Good Morning Campers,
It’s a big week in football this weekend. Both of my teams have made it into the playoffs, although both of them are almost assuredly going to NOT get a bye and have to play in the wildcard weekend. But, that just makes for some exciting football watching over the next couple of weeks.
Today’s issue is chock full of fun stuff. Since it’s Christmas week, there isn’t a lot of commentary involved in todays issue, which I’m sure most of you are quite thankful for, but I’m sure that most of you will find plenty to keep you entertained with.
It is quiet around here this morning, with most of the Christmas parties finally breaking up last night. If you see either of the two girls wondering around you might address them quite quietly since they were both partying hard with us mythological creatures right up to the end. I’m relatively sure that Ginny, with her more hardy New Jersey upbringing, has fared a bit better than Diaman’s more reserved one. This may quite well have been just another normal week for Ginny. Although I believe she may be walking a bit, shall we say, bow-legged after I saw her last night flirting with one of the, um…more stout mythical creatures that hang around here.
On the other hand, I’m not exactly sure where Diaman ended up, but in my own drunken stupor, I seem to recall something warm and snuggly curled up under one of my wings. Not sure since they weren’t there this morning when I finally dragged my butt (yes, my ass is dragon) (Okay, so I’m sorry. It’s a little too early for crappy puns) out of my lair this morning.
I really need to get my second pot of coffee in me before I’m going to be worth a damn, if that ever even happens today, so I’ll let you guys get started on the issue and catch up with you before the end.
A guy walks in and asks the barman, ‘Isn’t that Bush and Cheney sitting over there?’
The bartender says, ‘Yep, that’s them.’
So the guy walks over and says, ‘Wow, this is a real honor!
What are you guys doing in here?’
The guy says, ‘Really? What’s going to happen?’
Why kill a blonde with big tits?’
Thanks to the Owl for this next really bad groaner.
Damn! I missed out on asking Santa for one of these. Now I have to wait until next year to ask.
I’m pretty sure the girls made this right outside the door where the party was at last night, just to screw with us who were too drunk to think straight.
Here’s another one of those things that I need to get!!!
I’ve raised a boy, and I was a boy and I have had 3 (younger) brothers…so I can attest to the truth of the following statements:
a) For those with no children – this is totally hysterical!
b) For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
c) For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
d) For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
e) For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.
The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas…
Things I’ve learned from my Boys (honest and not kidding):
1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3.) A 3-year old Boy’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20×20 ft. room.
5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way
6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words “uh oh”, it’s already too late.
8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.
10.) Certain Lego’s will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old boy.
11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12.) Super glue is forever.
13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can’t walk on water.
14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15.) VCR’s do not eject “PB & J” sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
Notable Quotes about women and marriage
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they can’t face each other, but still they stay together. Hemant Joshi
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming: 1) Whenever you’re wrong, admit it, 2) Whenever you’re right, shut up. Nash
Closing her eyes and silently reaching into the realm of the future she finds the answer: “You will die on a Jewish holiday.”“Which one?” Obama asks, nervously.“It doesn’t matter” replied the psychic. “Whenever you die, it’ll be a Jewish holiday.”
One evening an avid bird watcher stood in his backyard and heard an owl hoot. So he thought he’d give a hoot back. To his surprise and delight, the bird hooted again. The next night the same scenario occurred.
All summer, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. He even kept a log of the “conversations.”
Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in inter species communication, his wife, had a chat with her next door neighbor.
“My husband spends his nights calling to owls,” the wife commented.
“That’s odd,” the neighbor replied. “So does my husband.”
Then it dawned on them…
all I can do is ask.
In a recent news conference, Deanna Favre announced that she will be the starting Quarterback for the Green Bay Packers football team next season.
Deanna asserts that she is qualified to be the starting QB because she has spent 16 years married to Brett while he played QB for the Packers—even though she has actually never played football at any level from grade school up. She ever ran the offense of any team, nor ever played the game.
While Brett was playing, she became familiar with the definition of a corner blitz, the nickel package, man-to-man coverage, and she is now completely comfortable with all the other terminology involved in the Packers’ offense. A survey of Packers fans shows that 50% of those polled supported the her plan.
Does this sound idiotic and unbelievable—or familiar to you?
Hillary Clinton makes the same claims as to why she is qualified to be the President of the United States, and 50% of Democrats polled agree.
She has never run a city, county, or state during her “career” as being Bill Clinton’s wife. When told Hillary Clinton has experience because she has 8 years in the White House, my immediate thought was, “So does the pastry chef, and the person who picks up dog droppings from the White House Lawn.”
Relative to her running of the State Department, her biggest achievement was allowing a US Ambassador and three other Americans to be killed by pretending terrorism had been defeated….. Her words still echo…”what difference does it make”
With Lethal and his buses, I’m pretty sure it’s trying to run me over!
Damn! That’s gonna leave a mark!
We do these special Public Service Announcements every-now-and-then but when we do, you really need to pay attention. So, put down the coffee for a second and listen up.
With Christmas having just passed and the probability of at least one of you getting one of these as a gift, Lethal sent me this article with the suggestion I run it today. So here it is:
Keurig recalls nearly 7 million coffee makers
Water can overheat and spray during brewing, causing burns
So, check it out my friends.
I’m gonna go with too cheesy…but, she probably said yes. Lots of girls seem to like this sort of schmaltz.
This next one was sent in by my dad, Papa Dragon Most Senior. It is a real winner. Here’s what he had to say about it:
Well said, sir! Well said! You are receiving a standing ovation from many of us out here who are seeing it on video, rather than live. It’s about time somebody stood up and said something.
Got this as a gift. I like it a lot. I drink out of it all the time. I know. It’s almost a bit cannibalistic, like how many humans do you know who drink out of a human shaped coffee mug, but still. I like it a lot.
Hey! That looks like the exact same model. Well, I’ll be.
Oh Gawd! That was awful!
I’m not sure that there is anyone out there who doesn’t know that this dragon is a huge Green Bay Packer fan. Have been since I was just a little lizard and I read a biography on Bart Starr. Well, my dad sent me this very interesting article that I’m going to share with you.
By the way…I’m also a Colts fan, but I have to be. It’s a requirement to live in Indiana.
This was in the Desert News, the Salt Lake City newspaper.
Maybe the only truly romantic thing left in American sports:
The Green Bay Packers!
Seriously, America , what’s not to like about the Green Bay Packers? What’s not to like about a small-town team that is not only surviving, but thriving in the billion-dollar business of professional football? There is nothing like them in professional sports.
Think about what an oddity they are. Teams have come and gone in the NFL in a continuous game of musical chairs.
– the Baltimore Colts moved to Indianapolis ,
– the Cleveland Browns to Baltimore,
– the Oakland Raiders to L.A. and back to Oakland ,
– the Cardinals from Chicago to St. Louis to Phoenix,
– the Los Angeles Rams to St. Louis.
But the Packers have stayed in tiny Green Bay, Wis. since their birth in 1919.
America ‘s second biggest city, Los Angeles, with a population of 4 million, doesn’t even have a franchise, but Green Bay, with a population of 101,000, does! It’s like plunking down a team in the middle of Sandy, Utah.
They are the smallest market in pro sports. Green Bay ‘s metro area – if you stretch the definition of “metro” – is 283,000.
Buffalo, the next smallest in sports, has 1.1 million.
New York City has 8.5 million in the city limits alone, 19 million in the metro area.
What’s not to like about a team that was dreamed up during a street-corner conversation one day?
Curly Lambeau, a former Green Bay prep star and Notre Dame football player, hatched the idea and convinced his employer, the Indian Packing Company, to buy uniforms and provide a practice field. In turn, the team called itself the Packers.
Lambeau was the team’s first star player (for 11 years) and its first coach (for 30 years) and – you’ve got to like this – he pioneered the forward pass in the NFL.
What’s not to like about the last small-town survivor of the National Football League? In the early ’20s, the fledgling NFL consisted almost entirely of small-town teams like Green Bay. the Decatur Staleys, Akron Pros, Canton Bulldogs, Muncie Flyers, Rochester Jeffersons, Rock Island Independents.
Green Bay found a way to keep the Packers – the community bought them .
What’s not to like about a team that is owned by its fans? The Packers are the only publicly owned team in professional sports. There’s no Jerry Jones, George Steinbrenner or Daniel Snyder in Green Bay. The other teams have one very rich, often reviled, owner; the Packers have 112,000 shareholders or 112,000 Monday-morning quarterbacks who are legally entitled to kibbitz.
They’ve rescued the team from financial hardship four times – in 1923, ’35, ’50 and ’97. Without them, the team simply would not exist.
What’s not to like about this team? Apparently, not much.
Despite their small-town roots – or perhaps because of it – they have courted a world-wide following. According to a 2010 Harris poll, the Packers are still the third most popular team in the country, 40 years after their glory years.
Someone once asked the late former NFL commissioner Pete Rozelle to name the best football city in America . ” Green Bay ,” he replied. “A small town. People owning their own football team. Rabid supporters.”
The Packers have one of the longest waiting lists for season tickets in pro sports, some 80,000 deep (Lambeau Field seats only 78,000). The average wait for season tickets is estimated to be 30 years, but if you added your name to the list now you probably wouldn’t get tickets in your lifetime.
Packer fans are known to leave season tickets in their wills or to place newborn babies on the waiting list. Packer games have been sold out since 1960. “I’m a ‘green and gold’ season ticket holder and have some voting stock in the team,” explains Walt Mehr, a Utah resident who grew up in Eagle River, Wis., just north of Green Bay. “It took me 23 years to get season tickets.
We have a big shareholders meeting in July and vote. We were involved with remodeling of the stadium. As season-ticket holders we had to put up money for that – $5,000. My tickets are in my will.”
It’s every fan’s dream – they get to help run the team.. You’ve got to like that.
What’s not to like about a team that has been an almost mythical force since joining the NFL in 1921?
They’ve won 13 championships – nine NFL titles in the pre-Super Bowl era, and four Super Bowls – and no one else is close to matching them. They won the first two Super Bowls . They won five championships in seven years during the ’60s. They’re the only team that’s ever won three in a row.
The city’s nickname is “Titletown.”
They have 21 Hall of Famers, second only to the Chicago Bears.
They are a team of legends – Starr, Nitschke, Taylor, Lombardi, Davis, Hornung, Kramer, Gregg, Hutson, Lambeau, Favre.
What’s not to like about a team that is so entrenched in the community in such a personal way? It’s big-time football in a small-town way that has been lost as the NFL has grown.
This is the town that spawned the Lambeau Leap – players leaping into the arms of fans behind the end zone after a touchdown, a routine that has since been adopted throughout the league. It symbolizes the close connection between the team and the fans, like so many other things.
Green Bay ‘s stadium is bordered by the back yards of middle-class neighborhoods. The players live in regular neighborhoods, with the fans. “Unlike the other NFL cities, where players can live in mansions away from the masses, Green Bay has no real ‘affluent’ suburbs,” says Vai Sikahema, a former Packer and BYU player. “And because of the frigid weather, everyone had second homes in warmer places. So the players lived in modest homes in regular neighborhoods.”
“Playing for the Packers and living in Green Bay is generally the way it was in the ’60’s when Vince Lombardi lived there. The house we rented was rented by a host of former Packers, dating back to the great running back Jim Taylor. “Another player rented a home once lived in by Bart Starr . That creates this extra unique bond with the fan base.
On Tuesdays, our day off, we’d walk our children to the bus stop and all the dads would go in late so they could walk their own kids and talk football with us at the bus stop. My wife had play dates with regular moms on our street, as opposed to the closed, elitist ‘wives club’ on other teams.”
There is a tradition in Green Bay that has received considerable publicity over the years. Kids wait for Packer players outside the locker room and often use their bikes to ride to the practice field. The kids hold the players’ helmets and jog alongside the players as they ride the kids’ bikes to practice. Who couldn’t like that? “I was one of those kids who ran next to a player while he rode my bike to the practice field from the locker room,” says Mark Stimpson, a Salt Lake resident who grew up in Green Bay. “We did it every day during the summer. I had a metallic green stingray bike. I’d wait by the locker room. The player would hand me his helmet. The players wouldn’t pedal the bikes. They were too big. They’d just stick their legs out and coast because it’s a down-hill walk to the field. We’d talk to them while we walked beside them. Then, during practice we’d watch the guy who rode our bike. It was a fun time. The players were great to us.”
Sikahema remembers the bike routine, as well. “The bikes are one of those unique things in Green Bay that allow fans, especially kids, to get to know the players in a personal way,” he says. “I stayed in touch with the kid whose bike I used through his college years and his wedding. He’s now in his mid-30s. His name is Aaron Smet. When I was there, a bunch of poor kids didn’t have bikes to lend to the players and (teammate) Sterling Sharpe had Wal-Mart deliver to the complex a tractor trailer full of bikes that he gave away to less fortunate kids.”
Stimpson recalls seeing Willie Wood , Ray Nitschke , Elijah Pitts and Bart Starr around town when he was a kid. The Packers were one of them. His sister, Mary Nelson, babysat for reserve quarterback Zeke Bratkowski.” Zeke lived around the corner from us,” says Nelson. “After the games some of the players would come over to Zeke’s house. I got to meet Bart Starr, Jerry Kramer and Max McGee and their wives. Every time I baby sat Zeke’s kids he would walk me home.”
What’s not to like about a town that is all about its team? Green Bay businesses are Packer themed.
The streets are named after Packers – Lombardi, Ray Nitschke, Brett Favre, Mike Holmgren, Don Hutson, Reggie White, Bart Starr, Tony Canadeo. Even the official Green Bay website is all about the local football team.
The town shuts down during games; churches schedule around the Packers, then open their parking lots for Packer fans. “The streets are empty during the games,” says Stimpson. “When I was a boy I could ride my bike down the middle of the street because there was no traffic.”
What’s not to like about a team that won the Ice Bowl, one of the greatest games ever played?
It was the 1967 NFL Championship game in Green Bay, and the temperature was minus-13 degrees , with a wind-chill hovering around 50 below. Rick Delacenserie, who grew up in the Green Bay area and now lives in Park City, watched the Packer practices as a boy and witnessed the Ice Bowl from the same end zone where Starr scored the game-winning touchdown. “I spent most of the third quarter in the bathroom,” he recalls. “It was packed in there. Everyone was trying to get warm. Someone brought a hacksaw and cut up the goal posts. All I got was some of the foam they wrapped around the post.” You’ve got to love a team that inspires fans to brave sub-zero weather.
After the Super Bowl victory that followed the Ice Bowl , the Packers went into decline for 25 years until the Favre years arrived in the early ’90s , the Packers still inspired fierce loyalty and love.
“The only thing you can see on the horizon is Lambeau Field ,” says Mehr, who pauses to choke back tears before continuing. “I get chills when I see it. On a beautiful clear day, omigosh.”
For his part, Stimpson left home decades ago to attend BYU and settle in Utah . He doesn’t follow sports as he once did, and the game has changed, and yet he still says this: “The Packers are so much a part of you. The Packers still have a certain pull. They always will.” You’ve got to like that!
I hope you enjoyed reading a little bit about my favorite team. If you’re a Packers fan, let me hear from you. Until next time…