Dragon Laffs #1373


Header9Good morning my friends!

Well, we’ve had some volunteers to help fill out our weather from across the country.  We’ve gotten everything from just a couple word answers to some pretty interesting sends.  So, here, for out first group issue is our inputs:

North: Still waiting for someone to volunteer

Northeast: Still waiting for someone to volunteer

East: Wheats, from McConnells, SC says: Our hi temp on Friday was 70 with a low of 61. Got a little bit of rain, but mostly a nice day.3f

Southeast: Dad in Bonita Springs, FL was very concerned about the excessive cold to hit his area.  It got all the way down to 68 degrees and only made it up to 84.  If it was a little warmer out it would have been a great day for golf.  Clear skies and a light wind.  Dad, this one is for you:

South: Lethal Leprechaun himself has the southern report from Houston Texas.  Houston was a bit cooler than you’d think for being so far south.  67 for the high and 46 for the low doesn’t sound like south Texas weather to me.  But, it looks like he had no rain and basically, a nice day.

Southwest: Jack Daniels from Yuma, AZ has this to say:overnight low 58 degrees, projected high 84, NW wind, 4-5 mph, mostly cloudy. Not bad Jack, looks like you’ve got the high temp for the day.

West: Still waiting for someone to volunteer

Northwest: comes to us from Tom in Turner, OR.  Here’s what he had to say, complete with pictures!!  Good morning from the Pacific Northwest. After a week of heavy rain and high winds we’re going to have a weekend break. Of course the rain will return Monday to start the new work week. Here in the Willamette Valley we’ve had a little over three and a half inches of rain in the last week. Add that to the recent 3dsnow melt and the ground gets very soft. Then when the wind blows, this happens;

 

This tree fell on a backyard fireplace. Some fall on homes and others have taken down power lines causing outages.
For the weekend we expect partly sunny skies with lows around 30-35 and highs in the upper forties.
    Over on the coast there will be fog in the morning and partly sunny afternoons until Monday. Low’s 35-40 and highs around 45. Take a ski trip to Mt. Hood and it will be sunny with a high of 28. Sunny and cool over on the east side of Oregon with a low of 20 and high about 40.
    To date, we haven’t put the government in charge of our rain, so we don’t have a shortage of it. Did you hear that California?
The N.W. Weather Guy

Central: And finally, the central comes from yours truly, everyone’s favorite mythical creature…I know, there are you Leprechaun fans out there, but let’s just let that go for now, shall we?…Impish Dragon!  Our high was supposed to be near 50 today, but only reached 36 and our low was right down there at 29.  Which I thinks gives us the unwanted distinction of having the coldest day.  It rained, it snowed, it sleeted, the wind blew with gusts over 50 mph and overall it was a crappy day!  We’ve had rain over the last couple of days and now our rivers, streams and creeks are past flood stage and way over the banks due to the melting snow (oh, which is now ice, by the way) and the 3 inches of rain we’ve gotten.  You know what they say about the weather in Indiana?  If you don’t like the weather, just wait a couple of minutes.

So, you saw where we are still looking for volunteers (North, Northeast and West).  We are also looking for guest commentators from the rest of the world (I know you’re out there) and anyone else who might have a picture or such to contribute. Like this beautiful picture from Garrett in NW Oregon:3eThanks buddy!  Now, what do you say we all get a laugh on!


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This is bloody brilliant!!!!  You will not believe how intelligent this bird is!

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A Great Idea For Keeping Your Kids Safe>>>
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There’s no worse feeling in the world than losing track of your child in a crowd. You’re helpless until you spot that sweet face looking for you.

Don’t let your child get lost without providing a way for him or her to be found. Tottoos can create a temporary identification “tattoo” for your little one. If your child becomes lost, the finder can call a phone number on the temporary tattoo so you can find each other again.

These are great for vacations, amusement parks, family outings, sports events and anywhere you child can wander off without you. Tottoos are also available for kids with medical and special needs.

A basic kit of 15 custom Tottoos with 2 personalized lines runs $13.

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The mother-in-law arrives home from the shops to find her son-in-law Paddy in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase.

 “What happened Paddy?” she asks anxiously. “What happened!!

 I’ll tell you what happened. I sent an email to me wife telling her I was coming home today from my fishing trip. I get home… and guess what I found: Yes, your daughter, my wife Jean, naked with Joe Murphy in our marital bed!

 This is unforgivable, the end of our marriage. I’m done. I am leaving forever!”

 “Ah now, calm down, calm down Paddy!” says his mother-in-law. “There is I something very odd going on here. Jean would never do such a thing! There must be a simple explanation. I’ll go speak to her immediately and find out what happened.” 

 Moments later, the mother-in-law comes back with a big smile… “Paddy, I told you there must be a simple explanation…..

 

. . . she never got your email!

Being the bigger mythological creature, you’ll notice I did not take the obvious route of substituting Lethal Leprechaun for Paddy in the above joke.  I have to tell  you, as often as I’ve been getting run over by buses lately, it was sorely tempting.  Then I thought, gee…who’s it really picking on?  And the thought of pissing Molly off scares me to death!
LOL!  Hi ya Molls!

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We need to classify this next video under the category of “It ain’t fair!”  This little chickadee is SO cute and adorable!  A definite Olympics contender say in 2022 or 2026.  What’s the “ain’t fair” part you ask?  Granted, I have a bum knee and all, but this little girl can do more on the ice, than I can do on solid ground with my best sneakers on!  Ah, you’ll see:

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And another great video.  I don’t have a fear of heights, but watching this gave me butterflies in my stomach!  Climbing The Shanghai Tower (650 meters or 2,132.5 feet) the second tallest building in the world and it’s still under construction.  These two Russian kids hopped a fence and scaled this building going all the way out …. well, you’ll see.

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Spain may have the running of the bulls, but this stampede of cuteness cannot be out-done!

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And what a perfect segue into our next section.  This little bunny has the heart of a hero!

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Hey!  What do you say we do another group of our favorite child…
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Older Employee Notice!
 
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown inthe economy, and the mass export of US jobs to Asia and the developing countries, Congress has decided to implement a scheme to put workers age 50 and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.
 
This scheme will be known as RAPE(Retire Aged People Early).
 
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to Congress to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced  Termination).
 
Persons who have been RAPEDand SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).

A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Congress deems appropriate.

 
Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).

Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED anyfurther by Congress.

 
Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Congress has always prided themselves on the amount of SHIT they give our citizens.
 
Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your Congressman, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.
 
Sincerely,
The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (
E.V.I.L.)

PS – Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, the Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.

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Here is a great 13 question science test.  It’s quick and fun and you get to compare yourself to others who take the test.  See if you can beat the dragon.  I got 12 out of 13 correct.  The one I missed?  It could have gone either way.  I actually had the correct answer marked and then changed my mind.  And they always say, go with your first response.  Oh well.  I had fun all the same.

Here’s the link: http://www.pewresearch.org/quiz/science-knowledge/ 

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It wouldn’t be a Dragon Laffs issue if we didn’t include my favorite section…
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why

why bother

Who needs GPS

White trash

Whiskey

No shit!  And that’s got to be bad whiskey.  Good whiskey doesn’t do that shit to you!

An Arab was seated next to our dear Lethal Leprechaun on a flight from London.  After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken.  Lethal asked for a good Irish whiskey, aniplane2which was promptly brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the Arab if he would like a drink.
He replied in disgust, “I’d rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips.”
Lethal Leprechaun then solemnly handed his drink back to the attendant and said, “Me, too, I didn’t know we had a choice.”

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3 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1373

  1. lethalleprechaun says:

    I went 13\13 with the test.
    Oh and Molly says that despite being a lizard who’s body has out grown its brain there is nothing wrong with your survival instincts. She said she’ll allow you to live just as long as you continue to exercise such good judgment in your postings.

    • impishdragon says:

      Great job on the test Lethal. I expected no less from you. And Molly…dear Molly…thank you for your understanding and compassion.

      • lethalleprechaun says:

        She also said I could/should take a few pointers from you with regards not antagonizing her and/or the consequences of failing to follow your example.

        Personally I plan on continuing to do what I always do when I irritate her use the old tried and true “Impish made me do/say it” defense

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