Good morning my friends!

Well, we’ve had some volunteers to help fill out our weather from across the country.  We’ve gotten everything from just a couple word answers to some pretty interesting sends.  So, here, for out first group issue is our inputs:

North: Still waiting for someone to volunteer

Northeast: Still waiting for someone to volunteer

East: Wheats, from McConnells, SC says: Our hi temp on Friday was 70 with a low of 61. Got a little bit of rain, but mostly a nice day.

Southeast: Dad in Bonita Springs, FL was very concerned about the excessive cold to hit his area.  It got all the way down to 68 degrees and only made it up to 84.  If it was a little warmer out it would have been a great day for golf.  Clear skies and a light wind.  Dad, this one is for you:

South: Lethal Leprechaun himself has the southern report from Houston Texas.  Houston was a bit cooler than you’d think for being so far south.  67 for the high and 46 for the low doesn’t sound like south Texas weather to me.  But, it looks like he had no rain and basically, a nice day.

Southwest: Jack Daniels from Yuma, AZ has this to say:overnight low 58 degrees, projected high 84, NW wind, 4-5 mph, mostly cloudy. Not bad Jack, looks like you’ve got the high temp for the day.

West: Still waiting for someone to volunteer

Northwest: comes to us from Tom in Turner, OR.  Here’s what he had to say, complete with pictures!!  Good morning from the Pacific Northwest. After a week of heavy rain and high winds we’re going to have a weekend break. Of course the rain will return Monday to start the new work week. Here in the Willamette Valley we’ve had a little over three and a half inches of rain in the last week. Add that to the recent snow melt and the ground gets very soft. Then when the wind blows, this happens;

 

Central: And finally, the central comes from yours truly, everyone’s favorite mythical creature…I know, there are you Leprechaun fans out there, but let’s just let that go for now, shall we?…Impish Dragon!  Our high was supposed to be near 50 today, but only reached 36 and our low was right down there at 29.  Which I thinks gives us the unwanted distinction of having the coldest day.  It rained, it snowed, it sleeted, the wind blew with gusts over 50 mph and overall it was a crappy day!  We’ve had rain over the last couple of days and now our rivers, streams and creeks are past flood stage and way over the banks due to the melting snow (oh, which is now ice, by the way) and the 3 inches of rain we’ve gotten.  You know what they say about the weather in Indiana?  If you don’t like the weather, just wait a couple of minutes.

So, you saw where we are still looking for volunteers (North, Northeast and West).  We are also looking for guest commentators from the rest of the world (I know you’re out there) and anyone else who might have a picture or such to contribute. Like this beautiful picture from Garrett in NW Oregon:Thanks buddy!  Now, what do you say we all get a laugh on!

This is bloody brilliant!!!!  You will not believe how intelligent this bird is!

A Great Idea For Keeping Your Kids Safe>>>

There’s no worse feeling in the world than losing track of your child in a crowd. You’re helpless until you spot that sweet face looking for you.

Don’t let your child get lost without providing a way for him or her to be found. Tottoos can create a temporary identification “tattoo” for your little one. If your child becomes lost, the finder can call a phone number on the temporary tattoo so you can find each other again.

These are great for vacations, amusement parks, family outings, sports events and anywhere you child can wander off without you. Tottoos are also available for kids with medical and special needs.

A basic kit of 15 custom Tottoos with 2 personalized lines runs $13.

The mother-in-law arrives home from the shops to find her son-in-law Paddy in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase.

 “What happened Paddy?” she asks anxiously. “What happened!!

 I’ll tell you what happened. I sent an email to me wife telling her I was coming home today from my fishing trip. I get home… and guess what I found: Yes, your daughter, my wife Jean, naked with Joe Murphy in our marital bed!

 This is unforgivable, the end of our marriage. I’m done. I am leaving forever!”

 “Ah now, calm down, calm down Paddy!” says his mother-in-law. “There is I something very odd going on here. Jean would never do such a thing! There must be a simple explanation. I’ll go speak to her immediately and find out what happened.” 

 Moments later, the mother-in-law comes back with a big smile… “Paddy, I told you there must be a simple explanation…..

 

. . . she never got your email!”

Being the bigger mythological creature, you’ll notice I did not take the obvious route of substituting Lethal Leprechaun for Paddy in the above joke.  I have to tell  you, as often as I’ve been getting run over by buses lately, it was sorely tempting.  Then I thought, gee…who’s it really picking on?  And the thought of pissing Molly off scares me to death!
LOL!  Hi ya Molls!

We need to classify this next video under the category of “It ain’t fair!”  This little chickadee is SO cute and adorable!  A definite Olympics contender say in 2022 or 2026.  What’s the “ain’t fair” part you ask?  Granted, I have a bum knee and all, but this little girl can do more on the ice, than I can do on solid ground with my best sneakers on!  Ah, you’ll see:

And another great video.  I don’t have a fear of heights, but watching this gave me butterflies in my stomach!  Climbing The Shanghai Tower (650 meters or 2,132.5 feet) the second tallest building in the world and it’s still under construction.  These two Russian kids hopped a fence and scaled this building going all the way out …. well, you’ll see.

Spain may have the running of the bulls, but this stampede of cuteness cannot be out-done!

And what a perfect segue into our next section.  This little bunny has the heart of a hero!

Hey!  What do you say we do another group of our favorite child…

Older Employee Notice!

 

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown inthe economy, and the mass export of US jobs to Asia and the developing countries, Congress has decided to implement a scheme to put workers age 50 and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.

 

This scheme will be known as RAPE(Retire Aged People Early).

 

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to Congress to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced  Termination).

 

Persons who have been RAPEDand SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).

A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Congress deems appropriate.

Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED anyfurther by Congress.

PS – Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, the Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.

Here is a great 13 question science test.  It’s quick and fun and you get to compare yourself to others who take the test.  See if you can beat the dragon.  I got 12 out of 13 correct.  The one I missed?  It could have gone either way.  I actually had the correct answer marked and then changed my mind.  And they always say, go with your first response.  Oh well.  I had fun all the same.

Here’s the link: http://www.pewresearch.org/quiz/science-knowledge/ 

It wouldn’t be a Dragon Laffs issue if we didn’t include my favorite section…

No shit!  And that’s got to be bad whiskey.  Good whiskey doesn’t do that shit to you!

An Arab was seated next to our dear Lethal Leprechaun on a flight from London.  After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken.  Lethal asked for a good Irish whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the Arab if he would like a drink.
He replied in disgust, “I’d rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips.”
Lethal Leprechaun then solemnly handed his drink back to the attendant and said, “Me, too, I didn’t know we had a choice.”

I’MMM BAAACCCKKK!

That’s right boys & girls the new Lethal’s Lap Top is perched atop its new cooling stand, tied into all my peripherals and about 75% of what I need has been removed from my old lap top’s hard drive now and installed on my new one.

OK technically it’s not exactly new new, its about 3 or 4 months old, I was unable to find a 17” machine running Windows 7 for what I deemed to be a reasonable price and from a reputable manufacturer. I knew I didn’t want Windows 8.1 based on my experiences working on/with other people’s machines.

As it turned out Molly who had recently gotten a new machine and whom I had talked into a 17” one at the time decided it was too big and too heavy for her lap but that she was not as adverse to Windows 8.1 as I was. So it wound up that Molly got a new 15” Lenovo and I got her nearly new 17” Dell.

So, wadda ya say we take this puppy out for a spin and see what it can do huh? Temperature has moderated quite a bit around in the last 5 days and I could use the fresh air.

 

 

An old man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the movie theatre.
When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the old man, “Sorry sir, but you’re only allowed one seat.”
The old man didn’t budge.
The usher became more impatient.  “Sir, if you don’t get up from there I’m going to have to call the manager.”
Once again, the old man just muttered and did nothing.  The usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the old disheveled man, but with no success. 
Finally they summoned the police.
The officer surveyed the situation briefly then asked, “All right buddy what’s your name?”
“Fred,” the old man moaned.
“Where ya from, Fred?” asked the police officer.
With a terrible grunt in his voice, and without moving, Fred replied “The balcony.” 

 

YOU’VE BEEN EATING CHICKEN WINGS WRONG YOUR WHOLE LIFE

Ok, I’ve got a confession- I have a secret guilty pleasure (besides getting in ahead of Impish on most of his ‘virgins’). I love to watch some of those crazy Russian YouTube channels.

A lot of their antic are as good as the Keystone Cops, Laurel & Hardy, Abbot & Costello, Hope & Crosby, Gleason & Carney, Desi & Lucy or Martin & Lewis plus you get those funny Russian accents and their misunderstood usage of American Idioms. They are the Russian equivalent of a Redneck sayin’ ‘Ya’ll hold muh beer and watch dis”.

Occasionally however you actually get to see something innovative and useful. Case in point recently there was were several that make the rounds on how to open food tins w/o any sort of proper opening tool. Case in point with this next video. I saw this mentioned someplace and went looking out of curiosity:

How do you eat your chicken wings? If you just bite into them, you end up wasting a ton of meat and probably getting buffalo sauce all over your face. There’s a simple, ingenious method to getting all that delicious meat without any mess. If you haven’t been using it, you’ve been missing out!

 

After I saw it  I knew I had to try it for myself. Well Over the weekend we had wings. While not Buffalo hot wings (we actually had Parmesan Herb & Garlic due to stomach issues around here of late) they were still cut the same. I can confirm that I used to eat mine the ‘old way’ (a bet I didn’t leave near what the Russian does on mine) prior to watching  the video and then trying their way. From now one I’ll be eating mine their way. I does take a few wings to get the hang of but once you learn how to do it and try it you’ll never go back to the old way.

Don’t even get me started on the USPS who took $31 from my sister in CT to ship me a blanket and made me go to the Post Office to get it because the package was going to take up too much room in their delivery vehicle! Did I mention I live less than a mile from the Post Office or that their definition of delivering packages is to dump them in the hardly ever open when we get here Complex Office?

Two Meanings for One Word

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.

Female…… Any part under a car’s hood.
Male….. The strap fastener on a woman’s bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.

Female…. Fully opening up one’s self emotionally to another.
Male….. Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n

Female… The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one’s partner.
Male… Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko- mit-ment) n.

Female….. A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male…… Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.

Female…. A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male…… Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.

Female…. An embarrassing by-product of indigestion.
Male…… A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.

Female…… The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male….. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.

Female…. A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male… A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

‘Waltons’ & ‘NCIS’ actor Ralph Waite dies at age 85

By Topher Gauk-Roger and Greg Botelho, CNN February 14, 2014 — Updated 1245 GMT (2045 HKT)

(CNN) — Veteran character actor Ralph Waite — who many knew best from his time on “The Waltons,” though he also had regular roles in more recent series like “Bones” and “NCIS” — has died.

He was 85.

Waite died on Thursday afternoon at his Palm Desert, California, home, according to Steve Gordon, his family accountant. Jane Mead, a representative of the Spirit of the Desert Presbyterian Fellowship that Waite attended regularly, confirmed his death.

According to IMDB.com, Waite was already a Hollywood veteran with parts in movies like “Cool Hand Luke” and “Five Easy Pieces,” plus TV series such as “Bonanza” when he landed the role of John Walton Sr.

“The Waltons” struck a chord with many viewers during its run from 1972 to 1981, with Waite being a constant on that show as well as in several TV movies to follow.

Waite was twice nominated for an Emmy, first in 1977 for supporting actor in a comedy or drama series for “Roots” and the next year as lead actor in a drama for his Waltons’ role.

Waite also tried his hand at politics, running unsuccessfully as a Democrat for a U.S. representative seat that includes Palm Springs — narrowly losing in 1990 and again in 1998 to Mary Bono, the widow of former congressman and “Sonny and Cher” star Sonny Bono.

These forays didn’t stop Waite from continuing his day job, however.

He continued to score regular roles, for instance, on TV shows like “The Mississippi,” “Murder One,” “Carnivale,” “The Practice” and “Grey’s Anatomy.”

In fact, Waite was busy working right through last year playing recurring characters on not only “Bones” and “NCIS” but also “Days of Our Lives.”

Stephan Nathan, “Bones” executive producer, remembered Waites as “a wonderful man.”

“A big loss,” Nathan tweeted. “RIP.”

Pauley Perrette, part of the “NCIS” cast, also tweeted condolences for the man she referred to as Papa Gibbs.

“We love him at NCIS SO much,” Perrette said. “So so sad.”

Hey! Don’t blame me for the litany of obits! Its really honestly and actually all Impish’s fault!

See, every time I mentioned one of these celebrities passing Impish responds with “gee that’s too bad, I wonder who’s next?” or “you know these things come in threes right?” Within a day or two of his comment[s] BAM! Another one bites the dust.

Who knew Death had bat wings, blue scales and a cigar habit?!

 

 

In case I haven’t made it clear before now Impish when he’s under the weather or in pain can be a bit of an annoyance patience trying to have about (not to mention downright cranky and depressing).

Most people don’t know that his recent prolonged recuperation at home from his second knee surgery he got on Mrs. Dragons nerves so badly that most of their exchanges could have passed for new episodes of the 1990’s Roseanne show.

Here are a few examples of what I mean:

Impish said… I don’t know why you wear a bra; you’ve got nothing to put in it.
Mrs. Dragon said… You wear pants don’t you?

Impish said… Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
Mrs. Dragon said… That’s a good idea – you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!

Impish said… What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
Mrs. Dragon said… Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

Impish said… Why are married women heavier than single women?
Mrs. Dragon said… Single women come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what’s in bed and go to the fridge.

Even with all that snow seems Impish isn’t safe from that marauding bus driving homicidal maniac! At least that snow bank cushioned his fall! You think by now he’d have gotten the message:

An Age Old Philosophical Question Finally Laid to Rest

If you remember last weeks Parting Shot I took a tongue in cheek look forward to predict what shape the nation would be in in 2059 if we didn’t do something fast about the track it is on. One of the predictions in the list was:

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2060.

A couple private comments I got mentioned suggested this was‘excessively dramatic’, ‘overly sarcastic’ and ‘blowing things all out of proportion for the sake of sensationalism’.

I confess I was at a loss on exactly how to defend this position, largely because it’s one of those things where either you can see the hand writing on the wall plain as day and it shakes you to the core of your Second Amendment loving soul or no amount of intelligent discussion can convince you that the only way we can preserve our form of government and insure we keep the freedoms it promises us is to continue to possess the resources to be a threat to it should it decide to take a more tyrannical approach to governing as so many governments  through out the course of history have.

Then I found this article which made me recall and reflect on my experience in coming to Texas from another state and just how lucky I was in my situation.

Knife Right’s ‘Knife Owners Protection Act’ Introduced in Congress, Crucial Knife Owner Protections

Published on Thursday, November 14, 2013

Washington, DC:-(Ammoland.com)- Knife Rights’ Knife Owners’ Protection Act, H.R.3478 (KOPA), was introduced in the U.S. House of Representatives today by sponsor Rep. Matt Salmon (R-AZ).

Knife Rights Chairman Doug Ritter explained, “KOPA will protect law-abiding knife owners travelling throughout the U.S. from the vagaries of restrictive state and local laws.

As long as possession of the particular knife is legal in the state where the journey starts and ends, and provided the knife is secured in accordance with KOPA, a knife owner would no longer be threatened with arrest simply for traveling from one place to another.”

KOPA is the first proactive pro-knife federal legislation introduced in the nation’s history.

Additional co-sponsors are: Rep. Kerry Bentivolio (R-MI), Rep. Scott DesJarlais (R-TN), Rep. Jeff Duncan (R-SC), Rep. Trent Franks (R-AZ), Rep. Paul Gosar (R-AZ), Rep. Thomas Massie (R-KY), Rep. David Schweikert (R-AZ), and Rep. Steve Stockman (R-TX)

“Those who travel across the country with knives for work, recreation and self defense are presently subject to arrest and prosecution under a confusing patchwork of inconsistent state and local laws and regulations, said Ritter, “what is perfectly legal in one place may be a serious crime in another, resulting in forfeiture of property and carrying significant penalties including jail time. Enforcement is not uniform even within jurisdictions and is subject to the vagaries of political expediency at times. Sportsmen and workmen who travel are particularly vulnerable.”

“The culmination of almost three years of effort, Knife Rights developed the Knife Owners’ Protection Act to address this absurd situation in a commonsense manner that is fair and equitable and is based on established legislative and legal precedent,” Ritter noted, “we’ve fought hard to defend the right to carry a knife in the individual states, cities and towns, but KOPA represents a key initiative to protect law-abiding knife owners simply passing through areas like New York City where possessing the most commonly owned pocket knife in America today, the one-hand opening folding knife, may result in arrest and prosecution.”

Sponsor Rep. Matt Salmon (AZ-05) said, “This legislation is long overdue. The Knife Owners’ Protection Act is a responsible and reasonable means of ensuring that knife owners throughout America can travel with assurance that their rights will be protected with equal respect for states with overly restrictive knife laws.”

The current situation with knives is similar to the circumstances with guns that existed prior to the passage of the Firearms Owner Protection Act (FOPA -18 USC 926A) in 1986, when Congress acted to protect law-abiding gun owners from a similar inconsistent patchwork of laws by insulating their travels if firearms possession was lawful at both the origination and destination points of travel.

Ritter noted “unfortunately, FOPA provides no protections whatsoever to knife owners, so they are completely unprotected from the same perils. It is entirely likely that a sportsman travelling with both firearms and knives who follows FOPA’s requirements to the letter and also locks up his knives in an abundance of caution, could be insulated against prosecution for firearms possession, yet be arrested and prosecuted for knife possession. That is a ridiculous situation. KOPA simply aims to protect knife owners in the same manner as KOPA protects firearm owners.”

KOPA has teeth to defend those who travel under its protection because it also provides penalties for law enforcement, prosecutors and others who ignore the protections provided. Similar to the protections and penalties generally provided in USC 1983 to those whose civil rights are violated, a falsely arrested citizen can be compensated for the expense of defending themselves from an unwarranted violation of the rights Congress has protected in KOPA.

Ritter closed by saying, “Knife Rights continues to lead the way with aggressive proactive legislative action to defend and protect knife owners’ rights. KOPA is just another example of our groundbreaking efforts to create a Sharper Future for all Americans.”

Read H.R3478 at: http://bit.ly/19njvUw

A FAQ on KOPA with additional details and background can be found at: http://bit.ly/1arZIa0

TAKE ACTION!

Getting this bill introduced is only the first step. We need your help to gain additional co-sponsors. If your Representative is not already a co-sponsor, please call or email your Representative and urge them to co-sponsor this commonsense legislation. You can find your Representative at: http://www.house.gov/representatives/find/

Or, you can use the Open Congress website at: http://www.opencongress.org/bill/hr3478-113

Here’s a model email that you can use. We strongly suggest you keep it simple and to the point:

I support H.R.3478, the Knife Owners’ Protection Act of 2013. I urge you to become a co-sponsor of this commonsense legislation that will protect my rights and the rights of all knife owners to travel throughout the U.S. without fear of prosecution under the myriad of state and local knife laws.

ABOUT KNIFE RIGHTS

Knife Rights (www.KnifeRights.org) is America’s grassroots knife owners organization, aggressively fighting for a Sharper Future™ for all knife owners. Knife Rights is dedicated to providing knife owners an effective voice to influence public policy. In the past four years, Knife Rights has passed pro-knife legislation in 11 states and prevented anti-knife legislation in four states. Knife Rights is also the lead plaintiff in a federal civil rights lawsuit against New York City.

For more information contact:

Doug Ritter Chairman 602-292-0997 dritter@KnifeRights.org  Todd Rathner Director of Legislative Affairs 520-404-8096 trathner@KnifeRights.org 

Download a copy of the text of H.R3478 at:  http://www.kniferights.org/KOPA_HR3478_text.pdf (Note please that the Government Printing Office takes a few days to issue the actual bill. It will be posted as soon as available)

Knife Owners Protection Act FAQs.pdf

Under Creative Commons License: Attribution

Now I realize there are a myriad of sub-issues we could discuss in relationship to this that jump right out. Issues that under  different circumstances I might be the one screaming my head off about, such as the usurpation of another one one of our state’s rights by an ever increasingly oppressive and intrusive Big-Brother-knows-what’s-best- for-you mentality Federal Government.

The thing is that in this particular instance the Federal Government is doing exactly what it was designed and envisioned to do, namely resolve disputes between states through the creation of Federal guidelines and regulations that all states are obliged to follow. It is exactly this sort of Federal Law making which gives you the ability to travel state to state, coast to coast & border to border without needing a separate driver’s license and vehicle registration for each separate state. It allows a business incorporated in one state to do business in another, it allows interstate transportation of goods as well as interstate commerce to happen smoothly and uniformly.

It does this by clarifying and standardizing definitions, criteria and other points used to determine what is and is not legal activity to protect us from committing a crime by (in this particular case) take that which is entirely legal in one state and simply crossing the border into another state.

PERSONAL CASE IN POINT:

Those of you who watch/follow the television show NCIS will understand when I say I have been a firm believer in Gibb’s Rule # 9 from long before he ever uttered it. For those of you who do not watch (and you should start) Rule #9 states “Never leave home without/Always carry a knife.”

The only time I am without at least one knife on my person is flying or when I am in a Government building where such things are not permitted. While I may or may not be carrying a side arm at any given time and am from the moment I dress in the morning until I hit my rack always carrying at least one knife on me.

 

Above is a  knife known as a Gerber Mark 1. It is what commonly typed a double edged blade and sometimes due to the attachment clip on the back of the sheath known as a boot knife as the spring clip can hold it securely in the top of an 8 boot such as police & the military might wear. At a fixed blade of 5 inches in length this was legal in Connecticut for me to carry in my boot as it was covered by my Concealed Weapons Permit (CWP).

Above is a  knife known as a Gerber Mark II. It is what commonly typed a dual edged double edged blade. It has a 6.6 inch fixed blade. This knife in CT required you to carry it on your belt openly and trust me you carried it in the city you were going to be stopped by some decidedly less than cordial officers and asked exactly what in the hell you were outfitted for. Strangely there was wide spread disagreement as to this size of blade being permissible under the Connecticut CWP.

I knew that under New York State law having either was a crime as under their definition of ‘blade length’ (cutting edge) the Mark 1 was a 10” blade and the Mark II was a 13” as they measured both side and totaled them up. They were not covered according to New York under their Concealed Handgun Permit. The only permissible way to own one was if your Mark II had the Chisel/screwdriver/pry point to it which was made specifically for divers and came with a special leg sheath. Even then you’d better be w/in 100 feet of the water and attired in diving gear if found with one on you.

Anyway I think you start to see my point. Shortly after I moved here Molly took me to meet & get to know her family at their deer camp which they were doing some work on prior to the opening of the season. When we were getting ready to head out and do some maintenance/rattle snake evicting from a few blinds In addition to a revolver loaded with snake shot and a shotgun I was placing the Mark 1 in my right boot and attaching the Mark II to the rear of my belt where I was accustomed to carrying it. That when a friend of Molly’s father spotted them and asked if I knew they were illegal to even possess much less carry in Texas as under Texas laws those were defined as daggers.

I was shocked given Texas’ gun laws and culture that there were apparently stricter laws on carrying knives than there were on openly carrying firearms. I was informed that technically possession was considered a crime if law enforcement were to search our vehicle or house and find them. I was suspicious of the  entire affair since Molly’s Father, Brother and Uncle (who had all been openly admiring the knives) expressed surprise at this. I figured what was to come next was the old “you’d better give them to me and I’ll dispose of them for you’ scenario,  I’d be out 2 serious mementos of my military career… expensive ones at that and he’d wind up with 2 new knives since I figured like so many other laws regarding weapons this alleged law had a ‘doesn’t apply to police or military personnel’ clause.

Instead he went to his car produced his copy of the Texas Statues and showed us the law. He then made the suggestion that the following day we go into the town that was near by find the Post Office or a UPS store and I ship the knives home. While this was on face value a generous offer, I was still feeling a lot of culture shock every time I did something and was too often the brunt of jokes/pranks played on the ‘dumb Yankee boy’ by an endless band of Bubbas who thought it was their duty to play one because probably no other stupid Redneck had thought of it. When I semi politely suggested that such thoughts regarding such possibilities were running through my head he nodded understanding then displayed his badge for me. It read ‘Texas Ranger’.

We were sitting in front of the UPS Store drinking coffee which I bought the following morning waiting for it to open where I was just as respectful well mannered and polite as my Marine training would allow for. See the Rangers have this motto which they believe in with the same levels of ferventness and reverence as Marines believe in ‘Semper Fidelis’. That motto is “One Riot- One Ranger” and personally I wasn’t interested then or now in putting that motto to the test.

The point is had things gone down differently I could have been looking at some serious legal troubles, including the likelihood of the revocation of my Texas Concealed Weapon Carry Permit and probable jail time all because I didn’t know the knife laws were vastly different here. Remember according to the law, ignorance of the law isn’t a defense.

NOW does the import of this legislation and my support of it begin to make sense? We need to not only encourage this legislation we need to direct its crafting so that it is not only practical but based in common sense before some bungling career bureaucratic baboon applies ‘Feinsteinian Logic’ to this and screws it up as bad as the Assault Weapons bill was. What you ask is ‘Feinsteinian Logic’? Let me explain like this:

THAT is ‘Feinsteinian Logic’ (a.k.a. Liberal Loonies Lunacy).  Granted there are those knives, like the one in the Parting Shot header above whose sole useful purpose it would seem is to inflict severe bodily harm (I suspect that it is some new form of bayonet or extreme survival tool) that likely should be restricted in some manner, but what we don’t need is some idiot liberal trying to ban knives because they look scary, a similar knife was used in a bloody & gore slasher film or in a gruesome act of violence.

Use the links above help make Congress craft a helpful useful common sense law in spite of themselves. Now if you’ll excuse me I have some knives that need sharpening.

Wow and what a week it’s been!  Good morning my friends!  I hope you all have been well since the last time we spoke.  Some of you who live in the east are in the process of being buried under your own snowpocalypse, while those of you who’ve been getting snow in the Midwest are in for a warm up later on in the week.  The whole world is a mess!  Democrats and republicans getting along, dogs and cats sleeping together, WHAT IS GOING ON???!!!

Okay, I’m sorry.  I’m back.  Anyway, the weather is changing on us all … again.  Lethal in Houston says that he’s getting close to 70° while Wheats in South Carolina had a snow day from work yesterday!  And us in Indiana?  It got all the way up to 20° yesterday and we don’t expect much more for today.

Crazy, right? 

How would you guys like to do a nationwide comparison…just for the sake of science? Okay, okay, so just for the sake of screwing around, lol. We would need a total of 9 people….maybe.  Let’s figure it out.

What we have:
South – Leprechaun in Texas
East – Wheats in South Carolina
Southeast – Dad in Florida
Central – Impish Dragon

What we need:
North – Minnesota maybe?
West – Someone around Colorado?
Northeast – Someone around New York or further north?
Northwest – Someone in Washington, Oregon or Far Northern California?
Southwest – Someone in Southern California or maybe western Arizona?

We could get a weather report and maybe a picture once a week from people and include it in the next Dragon Laffs.  Maybe work our way up to a guest section on “What I want to share this week” or “What happened to me” or “You ain’t gonna believe the shit that’s going on around here…”

Just thinking out loud here  folks.  Why don’t you tell me what you think.  Write to me and let me know.  If you want to be my representative in a particular area, want to send me something, ask me a question or want to rant to me personally, use this email: impishdragon@yahoo.com .

And now, let’s get on with the show!!!

A lot of our friends out there ask the Leprechaun and I what we do to make our days more interesting.

Well, for example, the other day, Lethal and I were on one of our numerous missions tours, stopped in a town and visited a shop.   When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.

We went up to him and I said,  ‘Come on, man, how about giving a mythical citizen a break?’

He ignored us and continued writing the ticket…

I called him an “asshole”.

He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn-out tires.

So Lethal called him a “jack-booted, jack-wad with his head so far up his ass, he couldn’t see a heroic mythical creature if he was standing in front of him”.

He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.

I called him an “asshole”. Then he started writing more tickets.  This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Just then our armored transport arrived, and we got on it and left.

We always look for cars with “OBAMA” stickers. and try to have a little fun each day.

It’s important for our health.

Okay, so tell me Wheats, is this how it is???

“I love it when lunch is delivered.”

Rules That Guys Wished Women Knew….

1. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Do not ask us.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat; if it’s up put it down.
3. Do not cut your hair. Ever.
4. Sometimes, he is not thinking about you. Live with it.
5. Get rid of your cat.
6. Sunday = Sports.
7. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
8. You have enough clothes.
9. You have too many shoes.
10. Crying is blackmail.
11. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work.
12. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
13. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We are bound to miss sometimes.
14. Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers.
15. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
16. Do not fake it. We would rather be ineffective than deceived.
17. Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
18. If you do not dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, do not expect us to act like soap opera guys.
19. If something we said could be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
20. Let us ogle.
21. If we do not look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
22. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done, not both.
23. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
24. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their breasts stared at.

At Frederick’s of Hollywood a husband wants to buy his wife the sheerest lingerie he can find.

“This is $200,” says the saleswoman, showing him an item.

“I want one that’s more sheer,” says he.

“This one is $350.”

“Sheerer than that.”

“This is the sheerest we have.  It’s $500.”

“I’ll take it!” he replies.

The man goes home to his wife and shows it to her, saying, “Go put this on and come down to model it for me.”

She goes upstairs, opens the box and thinks, “This thing is so see-through that the old coot won’t even notice if I’m wearing it or not.  I can take it back for a refund and he won’t know the difference.”  So she comes out wearing nothing at all and strikes a pose at the top of the stairs.  “So, how do you like it?” she asks.

He looks at her a moment and says, “Well, you’d think for $500 they’d iron the thing.”

Dragon Saying’s:

“Don’t get all weird about getting older.  Our age is nothing more than the number of years the world has been enjoying us.”

”The world would be a better place if people took a chill-pill.  It would be an even better place if some of them choked on it.”

”My doctor told me to start killing people.  Well, not in those exact words, he said I needed to reduce the stress in my life, but it’s the same thing, really.”

”I read recipes the same way I read science fiction.  I get to the end and I think, well that’s not gonna happen.”

”I’ve been living my life backwards.  I wake up in the morning tired.  And I go to bed at night wide awake.”

It’s time to get POLITICAL…but in a good and funny way!:

This one is one of my all time favorites, lol!

My question is, and always has been, “why aren’t we more upset about any of this?” Who in the hell decided that we should be making millionaires out of Congressmen?  I haven’t known very many millionaires, but it seems to me that there isn’t a one of them who are really in touch with what the “common” working class people go through.  It’s time we revamp the pay system for our politicians until they figure out that it is a privilege that they serve at OUR pleasure and not a moment longer.  Maybe the best way to do it is for them to rely on their constituents largesse for their livelihood.  Do a crappy job and piss us off and don’t represent your people the way you are supposed to and you don’t get paid this month.  Hmm, the dragon may have something there…

Ain’t that the truth!!  For more about Welfare Recipients and baby making industries being paid  for by your tax dollars, see my Last Word today… that would be, um… at the end.  Yeah, down at the bottom. 

Okay, so did we all get a good laugh or a good cry out of those politically motivated cartoons?  Both?  Okay, both is okay, I guess.  The important part is that hopefully, at least some of them made you think a little bit.  Think about what’s truly going on in our world and our country.  Lethal and I know that some of our friends out there aren’t from our country, but I hope even you guys realize that what happens here in the United States has some influence on what happens to you in your country.  Even if it’s only to the extent that what happens here makes the whole world a little bit scarier place to live then it was before. 

Okay, now on with the show.

 

I shot my first turkey yesterday!
Scared everyone in the frozen food section to death!
It was awesome!
Gettin’ old is so much damn fun…

Okay, ladies and gentlemen, grab a seat, grab a seat.  Welcome to the fifth annual Presidential Lies competition.  We have a great line up of lies and liars for you today, so if you’d all just take your seats and quiet down, we’ll get started.

I know you all want to cheer on your favorites, but if we don’t settle down we won’t be able to … security!  Please escort the Nixon people off the floor.  If they can’t maintain even the slightest bit of decorum, then they can continue to watch by the closed-circuit TV out on the front lawn.

Okay, let’s begin…our first entry is from our dear LBJ…
”We were attacked (in the Gulf of Tonkin)”
Nice!  Start out with a classic, everyone remembers that line…no?  Okay, well, moving on to a crowd favorite Richard Nixon…
”I am not a crook.”
Oh yes!  And he goes with a classic line!  Straight and to the point, using his most favorite lie of all time.  How about that folks?  Security, please move Nixon’s people outside and contact maintenance to fix that balcony they just pulled down.  Thank you.
Moving on to the great GHW Bush…
”Read my lips – No New Taxes.”
Yes, everyone remembers that wonderful lie, but for a truly memorial lie, our next contestant William Clinton…
”I did not have sex with that woman…Miss Lewinski.”
OUCH!  Yeah, that one hurt bad…and still is hurting Hellary…or … um … I mean Hillary.  Yikes, Impish Dragon better watch his backside!  So, moving on to the next lie, which goes to GW Bush…
“Iraq has weapons of mass destruction.”
Everyone remembers … oh wait … I’m being contacted by the judges … OH!  They are throwing the WMD statement out under the ruling that it has since been proven that that is NOT a lie!  They are citing the 2013 chemical attack by the Syrian government on the rebels where the chemical weapons actually originated in Iraq and were moved to Syria so they couldn’t be found by the troops on the ground.  Geez!  I’m sorry to all of you who had that marked on your ballots as a favorite, but the judges rulings are final.
Moving on to today’s favorite: Barry Obama…
”I will have the most transparent administration in history.”
”The stimulus will fund shovel-ready jobs.”
”I am focused like a laser on creating jobs.”
”The IRS is not targeting anyone.”
”It was a spontaneous riot about a movie.”
”If I had a son.”
”I will put an end to the type of politics that ‘breeds division, conflict and cynicism’.”
”You didn’t build that!”
”I will restore trust in Government.”
”The Cambridge cops acted stupidly.”
”The public will have 5 days to look at every bill that lands on my desk.”
”It’s not my red line – it is the world’s red line.”
”Whistle blowers will be protected in my administration.”
”We got back every dime we used to rescue the banks and auto companies, with interest.”
”I am not spying on American citizens.”
”Obama Care will be good for America.”
”You will keep your family doctor.”
”Premiums will be lowered by $2500.”
”If you like it, you can keep your current health care plan.”
”It’s like shopping at Amazon.”
”I knew nothing about ‘Fast and Furious’ gunrunning to Mexican drug cartels.”
”I knew nothing about the IRS targeting conservative groups.”
”I knew nothing about what happened in Benghazi.”
”I have never known my uncle from Kenya who is in the country illegally and that was arrested and told to leave the country over 20 years ago.”
”And, I have never lived with that uncle.  (He finally admitted [05 Dec 13] that he DID know his uncle and that he DID live with him.)
**And the biggest lie of all…**
”I, Barrack Hussein Obama, pledge to preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States of America.”
Ladies and gentlemen… I believe we have a CLEAR winner in this years liar of the year contest!  Thank you all for your attendance, your participation and your interest.  Now, get your asses home and locked down before they come for you, too!!!

Like going after a fumble!

Again, I’d like to thank Ginny for keeping me fully supplied with these observations.  They are so much fun to go through and read, I just have to share the better ones with our friends…

Shirley Temple has passed away. And millions of younger Americans wonder why her parents named her after a drink.

Former President George H.W. Bush saluted former child star Shirley Temple Black, who died at age 85. To which his son George W. Bush said he had no idea she could act, he thought she just made a really good drink.

North Korea canceled its invite to allow a U.S. envoy to come visit with Kim Jung Un.  There is bruised pride involved. Kim is furious ever since his envoy came back from Mandela’s funeral and reported to him that Dennis Rodman and President Obama are two different people.

Copenhagen Zoo angered animal rights activists Sunday by killing a giraffe and feeding it to lions in the next cage. Customers watched the whole thing. The zoo director won’t be fired because under today’s law, a full-time job is protected under the Endangered Species Act.

CBS News reporter Leslie Stahl editorialized Friday that when Obamacare reduces people to working less than thirty hours a week, it will help to bring families closer together. It’s certainly true. Studio apartments don’t give families any choice but to grow closer together.

President Obama dodged a question about the Senate report saying the Benghazi attack was preventable. The aftermath is still foggy. President Obama now freely admits the Benghazi attack was not caused by an anti-Muslim video, it was caused by Fox News coverage.

Sochi’s Olympic Village was ringed by Russian troops as international jet-setters began socializing on opening night. Guard towers have sniper rifles equipped with facial recognition software. The Sochi Olympics look like a trap that’s designed to capture James Bond.

Pope Francis auctioned his Harley Davidson in Paris and raised a half million dollars for a Rome soup kitchen Friday. Last year he sold his Mercedes Pope-mobile.  Pope Francis now drives around Rome in a Ford Focus, so apparently he takes that vow of celibacy very seriously.

Speaker John Boehner pulled the plug on Immigration Reform, saying President Obama can’t be trusted to seal the U.S. border if agreed. The detainees are piling up.  Thousands of illegal aliens are being detained in Arizona, and all they want is to return home to Los Angeles.

Russian security agents are on the lookout for Chechen Black Widow suicide bombers at the Olympic Games. These women are driven. When female suicide bombers die, they get seventy-two single, caring, sensitive men who will listen to them and remember their birthdays.

Russian security forces announced security measures to ensure public safety at the Sochi Olympic Games. They said they’ll open every letter, scan every Facebook post, read every e-mail and monitor every telephone call in the country. It’s their way of making the Americans feel at home.

Russian speed skater Olga Graf won a bronze in the 3000 meters. Exhausted, hot and excited after her race, she unzipped her suit down to her waist – forgetting she didn’t have anything on underneath. Graf quickly rezipped the suit before she completely flashed the crowd. But have to think ratings may go up for her next race.

Hillary Clinton spoke to Hispanic families at a N.Y. book store Monday. She urged Hispanic parents to read more to their kids to help sharpen their language skills to help them catch up. She then asked Asian parents to ease up on math and give the rest of us a chance to catch up.

It was Saturday morning as Jake, an avid hunter from Dripping Springs, woke up raring to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camo.

Jake asks her, “What are you up to?” Alice smiles and says, “I’m going hunting with you”. Jake, though he had many reservations about this, reluctantly decides to take her along.

Three hours later they arrive at a game preserve just outside of San Marcos, Texas.

Jake sets his lovely wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her, “If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I’ll come running back as soon as I hear the shot.”

Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn’t bag an elephant – much less a deer.

Not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots. Jake starts running back.  As he gets closer to her stand, he hears Alice screaming, “Get the #$%^ away from my deer!”

Confused and frightened, Jake races faster towards his screaming wife. And again he hears her yell, “Get the #$%^ away from my deer!” ,followed by another volley of gunfire!

Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Jake is surprised to see a Texas game warden with his hands high in the air.

The game warden, obviously distraught, yelled, “Okay, lady! You can have your #$%^ deer, just let me get my saddle off it!”

 

Thinking about this and how common this situation must be has really begun to chap my ass.  Lethal sent me the beginnings of this on Thursday and I have chewed on it ever since.

What a shame it is that every couple of years, New Orleans loses one of it’s renowned Entrepreneurs.  So very touching.

Okay, so before we get started, let’s make sure we have our players straight.

LARMONDO “FLAIR” ALLEN

His Companion : Kawanner Armstrong
His Sons : Christian Allen
Kwan Allen
Larmondo Allen, Jr.
His Daughters : Deidra Allen
Larmenshell Allen
Lamonshea Allen
Larmomdriel Allen
Larmerja Allen
Korevell Allen

So, by age 25, our young entrepreneur has 9 children.  Got that?

His Father: Burnell Thompson
His Mother: Esther Allen
His Stepfather: Bruce Gordy
His Brothers: Burnell Thompson
Edgar Thompson
Wil Willis
Danta Edwards
Reshe Edwards
Mattnell Allen
Burnell Allen
Lester Allen
His Sisters: Shannail Craig
Lekiksha Thompson
Gwendolyn Carter
Jessica Willis
Katina Gordy
Grandparents: Delors Allen
J.C. Allen
Anna Laura Thompson
Will Thompson 

Okay, so you have all that straight?  You sure?  Wanna review before we move on?  Okay, so now for the rest of the story…

He was 25 years old, had 3 sons and 6 daughters.  That’s 9 welfare recipients collecting $950 each, which means $8,550 a month!  A MONTH!

Now, add Food Stamps, Free Medical, Free School Lunches, and so on…
Do the math and you get over $102,000 a year!  Anyone out there sitting on their ass while reading this e-zine making a hundred grand a year for doing nothing?  (Well, almost nothing.  You do have to find a bunch of baby mamas to impregnate first.)  Sounds like an entrepreneur to me!

Also, because of their fathers death, all of the kids will collect social security until they are 18! 

Even better!  If “Flair’s” 13 brothers and sisters followed his entrepreneurial strategy, that’s an additional $1.3 million per year!

But, we’re not done yet!  Oh yes, there’s more!!!

What if all 13 brothers and sisters duplicated his feat of 9 welfare strategists that breeds 117 new welfare recipients collecting $100,00 per year for a total of $11.7 million per year!  Eleven Million, Seven Hundred Thousand dollars each and every year!  AND THAT IS ONLY ONE FAMILY!!!!! That one family would take 100% of all the taxes paid by over 1,000 average taxpayers. 

Let’s take a look at some welfare statistics:
Total # of Americans on Welfare—————12,800,000
Total # of Americans of food stamps———–46,700,000
Percent of the US population on welfare——–4.1%
Total government spending on welfare annually—$131.9 billion

Okay, that means that the average annual income from welfare alone is a little more than $10,300 per person.  But, it’s not evenly split.  Each state is a little different.  For instance, in Hawaii, welfare is the equivalent of having an hourly wage of $17.50 per hour (#1) and in Virginia it is $11.11 an hour (#10) all the way down to Mississippi (#51) at $5.53 an hour.

Now for some very interesting statistics: (I’ll wager that it will be VERY surprising for most of us)
Percent of recipients who are white——–38.8%
Percent of recipients who are black——–39.8%
Percent of recipients who are Hispanic—–15.7%
Percent of recipients who are Asians——–2.4%
Percent of recipients who are Other———3.3%

Surprised?  I was.  Preconceived expectations. 

Over 12 million people on welfare…how many of them really should be on welfare?  How many of them would still be on welfare if we required urine testing for drug abuse and surprise random testing thereafter?

I don’t know.  I’ve had as many surprising self-revelations writing this from start to finish as is possible.  I hope this has been revealing for you, as well.

 

 

 Lots going on in the world this week. Winter Olympics in Sochi, or as the Media is styling it Moscow’s Mortification &/or Putin’s Predicament.

Seems a lot of the venues are either weeks if not months away from completion, failing in use, substandard or fail to take into account the customs and expectations of the rest of the world. When traveling abroad its the little things like being able to use the toilet in privacy that are important.

Then we have what is possibly the worst day of the year for males of any age that regular interaction with women. I’m talking of course of Valentine’s Day. Just the thought of the day makes men quiver (internally) in fear. Why? Simple, you screw up meeting their expectations for your public profession of admiration and affection this one day a year and you can forget about getting any (affection or peace out of them) until the next one rolls around!

However as I finish writing this on Tuesday afternoon I am in a great mood that not even the threat thought of Valentine’s Day can interfere with. Why the unusually cheerful upbeat and ebullient mood? I’m glad you asked!

I GOTS A HUGE HAPPY GOING ON!

According to CNN 21 towel-headed would be terrorist tangos in a training camp failed their shot at martyrdom Monday when an incompetent Muslim moron teaching a bomb making class blew himself and them all to Allah & Hell!

OH BLOODY HAPPY DAY!

Let’s get this show on the road before I succumb to the urge to start bloody River dancing about the place and open a hog’s head of me best whiskey for all. After all I’m just feeling overly happy, not excessively generous to the point of insanity!

 

Well after all this time what did you think I was going to say? Chocolate? Roses? Chanel #5?

 

A slave call girl from Sardinia named Gedophamee was attending a great but as yet unnamed athletic festival, 2500 years ago in Greece. In those days, believe it or not, the athletes performed naked.

To prevent unwanted arousal while competing, the men imbibed freely on drink containing saltpeter before and throughout the variety of events.

At the opening ceremonial parade, Gedophamee observed the first wave of naked magnificent males marching toward her and she exclaimed:

“OH! Limp pricks!”

Over the next two and a half millenniums that morphed into

“Olympics”

Just thought I’d share this new found knowledge with you.

You’re very welcome..

 

 

Make mine a bowl please- It’s Hump Day after all!

 

 

Send out the clowns

 America is run by the people for the people–let us not forget.

And make damned sure the Politicians don’t either! – LL

The good news is we’re now one clown down for the 2016 election already!

CNN exclusive: John Kerry a ‘no’ for 2016

(CNN) – While his predecessor Hillary Clinton and his colleague Vice President Joe Biden may be contemplating another White House run, Secretary of State John Kerry says he is out for 2016.

“I’m out of politics. I have no plans whatsoever. This is my last stop,” Kerry said in an exclusive interview with CNN’s “The Lead with Jake Tapper.”

Kerry was the 2004 Democratic presidential nominee, losing to President George W. Bush.

“I’m going to serve the country in the extraordinarily privileged position the president has given me, the great challenges that I have, and move on,” said Kerry.

Well that’s one clown down, too bad this next Crown Prince of Clowns isn’t walking away as easily :

Biden sees ‘no obvious reason’ not to run for president

By The Associated Press Posted: 02/07/14, 9:38 AM EST |

WASHINGTON >> Vice President Joe Biden says he sees “no obvious reason” not to run for president in 2016.

In an interview broadcast Friday on CNN’s “New Day” program Biden says he’ll make a decision by the summer of 2015.

He says his decision to make a third White House bid will be based on whether he thinks he’s the best qualified person to focus — quote — “on the two things I’ve spent my whole life on.”

He says they are “giving ordinary people a fighting chance to make it” and a foreign policy based on what he calls the “rational interests of the United States.”

Former Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton is widely seen as the Democratic front-runner for the White House after President Barack Obama.

1.) Ok ,first off I have to ask if Joe isn’t reading the same Political Commentaries and viewing the same Political Cartoons I am because that is the only way he could legitimately make the statement that he sees “no obvious reason” not to run. It’s either that or he’s outright just too damned dumb to comprehend the prevailing sentient about him, which leads me to my next issue with his running.

2.) Where in the hell are they going to find a VP running mate that isn’t going to outshine Biden and make him look even more like the beat in the head multiple times clueless short tempered bridge troll he is? OH NO! DO NOT EVEN THINK IT! That’s just too horrible to even contemplate! Still, I can see the campaign graphics now…

Still, that might be preferable to the other possible Liberal ticket I hear scuttlebutt about, namely…

 

 

 

Are cats or dogs the better parent ?

Impish Dragon goes into Mythical Vet’s office and says, “Doc, I want my sex drive lowered.”
“Impish”, replied the doctor, “You’re 970. Don’t you think your sex drive is all in your head?”
“You’re damned right it is!” replied Impish. “That’s why I want it lowered!”

 

 

Famed former child actress Shirley Temple dies

By Ben Brumfield, CNN February 11, 2014 — Updated 1529 GMT (2329 HKT)

 

(CNN) — Shirley Temple Black, who rose to fame as arguably the most popular child star in Hollywood history, died late Monday night, her publicist said.

She was 85.

Temple Black, who also enjoyed a long career as a diplomat, died of natural causes at her Woodside, California, home. She was surrounded by family and caregivers, a statement from Cheryl Kagan said.

She began acting at age 3 and became a massive box-office draw before turning 10, commanding a then-unheard of salary of $50,000 per movie.

Her first film of notice was in 1932 when she played in “War Babies,” part of the “Baby Burlesks” series of short films.

For about 18 years, she sang, tap-danced and acted her way into the hearts of millions. Her corkscrew curls were popular with little girls from the 1930s through the 1970s.

Early years

Her star shone brightest as a toddler, and 20th Century Fox cranked out a series of feature films with the adorable, talented little girl. Her hits included “Little Miss Marker” (1934), “Curly Top” (1935) and “The Littlest Rebel” (1935).

At the box office, she beat out the great adult stars of her day, such as Clark Gable and Bing Crosby. Her popularity spawned a large array of merchandizing items, such as dolls, hats and dresses.

She was the top box-office star four years in a row, from 1935 to 1938. Her career was at its peak as the country was suffering the effects of the Great Depression, and her films offered uplifting moments.

But as she got older, the pace of movies slowed, and by 1939, her popularity was fading. She and 20th Century Fox terminated her contract early in 1940, just before she reached her teenage years.

U.S. diplomat

She retired from filmmaking at 22 and married Charles Black, changing her last name from Temple to Temple Black.

But she did not fade from the public eye.

She embarked on a new career as a foreign diplomat: She served in the U.S. delegation to the United Nations from 1969 to 1974 was U.S. ambassador to Ghana from 1974 to 1976, and U.S. ambassador to Czechoslovakia from 1989 to 1992.

“We salute her for a life of remarkable achievements as an actor, as a diplomat, and most importantly as our beloved mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, and adored wife of fifty-five years of the late and much missed Charles Alden Black,” a statement said.

Enduring icon

She remained a cultural icon for decades after stepping down from the silver screen.

In 1958, she made a comeback as an entertainer, this time on television, in an hour-long show, “Shirley Temple’s Storybook.”

She later received two lifetime achievement awards for her performing career.

In 1972, Temple Black successfully battled breast cancer.

Funeral arrangements are pending. A remembrance guest book will be set up online at shirleytemple.com.

 

 

Missed a call? ‘One-ring’ cell phone scam could cost you money

Julianne Pepitone NBC News Feb. 3, 2014 at 12:34 PM ET

 

If you pick up your phone and see a missed call from a number you don’t recognize, you may want to think twice about calling back.

You could be a potential victim of the growing “one-ring phone scam,” which the Better Business Bureau (BBB) warned consumers about last week. As in most phone-based scams, the perpetrators use auto-dialing computer programs to call phones all over the country.

In this case, the scammers let the phone ring once — just enough to cause a missed call message to pop up on victims’ phones — and then hang up. Victims who call the number back are connected to a paid “adult entertainment service” located overseas.

Those unlucky callers are generally charged a $19.95 international call fee up front, plus $9 or more per minute for the unwanted “service.” (In some cases the scammers charge only a few bucks to the victim’s bill to avoid suspicion.)

The BBB said the scam calls usually come from outside the United States, including from numbers with area codes 268, 809, 876, 284 and 473.

The BBB recommended that consumers ignore incoming or missed calls from out-of-state phone numbers that they don’t recognize, and carefully check cell phone bills.

If you’re really tempted to call back that number, at least pop the digits into Google first. Sites like whocalled.us track complaints and questions about calls from specific numbers, while other online directories can tell in which town and state the phone number is registered.

 

 

 

So I figure if Impish can have his gratuitous flying lizard graphics all the time I can occasionally sneak a little culture/ quality entertainment in. This is a very popular Irish song written back in the 1930’s. A lot of people have done it, few well, much less with 600 kids as the percussion section.

 

Notice how the 600 students are clean-cut looking, and obviously well-disciplined to carry  out this routine… very impressive.  WE could learn a few things from the Irish Education System apparently.

You’re Gonna Miss Me (the Cup Song)

 

Since the song was obviously done in Gaelic I thought you might like a translation of the lyrics:

 

[Verse 1:]
I got my ticket for the long way ’round
Two bottle whiskey for the way
And I sure would like some sweet company
And I’m leaving tomorrow, what do you say

[Chorus 1:]
When I’m gone
When I’m gone
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone
You’re gonna miss me by my hair
You’re gonna miss me everywhere, oh
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone

[Verse 2:]
I’ve got my ticket for the long way ’round
The one with the prettiest of views
It’s got mountains, it’s got rivers, it’s got sights to give you shivers
But it sure would be prettier with you

[Chorus 2:]
When I’m gone
When I’m gone
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone
You’re gonna miss me by my walk
You’re gonna miss me by my talk, oh
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone

 

 

 

 

 

Three recipes designed to bring warmth and comfort (food) on long cold winters nights

Cheesy Ham and Potato Bacon Casserole

 

 

Prep Time: 15 minutes | Cook Time: 30 minutes

Yield: 4-6 servings | Serving Size: 1 cup

An easy but delicious ham and potato casserole with gooey cheese and crisp bacon! Perfect for using up leftovers or a quick dinner.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ingredients

• 6 Red Potatoes, chopped
• 1/3 cup chopped onion, fine
• 2 tablespoons butter
• 2 cups cooked ham, chopped
• 1 1/2 cups broccoli, chopped and steamed
• 4 ounces Neufchatel or light cream cheese, cubed
• 1 1/2 cups cheddar cheese, grated
• 4 slices of bacon, cooked

Instructions

1. Heat the oven to 350 degrees and spray an 8×9″ baking pan.
2. Fill a pot with water and heat over medium heat. Add the potatoes and boil until tender when pierced with a knife, about 8 minutes. SEE NOTE Drain the potatoes and set aside.
3. In a skillet over medium heat, add the butter and once it begins to melt add the onion. Sauté until tender, about 3 to 4 minutes. Dump the onion and butter into the pot with the potatoes and add the broccoli, ham and cream cheese. Stir to combine, not worrying about spreading the cream cheese as it should be left in clumps and dump into the baking dish. Top with cheese and bake at 350 for 25 to 35 minutes or until heated through. Top with bacon the last minute and serve!

Notes

it’s key that you cook the potatoes until tender during this step or they will still be too raw even with baking for the dish to be enjoyable

 

Crockpot Chicken Spaghetti with Velveeta

This Crockpot Chicken Spaghetti with Velveeta isn’t going to win any Weight Watchers Awards. Nothing too healthy about it at all, but it sure is good!

Recipe type: Dinner | Cuisine: Italian / Mexican | Prep time:  20 mins

Cook time:  3 hours | Total time:  3 hours 20 mins | Serves: 6 – 8

Ingredients

• 16 oz. spaghetti, cooked
• 1 lb. Velveeta Light (2%)Cheese
• 2 cups cooked, chopped chicken
• 1 can  cream of mushroom soup
• 1 can  cream of chicken soup
• 1 can of petite diced tomatoes
• 1 4oz. can of mild green chilies
• 4 oz can mushroom stems & pieces, drained
• ½ cup water
• 1 small onion, diced
• salt & pepper to taste

Instructions

1. Spray slow cooker with non-stick cooking spray. Combine all ingredients in slow cooker and stir to mix well. Cook on LOW for 2-3 hours.
2. Seriously, that’s it people! Stir it, of course, as you’re serving….and get all the goodies mixed up real good!

 

Since I’m in Texas and a bunch of Texans are eating this, plus to make my cooking like easier I combine the tomatoes and green chilies by using 2 small (6 oz) drained cans of a Rotel type product in their place. Generally these get dumped into a colander and receive a quick rinse as this cuts down on the heat. You can vary the heat level by buying different heat levels or by simply rinsing one can and just draining (separately) the other.

Again since I’m in Texas and feeding Texans I use green onions and season with Salt, Pepper, Garlic powder and Onion powder or something called Adobo which is a spice blend you get in a shaker in the ethnic foods aisle made by Goya and either Chili Power or Taco seasoning depending which ones I have at any given time (and who is watching me make it).

Lastly this is a great meal for using up leftover roast/rotisserie chicken. If I am planning ahead I’ll serve the white meat and reserve the dark for this or if I am specifically making this recipe I’ll buy chicken thighs to make it with.

 

Best Ever Chocolate Oatmeal No-Bake Bars

 

Ingredients

• 1 cup peanut butter
• 1/2 cup honey
• 1/2 cup coconut oil (you could also substitute butter)
• 2 cups old fashioned oats
• 1 cup shredded coconut
• 1/2 cup chopped nuts (macadamia or hazel) , raisins, or dried cranberries (crasins) or chopped dried dark cherries
• 1 1/4 cups dark chocolate chips (or regular semi-sweet chocolate chips, if you prefer)
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Instructions

Melt the peanut butter, honey, and coconut oil over medium-low heat in a saucepan on the stove. {Watch this closely. Mine started to burn!}

Remove from heat once it’s melted together and add in the oats, shredded coconut, chocolate chips, nuts/raisins, and vanilla. Stir together until the chocolate is completely melted.

Pour into a greased 9×13 pan and cool in the fridge. If you’d like thicker bars, you can pour the mixture into a smaller pan. (or  make a double batch, they won’t go to waste trust me!)

When the mixture is hardened, cut into bars and eat. Store in the refrigerator or freezer.

This is one of the only baking items I make…primarily because its not really baking its cooking. Baking is all chemistry no room for improvisation or interpretation.

I add 2 tablespoons of espresso (I keep instant on hand for cooking) or strong coffee (on the rare occasion there are actually 2 tablespoons left in my pot) to the oil & PB this gives the chocolate a boost and deeper flavor.

I also do the melting in a metal bowl over boiling water double boiler style to avoid any threat of burning which would ruin the mix.

Finally a glass of a nice deep fruity red wine such as Llano Estacado’s Sweet Red not only pars well with this but will ward off any chill you might get from eating a no bake refrigerated dessert bar 

 

 

GI Joe, the world’s first action figure, turns 50

Author: The Associated Press

 

SARATOGA SPRINGS, N.Y. –

G.I. Joe is turning 50.

The birthday of what’s called the world’s first action figure is being celebrated this month by collectors and the toy maker that introduced it just before the nation plunged into the quagmire that would become the Vietnam War — a storm it seems to have weathered pretty well.

Since Hasbro brought it to the world’s attention at the annual toy fair in New York City in early 1964, G.I. Joe has undergone many changes, some the result of shifts in public sentiment for military-themed toys, others dictated by the marketplace.

Still, whether it’s the original “movable fighting man” decked out in the uniforms of the four branches of the U.S. military, or today’s scaled-down products, G.I. Joe remains a popular brand.

“Joe stood for everything that was meant to be good: fighting evil, doing what’s right for people,” said Alan Hassenfeld, the 65-year-old former CEO for Pawtucket, R.I.-based Hasbro Inc., whose father, Merrill, oversaw G.I. Joe’s development in 1963.

But it’s Don Levine, then the company’s head of research and development, who is often referred to as the “father” of G.I. Joe for shepherding the toy through design and development. Levine and his team came up with an 11½-inch articulated figure with 21 moving parts, and since the company’s employees included many military veterans, it was decided to outfit the toy in the uniforms of the Army, Navy, Marines and Air Force, with such accessories as guns, helmets and vehicles.

Levine, who served in the Army in Korea, said he got the idea for the moveable figure as a way to honor veterans.

But he and his team knew the product wasn’t in Hasbro’s usual mold, and it took years of pitches before Merrill Hassenfeld gave it the company’s full backing.

“Most boys in the ’60s had a father or a relative who was or had been in the military,” said Patricia Hogan, curator at The Strong National Museum of Play in Rochester, home to the National Toy Hall of Fame. “Once you’ve bought Joe, you need to buy all the accessories and play sets and add-ons, which was great for business.”

G.I. Joe hit the shelves in time for the 1964 Christmas shopping season and soon became a big seller at $4 apiece.

It remained popular until the late 1960s, as opposition to Vietnam intensified and parents shied away from military-related toys. Hasbro countered in 1970 by introducing “Adventure Team” G.I. Joes that played down the military connection. Into the ’70s, G.I. Joes featured “lifelike hair” and “kung-fu grip” and were outfitted with scuba gear to save the oceans and explorer’s clothing for discovering mummies.

Hasbro discontinued production later that decade. In the early 1980s, Hasbro shrank Joe to 3¾ inches, the same size as figures made popular by “Star Wars.” It has stuck to that size, with the occasional issue of larger special editions.

Over the decades, G.I. Joe has spawned comic books, cartoons, two movies starring Channing Tatum, and a G.I. Joe Collector’s Club and its annual convention — GIJoeCon — held in Dallas in April. But for many G.I. Joe fans of a certain age, the newer products hold no appeal.

“The 12-inch G.I. Joe built that company,” said Tearle Ashby, of the New York village of Ballston Spa. “The stuff they put out now is garbage.”

Ashby, a psychotherapist who turns 50 in June, played with G.I. Joes as a boy, but few survived, falling victim to encounters with firecrackers and little parachutes that failed to open.

“Casualties of war,” said Ashby, who started collecting 12-inch G.I. Joes 20 years ago and now owns about 2,000.

On Saturday, he and other collectors plan to bring their 12-inch G.I. Joes to the New York State Military Museum in Saratoga Springs to celebrate the 50th birthday.

The exact date of G.I. Joe’s introduction remains hazy. Ashby and others, including Hasbro, believe it was in February 1964 — but American International Toy Fair organizers say it was held in March that year.

Hasbro said it intends to announce details of its 50th anniversary plans during this year’s fair in New York on Feb. 16-19.

G.I. Joe was elected into Toy Hall of Fame in 2004, six years after Barbie was enshrined. Hogan said the hall doesn’t have policies prohibiting toy weapons from induction, although all candidates must be deemed safe. The U.S. was in the early stages of the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq a decade ago, so G.I. Joe’s induction didn’t meet the opposition it might have faced as the conflicts dragged on, Hogan said.

“I suspect,” she said, “most people would have acknowledged that G.I. Joe really does belong in the Toy Hall of Fame.”

 

Now you know and knowing is half the battle! GO JOE!

 

Only with GI Joe– she just moans a lot and fakes it for the jewelry with Ken.

 

 

For god’s sakes recognize it for the sarcasm it is already!

 

Too much serious current political discussion and other seriousness in this issue already so let us look to the future.

Think of me as you’re comedic Celtic version of Nostradamus as I gaze into the peat fueled flames of the fire and pronounce (hopefully humorous)prognostications on the future of our country if we don’t change our course and soon. 

 

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2059

· Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California.

· White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia’s third language..

· Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

· Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped.

· Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

· Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

· France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica. No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation!

· Last Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

· George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2060.

· Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

· 85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

· Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

· Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Floruba.

· Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

· Abortion clinics now available in every High School in United States.

· Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for 4,532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.

· Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

· Supreme Court rules any punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

· Average height of NBA players is now nine feet seven inches.

· New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2060.

· IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

· Floruba voters still having trouble with voting machines.

I Love This Country! It’s The Government That Scares Me!

Stop organized crime. Re-elect no one.

-NOT CONFIRMED BY SNOPES.-

 

Finally a bit of advice for you guys who will not be getting lucky with your true love on prop up the Greeting Card, Confectioners, Restaurant & Flower Industries Valentine’s Day…

 

Now, if you’ll excuse me I have some people waiting in my limo who want to talk to me about their Valentine’s Day expectations.

Good morning my friends.  I’ve just completed my first week back at work and it’s been a weird one for sure.  Wednesday, we got snowed in…AGAIN …
Here’s a little example of my darling dragonette shoveling snow.

What a great helper she’s been!  Anyway, we’ve got more snow scheduled for this weekend and I have my first weekend duty since I’ve been back.  I’m glad because I sure need the time and a half, but after not having worked for so long, I kinda need the weekend off, as well.  Oh well, it will be fun regardless of what happens.

Speaking of having fun, I think it’s time for us to do the same.  It’s time for us to cut loose, so…

Okay, so maybe talking about ice cream in the middle of winter is not the best thing to do, but this is way cool!  If you’ll pardon the pun!

 

Thanks to buddy Wheats for this one! And there is a lot more truth to this than one first might see:

How to turn a mundane, everyday task into a major production.

Now this is a way cool desk for the proper geek!

This is the greatest parking job ever!  Well, maybe not the greatest…or even the safest…but one of the most exciting.  Yeah, that would work.

Indeed, what is it that we’ve allowed that pervert Walt Disney teach our kids!!!!  Oh my!  I’m shocked, I tell you!  Shocked!

 

Snow is a 4-Letter Word.  Sung from Canada, but the theory is the same. 

and as much as I truly love the snow, and I really do, I’m getting a little tired of it.  There’s so much of it now that it’s getting in the way.  Our guys on base are to the point that they are having trouble finding places to move it to.  They are talking about trucking it out to the back part of the base.  It’s one thing to pay people to plow the snow, it’s another thing completely when you have to pay even more people to put it in dump trucks and move it less than a mile to get it out of the way.

Anyway, I think I’m with the snowman, it’s time for warmer weather.

Caffine is the
foundation of
my food Pyramid!

I’m not 100% sure, since this picture was sent to me anonymously, plain brown envelope, slipped under my door, but I think this might be one of Lethal’s cats.  Lord knows they are both smart enough to beat most any Mario game on any game platform.

 

Okay, so this is an old joke, but I don’t believe that is reason enough to disqualify this as a truly funny joke…

 

11 Reasons why working in a cubicle sucks:

1. Being told to “Think Outside the Box” when I’m in the @#$%? box all day!

2. Not being able to check E-mail attachments without first seeing who is behind me.

3. Fabric cubicle walls do not offer much protection from any kind of gun fire.

4. That nagging feeling that if I just press the right button, I will get a piece of cheese.

5. Lack of roof rafters for the noose.

6. My walls are too close together for my hammock to work right.

7. Women: Damned near impossible to adjust your bra or slip without comment.

Men: Co-workers tend to stare when you loosen your pants to tuck in your shirt.

8. 23 power cords, 1 outlet.

9. Prison cells are not only bigger, they have beds.

10. When tours come through, I get lots of peanuts thrown at me.

11. Can’t slam the door when you quit and walk out.

Oh lord, that was horrible!!!!

 

 

At a senior citizen’s meeting, a couple were celebrating their 50th anniversary. The husband stood up and was telling story of his dating habits in his youth. It seemed that every time he brought home a girl to meet his mother, his mother didn’t like her. So, finally, he started searching until he found a girl who not only looked like his mother and acted like his mother, she even sounded like his mother. So he brought her home one night to have dinner, and his father didn’t like her.

Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a check-up, only to find out that she’s pregnant. She is furious! Here she is –- in the middle of dealing with this Syrian mess — now *this* has happened to her! She calls home, gets Bill on the phone and immediately starts screaming: “You bastard! How could you have let this happen? With all that’s going on right now, you go and get me pregnant! How could you? I can’t believe this! I’ve just found out I’m FIVE WEEKS PREGNANT! And it’s all your fault! Well, what have you got to say?” There is nothing but dead silence on the phone. She screams again, “DID YOU HEAR ME?” Finally, she hears Bill’s very, very quiet voice, in a barely audible whisper: “Who’s this speaking?”

This must be an example of that “new” math I’ve been hearing about…

A woman went to the market one day to buy herring and a loaf of bread. “How much is it?” she asked the storekeeper. “14 cents,” answered the storekeeper to the lady. “14 cents! For what?” asked the lady. The storekeeper explained: The herring costs 7 cents, and the loaf of bread costs 7 cents also. So together it comes to 14 cents.” “I know different. To the best of my recollection, 7 and 7 is 11.” “What are you saying?” “As far as I know, 7 and 7 is 11…I had already had 4 children when my first husband died. When I married a second time, my second husband also had 4 children from his first wife. After getting married, we had 3 children together. So each of us had 7 children, and together we had 11! Obviously, 7 and 7 is 11!

 

President Obama was interviewed by Bill O’Reilly before the Super Bowl. The partisan knives came out after the game. Republicans blame Denver’s poor play on Obamacare while Democrats accuse Governor Chris Christie of blocking all Bronco lanes to the end zone.

 

The Seattle Seahawks killed the Denver defense by repeatedly running an end-around play with the speedy Percy Harvin against the Broncos defense. It often works. The end-around is President Obama’s favorite play against Congress but he calls it the executive order.

 

House Republicans unveiled an immigration reform bill that will allow illegal aliens to receive work cards but not U.S. citizenship. It’d also seal off the U.S.-Mexican border before going into effect. The GOP goal is to appeal to Hispanic voters without creating more of them.

 

NASA announced plans to set up a facility on Mars that can create water and oxygen on Mars to aid colonization. What’s the point? In two years, the Curiosity Rover has found no football, no beer and no porn on Mars, destroying all hopes that men could survive there.