Leprechaun Laughs #233 for Wednesday Feb 19th 2014


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I’MMM BAAACCCKKK!

That’s right boys & girls the new Lethal’s Lap Top is perched atop its new cooling stand, tied into all my peripherals and about 75% of what I need has been removed from my old lap top’s hard drive now and installed on my new one.

OK technically it’s not exactly new new, its about 3 or 4 months old, I was unable to find a 17” machine running Windows 7 for what I deemed to be a reasonable price and from a reputable manufacturer. I knew I didn’t want Windows 8.1 based on my experiences working on/with other people’s machines.

As it turned out Molly who had recently gotten a new machine and whom I had talked into a 17” one at the time decided it was too big and too heavy for her lap but that she was not as adverse to Windows 8.1 as I was. So it wound up that Molly got a new 15” Lenovo and I got her nearly new 17” Dell.

So, wadda ya say we take this puppy out for a spin and see what it can do huh? Temperature has moderated quite a bit around in the last 5 days and I could use the fresh air.

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Empty W-o you

 

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WIse & Worthy Words

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An old man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the movie theatre.
When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the old man, “Sorry sir, but you’re only allowed one seat.”
The old man didn’t budge.
The usher became more impatient.  “Sir, if you don’t get up from there I’m going to have to call the manager.”
Once again, the old man just muttered and did nothing.  The usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the old disheveled man, but with no success. 
Finally they summoned the police.
The officer surveyed the situation briefly then asked, “All right buddy what’s your name?”
“Fred,” the old man moaned.
“Where ya from, Fred?” asked the police officer.
With a terrible grunt in his voice, and without moving, Fred replied “The balcony.” 

 

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YOU’VE BEEN EATING CHICKEN WINGS WRONG YOUR WHOLE LIFE

Ok, I’ve got a confession- I have a secret guilty pleasure (besides getting in ahead of Impish on most of his ‘virgins’). I love to watch some of those crazy Russian YouTube channels.

A lot of their antic are as good as the Keystone Cops, Laurel & Hardy, Abbot & Costello, Hope & Crosby, Gleason & Carney, Desi & Lucy or Martin & Lewis plus you get those funny Russian accents and their misunderstood usage of American Idioms. They are the Russian equivalent of a Redneck sayin’ ‘Ya’ll hold muh beer and watch dis”.

Occasionally however you actually get to see something innovative and useful. Case in point recently there was were several that make the rounds on how to open food tins w/o any sort of proper opening tool. Case in point with this next video. I saw this mentioned someplace and went looking out of curiosity:

How do you eat your chicken wings? If you just bite into them, you end up wasting a ton of meat and probably getting buffalo sauce all over your face. There’s a simple, ingenious method to getting all that delicious meat without any mess. If you haven’t been using it, you’ve been missing out!

 

After I saw it  I knew I had to try it for myself. Well Over the weekend we had wings. While not Buffalo hot wings (we actually had Parmesan Herb & Garlic due to stomach issues around here of late) they were still cut the same. I can confirm that I used to eat mine the ‘old way’ (a bet I didn’t leave near what the Russian does on mine) prior to watching  the video and then trying their way. From now one I’ll be eating mine their way. I does take a few wings to get the hang of but once you learn how to do it and try it you’ll never go back to the old way.

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Don’t even get me started on the USPS who took $31 from my sister in CT to ship me a blanket and made me go to the Post Office to get it because the package was going to take up too much room in their delivery vehicle! Did I mention I live less than a mile from the Post Office or that their definition of delivering packages is to dump them in the hardly ever open when we get here Complex Office?

gaspull-geeksaresexyt-8

Two Meanings for One Word

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.

Female…… Any part under a car’s hood.
Male….. The strap fastener on a woman’s bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.

Female…. Fully opening up one’s self emotionally to another.
Male….. Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n

Female… The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one’s partner.
Male… Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko- mit-ment) n.

Female….. A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male…… Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.

Female…. A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male…… Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.

Female…. An embarrassing by-product of indigestion.
Male…… A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.

Female…… The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male….. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.

Female…. A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male… A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

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‘Waltons’ & ‘NCIS’ actor Ralph Waite dies at age 85

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By Topher Gauk-Roger and Greg Botelho, CNN February 14, 2014 — Updated 1245 GMT (2045 HKT)

(CNN) — Veteran character actor Ralph Waite — who many knew best from his time on “The Waltons,” though he also had regular roles in more recent series like “Bones” and “NCIS” — has died.

He was 85.

Waite died on Thursday afternoon at his Palm Desert, California, home, according to Steve Gordon, his family accountant. Jane Mead, a representative of the Spirit of the Desert Presbyterian Fellowship that Waite attended regularly, confirmed his death.

According to IMDB.com, Waite was already a Hollywood veteran with parts in movies like “Cool Hand Luke” and “Five Easy Pieces,” plus TV series such as “Bonanza” when he landed the role of John Walton Sr.

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“The Waltons” struck a chord with many viewers during its run from 1972 to 1981, with Waite being a constant on that show as well as in several TV movies to follow.

Waite was twice nominated for an Emmy, first in 1977 for supporting actor in a comedy or drama series for “Roots” and the next year as lead actor in a drama for his Waltons’ role.

Waite also tried his hand at politics, running unsuccessfully as a Democrat for a U.S. representative seat that includes Palm Springs — narrowly losing in 1990 and again in 1998 to Mary Bono, the widow of former congressman and “Sonny and Cher” star Sonny Bono.

These forays didn’t stop Waite from continuing his day job, however.

He continued to score regular roles, for instance, on TV shows like “The Mississippi,” “Murder One,” “Carnivale,” “The Practice” and “Grey’s Anatomy.”

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In fact, Waite was busy working right through last year playing recurring characters on not only “Bones” and “NCIS” but also “Days of Our Lives.”

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Stephan Nathan, “Bones” executive producer, remembered Waites as “a wonderful man.”

“A big loss,” Nathan tweeted. “RIP.”

Pauley Perrette, part of the “NCIS” cast, also tweeted condolences for the man she referred to as Papa Gibbs.

“We love him at NCIS SO much,” Perrette said. “So so sad.”

Hey! Don’t blame me for the litany of obits! Its really honestly and actually all Impish’s fault!

See, every time I mentioned one of these celebrities passing Impish responds with “gee that’s too bad, I wonder who’s next?” or “you know these things come in threes right?” Within a day or two of his comment[s] BAM! Another one bites the dust.

Who knew Death had bat wings, blue scales and a cigar habit?!

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In case I haven’t made it clear before now Impish when he’s under the weather or in pain can be a bit of an annoyance patience trying to have about (not to mention downright cranky and depressing).

Most people don’t know that his recent prolonged recuperation at home from his second knee surgery he got on Mrs. Dragons nerves so badly that most of their exchanges could have passed for new episodes of the 1990’s Roseanne show.

Here are a few examples of what I mean:

Impish said… I don’t know why you wear a bra; you’ve got nothing to put in it.
Mrs. Dragon said… You wear pants don’t you?

Impish said… Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
Mrs. Dragon said… That’s a good idea – you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!

Impish said… What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
Mrs. Dragon said… Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

Impish said… Why are married women heavier than single women?
Mrs. Dragon said… Single women come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what’s in bed and go to the fridge.

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Even with all that snow seems Impish isn’t safe from that marauding bus driving homicidal maniac! At least that snow bank cushioned his fall! You think by now he’d have gotten the message:

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An Age Old Philosophical Question Finally Laid to Rest

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If you remember last weeks Parting Shot I took a tongue in cheek look forward to predict what shape the nation would be in in 2059 if we didn’t do something fast about the track it is on. One of the predictions in the list was:

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2060.

A couple private comments I got mentioned suggested this was‘excessively dramatic’, ‘overly sarcastic’ and ‘blowing things all out of proportion for the sake of sensationalism’.

I confess I was at a loss on exactly how to defend this position, largely because it’s one of those things where either you can see the hand writing on the wall plain as day and it shakes you to the core of your Second Amendment loving soul or no amount of intelligent discussion can convince you that the only way we can preserve our form of government and insure we keep the freedoms it promises us is to continue to possess the resources to be a threat to it should it decide to take a more tyrannical approach to governing as so many governments  through out the course of history have.

Then I found this article which made me recall and reflect on my experience in coming to Texas from another state and just how lucky I was in my situation.

Knife Right’s ‘Knife Owners Protection Act’ Introduced in Congress, Crucial Knife Owner Protections

Published on Thursday, November 14, 2013

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Washington, DC:-(Ammoland.com)- Knife Rights’ Knife Owners’ Protection Act, H.R.3478 (KOPA), was introduced in the U.S. House of Representatives today by sponsor Rep. Matt Salmon (R-AZ).

Knife Rights Chairman Doug Ritter explained, “KOPA will protect law-abiding knife owners travelling throughout the U.S. from the vagaries of restrictive state and local laws.

As long as possession of the particular knife is legal in the state where the journey starts and ends, and provided the knife is secured in accordance with KOPA, a knife owner would no longer be threatened with arrest simply for traveling from one place to another.”

KOPA is the first proactive pro-knife federal legislation introduced in the nation’s history.

Additional co-sponsors are: Rep. Kerry Bentivolio (R-MI), Rep. Scott DesJarlais (R-TN), Rep. Jeff Duncan (R-SC), Rep. Trent Franks (R-AZ), Rep. Paul Gosar (R-AZ), Rep. Thomas Massie (R-KY), Rep. David Schweikert (R-AZ), and Rep. Steve Stockman (R-TX)

“Those who travel across the country with knives for work, recreation and self defense are presently subject to arrest and prosecution under a confusing patchwork of inconsistent state and local laws and regulations, said Ritter, “what is perfectly legal in one place may be a serious crime in another, resulting in forfeiture of property and carrying significant penalties including jail time. Enforcement is not uniform even within jurisdictions and is subject to the vagaries of political expediency at times. Sportsmen and workmen who travel are particularly vulnerable.”

“The culmination of almost three years of effort, Knife Rights developed the Knife Owners’ Protection Act to address this absurd situation in a commonsense manner that is fair and equitable and is based on established legislative and legal precedent,” Ritter noted, “we’ve fought hard to defend the right to carry a knife in the individual states, cities and towns, but KOPA represents a key initiative to protect law-abiding knife owners simply passing through areas like New York City where possessing the most commonly owned pocket knife in America today, the one-hand opening folding knife, may result in arrest and prosecution.”

Sponsor Rep. Matt Salmon (AZ-05) said, “This legislation is long overdue. The Knife Owners’ Protection Act is a responsible and reasonable means of ensuring that knife owners throughout America can travel with assurance that their rights will be protected with equal respect for states with overly restrictive knife laws.”

The current situation with knives is similar to the circumstances with guns that existed prior to the passage of the Firearms Owner Protection Act (FOPA -18 USC 926A) in 1986, when Congress acted to protect law-abiding gun owners from a similar inconsistent patchwork of laws by insulating their travels if firearms possession was lawful at both the origination and destination points of travel.

Ritter noted “unfortunately, FOPA provides no protections whatsoever to knife owners, so they are completely unprotected from the same perils. It is entirely likely that a sportsman travelling with both firearms and knives who follows FOPA’s requirements to the letter and also locks up his knives in an abundance of caution, could be insulated against prosecution for firearms possession, yet be arrested and prosecuted for knife possession. That is a ridiculous situation. KOPA simply aims to protect knife owners in the same manner as KOPA protects firearm owners.”

KOPA has teeth to defend those who travel under its protection because it also provides penalties for law enforcement, prosecutors and others who ignore the protections provided. Similar to the protections and penalties generally provided in USC 1983 to those whose civil rights are violated, a falsely arrested citizen can be compensated for the expense of defending themselves from an unwarranted violation of the rights Congress has protected in KOPA.

Ritter closed by saying, “Knife Rights continues to lead the way with aggressive proactive legislative action to defend and protect knife owners’ rights. KOPA is just another example of our groundbreaking efforts to create a Sharper Future for all Americans.”

Read H.R3478 at: http://bit.ly/19njvUw

A FAQ on KOPA with additional details and background can be found at: http://bit.ly/1arZIa0

TAKE ACTION!

Getting this bill introduced is only the first step. We need your help to gain additional co-sponsors. If your Representative is not already a co-sponsor, please call or email your Representative and urge them to co-sponsor this commonsense legislation. You can find your Representative at: http://www.house.gov/representatives/find/

Or, you can use the Open Congress website at: http://www.opencongress.org/bill/hr3478-113

Here’s a model email that you can use. We strongly suggest you keep it simple and to the point:

I support H.R.3478, the Knife Owners’ Protection Act of 2013. I urge you to become a co-sponsor of this commonsense legislation that will protect my rights and the rights of all knife owners to travel throughout the U.S. without fear of prosecution under the myriad of state and local knife laws.

ABOUT KNIFE RIGHTS

Knife Rights (www.KnifeRights.org) is America’s grassroots knife owners organization, aggressively fighting for a Sharper Future™ for all knife owners. Knife Rights is dedicated to providing knife owners an effective voice to influence public policy. In the past four years, Knife Rights has passed pro-knife legislation in 11 states and prevented anti-knife legislation in four states. Knife Rights is also the lead plaintiff in a federal civil rights lawsuit against New York City.

For more information contact:

Doug Ritter Chairman 602-292-0997 dritter@KnifeRights.org  Todd Rathner Director of Legislative Affairs 520-404-8096 trathner@KnifeRights.org 

Download a copy of the text of H.R3478 at:  http://www.kniferights.org/KOPA_HR3478_text.pdf (Note please that the Government Printing Office takes a few days to issue the actual bill. It will be posted as soon as available)

Knife Owners Protection Act FAQs.pdf

Under Creative Commons License: Attribution

Now I realize there are a myriad of sub-issues we could discuss in relationship to this that jump right out. Issues that under  different circumstances I might be the one screaming my head off about, such as the usurpation of another one one of our state’s rights by an ever increasingly oppressive and intrusive Big-Brother-knows-what’s-best- for-you mentality Federal Government.

The thing is that in this particular instance the Federal Government is doing exactly what it was designed and envisioned to do, namely resolve disputes between states through the creation of Federal guidelines and regulations that all states are obliged to follow. It is exactly this sort of Federal Law making which gives you the ability to travel state to state, coast to coast & border to border without needing a separate driver’s license and vehicle registration for each separate state. It allows a business incorporated in one state to do business in another, it allows interstate transportation of goods as well as interstate commerce to happen smoothly and uniformly.

It does this by clarifying and standardizing definitions, criteria and other points used to determine what is and is not legal activity to protect us from committing a crime by (in this particular case) take that which is entirely legal in one state and simply crossing the border into another state.

PERSONAL CASE IN POINT:

Those of you who watch/follow the television show NCIS will understand when I say I have been a firm believer in Gibb’s Rule # 9 from long before he ever uttered it. For those of you who do not watch (and you should start) Rule #9 states “Never leave home without/Always carry a knife.”

The only time I am without at least one knife on my person is flying or when I am in a Government building where such things are not permitted. While I may or may not be carrying a side arm at any given time and am from the moment I dress in the morning until I hit my rack always carrying at least one knife on me.

 

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Above is a  knife known as a Gerber Mark 1. It is what commonly typed a double edged blade and sometimes due to the attachment clip on the back of the sheath known as a boot knife as the spring clip can hold it securely in the top of an 8 boot such as police & the military might wear. At a fixed blade of 5 inches in length this was legal in Connecticut for me to carry in my boot as it was covered by my Concealed Weapons Permit (CWP).

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Above is a  knife known as a Gerber Mark II. It is what commonly typed a dual edged double edged blade. It has a 6.6 inch fixed blade. This knife in CT required you to carry it on your belt openly and trust me you carried it in the city you were going to be stopped by some decidedly less than cordial officers and asked exactly what in the hell you were outfitted for. Strangely there was wide spread disagreement as to this size of blade being permissible under the Connecticut CWP.

I knew that under New York State law having either was a crime as under their definition of ‘blade length’ (cutting edge) the Mark 1 was a 10” blade and the Mark II was a 13” as they measured both side and totaled them up. They were not covered according to New York under their Concealed Handgun Permit. The only permissible way to own one was if your Mark II had the Chisel/screwdriver/pry point to it which was made specifically for divers and came with a special leg sheath. Even then you’d better be w/in 100 feet of the water and attired in diving gear if found with one on you.

Anyway I think you start to see my point. Shortly after I moved here Molly took me to meet & get to know her family at their deer camp which they were doing some work on prior to the opening of the season. When we were getting ready to head out and do some maintenance/rattle snake evicting from a few blinds In addition to a revolver loaded with snake shot and a shotgun I was placing the Mark 1 in my right boot and attaching the Mark II to the rear of my belt where I was accustomed to carrying it. That when a friend of Molly’s father spotted them and asked if I knew they were illegal to even possess much less carry in Texas as under Texas laws those were defined as daggers.

I was shocked given Texas’ gun laws and culture that there were apparently stricter laws on carrying knives than there were on openly carrying firearms. I was informed that technically possession was considered a crime if law enforcement were to search our vehicle or house and find them. I was suspicious of the  entire affair since Molly’s Father, Brother and Uncle (who had all been openly admiring the knives) expressed surprise at this. I figured what was to come next was the old “you’d better give them to me and I’ll dispose of them for you’ scenario,  I’d be out 2 serious mementos of my military career… expensive ones at that and he’d wind up with 2 new knives since I figured like so many other laws regarding weapons this alleged law had a ‘doesn’t apply to police or military personnel’ clause.

Instead he went to his car produced his copy of the Texas Statues and showed us the law. He then made the suggestion that the following day we go into the town that was near by find the Post Office or a UPS store and I ship the knives home. While this was on face value a generous offer, I was still feeling a lot of culture shock every time I did something and was too often the brunt of jokes/pranks played on the ‘dumb Yankee boy’ by an endless band of Bubbas who thought it was their duty to play one because probably no other stupid Redneck had thought of it. When I semi politely suggested that such thoughts regarding such possibilities were running through my head he nodded understanding then displayed his badge for me. It read ‘Texas Ranger’.

We were sitting in front of the UPS Store drinking coffee which I bought the following morning waiting for it to open where I was just as respectful well mannered and polite as my Marine training would allow for. See the Rangers have this motto which they believe in with the same levels of ferventness and reverence as Marines believe in ‘Semper Fidelis’. That motto is “One Riot- One Ranger” and personally I wasn’t interested then or now in putting that motto to the test.

The point is had things gone down differently I could have been looking at some serious legal troubles, including the likelihood of the revocation of my Texas Concealed Weapon Carry Permit and probable jail time all because I didn’t know the knife laws were vastly different here. Remember according to the law, ignorance of the law isn’t a defense.

NOW does the import of this legislation and my support of it begin to make sense? We need to not only encourage this legislation we need to direct its crafting so that it is not only practical but based in common sense before some bungling career bureaucratic baboon applies ‘Feinsteinian Logic’ to this and screws it up as bad as the Assault Weapons bill was. What you ask is ‘Feinsteinian Logic’? Let me explain like this:

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THAT is ‘Feinsteinian Logic’ (a.k.a. Liberal Loonies Lunacy).  Granted there are those knives, like the one in the Parting Shot header above whose sole useful purpose it would seem is to inflict severe bodily harm (I suspect that it is some new form of bayonet or extreme survival tool) that likely should be restricted in some manner, but what we don’t need is some idiot liberal trying to ban knives because they look scary, a similar knife was used in a bloody & gore slasher film or in a gruesome act of violence.

Use the links above help make Congress craft a helpful useful common sense law in spite of themselves. Now if you’ll excuse me I have some knives that need sharpening.

Lethal's Business Card

About lethalleprechaun

I believe in being the kind of man who, when my feet touch the floor in the morn', causes the Devil to say "BUGGER ME! HIMSELF IS UP!" ======== I'm a White Married Heterosexual who fervently believes in the war(s) we are fighting, the Second Amendment which I plan on defending with my last breath and my last round of ammunition as well as Arizona's stringent law on Immigration and the need for the border wall. I'm a right of center Con-centrist with Tea Party & Republican sympathies who drives an SUV. I am a Life Time Member of the NRA, a Charter Member of the Patriots' Border Alliance and North American Hunters Association. If there is a season for it and I can shoot one I'll eat it and proudly wear its fur. I believe PETA exists solely to be a forum for Gays, Vegetarians, Hollywood snobbery to stupid to get into politics and Soybean Growers. The ACLU stopped protecting our civil liberties sometime after the 1960s and now serves its own bigoted headline grabbing agenda much in the same way as the Southern Poverty Law Center. I am ecstatic that WE the PEOPLE finally got mad enough to rise up and take back the Government from WE the ENTITLED and reverently wish the Liberals would just get over the loss and quit whining/protesting all the time. After all they're just reaping what they've sown. I am Pro-choice both when it comes to the issue of abortion AND school prayer. I believe in a government for the people, by the people which represents and does the people's will. Therefore I an Pro States rights and mandatory term limits but against special interest group campaign contributions and soft money. I think that sports teams who allow their players to sit or take a knee during the National Anthem should be boycotted until the message is received that this is not acceptable behavior for role models for children. I believe Congressional salaries should be voted on bi-annually by the people they represent and not by themselves. I think Congress should be subject to every law they pass on the populace including any regarding Social Security or Healthcare. Speaking of the Healthcare bill (or con job as I see it) I hope Trump will overturn it and set things back to normal. I oppose the building of an Mosque or ANY Islamic center at or within a 10 mile radius of Ground Zero in New York. I will fight those in favor of this until hell freezes over and then I will continue to fight it hand to hand on the ice. Further I think the ban on immigrants from certain nations known to harbor and promote terrorism is a justified measure, at least until we can come up with better methods of vetting and tracking those non citizens we allow in the country. We did not inflict this measure on them those who refuse to point out, denounce or fight radical religious terrorism brought this upon themselves.
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