WOW! I told the Claus man I was short handed here and still semi under the weather when I saw him last week.  I confided in him that I was kind of worried about running the place single handed at Christmas with Wimpish uhhh that’s Gimpish I MEAN Impish down for the count.

Granted he’s not much of a help but he does excel at sleeping right in front of the main entrance to my office there by preventing people from bothering me when there is work to be done. Of course in truth he’s actually just hoping to be given the green light to eat the odd sales person that manages to make it that far or grab a fast unauthorized cuppa brown gold when I step out to the Little Leprechaun’s Loo.

At any rate it appears that Santa has sent me 10 of his finest Little Helpers to help me out until our Deadbeat Dragon gets back on his haunches. Heh heh he’s going to be so mad he missed them. He doesn’t know it yet but that robotic wheelchair I got him will not come up the the executive level or go anyplace near the kitchens either!

Speaking of Wimpish, no its Gimpish, I mean IMPISH– yes there will be an update on the flying gold brick’s condition a little later on.

 

How do you sing Handel’s Hallelujah chorus when you’ve taken a vow of silence? Hilariously! These creative high school students choreographed an amazing and funny version you just have to see.

 

TSA takes gun from a doll

TSA won’t let this sock monkey fly.

It turns out, the sock monkey known as “Rooster Monkburn” is a hardened criminal. That’s right; TSA confiscated this cowboy monkey’s pistol.

TSA policy prohibits realistic replicas of firearms in carry-on bags, therefore, a TSA agent decided that this gun – about the size of three quarters – was too realistic for flight.

What do you think?

 

Angels We Have Heard On High – Pentatonix

 

 

Make Star Wars Snowflakes with Paper, Scissors, and the Force

Got some paper, a pair of scissors, and a desire to deck the halls with everything from Boba Fett to Tusken Raiders? Then do we have the perfect holiday craft project for you: Make Star Wars snowflakes. Graphic designer Anthony Herrera’s PDF patterns include Han Solo in Carbonite, Slave Leia, AT-ATs, and – naturally – Darth Vader.

http://www.wired.com/underwire/2013/12/star-wars-paper-snowflakes/?mbid=nl_wired_12102013

Winter Finally Arrives With Game of Thrones Paper Snowflakes

[Don’t worry George R. R. Martin has plans to kill them all off before spring!]

Star Wars snowflakes may be an impressive way to celebrate the holidays, but if you like your seasonal decor more fantasy than science fiction, graphic designer Krystal Higgins has you covered: She’s designed eight (relatively) easy-to-make paper snowflakes based on the sigils of the major houses in Game of Thrones.

Higgins is a big Game of Thrones fan, but that’s not the only reason she zeroed in on the series for her snowflakes. “The sigil characters inspired me to get creative about how I could abstract animal shapes into a pattern, while still keeping them recognizable,” Higgins told WIRED. “The antlers on the stags, for example, were incredibly tricky, but also ended up looking incredibly cool as part of a whole snowflake. I wanted to create something that would look interesting to folks who don’t watch the show or read the books.”

http://www.wired.com/underwire/2013/12/game-of-thrones-snowflakes/

Christmas Coffee Cocktail

[Sorry about the lack of photo for this one but between Impish and I the samples didn’t last long enough to snap one!]

Ingredients:

4 oz strong coffee
1 1/2 oz amaretto liqueur
1 1/2 oz coffee liqueur
1 oz butterscotch schnapps
1 oz creme de cocoa
fresh whipped cream
grated chocolate, for garnish

Directions:

Combine strong coffee and liqueurs in a glass. Stir to combine and top with fresh whipped cream. Garnish with grated chocolate.

Serve warm or over ice.

With such a decadent drink one needs a comparable dessert!

Orange Greek Yogurt Cheesecake

Prep Time 15 Minutes | Total Time 14:30 Hrs:Mins | Makes 16 servings

Crust

2 cups crushed graham crackers

1/4 cup sugar

1/4 cup chopped walnuts

1/2 cup butter, melted

Filling

2 packages (8 oz each) cream cheese, softened

1 cup sugar

2 tablespoons grated orange peel

1/4 teaspoon salt

4 eggs

2 containers (6 oz) Greek plain yogurt

Topping

3/4 cup whipping cream

1. Heat oven to 325°F. Lightly grease 9-inch springform pan with shortening.
2. In food processor, place crushed graham crackers, 1/4 cup sugar and the walnuts. Process with on-and-off pulses until well combined and all ingredients are fine. Add melted butter to food processor, pulse until well combined. Press mixture in bottom of pan.
3. In large bowl, beat cream cheese, 1 cup sugar, orange peel and salt with electric mixer on medium speed about 1 minute or until smooth. On low speed, beat in eggs and yogurt until well blended. Pour into crust.
4. Bake 1 hour 15 minutes (cheesecake may not appear done, but if small area in center seems soft, it will become firm as cheesecake cools. Do not insert knife to test for doneness because knife hole could cause cheesecake to crack.)
5. Turn off oven; leave cheesecake in oven 30 minutes longer.
6. Remove cheesecake from oven. Cool in pan on cooling rack away from drafts 30 minutes.
7. Without releasing or removing side of pan, run metal spatula carefully around side of pan to loosen cheesecake. Refrigerate uncovered about 3 hours or until chilled.
8. Cover cheesecake; continue refrigerating at least 9 hours but no longer than 48 hours.
9. Run metal spatula around side of pan to loosen cheesecake again. Remove side of pan; leave cheesecake on pan bottom to serve.
10. In chilled small bowl, beat whipping cream with electric mixer on high speed until stiff peaks form. Spread whipped cream over top of cheesecake. If desired, garnish with orange slices. Store covered in refrigerator.

Makes 16 servings

Maybe cheesecake is too heavy. How about a decadent cookie instead?

Double Chocolate Cranberry Cookies

With a hint of cinnamon, Double Chocolate Cranberry Cookies are a combination of semisweet and unsweetened chocolate, and are filled with two kinds of nuts and dried cranberries. They don’t have a lot of flour in them, so they have a wonderfully moist texture on the inside.

The cinnamon adds an interesting flavor and because of it, the taste reminds me a little bit of chocolate rugelah, a traditional Jewish pastry.

If you like rich moist chocolate cookies, combined with a crunchy texture, then these cookies are for you.

Cook Time

Prep time: 20 min | Cook time: 15 min | Ready in: 35 min

Yields: Makes about 6 dozen

Ingredients

8 tbs (1 stick) unsalted butter

8 oz. semisweet chocolate squares

3 oz. unsweetened chocolate squares

2 cups walnuts, chopped

2 cups pecans, chopped

1 cup dried cranberries, cut in half

2/3 cup flour

1/2 tsp baking powder

1/4 tsp salt

1 tsp cinnamon

3 eggs

1 1/4 cups sugar

2 tsps vanilla

1 cup semisweet chocolate chips

 

Instructions

1. In a large bowl, combine nuts, cranberries and chocolate chips. Set aside. In another bowl, mix the flour, baking powder, salt and cinnamon. Set aside.
2. Using a double boiler, gently heat the semisweet and unsweetened chocolate squares until just melted. Stir constantly while melting. Set aside to cool, until just warm to the touch.
3. Beat the eggs and sugar until bubbly. Then whisk in the cooled chocolate mixture and the vanilla.
4. With the mixer on low, slowly add the flour mixture until well incorporated.
5. Stir in the nut, cranberry and chocolate chip mixture by hand.
6. Preheat your oven to 325°. Drop the dough, about the size of a tablespoon, onto parchment lined baking trays. They should be 1 to 2 inches apart. Bake for 15 minutes or until cookies are slightly firm and cracked.
7. Cool on a wire rack.

Note: These cookies don’t really rise or spread, so they can be placed fairly closely together on the baking tray.

[You can’t serve just one kind of cookie now can you? OK its Christmas so here’s one more cookie recipe, a personal favorite of mine for afternoon tea.]

One batch makes approximately 9 dozen, so there is plenty for everyone, [even greedy Dragons.]

Slightly reminiscent of ginger snaps, these cookies are not nearly as spicy. That is what I like most about them. Some ginger snap recipes are too strong for my taste, but not these. The orange adds a fresh twist, and the mix of spices doesn’t overwhelm.

Delicious any time of year, and with a buttery crisp texture, these cookies are always requested, and they always make my annual Christmas cookie list.

Cook Time

Prep time: 10 hours | Cook time: 5 min | Ready in: 10 hours 5 min*

Yields: 9 dozen cookies

*Please note that this prep time includes refrigeration overnight.

Ingredients

• 1 cup butter, softened
• 1 1/2 cups sugar
• 1 egg
• 2 tbs light corn syrup
• 3 cups all-purpose flour
• 2 tsp baking soda
• 2 tsp cinnamon
• 2 tsp ground ginger
• 1/2 tsp ground cloves
• 1 tbs orange zest

Instructions

1. Cream butter and add sugar slowly, beating until fluffy.
2. While mixer is on, add the egg and corn syrup. Mix well.
3. Meanwhile, combine flour, baking soda, ginger, cinnamon and cloves in a bowl and set aside.
4. Gradually add the dry mixture to the wet ingredients until well blended. Add in the orange rind.
5. The dough is ready to be shaped and refrigerated (see instructions below).
6. After refrigerating dough overnight, bake slices on cookie sheets at 400° for 5 minutes. Keep an eye on them as they burn very quickly.

The NSA is Coming to Town

 

I’d listen up when Impish talks about cheating and not fooling people with it kids! After all he is an expert on the subject with may years of experience at failing to pull the wool over my eyes!

This Dragon update courtesy of Mrs. Dragon who begins by noting that once again her assassins failed and Impish still lives.

I received a text on Monday at 1:40 Pm saying the operation had lasted 3 Hours & 45 minutes but that he was out and in recovery. She expected to be able to see him within a half an hour.

Later that evening he texted me saying he was fine but tired.

Texts on Tuesday revealed him to be in pain which his meds really were not addressing but decent spirits. I do have some concerns regarding brain damage from the anesthesia as he commented on a program he was watching on CSPAN. However this is Impish and he does some strange shit like that so this might be nothing I’ll keep close watch.

Further updates as they develop or as soon as he drags himself before an internet capable device .

Christmas Ornament Trivia

We are mesmerized by Christmas trees with their elaborate decorations and lights. Many cities have tree lighting events and festivals to officially kick off the holiday season. You can hear the ripple of admiration as the tree is lit and everyone claps with excitement at the magical sight.

Stores display a plethora of tree ornaments that dazzle the eyes and warm the heart with their beauty. Specialty trinkets range anywhere from five dollars upward and special edition collections may equal the cost of a dinner out for most families. Still, it is one’s choice to display a tree that brings joy to their celebration, no matter the cost.

Prior to 1605, decorated Christmas trees were mainly found outside the home in their natural setting. People used popcorn, fruit and nuts as accessories. The first known area to bring a tree indoors was Strasborg, France where homes used paper roses, candles, wafers, nuts and sweets to adorn the tree. As time passed, other items exhibited were eggshells, shiny metal foil and candy.

The first glass ornaments were made in Germany in the 1880’s. In the US, F.W. Woolsworth latched on to this new concept and imported them by the millions. Reportedly, he made 25 million in sales by 1890. Later, the Japanese market manufactured decorations to become the highest importer with over 250 million ornaments sold in the states.

Today, it is popular to create a theme such as angels, snowmen, birds, or whatever hobby or collection a person enjoys. Ornaments are much more intricate and can make sounds, light-up, and move to music.

No matter what type of ornament you choose to decorate your tree, homemade or store bought, the purpose it to savor your time adorning the tree with valuable memories and add beauty to your home.

Traditional and Novel Ornaments

Have you ever used any of these to decorate your Christmas Tree?

• Fruit
• Nuts
• Popcorn
• Cookies
• Candy Canes
• Cranberries
• Flowers
• Pickles
• Candles
• Eggshells
• Small toys
• Wood carved figures or shapes

Source: holidayspot.com

Xbox One prank wrecks brand new consoles

Plenty of gamers are upset over the lack of backwards compatibility in the new Xbox One console. That means that old Xbox 360 and original Xbox games won’t work in the new system.

That’s why they’re falling for this dangerous and expensive prank. It supposedly gives instructions for making your Xbox One backward compatible, but really makes your new Xbox completely worthless and non-functional. It may not even be able to be repaired.

Here’s what the prank looks like:

Just to be clear, the Xbox One is NOT backwards compatible and won’t ever be! This insidious prank deletes a critical system file and could trap your new console in an endless reboot cycle.

If you know someone with an Xbox One, pass this along to them so they aren’t fooled.

 

 

  The official video about Miniatur Wunderland Hamburg, the largest model railway in the world, and one of the most successful tourist attractions in Germany. On the 1.300 m² large layout, far more than a thousand trains, aircrafts, cars and ships move about. A wonder of the world in miniature.

 

The next 2 issues of Leprechaun Laughs fall on major Holidays, namely Christmas Day and New Year’s Day. While I might find the prospect of a 2 weeks hiatus quite appealing, I am cognizant of the fact that most likely Impish will not be up to his usual self both physically and mentally. Plus he should be up to his scaled bottom in torture physical therapy sessions and wheel chair racing.

Obviously there will have to be a change in the publishing schedule to accommodate both the holidays and Impish’s situation.

I can see no point in an issue on Christmas given nobody will have time to devote to reading it much less posting it.  As for New Year’s Day most of you will be too hung over to focus on a computer screen, too caught up in the Tournament of Roses Parade and/or the subsequent bowl games to much care about an issue.

I know Impish has an issue already uploaded next Saturday, but the Saturday after Christmas remains up in the air based on his recuperation progress.

My guess is for the holiday period you should expect intermittent Dragon status updates from one source or another perhaps sprinkled with a few comments & comic offerings.

 

You’ll find today’s issue chock full of videos, cartoons and jokes.  I’m building this ahead of time since two days after this publishes, I’ll be in surgery and I have a lot to do to prepare.  Not really a whole lot to say other than that, so why don’t we get right into it?
Note:  After viewing Lethal’s Leprechaun Laffs, I was forced to revisit this post since it seems great minds think a like.  I won’t tell you what he stole copied beat me to.  I guess if it happens next week, there won’t be anything I can do about it.

I can’t think of a better lead in to not only today’s issue, but to the Christmas season itself, ….how about the U.S. Air Force Band doing a Flash Mop Christmas Carol

And we ain’t gonna stop now!  This one is fantastic!!!

I will seek and find You . . I shall take you to bed and have my way with you.

I will make you ache, shake & sweat until you moan & groan.

I will make you beg for mercy, beg for me to stop.

I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I’m
finished with you.

And, when I am finished, you will be weak for days.

All my love,

The Flu

Now, get your mind out of the gutter and Go get your flu shot!

 

So, Hollywood is re-making a lot of the old movies…this is one that I’m not sure I really want to go and see, but it does seem to be a little bit more true to life than the original.

Friendship among Women:
A woman doesn’t come home at night. The next day she tells her husband she slept over at a friend’s house. The man calls his wife’s 10 best friends. None of them know anything about it.

Friendship among Men:
A man doesn’t come home at night. The next day he tells his wife he slept over at a friend’s house. The woman calls her husband’s 10 best friends. 8 of them say he did sleep over and 2 claim he’s still there.

Reminds me of the joke about the friend…
A good friend is someone who will come and bail you out of jail; A best friend is sitting on the bench in jail beside you saying, “Damn, we sure screwed up this time.”

A group of fellows always enjoyed their game of golf, but one of the boys was having trouble seeing the ball. His friends kept telling him he needed glasses. Finally, he bought himself a pair and his game improved 100%. Back in the clubroom they were talking over a few beers. “You’re playing better since you got your glasses,” one said. “You’re right, I look down and the ball’s as big as a basketball, just can’t miss it now,” he said. After a few more beers, he said. “Gotta go to the toilet, be back in a minute.” When he came back, all the front of his trousers were wet. “Gee, what happened to you?” his mates asked. “Don’t know,” he replied, “got in there, pulled it out and it looked too big for mine, so I put it back!

This one goes back….WAY back to 1979.
Now, how many of you can remember what you were doing in 1979?
Okay, and how many of you were still several years from being born in 1979?
Me?  In 1979 I turned 21 years old, started the year at George AFB in California and ended the year at Spangdahlem AB in Germany.  So yeah, I not only know where I was, what I was doing, but I also remember that I am now an old fart.

There was this loving grandfather who always made a special effort to spend time with his son’s family on weekends. Every Saturday morning he would take his 5-year-old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some quality time — pancakes, ice cream, candy– just him and his granddaughter. One particular Saturday, however, he had a terrible cold and could not get out of bed. He knew his granddaughter always looked forward to their drives and would be very disappointed. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter for her weekly drive and breakfast. When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather who was still in bed. “Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?” he asked. Not really, Papa, it was boring. We didn’t see a single asshole, queer, piece of shit, horse’s ass, tree hugger, blind bastard, dipshit, Muslim camel humper or son of a bitch anywhere we went!” We just drove around and Grandma smiled at everyone she saw. I really didn’t have any fun.

I want you all to please take notice of how I did NOT, I repeat, D.I.D. N.O.T. use Lethal Leprechaun in the above joke.  Not that I usually refrain from that, but think about this joke in particular…I have no idea if my dear friend has a sister or not, but if you think Lethal is scary dangerous, can you imagine what his Sister would be like?

Our dear friend Karl (K²) has decided to grace us with some of his hard earned wisdom

I really like the idea of having a dog that stands taller than I do.  I wouldn’t worry too much about leaving the house unprotected with him around.  My little Baileigh sounds like a monster when someone knocks on the front door (I’ve shown you a picture of her before) and does a great job of protecting our home. 
But can you imagine the bark of THIS guy?

One of my favorite comediennes of all time.  Here she is with her national TV debut…

Photography tip!
When taking photographs, be mindful of the
background behind your subject.
You may inadvertently say more with your photograph
than you originally intended.
Remember: A picture is worth a thousand words.

Here’s another holiday related one:

Things that make you say:

When bicycles die and they haven’t been good during their lives, this is where they go.  That’s right!  It’s bicycle hell!!!!

From the original screen play of the Walking Dead

You know, I can almost figure all of this out, but wtf is the badminton racket for?

This one is easy…it’s Mary Poppins’ Little brother

This is probably a Navy Seaman who got in trouble and there is some Petty Officer somewhere who assigned him the task of cleaning every thing he can see with a tooth brush!!

Snow Bunnies?  Except, if you notice, they all have epees! (Really skinny swords)

I think the guy in the next picture probably has his head…

See?

I got nothin’…some sort of outlandish ringtoss?

Really, I got nuthin’.  The only thing I can think of is these guys must have lost some sort of bet.

Arm all beagles…or … um… phasers!

Okay, each and every one of those pictures defy explanation!  I am at a complete and total loss!

Recovery continues here at Keebler Towers for both Molly and I at a slow but steady pace. Short bouts of activity interspersed with longer rest periods of just sitting dormant or spent napping are pretty much the order of the day.

The cold wet weather makes the napping and remaining under blankets options so much more attractive and soup and oven based dishes are pretty much the standing order here.

I’m still playing catch up on a lot of fronts after being down for nearly 10 days so this week’s issue again is a hodgepodge assortment of mismatched offerings without any particular rhyme or reason. I hope to be back to 100% and a normal issue next week.

Of course by then I’ll have gotten caught up just in time for Impish to be taking off.

SIGH! Let’s get this show on the road before I suffer a set back shall we?

 

Coffeecare

What if buying coffee was like buying health insurance?

 

 

Received this cautionary holiday tale from reader K-Squared:

With the Holidays upon us I would like to share a personal experience with my friends about drinking and driving.

As you may know some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time on the way home after a “social session” out with friends. Well, two days ago I was out for an evening with friends and had several cocktails followed by some rather nice red wine. Feeling jolly I still had the sense to know that I may be slightly over the limit.

That’s when I did something that I’ve never done before – I took a cab home.

Sure enough on the way home there was a police road block, but since it was a cab they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident.

This was a real surprise as I had never driven a cab before, I don’t know where I got it and now that it’s in my garage I don’t know what to do with it.

Received this get well card from Impish….

I’ve now switched to those hermetically sealed disposable toothbrushes.

Angels We Have Heard on High (Christmas w/ 32 fingers and 8 thumbs) – ThePianoGuys

Those Piano Guys are at it again! Fantastic rendition and highly entertaining!

 

The Empire State Building

A man gets off the elevator at the bar on top of the Empire State Building. He is bowled over by the splendor and the view. He orders a drink, and then remarks about how there’s a large open window with no guardrails or anything — someone could fall a long way!

“There’s no problem with that, it’s completely safe!” says a man dressed in a sharp suit, glasses and a fedora. “Even if you fell out, the building creates a strong updraft current that will bring you right back to safety!”

“Huh?” the man says, incredulous.

“Sure, let me show you!” the man at the bar says, stepping to the window and allowing himself to fall right out.

“Oh my gosh!” says the newcomer. He bends over to look out the window to see what happened just as the man comes back up in the wind, right into the window, and lands right on his feet! Even his fedora is still firmly in place.

“That’s amazing!” he says. “Does it happen like that all the time?”

“Yep, I’ve done it many times,” says the square-jawed man. He offers to hold the newcomer’s drink while he tries it.

“Here goes nothing,” the newbie says. He leans out the window and falls out of the building — and all the way to the street where he goes Splat! The man in the suit says “tsk tsk tsk” and drinks the man’s cocktail.

“You know,” the bartender finally says to the regular, “you’re really a mean bastard when you’re drunk, Superman.

Seems like it would be a time saver!

A dead simple snow forecaster

With the winter weather sweeping across the nation, thoughts of snow angels and snowmen arise. But who wants to sort through weather maps and screens of forecast data?

For a no-fuss snowcast, How Much Will It Snow? has you covered. Enter the name of your city and the site will give you an immediate overview of the inches you can expect.

How Much Will It Snow? also gives the high and low temps for the next few days as well as commute conditions. It even posts National Weather Service advisories to keep you informed of any severe weather alerts.

howmuchwillitsnow.com

Jogger knocked out by flying deer

A 27-year-old woman was knocked out by a flying deer while jogging in Virginia.

Yes, that’s right.

Krystine Rivera was running by the side of Clairborne Parkway in Ashburn last week when she was hit by an airborne deer, the Washington Post reported.

The deer had been struck by a nearby car.

Rivera told Washington TV station WRC she never saw the deer coming.

“I was running, then I was on the ground and then was listening to the paramedic,” she said. “I’m surprised I made it out alive.”

Both Rivera and the driver were hospitalized, but the deer did not survive.

THE OBAMACARE HELP PHONE NUMBER

I cannot take credit for the following info. It was provided to me by someone with more imagination to discover these kinds of things than I have.

OK, so we all know ObamaCare is a mess right now, and some feel it always will be.  If you go to the government health care website, check out the phone number to call with questions.

https://www.healthcare.gov/

Kathleen Sebelius gave out the national ‘ObamaCare hotline’ on MSNBC earlier today. The phone number is 1-800-318-2596.

What does this number spell if one looks at the phone number key pad? 1 isn’t assigned a letter, but 3,8,2,5,9 and 6 are. It comes out to 1-800-F-ck-You. SERIOUSLY!, it actually spells:

1-800-3(F) 8(U) 2(C) 5(K) 9(Y) 6(O)

You can’t even make this up if you try.  Please verify it yourself.

My apologies to anyone who is sensitive to language, but this just had to be brought to your attention.

 

The holiday party season is upon us again and that means we’re all searching for new different and memorable offerings to serve or take to parties.

 

 

Sausage Balls

Here in the South we love Biscuits & Sausage Gravy. It’s a no brain sure fire hit when ever you serve it. So why not make it into an appetizer? Serve them with a warm bowl of Cream/Country Gravy for dipping and watch them disappear!

Prep Time: 20 min  | Inactive Prep Time: —
Cook Time: 15 min  | Level: Easy
Serves: 60 servings

Ingredients

1/2 pound bulk pork sausage (Savory or Breakfast)
2 cups shredded sharp Cheddar cheese
1/4 cup milk
11/2 cups buttermilk, pancake and waffle mix
2 tablespoons dry onion soup mix
1/8 to 1/4 teaspoon ground hot red pepper

Directions

Mix together sausage, cheese, milk and egg in a large bowl. Add buttermilk pancake and waffle mix with onion soup mix and ground red pepper. Blend well. Pinch off bits of dough and shape into 1- inch balls. Place on lightly greased baking sheets, spacing 11/2 inches apart, and sprinkle lightly with paprika. Bake 10 to 15 minutes at 375 degrees until deep golden brown, turning the balls over at halftime. Remove from baking sheets and serve.

Want a little variety? Change the sausage out for Italian (sweet Mild or Hot your preference) Swap the Cheddar for an Italian Blend (Asiago & Provolone go well if you can find them shredded or shred them yourself. 20 min to 1/2 an hour in the freezer will make them easier to shred) Use only 1 tablespoon of Onion soup mix and one of Italian seasoning. Accompany with a dipping sauce of warm pizza or marinara sauce.

Though I have yet to have reason to try finding it, I’m fairly certain there should be a workable combination using either Chorizo and Mexican Blend cheese or a Ground Pork and chili/taco seasoning mix to make a Mexican version to be dipped in Salsa.

 

Mini Cheese Balls

Prep Time: 4 hr 0 min | Inactive Prep Time: —
Cook Time:  — | Level: Easy
Serves: 24 1-inch balls

 

 

Directions

Mix 8 ounces softened cream cheese with 1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce, 1/2 teaspoon grated lemon zest and 1 cup shredded firm cheese (like cheddar, parmesan, pepper jack or gouda); season with salt and pepper. With moistened hands, form into 1-inch balls, chill 4 hours, then roll in toppings. Pictured here are chopped pistachios, chives, tarragon, hulled pumpkin seeds, bacon with paprika, almonds, and black and white sesame seeds.

[180 C = 350 F]

In case you are wondering yes this actually DOES work quite well as long as what ever you were blending wasn’t excessively sticky or thick. I use this to clean up fast in between blender batches and do a more complete disassembled cleaning prior to storing away.

There is no Parting Shot again this week.

It seems they are counterproductive to getting in the Holiday Spirit.

Instead here is one of the famous Coca-Cola Polar Bear commercials for you to enjoy.

Well, you may recognize the header as one that I used last year, about this time, and surprisingly, I’m using it for the same reason.  You may remember that this past January I had surgery on my knee and ended up with a partial knee replacement.  I don’t know if I mentioned it at the time or not, probably not, but about 1% of those partials fail.  And guess what!  Impish Dragon is a one-percenter!!!!  Wooo Hooo!  One out of a hundred baby!  That’s me! 

Okay, well the bottom line is that on Monday, 16 December, I’ll be going back into surgery for a full knee replacement.  Yes, there will be an issue next week…and hopefully, the week after, although they may be a little light on the sparkling commentary I know you have all grown to expect and look forward to in my little endeavors presented here. 

I will keep our dear compatriot Lethal Leprechaun informed of what is going on and I’m sure he will in-turn, inform all of you.  That is, if the poor guy is healthy by then.  Please send up some prayers for him and his dear Molly.  They are on the mend, but speeding it up a little getting better can only help.

Okay, so you have the info that I have so why don’t we jump right in and…

Now this is some wicked cool technology! This British Airways billboard in London is an amazing technical achievement! It uses cutting-edge surveillance gear to track planes flying overhead. The little boy’s finger points exactly to the moving plane! What a brilliant ad campaign! Courtesy of a little digital magic, the young man in this poster really does know when it’s a British Airways plane. And that really is the actual flight number and where it’s flying in from.

 

A short essay, but makes a really good point.  It’s probably too late to do anything about it now, but it still pisses me off.  Read on, and then we’ll talk some more:

Remember,  not only did you and I contribute to Social Security but your employer did,  too. It totaled 15% of your income before taxes. If you averaged only $30K  over your working life, that’s close to $220,500.

Read  that again.Did  you see where the Government paid in one  single penny?We are talking about the money you and your  employer put in a Government bank to  insure you and I that we would have a retirement check from  the money we put in, not the Government.

Now  they are calling the money we put in an entitlement when we reach the age to  take it back.If  you calculate the future invested value of $4,500 per year (yours & your  employer’s contribution) at a simple 5% interest (less than what the  Government pays on the money that it borrows), after 49 years of working you’d  have $892,919.98.

If  you took out only 3% per year, you’d receive $26,787.60 per year and it would  last better than 30 years (until you’re 95 if you retire at age 65) and that’s  with no interest paid on that final amount on deposit!If  you bought an annuity and it paid 4% per year, you’d have a lifetime income of  $2,976.40 per month.

Another  thing – if someone died in their 50’s or before, they never withdrew one  cent of their social security money that they paid into all their lives – so  that money just went up in smoke?

THE  FOLKS IN WASHINGTON HAVE PULLED OFF A  BIGGER PONZI SCHEME THAN BERNIE MADOFF EVER DID.

Entitlement  my foot, I paid cash for my social security insurance!Just  because they borrowed the money for other government spending, doesn’t make my  benefits some kind of charity or handout!!Remember  Congressional benefits? — free healthcare, outrageous retirement packages,  67 paid holidays, three weeks paid vacation, unlimited paid sick  days.

Now that’s welfare, and they  have the nerve to call my social security retirement payments  entitlements?We’re  “broke” and we can’t help our own Seniors, Veterans, Orphans, or Homeless. Yet  in the last few months we have provided aid to Haiti, Chile, Turkey,Egypt and Pakistan.

Literally,  BILLIONS of DOLLARS!!!And  they can’t help our own citizens in New York and New  Jersey!They  call Social Security and Medicare an entitlement even though most of us have  been paying for it all our working lives, and now, when its time for us to  collect, the government is running out of money.

Why  did the government borrow from it in the first place?It  was never supposed to be part of the general fund.

Crazy or cool?  Well, if he crashes he’s crazy, if he makes it….he’s still friggin’ crazy!

Anybody remember Penn & Teller’s program on Showtime called Bullshit?  Here’s an episode that REALLY hit home.  Thanks to Karl (K²) who says:

MUST watch! We are a bunch of pretentious sophisticated fools.
If your grew up drinking from a water hose or irrigation ditch as I did you or if you want to save some $$ YOU will certainly enjoy this.
If you  have time take a look at this.  Good for a laugh.  Pass it on to  all your bottled water friends.
A comedic  look at our bottled water dependencies and some troubling conclusions…

I found this an extremely interesting article.  Direct from the Kim Komando web site

The best and worst Internet speeds in the U.S.

If your Internet seems slow, you probably don’t live in Ephrata, Washington. This small town in the Pacific Northwest ranked number one on a recent nationwide speed test. What’s this hamlet of 7,000 people doing with the fastest Internet speeds in the country? It’s home to its very own fiber optics company! So where does your city rank on the list? I live in Phoenix, Arizona, and it comes in at 1,678th! Dreadful! Find out if you’re getting the Internet speed you paid for.   Without further ado, here is a list of the 10 best and 10 worst cities and towns for Internet speed. The 10 Best 1. Ephrata, WA 2. Kansas City, KS 3. Trenton, GA 4. Millington, NJ 5. Croton On Hudson, NY 6. Westwood, MA 7. Mckees Rocks, PA 8. Randolph, NJ 9. Pendleton, OR 10. Thornwood, NY Where we are on the list: 2861. Peru, IN 3452. Houston, TX The 10 Worst 5680. Weston, OH 5681. Pittsburg, TX 5682. Romney, WV 5683. Bishop, CA 5684. Marlinton, WV 5685. Sitka, AK 5686. Mammoth Lakes, CA 5687. Mechanicsburg, OH 5688. Fort Defiance, AZ 5689. Chinle, AZ View the complete list in Google Docs. docs.google.com

Pay back, is indeed a bitch!

 

A man goes into the hospital for a vasectomy. Before the procedure a very attractive nurse comes in and takes his vitals, then tells him to take all of his clothes off. When he is fully undressed she instructs him to lie down on the table. The man obeys. The nurse then takes all of her clothes off and climbs on top and has her way with him. Upon the completion of the act the man catches his breath and asks what that was all about. The nurse informs the patient that studies have shown that before a vasectomy if the man has an ejaculation, he will be more relaxed and that the Vas Deferens is easier for the surgeon to locate and sever, thereby making the surgery safer, more efficient and quicker. The nurse then wheels the patient to the operating room. While they are going down the hall the patient looks through a window to the right and sees six men in a room masturbating. Curious, the man asks “What are they doing in there”? The nurse responds: “They’re getting vasectomies too, but you have Blue Cross and they have Obama Care.”

When I go to casinos, the most ridiculous sign I see is the one that says….”If you have a gambling problem, call 1-800-GAMBLER. ” So, I call them and say, “I have an ace and a six. The dealer has a seven. What do I do??”

A mother in law said to her son’s wife when their baby was born: “I don’t mean to be rude but he doesn’t look anything like my son.” The daughter-in-law lifted her skirt and said: “I don’t mean to be rude either, but this is a pussy …not a fucking photo-copier.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

               On a bitterly cold winters morning a husband and wife in
Edmonton  were listening to the radio during breakfast.

They heard the announcer say, “We are going to have 8 to
10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the
even-numbered side of the street, so the Snow ploughs can
get through.”So the good wife went out and moved her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the
radio announcer said, “We are expecting 10 to 12 inches
of snow today.
You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the
street, so the snow ploughs can get through.”
The good wife went out and moved her car again.

The next week they are again having breakfast,when the
radio announcer says, “We are expecting12 to 14 inches
of snow today. You must park….” Then the electricity
went out.

The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on
her face she said, “I don’t know what to do. Which side
of the street do I need to park on so the snow ploughs
can get through?”

Then with the love and understanding in his voice that
all married men exhibit, the husband
replied, “Why don’t you just leave the car in the garage
this time.”

The NFL bans a commercial because it violates their guns and ammo policy…but…well, watch the commercial and the NRAs commentary afterward and tell me what YOU think!

After laying all my careful plans for Thanksgiving and our Anniversary last week I neglected to notice a small addition to our guest list.

Seems Mr. Murphy had invited himself to spend time with us in the form of the Flu and Bronchitis for two.

By Tuesday night both Molly and I were nestled all snug in our bed where fever and Nyquil fueled dreams danced in our heads. That’s been pretty much the entire week from when last I left you.

I have a hard time calling this an issue. Think of it more as leftovers or the raw produce that I would have eventually simmered into one had I the time and strength to arise from my bed.

I’ve limited time before my strength flags, I take more meds and a nap so let me just say one more thing before we get started:

For the Love of God get a Flu Shot!

Problem is I’ve had just 3 cups of instant in a week now. It’s just too hard and too much effort to load the coffee maker.

 

You’ve probably had enough of Turkey for a while and of cooking if you’re the cook. So here is a fast easy dinner sure to be a hit. It even travels well.

Mock Pizza Casserole

Serves: 8

Prep Time: 20 Min | Cook Time: 1 Hr

Ingredients

2 lb your choice of meats – ground beef, Italian sausage, ham, pepperoni

2 jar(s) spaghetti sauce

24 + oz  mozzarella cheese

1/3 c  parmesan cheese

Your choice of veggies, grn pepper, onion, olives, your favorite. Pizza toppings.

1 bag(s) noodles, 1 lb, I like the bowties in this

Your choice of vegies, olives, onion, mushrooms, green peppers, peppers, spinach … Whatever!

Directions

1 Boil noodles to al dente. Grease a 9x13x3 dish.
Divide noodles, sauce and cheeses into 3rds.

2 Layer 1 noodles, sauce, cheese, 1 meat and veggie (ground beef and olives)
Layer 2 noodles, sauce, cheese, 1 meat and veggie (pepperoni and mushrooms)
Layer 3 noodles, sauce, cheese, 1 meat and veggie (Italian sausage and green peppers).

3 Bake at 350 for 40 minutes. Let rest for 15 minutes so it can set up a bit… Then DIG IN!

BTW the foil lined cookie sheet under it in the photo is a really good idea while baking this. Unless, that is, you like cleaning your oven.

That’s it. That’s all I got I’m spent. I’m off to do a thread count on my pillowcase from a face down prone position.