Dragon Laffs #1416


Dragon Laffs 2

As you enter the campground area you see a huge castle in the near distance.  A long line of people are strung out in a row, all waiting patiently to get in.  The line is moving fairly smoothly and you begin to pass signs along the route:

North Pole

You wonder if these guys have managed to move the North Pole to the mountain that is DL&LL Electronic media or perhaps through some magic or advanced technology there was a portal that you walked through that sent you to the actual North Pole.  Panic begins to niggle at the back of your mind as you think about the success that Impish especially has had with things that work, seem to work and then don’t work at all and you wonder if you and the rest of the people might end up trapped at the actual north pole with no means of easily returning.  As if the signs can read your mind you pass the next one which reads

Not Really The North Pole

Feeling relieved and slightly curious as to how the signs can know what it is you’re thinking, the line takes you passed the next sign which reads

Don’t you think that if we know whether you’re naughty or nice, we can tell exactly what it is you’re thinking?

While pondering that bit of information, the next sign in line pops up and says

Santa Claus Town

And while you’re looking at it, the words seem to melt and reform to say

Not the REAL Santa Claus; Don’t you think he’s just a little busy this time of year?

And the words melt and reform again to say

Sheesh!  Some People!

Realizing that you’ve just been dissed by a sign and not really sure what to do about it, you’ve unknowingly reached the door way where your coat and hat is quickly whisked away in a manner that you’ve come to expect from the fairies that are flittering from one person to the next.  Thinking about it, you realize that you can’t seem to remember how it is that you got your belongings back after the last couple of fairy hat-check experiences.  You seem to remember everything that happened last Saturday, to include the removal of your hat and coat, but not ever getting them back other than as you were exiting the ice palace last week, that you had them.
Curiouser and Curiouser.
Once you are in the castle you see that the interior is set up as one huge hall.  There are easy chairs and sofas, recliners and loveseats, benches and tables and all manner of seating arrangements all over the place.  There is the obligatory roped off area for the patrons, but the rest of the seating seems just as nice and comfy.  There are several roaring fires in several large fireplaces scattered throughout the room.  At the far end is a stage with a huge satin throne, decorated in all manner of Christmas decorations with Ivy, holly, candy canes, bells, lights and beautiful decorations beyond count across the stage.  Next to the throne is a huge sack that seems to be overflowing with Christmas gifts and two of Santa’s elves are on stage waving and talking to people.
3eAs you look closer at the two elves, you see that they are really Diaman and Ginny dressed up in very sexy elf costumes.  There are several male members of the3f audience hanging around the stage, making little puddles of drool form below their open mouths.
There is also a very large ogre, dressed in an elf costume that is a bit too small for him (and one that he honestly doesn’t seem very fond of wearing) whose job, it seems is to push the drooling mob back from the edge of the stage and keep it clear.
There is a sign that says that Santa will be entering soon.  You spot some friends and settle down in a little seating area that seems cozy and are offered your choice of beverage and pastry by a cavorting fairy that seems more interested in having a magical snowball fight with her other fairy companions.  You notice that their snowballs seem to disappear after either having hit their target or obviously missed so that none of the guests are being hit with these magical missiles.
You are happily surprised when your fairy brings you back the proper beverage and sit down to wait to see what happens next.
1291103821t39xDHIt’s not long before what happens next happens and it happens next not long after you expect it to happen.
The doors at the back of the stage are thrown open and a resounding HO! HO! HO! Is heard echoing through the hall.  The walls vibrate with the sounds of MERRY CHRISTMAS!  HO! HO! HO! As a Impish Dragon, dressed in a Santa Outfit67374963_1291353445_08 comes through the door and sits on the throne.
Merry Christmas Everyone!
Today you get to sit on Santa’s lap and tell me what you really want for Christmas.  Now, if you haven’t been a good boy or girl, well, let’s just say that you reap what you sow.  Who wants to start?  I know, how about our two special elves that are helping dear old Santa out today.  Come on girls, come sit on Santa’s lap.
As Diaman Elf and Ginny Elf snuggle up on Santa’s ample lap, you can hear Ginny stage whisper, “My, my Santa, is that a candy cane in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”
Santa Impish replies with a “Ho, Ho, HO!” as both girls jump upwards, landing back on his lap, but rubbing their behinds having just been pinched by the lecherous old boy.
67374955_1291353366_04Now, let’s see what I have in my sack full of goodies for you two.  He reaches over to the sack of toys and pull out two lumps of coal.
Oh dear.  Have you two been naughty this year?  Tsk, Tsk!  But, I do believe you’ve been very nicely naughty so we need to fix this.  And with that, Impish Santa pushes his two hands together and with his incredible dragon strength, crushes the two lumps of coal, exerting tremendous force, he pulls his hands apart and there in his hands are two magnificent huge diamonds.  Here you are girls, one for each of you.  Perfect for a necklace or some other pretty for you to wear.  Beautiful diamonds for beautiful ladies.
As the two elves slide down off Santa Impish’s lap and move over to their previous positions, oohing and aahing over their new diamonds, Impish Santa roars, Okay who’s next?
The line forms up and the two girl elves start sending people up to sit on Impish’s lap and ask for gifts.  While this is going on, the rest of you can now proceed to enjoy the issue as you wait your turn to sit on Santa’s lap.

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Charlotte, North Carolina is remodeling their stadium, which includes a retractable dome, for the 2016 Democratic Conventions
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Impish Dragon tells Lethal: “I can’t break Mrs. Dragon of the habit of staying up until 5 AM.”

“What is she doing till 5 AM?” Lethal asks

“Waiting for me to get home.”

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Impish Dragon goes  to the bar on a cruise ship and orders  a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives him the drink he  says: ‘I’m on this cruise to celebrate my 88th  birthday and it’s today.’ The  bartender says ‘Well,  since it’s your birthday, I’ll buy you a drink. In fact,  this one is on me.’
 
As the dragon  finishes his drink the person  to his right says ‘I would  like to buy you a drink, too.’
 
Impish says ‘Thank  you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.’
 
‘Coming  up’ says the bartender.’
 
As our blue dragon  finishes that drink, the person  to his left says ‘I would  like to buy you one, too.’
 
Impish says ‘Thank  you. Bartender,  I want another Scotch with two drops of water.’
 
‘Coming  right up’ the bartender says. As he  gives him the drink, he says, Sir, I’m  dying of curiosity. Why the  Scotch with only two drops of water?’
Impish Dragon replies, ’Sonny,  when you’re my age, you’ve  learned how to hold your liquor… Holding  your water, however, is a whole other issue.’

 

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‘OLD’ IS  WHEN…
A sexy  babe catches your fancy…
And your  pacemaker opens the garage door!

 

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On average, an American man  under 75 will have sex two to three times a week, where as a Japanese man the same age will have sex only one or two times a year.
 
This is very upsetting news to most of my friends, as they had no idea they were Japanese.
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How about a few more of those GIFs that everyone loves so much…

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I want to know how the hell that works!

 And Papa Dragon Most Senior comes through!  Here’s the youtube explaination

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Guy walks inot a bar

gym clothes

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haircuts

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Our own dear Ginny passed on this special Christmas story.  Now, I know an awful lot of things, but I have no idea if this is a true story or not, but in all honesty, WHO CARES?! It’s a really good story and you ought to be a bit tearful when you get to the end.  Snopes says that although a lot of the facts can be verified, the story itself may or may not be true.  At this time of year, I’d like to believe that yes indeed, miracles do happen.

Merry Chistmas!

A touching story.
 
Three years ago, a little boy and his grandmother came to see Santa at the McAllister Mall in Saint John . The child climbed up on his lap, holding a picture of a little girl.

Who is this?” asked Santa, smiling. “Your friend?

“Yes, Santa,’ he replied.”My sister, Sarah, who is very sick,” he said sadly.

Santa glanced over at the grandmother who was waiting nearby, and saw her dabbing her eyes with a tissue. “She wanted to come with me to see you, oh, so very much, Santa!” the child exclaimed. “She misses you,” he added softly.

Santa tried to be cheerful and encouraged a smile to the boy’s face, asking him what he wanted Santa to bring him for Christmas.

When they finished their visit, the Grandmother came over to help the child off his lap, and started to say something to Santa, but halted.

“What is it?” Santa asked warmly.

“Well, I know it’s really too much to ask you, Santa, but..” the old woman began, shooing her grandson over to one of Santa’s elves to collect the little gift which Santa gave all his young visitors.

“The girl in the photograph… my granddaughter well, you see … she has leukemia and isn’t expected to make it even through the holidays,” she said through tear-filled eyes. “Is there any way, Santa, any possible way that you could come see Sarah? That’s all she’s asked for, for Christmas, is to see Santa.”

Santa blinked and swallowed hard and told the woman to leave information with his elves as to where Sarah was, and he would see what he could do. Santa thought of little else the rest of that afternoon.  He knew what he had to do. “What if it were MY child lying in that hospital bed, dying,” he thought with a sinking heart, “This is the least I can do.”

When Santa finished visiting with all the boys and girls that evening, he retrieved from his helper the name of the hospital where Sarah was staying. He asked the assistant location manager how to get to the Hospital.

“Why?” Rick asked, with a puzzled look on his face.

Santa relayed to him the conversation with Sarah’s grandmother earlier that day.

“C’mon…..I’ll take you there.” Rick said softly. Rick drove them to the hospital and came inside with Santa.

They found out which room Sarah was in. A pale Rick said, he would wait out in the hall.

Santa quietly peeked into the room through the half-closed door and saw little Sarah in the bed.

The room was full of what appeared to be her family; there was the Grandmother and the girl’s brother he had met earlier that day. A woman whom he guessed was Sarah’s mother stood by the bed, gently pushing Sarah’s thin hair off her forehead. And another woman who he discovered later was Sarah’s aunt, sat in a chair near the bed with a weary sad look on her face. They were talking quietly, and Santa could sense the warmth and closeness of the family, and their love and concern for Sarah.

Taking a deep breath, and forcing a smile on his face, Santa entered the room, bellowing a hearty, “Ho, Ho, Ho!”

“Santa!” shrieked little Sarah, weakly as she tried to escape her bed to run to him IV tubes intact.

Santa rushed to her side and gave her a warm hug.

A child the tender age of his own son — 9 years old — gazed up at him with wonder and excitement. Her skin was pale and her short tresses bore telltale bald patches from the effects of chemotherapy. But, all he saw when he looked at her was a pair of, huge blue eyes. His heart melted, and he had to force himself to choke back tears. Though his eyes were riveted upon Sarah’s face, he could hear the gasps and quiet sobbing of the women in the room.

As he and Sarah began talking, the family crept quietly to the bedside one by one, squeezing Santa’s shoulder or his hand gratefully, whispering “Thank you” as they gazed sincerely at him with shining eyes. Santa and Sarah talked and talked, and she told him excitedly all the toys she wanted for Christmas, assuring him she’d been a very good girl that year.

As their time together dwindled, Santa felt led in his spirit to pray for Sarah, and asked for permission from the girl’s mother. She nodded in agreement and the entire family circled around Sarah’s bed, holding hands. Santa looked intensely at Sarah and asked her if she believed in angels.

“Oh, yes, Santa… I do!” she exclaimed.

“Well, I’m going to ask angels watch over you.” he said.  Laying one hand on the child’s head, Santa closed his eyes and prayed. He asked that, God touch little Sarah, and heal her body from this disease. He asked that angels minister to her, watch and keep her. And when he finished praying, still with eyes closed, he started singing, softly, “Silent Night, Holy Night….all is calm, all is bright.”  The family joined in, still holding hands, smiling at Sarah, and crying tears of hope, tears of joy for this moment, as Sarah beamed at them all.

When the song ended, Santa sat on the side of the bed again and held Sarah’s frail, small hands in his own.  “Now, Sarah,” he said authoritatively, “you have a job to do, and that is to concentrate on getting well. I want you to have fun playing with your friends this summer, and I expect to see you at my house at McAllister Mall this time next year!”

He knew it was risky proclaiming that to this little girl who had terminal cancer, but he “had” to. He had to give her the greatest gift he could — not dolls or games or toys — but the gift of HOPE.

“Yes, Santa!” Sarah exclaimed, her eyes bright.

He leaned down and kissed her on the forehead and left the room.

Out in the hall, the minute Santa’s eyes met Rick’s, a look passed between them and they wept unashamed.

Sarah’s mother and grandmother slipped out of the room quickly and rushed to Santa’s side to thank him.
“My only child is the same age as Sarah,” he explained quietly. “This is the least I could do.” They nodded with understanding and hugged him.

One year later, Santa was again back on the set in Saint John for his six-week, seasonal job which he so loves to do. Several weeks went by and then one day a child came up to sit on his lap.

“Hi, Santa! Remember me?!”

“Of course, I do,” Santa proclaimed (as he always does), smiling down at her. After all, the secret to being a “good” Santa is to always make each child feel as if they are the “only” child in the world at that moment.

“You came to see me in the hospital last year!”

Santa’s jaw dropped. Tears immediately sprang in his eyes, and he grabbed this little miracle and held her to his chest.  “Sarah!” he exclaimed. He scarcely recognized her, for her hair was long and silky and her cheeks were rosy — much different from the little girl he had visited just a year before. He looked over and saw Sarah’s mother and grandmother in the sidelines smiling and waving and wiping their eyes.

That was the best Christmas ever for Santa Claus.

He had witnessed –and been blessed to be instrumental in bringing about — this miracle of hope. This precious little child was healed. Cancer-free. Alive and well. He silently looked up to Heaven and humbly whispered, “Thank you, Father. ‘Tis a very, Merry Christmas!

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3 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1416

  1. lethalleprechaun says:

    The missing download link for the Christmas Carols:
    http://www44.zippyshare.com/v/45830140/file.html

    You might need to Copy and Paste it to your browser to get it to work if clicking on it doesn’t

  2. maggie culligan says:

    loved this issue,, especially the final story,, there are many things that happen because HE wants them to,, who are we to question them.

  3. Ginny says:

    What a great way to start the weekend and get us all ready for Christmas. I really had to watch Santa….jovial sort…buy still a dirty old man while I was sitting on his lap. Lovde the jokes, gifs and
    just about everything in the issue. Wishing you, Mrs. Dragon, the little dragonette and Papa Dragon a very Merry Christmas.

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