Good Morning Campers!
I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving Holiday!
Things at DL & LL Electronic Media, LLC were interesting, to say the least.
I think that Lethal is still hunting dragons.
I didn’t ruin anything, contrary to the pre-Thanksgiving post that he put out on Wednesday.  Well, at least I don’t feel like I ruined anything.  I was sure those pies were supposed to be for me!  How was I supposed to know that those were designated for the whole staff?  I mean really?  It’s not like they said they were saved for anyone!
Well, okay so the electronic voice, alarm and high voltage electrical shock I received COULD have been interpreted as not being for me, but would it have been too hard to just put up a sign that said not for Impish?  Okay, so there WAS a sign that said not for Dragons, but I ask you, am I an ordinary old dragon?  Could that sign possibly have been for me?
Of course not!

And the turkey!  I ALWAYS get my own set of turkeys!  Stripped down to the white meat, with plenty of dressing and gravy.  I am a breast dragon, after all.  But these turkeys weren’t stripped down, they had all the dark meat on them.  So, you can imagine my disappointment.  I suppose that’s why I chewed them all up so messily.  I didn’t realize that all my turkey was in the other room.  But, I didn’t think it was right for Lethal to take that many shots at me.  Some of them even HIT me!  It might even be several more days until I’m back to 100%.  Do you know that I still can’t play the piano?
It’s inhuman!
And I’ve always wanted to be able to play the piano!

<As the sounds of gunfire echo through the campground…>

Well, I’m thinking Lethal still is a little annoyed with me…

DRAGON!  I KNOW YOU’RE HERE SOMEWHERE!  IT’S SATURDAY AND THIS IS YOUR CAMPGROUND!

Yeah, um…it’s really time for me to…you know…um…let’s get on with the issue!

DRAGON!  COME OUT, COME OUT WHERE EVERY YOU ARE!

So yeah…

Let’s start with something that might help keep you alive in a bad situation.  My specialty as some of you may or may not know.  No, it doesn’t have anything to do with CBRN (Chemical, Biological, Radiological and Nuclear) Survival Skills, which is one of the classes I teach on the base, but with something much more mundane.  What do you do if you have plenty of canned food, but no can opener?  Well, above and beyond the fact that a can opener ought to be one of the most duplicated items you own, you really ought to have at least one in your “grab-and-go” kit.
Here’s one that I have several of, on about every key ring I have:

But here’s a video to show you how to open a can with no can opener, knife, screwdriver, etc.  at all:

Pretty neat, right?  Anybody have any other cool ideas like this?

Did you know that Betty White is actually a real tech geek?
No, neither did I!
Well, turns out she’s VERY tech savvy…as this Sharper Image Commercial shows:

Well……Maybe not as tech savvy as I was led to believe…

With Thanksgiving having just passed on Thursday, it reminds me of Turkey…did you know that Dragons LOVE turkey!?  And this particular dragon is a real white meat fan!  Yup, I’m a real breast man.  This year at the Impish caverns we had the BEST turkey EVER!  These were the best EVER turkey breasts around.  See what I mean…

Best Turkey EVER!

Yeah, except dragons DO LIKE Turkey…especially the breasts!

Okay, so how many of us think that really WOULD be the worst horror story ever?

Here’s a public service announcement from your good friends at Dragon Laffs & Leprechaun Laffs Electronic Media, LLP.  Because we care.

Slipping back into the fire pit at the campground….
Anyone see Lethal anywhere?
He’s gone?
Oh good, well, let’s get back to the …
<Blam! Blam! Blam!>
Got you, you scaly Turkey thief!
…funny stuff!
Damn!
<Zip! Disappears in a cloud of dust!>

My uncle Asher Dragon voted straight Republican until the day he died in Chicago.
Since then he has voted Democrat.

Pure Panic!

Here’s a nice little eye-opening essay.  It’s very revealing whether you are Catholic or not.

When the Catholic Church was founded, there were no hospitals. Today, one out of five people in this country receive their medical care at a Catholic hospital.

When the Catholic Church was founded, there were no schools. Today, the Catholic Church teaches 3 million students a day, in its more than 250 Catholic Colleges and Universities, in its more than 1200 Catholic High Schools and its more than 5000 Catholic grade schools.

Every day, the Catholic Church feeds, clothes, shelters and educates more people than any other organization in the world.

The new Obama Health Mandate could end all this and the tax payers would have to make up the loss.

Also, all Catholic adoption services would come to an end; a human disaster.

There are more than 77 million Catholics in this country. It takes an estimated 50 million Catholic votes to elect a president. I am asking all of you to go to the polls in 2014 and be united in replacing all Senators and Reps with someone who will respect the Catholic Church, all Christians, and all Religions with the exception of Islam.

**Mr. President, you said**, “The USA is not a Christian Nation”. You are 100% wrong we are a Christian Nation founded on Judeo-Christian values allowing all religions in America to Worship & Practice Freely.  Something Islam will never do.

Just for that you should be Impeached and thrown out of the Country.

Oh, by the way, on MUSLIM HERITAGE IN America …

Have you ever been to a Muslim hospital?

Have you heard a Muslim orchestra?

Have you seen a Muslim band march in a parade?

Have you witnessed a Muslim charity?

Have you seen Muslims shaking hands with a Muslim Girl Scouts?

Have you seen a Muslim Candy Striper?*

*Have you ever seen a Muslim do anything that contributes positively to the American way of life?*

The day we lose our will to fight is the day we lose our freedom.

IN GOD WE TRUST

How much does each company make per second?
Who’d you think was the highest?
And how much do you think they make per second?
Well, according to Kim Komando….here’s the list.  I’ll bet you’ll be surprised.

How much do top tech companies make in one second?

It should come as no surprise that major technology companies like Microsoft, Apple, Samsung and even Facebook make millions, even billions, each year. But how much do these companies make per second? The answer might shock you

Samsung: $6,486 per second
Apple: $4,539
Foxconn: $3,815
HP: $3,459
IBM: $3,166
Microsoft: $2,331
Amazon: $1,996
Google: $1,873
Dell: $1,865
Intel: $1,628
Cisco: $1,594
Oracle: $1,068
Nokia: $941
Facebook: $230
BlackBerry: $205

Here’s a last minute update….you saw the video of how to open a can without a can opener, well one guy wrote in to Kim’s website and submitted, How to Open a Wine Bottle Without a Corkscrew:

Thanks to Ginny for supplying us with our weekly fill of these observations…

You guys remember the Carol Burnett Show, right?  You ever see the skit that never aired?  Well, if you have questions, they’ll be answered right here…

Having worked in restaurant work for many, many years, I have had the exact same thing happen to me.  I was working at a steakhouse and they insisted on opening for Thanksgiving.  I protested, sent a letter to the company, my wonderful wife sent a scathing letter to the company (“I hope that the tears of the spouses and children of the managers and employees who are working today, echo in your dreams!”)  but I went to work anyway.  As the general manager I could have pawned the duty off on one of my assistants, but I felt that if anyone was going to be screwed, I would rather it be me than one of them.  I had, after all, often told them that I would never ask of them what I wouldn’t do myself.  Well, we had a total of two customers all day long.  It cost the company a small fortune and they never did THAT again.  It wasn’t much, but it was the best payback I could ask for.

But this poor guy, also in Indiana, ended up losing his job because he refused to open his Pizza Hut on Thanks giving.  I hope the company reaps exactly the same fate as the steakhouse that I worked at!

Pizza Hut Employee: I Was Fired For Defending Thanksgiving

The general manager of a Pizza Hut in Elkhart, Ind., claims he was fired for refusing to force employees to work on Thanksgiving Day, according to local TV station WSBT 22.

The manager, Tony Rohr, had worked for the pizza chain for more than 10 years before taking a stand, telling his bosses it was not fair to force people to work on a day meant for family. Here’s Rohr’s proof of employment:

Rohr is far from alone in his reluctance to force people to work on Thanksgiving. In fact, more than 60 percent of Americans say stores should close on Turkey Day, according to a recent HuffPost/YouGov poll. Additionally, various petitions to save Thanksgiving from the slow creep of Black Friday garnered hundreds of thousands of signatures this year.

“I said why can’t we be the company that stands up and says we care about our employees and they can have the day off,” Rohr told WSBT 22.

“Thanksgiving and Christmas are the only two days that they’re closed in the whole year and they’re the only two days that those people are guaranteed to have off to spend with their families.”

Rohr additionally claims that he was asked to pen a letter of resignation. Instead, he wrote a letter, of which he showed WSBT a copy, that railed against the company:

Here’s part of what the letter said:

“I am not quitting. I do not resign however I accept that the refusal to comply with this greedy, immoral request means the end of my tenure with this company… I hope you realize that it’s the people at the bottom of the totem pole that make your life possible.”

WSBT 22 reached one of Rohr’s bosses, a local Pizza hut director of operations, who took issue with Rohr’s depiction of the events, claiming that Rohr was not fired and instead quit voluntarily.

Pizza Hut issued this statement to The Huffington Post late Wednesday:

“This was clearly an unfortunate situation, and we are very upset by what has transpired in Elkhart, Indiana. While the choice as to whether a restaurant should be open or closed on a holiday is handled at the local level by our independent franchisees, we feel strongly that this situation could have been avoided. We respect an employee’s decision not to work on a holiday if they so choose, which is why the vast majority of Pizza Huts in America are closed on Thanksgiving. The stores that are open to service their local communities are staffed by team members with the willingness to work on this day as determined by their own personal situations. We will monitor and evaluate this situation closely and regret what has occurred.”

Rohr’s story quickly went viral and the Internet predictably did its thing on Pizza Hut’s Facebook page:

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If we could only push this to the extent that more people boycotted Pizza Hut and other stores that are doing the same thing.  It’s bad enough that Black Friday has extended to start Thanksgiving evening, but some of the stores are actually opening Thanksgiving morning.  And having worked part time for Target, the idea of saying you wouldn’t be there was reason enough to be fired. 

It’s our fault. 

If we wouldn’t show up, they wouldn’t be open. 

But so many of us are so wrapped up in the commercialism of the holiday season instead of remembering the “reason for the season” that the greed of the businesses is a given.  I haven’t and hopefully never will, shop on Black Friday, simply because I don’t think I could debase myself enough to fight with other people over getting the best deal or the latest fad gift.  I most certainly will NEVER shop at a store on Thanksgiving Day.  If we don’t have something we need, then we do without.  Every customer that runs into the grocery store or even the convenience store for that last minute item is encouraging them to screw their own employees out of the one day a year that they should be spending with family.

I wonder, how many people even remember what they bought that was so important on Black Friday Last year?  Looking back on it now, was it THAT important?

Morning Folks! I know it’s the day before the big day and you’re all scurrying like mice to get things accomplished so lets get right to business shall we?

<Klaxon sounds followed by stern robotic sounding voice> “Warning! This is a secure pantry! Step away from the Thanksgiving Goodies Impish! The use of Lethal’ s Force(s) has been authorized for this area. This is your only warning! Maintain 6 Dragon lengths minimum at all times!”

<Lethal quietly bangs his head on the podium and sighs deeply>

Please excuse the interruption folks, Impish the day before the traditional Thanksgiving Feast reminds me a lot like a three year old hyped on sugar from candy canes the on Christmas Eve.

No. Wait. SIGH! That’s Impish too, my bad.

<Klaxon sounds followed by stern robotic sounding voice> “Warning! This is a secure kitchen as well! Step away from the Stove, Ovens, Refrigerators Walk in Freezer and Food Prep Areas immediately Impish! The use of Lethal’ s Force(s) has been authorized for this area. This is your only warning! Maintain 6 Dragon lengths minimum from kitchen entryway at all times!”

<An electrical crackle followed by an odor of burnt Ozone & the sound of a Dragon roaring indignantly in pain can be heard>

Robotic sounding voice: “You were warned Impish. That was only Level 3. Would care to experience Level 6? If not vacate the area immediately. WARNING! Weapon settings increases are cumulative with each attempted incursion to secured areas and apply to all secured areas.”

<Lethal again quietly bangs his head harder this time on the podium and sighs deeply>

Ladies and Gentlemen I do most heartily apologize however it seems my attention is required elsewhere at the present time. Please start the issue without me I hope to be free to join you once again by the end.

<Dons a bush jacket, Wellingtons and a hunting cap. Picks up a large shotgun turns and lays a finger to his lips> “Shhh! Be werry werry quite! I’m hunting Glutinous Dragons Ahaaaaaa!”

 

 

So how about helping Impish & I support our troops by making sure that the family of that serving National Guardsman down the street has everything they need for Thanksgiving?

Don’t personally know them? Uncomfortable with asking them? Afraid of embarrassing them? Most chain grocery stores offer gift cards now. Just drop one anonymously in their mailbox with a “Thank You for your loved one’s service” note. Help make this scene:

A little nicer and more bearable for all of them wont you? After all their family is helping keep you and 100 of thousands more like you safe for your Thanksgiving Day.

 

Man Throws Parrot At Waterbury Officer

October 17, 2013|By DAVID OWENS, dowens@courant.com, The Hartford Courant

• WATERBURY — A local man armed with a parrot was charged with assaulting a police officer and other offenses after allegedly hurling the white bird at a pursuing officer.

Police had been called to Orange and Walnut streets about 10 p.m. Tuesday for a report of a fight. When officers arrived, they spotted Luis Santana, 32, and the bird, and began chasing Santana. He turned and threw the bird at the officer, police said.

When Officer Gary Kichar raised his hand to shield himself, the bird chomped down on his finger, police said. Kichar was treated at the scene.

Police caught Santana, who tried to hide in the bathroom of a building in which he did not live, police said.

Waterbury police Deputy Chief Christopher Corbett said that the bird apparently was stolen and that the owner came forward and the bird returned.

Santana, who lives in a local homeless shelter, was charged with assault on a police officer, interfering with an officer, disorderly conduct and cruelty to animals for the incident with the parrot. He was charged with second-degree burglary for running into the building. Corbett said an additional charge would be filed in the theft of the bird.

Well that certain brings ‘giving the cop the bird’ to a whole new level doesn’t it!  Speaking of the bird, here are some timely tips on how to safely get in on the turkey frying craze .

 

 

 

This week it’s a wonderful Thanksgiving Wish from Reader Paul B.

http://www.jacquielawson.com/viewcard.asp?code=WQ26144948

Lethal’ s head pops in the room.

“Any Dragons in here?” No? Harrumph!”

He sees what you are looking at.

“Yeah I figured that this late in the game you wouldn’t be needing any meal ideas but a few last minute easy and impressive dessert ideas are always a good thing. In truth Impish was almost behaving himself  until we started making these 2 recipes then I guess the strain just got to him and he snapped.”

White Chocolate Cranberry Pear Pastry

At a glance

 Prep 30 min. |  Total 2 hr. 15 min. |  Serves 10

Thaw: 40 min. | Bake: 35 min. | Cool: 30 min.

Canned pears, chopped white chocolate and dried cranberries make a fabulous filling for this no-fuss fruit pie, made simple in a flaky puff pastry crust.

What You’ll Need

1 egg
1 tablespoon water
1 package (17.3 ounces) Pepperidge Farm® Puff Pastry Sheets (2 sheets), thawed according to package directions
6 squares squares (1 ounce each) white chocolate
2 cans (15 ounces each) sliced pears, well drained
1/4 cup dried cranberries

How to Make It

• 1 Heat the oven to 375°F. Beat the egg and water in a small bowl with a fork or whisk.
• 2 Unfold the pastry sheets on a lightly floured surface. Trim about 1 inch off the corners of each pastry sheet. Reserve the trimmings to use as decorations, if desired. Place 1 pastry sheet on a baking sheet.
• 3 Chop 4 squares of the chocolate. Stir the chocolate, pears and cranberries in a medium bowl. Spread the mixture in the center of the pastry sheet to within 1 inch of the edges. Brush the edges with water. Top with the remaining pastry sheet. Press the edges together with a fork to seal. Decorate with the pastry trimmings. Brush the pastry with the egg mixture. Cut several 2-inch slits, 2 inches apart on top.
• 4 Bake for 35 minutes or until the pastry is golden brown. Cool the pastry on a baking sheet on a wire rack for 30 minutes before serving. Melt the remaining chocolate and drizzle it over the pastry. Cut the pastry into 10 squares.

 

Pumpkin Mousse Napoleons

Here’s a delicious alternative to traditional pumpkin pie. And to make the napoleons look as good as they taste, check out the simple directions for making the striped design on top.

At a glance

 Prep 20 min. |  Total 1 hr. 55 min. |  Serves 12

Thaw: 40 min. | Bake: 15 min. | Chill: 30 min. | Cool: 10 min.

What You’ll Need

1/2 of a 17.3-ounce package Pepperidge Farm® Puff Pastry Sheets (1 sheet), thawed
1 cup canned pumpkin
2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/2 cup confectioners’ sugar
2 cups whipped topping
1/4 cup chopped pecans

How to Make It

• 1 Heat the oven to 400°F.
• 2 Unfold the pastry sheet on a lightly floured surface.  Cut the pastry sheet into 3 strips along the fold marks. Cut each strip into 4 rectangles, making 12 in all.  Place the pastry rectangles onto a baking sheet.
• 3 Bake for 15 minutes or until the pastries are golden brown.  Remove the pastries from the baking sheet and let cool on a wire rack for 10 minutes.  Split the pastries into 2 layers, making 24 in all.
• 4 Stir the pumpkin, cinnamon, nutmeg and sugar in a medium bowl.  Fold in the whipped topping.  Cover and refrigerate for 30 minutes.
• 5 Divide the pumpkin mixture among 12 bottom pastry layers. Top with the pecans and top pastry layers.  Garnish with additional cinnamon and confectioners’ sugar or whipped topping.

Tip: For a striped garnish, place 1/2-inch strips of wax paper diagonally across the tops of the pastries.  Sprinkle with confectioners’ sugar or cinnamon.  Remove the wax paper.

 

What to say after observing Impish do and say this: RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

 

Well if I can’t keep Impish away from the kitchen with high tech security measures, maybe PsyOps will work. See Impish is VERY susceptible to certain suggestions. All I have to do is just mention a song that got too much airplay when it was in vogue and instant ear wig!

For those of you who are not familiar with this, its not a bug, rather it bugs the hell out of you. Every have one of those jingles or songs you couldn’t get out of your head? That’s an ear wig.Time to give Impish a holiday related one. Excuse me while I play this through out the entire HQ.

<Anguished scream can be heard for far off in the distance>

“NO! NO! Not again! Can’t. Get. ‘Pastry-bation!’ Song. Out. Of. ‘Come on and pastry-brate baked goods tonight.’ ARRGH! MY HEAD! Lethal this is against the Geneva Convention!”

<slapping hands together and snapping out his apron with a small cloud of flour resulting>

Well that seems to have him temporarily under control anyway. Fortunately last time I checked neither Tir Na Nog or Draconia were signatories to the Geneva Convention. So I’m off then, back to me kitchen still LOTS to do.

I intend to take full advantage of the cold and dank weather by sleep a wee bit on the decadently late side, then properly breaking in the new bedroom TV with coffee, a warm and flakey pastry along with the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. I shall accomplish this while still warm and snuggly under me covers with a sniffling and under the weather from what looks to be the flu Molly.

Then we’ll have a scrumptious Thanksgiving Day Dinner with out a whole lot of fussing which means doing the bulk of the work today and just popping everything in for a reheat tomorrow.

I have originally planned some inspiring words about the things I was thankful for. However posting time is nigh upon me and I have yet to find the time to devote to properly and profoundly expressing all the thoughts running around in my head.

Instead please accept these equally profound quotes on the subject of Thanksgiving in their place.

20 Favorite Thanksgiving Quotes

At its heart, Thanksgiving is just about the simplest holiday we celebrate. No gifts are expected; there’s no tree to chop down. We don’t even have to think too hard about the food we’ll eat –– the traditional menu has been planned for us for generations. All we’re expected to do is sit down with friends and family, eat a whole lot –– and say thank you. It’s very basic, but also very profound.

Thanksgiving is such a touchstone in our culture that it has inspired many notable people to reflect on its meaning. From the deep to the humbling to the simply funny, here are 20 of our favorite quotes about Thanksgiving.

“Thanksgiving is the holiday that encompasses all others. All of them, from Martin Luther King Day to Arbor Day to Christmas to Valentine’s Day, are in one way or another about being thankful.” – Jonathan Safran Foer

“As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.” – John F. Kennedy

“Perhaps no custom reveals our character as a Nation so clearly as our celebration of Thanksgiving Day.” – Ronald Reagan

“Thanksgiving was never meant to be shut up in a single day.” – Robert Caspar Lintner

“Let us remember that, as much has been given us, much will be expected from us, and that true homage comes from the heart as well as from the lips, and shows itself in deeds.” – Theodore Roosevelt

“A thankful heart is not only the greatest virtue, but the parent of all the other virtues.” – Cicero

“Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.” – Johnny Carson

“Small cheer and great welcome makes a merry feast.” – William Shakespeare

“Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare. They are consumed in 12 minutes. Half-times take 12 minutes. This is not coincidence.” – Erma Bombeck

“We’re having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we’re having a swan. You get more stuffing.” – George Carlin

“My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.” – Phyllis Diller

“If you are really thankful, what do you do? You share.” – W. Clement Stone

“An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.” – Irv Kupcinet

“Grace isn’t a little prayer you chant before receiving a meal. It’s a way to live.” – Jacqueline Winspear

“If you want to turn your life around, try thankfulness. It will change your life mightily.” – Gerald Good

“I am grateful for what I am and have. My thanksgiving is perpetual. . . . O how I laugh when I think of my vague indefinite riches. No run on my bank can drain it, for my wealth is not possession but enjoyment.” – Henry David Thoreau

“Gratitude is the sign of noble souls.” – Aesop

“I do not think of all the misery, but of the glory that remains. Go outside into the fields, nature and the sun, go out and seek happiness in yourself and in God. Think of the beauty that again and again discharges itself within and without you and be happy.” – Anne Frank

“Not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the true measure of our thanksgiving.”  – W.T. Purkiser

“There is one day that is ours. There is one day when all we Americans who are not self-made go back to the old home to eat saleratus biscuits and marvel how much nearer to the porch the old pump looks than it used to. Thanksgiving Day is the one day that is purely American.” – O. Henry

“This year, let us especially seek to rekindle in our respective hearts and minds the spirit of our first settlers who valued freedom above all else, and who found much for which to be thankful when material comforts were meager. We are, indeed, a most fortunate people.” – Richard Nixon

“Be thankful for what you have. Your life, no matter how bad you think it is, is someone else’s fairy tale.” – Wale Ayeni

“If a fellow isn’t thankful for what he’s got, he isn’t likely to be thankful for what he’s going to get.” – Frank A. Clark

Good Morning Campers!
Got a great issue planned out for you today!
Let me hear from you and tell me what you think!

A really good infographic from our good friends at makeuseof.com

What kind of geek are you?  Is this not a great poster?

This one is WAY TOO High Def to try to put here through youtube, instead, our good friend Karl has given us a link.  Really, go check it out!!
Thanks Karl

Karl shares a story with us that happened to him the other night…

I woke up to go to the toilet in the middle of the night and noticed a Muslim sneaking through my next door neighbor’s garden.
Suddenly my neighbor came from nowhere and smacked him over the head with a shovel, killing him instantly. He then began to dig a grave with the shovel.
Astonished I got back into bed.
My wife said, ​”​Karl, ​you’re shaking, what is it?“​
“​You’ll never believe what I’ve just seen,”​ I said, “That Bastard next door still has my fucking shovel​!”

My buddy’s wife isn’t the brightest bulb in the box.
NOT the correct way to put oil in the car.

Thanks to Dad for this set….Signs seen …
If Life Is A Waste of Time,
And Time is a Waste of Life,
Then Let’s All Get Wasted Together
And Have The Time Of Our Lives
Armand’s Pizza, Washington, D.C.

Fighting for Peace is like
Screwing for Virginity
The Bayou, Baton Rouge, LO

No matter how good she looks
Some other guys is sick and tired
Of putting up with her shit!
Men’s Room
Linda’s Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill, NC

Express Lane:
Five beers or less.
Sign over one of the urinals
Ed Debevic’s, Phoenix, AZ

You’re too good for him…
Sign over mirror in Women’s restroom
Ed Debevic’s, Beverly Hills, CA

No wonder you always go home alone…
Over mirror in Men’s restroom,
Ed Debevic’s, Beverly Hills, CA

Interesting Facts you may not have known…is that Impish Dragon is from Indiana.  So it was really great when my buddy Rocky sent me these…

The first tomato juice factory was also in French Lick, IN.

The world’s largest orchid species collection is found at Ball State University in Muncie, Indiana.

An average of 400 funnel clouds are sighted each year in Indiana.

Josie Orr, wife of former Indiana Governor Robert Orr, flew bombers and cargo planes during World War II.

The career of Dorothy Lamour  (famous for the Bing Crosby-Bob Hope Road Movies) was launched in Indianapolis.

Crown Hill Cemetery ( Indianapolis ) is the largest cemetery in the U.S.

The library in Fort Wayne, Allen County, Indiana, houses one of the largest genealogy libraries in America.

The Courthouse roof in Greensburg, Indiana, has a tree growing from it.

The American Beauty Rose was developed at Richmond, Indiana.

Purdue Alumnus, Earl Butz, served as the Secretary of Agriculture. (there are lots of jokes about that)

The singing McGuire Sisters spent their childhood summers at the Church of God Campground in Anderson, Indiana.

La Porte County is the only county in America having 2 functioning courthouses.

Crawfordsville, Indiana ( Montgomery County ) is the only site in the world where crinoids are found. (What is a crinoid, you ask? A form of deep-water marine life that looks something like a starfish.)

Pendleton, Indiana, was the site of the ‘Fall Creek Massacre’. A museum housing 3500 artifacts of pioneer heritage now exists on that site.

St. Meinrad Archabbey is located in Spencer County and is one of only 2 archabbeys in the U.S. and seven in the world. (Abbey Press is an operation of the archabbey.)

Roberta Turpin Willett was born in Indiana .

Mae West and Claude Akins were from Bedford, Indiana.

Bob Greise is from Evansville, Indiana and was quarterback at Purdue University in West Lafayette, IN.

Florence Henderson is from Indiana.

The birthplace of the automobile, the pneumatic rubber tire, the aluminum casting process, stainless steel and the first push-button car radio was in Kokomo , Indiana . 

Frank Borman, NASA astronaut, born in Gary, Indiana. 

Pretty neat, huh? And you thought there was only corn in Indiana . Don’t forget, breaded tenderloin sandwiches are seldom found anyplace else!

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Again, my good buddy Wheats blesses us with his words.  You done good buddy!

In the United States, assume all ideas are of “equal” merit, for lack of a better way to put it. The statist approach vs. the private market approach get consideration and, arguably, the apparent polls showed about a 50/50 split in the love/hate relationship of those who wanted it vs. those who did not.

So out it came. And from the very first moment, it has failed. It has failed gloriously. It has reaffirmed what capitalists and private market constitutionalists have insisted for years. It went *kablooie* on the very first day.

But, entertain for a moment that it just might be an affirmation of the capitalist system working. That is, everyone and everything has the opportunity to fail. A right endowed by our creator. It’s as if God Himself said, “OK….try it. Go ahead. You don’t seem interested in listening to Me, so I have allowed you the gift to choose for yourself. Perhaps when you see it fail, you will realize what I said to you was correct.”

The great experiment that is the United States may survive this dabbling in Marxism and all the other isms that have come along but at the end of the day, a free people can deride the ones who took them for a ride and get rid of them. So far, I don’t think anyone from president pants-crease to all the other national socialists is immune from haughty derision and ridicule.

The racist tag has lost power, as witnessed by the backlash to D’oh-prah’s asinine remarks and more and more of the party’s celebrity hacks are walking away shaking their heads.

It’s much like partying all night, living it up, care and worry free until the next morning when the hangover and the reality of life hit you as you wake up with your own vomit gluing you to the pillow. Yeah—like that.

You then say, with your head feeling like it’s powered by Briggs & Stratton and wanting it to stop, “Ohhhhhh……never again.”

That is, until the next time. Someone on this blog stated that they think this ACA thing will signal the end of leftism.

Nope.

It won’t.

The allure to a perfect universe at the hands of intellectual salespeople who re-package and re-brand and re-invent socialism again and again always gets new customers. Sometimes the same old customers who just can’t seem to learn.

But love it they do. After all, who wouldn’t want a world with free everything and no consequences? No pollution, no bad kids, no criminals, no evil profiteers, everyone is special and gets trophies and all kids can grow up to be brain surgeons or astronauts or pro athletes—all they have to do is just ask. After all, they’re all equal, right?

The emotional maturity that was provided to the WWII generation was there because of the realities of the Great Depression and a world at war where they saw the worst of the worst but also realized they survived. They put that attitude into action and made the United States the first nation with a middle-class bursting at the seams. A middle class that did it all and provided the world with an example of what teamwork and freedom in a free-market economy could accomplish.

Not some troll-infested worker’s “paradise” with everyone making the same wage, everyone getting the same food, same living accommodations, etc., no. A nation where anyone could aspire to be and/or do anything if they were willing to put forth the effort.

So…the national socialists put forth their effort to market, sell and implement a socialized healthcare system that had the ulterior motive of breaking the health insurance industry once and for all and their tactics and marketing strategy not only failed but it failed big. Titanic-sinking iceberg big. Asteroid-killing dinosaur big. Like I said, *kablooie*.

Sadly, though, there are still too many national socialists who think that rationalization is the same as explanation. Today the talk at work was about the national socialists blaming the republicans for the failures of the ACA implementation and even their own pathetic little mouth-breathers weren’t buying that. The democrats wrote it, made it law, implemented it, and are administering it without any help from any republican on planet earth….the consequence of locking them out of the process.

They have it all over their shoes and now they are walking all over the carpet but trying to blame it on someone or something else.

This is the definition of puerile.

But after this muck-up has been pushed aside for long enough, they’ll be back with yet another grandiose banana-republic toy and candy store wet dream to get everyone’s attention. And they’ll find new idealists who think that fixing man’s inherent faults can be done by central government planning and control.

And it always almost seems to split right down the middle of society.

Man it seems like lately its always something!

First there was the rotted out cast iron sink fiasco, which gave way to the ‘maintenance is apparently incapable of replacing a sink & faucet without reusing the rotten drain stubs so your under cabinet storage bins fill with stagnant moldy vermin attracting water. This lead to the Fantastic Fruit Fly Invasion and its follow on the Roach Rebellion which was then followed by the House Mouse Mob which Precipitated the great Kitchen Cat-trastrophy & Calamity.

Finally I get it all under control- Just when I think I’m in a position to take a little time to enjoy the peace, quiet, calm and (relatively) stress free order that has been so hard won, I step out the door for my morning paper and there they are…SPACEBALLS!

Sigh! Well I guess it could have been worse. It could have been Impish wanting to stay with me because he’s scared of the tornados up there in Impish Indiana, or the TARDIS could have materialized on my doorstep.

 

 

 

Poll results courtesy of the Washington Times

The 50th anniversary of president John F. Kennedy’s assassination is November 22, and the New York Times notes that “dozens” of books are coming out to capitalize on public interest in the milestone. The paper notes that since the 1963 assassination more than 40,000 books have been published on JFK. Meanwhile, AbeBooks.com notes that “No one knows exactly how many books have been written about” our arguably best president, Abraham Lincoln, “but in 2012 Ford’s Theater Centre for Education and Leadership in Washington D.C. constructed a 34-foot pillar of unique titles about Lincoln, and it contained more than 15,000 books.”

Here is a brilliant idea that solves a serious problem. One I have been asking for a solution for for years.

One Coin for All of Your Cards

This Startup Built One Credit Card That Can Store All Your Other Cards That Make Your Wallet Super Thick And Annoying
http://www.businessinsider.com/coin-p…

Hopefully there is a bit more to the security involved that what is shown to make people cloning your card unlikely. While I’m going to refrain from preordering one I will be keeping an eye out for them once they go into production.

If it’s mid-November, there must be some sort of panic-inducing announcement about the shortage of a Thanksgiving dinner staple. In years past, pumpkin pie filling has been locus of the upset. This year, it’s fresh Butterball turkeys.

Note: That’s specifically fresh Butterball turkeys, and just that particular brand. There are still plenty of frozen turkeys from Butterball, as well as fresh birds from other producers available for your roasting pleasure. But the mere notion of not having enough of a T-Day dish to gobble down seems to incite freakout.

The skinny: Some farmers who supply Butterball couldn’t get their turkeys to plump up sufficiently, so fresh ones over 16 pounds might be in short supply.

Butterball released a statement via email saying in part: “Butterball and its retail partners have ample supply of frozen whole turkeys of all sizes – small, medium or large. While there may be limited availability on some larger sizes of fresh turkeys, Butterball has shipped 100 percent of customer orders of frozen whole turkeys and products are in distribution across the country. We experienced a decline in weight gains on some of our farms causing a limited availability of large, fresh turkeys. While we are continuing to evaluate all potential causes, we are working to remedy the issue. We sincerely regret the inconvenience that some of our customers have experienced as a result of this issue.”

Butterball produces around 1.3 billion pounds of turkey meat a year, and 20 percent of the United States’ turkeys.

Breathing a little easier? Good. You’ve got 10 days until holiday madness descends. Make ’em count.

Now that you are sufficiently panicked about getting the bird, lets take the panic out of dessert for the feast for you. We’ll save that panic for when you fail to achieve any of your Black Friday shopping goals.

Cranberry Upside-Down Cake

From “Martha Stewart’s Cakes” by Martha Stewart

Serves 8

¾ cup (1½ sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature, plus more for pan
¾ cup all-purpose flour, plus more for pan
2¾ cups fresh or thawed frozen cranberries
½ cup plus 1 tablespoon pure maple syrup
½ teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon baking powder
¼ teaspoon salt
¼ cup plus 2 tablespoons coarse yellow cornmeal
¼ cup almond paste
¾ cup plus 2 tablespoons sugar
3 large eggs, separated, room temperature
¼ teaspoon vanilla extract
¼ teaspoon almond extract
½ cup milk

Instructions: Butter an 8-inch round cake pan; dust with flour, tapping out excess. In a large skillet, heat 6 tablespoons butter over medium until sizzling. Add cranberries; cook until shiny, about 2 minutes. Add maple syrup and cinnamon. Cook, stirring frequently, until cranberries soften but still hold their shape, 3 to 5 minutes. Remove from heat.

With a slotted spoon, transfer cranberries to a baking sheet to cool slightly before arranging in prepared cake pan. Return skillet to medium heat and cook until syrup boils and thickens, 3 to 4 minutes; do not overcook. Immediately pour syrup over cranberries; let cool, about 10 minutes.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees, with rack in center. Whisk flour, baking powder and salt in a bowl. Whisk in cornmeal with a fork.

With an electric mixer on medium, beat remaining 6 tablespoons butter and the almond paste until well combined, about 30 seconds. Gradually add ¾ cup sugar; beat until creamy, about 2 minutes. Add egg yolks; beat until well combined. Beat in vanilla and almond extracts. Add flour mixture in 2 batches, alternating with the milk and beginning and ending with the flour; beat until just combined.

In a clean bowl, with an electric mixer on medium-low, whisk egg whites until foamy. Slowly add remaining 2 tablespoons sugar. Raise speed to high and beat until soft peaks form, about 5 minutes. Whisk one third of the whites into batter; fold in remaining whites.

Carefully spread batter over cranberries. Bake until a cake tester comes out clean, about 45 minutes. Transfer to a wire rack to cool 2 hours before inverting onto a serving plate.

 

Egg ’n’ Grogg Pie

From “The Four & Twenty Blackbirds Pie Book” by Emily Elsen and Melissa Elsen

Makes one 9-inch pie; serves 8-10

 

GINGERSNAP CRUMB CRUST FOR A 9-INCH PIE (RECIPE BELOW)

¾ cup cream cheese, softened
¾ cup granulated sugar
¼ teaspoon kosher salt
½ teaspoon vanilla paste (Nielsen-Massey makes a readily available one @ Amazon)
½ teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg
¼ teaspoon ground allspice
¼ teaspoon ground cinnamon
Pinch ground cloves
3 large eggs
1 cup heavy cream
3 tablespoons dark rum
½ teaspoon fresh lemon juice

Instructions:

Position a rack in the center of the oven and preheat the oven to 325 degrees. Place the prepared crumb shell on a rimmed baking sheet.

In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, blend the softened cream cheese with the sugar, salt, vanilla paste, nutmeg, allspice, cinnamon and cloves until well mixed. Beat in the eggs one at a time, followed by the heavy cream, rum and lemon juice. Stir until well combined. Carefully pour the filling into the pie shell; to avoid disturbing the crumb crust, slow the stream by pouring it over a rubber scraper and letting the filling dribble into the pan. Bake on the middle rack of the oven for 40 to 45 minutes, rotating 180 degrees when the edges start to set, about 25 minutes through baking. The pie is finished when the edges are set and the center is no longer liquid but still quite wobbly. Be careful not to over bake or the custard can separate; the filling will continue to cook and set after the pie is removed from the oven. Allow to cool completely on a wire rack, 2 to 3 hours. Serve slightly warm, at room temperature or cool. Pie will keep refrigerated 2 days or at room temperature 1 day.

Gingersnap Crumb Crust

About 20 2-inch gingersnap cookies (enough to make 1 cup crumbs)
2 tablespoons granulated sugar
¼ teaspoon kosher salt
4 tablespoons (½ stick) butter, melted
Egg white wash (1 large egg whisked with 1 teaspoon cold water), optional

Instructions:

In the bowl of a food processor fitted with the blade attachment, grind the gingersnap cookies to fine crumbs. Add sugar, salt and melted butter and pulse to incorporate. Pour the crumbs into an ungreased, preferably metal, 9-inch pie pan. Spread evenly over bottom and then create a circle about 1 inch in to separate crumbs for the side from crumbs for the bottom. Start pressing the outer-ring crumbs evenly up the sides and into the corner of pan. Press remaining crumbs evenly over the bottom to meet the sides. Freeze until solid, about 10 minutes. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Bake on center oven rack 12 to 14 minutes, until fragrant and darkened slightly. If the crust slumps or cracks while baking, gently push the crumbs back into place while hot, with a clean, folded kitchen towel. While hot from the oven, moisture-proof the crust by brushing the bottom lightly with the egg white wash, if desired. Bake for an additional minute to set the egg white wash. Cool completely on a wire rack. Refrigerate crust for 10 minutes prior to filling to set crumbs and make filling easier.

Pumpkin, Sage, and Browned-Butter Cakes

From “Martha Stewart’s Cakes” by Martha Stewart

Makes 8

¾ cup (1½ sticks) unsalted butter, plus more for pans
1²/3cups all-purpose flour, plus more for pans
¼ cup fresh sage, cut into thin strips, plus whole leaves for garnish (optional)
2 teaspoons baking powder
½ teaspoon ground cinnamon
¼ teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg
¹/8 teaspoon ground cloves
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup solid-pack pumpkin (not pumpkin pie filling)
1 cup packed light brown sugar
2 large eggs

Instructions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Butter eight 4-by-2½-inch loaf pans; dust with flour, tapping out excess. Melt butter in a saucepan over medium-low heat.

Add sage strips; cook until butter turns golden brown, 5 to 8 minutes.

Transfer mixture to a bowl; let cool slightly. Meanwhile, whisk together flour, baking powder, cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves and salt.

In another bowl, whisk together pumpkin, brown sugar, eggs and sage-butter mixture.

Add flour mixture; whisk until incorporated.

Divide batter evenly among prepared pans; smooth tops with an offset spatula.

Place pans on a rimmed baking sheet; bake until a cake tester comes out clean, about 30 minutes.

Transfer pans to a wire rack to cool 15 minutes.

Turn out cakes onto rack to cool completely. (Cakes can be wrapped in plastic and stored at room temperature overnight or refrigerated up to 5 days.) Garnish with whole sage leaves before serving, if desired.

Note: To make a large loaf instead of several smaller ones, use a 9-by-5-inch loaf pan and bake for 40 minutes.

  Peach Bellini

Your guests will never guess that canned peaches were used to create this elegant cocktail.

 Prep Time: 5 minutes | Total Time: 5 minutes

 Servings: 6

2 15-ounce cans Sliced Peaches in Extra Light Syrup chilled
750 milliliters Brut Sparkling Wine, chilled

Directions:

1. Add drained peaches to a blender or food processor and blend until smooth. Pour mixture into pitcher.
2. Add sparkling wine and stir to combine. Pour into glasses

What Impish is really complaining about is he used to be able to use a VW as a skateboard. Now he needs two smart cars for roller skates and a third for his tail!

Police work can be entertaining as well as dangerous.

Recently, a female sheriff’s deputy arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22 year old white male, who was fornicating with a pumpkin in the middle of a field at night. The next day, at the Gwinnett County (GA) courthouse, Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency and public intoxication.

The suspect explained  that he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking session when he decided to stop. ‘You know how a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles, or at least I thought there was no one around’ he stated.
Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his pressing need. ‘Guess I was really into it, y’know?’ he commented with evident embarrassment.

In the process of doing the deed, Lawrence failed to notice an approaching sheriff’s car and was unaware of his audience until Deputy Brenda Taylor approached him.

‘It was an unusual situation, that’s for sure,’ said Deputy Taylor.
‘I walked up to Lawrence and he’s just humping away at this pumpkin.’
Deputy Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence …

‘I said: ‘Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you’re having sex with a pumpkin?’

He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then he looked me straight in the face and said: ‘A pumpkin? Shit … is it midnight already?’

The court (and the judge) could not contain their laughter. Lawrence was found guilty only of public intoxication, fined $10. and sent on his way.

The Washington Post wrote an article describing this as “The best come-back line ever.”

Even our weird police calls are bigger!

Cops chase kangaroo down Texas highway

West Texas police found themselves in a peculiar pursuit Tuesday night.

Deputies thought dispatchers were crazy when calls came in from people who said they saw a kangaroo hopping along a rural highway, Midland County Sheriff Gary Painter told The Associated Press.

Patrol car video captured some of the chase.

 

Deputies helped corner the 4-foot-tall pet kangaroo that had gotten loose as the owner offered a treat to the animal, then grabbed it.

Painter said Wednesday that Midland County has an exotic animals ordinance and owners must notify the sheriff’s office. Authorities are checking to see if a pet kangaroo falls under that category.

 

Obama’s military contempt: The outrageous treatment of Clint Lorance

Emphasis and highlighting are my editorial comments.

Monday, October 14, 2013 – Allen West: Out of the Foxhole by Allen B. West

WASHINGTON, October 14, 2013 – If the fact that the Obama Administration has blocked aging veterans from visiting the World War II memorial and denied death gratuity benefits for fallen warriors doesn’t seem to indicate contempt for our military, how about this most recent story?

Army First Lieutenant Clint Lorance, a 28-year-old combat leader in the 82d Airborne Division from Celeste, Texas was recently found guilty of two counts of murder in Afghanistan and sentenced to 20 years in Ft. Leavenworth.

The story of First Lieutenant Lorance has not been covered by a single major media source.

In July 2012, Lorance was ordered to take command of a platoon in the southern Afghanistan province of Kandahar, a region where I also spent two and a half years training and advising the Afghan National Army. The platoon Lorance now commanded had lost its previous leader to enemy attack.

During a patrol in enemy territory, Lorance ordered a marksman to engage two unarmed Taliban fighters on a motorcycle operating as scout spotters.

In Afghanistan and Iraq, a common enemy tactic is for unarmed fighters on motorcycles with cell phones to track unit movements. In fact, enemy combatants had previously used the tactics against this same platoon.

Lorance, who was operating in a combat zone, saw the scout spotters and assessed them as a threat to his platoon. Aerial surveillance later backed up Lorance’s on-the-ground assessment.

It seems obvious that enemy scouts reporting a unit position and movements in order to facilitate an ambush would define “hostile intent.” But not according to the watered-down Rules of Engagement with which our warriors must contend.

In little more than a year, First Lieutenant Lorance was tried and sentenced to prison. Swift justice to be sure, but why then did it take four years to try and convict Nidal Malik Hasan, who fatally shot 13 and wounded more than 30 during his 2009 rampage at Ft Hood Texas?

The irony of the dilemma currently facing our troops, those who have volunteered to protect and defend our freedoms, is appalling. Shall they fight and kill the enemy but then risk imprisonment because of insidious rules by lawyers?

Or shall they be killed and denied their rightful benefits for their families, because of insidious declarations by lawyers and politicians?

We are sending the wrong message to our enemies, and we are clearly sending the wrong message to those who would sacrifice their lives for our nation.

Good Morning Campers!
I’d love to give you a big lead in and tell you what a great issue this is and how much fun you’re going to have (it is and you will) but I’ve got to get some sleep so I can go to work early in the morning.
So, without further ado…

This first part has been going around for a long time.  I’m sure there’s a bit of “artistic License” involved, but the thought itself is very true.

When I was a kid, I couldn’t understand why Eisenhower was so popular. Maybe this will explain why.

General Eisenhower Warned Us.

It is a matter of history that when the Supreme Commander of the Allied Forces, General Dwight Eisenhower, found the victims of the death camps he ordered all possible  photographs to be taken, and for the German people from surrounding villages to be ushered through the camps and even made to bury the dead.
He did this because he said in words to this effect: ‘Get it all on record now – get the films – get the witnesses – because somewhere down the road of history some bastard will get up and say that this never happened’
This week, the UK debated whether to remove The Holocaust from its school curriculum because it ‘offends’ the Muslim population which claims it never occurred. It is not removed as yet.. However, this is a frightening portent of the fear that is gripping the world and how easily each country is giving into it.
It is now more than 60 years after the Second World War in Europe ended.. This e-mail is being sent as a memorial chain, in memory of the, six million Jews, 20 million Russians, 10 million Christians, and 1,900 Catholic priests Who were ‘murdered, raped, burned, starved, beaten, experimented on and humiliated’ while many in the world looked the other way!
Now, more than ever, with Iran, among others, claiming the Holocaust to be ‘a myth,’ it is imperative to make sure the world never forgets.

This e-mail is intended to reach 400 million people! Be a link in the memorial chain and help distribute this around the world.
How many years will it be before the attack on the World Trade Center ‘NEVER HAPPENED’,

The longer we wait, to make things right, the harder it becomes to fix anything.  Fellow campers, the longer we continue to forgive and forget, the more often we will be brutally taken advantage of.  Don’t turn a blind eye.  Do say “somebody” ought to do something.  Don’t say “I don’t want to get involved.”  Be the power that is your own future.

Very timely…

This one is from K².  Brother Karl is a great guy and sends us some really fantastic stuff.  This little link is among the best.  You try and figure out how it’s done and if you can come up with a better answer than computer generation, let me know…
What you are about to see,You will not believe your own eyes
Click below
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10202129812517526“

And another great submission from K²

Sent in by our dear friend Diaman.  She’s worried about me.  It’s so sweet:

My Dad is a very thoughtful guy.  By that I mean he has lots and lots of thoughts…and, so it seems, questions.  Here’s his latest…

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to ‘put your two cents in’… but it’s only a ‘penny for your thoughts’? Where’s that extra penny going to?

Once you’re in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they ‘slept like a baby’ when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie, but you’re ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
They’re going to see you naked anyway…

Why is ‘bra’ singular and ‘panties’ plural?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
They’re both dogs!

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn’t he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it’s outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it’s in your butt?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Why, Why, Why

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on ‘insufficient funds’ when they know there is not enough money?

Why does someonebelieve you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an ‘S’ in the word ‘lisp’?

If people evolved from apes,
why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses
are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that’s falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my FAVORITE………
The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons are suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends — if they’re okay, then it’s you.

Thanks Dad…now I’ve got a bunch of questions in MY head.  It’s like not being able to get a certain song out of your head all day…now I’ve gotten all these questions floating around.

Impish Dragon and Lethal Leprechaun were talking one afternoon when Impish tells Lethal, “You know, I think I’m about ready for a vacation. Only this year I’m gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go.

Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Mrs. Dragon got pregnant.

Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas,and Mrs. Dragon got pregnant again.

Last year you suggested Tahiti and dammed if Mrs. Dragon didn’t get pregnant again.”

Lethal asks Impish, “So, what are you going to do this year that’s different?”

Impish Dragon says, “This year I’m taking Mrs. Dragon with me.”

 

Probably a lot my truth in this one than laughter

Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son.

“Wake up, son. It’s time to go to school!”

“But why, Mom?  I don’t want to go.”

“Give me two reasons why you don’t want to go.”

“Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!”

“Oh, that’s no reason not to go to school.  Come on now and get ready.”

“Give me two reasons why I *should* go to school.”

“Well, for one, your 52 years old. And for another, you’re the PRINCIPAL!”

Lethal Leprechaun and I both wear these medical alert bracelets…

Happily Ever After????

I’m currently in hiding from Elmer…writing this from an undisclosed location.  I know what side of the fence I’m on!

Continuing on a theme already started with this issue, Here’s a real nice comparison:

What a great comparison!  But why doesn’t the website work?  With all the companies out there who are having HUGE traffic and not having any website issues, why can’t this one, that should have been produced by the best talent the United States!  Maybe this has something to do with it…

Michelle Obama’s Princeton classmate is executive at company that built Obamacare website

First Lady Michelle Obama’s Princeton classmate is a top executive at the company that earned the contract to build the failed Obamacare website.

Toni Townes-Whitley, Princeton class of ’85, is senior vice president at CGI Federal, which earned the no-bid contract to build the $678 million Obamacare enrollment website at Healthcare.gov. CGI Federal is the U.S. arm of a Canadian company.

Townes-Whitley and her Princeton classmate Michelle Obama are both members of the Association of Black Princeton Alumni.

Toni Townes ’85 is a onetime policy analyst with the General Accounting Office and previously served in the Peace Corps in Gabon, West Africa. Her decision to return to work, as an African-American woman, after six years of raising kids was applauded by a Princeton alumni publication in 1998

George Schindler, the president for U.S. and Canada of the Canadian-based CGI Group, CGI Federal’s parent company, became an Obama 2012 campaign donor after his company gained the Obamacare website contract.

As reported by the Washington Examiner in early October, the Department of Health and Human Services reviewed only CGI’s bid for the Obamacare account. CGI was one of 16 companies qualified under the Bush administration to provide certain tech services to the federal government. A senior vice president for the company testified this week before The House Committee on Energy and Commerce that four companies submitted bids, but did not name those companies or explain why only CGI’s bid was considered.

On the government end, construction of the disastrous Healthcare.gov website was overseen by the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services (CMS), a division of longtime failed website-builder Kathleen Sebelius’ Department of Health and Human Services.

Update: The Daily Caller repeatedly contacted CGI Federal for comment. After publication of this article, the company responded that there would be “nothing coming out of CGI for the record or otherwise today.” The company did however insist that The Daily Caller include a reference to vice president Cheryl Campbell’s House testimony. This has been included as a courtesy to the company

Well now…doesn’t that just chap your ass!  Something as important, that has the potential to affect every single person in the country, is the kind of responsibility to give to your wife’s girlfriend?  Really?  That’s the proper path to take for the good of the country that you swore to do the very best you could for?  Mr. Obama, you can honestly look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you are doing and have done the very best you could for this country YOU PROMISED to work for?  If you can, than you are an idiot and should dismiss yourself from office this minute!  If you can’t, then you are an idiot and a thief, a swindler, have no integrity and should not only be kicked out of office, but should spend the rest of your life in jail!

I have some late breaking news!  Seems the Obamacare website is finally up and running!  Check it out right here: