Good Morning Campers,

It’s a big week in football this weekend.  Both of my teams have made it into the playoffs, although both of them are almost assuredly going to NOT get a bye and have to play in the wildcard weekend.  But, that just makes for some exciting football watching over the next couple of weeks.

Today’s issue is chock full of fun stuff.  Since it’s Christmas week, there isn’t a lot of commentary involved in todays issue, which I’m sure most of you are quite thankful for, but I’m sure that most of you will find plenty to keep you entertained with.

It is quiet around here this morning, with most of the Christmas parties finally breaking up last night.  If you see either of the two girls wondering around you might address them quite quietly since they were both partying hard with us mythological creatures right up to the end.  I’m relatively sure that Ginny, with her more hardy New Jersey upbringing, has fared a bit better than Diaman’s more reserved one.  This may quite well have been just another normal week for Ginny.  Although I believe she may be walking a bit, shall we say, bow-legged after I saw her last night flirting with one of the, um…more stout mythical creatures that hang around here. 

On the other hand, I’m not exactly sure where Diaman ended up, but in my own drunken stupor, I seem to recall something warm and snuggly curled up under one of my wings.  Not sure since they weren’t there this morning when I finally dragged my butt (yes, my ass is dragon) (Okay, so I’m sorry.  It’s a little too early for crappy puns) out of my lair this morning.

I really need to get my second pot of coffee in me before I’m going to be worth a damn, if that ever even happens today, so I’ll let you guys get started on the issue and catch up with you before the end.

 

Thanks to the Owl for this next really bad groaner.

 

Damn!  I missed out on asking Santa for one of these.  Now I have to wait until next year to ask.

 

I’m pretty sure the girls made this right outside the door where the party was at last night, just to screw with us who were too drunk to think straight.

 

Here’s another one of those things that I need to get!!!

 

I’ve raised a boy, and I was a boy and I have had 3 (younger) brothers…so I can attest to the truth of the following statements:

Raising Boys

a) For those with no children – this is totally hysterical!

b) For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.

c) For those who have children this age, this is not funny.

d) For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.

e) For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.

The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas…

Things I’ve learned from my Boys (honest and not kidding):

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3.) A 3-year old Boy’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20×20 ft. room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way

6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words “uh oh”, it’s already too late.

8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.

10.) Certain Lego’s will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old boy.

11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12.) Super glue is forever.

13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can’t walk on water.

14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15.) VCR’s do not eject “PB & J” sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

25.) Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.

 

 

Notable Quotes about women and marriage

 

 

 

 

One evening an avid bird watcher stood in his backyard and heard an owl hoot. So he thought he’d give a hoot back. To his surprise and delight, the bird hooted again. The next night the same scenario occurred.

All summer, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. He even kept a log of the “conversations.”

Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in inter species communication, his wife, had a chat with her next door neighbor.

“My husband spends his nights calling to owls,” the wife commented.

“That’s odd,” the neighbor replied. “So does my husband.”

Then it dawned on them…

 

 

 

and gosh

all I can do is ask.

 

 

 

 

Deanna Favre

In a recent news conference, Deanna Favre announced that she will be the starting Quarterback for the Green Bay Packers football team next season.

 

With Lethal and his buses, I’m pretty sure it’s trying to run me over!

 

Damn!  That’s gonna leave a mark!

 

 

We do these special Public Service Announcements every-now-and-then but when we do, you really need to pay attention.  So, put down the coffee for a second and listen up.

With Christmas having just passed and the probability of at least one of you getting one of these as a gift, Lethal sent me this article with the suggestion I run it today.  So here it is:

Keurig recalls nearly 7 million coffee makers

Water can overheat and spray during brewing, causing burns

So, check it out my friends.

 

I’m gonna go with too cheesy…but, she probably said yes.  Lots of girls seem to like this sort of schmaltz. 

 

This next one was sent in by my dad, Papa Dragon Most Senior.  It is a real winner.  Here’s what he had to say about it: 

Well said, sir!  Well said!  You are receiving a standing ovation from many of us out here who are seeing it on video, rather than live.  It’s about time somebody stood up and said something.

It may not look EXACTLY like my coffee mug, but mine has the exact same alignment marks on it.  What does my current mug look like?  Here it is:

Got this as a gift.  I like it a lot.  I drink out of it all the time.  I know.  It’s almost a bit cannibalistic, like how many humans do you know who drink out of a human shaped coffee mug, but still.  I like it a lot.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hey!  That looks like the exact same model.  Well, I’ll be.

 

 

 

Oh Gawd!  That was awful!

 

 

 

I’m not sure that there is anyone out there who doesn’t know that this dragon is a huge Green Bay Packer fan.  Have been since I was just a little lizard and I read a biography on Bart Starr.  Well, my dad sent me this very interesting article that I’m going to share with you.

By the way…I’m also a Colts fan, but I have to be.  It’s a requirement to live in Indiana.

This was in the Desert News, the Salt Lake City newspaper. 

Maybe the only truly romantic thing left in American sports:

The Green Bay Packers!

Seriously, America , what’s not to like about the Green Bay Packers?  What’s not to like about a small-town team that is not only surviving, but thriving in the billion-dollar business of professional football?  There is nothing like them in professional sports.

Think about what an oddity they are. Teams have come and gone in the NFL in a continuous game of musical chairs.

– the Baltimore Colts moved to Indianapolis ,

– the Cleveland Browns to Baltimore,

– the Oakland Raiders to L.A. and back to Oakland ,

– the Cardinals from Chicago to St. Louis to Phoenix,

– the Los Angeles Rams to St. Louis.

But the Packers have stayed in tiny Green Bay, Wis. since their birth in 1919.

America ‘s second biggest city, Los Angeles, with a population of 4 million, doesn’t even have a franchise, but Green Bay, with a population of 101,000, does! It’s like plunking down a team in the middle of Sandy, Utah.

They are the smallest market in pro sports. Green Bay ‘s metro area – if you stretch the definition of “metro” – is 283,000.
Buffalo, the next smallest in sports, has 1.1 million.

New York City has 8.5 million in the city limits alone, 19 million in the metro area.

What’s not to like about a team that was dreamed up during a street-corner conversation one day?

Curly Lambeau, a former Green Bay prep star and Notre Dame football player, hatched the idea and convinced his employer, the Indian Packing Company, to buy uniforms and provide a practice field.  In turn, the team called itself the Packers.

Lambeau was the team’s first star player (for 11 years) and its first coach (for 30 years) and – you’ve got to like this – he pioneered the forward pass in the NFL.

What’s not to like about the last small-town survivor of the National Football League?  In the early ’20s, the fledgling NFL consisted almost entirely of small-town teams like Green Bay. the Decatur Staleys, Akron Pros, Canton Bulldogs, Muncie Flyers, Rochester Jeffersons, Rock Island Independents.

But as the league turned fully to professionalism, those teams either folded or moved to big cities for bigger profits.

Green Bay found a way to keep the Packers – the community bought them .

What’s not to like about a team that is owned by its fans? The Packers are the only publicly owned team in professional sports. There’s no Jerry Jones, George Steinbrenner or Daniel Snyder in Green Bay. The other teams have one very rich, often reviled, owner; the Packers have 112,000 shareholders or 112,000 Monday-morning quarterbacks who are legally entitled to kibbitz.

They’ve rescued the team from financial hardship four times – in 1923, ’35, ’50 and ’97. Without them, the team simply would not exist.

What’s not to like about this team? Apparently, not much.

Despite their small-town roots – or perhaps because of it – they have courted a world-wide following.  According to a 2010 Harris poll, the Packers are still the third most popular team in the country, 40 years after their glory years.

Someone once asked the late former NFL commissioner Pete Rozelle to name the best football city in America . ” Green Bay ,” he replied. “A small town. People owning their own football team. Rabid supporters.”

The Packers have one of the longest waiting lists for season tickets in pro sports, some 80,000 deep (Lambeau Field seats only 78,000).  The average wait for season tickets is estimated to be 30 years, but if you added your name to the list now you probably wouldn’t get tickets in your lifetime.

Packer fans are known to leave season tickets in their wills or to place newborn babies on the waiting list. Packer games have been sold out since 1960.  “I’m a ‘green and gold’ season ticket holder and have some voting stock in the team,” explains Walt Mehr, a Utah resident who grew up in Eagle River, Wis., just north of Green Bay.  “It took me 23 years to get season tickets.

We have a big shareholders meeting in July and vote. We were involved with remodeling of the stadium. As season-ticket holders we had to put up money for that – $5,000. My tickets are in my will.”

It’s every fan’s dream – they get to help run the team.. You’ve got to like that.

What’s not to like about a team that has been an almost mythical force since joining the NFL in 1921?

They’ve won 13 championships – nine NFL titles in the pre-Super Bowl era, and four Super Bowls – and no one else is close to matching them.  They won the first two Super Bowls . They won five championships in seven years during the ’60s. They’re the only team that’s ever won three in a row.

The city’s nickname is “Titletown.”

Their coach’s name is on the Super Bowl Trophy.

They have 21 Hall of Famers, second only to the Chicago Bears.

They are a team of legends – Starr, Nitschke, Taylor, Lombardi, Davis, Hornung, Kramer, Gregg, Hutson, Lambeau, Favre.

What’s not to like about a team that is so entrenched in the community in such a personal way? It’s big-time football in a small-town way that has been lost as the NFL has grown.

This is the town that spawned the Lambeau Leap – players leaping into the arms of fans behind the end zone after a touchdown, a routine that has since been adopted throughout the league.  It symbolizes the close connection between the team and the fans, like so many other things.

Green Bay ‘s stadium is bordered by the back yards of middle-class neighborhoods. The players live in regular neighborhoods, with the fans.  “Unlike the other NFL cities, where players can live in mansions away from the masses, Green Bay has no real ‘affluent’ suburbs,” says Vai Sikahema, a former Packer and BYU player.  “And because of the frigid weather, everyone had second homes in warmer places. So the players lived in modest homes in regular neighborhoods.”

“Playing for the Packers and living in Green Bay is generally the way it was in the ’60’s when Vince Lombardi lived there.  The house we rented was rented by a host of former Packers, dating back to the great running back Jim Taylor.  “Another player rented a home once lived in by Bart Starr . That creates this extra unique bond with the fan base.

On Tuesdays, our day off, we’d walk our children to the bus stop and all the dads would go in late so they could walk their own kids and talk football with us at the bus stop.  My wife had play dates with regular moms on our street, as opposed to the closed, elitist ‘wives club’ on other teams.”

There is a tradition in Green Bay that has received considerable publicity over the years. Kids wait for Packer players outside the locker room and often use their bikes to ride to the practice field. The kids hold the players’ helmets and jog alongside the players as they ride the kids’ bikes to practice. Who couldn’t like that?  “I was one of those kids who ran next to a player while he rode my bike to the practice field from the locker room,” says Mark Stimpson, a Salt Lake resident who grew up in Green Bay.  “We did it every day during the summer. I had a metallic green stingray bike. I’d wait by the locker room. The player would hand me his helmet. The players wouldn’t pedal the bikes. They were too big.   They’d just stick their legs out and coast because it’s a down-hill walk to the field. We’d talk to them while we walked beside them.  Then, during practice we’d watch the guy who rode our bike. It was a fun time. The players were great to us.”

Sikahema remembers the bike routine, as well. “The bikes are one of those unique things in Green Bay that allow fans, especially kids, to get to know the players in a personal way,” he says. “I stayed in touch with the kid whose bike I used through his college years and his wedding. He’s now in his mid-30s. His name is Aaron Smet.  When I was there, a bunch of poor kids didn’t have bikes to lend to the players and (teammate) Sterling Sharpe had Wal-Mart deliver to the complex a tractor trailer full of bikes that he gave away to less fortunate kids.”

Stimpson recalls seeing Willie Wood , Ray Nitschke , Elijah Pitts and Bart Starr around town when he was a kid. The Packers were one of them.  His sister, Mary Nelson, babysat for reserve quarterback Zeke Bratkowski.” Zeke lived around the corner from us,” says Nelson. “After the games some of the players would come over to Zeke’s house.  I got to meet Bart Starr, Jerry Kramer and Max McGee and their wives. Every time I baby sat Zeke’s kids he would walk me home.”

What’s not to like about a town that is all about its team? Green Bay businesses are Packer themed.

The streets are named after Packers – Lombardi, Ray Nitschke, Brett Favre, Mike Holmgren, Don Hutson, Reggie White, Bart Starr, Tony Canadeo.  Even the official Green Bay website is all about the local football team.

The town shuts down during games; churches schedule around the Packers, then open their parking lots for Packer fans. “The streets are empty during the games,” says Stimpson.  “When I was a boy I could ride my bike down the middle of the street because there was no traffic.”

What’s not to like about a team that won the Ice Bowl, one of the greatest games ever played?

It was the 1967 NFL Championship game in Green Bay, and the temperature was minus-13 degrees , with a wind-chill hovering around 50 below.  Rick Delacenserie, who grew up in the Green Bay area and now lives in Park City, watched the Packer practices as a boy and witnessed the Ice Bowl from the same end zone where Starr scored the game-winning touchdown.  “I spent most of the third quarter in the bathroom,” he recalls. “It was packed in there. Everyone was trying to get warm. Someone brought a hacksaw and cut up the goal posts.  All I got was some of the foam they wrapped around the post.” You’ve got to love a team that inspires fans to brave sub-zero weather.

After the Super Bowl victory that followed the Ice Bowl , the Packers went into decline for 25 years until the Favre years arrived in the early ’90s , the Packers still inspired fierce loyalty and love.

“The only thing you can see on the horizon is Lambeau Field ,” says Mehr, who pauses to choke back tears before continuing. “I get chills when I see it. On a beautiful clear day, omigosh.”

For his part, Stimpson left home decades ago to attend BYU and settle in Utah . He doesn’t follow sports as he once did, and the game has changed, and yet he still says this: “The Packers are so much a part of you. The Packers still have a certain pull. They always will.” You’ve got to like that!
I hope you enjoyed reading a little bit about my favorite team.  If you’re a Packers fan, let me hear from you.  Until next time…

As you get off the elevator you can hear the sounds of a festive holiday party in full swing. Christmas carols and music, people chatting happily. Scents of hot mulled cider and cocoa attack your olfactory senses only as a prelude to the real attack of the scents of hot freshly baked Christmas cookies in multiple  varieties. More traditional non food holiday smells of pine holly & peppermint round out this sensory assault assisted by the visuals of pine boughs lights and other Christmas decorations.

As you enter the Conference Room you see the common seating bench are pushed up against the walls to make room for the party. Many of Impish & Lethal’s Corporate Staff seem to have been invited. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday & Friday the 5 sisters who keep the Corporations Administrative functions running smoothly are decked out in barely not Naughty Santa’s Helpers velvet costumes and seem to be causing the rather large fellow in the corner with the impressive white beard quite a bit of distraction. This to the obvious consternation of Ginny & Diaman who are both perched in his lap and continually wiggling in it to regain his attention.

Mistletoe abound and most of those present seem to be making good use of it. Notably Impish seems absent from the party, something nearly unprecedented. Despite this incongruity all seem to be having a great time.

As you enter Lethal from the stage spots the signal from a drone at the door that finally all are assembled. He places his noggin of mulled cider on the podium inserts 2 finger in the corners of his mouth and lets loose with a surprisingly loud and sharp 2 note whistle. Heads turn in his direction an the chatter drops off.

“Tis glad I am to see you all making Merry, but I would remind you she does have an important job here and a husband to get back to (chuckling from the crowd can be heard).

I’d like to take this opportunity to wish you all ‘Nollaig Shona Duit’ or Happy Christmas to one and all. Though Impish couldn’t be with us at the one set of the issue  due to a conflicting annual event he’ll join us hopefully before the end of the issue to provide his (monitored) thoughts on the holiday.

It’s a giant sized issue, so best we get going. Eat Drink and make Merry, but only to excess. Enjoy.

OK so I know this is supposed to be a dignified but festive time. Therefore I have been trying to show more class than is our usual wont ( HEY! I said trying!) during the holiday season. However there is another important observance to be made this day so I have elected to have in effect two separate openings to the issue. This will hopefully serve to separate the debauchery usually associated with one celebration from the solemnity and class of the holidays so that both maybe enjoyed w/o reflecting on each other in any negative connotation. SO without further preamble let me just say….

Whoops! [Lethal appears to actually be blushing a darker shade of green than is his normal hue] Looks like we caught Impish opening one of his presents a tad early! Guess them little blue pills work even for Dragons. Good thing because pharmaceuticals are non returnable. See pal I told you I wouldn’t let anyone have reason to start calling you Limpish Dragon, even if you ARE getting up there in years.

Well Happy Birthday anyway my friend!

Ok lets restart the issue shall we? Nope wait… Got this one other bit of mirth that’s definitely naughty and not nice so lets getter done right here.

Even Santa Poops

 

OK. NOW that we’ve got THAT stinker out of the way… let’s restart the issue shall we? Hopefully Impish can finish up his impromptu little blue pill powered birthday partying and join us before the end of the issue.

 

There! That’s more solemn and dignified like! Before we go any further I’m informed by our legal department that the PC Police and the liberals have caught up with a favorite old classic of mine:

Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a certain improved piece of real property  (hereinafter “the House”) a general lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not limited to a mouse.

A variety of foot apparel, e.g. stocking, socks, etc., had  been affixed by and around the chimney in said House in  the hope and/or belief that St. Nick a/k/a/ St. Nicholas  a/k/a/ Santa Claus (hereinafter “Claus”) would arrive at  sometime thereafter.

The minor residents, i.e. the children, of the aforementioned House were located in their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal hallucinations, i.e. dreams, wherein vision of confectionery treats, including, but not limited to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance, cavort and otherwise appear in said dreams.

Whereupon the party of the first part (sometimes hereinafter referred to as “I”), being the joint-owner in  fee simple of  the House with the parts of the second part (hereinafter “Mamma”), and said Mamma had  retired for a sustained period of sleep. (At such time, the parties were clad in various forms of headgear, e.g. kerchief and cap.)

Suddenly, and without prior notice or warning, there did  occur upon the unimproved real property adjacent and  appurtenant to said House, i.e. the lawn, a certain disruption of unknown nature, cause and/or circumstance. The party of the first part did immediately rush to a window in the House the investigate the cause of such disturbance.

At that time, the party of the first part did observe, with  some degree of wonder and/or disbelief, a miniature sleigh (hereinafter “the Vehicle”) being pulled and/or drawn very  rapidly through the air by  approximately eight (8) reindeer.  The driver of  the Vehicle appeared to be and in fact was, the previously referenced Claus.

Said Claus was providing specific direction, instruction  and guidance to the approximately eight (8) reindeer and  specifically identified the animal co-conspirators by name:

Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen,  Comet, Cupid, Donner  and Blitzen (hereinafter “the Deer”). (Upon information and belief, it is further asserted that an additional co-conspirator named “Rudolph” may have been involved.)

The party of the first part witnessed Claus, the Vehicle and the Deer intentionally and willfully trespass  upon the roofs of several residences located adjacent to and in the vicinity of the House, and noted that the  Vehicle was heavily laden with packages, toys and other items of unknown origin or nature. Suddenly, without prior invitation or permission, either express or implied, the Vehicle arrived at the House, and  Claus entered said House via the chimney.

Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit, which was partially  covered with residue from the chimney, and he carried a large sack containing a portion of the aforementioned packages, toys, and other unknown items.  He was smoking what appeared to be tobacco in a small pipe in blatant violation of local ordinances and  health regulations.

Claus did not speak, but immediately began to fill the stocking of  the minor children, which hung adjacent to the chimney, with toys and other small gifts. (Said items did not, however, constitute “gifts” to said  minor pursuant to the applicable provisions of the U.S. Tax Code.)

Upon completion of such task, Claus touched the side of his nose and flew, rose and/or ascended up the chimney of the House to the roof where the Vehicle and Deer waited and/or served as “lookouts.” Claus immediately departed for an unknown destination.

However, prior to the departure of the Vehicle, Deer and  Claus from said House, the party of the first part did hear Claus state and/or exclaim: “Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!”

Or words to that effect.

Respectfully Submitted,

Lethal Leprechaun Esq. Attny. at Con & Legalized Crime
Managing Partner Dewy, Cheatum & Howe

Band Aid 30 – Do They Know It’s Christmas? (2014)

For the forgotten

 

In a small Southern town there was a “Nativity Scene” that showed   great skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature  bothered me. The three wise men were wearing firemen’s helmets.  Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left.

At a “Quick Stop” on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, “You Yankees never do read the Bible!” I assured her that I did, but simply couldn’t recall anything about firemen in the Bible. She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in my face she said

“See, it says right here,  ‘The three wise man came from afar.'”

A Christmas Version of Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah that will Give You Chills!

The Lyrics, incase you couldn’t quite understand them all:

I’ve heard about this baby boy
Who’s come to earth to bring us joy
And I just want to sing this song to you
It goes like this, the fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
With every breath I’m singing Hallelujah
Hallelujah

A couple came to Bethlehem
Expecting child, they searched the inn
To find a place for You were coming soon
There was no room for them to stay
So in a manger filled with hay
God’s only Son was born, oh Hallelujah
Hallelujah

The shepherds left their flocks by night
To see this baby wrapped in light
A host of angels led them all to You
It was just as the angels said
You’ll find Him in a manger bed
Immanuel and Savior, Hallelujah
Hallelujah

A star shown bright up in the east
To Bethlehem, the wisemen three
Came many miles and journeyed long for You
And to the place at which You were
Their frankincense and gold and myrrh
They gave to You and cried out Hallelujah
Hallelujah

I know You came to rescue me
This baby boy would grow to be
A man and one day die for me and you
My sins would drive the nails in You
That rugged cross was my cross, too
Still every breath You drew was Hallelujah
Hallelujah

The hallway with holly is hung,
The carols by choruses sung.
The tree is alight
To brighten the night
As the church bells are joyfully rung!
 
There was a young Christmas time elf
Who greatly admired himself
He climbed up a tree
A fairy to see
But fell down and left with a skelf!
 
A reindeer of Santa’s grew ill
So the vet gave the patient a pill.
His ears went all droopy,
And then he went loopy
So your present is over the hill!
 
May all of your Christmas be very
Much more than regular merry.
Though merry is good
There are times when you should
Find more ‘neath the mistletoe berry!
 
From out of the bright starry dome
Your Santa descends to your home.
He’s read what you wrote
In your “Please, Santa” note.
And your present’s been packed by your gnome!

The Top 5 Celebrity Secret Santa Gifts

1. Marvin Lewis to Johnny Manziel: Platform spikes
2. President Obama to President Putin: A shirt
3. Jennifer Aniston to Brad Pitt: A framed copy of the hacked Sony email that calls Angelina “minimally talented.”
4. Steve Ballmer to Donald Sterling: Season tickets to the Lakers

And the Number One Celebrity Secret Santa Gift…

1. Mitch McConnell to Ted Cruz: A freaking clue

Merry Christmas Impish my friend.

Rosemary-Orange Shortbread

 

• Makes: 18 servings
• Serving Size: 1 triangle
• Carb Grams Per Serving: 10

 

 

Ingredients

• 1 1/4 cups flour
• 3 tablespoons sugar*
• 2 teaspoons finely snipped fresh rosemary
• 1 teaspoon finely shredded orange peel
• 1/4 cup chilled butter, cut up
• 1/4 cup chilled tub-style vegetable oil spread
• 1 ounce white baking chocolate, melted

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees F. In a large bowl whisk together flour, sugar, rosemary, and orange peel. Using a pastry blender, cut in butter and vegetable oil spread until mixture resembles fine crumbs and starts to cling. Using your hands, knead the mixture for several minutes until smooth; form into a ball.
2. Shape into a 9-inch square, using a rolling pin to flatten to approximately 1/8-inch thickness. Cut square into nine equal squares. Cut each square diagonally in half to form two triangles. Separate and transfer to a cookie sheet.
3. Bake about 12 minutes or until bottoms of triangles are starting to brown. Transfer cookies to a wire rack and cool completely. Drizzle tops with white chocolate and let stand until set. Makes 18 (1 triangle each) servings.

Tip

• *Sugar Substitutes: Choose from Splenda Granular or Sweet’N Low bulk or packets. Follow package directions to use product amount equivalent to 3 tablespoons sugar.
• *Sugar Substitutes: Per Serving with Substitute: Same as above, except 83 cal., 8 g carb.

Nutrition Facts Per Serving:

Servings Per Recipe: 18
PER SERVING: 90 cal., 5 g total fat (2 g sat. fat), 7 mg chol., 37 mg sodium, 10 g carb. (3 g sugars), 1 g pro.

 

Diabetic Exchanges

Other Carb (d.e): 0.5; Fat (d.e): 1;

 

 

Orla Fallon- God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen

 

Flash back to 5 best toys of the ’80s

Depending on your choice of terminology, the ’80s were either “awesome”, “radical”, or “gnarly.” Of course, it needn’t be an all or nothing thing — the decade could easily be described as all three things.

And one of the best things about growing up in the ’80s, to quote the Joker from 1989’s “Batman,” were “All those wonderful toys.”

Sure, the ’70s gave us such great playthings as Stretch Armstrong and the Big Wheel, but stuff really got exciting in the 1980s. Toys became so much more than the one-note Lincoln Logs, Tiddlywinks, or any of those other crummy toys our parents were raised on.

Let’s take a look at some of the decade’s toy awesomeness, and we’ll start with the biggest dog the decade is proud to call its own ..

No. 5: Rubik’s Cube

You could ask anyone what a Weeble or Hippity Hop are, and some might know the answer, but most wouldn’t. That’s not the case with a Rubik’s Cube.

Everyone knows (and has likely owned) a Rubik’s Cube. The six-color puzzle was created by Hungarian mathematician Erno Rubik and took the world by storm in 1980.

The cube’s sides were twisted to mix up the colors, and then you had to figure out how to rotate the sides to unscramble them. The thing was tough to figure out, but it was easily solved if you knew the secret trick, and here it is: Simply peel off the stickers and then put them back on the correct sides.

That wasn’t so tough now, was it?

While Rubik’s Cube was a solitary game, there were other toys that you could enjoy either by yourself or with your friends …

No. 4: Action figures

Action figures had been around since the 1960s, but had not achieved their peak popularity.

The first action figures that really launched the genre — and it should come as no surprise — were the 3-¾-inch Star Wars action figures, introduced by Kenner in 1978. And it turned out that the furious popularity of Star Wars action figures had primed the action figure pump.

By the ’80s, there were plenty of franchises cranking out their own action figures of the same size.

G.I. Joe, Masters of the Universe, Batman (in a plethora of different costumes), and He-Man. Thought you had them all? Just watch an ’80s Saturday morning cartoon, and they would unabashedly remind you which new ones you needed to convince your parents to buy.

Action figures usually didn’t do much more than hold toy guys, but some action figures took a unique twist (literally) on the genre …

No. 3: Transformers

Whoever thought up Transformers were either geniuses or evil masterminds. These were action figures that could be turned into a car, airplane, boom box (what? A boom box?), whatever, just by flipping and rotating different sections of the Transformer.

And it wasn’t enough to simply have the Transformers change into one thing or another. They came complete with a back story that explained how malevolent Transformers faced off against the heroic Transformers, in some epic tale of good vs. evil.

Many times, however, you were stymied by the Transformer and couldn’t figure the thing out. As a result, you wound up with a third type of Transformer — one that was halfway converted between a robot and a car — and that’s how a lot of them existed, in a partially converted state.

As you can assume, action figures and Transformers were popular with boys, but the girls weren’t left out …

No. 2: The Care Bears

If you had a little sister, chances are there were about a dozen of these things lined up on her bed.

Care Bears had symbols on their tummies that correlated to their name and its particular way of “caring.” For instance, Cheer Bear had a rainbow on its stomach, while Wish Bear sported a shooting star.

The line started with 10 original Care Bears: Bedtime Bear, Birthday Bear, Cheer Bear, Friend Bear, Funshine Bear, Good Luck Bear, Grumpy Bear, Love-A-Lot Bear, Tenderheart Bear and Wish Bear. After a while, more bears were added, as well as their “Cousins” that included lions, rabbits, and dogs.

And, because it was the ’80s, all it took was a little fame for the Care Bears to spawn their own TV show.

The ’80s saw an increase in electronics toys, and by decade’s end we had peaked ..

No. 1: Nintendo Gameboy

Thank God for beginning and end dates. That allows us to include Nintendo’s Gameboy on this list. It was introduced in the last half of 1989, but kept chugging along in popularity well into the ’90s.

Until the Gameboy came out, most handheld games played just a single game — table tennis, baseball, football, you name it. Gameboy wasn’t the first handheld device with games you could swap out, but it did popularize the cartridge format in a handheld device. It had a black and white screen, but that was still high tech for the times.

The thing was awesome. And helping add to its popularity was a surprisingly simple — albeit addicting — game by the name of Tetris. Tetris did more to accelerate the device’s popularity than the sheer coolness of it, itself.

That’s it for our list of the top toys of the ’80s. Now head on up to your attic or down to the basement and see how many of these relics you have laying around.

AH-HA! Messed up meds! THAT’S my problem! I was worried I someone had found a cure for Grinchiness

A Marine’s Christmas Song

Stationed in Afghanistan, 7,000 miles away from home, Master Sgt. Robert Allen wrote a Christmas song for his wife and kids that has sent spirits soaring in tens of thousands of military families all over the world.

 

Allen joins the thousands of men and women deployed this holiday season in support of counterinsurgency efforts in Afghanistan. He said he hopes his Christmas song “will help people understand that though we’re willing to do it, it’s still heartbreaking.” Master Sgt. Robert Allen, Hometown: Pawnee, Okla. Produced by Cpl. Brian Adam Jones, Camp Leatherneck, Afghanistan.

 

Diamen, Ginny I think you can expect visits from the bearded one during his vacation this year. Certain Dragons were bragging while I was out of ear shot and muzzling range about just how naughty you can be.

That’s Christmas To Me – Pentatonix

 

Wonder what they say when the see this sight on Christmas night?

The Meaning of ’12 Days of Christmas’

From 1558 until 1829, Roman Catholics in England were not permitted to practice their faith openly. Someone during that era wrote this carol as a catechism song for young Catholics. It has two levels of meaning: the surface meaning plus a hidden meaning known only to members of their church. Each element in the carol has a code word for a religious reality which the children could remember.

 

1. The partridge in a pear tree was Jesus Christ.
2. Two turtle doves were the Old and New Testaments.
3. Three French hens stood for faith, hope and love.
4. The four calling birds were the four gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.
5. The five golden rings recalled the Torah or Law, the first five books of the Old Testament.
6. The six geese a-laying stood for the six days of creation.
7. Seven swans a-swimming represented the sevenfold gifts of the Holy Spirit: Prophesy, Serving, Teaching, Exhortation, Contribution, Leadership, and Mercy.
8. The eight maids a-milking were the eight beatitudes.
9. Nine ladies dancing were the nine fruits of the Holy Spirit: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self Control.
10. The ten lords a-leaping were the ten commandments.
11. The eleven pipers piping stood for the eleven faithful disciples.
12. The twelve drummers drumming symbolized the twelve points of belief in the Apostles’ Creed.

So there is your history for today.

Kevin Ross- This Is My Wish

 

The music from Today’s issue can be downloaded as MP3s here.

 

The songs are in a compressed file. You’ll need to be able to download it and decompress it your self using a program such as WinRar or 7Zip to access the MP3s.

DO NOT ASK FOR TECHNICAL SUPPORT HELP FROM US!

Those who do will get a decidedly naughty reply full of attitude from Marine Gunnery Sargent Grinch!

 In cutting things to fit the issues several songs got traded around. Some of this week’s songs appeared in last week’s file and a few of last week’s were missing from the file. If you down load last week’s and this week’s you will have them all. I apologies for the confusion.

The links in the December issues to download the music will remain valid until approximately January 7th

A Soldier’s Silent Night (A Soldier’s Night Before Christmas) told by Father Berndt

This has become something of a tradition with me and Christmas issues. Yes it’s important to remember the reason for the season. However it’s just as important to remember those who allow you to be able to publically proclaim the reason for the season in the manner of your religious choice.

Last year someone privately suggested I was an SoB for posting this on Christmas and making people sad and/or cry. To that person and those of like sentiment I said this:

You think it sucks because for minute or two you’re sad and possibly crying from this? Think about those that are 7000 miles from home today and likely as not worrying about getting shot and killed. That is what sucks here. Think about the families of those who are protecting us who’ll be notified that their loved one was kill Christmas Eve or Day. That is what sucks here. The fact they did it to protect your right to express your uncaring ignorant self absorbed opinion is what really sucks here.

 [with editorial commentary by Lethal Leprechaun]

It’s Christmas Eve. [which means you have less than 1 shopping day left before Christmas]

A very special day.  Once a year we celebrate the birth of forgiveness.  The beginning of hope.  We do with this love, laughter and togetherness.  The three attributes that Dragon Laffs and Leprechaun Laughs have espoused from the very beginning.  Live, Love, Laugh.

We throw laughter [and occasionally snarcasm &/or profanity] at the ails and evils of life, we try to bring the joy of childish laughter to all of our loyal friends.  In that regard, the idea of a blue dragon or a green leprechaun playing the part of Santa Claus is no more far fetched than any other idea.  We invite you in to our mythical  [delusional?] world where anything is possible and laughter rules the day, so that you may take that laughter and happiness with you to the real world to defend yourself against the evil bad guys that are all around us. 

I [We] want to take this time to wish a very Merry Christmas to all of our wonderful readers.  Those of you who’ve made this worthwhile throughout the years.  I wish you all a happy time with your family and friends and to bathe in the love you have for each other.

I [We] also want to extend a Very Merry Christmas to all of our Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen and Marines around the world who’ve made it their mission to protect all of us from the literal evil of the world.  They do so at great expense, personal hazard and discomfort and they do this all voluntarily.  Those of you who are away from home for the holidays deserve our special love and gratitude, not only now, but throughout the rest of the year.

While we [finally!] are wishing Merry Christmases, let us not forget the men and women who have given time with their family in order to serve us, the rest of the country.  The police officers, firemen, EMTs, hospital workers, utility workers, and all the others that I’m sure I’ve forgotten.  A hardy thank you and a Merry Christmas to you all. [If you encounter any of them between today and tomorrow remember its Christmas for them too, try not to make their lives more difficult than it already is please.]

To those of you who’ve been forced by your [Scrooge/Grinch like] employer to work during the holidays, by their greed and avarice, we not only thank you, sympathize with you, knowing that you too have families that depend on your job and that you are stuck, but we wish you, too a Merry Christmas and give you the hope of time spent with family.

My friends, if you would give me one gift this holiday season, give me the gift of doing something nice for one other person  in your life.  Wish a stranger a Merry Christmas, give a cup of coffee to a bell ringer, do a nice thing for an aged aunt or grandmother, [help a homeless person feel the joy of the holiday in some small way].  Pass along the joy and blessings of the season to another.

To all of you I [We] wish God’s Blessings, Love, Joy, Laughter and Peace. 

Cheers,

Impish Dragon

[Lethal Leprechaun and the entire imaginary cast of mythical employees of DL & LL Digital Media]

As you enter the campground area you see a huge castle in the near distance.  A long line of people are strung out in a row, all waiting patiently to get in.  The line is moving fairly smoothly and you begin to pass signs along the route:

North Pole

You wonder if these guys have managed to move the North Pole to the mountain that is DL&LL Electronic media or perhaps through some magic or advanced technology there was a portal that you walked through that sent you to the actual North Pole.  Panic begins to niggle at the back of your mind as you think about the success that Impish especially has had with things that work, seem to work and then don’t work at all and you wonder if you and the rest of the people might end up trapped at the actual north pole with no means of easily returning.  As if the signs can read your mind you pass the next one which reads

Not Really The North Pole

Feeling relieved and slightly curious as to how the signs can know what it is you’re thinking, the line takes you passed the next sign which reads

Don’t you think that if we know whether you’re naughty or nice, we can tell exactly what it is you’re thinking?

While pondering that bit of information, the next sign in line pops up and says

Santa Claus Town

And while you’re looking at it, the words seem to melt and reform to say

Not the REAL Santa Claus; Don’t you think he’s just a little busy this time of year?

And the words melt and reform again to say

Sheesh!  Some People!

Realizing that you’ve just been dissed by a sign and not really sure what to do about it, you’ve unknowingly reached the door way where your coat and hat is quickly whisked away in a manner that you’ve come to expect from the fairies that are flittering from one person to the next.  Thinking about it, you realize that you can’t seem to remember how it is that you got your belongings back after the last couple of fairy hat-check experiences.  You seem to remember everything that happened last Saturday, to include the removal of your hat and coat, but not ever getting them back other than as you were exiting the ice palace last week, that you had them.
Curiouser and Curiouser.
Once you are in the castle you see that the interior is set up as one huge hall.  There are easy chairs and sofas, recliners and loveseats, benches and tables and all manner of seating arrangements all over the place.  There is the obligatory roped off area for the patrons, but the rest of the seating seems just as nice and comfy.  There are several roaring fires in several large fireplaces scattered throughout the room.  At the far end is a stage with a huge satin throne, decorated in all manner of Christmas decorations with Ivy, holly, candy canes, bells, lights and beautiful decorations beyond count across the stage.  Next to the throne is a huge sack that seems to be overflowing with Christmas gifts and two of Santa’s elves are on stage waving and talking to people.
As you look closer at the two elves, you see that they are really Diaman and Ginny dressed up in very sexy elf costumes.  There are several male members of the audience hanging around the stage, making little puddles of drool form below their open mouths.
There is also a very large ogre, dressed in an elf costume that is a bit too small for him (and one that he honestly doesn’t seem very fond of wearing) whose job, it seems is to push the drooling mob back from the edge of the stage and keep it clear.
There is a sign that says that Santa will be entering soon.  You spot some friends and settle down in a little seating area that seems cozy and are offered your choice of beverage and pastry by a cavorting fairy that seems more interested in having a magical snowball fight with her other fairy companions.  You notice that their snowballs seem to disappear after either having hit their target or obviously missed so that none of the guests are being hit with these magical missiles.
You are happily surprised when your fairy brings you back the proper beverage and sit down to wait to see what happens next.
It’s not long before what happens next happens and it happens next not long after you expect it to happen.
The doors at the back of the stage are thrown open and a resounding HO! HO! HO! Is heard echoing through the hall.  The walls vibrate with the sounds of MERRY CHRISTMAS!  HO! HO! HO! As a Impish Dragon, dressed in a Santa Outfit comes through the door and sits on the throne.
Merry Christmas Everyone!
Today you get to sit on Santa’s lap and tell me what you really want for Christmas.  Now, if you haven’t been a good boy or girl, well, let’s just say that you reap what you sow.  Who wants to start?  I know, how about our two special elves that are helping dear old Santa out today.  Come on girls, come sit on Santa’s lap.
As Diaman Elf and Ginny Elf snuggle up on Santa’s ample lap, you can hear Ginny stage whisper, “My, my Santa, is that a candy cane in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”
Santa Impish replies with a “Ho, Ho, HO!” as both girls jump upwards, landing back on his lap, but rubbing their behinds having just been pinched by the lecherous old boy.
Now, let’s see what I have in my sack full of goodies for you two.  He reaches over to the sack of toys and pull out two lumps of coal.
Oh dear.  Have you two been naughty this year?  Tsk, Tsk!  But, I do believe you’ve been very nicely naughty so we need to fix this.  And with that, Impish Santa pushes his two hands together and with his incredible dragon strength, crushes the two lumps of coal, exerting tremendous force, he pulls his hands apart and there in his hands are two magnificent huge diamonds.  Here you are girls, one for each of you.  Perfect for a necklace or some other pretty for you to wear.  Beautiful diamonds for beautiful ladies.
As the two elves slide down off Santa Impish’s lap and move over to their previous positions, oohing and aahing over their new diamonds, Impish Santa roars, Okay who’s next?
The line forms up and the two girl elves start sending people up to sit on Impish’s lap and ask for gifts.  While this is going on, the rest of you can now proceed to enjoy the issue as you wait your turn to sit on Santa’s lap.

Charlotte, North Carolina is remodeling their stadium, which includes a retractable dome, for the 2016 Democratic Conventions

 

Impish Dragon tells Lethal: “I can’t break Mrs. Dragon of the habit of staying up until 5 AM.”

“What is she doing till 5 AM?” Lethal asks

“Waiting for me to get home.”

 

 

‘OLD’ IS  WHEN…
A sexy  babe catches your fancy…
And your  pacemaker opens the garage door!

 

 

 

How about a few more of those GIFs that everyone loves so much…

I want to know how the hell that works!

 And Papa Dragon Most Senior comes through!  Here’s the youtube explaination

 

 

 

 

 

Our own dear Ginny passed on this special Christmas story.  Now, I know an awful lot of things, but I have no idea if this is a true story or not, but in all honesty, WHO CARES?! It’s a really good story and you ought to be a bit tearful when you get to the end.  Snopes says that although a lot of the facts can be verified, the story itself may or may not be true.  At this time of year, I’d like to believe that yes indeed, miracles do happen.

Merry Chistmas!

Who is this?” asked Santa, smiling. “Your friend?

“Yes, Santa,’ he replied.”My sister, Sarah, who is very sick,” he said sadly.

Santa glanced over at the grandmother who was waiting nearby, and saw her dabbing her eyes with a tissue. “She wanted to come with me to see you, oh, so very much, Santa!” the child exclaimed. “She misses you,” he added softly.

Santa tried to be cheerful and encouraged a smile to the boy’s face, asking him what he wanted Santa to bring him for Christmas.

When they finished their visit, the Grandmother came over to help the child off his lap, and started to say something to Santa, but halted.

“What is it?” Santa asked warmly.

“Well, I know it’s really too much to ask you, Santa, but..” the old woman began, shooing her grandson over to one of Santa’s elves to collect the little gift which Santa gave all his young visitors.

“The girl in the photograph… my granddaughter well, you see … she has leukemia and isn’t expected to make it even through the holidays,” she said through tear-filled eyes. “Is there any way, Santa, any possible way that you could come see Sarah? That’s all she’s asked for, for Christmas, is to see Santa.”

Santa blinked and swallowed hard and told the woman to leave information with his elves as to where Sarah was, and he would see what he could do. Santa thought of little else the rest of that afternoon.  He knew what he had to do. “What if it were MY child lying in that hospital bed, dying,” he thought with a sinking heart, “This is the least I can do.”

When Santa finished visiting with all the boys and girls that evening, he retrieved from his helper the name of the hospital where Sarah was staying. He asked the assistant location manager how to get to the Hospital.

“Why?” Rick asked, with a puzzled look on his face.

Santa relayed to him the conversation with Sarah’s grandmother earlier that day.

“C’mon…..I’ll take you there.” Rick said softly. Rick drove them to the hospital and came inside with Santa.

They found out which room Sarah was in. A pale Rick said, he would wait out in the hall.

Santa quietly peeked into the room through the half-closed door and saw little Sarah in the bed.

The room was full of what appeared to be her family; there was the Grandmother and the girl’s brother he had met earlier that day. A woman whom he guessed was Sarah’s mother stood by the bed, gently pushing Sarah’s thin hair off her forehead. And another woman who he discovered later was Sarah’s aunt, sat in a chair near the bed with a weary sad look on her face. They were talking quietly, and Santa could sense the warmth and closeness of the family, and their love and concern for Sarah.

Taking a deep breath, and forcing a smile on his face, Santa entered the room, bellowing a hearty, “Ho, Ho, Ho!”

“Santa!” shrieked little Sarah, weakly as she tried to escape her bed to run to him IV tubes intact.

Santa rushed to her side and gave her a warm hug.

As he and Sarah began talking, the family crept quietly to the bedside one by one, squeezing Santa’s shoulder or his hand gratefully, whispering “Thank you” as they gazed sincerely at him with shining eyes. Santa and Sarah talked and talked, and she told him excitedly all the toys she wanted for Christmas, assuring him she’d been a very good girl that year.

As their time together dwindled, Santa felt led in his spirit to pray for Sarah, and asked for permission from the girl’s mother. She nodded in agreement and the entire family circled around Sarah’s bed, holding hands. Santa looked intensely at Sarah and asked her if she believed in angels.

“Oh, yes, Santa… I do!” she exclaimed.

“Well, I’m going to ask angels watch over you.” he said.  Laying one hand on the child’s head, Santa closed his eyes and prayed. He asked that, God touch little Sarah, and heal her body from this disease. He asked that angels minister to her, watch and keep her. And when he finished praying, still with eyes closed, he started singing, softly, “Silent Night, Holy Night….all is calm, all is bright.”  The family joined in, still holding hands, smiling at Sarah, and crying tears of hope, tears of joy for this moment, as Sarah beamed at them all.

When the song ended, Santa sat on the side of the bed again and held Sarah’s frail, small hands in his own.  “Now, Sarah,” he said authoritatively, “you have a job to do, and that is to concentrate on getting well. I want you to have fun playing with your friends this summer, and I expect to see you at my house at McAllister Mall this time next year!”

He knew it was risky proclaiming that to this little girl who had terminal cancer, but he “had” to. He had to give her the greatest gift he could — not dolls or games or toys — but the gift of HOPE.

“Yes, Santa!” Sarah exclaimed, her eyes bright.

Out in the hall, the minute Santa’s eyes met Rick’s, a look passed between them and they wept unashamed.

Sarah’s mother and grandmother slipped out of the room quickly and rushed to Santa’s side to thank him.
“My only child is the same age as Sarah,” he explained quietly. “This is the least I could do.” They nodded with understanding and hugged him.

One year later, Santa was again back on the set in Saint John for his six-week, seasonal job which he so loves to do. Several weeks went by and then one day a child came up to sit on his lap.

“Hi, Santa! Remember me?!”

“Of course, I do,” Santa proclaimed (as he always does), smiling down at her. After all, the secret to being a “good” Santa is to always make each child feel as if they are the “only” child in the world at that moment.

“You came to see me in the hospital last year!”

Santa’s jaw dropped. Tears immediately sprang in his eyes, and he grabbed this little miracle and held her to his chest.  “Sarah!” he exclaimed. He scarcely recognized her, for her hair was long and silky and her cheeks were rosy — much different from the little girl he had visited just a year before. He looked over and saw Sarah’s mother and grandmother in the sidelines smiling and waving and wiping their eyes.

That was the best Christmas ever for Santa Claus.

He had witnessed –and been blessed to be instrumental in bringing about — this miracle of hope. This precious little child was healed. Cancer-free. Alive and well. He silently looked up to Heaven and humbly whispered, “Thank you, Father. ‘Tis a very, Merry Christmas!

As you get off the elevator and head for the Conference Room wonderful smells greet your nose. Hot gingerbread competes with the scent of Peppermint tea and Adult Hot Chocolate.

Upon entering you see a much more relaxed and less harried Lethal in an apron armed with a spatula and cookie tray passing hot gingerbread men around to those in the patron seating smiling and joking with one and all. You notice that the seats in the open seating all have a candy cane on them. As soon as the seats are full Lethal places the cookie tray on the craft table and remove the apron. While mostly dressed in his pre college Green three piece suit with gold brocade vest he’s now sporting an interesting belt. The buckle seems to be a glass half dome containing a sprig of live mistletoe. As he climbs the stage to the podium you notice the same set up at the rear of his belt.

Good Morn ta ya and Nollaig Shona duit or Merry Christmas ta ya non Gaelic speakin’ heathens. A couple o’ housekeeping notes before we get started this morning.

1.) Would the person that ‘borrowed’ me Self Producing & Loading Auto-cannon Turret (aka S.P.L.A.T) please return it or provide its current location no questions asked? It’s actually part of an anti Grinch defense system we need to deploy to protect Santa’s secret warehouse stash her on the North American continent. I’m given to understand it was employed last weekend and apparently the detection system needs a bit o’ fine adjustment to distinguish between Dragons and Grinches.

Impish me apologies for the incident and me thanks for the quite mirthful test o’ the system.

2.) Before the question start about me choice in accessories let me just say the front is for amorous feelingly the holidays female readers and the back is for liberals who have an issue with me wishing folks “Merry Christmas. No you cannot borrow it and it is a one of a kind so no you cant buy one like it.

Ok, so much for the notices. Since I’m a wee tuckered out still from Finals and then celebrating Finals being over. So before Impish’s stock of Ginger Bread men and hot chocolate runs out I’m of for a quick 20 winks in me office.

Then I’m planning on sneaking out to do a wee bit o’ Christmas shopping for Molly. See we’re mostly debit card purchasing folk and while it does tend to make life easier, it also lets Molly see how much was spent where and when. This tends to make surprising her with gifts pretty hard. How ever this year I got paid under the table for a few things and got cash for the return of some of me text books. As a result I can shop off the radar for the first time in about 5 years

I’m off, I can here my brand new Executive Heat & Massage Office Chair calling me name. Enjoy and make merry….but only to excess!

Santa Is Real

Mary, Did You Know? – Pentatonix

 

The X in Xmas

There is an often expressed notion that “Xmas” is a relatively new non-religious name / spelling for “Christmas.” However, it turns out, this isn’t the case at all, at least not originally. The “X” originally indicated the Greek letter “Chi,” which is short for the Greek, meaning “Christ.” So “Xmas” and “Christmas” were equivalent in every way except their lettering.

So when did this substitution start?
Although writing guides today, such as those issued by the New York Times; the BBC; The Christian Writer’s Manual of Style; and Oxford Press, discourage the use of Xmas in formal writing, at one time, it was a very popular practice, particularly with religious scribes, who are thought to have started the whole “Xmas” thing in the first place. Indeed, there are documented instances of using the symbol “X” in place of Christ’s name amongst religious scholars going back about 1000 years.

Eventually, this shorthand trick spread to non-religious writings where nearly everywhere “Christ” appeared in a word, the Greek Chi would replace that part of the word. For example, in the 17th and 18th centuries, there are numerous non-religious documents containing instances of “Xine,” which was a common spelling for someone whose name was Christine.

Bonus Facts:

• The “-mas” part on the end of Christmas and Xmas comes from the Old English word for “mass.”
• Other classic common abbreviations for “Christ” were: “Xp” and “Xt,” again both an abbreviated form of the Greek for Christ.
• The Greek letters “X” (Chi) and “p” (Rho) superimposed together was once a very common symbol signifying Christ and was called, somewhat unimaginatively, the Chi-Rho.
• The Chi-Rho was also used by scribes in a non-religious sense to mark some passage that was particularly good, with it literally implying “good.”

         

Carol of the Bells (for 12 cellos) – ThePianoGuys

 

Well that certainly raises ‘dashing though the snow’ to a whole new level!

12 facts about ‘Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer’ in honor of the 50th anniversary

On Dec. 6, 1964, television audiences watched ‘Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer’ for the first time. Fifty years later, the TV special continues to be a beloved holiday classic. Here are a few morsels you likely didn’t know about the popular Christmas special…

 

 

 

 

Rudolph measured a mere 4-inches high and Santa stood just 8-inches. And though he appears relatively large on screen, the Bumble figurine stood 14-inches tall.

 

The puppets were not meant to last forever. Despite their best efforts not to soil the puppets — only the animator and puppet maker were allowed to touch them in the studio, and they wore gloves when working on them — the figures were sprayed with magnetic flock to diffuse reflective light from the cameras. The spray contained acidity which contributed to the puppets’ deterioration over time.

 

 

The special took about 18 months and 22 room-size sets to complete. The TV special was created in Japan by MOM Production Studios, led by Tadahito “Tad” Mochinaga, a pioneer in Japanese stop-motion animation.

 

Animators spent two days observing deer to create Rudolph. Mochinaga, the chief animator, and his assistant Hiroshi Tabata spent two days at Nara National Park studying thousands of wild deer to observe the movement for their animation and to inspire their image of Rudolph and his setting.

 

 

Before Burl Ives was corralled to narrate, Larry Mann (the voice of Yukon Cornelius) performed the narration. Mann’s version has never been heard publicly, but those who have listened to the recordings say Mann put on a Brooklyn-like accent that was less than gentle on the ears.

More than 200 puppets were carved for the production of Rudolph. Ichiro Komuro, the puppet maker for the film, says that each character’s puppet was re-carved by hand for various movements and expressions, rather than using plaster and a mold, because it wouldn’t have been exact, “and the plaster head is very heavy for animation.”

 

 

All of the characters were built with joints. The addition of joints allowed any part of puppets’ bodies to be moved, including their eyes, ears and mouth.

 

 

Hermey, the elf who aspired to be a dentist, has left fans in question over his real name. In 1998, some merchandise marketed the elf with the name Herbie instead. Poor Hermey, he just can’t seem to catch a break.
 

 

 

 

It took 24 frames to create one second of filmed animation.

 

“Silver and Gold” was also originally sung by Yukon Cornelius. In a version never aired, Yukon Cornelius (Larry Mann) sings “Silver and Gold.” Before the song was reassigned to Burl Ives, it was recorded 28 times in Cornelius’ voice, including multiple takes that end with comic sobs.

 

For decades, fans have focused attention on the little doll on Misfit Island because there was nothing visibly wrong with her. Though some wondered if it was her lack of a real nose, Arthur Rankin has said that she was depressed because her owner didn’t want her anymore and she felt unlovable.

 

In the original special that aired in 1964, Rudolph, Hermey and Yukon Cornelius promise to return to visit Misfit Island, however, then never do so. This set fans into a angry frenzy and the studio responded to their bitter letters by changing the script. In 1965, the special included a short scene in which Santa and the reindeer deliver the Misfits to new homes. And all was right with the world.

 

The Top 5 Newest Residents of the Island of Misfit Toys

Remember when Rudolph visited the Island of Misfit Toys in that Rankin/Bass Christmas Special? If you’re not old like us, watch this YouTube video to learn what it’s all about.
It got us thinking: Some new toys must have moved to the Island by now.

5. Raggedy Ann Coulter and Raggedy Andy Dick

4. Where’s Waldo’s Pants?

3. Tonka Fracking Fun Toys

2. Disney’s “Frozen” Icy Uncle Walt Doll

And the Number One Newest Resident of the Island of Misfit Toys…

1. Serious Putty

 

Eggnog Coffee Punch

“Fast and easy to make, this holiday drink decked with whipped topping and nutmeg mixes prepared eggnog with coffee ice cream and hot coffee.”

 

Prep Time: 10 Minutes

Cook Time: 3 Minutes

Ready In: 13 Minutes

Servings: 4

 

 

Ingredients:

1 1/2 cups coffee ice cream
1 1/2 cups eggnog
1 cup hot strongly brewed coffee
4 tablespoons frozen whipped topping, thawed
4 pinches ground nutmeg

Directions:

1. Scoop the ice cream into a pan over low heat. Stir in the eggnog and coffee; and heat until warm, about 3 minutes. Pour into four glass or ceramic mugs. Top each with 1 tablespoon whipped topping and sprinkle with nutmeg. Serve immediately.

Nope you’re absolutely right. This one is only delicious not deadly…that is until you add Bailey’s, Kailua, Irish Whiskey or Rum (or some combo thereof) to it!

Sparkling Charleston Cosmopolitan

Boost your spirits with a Sparkling Charleston Cosmopolitan. This peach, orange, and white cranberry “Southern” cosmopolitan is topped off with sparkling white wine.

Yield: Makes 1 serving

• Hands-on: 5 Minutes
• Total: 5 Minutes

 

Ingredients

• 1 cup crushed ice
• 3 tablespoons vodka
• 1 1/2 tablespoons peach nectar
• 1 tablespoon orange liqueur

• 1 tablespoon white cranberry juice
• 2 lemon wedges
• 2 tablespoons sparkling white wine
• Garnish: orange slice (optional)

Preparation

Combine crushed ice, vodka, peach nectar, orange liqueur, and 1 white cranberry juice in a cocktail shaker. Squeeze juice from lemon wedges into shaker. Place wedges in shaker. Cover with lid, and shake vigorously until thoroughly chilled (about 30 seconds). Strain into a 6- to 8-oz. glass; discard lemon wedges and ice. Top with sparkling white wine. Garnish, if desired.

Rudolph’s Tipsy Spritzer

When you need a festive holiday cocktail, look no further than this easy spritzer made with orange juice, lemon-lime soft drink, cherry juice, and vodka. If you want a non-alcoholic beverage, just leave out the vodka and add more orange juice or soft drink.

Yield: Makes about 9 1/2 cups

• Prep time: 10 Minutes

Ingredients

• 5 cups orange juice
• 2 cups chilled lemon-lime soft drink
• 1 1/2 cups vodka

• 1/2 cup maraschino cherry juice
• 1/4 cup fresh lemon juice
• Garnishes: lemon slices, fresh rosemary sprigs

Preparation

1. Stir together all ingredients; serve over ice. Garnish, if desired.

You can substitute Gin or White Rum for the Vodka.

I use my Rosemary sprigs to skewer a Maraschino cherry

“Do You Hear What I Hear” Mannheim Steamroller

 

The True True Story of Rudolph

About a dozen people have forwarded me a somewhat fantastical version of the origin of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer this year just as in years past. While I thank them for their well meaning intentions I know the smell of Reindeer droppings when I smell them. So here instead is the real true story of the origins of the popular Christmas story and song.

To most of us, the character of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, immortalized in song and a popular holiday  television special, has always been an essential part of our Christmas folklore, but Rudolph is in fact a mid-twentieth century invention whose creation can be traced to a specific time and person.

However, the glurgified account of that event reproduced above, while essentially correct in its broad strokes, erroneously inverts a key aspect of the process: The story of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer was not developed by a man who was seeking to bring comfort to his daughter as her mother lay dying of cancer and who subsequently sold his creation to a department store chain. Instead, the Rudolph character and story was developed for commercial purposes by a Montgomery Ward copywriter at the specific request of his employer, and that copywriter then tested the story out on his own daughter during the development process to ensure it would appeal to children.
Rudolph came to life in 1939 when the Chicago-based Montgomery Ward company asked one of their copywriters, 34-year-old Robert L. May, to come up with a Christmas story they could give away in booklet form to shoppers as a promotional gimmick — the Montgomery Ward stores had been buying and distributing coloring books to customers at Christmastime every year, and May’s department head saw creating a giveaway booklet of their own as a way to save money. Robert May, who had a penchant for writing children’s stories and limericks, was tapped to create the booklet.

May, drawing in part on the tale of The Ugly Duckling and his own background (he was often taunted as a child for being shy, small, and slight), settled on the idea of an underdog ostracized by the reindeer community because of his physical abnormality: a glowing red nose. Looking for an alliterative name, May considered and rejected Rollo (too cheerful and carefree a name for the story of a misfit) and Reginald (too British) before deciding on Rudolph. He then proceeded to write Rudolph’s story in verse as a series of rhyming couplets, testing it out on his 4-year-old daughter, Barbara, as he went along. Although Barbara was thrilled with Rudolph’s story, May’s boss was worried that a story featuring a red nose — an image associated with drinking and drunkards — was unsuitable for a Christmas tale. May responded by taking Denver Gillen, a friend from Montgomery Ward’s art department, to the Lincoln Park Zoo to sketch some deer. Gillen’s illustrations of a red-nosed reindeer overcame the hesitancy of May’s superiors, and the Rudolph story was approved. Montgomery Ward distributed 2.4 million copies of the Rudolph booklet in 1939, and although wartime paper shortages curtailed printing for the next several years, a total of 6 million copies had been distributed by the end of 1946.

The post-war demand for licensing the Rudolph character was tremendous, but since May had created the story on a “work made for hire” basis as an employee of Montgomery Ward, that company held the copyright to Rudolph, and May received no royalties for his creation. Deeply in debt from the medical bills resulting from his wife’s terminal illness (she died about the time May created Rudolph), May persuaded Montgomery Ward’s corporate president, Sewell Avery, to turn the copyright over to him in January 1947, and with the rights to his creation in hand, May’s financial security was assured. (Unlike Santa Claus and other familiar Christmas figures of the time, the Rudolph character was a protected trademark that required licensing and the payment of royalties for commercial use.)
“Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” was reprinted commercially beginning in 1947 and shown in theaters as a nine-minute cartoon the following year, but the Rudolph phenomenon  really took off when May’s brother-in-law, songwriter Johnny Marks, developed the lyrics and melody for a Rudolph song.

Marks’ musical version of “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” (turned down by many in the music industry who didn’t want to meddle with the established Santa legend) was recorded by cowboy crooner Gene Autry in 1949, sold two million copies that year, and went on to become one of the best-selling songs of all time (second only to “White Christmas”). A stop-action television special about Rudolph produced by Rankin/Bass and narrated by Burl Ives was first aired in 1964 and remains a popular perennial holiday favorite in the U.S.

May quit his copywriting job in 1951 and spent seven years managing the Rudolph franchise his creation had spawned before returning to Montgomery Ward, where he worked until his retirement in 1971. May died in 1976, comfortable in the life his reindeer creation had provided for him.

The story of Rudolph is primarily known to us through the lyrics of Johnny Marks’ song (which provides only the barest outlines of Rudolph’s story) and the 1964 television special. The story Robert May wrote is substantially different from both of them in a number of ways.

Rudolph was neither one of Santa’s reindeer nor the offspring of one of Santa’s reindeer, and he did not live at the North Pole. Rudolph dwelled in an “ordinary” reindeer village elsewhere, and although he was taunted and laughed at for having a shiny red nose, he was not regarded by his parents as a shameful embarrassment; Rudolph was brought up in a loving household and was a responsible reindeer with a good self-image and sense of worth. Moreover, Rudolph also did not rise to fame when Santa picked him out from a reindeer herd because of his shiny nose; instead, Santa discovered the red-nosed reindeer quite by accident, when he noticed the glow emanating from Rudolph’s room while he was delivering presents to Rudolph’s house. Worried that the thickening fog that night (already the cause of several accidents and delays) would keep him from completing his Christmas Eve rounds, Santa tapped Rudolph to lead his team, which the young reindeer agreed to do, after first stopping to complete one last task: leaving behind a note for his mother and father.

As Ronald Lankford noted in his cultural history of American Christmas songs, Rudolph’s story was a classic reflection of American values during the 1940s and beyond:

Much like the modern Santa Claus song, Rudolph’s story is for children; more specifically, it is a children’s story about overcoming adversity and earning, by personal effort, respect in the adult world. As a young deer (child) with a handicap that turns out to be an unrecognized asset, Rudolph comes to the rescue of an adult (Santa) at the last minute (on Christmas Eve). When Rudolph saves the day, he gains respect from both his peers (the reindeer who refused to include him in games) and the adult world. The story of Rudolph, then, is the fantasy story made to order for American children: each child has the need to express and receive approval for his or her individuality and/or special qualities. Rudolph’s story embodies the American Dream for the child, written large because of the cultural significance of Christmas.

Grandma Got Molested At The Airport

The music from Today’s issue can be downloaded as MP3s here.

http://www.zippyshare.com/sites/priv/fileManager.jsp#

The songs are in a compressed file. You’ll need to be able to download it and decompress it your self using a program such as WinRar or 7Zip to access the MP3s.

DO NOT ASK FOR TECHNICAL SUPPORT HELP FROM US!

Those who do will get a decidedly naughty reply full of attitude from Marine Gunnery Sargent Grinch!

In addition I will remove the music downloads the next issue.

The snow is falling steadily as you head for the campgrounds where Dragon Laffs is presented every Saturday.  Thinking back, you don’t ever remember it being cold behind the mountain like it is this year.  The only time it was ever snowing was during the annual ski trip and the winter festival.  But, you also remember that although there was snow on the ground, and the snow was certainly cold as snow is wont to be, the air was always springtime warm and the sun always shined, even when it was snowing.

This year seemed different… more normal.  Laughing to yourself you think: What’s “normal” like around THIS place?

As you round the mountain and approach the campground you see an amazing sight rising from the horizon.  A huge ice palace where the campground normally sits.  You immediately recognize it as Gustav Grave’s Icelandic Ice Palace in Die Another Day.   

Cars and vehicles of all kinds are being parked by fairies, dwarves and other creatures.  Instead of gun emplacements around the facility, you can see many of the staff frolicking in the snow, making snowmen, snow angels, having snowball fights.  It’s pandemonium, but it all looks like so much fun you can’t help but jump out of your vehicle and join in the fun.

As you exit your vehicle, an ogre grabs your car from each side and with a two-step launch, sends your car sliding down the ice to another ogre who stops it and gently places it in a parking space.  As you watch, a pickup truck slides towards the second ogre, who gracefully stops it and places it in its own spot.  You recognize the ice flow from the movie and realize the ogres are sliding the vehicles along the ice to each other.  It’s the strangest valet parking you’ve ever seen.

After getting pelted several times by snowballs, making your own snow angel and pelting others yourself, you look over and spy the lovely Giacinta “Jinx” Johnson building a snow dragon with Diaman and Ginny. 
Just as you are pretty sure that it really is Halle Berry with the two iconic female figures of the DL&LL community, Impish steps out the front entrance to the palace and announces in a loud voice:

Good Morning and Welcome my fellow campers!  It’s warm inside and today’s issue is about to begin.  If you’d all like to finish up what you are doing and head …

Finally having spotted the snow dragon the girls are putting the final touches on, he continues:

Ah…finish up what you are doing and …. That looks NOTHING like me!  It’s all wrong!  It’s …

The poor blue dragon is suddenly pelted by hundreds of snowballs coming from all directions at once.  It is a veritable rainstorm of snowballs.  All hitting with amazing accuracy.  He is driven back inside the palace doors and out of sight and the snowballs stop as magically as they started.  You over hear someone say something about Lethal’s magical anti-whining dancing snowballs from hell and as you wonder about the anomaly of a snowball’s chance in hell, our blue hero pokes just his head out the front door and says:

And another thing….

When a much larger snowball hits him right smack on the nose, completely covering his face.  As the dragon sputters, shakes his head to clear the snow, he announces quickly:

The-issue-is-ready-come-on-in-where-it’s-warm!

And whirls around so quick to get back inside that he slips and lands face first on the porch with a huge THUD!  Well, sadly for our hero, that THUD! sets off a vibration that loosens a huge pile of snow from the eaves of the roof that falls and completely covers the dragon in a huge snow drift, blocking the entrance to the palace.

A hidden door suddenly pops open to the left of the main entrance and Ginny and Diaman are standing there holding the door open and signal everyone to come in that way while the huge snow drift heaves up and down seriously hindering the trapped dragon from escaping.

As you enter the palace, the warmth immediately embraces you and you again, give off your hats and coats to the fairies who are buzzing around for that purpose.  Each coat, hat and scarf disappears as soon as you give them over and no coat check slip is given in return.  But, remembering last week when the same thing happened and all your garments were returned, without harm, you’re not concerned with this bit of magic.

As you enter the main ballroom, you can see that it has been arranged with round tables spread throughout the room.  There is a roped off section up towards the front of the stage with little place cards at each table.  The tables are set with white table cloths, linen napkins, fine china and a scrumptious looking breakfast being served by scantily clad Fae folk.  The males are serving the females and the visa versa.  There is a lot of giggling and flirting going on.

The back, un-roped off section consists of fiberglass tables and booths and in the back of the room there is a McDougal’s Franchise doing business with microwaved breakfast sandwiches and bad coffee.  An empty paper napkin dispenser sits beside an empty sugar and creamer.

Oh the benefits of being a paying patron of the arts, you think to yourself as a gorgeous Fae creature tucks a linen napkin suggestively across your front and you order your breakfast of a Belgian Waffle, two eggs over easy, sausage patties, hash browns and toast.  Pitchers of hot coffee, several kinds of juices and all the normal condiments for breakfast are available on the table.  As you begin to tuck in, Impish appears on the stage, looking non-the-worse for wear and says:

Good Morning Campers,

I hope you’ve enjoyed your morning so far, there’s much, much more to see and do.  Please feel free to enjoy today’s issue and then mosey around the palace and see the sights, drive the cars, shoot the bad guys…with snowball guns, of course and just have a wonderful time.

The CIA had an opening for an assassin.

​A​fter all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were three finalists: two men and a woman.

For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
“We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her.

The man said “You can’t be serious.  I could never shoot my wife”.

The agent said, “Then you are not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home”.

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. The man​ came out with tears in his eyes, “I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.”

The agent said, “You don’t have what it takes, so take your wife and go home​”​

Finally, it was the woman’s turn. She was given the same instructions: to kill her husband.

She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard one after another. They heard screaming,  crashing, and banging on the walls.  After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping sweat from her brow.

“The gun was loaded with blanks” she said. “I had to kill him with the chair​.”​

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks to Ginny for this video on Dogs that DON’T Fetch

 

Great workout Diaman, now let’s rest.

 

Okay, just a short little rant to throw the bullshit flag.  The article was titled SHARPTON: BLACKS CAN’T ACT DECENTLY WITHOUT MORE GOVERNMENT PAYOUTS.  it goes on to say that the asshat Sharpton went on Meet the Press and said that You can’t kill a jobs bill and infrastructure and then tell men to take care of their families. You can’t have it both ways.  I can change the title of this article and make it a true statement by changing only one word:  See if you can catch it.  SHARPTON: BLACKS WON’T ACT DECENTLY WITHOUT MORE GOVERNMENT PAYOUTS.

This is pure bullshit.  What you’re saying is that they won’t act with the basic level of human decency because we aren’t paying them enough?  Really?  REALLY!  Like the author of the article said: But this sort of moral blackmail – the notion that black men cannot be expected to obey the dictates of fundamental morality without government support — has become commonplace among members of the left.

You want more of my money to act like a decent human being?  Like paying a terrorist to not behead my brother or my son?  What the hell is the difference between this attitude and terrorism?

Well, to each and every one of you who think that way, that you want to extort my money so you don’t burn down my house or my place of business, all I can say is:  give it your best shot asshat. 

Remember this one thing about dragons:

 

 

 

A golf joke from my dad.  Papa Dragon Most Senior:

“Well, if you must know,”  she answered, “I work for Tampax.”

With that, he laughed so hard he almost lost his breath.

She said, “See I knew you  would laugh.”

“That’s not what I’m laughing at,” he replied. “I’m a salesman for Preparation H, so I’m still a hole behind you!

 

How about a few more of those GIFs that everyone liked last week?

Ouch!  That’s gonna leave a mark!

 

As a former High School Wrestler, I gotta say, that’s one hell of a move!

Oh and don’t worry…there’ll be more GIFs sprinkled throughout the issue.

 

 

Okay, I’m really sorry.  That was absolutely awful!

 

Okay, for any of you, like me, who get intimidated over wrapping presents…this is bloody amazing!

Thanks to the Owl for that last one and this next one:

 

Katie Couric, Charlie Gibson, Brian Williams and a tough old U.S. Marine Sergeant were captured by terrorists in Iraq. The leader of the terrorists told them he’d grant each of them one last request before they were beheaded and dragged naked through the streets.

Katie Couric said, “Well, I’m a Southerner, so I’d like one last plate of fried chicken.” The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the chicken. Couric ate it all and said, “I can die content.”

Charlie Gibson said, “I’m living in New York , so I’d like to hear the song, The Moon and Me, one last time.” The terrorist leader nodded to another terrorist who had studied the Western world and knew the music. He returned with some rag-tag musicians and played the song. Gibson was satisfied.

Brian Williams said, “I’m a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what’s about to happen. Maybe, someday, someone will hear it and know that I was on the job till the end.” The leader directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder and Williams dictated his comments. He then said, “Now I can die happy.”

The leader turned and asked, “And now, Mr. U. S. Marine, what is your final wish? “Kick me in the ass,” said the Marine… “What?’ asked the leader, ‘Will you mock us in your last hour?”
“No, I’m NOT kidding. I want you to kick me in the ass,” insisted the Marine.

So the leader shoved him into the yard and kicked him in the ass. The Marine went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9 mm pistol from inside his cammies and shot the leader dead. In the resulting confusion, he emptied his sidearm on six terrorists, then with his knife he slashed the throat of one, and with an AK-47, which he had taken from a dead terrorist, sprayed the rest of the terrorists, killing another 11. In a flash, all of them were either dead or fleeing for their lives.

As the Marine stood before Couric, Gibson, and Williams, they asked him, “Why didn’t you just shoot them all in the first place? Why did you ask him to kick you in the ass?”

“What?” replied the Marine, “and have you three liberal assholes report that I was the aggressor…..?”

 

When you really have that mechanic’s gene, it shows itself really early.

 

This is so cool.  Taking dancing holiday lights to the next level.  Not only is this my favorite song to do lights to, this is….well….you’ll just have to see it to believe it!

 

 

Okay, so I really don’t have a clue WHAT the heck is going on in this one…