Dragon Laffs #1360


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You’ll find today’s issue chock full of videos, cartoons and jokes.  I’m building this ahead of time since two days after this publishes, I’ll be in surgery and I have a lot to do to prepare.  Not really a whole lot to say other than that, so why don’t we get right into it?
Note:  After viewing Lethal’s Leprechaun Laffs, I was forced to revisit this post since it seems great minds think a like.  I won’t tell you what he stole copied beat me to.  I guess if it happens next week, there won’t be anything I can do about it.

I can’t think of a better lead in to not only today’s issue, but to the Christmas season itself, ….how about the U.S. Air Force Band doing a Flash Mop Christmas Carol

And we ain’t gonna stop now!  This one is fantastic!!!

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I will seek and find You . . I shall take you to bed and have my way with you.

I will make you ache, shake & sweat until you moan & groan.

I will make you beg for mercy, beg for me to stop.

I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I’m
finished with you.

And, when I am finished, you will be weak for days.

All my love,

The Flu

Now, get your mind out of the gutter and Go get your flu shot!

 

So, Hollywood is re-making a lot of the old movies…this is one that I’m not sure I really want to go and see, but it does seem to be a little bit more true to life than the original.

5 Barry Poppins

Friendship among Women:
A woman doesn’t come home at night. The next day she tells her husband she slept over at a friend’s house. The man calls his wife’s 10 best friends. None of them know anything about it.

Friendship among Men:
A man doesn’t come home at night. The next day he tells his wife he slept over at a friend’s house. The woman calls her husband’s 10 best friends. 8 of them say he did sleep over and 2 claim he’s still there.

Reminds me of the joke about the friend…
A good friend is someone who will come and bail you out of jail; A best friend is sitting on the bench in jail beside you saying, “Damn, we sure screwed up this time.”

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DragonPapa1 (231)
A group of fellows always enjoyed their game of golf, but one of the boys was having trouble seeing the ball. His friends kept telling him he needed glasses. Finally, he bought himself a pair and his game improved 100%. Back in the clubroom they were talking over a few beers. “You’re playing better since you got your glasses,” one said. “You’re right, I look down and the ball’s as big as a basketball, just can’t miss it now,” he said. After a few more beers, he said. “Gotta go to the toilet, be back in a minute.” When he came back, all the front of his trousers were wet. “Gee, what happened to you?” his mates asked. “Don’t know,” he replied, “got in there, pulled it out and it looked too big for mine, so I put it back!

This one goes back….WAY back to 1979.
Now, how many of you can remember what you were doing in 1979?
Okay, and how many of you were still several years from being born in 1979?
Me?  In 1979 I turned 21 years old, started the year at George AFB in California and ended the year at Spangdahlem AB in Germany.  So yeah, I not only know where I was, what I was doing, but I also remember that I am now an old fart.

There was this loving grandfather who always made a special effort to spend time with his son’s family on weekends. Every Saturday morning he would take his 5-year-old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some quality time — pancakes, ice cream, candy– just him and his granddaughter. One particular Saturday, however, he had a terrible cold and could not get out of bed. He knew his granddaughter always looked forward to their drives and would be very disappointed. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter for her weekly drive and breakfast. When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather who was still in bed. “Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?” he asked. Not really, Papa, it was boring. We didn’t see a single asshole, queer, piece of shit, horse’s ass, tree hugger, blind bastard, dipshit, Muslim camel humper or son of a bitch anywhere we went!” We just drove around and Grandma smiled at everyone she saw. I really didn’t have any fun.

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“As good as this bar is,” said the Scotsman, “I still prefer the pubs back home.
In Glasgow , there’s a wee place called McTavish’s….
The landlord goes out of his way for the locals.
When you buy four drinks, he’ll buy the fifth drink.”

 “Well, Angus,” said the Englishman, “At my local in London ,
the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two.”

 “Ahhh, dat’s nothin’,” said Paddy Sheehan, the Irishman. “Back home in me
favorite pub in Galway , the moment you set foot in the place, they’ll buy you a drink,
then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you’ve had enough drinks,
they’ll take you upstairs and see dat you get laid, all on the house!”

 The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims.
“Did this actually happen to you?”

“Not meself, personally, no,” admitted the Irishman, “but it did happen to me sister quite a few times.”

I want you all to please take notice of how I did NOT, I repeat, D.I.D. N.O.T. use Lethal Leprechaun in the above joke.  Not that I usually refrain from that, but think about this joke in particular…I have no idea if my dear friend has a sister or not, but if you think Lethal is scary dangerous, can you imagine what his Sister would be like?

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Our dear friend Karl (K²) has decided to grace us with some of his hard earned wisdom

Thoughts from an older man —
As I was lying around, pondering the problems of the world,
I realized that at my age I don’t really give a rat’s ass  anymore.    

If walking is good for your health, the postman would be  immortal.
 
A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, but  is still fat.

A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years,  while a
tortoise doesn’t run and does mostly nothing, yet it  lives for
150 years.
And you tell me to exercise?? I don’t think  so.

Just grant me the senility to forget the people I never  liked,  the
good fortune to remember the ones I do, and the  eyesight to tell the
difference.

Now that I’m older here’s what I’ve discovered:

1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of  it.
2. My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and  all-bran.
3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is  falling
     apart.
4. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
5. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
6. If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?
7. It was a whole lot easier to get older, than to get  wiser.
8. Some days, you’re the top dog, some days you’re  the hydrant.
8.5 The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
9. I wish the buck really did stop here, I sure could use a  few of them.
10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
12. It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t  been anywhere.
13. The world only beats a path to your door when you’re  in the bathroom.
14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he’d have put  them on my knees.
15. When I’m finally holding all the right cards,  everyone wants to
play chess.
16. It’s not hard to meet expenses . . . they’re  everywhere.
17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

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I really like the idea of having a dog that stands taller than I do.  I wouldn’t worry too much about leaving the house unprotected with him around.  My little Baileigh sounds like a monster when someone knocks on the front door (I’ve shown you a picture of her before) and does a great job of protecting our home. 
But can you imagine the bark of THIS guy?
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One of my favorite comediennes of all time.  Here she is with her national TV debut…

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Bra
crim

German
See
squeeze
stable

Photography tip!
When taking photographs, be mindful of the
background behind your subject.
You may inadvertently say more with your photograph
than you originally intended.
Remember: A picture is worth a thousand words.
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Here’s another holiday related one:

50-years-50-toys

baby Pic

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Things that make you say:

WTFw1When bicycles die and they haven’t been good during their lives, this is where they go.  That’s right!  It’s bicycle hell!!!!

w2From the original screen play of the Walking Dead

w3You know, I can almost figure all of this out, but wtf is the badminton racket for?

w4This one is easy…it’s Mary Poppins’ Little brother

w5This is probably a Navy Seaman who got in trouble and there is some Petty Officer somewhere who assigned him the task of cleaning every thing he can see with a tooth brush!!

w6Snow Bunnies?  Except, if you notice, they all have epees! (Really skinny swords)

w7I think the guy in the next picture probably has his head…

w11See?

w12I got nothin’…some sort of outlandish ringtoss?

w13Really, I got nuthin’.  The only thing I can think of is these guys must have lost some sort of bet.

w14Arm all beagles…or … um… phasers!

Okay, each and every one of those pictures defy explanation!  I am at a complete and total loss!

Driving Reaction Time for Older People ~~~~
 
I know all of you are very good drivers, so here is a fun test to see how good your speed is!
 
The automobile driving manual says the average driver’s reaction time is .75 seconds or 1 car length for every 10 mph.
 
Test your average reaction time. Be careful, this can be addictive! You will be surprised at how slow you really are.
 
JUST CLICK ON THE DART WHEN THE SHEEP STARTS TO RUN ….. THERE ARE 5 SHEEP
 
 
Click here: Reaction Test

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2 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1360

  1. VVSV@aol.com says:

    Best wishes for a speedy recovery with your surgery. Vito

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