Dragon Laffs #1359


Header15

Well, you may recognize the header as one that I used last year, about this time, and surprisingly, I’m using it for the same reason.  You may remember that this past January I had surgery on my knee and ended up with a partial knee replacement.  I don’t know if I mentioned it at the time or not, probably not, but about 1% of those partials fail.  And guess what!  Impish Dragon is a one-percenter!!!!  Wooo Hooo!  One out of a hundred baby!  That’s me! 

Okay, well the bottom line is that on Monday, 16 December, I’ll be going back into surgery for a full knee replacement.  Yes, there will be an issue next week…and hopefully, the week after, although they may be a little light on the sparkling commentary I know you have all grown to expect and look forward to in my little endeavors presented here. 

I will keep our dear compatriot Lethal Leprechaun informed of what is going on and I’m sure he will in-turn, inform all of you.  That is, if the poor guy is healthy by then.  Please send up some prayers for him and his dear Molly.  They are on the mend, but speeding it up a little getting better can only help.

Okay, so you have the info that I have so why don’t we jump right in and…

coollogo_com-213355198_thumb
Now this is some wicked cool technology! This British Airways billboard in London is an amazing technical achievement! It uses cutting-edge surveillance gear to track planes flying overhead. The little boy’s finger points exactly to the moving plane! What a brilliant ad campaign! Courtesy of a little digital magic, the young man in this poster really does know when it’s a British Airways plane. And that really is the actual flight number and where it’s flying in from.

2

I love Christmas lights! They remind me of…
“the people who voted for Obama…”
They all hang together; half of them don’t work,
and the ones that do, aren’t all that bright!

 

A short essay, but makes a really good point.  It’s probably too late to do anything about it now, but it still pisses me off.  Read on, and then we’ll talk some more:

Remember,  not only did you and I contribute to Social Security but your employer did,  too. It totaled 15% of your income before taxes. If you averaged only $30K  over your working life, that’s close to $220,500.

Read  that again.Did  you see where the Government paid in one  single penny?We are talking about the money you and your  employer put in a Government bank to  insure you and I that we would have a retirement check from  the money we put in, not the Government.

Now  they are calling the money we put in an entitlement when we reach the age to  take it back.If  you calculate the future invested value of $4,500 per year (yours & your  employer’s contribution) at a simple 5% interest (less than what the  Government pays on the money that it borrows), after 49 years of working you’d  have $892,919.98.

If  you took out only 3% per year, you’d receive $26,787.60 per year and it would  last better than 30 years (until you’re 95 if you retire at age 65) and that’s  with no interest paid on that final amount on deposit!If  you bought an annuity and it paid 4% per year, you’d have a lifetime income of  $2,976.40 per month.

Another  thing – if someone died in their 50’s or before, they never withdrew one  cent of their social security money that they paid into all their lives – so  that money just went up in smoke?

THE  FOLKS IN WASHINGTON HAVE PULLED OFF A  BIGGER PONZI SCHEME THAN BERNIE MADOFF EVER DID.

Entitlement  my foot, I paid cash for my social security insurance!Just  because they borrowed the money for other government spending, doesn’t make my  benefits some kind of charity or handout!!Remember  Congressional benefits? — free healthcare, outrageous retirement packages,  67 paid holidays, three weeks paid vacation, unlimited paid sick  days.

Now that’s welfare, and they  have the nerve to call my social security retirement payments  entitlements?We’re  “broke” and we can’t help our own Seniors, Veterans, Orphans, or Homeless. Yet  in the last few months we have provided aid to Haiti, Chile, Turkey,Egypt and Pakistan.

Literally,  BILLIONS of DOLLARS!!!And  they can’t help our own citizens in New York and New  Jersey!They  call Social Security and Medicare an entitlement even though most of us have  been paying for it all our working lives, and now, when its time for us to  collect, the government is running out of money.

Why  did the government borrow from it in the first place?It  was never supposed to be part of the general fund.

coollogo_com-83606855_thumbDragonPapa1 (230)

5a

Crazy or cool?  Well, if he crashes he’s crazy, if he makes it….he’s still friggin’ crazy!

5d

coollogo_com-83581496_thumb2f2009071902cdiez21

Anybody remember Penn & Teller’s program on Showtime called Bullshit?  Here’s an episode that REALLY hit home.  Thanks to Karl (K²) who says:

MUST watch! We are a bunch of pretentious sophisticated fools.
If your grew up drinking from a water hose or irrigation ditch as I did you or if you want to save some $$ YOU will certainly enjoy this.
If you  have time take a look at this.  Good for a laugh.  Pass it on to  all your bottled water friends.
A comedic  look at our bottled water dependencies and some troubling conclusions…

687

I found this an extremely interesting article.  Direct from the Kim Komando web site

The best and worst Internet speeds in the U.S.

 

If your Internet seems slow, you probably don’t live in Ephrata, Washington. This small town in the Pacific Northwest ranked number one on a recent nationwide speed test.

What’s this hamlet of 7,000 people doing with the fastest Internet speeds in the country? It’s home to its very own fiber optics company!

So where does your city rank on the list? I live in Phoenix, Arizona, and it comes in at 1,678th! Dreadful! Find out if you’re getting the Internet speed you paid for.

 

Without further ado, here is a list of the 10 best and 10 worst cities and towns for Internet speed.

The 10 Best
1. Ephrata, WA
2. Kansas City, KS
3. Trenton, GA
4. Millington, NJ
5. Croton On Hudson, NY
6. Westwood, MA
7. Mckees Rocks, PA
8. Randolph, NJ
9. Pendleton, OR
10. Thornwood, NY

Where we are on the list:
2861. Peru, IN
3452. Houston, TX

The 10 Worst
5680. Weston, OH
5681. Pittsburg, TX
5682. Romney, WV
5683. Bishop, CA
5684. Marlinton, WV
5685. Sitka, AK
5686. Mammoth Lakes, CA
5687. Mechanicsburg, OH
5688. Fort Defiance, AZ
5689. Chinle, AZ

View the complete list in Google Docs.

docs.google.com

coollogo_com-10158421_thumba24
a25
a26
a34
a35Pay back, is indeed a bitch!

a36

 

a37

A man goes into the hospital for a vasectomy. Before the procedure a very attractive nurse comes in and takes his vitals, then tells him to take all of his clothes off. When he is fully undressed she instructs him to lie down on the table. The man obeys. The nurse then takes all of her clothes off and climbs on top and has her way with him. Upon the completion of the act the man catches his breath and asks what that was all about. The nurse informs the patient that studies have shown that before a vasectomy if the man has an ejaculation, he will be more relaxed and that the Vas Deferens is easier for the surgeon to locate and sever, thereby making the surgery safer, more efficient and quicker. The nurse then wheels the patient to the operating room. While they are going down the hall the patient looks through a window to the right and sees six men in a room masturbating. Curious, the man asks “What are they doing in there”? The nurse responds: “They’re getting vasectomies too, but you have Blue Cross and they have Obama Care.”

688

When I go to casinos, the most ridiculous sign I see is the one that says….”If you have a gambling problem, call 1-800-GAMBLER. ” So, I call them and say, “I have an ace and a six. The dealer has a seven. What do I do??”

coollogo_com-83607298_thumb
soph
sotruecoffee
spell
spider
spock
spot

A mother in law said to her son’s wife when their baby was born: “I don’t mean to be rude but he doesn’t look anything like my son.” The daughter-in-law lifted her skirt and said: “I don’t mean to be rude either, but this is a pussy …not a fucking photo-copier.”

691

coollogo_com-83607356_thumb

Amazon is testing delivering orders within hours by drones. So far it
has been successful except for the one delivery which used an old
military drone that dropped off a package and then took out an entire
family in New Hampshire.

 

Congress’ approval rating has fallen to a record low 6%. Since they
only represent the richest 1%, the only question is who are the other
5% who still like them?

 

California Senator Diane Feinstein says that the nation’s terror threat is
“on the rise.” Although it seems the terrorists have pretty much learned
all they need to do is sit back and let Congress do a better job of
destroying the country than they could even hope for.

 

The House and Senate will be at work together a total of five days in
December. Apparently they are doing their best to just try to get the
country into 2014 without causing any more damage.

 

Prince George and Miley Cyrus have reportedly made the final list
of Barbara Walters’ “most fascinating people.” One was chosen
despite being infantile, prone to childish public behavior and hard
to control by its parents. The other is the Heir to the British Throne.

 

President Obama hit an all-time low in job approval ratings on Friday.
It’s probably jealousy. After five years in office, he owns General
Motors, Chrysler, six banks and the health insurance industry,
which is why nobody in his family will play Monopoly with him.

 

O.J.Simpson failed to get his armed robbery conviction thrown out
in Las Vegas court last week. Despite the city’s national advertising
campaign that what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas, one thing is
now very clear. The only thing that stays in Vegas is O.J. Simpson.

 

In California, a 90-year-old grandmother celebrated her birthday by
going skydiving. Not intentionally. She just kind of wandered off the plane.

692

               On a bitterly cold winters morning a husband and wife in
Edmonton  were listening to the radio during breakfast.

They heard the announcer say, “We are going to have 8 to
10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the
even-numbered side of the street, so the Snow ploughs can
get through.”So the good wife went out and moved her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the
radio announcer said, “We are expecting 10 to 12 inches
of snow today.
You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the
street, so the snow ploughs can get through.”
The good wife went out and moved her car again.

The next week they are again having breakfast,when the
radio announcer says, “We are expecting12 to 14 inches
of snow today. You must park….” Then the electricity
went out.

The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on
her face she said, “I don’t know what to do. Which side
of the street do I need to park on so the snow ploughs
can get through?”

Then with the love and understanding in his voice that
all married men exhibit, the husband
replied, “Why don’t you just leave the car in the garage
this time.”

693
677
694

678

695

680

681

689

690

coollogo_com-83394237_thumb

The NFL bans a commercial because it violates their guns and ammo policy…but…well, watch the commercial and the NRAs commentary afterward and tell me what YOU think!

coollogo_com-83607721_thumb

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1359

  1. lethalleprechaun says:

    Now Impish that’s just your preoperative jitters running away with your imagination!
    I’m looking for toasty warm places for your therapy to happen not to knock you off and hide your scaly remains!

    We both know that if I wanted to do that I’d be asking for two 40 foot ocean going cargo containers full of scrap metal and concrete, 500′ of 2 ton lifting chain and a tramp steamer I could sink in the Marianas Trench. You know like the set up in berth 4 down in the Houston ship channel.

    Besides you Whiny Wuss of a Wyrm, haven’t I given you my solemn promise that when/if you should ever need to be put down you’d never know or see it coming?

    • impishdragon says:

      Yes, yes you have told me that I’d never see it coming….and I appreciate that…I think.
      I checked down at the Houston ship channel, you know, just to see what it was you were talking about, and there is a huge rescue operation going on right now. Seems like there was a tramp steamer with lots of metal and concrete on it that somehow made it out to the middle of the channel and exploded and sank. It’s pretty weird really.
      I appreciate all the post op stuff that you have set up for me. The wheel chair with the ground to air missile system, the 24 hour round the clock playboy nursing corps, the penthouse physical therapy corps, the heated whirlpools, magical hot and cold running assistants, all of it!
      And Ikea bring the Swedish Meatballs is truly a topper.
      Thank you for all the work you’ve put into this for me.
      By the way, I couldn’t help but notice on the expense report that was, “accidentally” I’m sure, included with the last report of the preparations, there was a single line item with an unlisted dollar amount, approved by you as a line item approval with only the notation of Mrs. Dragon Pool boy, cabana boy, personal assistant, et al. Well, my question is, when did Mrs. Dragon get a pool? That’s sounds like a lot of fun!

  2. fubijar says:

    I agree with you 100% on SS, but it is an entitlement. We are entitled to it because it’s OUR MONEY. Thank the LBJ administration for deciding to put it in the general fund…

  3. Kris says:

    Hope your surgery goes well & that you’re up & running a 5K really soon. Or at least walking one. Here’s to a speedy recovery, a Merry Christmas & a HEALTHY New Year 🙂

  4. Leah Diane Hanson says:

    I “AMEN” the article on Social Security! However, there is one problem with it. When someone dies before the age of retirement, most often their money goes to children or spouses.
    I would like to add one more part of the gripe: They keep raising the age of retirment because “people are living longer”, but in what conditon? Look at you and your medical problems. For the fat cats who spend their life in an office and hire other people to do any physical labor, their bodies are well preserved. For people like myself and husband who had hard physical labor jobs, we were worn out before the legal age, and that was before they raised it again.

  5. The Ginster says:

    Hey, Impish….just be glad your not a horse….. with that bad knee they probably would put you down behind the barn. Only kidding….hope the surgery will be a complete success. Take care my friend.

    • lethalleprechaun says:

      No worries Ginster, Impish is safe from that fate.
      The barn we have here at the DL/LL HQ isn’t near big enough to take him out behind and shoot let alone bury him behind w/o it showing.

      BTW is anyone knows of an active volcano with a wheelchair friendly approach to the summit please contact me.

      • impishdragon says:

        Don’t do it!!! Lethal just wants another place to dump the body! And by the body I mean ME!!. A volcano probably wouldn’t do me very much harm, but it would be a real son-of-a-gun to try and climb out of with a bum knee. Besides, I …
        What’s that?
        Yes, I do have wings…
        oh…
        yeah…
        I have wings!
        Well…in the immortal words of Emily Litella, “Never-mind.” (and if you don’t know who Emily Litella is…you are probably way too young to be here! But, I’m sure google will give you the answer you’re looking for.
        Cheers!
        Impish

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s