Leprechaun Laughs # 252 for Wednesday June 25th 2014


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See what happens when I’m all nice and respectful to Impish? Been letting him slide, laying off his case, doing graphics for him to help him out for a while now. Suddenly last Saturday I wake up to find myself playing Abbot to his Costello unannounced.

SIGH! I guess good deeds really never do go unpunished. Time to take Impish to summer school I guess. That means you folks are coming along for the ride so put the coffee smokes and cookies all away sit up straight and pay attention cause class is in session and I’ve got 6 Nuns who are worse than the Penguin from the Blues Brothers movies. They think they are Jedi Masters with those fiber glass reinforced graphite pointers and their mission is to keep you paying attention all issue. Free word of caution with them there is no try-only do.

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best coffeeservice  ever

I really like the coffee service in this place!

coffee ind

A crusty old biker out on a long summer ride in the country pulls up to a tavern in the middle of nowhere, parks his bike and walks inside. As he passes thru the swingin’ doors, he sees a sign hanging over the bar:

COLD BEER: $2.00
HAMBURGER: $2.25
CHEESEBURGER: $2.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH: $3.50
HAND JOB: $50.00

Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the ol’ biker walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled farmers.

She glides down behind the bar to the biker.

“Yes?” she inquires with a wide, knowing smile. “May I help you?”

The biker leans over the bar, “I was wondering, young lady,” he whispers: “are you the one who gives the hand jobs?”

She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs “Why yes. Yes, I sure am.”

The biker leans closer and into her left ear whispers softly, “Well, wash your hands real good, then, ’cause I want a cheeseburger.”

happy-first-day-of-summer-3

SUMMER TIME IS HERE!

Bikini’s, short shorts, boy shorts, crop tops, plunging necklines, spying on nude sunbathing MILFs with R/C drones! [Mop brigade to the conference room- clean up dragon drool pool ] Let’s celebrate with a  little Summer music through out the issue shall we?!

The Beach Boys – Surfin’ Safari (1962)

 

Three old men were sitting together in a retirement home: Paul, Impish, and Lethal. Most of the time they’d try to one-up each other about their youthful exploits, but this time they were discussing how each of them would like to die.

Paul started it off, saying “I would like to die in a race car going two-hundred-and-fifty miles an hour!”

Not to be outdone, Impish, a retired Air Force vet, said, “Me? I’d like to die in a jet fighter going Mach 1!”

Impish and Paul then looked at Lethal, seeing if the old Celt could outdo those grand death wishes.

“Me?” Lethal finally said, “I’d like to be shot!”

“Shot?!” said the other two, nearly in unison. “But why?!”

“…by a jealous husband,” Lethal continued.

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The Male’s Stages of Life

(Later on the Female’s)

Drinking

17 – beer
25 – imported beer
35 – vodka
48 – scotch
66 – Maalox

Seduction Line

17 – My parents are away for the weekend.
25 – My girlfriend is away for the weekend.
35 – My fiancée is away for the weekend.
48 – My wife is away for the weekend.
66 – My second wife is dead.

Favorite Sport

17 – sex
25 – sex
35 – sex
48 – sex
66 – napping

Drug

17 – pot
25 – coke
35 – money
48 – power
66 – Viagra

Definition of a Successful Date

17 – “tongue”
25 – “breakfast”
35 – “She didn’t set back my therapy.”
48 – “I didn’t have to meet her kids.”
66 – “Got home alive.”

Favorite Fantasy

17 – getting to third
25 – airplane sex
35 – ménage a trios
48 – taking the company public
66 – Swiss maid

House Pet

17 – roaches
25 – stoned-out college roommate
35 – black lab
48 – children from his first marriage
66 – dust bunnies

What’s the Ideal Age to Get Married?

17 – 25
25 – 35
35 – 48
48 – 66
66 – 17

Ideal Date

17 – Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in
25 – “Split the check before we go back to my place.”
35 – “Just come over.”
48 – “Just come over and cook.”
66 – “Come over and watch Star Trek re-runs.”

Import of wasting time

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James Gandolfini (1961 – 2013) was Tony Soprano, the unofficial boss of the New Jersey family highlighted in the hit television show The Sopranos. Marlon Brando (1924 – 2004) was Don Vito Corleone, the head of the most powerful mafia family in New York City in the popular film trilogy, The Godfather. But do you know them well enough to tell who said what? Take our quiz and find out!

http://www.legacy.com/news/did-you-know/who-said-it-tony-soprano-or-don-corleone/2352/

You’re favorite Leprechaun ( I AM your favorite Leprechaun RIGHT?!) must be mobbed up because I got 9/10 only missing #8. To be honest I’ve never see a single episode of The Sopranos, but I’ve seen every Godfather movie end to end at least 3 times and a few of them more.

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We know! We know! OH HOW we know!

Bryan Adams – Summer of 69

 

Impish walked into a jeweler’s shop one Friday, with a beautiful young blonde on his side.

“I’m looking for a very special ring for my girlfriend,” he said.

The jeweler looks through his stock, and takes out an outstanding ring priced at $5,000.
“I don’t think you understand,” Impish tells the salesman. “I want something really unique,” says the man.

At that, the excited jeweler goes and gets his special stock from the safe.
“Here’s one stunning ring at $45,000,” he says, dollar signs in his eyes.

The girl’s eyes sparkled, and the Impish said that he would take it, adding “I’ll pay by check, but of course you and the bank will want to make sure that everything is in order. So I’ll write the check, you can phone the bank, and then I’ll fetch the ring on Monday.”

Monday morning a very angry jeweler phones the Impish. “You bastard!!! You lied!! There’s no money at all in that account!”
“I know,” said our Dragon, “I’m very sorry — but can you imagine what a fantastic weekend I had?”

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Baked Pumpkin Doughnuts

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Prep Time: 10 mins

Total Time: 20 mins

Serves: 12, Yield: 12 Doughnuts

 

Ingredients

Doughnuts

  • 2 cups all-purpose flour
  • 1/2 cup packed brown sugar
  • 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
  • 1 1/2 teaspoons pumpkin pie spice ( 3/4 tsp cinnamon + 1/4 tsp cloves + 1/4 tsp ginger + 1/4 tsp nutmeg)
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt
  • 1/4 teaspoon baking soda
  • 1/2 cup canned pumpkin
  • 2 eggs
  • 1/4 cup milk
  • 1/4 cup butter or 1/4 cup margarine, softened

    Icing

  • 1 cup powdered sugar, sifted
  • 1/4 teaspoon vanilla
  • 4 -5 teaspoons milk

    Directions

  • FOR DOUGHNUTS: In a medium mixing bowl stir together flour, brown sugar, baking powder, pumpkin pie spice (or individual spices), salt, and baking soda.
  • Add pumpkin, eggs, milk, and butter, or margarine; beat with an electric mixer on low speed till mixed.
  • Spoon the mixture into a pastry bag fitted with a large star tip with a 1/2-inch opening.
  • Pipe onto 2 greased baking sheets in 3-inch circles.
  • Bake in a preheated 375 degrees F oven for 10- 12 minutes, or till golden brown.
  • Cool doughnuts on a rack.
  • FOR ICING: In a small mixing bowl stir together powdered sugar and vanilla.
  • Stir in enough milk to make a smooth icing of glazing consistency.
  • place rack with doughnuts over waxed paper.
  • Brush icing over doughnuts with pastry brush, or spoon over surface.

     

    Bacon-Cheese Pull Apart

    Each bite is filled with breakfast flavors! You can taste the bacon, cheese, mushroom and green-onion flavors. Originally, this was a Pillsbury Bake-Off 41 (Hollywood,2004) recipe submitted by Terri Barton of Salt Lake, Utah. It has been noted that this dish should be used as a side to breakfast or brunch unless you increase the amounts of eggs bacon mushrooms and cheese.

  • Prep Time: 15 mins
  • Total Time: 45 mins

    Servings: 8 (as a side 6 as a main dish)

     

    Ingredients

  • 1 egg
  • 2 tablespoons milk
  • 1 (16 1/3 ounce) cans pillsbury original flaky refrigerated biscuits
  • 4 -6 slices crispy bacon, cooked and broken into 1/2-inch pcs
  • 4 ounces shredded cheddar cheese
  • 1 (4 ounce) can mushroom pieces
  • 1/4 cup finely chopped green onion, both green and white parts ( 4 medium)
  • cooking spray

    Directions

  • Preheat oven to 350°F.
  • Spray 11×7″ or 12×8″ (2 quart) glass baking dish, with cooking spray.
  • In a large bowl, beat egg and milk with wire whisk until smooth.
  • Separate dough into 8 biscuits; cut into quarters.
  • Gently stir biscuit pieces into egg mixture to coat evenly.
  • Fold in bacon, cheese, mushrooms and onions.
  • Spoon mixture into sprayed dish; arrange biscuit pieces in a single layer.
  • Bake for 23-28 minutes or until golden brown.
  • Cut into squares or just pull-apart.
  • Serve warm.

    To make it a main dish I’d go with a glass 9×13” pan 6 eggs an addition one of the smaller tubes of biscuits, 10 slices of bacon or a mixture of bacon & either cooked ham or brown & serve sausages chopped up and 8 oz of mushrooms (which personally I’d cook in some of the bacon grease with garlic. I’d also consider sautéing some spinach until it was excess moisture free for inclusion or possibly some fresh or frozen chopped broccoli

    The Mason Jar Blender Trick: Do You Know About This?

    Sometimes there are kitchen tips that float around on the Internet for years before you bump into them. Sometimes those tips are potentially life-changing. Like this one: did you know that a standard mason jar can be used in place of the pitcher on most blenders? What the what?

    If you unscrew the base from your blender pitcher, you’ll see that the blade fits perfectly onto a standard (not wide-mouth) mason jar and the base screws on to hold it securely. Fit it onto the blender and blend away!

    There’s a lot of to love about this easy trick. If you’re blending a smoothie, you can drink directly from the jar or put on a lid and take it on the go. I also like the idea of making a few smoothie kits in jars and keeping them in the refrigerator for quick blending in the morning. You can also use jars for blending spices or nuts and even store them in the jar after blending. It basically turns your blender into a DIY Magic Bullet — and saves you from doing a few dishes. Win-win!

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  • How cool would it be if this ran Impish over instead of a bus?! Can you imagine his shock when he looked up to see what hit him?

    Zac Brown Band – Toes

    The Female’s Stages of Life

    Drinking

    17 – Wine Coolers
    25 – White wine
    35 – Red wine
    48 – Dom Perignon
    66 – Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser

    Excuses for Refusing Dates

    17 – Need to wash my hair
    25 – Need to wash and condition my hair
    35 – Need to color my hair
    48 – Need to have Francois color my hair
    66 – Need to have Francois color my wig

    Favorite Sport

    17 – shopping
    25 – shopping
    35 – shopping
    48 – shopping
    66 – shopping

    Drug

    17 – daddy’s credit card
    25 – boyfriend’s credit card
    35 – husband’s credit card
    48 – boss’s credit card
    66 – Viagra

    Definition of a Successful Date

    17 – “Burger King”
    25 – “Free meal”
    35 – “A diamond”
    48 – “A bigger diamond”
    66 – “Home Alone”

    Favorite Fantasy

    17 – tall, dark and handsome
    25 – tall, dark and handsome with money
    35 – tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain
    48 – a man with hair
    66 – a man

    House Pet

    17 – Muffy the cat
    25 – Unemployed boyfriend
    35 – Irish setter
    48 – Children from his first marriage
    66 – Semi-starving guard dog

    What’s the Ideal Age to Get Married?

    17 – 17
    25 – 25
    35 – 35
    48 – 48
    66 – 66

    Ideal Date

    17 – He offers to pay
    25 – He pays
    35 – He cooks breakfast the next morning
    48 – He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids
    66 – He can chew breakfast

     

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    Summer is here and you know what that means:
    It’s time to ship old fat & lazy Impish off to summer  fat reduction & exercise camp while I try and momentarily reclaim some of the freedom and peace of mind I had before  he came into my Law Office and lied to us when he told the Firm, “Well, I’ve got some good news.”

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  • The waterfront area had been featured on The Discovery Channel’s Shark Week.
  • For the sixth year in a row, there’s been a measles outbreak at Camp Jenny McCarthy.
  • Their idea of “s’mores” are melted chewing gum and Ex-Lax squares sandwiched between two saltines.
  • He’s not leaving unless President Obama releases more of his fellow detainees.

    And the Number One Sign Impish is at a Bad Summer Camp…

  • Three words: Soylent Green S’mores.

     

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    Sniff…sniff God Ronnie I miss you!

    Mungo Jerry – In The Summertime ORIGINAL 1970

     

    Wives Are Always Looking Out for Us

    Impish got home real late last night after a full day of burning and pillaging with the guys, and his wife left a message in the kitchen:

    Impish wasn’t sure what to make of it but I got her message loud and clear!

    …she wants him to make a fruit salad.

    Bless her heart!

    motivate-pics13

    Kenny Chesney & Uncle Cracker – When The Sun Goes Down

     

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  • About lethalleprechaun

    I believe in being the kind of man who, when my feet touch the floor in the morn', causes the Devil to say "BUGGER ME! HIMSELF IS UP!" ======== I'm a White Married Heterosexual who fervently believes in the war(s) we are fighting, the Second Amendment which I plan on defending with my last breath and my last round of ammunition as well as Arizona's stringent law on Immigration and the need for the border wall. I'm a right of center Con-centrist with Tea Party & Republican sympathies who drives an SUV. I am a Life Time Member of the NRA, a Charter Member of the Patriots' Border Alliance and North American Hunters Association. If there is a season for it and I can shoot one I'll eat it and proudly wear its fur. I believe PETA exists solely to be a forum for Gays, Vegetarians, Hollywood snobbery to stupid to get into politics and Soybean Growers. The ACLU stopped protecting our civil liberties sometime after the 1960s and now serves its own bigoted headline grabbing agenda much in the same way as the Southern Poverty Law Center. I am ecstatic that WE the PEOPLE finally got mad enough to rise up and take back the Government from WE the ENTITLED and reverently wish the Liberals would just get over the loss and quit whining/protesting all the time. After all they're just reaping what they've sown. I am Pro-choice both when it comes to the issue of abortion AND school prayer. I believe in a government for the people, by the people which represents and does the people's will. Therefore I an Pro States rights and mandatory term limits but against special interest group campaign contributions and soft money. I think that sports teams who allow their players to sit or take a knee during the National Anthem should be boycotted until the message is received that this is not acceptable behavior for role models for children. I believe Congressional salaries should be voted on bi-annually by the people they represent and not by themselves. I think Congress should be subject to every law they pass on the populace including any regarding Social Security or Healthcare. Speaking of the Healthcare bill (or con job as I see it) I hope Trump will overturn it and set things back to normal. I oppose the building of an Mosque or ANY Islamic center at or within a 10 mile radius of Ground Zero in New York. I will fight those in favor of this until hell freezes over and then I will continue to fight it hand to hand on the ice. Further I think the ban on immigrants from certain nations known to harbor and promote terrorism is a justified measure, at least until we can come up with better methods of vetting and tracking those non citizens we allow in the country. We did not inflict this measure on them those who refuse to point out, denounce or fight radical religious terrorism brought this upon themselves.
    This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

    2 Responses to Leprechaun Laughs # 252 for Wednesday June 25th 2014

    1. Mike says:

      Oh Hell, Mungo Jerry?
      Blew me away!!
      Great Issue.
      Made my week.
      Thanks

      • lethalleprechaun says:

        Thanks for the comments and thumbs up on the music Mike. Maybe I’ll keep putting a couple in far a few issues then.

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