Sheesh! What’s this my 4th ‘Special Edition’ in a row?! I’d say I was feeling over works and underpaid except I’d have to be getting paid to do this in the first place!

As you can tell from the opening banner, yet again Impish is in the lime light today. In fact he’s spending so much time in it lately I’m frankly surprised he hasn’t turned lime green as yet.

No, I’m not being excessively cranky about things, actually I’m kicking off a surprise for Impish in honor of his Wedding Anniversary. I figured after 20 years they deserved a special accolade, so welcome to the DL?LL Digital Media Enterprises Roast of Mr. & Mrs. Impish Dragon’s marriage! Well ok, mostly Impish’s side of it because frankly I’ve seen Mrs. Dragon get mad and while I’m not publically permitted to mention her mythical lineage, quite frankly I’m loathe to have her mad at me!

 

Just think Impish if you’d been in jail for murder you’d be out now!

Mrs. Dragon and Impish were sitting around the breakfast table one lazy morning.

He suddenly said, ‘Darling, if I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all my stuff.’

‘Now why would you want me to do something like that?’ she asked.

‘I figure that you would eventually remarry, and I don’t want some other asshole using my stuff….’

‘What makes you think I’d marry another Dragon?”

At least that’s what Impish claims, but then again….

Irish Descendants – Step it out Mary

 

Well? We’re all waiting Impish! What’s the answer? Enquiring minds (and Mrs. Dragon) want to know which you pick!

One day Impish and Mrs. Dragon were working outside. When Mrs. Dragon bent over to tend some flowers Impish remarked “Gee honey your backside has certainly grown..I think its larger than the grill!”

Not one to leave well enough alone, count his blessings that he could still see, wasn’t in the hospital or that Mrs. Dragon wasn’t calling the Leprechaun for a really big body disposal favor, Impish locates a tape measure and measures both.

“I was right hun your backside is two inches broader than our grill!”

Once again Mrs. Dragon in a Herculean feat of self control says nothing and refrains from committing mayhem or justifiable homicide.

That night our favorite(?) dragon finds himself feeling..well, a little Impish and amorous shall we say, but Mrs. Dragon soundly and frostily rebuffs him saying, “What?!  Do you really expect me to get this big old grill all fired  up for just your one Vienna Frankfurter? Oh Hells no!”

Mr. &Mrs. Impish Dragon are  celebrating their 20th wedding anniversary in their home early this morning.

“Just think,” the old man says, “we were sitting here at this same breakfast table, naked as jaybirds, 20 years ago.”

“Well,” Mrs. Dragon snickers naughtily, “what do you say, do you think we should get naked?”

The two chuckle and proceed to slowly strip to what God gave them. Then they sit back down at the table, staring at each other.  

“You know, honey,” Mrs. Dragon says slyly, “My breasts burn for you now just as they did 50 years ago.”

“I’m not surprised,” replies Impish. “One’s in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!”

 

 

NEEDTOBREATHE “Brother”  unplugged

Apparently in the course of roasting someone it’s customary to say a few nice things about the person while having an entire evening’s (issue’s) laughs at there expense. So here’s one for my brother from another mother.

Lyrics:

“Brother”

Ramblers in the wilderness we can’t find what we need
Get a little restless from the searching
Get a little worn down in between
Like a bull chasing the matador is the man left to his own schemes
Everybody needs someone beside em’ shining like a lighthouse from the sea

Brother let me be your shelter
I’ll never leave you all alone
I can be the one you call
When you’re low
Brother let me be your fortress
When the night winds are driving on
Be the one to light the way
Bring you home

Face down in the desert now there’s a cage locked around my heart
I found a way to drop the keys where my failures were
Now my hands can’t reach that far
I ain’t made for a rivalry I could never take the world alone
I know that in my weakness I am strong, but
It’s your love that brings me home

Brother let me be your shelter
I’ll never leave you all alone
I can be the one you call
When you’re low
Brother let me be your fortress
When the night winds are driving on
Be the one to light the way
Bring you home

And when you call and need me near
Sayin’ where’d you go?
Brother I’m right here
And on those days when the sky begins to fall
You’re the blood of my blood
We can get through it all
Brother let me be your shelter
I’ll never leave you all alone
I can be the one you call
When you’re feelin’ low

Brother let me be your fortress
When the night winds are driving on
Be the one to light the way
Bring you home

Brother let me be your shelter
I’ll never leave you all alone
I can be the one you call
When you’re low
Brother let me be your fortress
When the night winds are driving on
Be the one to light the way
Bring you home
Be the one to light the way
Bring you home

The happy couple on their Joining Day

Impish was in his new back yard trying to launch a kite. he threw the kite up in the air, the wind would catch it for a few seconds, then it would come crashing back down to earth.
 
He tried this a few more times with no success.
 
All the while, Mrs. Dragon is watching from the kitchen window, muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.
 
She opens the window and yelled to Impish, “You need a piece of tail.”
 
Impish turned with a confused look on his face and yelled back, “Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite.”

All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom. The bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand.
The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even the priest smiled broadly.
As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card.

Unfortunately about 10 minutes later Impish as forced to relinquish his to her before she’d let him put the ring on her finger.

The High Kings – Red Is The Rose

 

A couple meets with the minister of the Church to discuss their marriage vows.
“Pastor” said (the soon to be) Mrs. Dragon; “we wonder if we could make a change in the wording of our ceremony.”
“Yes,“replied the pastor, “It is sometimes done. What do you have in mind?”
“Well, said (the soon to be) Mrs. Dragon; looking at Impish openly, “we’d like to alter the ‘until death do us part’ section to read, ‘Substantial penalty for early withdrawal.’”

The Dean Martin Roasts – Jackie Gleason

Impish I wish I could have done this good by you pal!

After all you and Jackie have so much in common…your size, your likeability, you were both carried by you’re side kicks, your both successful comedians…you’re both rich…you’re both known as The Great One..both your wives patiently put up with you….uhh I think I’d better quit while you’re still ahead.

My understanding is one of these is a top priority on Impish’s new home improvements list. I also understand one of Mrs. Dragons top priorities is a pair of heavy sliding dead bolts for the top side of the hatch!

The Wedding Song, Paul Stookey

Just remember you two-

May you always have walls for the winds,
a roof for the rain, tea beside the fire,
laughter to cheer you, those you love near you,
and all your heart might desire.

May St. Patrick guard you wherever you go,
and guide you in whatever you do–
and may his loving protection be a blessing to you always.

SLAINTE!

Good Morning Campers,

As Lethal mentioned on Wednesday, Mrs. Dragon and I are now officially house owners.  This process has been going on now for several weeks, and I didn’t mention it before now because … well … quite honestly, I didn’t want to jinx it.  I was quite sure that as soon as I mentioned it officially here on Dragon Laffs, everything would fall through.

But, it’s now complete.  All we have to do is move in.

Have I ever mentioned how much I hate moving?  Yes.  Many years in the military, moving all over the world, and I swear to you each and every time is worse than the last.

I hate it.

Truly!

One week from today is the big move.  In the mean time, we’ve been moving some stuff over, boxes and stuff, but on the 18th, I’ll have some help, rent a truck and we’re moving down the road.

Really and truly, I hate it.

So, here’s a quick couple of pictures of our new house and then we’ll get on with the ezine.

This is the front of our house from the street:

Nice, I know, right?

And here is the best part…the back of the house:

You can’t really see it from this picture, but there are two sets of decks and this pergola:

And to the left, at the bottom of the picture, that’s a koi pond with live fish:

Which of course the girls just love to death.

But, that’s enough about that.  Now…

John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully, “Give me one last request, dear,” he said.
“Of course, John,” his wife said softly.
“Six months after I die,” John said, “I want you to marry Bob.”
“But I thought you hated Bob,” she said..
With his last breath John said, “I do!”

 

By the Gods of all Dragons, how many times have we talked about this same problem?!  This one topic alone pisses me off more than so many others.  It’s too damn easy to suck on the government teat and not work.  It should be hard.  But then again, I think stupidity ought to hurt more than it does.

 

Thanks to Lethal for pointing this one out…Monday, 13 July, is National French Fries Day

According to The Chive (http://thechive.com) “Just go to town on the damn things.  Rumor has it they have no calories on their special day.”
They are one of America’s favorite food.  And all the things you can do with them…well…I’ll bet our favorite Celtic Chef would have a LOT more ideas on that than I would, but if you can think of it, someone’s probably tried it.

 

A hand grenade can go off in 4 to 5 seconds. 

Ever hear the saying, “Throws like a girl”? In the (new) Marine Corps (with women in combat), this is what it looks like… filmed on location at Camp Pendelton, CA.

Always remember, once the pin is removed, Mr. Grenade is no longer our friend.

 

Ever since I was a child, I have always had a fear that someone was hiding under my bed at night,
so I finally went to a shrink and told him ‘I have got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there
is somebody under my bed!! I’m scared. I think I’m going crazy.’

‘Just put yourself in my hands for one year,’ said the shrink. ‘Come talk to me three times a week
and we should be able to get rid of those fears.’

‘How much do you charge?’ I asked. ‘Eighty dollars per visit,’ replied the doctor. ‘I will sleep on it,’
I said. Six months later the doctor met me on the street. ‘Why did you not come to see me, about
those fears you were having?’ he asked.

‘Well, eighty bucks a visit, three times a week for a year, is $12,480.00. A bartender cured me for
$10.00. I was so happy to have saved all that money, that I went & bought me a new pickup truck.’

‘Is that so,’ With a bit of an attitude the shrink said, ‘And how, may I ask, did a Bartender cure you?’
‘He told me to cut the legs off the bed. Ain’t nobody under there now.’

FORGET THE SHRINKS. HAVE A DRINK, AND TALK TO A BARTENDER!

IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO GET A SECOND  OPINION.

 

I just really like this guy.  This is some really good animation and very expressive.  I’d love to have more like this one.

 

My Dad, Papa Dragon Most Senior, sent me the following heartwarming story…

THE NIGHT WATCHMAN

Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert.

Congress said, “Someone may steal from it at night.” So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.

Then Congress said, “How does the watchman do his job without instruction?”

So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.

Then Congress said, “How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?”

So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One was to do the studies and one was to write the reports.

Then Congress said, “How are these people going to get paid?”

So they created two positions: a time keeper and a payroll officer then hired two people.

Then Congress said, “Who will be accountable for all of these people?”

So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.

Then Congress said, “We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $918,000 over budget, we must cut back.”

So they laid-off the night watchman.

NOW slowly, let it sink in.

Quietly, we go like sheep to slaughter. Does anybody remember the reason given for the establishment of the DEPARTMENT OF ENERGY during the Carter administration?

Anybody?

Anything?

No?

Didn’t think so!

Bottom line is, we’ve spent several hundred billion dollars in support of an agency, the reason for which very few people who read this can remember!

Ready??

It was very simple… and at the time, everybody thought it very appropriate.

The Department of Energy was instituted on 8/04/1977, TO LESSEN OUR DEPENDENCE ON FOREIGN OIL.

Hey, pretty efficient, huh?

AND NOW IT’S 2015 — 38 YEARS LATER — AND THE BUDGET FOR THIS “NECESSARY” DEPARTMENT IS AT $24.2 BILLION A YEAR. IT HAS 16,000 FEDERAL EMPLOYEES AND APPROXIMATELY 100,000 CONTRACT EMPLOYEES; AND LOOK AT THE JOB IT HAS DONE!

(THIS IS WHERE YOU SLAP YOUR FOREHEAD AND SAY, “WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?”)
38 years ago 30% of our oil consumption was foreign imports. Today 70% of our oil consumption is foreign imports.

Ah, yes — good old Federal bureaucracy.

NOW, WE HAVE TURNED OVER THE BANKING SYSTEM, HEALTH CARE, AND THE AUTO INDUSTRY TO THE SAME GOVERNMENT?

Hello!! Anybody Home?

Signed….The Night Watchman

 

Thanks Dad.  You know we give you these great stories, we share true experiences with you, and we even tell you out-right what’s going on.  I hope you are not only listening, but passing this on to your friends and family.  It’s time to stand up and be counted.

 

 

How about some more Golf jokes for my Dad and all the rest of you golfers out there…

 

 

I understand that Al Sharpton and associates are asking for South Carolina to do the same thing.  Perhaps it is them that is behind the CNN story?

 

 

Here’s one of our security specialists and her mount on deep patrol.  They’ve paused here to take a break when this picture was taken. 

 

 

 

 

 

So, my little dragonette told me a joke a minute ago…

Izzy: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Dad: I don’t know, why?
Izzy: To get to the idiot’s house.
Dad: <Quizzical Look>
Izzy: Knock, Knock
Dad: Who’s there?
Izzy: The chicken

Dad: Chagrined!

 

 

“Not a chance,” says the husband, “it is 3:00 in the morning!”
He slams the door and returns to bed

“Who was that?” asked his wife.

“Just some drunk guy asking for a push,” he  answers.

“Did you help him?” she asks. “No, I did not, it is 3:00 in  the morning and it is pouring rain out there!”

“Well, you have a short memory,” says his wife. “Can’t you remember about three months ago when we  broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should  help him,       you  should be ashamed of yourself! God loves drunk people too.

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, “Hello, are you still there?”

“Yes,” comes back the answer. Do you still need a push?” calls out the husband.

“Yes, please!” comes the reply from the dark.

“Over here on the swing ,” replied the drunk.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As you get off the elevator at the Conference Room level Lethal favors for presenting his issues you are met by DL/LL staffers who check each of you over critically under the watchful eye of a pair of CyberLethals. You are cautioned for your own safety to remove anything that jingles jangles click clops beeps buzzes or otherwise makes noise and place them in what they claim are sound proof bags. You are cautioned to place your phones on silent though they strongly recommend you turn them completely off. All this is being conducted barely above the level of a whisper.

When you ask what this is for or about you are informed it is a safety precaution due to a currently on going medical issue with the Ninja Kitties. You become concerned and inquire if its contagious. You’re inform that it is in fact not contagious as its not possible to transfer an epic hangover in between humans let alone interspecies.

As you enter the Conference Room you see that it is set up as is usual post party around here. there is a 2 bay treatment area from Hangover Heaven replete with medical chairs Oxygen & IV materials in the back corner partially concealed by screens. Several the the HH team are passing among the assembled offering analgesics, sunglasses, Gatorade and other post party relief materials. A CyberLethal at the door hands you a pair of headphones instructing to you wear them for the issue as the normal pre issue address will be done over them to insure maximum quiet.

You notice three other things as well. The first being the scent of real Lethal Brown Gold Coffee coming from the urn in the cheap seats. Secondly you notice a preponderance of sleeping cats not curled up (though a few are) but generally sprawled out all over the room. The third being that every video monitor in the room is scrolling or flashing the same message:

Let Sleeping Cats Lay! DO NOT Startle, Frighten, Rouse, Awaken or Otherwise Disturb Sleeping Cats! IF one climbs in your lap or arms LET IT! This is for your own safety!

YOU might have ONE beauty of a hangover but THEY HAVE NINE!

IGNORE THIS WARNING AT YOUR OWN (DIRE) PERIL!

As you’re taking all this in you see Impish on the stage apparently having made use of the freight elevator off stage slow and carefully making his way to his place on stage holding himself some what stiffly & awkwardly. It’s then you notice Bruce the Brutal perched on Impish head between his horns sleeping half on his back and snoring loudly with his tail wrapped about Impish’s left ear. Impish appears to be wearing some sort of leather vest like garment and at least one of the pouches on the front of it sports a head and front paws of a sleeping cat lolling out of it while another appears to have a tail protruding from it.

Lethal has just made his way into the room and is carefully stepping around/over a few cats on the stairs to the stage. As he turns to face you you can see Chais unhappy face peering out of blood shot Azure eyes grumpily regarding you from inside Lethal’s vest  before making a rude sounding noise lowering her head and covering her eyes with a paw and grumbling.

Seeing Impish’s predicament and how uncomfortablly he’s straining not to disturb Brutus Lethal takes piety on him and motions for the CyberLethals to take the podium he normally uses over to Impish so he might use it as a chin rest and give his neck and shoulders a respite. Ishish sighs and regards Lethal greatfully giving him a thumbs up.

Lethal lowers a mic on his head set into place looks around the room and then his lips start moving. You hasten to don your head set.

…Folks! I see some of you are still pretty well the worse for wear. Hang in there hopefully the ministrations of the Hangover Heaven Crew, the analgesics, coffee and the shooters of Bailey’s for the coffee will bring you around.. I call your attention to the room doors which are now closed and sealed. this is because I’m having pure Oxygen pumped in under slightly hire than normal atmospheric pressure to help you all with your hangovers. By the time you finish the issue and you coffee the hyperbaric treatment should be done and have worked whatever magic its going to on you. As for those of you whom look like extras for some cheesy SciFI Invasion of the Lobstermen movie, all I can suggest is that you try to avoid any large tubs of drawn butter for a few days.

We do have one special announcement this morning but given how bad the majority of you still appear I think we’d better do the coffee first and then make that announcement.

And now that Announcement I spoke of…

From all of us (real & imaginary) here at DL/LL Digital Media Enterprises

Here’s your present!

And here’s a little advice from someone older than you (I know hard to believe right?) on growing old:

Whoops! Too Late!

Well according to her:

But according to Impish’s Research (which I counseled against)…

Ginny is so old her birth certificate is in Roman numerals & expired.
Ginny is so old, when she was a kid rainbows were black and white.
Ginny is so old, she walked into an antique shop and they put a price on her.
Ginny is so old if she were a car it would be time to roll back her odometer.
Ginny is so old Jurassic Park brought back memories.
Ginny is so old one of her pets was on on Noah’s Ark.
Ginny is so old she left her purse on Noah’s Ark.
Ginny is so old her social security number is 1.
Ginny is so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince
.Ginny is so old she knew Captain Crunch while he was still a private.
Ginny is so old she knew Mr. Clean when he had an afro.
Ginny is so old when she was a kid there was no Old Spice it was called baby spice
Ginny is so old they put her in a museum instead of an old folks home.
Ginny is  so old, she looks in the mirror and says “Mirror, Mirror on the wall..WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?”
Ginny is so old the candles cost more than the birthday cake.
Ginny is so old the fire department are on standby when you light her birthday cake.
Ginny is  so old, the candles on her birthday cake raised earths temperature by 3 degrees.

Poor Impish! That dude can never catch a break! Not even in that other reality he insists is his real life. He was so happy to finally have a place of his own where he really could be king of his own castle without having to ask some property management company “please sir might I have permission to…”

The coach had put together the perfect team for the Cleveland Browns. The only thing missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn’t find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.  

Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in the West Bank . In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Israeli soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away.  KABOOM!
He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney. KA-BLOOEY!
Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.  BULLS-EYE!

“I’ve got to get this guy!” Coach said to himself. “He has the perfect Arm!”
So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Browns go on  to win the Super Bowl.

The young man is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants,  all the young man wants is to call his Mother.

“Mom,” he says into the phone, “I just won the Super Bowl!”

“I don’t want to talk to you,” the old woman says.  “You are not my son!”

“I don’t think you understand, Mother,” the young man pleads. “I’ve won the greatest sporting event  in the world.  I’m here among thousands of my adoring fans.”

“No! Let me tell you!” his mother retorts. “At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn’t get raped!”  The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says,…

“I will never forgive you for making us move to Cleveland!”

An air traffic control tower suddenly lost communication with a small twin engine aircraft. A moment later the tower land line rang and was answered by one of the employees.

The passenger riding with the pilot who lost communications was on a cellular phone and yelled “Mayday, mayday!! The pilot had an instant and fatal heart attack. I grabbed his cell phone out of his pocket and he had told me before we took off he had the tower on his speed dial memory. I am flying upside down at 18,000 feet and traveling at 180 mph. Mayday, mayday!”

The employee in the tower had put him on speaker phone immediately. “Calm down, we acknowledge you and we’ll guide you down after a few questions. The first thing is not to panic, remain calm!”.

He began his series of questions:

Tower : ” How do you know you are traveling at 18,000 feet?”

Aircraft: “I can see that it reads 18,000 feet on the Altimeter dial in front of me.”

Tower: “Okay, that’s good, remain calm. How do you know you’re traveling at 180 mph?”

Aircraft: “I can see that it reads 180 mph on the Airspeed dial in front of me.”

Tower: Okay, this is great so far, but it’s heavily overcast, so how do you know you’re flying upside down?”

Aircraft : ” “The shit in my pants is running out of my shirt collar

Breathtaking ruins of the Soviet space shuttle program

(CNN)What was once the gleaming pride and joy of the Soviet space program now lies covered in dirt and bird droppings in a disused hangar in Kazakhstan.

With their broken windows, missing tiles and ransacked interiors, these shuttles are a haunting — and fascinating — piece of space history, rarely seen by the outside world.

Indeed, when 36-year-old Russian photographer Ralph Mirebs discovered the derelict shuttles and rocket at Baikonur Cosmodrome, he was touched by the sad end for these “wonderful winged machines.”

In another lifetime, these prototypes are thought to have been part of the Soviets’ Buran Program, which began in 1974 and was discontinued in 1993.

To see the rest of the amazing photos click here

 

Ask Impish, one should never challenge a Kitty-Fu master! At least, not without stock in a band-aid company!

 

We know Ginny darlin’ and its ok. We still love you despite the blonde syndrome you suffer!

The 3 worst companies at protecting your data

When it comes to keeping your data secure, not all businesses are created equal. That’s why the Electronic Frontier Foundation created a report card to let you know how well popular tech companies are protecting your data from government snoops.

It looked at all sorts of businesses, from cell service providers to gadget manufacturers, and the results are quite surprising.

According to the EFF,

Congress … dragged its feet on halting the NSA’s indiscriminate surveillance of online communications and has yet to enact the strong reforms we deserve. Congress is even on the precipice of making things far worse, considering proposals that would mandate government backdoors into the technology we rely on to digitally communicate.

The EFF judged companies based on 5 basic criteria: Follows Industry Accepted Best Practices, Tells Users About Government Data Demands, Discloses Policies on Data Retention, Discloses Government Content Removal Requests, and Pro-user Public Policy: opposes backdoors.

The EFF took a look at 24 companies in total, and three stood out as the worst at protecting your data. Who are the culprits? That would be AT&T, Verizon and WhatsApp. AT&T and WhatsApp only met one of the EFF’s criteria, and Verizon met two.

The report wasn’t all bad news, though. Nine companies received five-star ratings from EFF. Adobe, Apple, CREDO, Dropbox, Sonic, Wickr, Wikimedia, WordPress.com and Yahoo each met all five pieces of the EFF’s data security criteria. You can see every single company’s results in the EFF’s chart below, and you can access the full report here to read about how your favorite companies faired.

http://www.komando.com/happening-now/313346/the-3-worst-companies-at-protecting-your-data/all

After all the work in the last 10 days on issues plus all the stuff going on here at Keebler Towers I’m taking the easy way out today with a couple of video recipes before one actual sure to please recipe.

The Colder, Better Way To Have Iced Coffee

 

If you know me then you know coffee making and consumption is a very serious subject with me, one I don’t take lightly. I approve of and personally make these myself. I tried one with a  single glass I had here and actually went out and bought glasses to do this with. This is one of the very few times I would recommend possibly considering a flavored coffee, within reasonable limits of course!

3-Ingredient Pancakes You Need To Try

 

Charleston Cheese Dip

 

Total Time: 25 min
Prep: 10 min
Cook: 15 min
Yield: 10 servings
Level: Easy

 

 

 

 

Ingredients

1/2 cup mayonnaise
One 8-ounce package cream cheese, softened
1 cup grated sharp Cheddar cheese
1/2 cup grated Monterey Jack cheese
2 green onions, finely chopped
1 dash cayenne pepper
8 butter crackers, crushed, such as Ritz
8 slices bacon, cooked and crumbled
Corn chips, crackers or bagel chips, for serving

Directions

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.
In a medium bowl, mix the mayonnaise, cream cheese, Cheddar cheese, Monterey Jack cheese, green onions and cayenne pepper. Transfer the mixture to a shallow baking dish, such as a 9-inch pie pan. Top the mixture with the cracker crumbs and bake until heated through, about 15 minutes.
Remove the pan from the oven and top with the bacon. Serve immediately with corn chips, crackers or bagel chips.

Try it with crabmeat or sautéed mushrooms!

Unexpected Ways to Top Hot Dogs

We don’t get “French country rolls” her in Texas so we go with fresh baguette and usually substitute French Fried Onions from the can chopped up for the potato chips and a little Alouette cheese spread (a whipped cream Brie with Garlic & Herbs in the roll.

Better with bacon, either wrapped around the dog before grilling or from the pouch mixed in the cheese spread. Consider red roasted pepper strips, or grilling the peppers in place of raw.

You got balsamic vinegar? You got ketchup? You got balsamic ketchup. Feeling the need to kick this up? Substitute halved and seeded pickles Italian Cherry peppers for the tomatoes. Better yet do what I do, use the brine from the hot cherry peppers to pickle some cherry tomatoes and use those!

The hell with the Veggie dog! Use a proper dog like Nathans or Hebrew National! Don’t use that jarred Natcho cheese sauce either! <Shudder!> All you need is a little Velveeta and some Salsa and you’re in business.

This is another case where bacon makes it ‘mor beddar!’ Also if you can get them try Alexia brand potato puffs for this. When they come out of the oven hit them right away with a little salt plus onion & garlic powders.

Finally pickled jalapenos are tamer than their fresh counter parts and you can tame them even more by removing the seeds and pith from the center of the slices.

A great switch up to breakfast tacos/burritos, especially when camping (you can get sausage gravy in non refrigerated foil pouches) but they forgot the Colby jack cheese on top and the salsa! The rolls will stand up better to the gravy if you toast them but these are definitely a make them as you eat them item as opposed to making a bunch and sitting them on a platter.

 

 

Ralph Nader: Trump for President? Giving GOP nightmares

Donald Trump, the bombastic builder of Trump towers and Trump gambling casinos, is moving from his reality TV show to the theater of presidential elections.

If he survives the first three months of mass media drubbing him and his notorious affliction of ‘leaving no impulsive opinion behind,’ he’s going to be trouble for the other fifteen or so Republican presidential candidates.

Already the commentators have derided his massive egotitis – he said “I” 195 times in his announcement speech, not counting the 28 times he said “my” or “mine” or the 22 mentions of “me.”

But Trump revels in self-promotion and, as one commentator wrote, “plays the media like a harp.”

If he is still campaigning by Labor Day, watch out Republicans! He will be a big nightmare for Republican contenders – from Jeb Bush to Ted Cruz, from John Kasich to Scott Walker.

Here are some reasons why:

Many American voters love to vote for very rich candidates, whether they are Republicans or Democrats. They believe they can’t be bought. They love business success stories. And being very rich, the media keeps the very rich candidates in the limelight, as do the national polls.

He can pay for his own media. Remember billionaire Ross Perot and his purchase of national television to show his charts on deficits. People laughed.

But Mr. Perot got 19 million votes in 1992, even after dropping out of the campaign in the summer and being labeled a conspiracy theorist before again becoming a candidate in the fall!

Trump regularly and personally attacks the other candidates, which makes for regular news. The other candidates do not like to engage in personal attacks unless under political duress.

Trump turns liabilities into assets, including his vaunted forthcoming disclosures of his net worth – he focused on assets, while ignoring many complex liabilities. While Jeb Bush and Mitt Romney before him tried to play down their wealth, Trump insists he’s worth over ten billion dollars.

He even ridiculed Bush who announced for president without wearing a suit and tie.

To accusations that he has taken public subsidies and eminent domain protections for his giant projects, Trump replies that capital and tax money create jobs and more businesses.

Trump will crowd other candidates out from valuable TV, radio (Rush Limbaugh thinks highly of him) and print space. To adjust, they may have to become more flamboyant, further expanding the circus-like atmosphere of the Republican Primaries, while the Democratic Party leaders chortle.

Some of Trump’s positions have sizable support among Republican voters. He believes in public works programs on a big scale. He talks jobs, jobs, jobs and says he’s the only one among the candidates, who has been creating jobs.

He objects strongly to the trade agreements, including the proposed Trans-Pacific deal now in the news, on the grounds that other countries, such as Japan and China, are superior negotiators and are taking us to the cleaners.

He wants to build a tall wall on the Mexican border. He is against Common Core and federalizing education.

He warned against invading Iraq in some detail, predicting it would expand Iran’s influence. He is for a strong military and talks about the mistreatment of veterans. He exudes self-confidence and attaches it to American national interests.

Having survived tough, acidic New York journalism for years, he is almost scandal-proof. Attacks from his business and political enemies have helped to immunize the big-time scrapper from serious reporting.

He feeds off public cynicism about politics.

If the Republican bigwigs try to exclude or humiliate him, Trump has the means to run as an Independent candidate for president — as Mr. Perot essentially did under the banner of his Reform Party.

Just the prospect of that added nightmare might induce caution at the top levels of the GOP.

He is not going to run out of money and, unlike his competitors, he doesn’t have to spend any precious campaign time dialing for dollars or making campaign promises.

He can hire the smart strategists, speech-writers, election lawyers and primary delegate-seekers.

One hurdle Trump may not be able to surmount is Saturday Night Live. Lorne Michaels, SNL’s forever producer, uses exaggeration and satire to lampoon politicians.

How can he satirize buffoonish satire itself? How can he exaggerate Trump who brags that the master bathroom on his private jet has a 24-karat-gold-plated sink?

Geeze here I am forced to admit two weeks in a row that Ralph Nader has a point!

If next week I have to agree with Hillary or Obama I swear I’m going to have Impish eat me and put me out of my misery!

Isn’t there something in the foretelling of the Apocalypse’s coming about liberals regaining their wisdom?

Ok settle down people!

Next person lighting off a firecracker in my conference room or any other indoors area associated with Dl/LL Digital Media is going to find out pretty quick what happens when a dragon lights  all the fuses to their stash pocket of them at once! That crap stopped being funny in Jr. High and is down right dangerous and stupid!

We clear? GOOD!

And you guys with the super soakers full of ice water- LAY OFF! The wet t-shirt contest is held daily at 3 PM main pool side. Fail to heed me and we’ll have an immediate ‘who shrinks the most when an ice cold super soaker goes off in their pants’ contest!

Before we get this show started a few housekeeping items need to be covered.

1.) PACE YOURSELVES! You have all weekend.

Some of you already look like something any self respecting zombie would turn his falling off his face nose up at and I’m not talking about liberals either! Hang over treatment teams are available both here and on the party mountain. There’s nothing wrong with partying to excess but lets be sure you survive to do it again ok?

Right. Moving on.

2.) To our Canadian readers: I just want to say a belated Happy Canada Day. For those of you who don’t know what Canada Day is or are not Canadian:

Canada Day (French: Fête du Canada) is the national day of Canada, a federal statutory holiday celebrating the anniversary of the July 1, 1867, enactment of the British North America Act, 1867 (today called the Constitution Act, 1867), which united three colonies into a single country called Canada

3.) Lastly but also most importantly:

I want to put a shout out about a noteworthy accomplishment by someone we all know.

That person is none other than my best friend, Fellow instigator/participator of/in  our shared insanity/delusions, my Co-blogging genetically unrelated brother Impish Dragon. He’s done something I have yet to accomplish in life and I am both happy for him and proud of him for making the dream a reality for his family.

To Impish I just want to say…

Ok time to light the fuse on this puppy and watch it blast off!

Ladies, Gentlemen, Jenerites. Please stand for the National Anthem.

United States National Anthem – The Star Spangled Banner
by The United States Army Old Guard Fife and Drum Corps

 

 

Ten Independence Day Items of Trivia About The Bald Eagle:

1. Benjamin Franklin, John Adams and Thomas Jefferson served on the committee that picked the eagle for the national seal [Franklin wanted the turkey].

2. Bald eagles have few natural enemies and live only in North America.
3. Bald eagles get their white head and tail feathers about 4/5 years of age.
4. Bald eagles are not, and never were bald. The term comes from when “bald” meant “white-headed”.
5. Their maximum speed: 40 mph or over 100 mph while in a dive.
6. They can lift roughly half their body weight.
7. The Bald Eagle is no longer considered endangered, and now only threatened.
8. The only other kind of eagle in North America is the golden eagle.
9. Bald eagles mate for life, but if one dies, the survivor will accept a new mate.
10. It is a felony to shoot an eagle.

 

Quiz: Celebrate this Declaration of Independence quiz

http://www.click2houston.com/news/celebrate-this-declaration-of-independence-quiz/26346530

I got 8/10, pretty tough quiz!

You beat the Leprechaun? Brag about it in the comments section!

A little gratuitous something for our resident fly guy!

No More King!

 

Parable For The 4th of July

Once, in the 1820’s, a little boy called Sam was playing in the yard behind his house.  During his pretend fighting game, he knocked over the outhouse.  Now Sam was upset and worried that he would get into trouble so he ran into the woods and didn’t come out until after got dark.  When he arrived back home, his pappy was waiting for him.  He asked suspiciously, “Son, did you knock over the outhouse this afternoon?”

“No, pappy,” Sam lied.

“Well, let me tell you a story,” said the father. “Once, not that long ago, Mr Washington received a shiny new axe from his father.  Excited, he tried it out on a tree, swiftly cutting it down.  But as he looked at the tree, with dismay he realized it was his mother’s favorite cherry tree,” his pappy paused.” just like you, he ran into the woods. When he returned, his pappy asked, ‘George, did you cut down the cherry tree?’  George answered with, ‘Father, I cannot tell a lie. I did indeed chop down the tree.’ Then his father said, ‘Well, since you were honest with me, you are spared from punishment. I hope you have learned your lesson, though.’ So,” the Sam’s father asked again,” did you knock down the outhouse?”

“Pappy, I cannot tell a lie any more.” said the little boy. “I did indeed knock down the outhouse.”

Then his pappy father spanked Sam boy red, white, and blue. The boy whimpered, “Pappy, I told you the truth! Why did you spank me?”

Pappy answered, “That’s because George Washington’s father wasn’t in the tree when he chopped it down!”

Keb’ Mo’ – “America the Beautiful”

 

 

Live on PBS from the West Lawn of the U.S. Capitol!

Saturday, July 4, from 8:00 to 9:30 p.m. ET

On July Fourth, America’s national Independence Day celebration honors our country’s 239th birthday and its own 35 spectacular years on air an all-star musical extravaganza that puts viewers front and center for the greatest display of fireworks anywhere in the nation.. America’s favorite Independence Day celebration is broadcast  live on PBS from the West Lawn of the U.S. Capitol, before a concert audience of hundreds of thousands, millions more at home, and our troops watching around the world on the American Forces Network. This top-rated extravaganza features coverage from 20 cameras positioned around Washington DC, ensuring viewers are front and center for the greatest display of fireworks in the nation.

In the three decades since the humble beginning of A Capitol Fourth, a parade of superstars — including Frankie Valli, Patti LaBelle, John Williams, Stevie Wonder, Aretha Franklin, Reba McEntire, Natasha Bedingfield, Barry Manilow, Neil Diamond, Dolly Parton, Steve Martin, Josh Groban, Gloria Estefan, Huey Lewis and the News, Little Richard, Tony Bennett, Faith Hill, Ray Charles, the Bee Gees, Kenny G, Aaron Neville, Kenny Rogers and the Muppets from Sesame Street — have offered the best in American entertainment and helped set the tone for a spectacular American birthday party.

Schoolhouse Rock – “The Preamble”

 

Father William, the old priest, made it a practice to visit the parish school one day a week. He walked into the 4th grade class, where the children were studying the states, and asked them how many states they could name. They came up with about 40 names.  Father William jokingly told them that in his day students knew the names of all the states.

One lad raised his hand and said, ‘Yes sir, but in those days there were only 13 states.

http://www.pbs.org/a-capitol-fourth/fireworks-fun/history-quiz/

Got 9/11 on this one. Another pretty tough one!

You beat the Leprechaun? Brag about it in the comments section!

Schoolhouse Rock!: America – The Shot Heard ‘Round the World

 

A Few More Party Facility Tour Photos

We were running a bit long on Wednesday’s tour so here are a few items that didn’t make it into that tour.

As you can see our multiple pools are anything but ordinary.

And off a wide range of settings and environments

We didn’t skimp on the poolside lounging areas either

We have activities too- You can get a massage

Build a sand sculpture

Make use of our boathouse on our private lake

to go Canoeing,  Kayaking and/or Fishing. Please for your own safety however I must insist you avoid landing on the island with the castle at all costs.

Watch out for the fish if you chose to go angling. This is after all a magical place and some of the magic  or genetically enhanced specimens has apparently gotten into some stock.

 

If you need anything activities related or have questions please feel free to find and ask Thursday who is serving as Activities Director as well as some damned fine eye candy!

 

 

First Continental Congress

The Declaration of Independence

 

Little Andy Was At His First Day of School

Mrs Whyte, his teacher advises the class that each school day starts with the “Pledge of Allegiance”*** and instructs them to put their right hand over their heart and repeat after her.

As Mrs Whyte starts the recitation she looks around the room, ‘I pledge allegiance to the flag……..’, when her eyes are drawn to Andy who has his hand over the right cheek of his bottom.

‘Andy, I cannot continue till you put your hand over your heart,’ she demands.

Andy looks up and replies, ‘It is over my heart.’

After several more attempts to get Andy to put his hand over his heart, Mrs Whyte enquires, ‘Why do you think that is your heart, Andy?’

‘Well Miss,’ answers Andy, ‘because every time my Grandma comes to visit she pats me there and says, “Bless your little heart,” and my Grandma never lies.’

*** On September 8, 1892 a Boston-based youth magazine – The Youth’s Companion’ published a 22-word recitation for school children to use during planned activities the following month to commemorate the 400th anniversary of Columbus’ discovery of America. Under the title “The Pledge to the Flag”, the composition was the earliest version of what we now know as the Pledge of Allegiance.

As many of you are aware, the Knights of Columbus submitted to congress that the words “Under God” should be added to our pledge of allegiance.  Both Houses of Congress passed the law and it was signed by President Eisenhower  in 1954.

Official versions

(changes in bold italics)

1892

“I pledge allegiance to my flag and the republic for which it stands: one nation indivisible with liberty and justice for all.”

1892 to 1923

“I pledge allegiance to my flag and to the republic for which it stands: one nation indivisible with liberty and justice for all.”

1923 to 1924

“I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States and to the republic for which it stands: one nation indivisible with liberty and justice for all.”

1924 to 1954

“I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands; one nation indivisible with liberty and justice for all.”

1954 to Present

“I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America , and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.”

Do you believe that the word God should stay in American culture?

NBC this morning had a poll on this question.  They had the highest Number of responses that they have ever had for one of their polls, and the Percentage was the same as this:

86% to keep the words, IN God We Trust and God in the Pledge of Allegiance, 14% were against.

That is a pretty ‘commanding’ public response.

Now it is your turn.   It is said that 86% of Americans believe the word God should stay.  Therefore, I have a very hard time understanding why there is such a mess about having ‘In God We Trust’ on our money and having God in the Pledge of Allegiance. Why is the country catering to this 14%?

Pre Battle Speech Independence Day

That speech in the clip above is true for us as well, however our enemies are not fictional aliens from outer space, they’re radical Islamic fundamentalists or ISIS, domestic terrorist and an increasingly tyrannical and overtly big brotherish government trying to turn WE THE PEOPLE into ‘we the sheeple’. Anyway you look at it we’re still fighting for our right to survive. It’s is precisely for these threats foreign and domestic I make the following statement:

I do not advocate violence against government, and I do not want a second civil war in America. I do, however, have a few words for anyone  foreign or domestic of any race, creed, religion, political affiliation, occupation or other walk of life who believes they can control the American People through terrorism, tyranny, aggression or oppression of any kind.

I ‘m here to tell you that, no matter how much you believe you understand the American People, you don’t. No matter how you proceed, you will seriously underestimate the will, creativeness, and fortitude of the American People, thus ultimately creating your own downfall. True Americans, though very patient and peace loving, value liberty, and are neither subjects nor slaves to do any tyrant’s  or religion’s bidding. No matter how massive any efforts to divide or subjugate them, the American people are a force that can and, sooner or later, will come together to unite and defeat any evil.

Advocates of gun rights often argue that in World War II Japan was deterred from invading the U.S. mainland by a fear of American citizens with guns in their closets. They frequently quote Japan’s Admiral Isoroku Yamamoto as saying: “You cannot invade mainland United States. There would be a rifle behind each blade of grass.”  This quote is in fact unsubstantiated and almost certainly bogus, even though it has been repeated thousands of times in various Internet postings. There is no record of the commander in chief of Japan’s wartime fleet ever saying it.

Misquoted, misattributed, made up, mistaken it doesn’t matter. Who said it or if it was ever even actually said has zero bearing on the validity of the statement. Encroach on our freedoms our liberty our our safety and security and we will wait for you in the tall grass, be you a foreign force, foreign or domestic terrorists or our own bent on tyranny government.

Thomas Jefferson wrote the following thoughts-

“When governments fear the people, there is liberty. When the people fear the government, there is tyranny. The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government.”

“Does the government fear us? Or do we fear the government? When the people fear the government, tyranny has found victory. The federal government is our servant, not our master!”

“When the people fear the government, that’s tyranny; when the government fears the people, that’s freedom.”

In the show, The West Wing, one of my favorite Martian Sheen as President Josiah Bartlet quotes is from Season 1 Episode 3 titled ” Proportional Response”. The quotation itself is known as ‘Civus Romanus’-

“Did you know that two thousand years ago a Roman citizen could walk across the face of the known world free of the fear of molestation? He could walk across the Earth unharmed, cloaked only in the protection of the words civis Romanus — I am a Roman citizen. So great was the retribution of Rome, universally understood as certain, should any harm befall even one of its citizens. Where was Morris’s protection, or anybody else on that airplane? Where was the retribution for the families, and where is the warning to the rest of the world that Americans shall walk this Earth unharmed, lest the clenched fist of the most mighty military force in the history of mankind comes crashing down on your house?!”

As brilliant a thinker as Jefferson was I think he was thinking only internally when he made his statements while Pres. Bartlet was thinking only externally. Not only do we need our government to fear WE THE PEOPLE, we need all our enemies to realize that WE THE PEOPLE are the United States, not our government and we are indeed worthy of their fear despite our easy going tolerant nature.  Need proof of this fact? I point you at our greatest generation, who not only fought and died in a war that wasn’t of our making or concern but supplied nearly half of all war materials, weapons and machinery, plus propped up England’s civilian populace at the same time. I point you at those New York Construction works and tradesmen who unbidden by the city assembled their equipment and gear and converged on Ground Zero to hunt for survivors as volunteers, many of whom have died or are currently as a result dying horrible slow deaths and are still proud they did the right thing.

I AM THE LETHAL LEPRECHAUN and I say to all of the enemies foreign or domestic of WE THE PEOPLE OF THESE UNITED STATES-

The eagle born to those who pledged their lives and sacred honor
was smiled upon by God and freed from chains and iron collar.
He is held aloft on unity and by history revered;
for preserving peace through strength his wings now reach
across two hundred years.

I am an American and I’m marching on,
I am a Patriot and this is my song
You are no threat we won’t overcome,

We are AMERICANS and this is our song
WE THE PEOPLE are on the beach,
A Super Power turned killin’ machine,
with a need to bleed you when the light goes green,
and you best believe, you’ve provoked our need

Put a grin on my chin, come at me, ‘cuz we’ll win,
We’re one-of-a-kind and we’ll bring death
to the place you’re about to be:
another river of blood runnin’ under our feet.

Forged in a fire lit long ago, stand with us,
you’ll never stand alone.
We feed on the fear of the devil inside of the
enemy faces in our sights:
aim with the hand, shoot with the mind,
kill with a heart like arctic ice

I am an American and I’m marching on,
I am a Patriot and this is my song
You are no threat we won’t overcome,
We are AMERICANS and this is our song

We’ll bask in the glow of the rising war,
lay waste to the ground of an enemy shore,
wade through the blood spilled on the floor, and if
another threat stands we’ll just kill some more.

Bullet in the breech and liberty in me,
is like a cigarette thrown to gasoline, if
death don’t bring you fear I swear
you’ll fear our marching feet.

Call to your god if we cross your path 
our silhouette hangs like a body bag;
hope is a moment now long past,
the shadow of death is the one we cast.

I am an American and I’m marching on,
I am a Patriot and this is my song
You are no threat we won’t overcome,
We are AMERICANS and this is our song

Now I live lean and I mean to inflict the grief,
and the least of us is still out of your reach.
We The People’s gonna do the deed,
until the river runs dry and our last breath leaves.

Chin in the air with a head held high,
united we’ll stand in the path of the enemy line.
Feel no fear, know our pride:
for God and Country we’ll end your life.

I am an American and I’m marching on,
I am a Patriot and this is my song
You can run, but you won’t hide long,

We are AMERICANS and this is our song
Our resolve is steel and our reach is long,
We are AMERICANS and this is our song
You are no threat we won’t overcome,

I am one of WE THE PEOPLE and this is our song
We made the devil himself turn and run,
I am a Patriot and this is my song
Into the fire I will keep marchin’ on,
We are Americans and this is our song.

Oorah, Liberty, Get Some…

(with all respect for and apologies to the Warrior Project for my purloined & perverted version of  The Warrior Song)

Thank you for your kind attention now all of you get back to finishing the issue before I start the party without you.

38th Annual Macy’s 4th of July Fireworks 

Macy’s massive show is the biggest display in the country, using 40,000 effects in a 25-minute SATURDAY, JULY 4, 2015 WATCH IT LIVE IN NYC OR ON NBC AT 8pm ET or the replay at 10 PM ET

Of course we’ll have this on in all the Pubs

And while you make your dinner menu selection.

[Please excuse my not listing/describing them. I’ve heard reports of the embarrassing Dragon Drool problems that the Patrons area suffered on Wednesday and hope to avoid that this time around as the clean up required was rather extensive as were the dry cleaning bills. Well, ok, except to mention the Flinstone Cut Prime Rib of Bison]

Or ponder your Dessert options

For our more naughty/flirty/frisky  female groupies Impish has even arranged a special dessert sundae! Just flash your dragon or shamrock tattoo to get one.

Yes I know the portion size is anything but impressive. What can I say…its my understanding Impish insisted on modeling for it personally.

Aaron Tippin – Where The Stars & Stripes & The Eagle Fly

 

How one of Napolitano’s US Veteran Home Grown Terrorists gets their mail!!

 

The original Jersey party girl Ginny sent me this one (which might explain why she’s on the floor all the time from wobbly knees co-incidentally)- Just sayin’!

Chocolate Bomb Pudding Shots

Sm Chocolate Instant Pudding
¾ c Kahlua
¾ c Coconut Rum…
4oz Cool Whip (Extra Creamy preferred but not required)

Whisk Kahlua and Instant Pudding together until as thick as it will get (1-2 minutes). Once it has thickened, add Liquor and whisk until all lumps and clumps are gone. Once the mixture is nice and smooth again, whisk in Cool Whip.

Fill almost ¾ of a 1oz plastic shot cup with the mixture then cover and place in the freezer.

It does take several hours to set. For BEST results, I let them set overnight. May use little ice cream tester spoons when serving them.

I’ve not yet tried these, but based on my extensive knowledge of the potables involved, I’ve a few thoughts on this recipe.

Personally I think I’d replace the Coconut Rum with Bailey’s. Kahlua is slightly bitter and coffee flavored and I can’t see where Coconut Chocolate Coffee would ever be a thing.

Now Coconut Rum and Chambord (Raspberry) or Grand Mariner (Orange) I can see, but then them are some pretty expensive pudding shots. Maybe you could use some Southern Comfort (orange)  instead of Grand Mariner but you’d need to watch the alcohol content and be sure that the substitutions don’t total more than the originals in the recipe otherwise its likely they’ll never set up for you.

Also you could explore Frangelico (hazelnut) Godiva (chocolate) or possibly a cherry brandy with the Malibu.

Chocolate, Peanut Butter & Banana S’more Puffs

Don’t be bored by your s’mores…try this heavenly version with puff pastry, peanut butter, bananas, chocolate and marshmallows.  It’s an easy way to make a good thing great!

What You’ll Need

3 bars (1.5 ounces each ) milk chocolate candy
2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1/2  package of Puff Pastry Sheets (1 sheet), thawed
6 tablespoons creamy peanut butter
2 large bananas, cut into 36 (1/4-inch thick) slices
81 each miniature marshmallows (about 3/4 cup packed)

How to Make It

• 1 Heat the oven to 400°F.  Break each candy bar crosswise into 4 pieces along the cut lines, making 12 pieces in all.
• 2  Sprinkle the flour on the work surface.  Unfold the pastry sheet on the work surface. Prick the pastry sheet thoroughly with a fork.  Cut into 9 (about 3-inch) squares.  Place the pastries onto a baking sheet.
• 3 Bake for 15 minutes or until the pastries are golden brown.  Remove the pastries from the baking sheet and let cool on a wire rack for 10 minutes.
• 4 Return the pastries to the baking sheet.  Spread 2 teaspoons peanut butter on each pastry.  Top each with 1 piece chocolate, 4 slices banana and 9 marshmallows.  Reserve the remaining chocolate for another use.
• 5 Heat the broiler.  Broil 4 inches from the heat for 2 minutes or until the marshmallows are golden.  Let the pastries cool on the baking sheets for 5 minutes

Chocolate Chip + Banana + Oatmeal Bites (4 Ingredients)

Soft, moist and chewy…just like a bite of banana bread!

Ingredients

• 2 very ripe bananas, mashed 
• 1 cup oats, rolled or quick 
• 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
• small handful semi-sweet chocolate chips or Dark Chocolate if your like me 

Optional add-ins:

• dash of vanilla extract
• shredded coconut
• chopped nuts
• dried fruit (craisins! )
• a few tablespoons nut butter

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. 

In a medium size bowl, mash bananas fairly smooth, a few small chunks is ok. Add oats and cinnamon, mix well. Add in chocolate chips, mix again.

Grease a cookie sheet lightly. Using a tablespoon, scoop mixture and place on cookie sheet. I left mine in a dome shape, you could flatten it out a bit with your fingers to make a flatter shape. Should get anywhere from 12 -16 depending on the size you scoop out, if it was a heaping tablespoon or not. 

Bake in oven for 15 – 20 minutes. If you make your scoops dome shaped and on the larger side together, bake for 20 – 25 minutes. Remove from oven, let cool a few minutes before eating.

Store leftovers loosely covered and eat within a day or two.

Notes:
The riper the banana, the sweeter your end result will be. I’ve used rolled oats (like you see here) and quick oats, both with great success. Also, I’ve had batches come out looking lighter than what you see here, usually when using quick oats, so your coloring may vary. They may also darken a bit overnight due to the banana.

I’ve made this recipe many times since sharing. I find that each time my mixture might be a little different. It never been too dry but sometimes seems too wet. This may be that my bananas were large, or extra ripe and soft. If you happen to think the mixture is too wet, add more oats.

You can play around with adding more bananas and oats making a larger batch as well. Since these don’t spread on the baking sheet, you can get 16 on a sheet.

Try using this Muesli cereal  in place of plain oats. It delicious and makes it more of a trail cookie!

We usually go with the Dark Chocolate Chips,  Craisins and the Vanilla Extract.

First Continental Congress

The Passing of The Declaration of Independence

Name Your Favorite Firework!

Each year  fireworks and fireworks displays of any pretty much a given for most July Fourth celebrations. But, did you know there are more than a dozen different types of aerial fireworks? Here are 10 examples of the pyrotechnics that you might see at this year’s celebration.

Peony

The most common type of firework, the peony shell, is characterized by a spherical break of colored stars that burn without generating a trail of sparks, or tail effect.

Chrysanthemum

Similar to a peony, a chrysanthemum has a spherical break of colored stars, though its stars leave behind a trail of sparks.

Willow

The willow resembles a chrysanthemum, but with long burning silver or gold stars that produce a soft, dome-shaped weeping willow-like effect.

Diadem

As a type of peony or chrysanthemum, a diadem has a cluster of stationary stars at its center.

Palm

This shell contains a few large comet stars, which in bursting create large tendrils that give it the appearance of a palm tree.

Crossette

A crossette produces stars that each break apart into four smaller stars, creating a crisscross effect.

Horsetail

The horsetail shell is identifiable by its break, which resembles a short tail.

Ring

A ring shell emits stars in a halo-like shape. Smiley faces, stars and other such identifiable shapes are common variants.

Roman Candle

A Roman candle is a long cylinder that can discharge either a single large star, or a series of them between short intervals.

Cake

With a fuse that sets off a variety of effects in succession, a cake is essentially many Roman candles fused together. Cakes vary widely in size, though some can contain over 1,000 shots.

Schoolhouse Rock Fireworks

 

Biggest fireworks in the world

This video shows first of all some still pictures and then video of the amazing 48″ diameter 420kg Japanese “Yonshakudama” shell “the world’s largest single firework”
When fired the shell rises to over 2,700ft with a bloom diameter greater than 2,400ft and launched every September 9th and 10th for the Katakai-Matsuri Festival in Katakai town, Ojiya-city, Nigata prefecture Japan, it serves as a dedication to the god of the shrine. The Godzilla waking “Yonshakudama” shell comes in two types, the “Brocade crown over small flowers” and the “Floral shell of shells twice blooming”
The second part of this video is just stunning, the size of these shells simply staggers the mind for the quantity being fired, the smallest being 12″ up to the giant 36″ shells.

 

 

  While we’re on the subject of fireworks lets talk a little common sense about them. Fireworks are a dangerous serious business and nothing to be fooled around with or handled when you are in any sort of diminished capacity. They are deserving of the exact same care and respect you would give any other explosive or firearm. If you are using them to celebrate your holiday, please take the proper safety measures! Don’t let yourself become of of these idiots in a viral  epic failure video!

YOU may not be the only one injured by your stupidity and antics. Fireworks love collateral damage!

Ralph Nader: No more coming in 2nd, winning Presidency

n the history of the United States, four presidential candidates who came in second in the popular vote were “elected” president (John Quincy Adams in 1824, Rutherford B. Hayes in 1876, Benjamin Harrison in 1888, and George W. Bush in 2000).

This inversion of democratic elections was due to the 50 states’ winner-take-all laws and the absurdity of the Electoral College. To political observers in other democratic countries, the U.S. is the laughingstock for their failure to change this system that rejects the popular will.

Change is in the wind. A remarkable civic movement is taking on this overlooked issue. The “National Popular Vote” is successfully pressing for an interstate compact, whereby states pass laws declaring that they will give all their electoral votes to the winner of that national popular vote for president. Presto!

Therefore, there is no need for a Constitutional amendment to repeal the Electoral College. What the compact does is align the electoral vote with the popular vote since the Constitution exclusively accords the states the authority to select the manner of choosing its presidential Electors.

Remember from your history book, voters do not vote for presidential candidates directly; they vote for a slate of presidential Electors who then vote for the real candidates.

So far, led by philanthropist Steve Silberstein and his colleagues, 10 states (and the District of Columbia) possessing 165 electoral votes together – or 61 percent of the 270 electoral votes necessary to prevail – have enacted laws for this interstate compact.

They are Rhode Island, Vermont, Hawaii, Maryland (the first to do so), Massachusetts, Washington, New Jersey, Illinois, New York and California.

Visit nationalpopularvote.com for state-by-state details and the list of their bi-partisan advisory board with both retired Republican and Democratic Members of the Congress.

There are numerous other benefits of this long-overdue reform that is backed by public opinion polls in the past few decades. With such a reform, presidential candidates will become more likely to campaign in more states, regardless of whether they are “blue” states, “red” states, or closely divided states. Presidential elections will no longer be focused in a tiny number of “battleground states,” such as Florida, Ohio, Virginia, and Iowa.

In 2012, a majority of the general election presidential campaign events were just in those four states. That means most Americans never see these candidates in their states to meet, question, support, or oppose them. Mitt Romney did not campaign in California or New York; while Barack Obama did not campaign in South Dakota or Texas.

This interstate compact, once it reflects a majority of the electoral votes – enough to elect a president (270 of 538) – assures that, in Mr. Silberstein’s words, “every vote, in every state, will matter in every presidential election.” When people know that their vote matters, they are going to be more motivated to turn out to vote.

With importance placed on the popular vote over the electoral vote, voter suppression or messing with the counting of the votes in specific swing states (i.e.: Florida in 2000 and Ohio in 2004) will not be as likely.

The present skewed system gives more importance to a tiny number of “battleground” states, which tip the election. Politicians favor these states with more visits and more tangible benefits once the candidate is in office.

Perhaps it is a coincidence, but, as pointed out by National Popular Vote, “battleground” states receive 7 percent more federal grants than ‘spectator’ states, twice as many presidential disaster declarations, more Superfund enforcement exemptions and No Child Left Behind exemptions.”

Applying my theory that it takes one percent or less of the citizenry to make major changes in American government (so long as they reflect majoritarian opinion), this tiny group, the National Popular Vote, could be nearing an historic triumph with their educational and advocacy efforts at the state legislative level.

There is a lot of talk these days about growing inequality in the country. That inequality is exacerbated by the lack of direct influence in elections that a popular vote would give those currently underrepresented groups.

This nationwide citizen drive working to reduce inequality among voters could be an important step toward closing the inequality gap.

To join the effort for the national popular election of the president, go to nationalpopularvote.com for clear and crisp guides toward becoming a participant in your state.

Having personally met Mr. Nader on multiple occasions (he was literally born and raised on town over from where I lived in Connecticut and we have friends and  organizations in common) I can say unresolvedly I not particularly a fan of his politics or political views for the most part but I do applaud his consumer activism.

However I am also a big enough man to admit it when someone I disagree with has hit the nail squarely on the head. In this case Mr. Nader has done exactly that. When lobbying was legalized effectively the Congress went up for sale. From where I sit the same could be said of the 2009 Presidential Election.

Take our right to determine our President back from Big Money and stop them from turning WE THE  PEOPLE into WE THE SHEEPLE, join the effort for the National Popular Election of the President today. Liberty, Democracy, and the right to a free election via popular vote are too precious not to do your part to protect them!

Let Freedom Ring (My Country ‘Tis of Thee) Abby Anderson

 

 

Twilight Tattoo at Fort McNair with the Old Guard

 

Disney’s Celebrate America! – A Fourth of July Concert in the Sky Fireworks Walt Disney World 4th

 

Good Morning Campers,
As we mentioned last week, I will be covering Lethal’s Wednesday and he will be covering my Saturday…except, he sent me the following to include in my issue.  So, in essence, he has done both the Saturday special issue for Independence Day AND his usual Wednesday issue.  All I’m really doing is adding a few comments, a little at the end and calling it done.

Man!  What a great PAL he is!

So…without further ado…I give you, Lethal Leprechaun:

OK so before we get swamped with anymore questions from you distraught/concerned party planning to attend readers let’s address the Impish sized elephant in the room.

Relax Impish there is  no actual elephant its just a figure of speech. Sheesh!

As I was saying…For some reason this year the 4th falling on a Saturday is causing employers all sorts of confusion. Some are giving their people Friday off, some are giving them Monday off (probably expecting they’ll still be recovering) and still others are giving off nothing. I know you’re all concerned about getting you maximum amount of party time in so we’re  covering both bases.

THE ANNUAL DL/LL DIGITAL MEDIA INDEPENDENCE DAY EXTRAVAGANSA WILL COMMENCE AT 6 PM ON THURSDAY JULY 2nd WITH EARLY CHECK IN FOR PATRONS AND CONTINUE TO RUN UNABATED THRU 6PM ON MONDAY JULY 6TH.

As with our Memorial Day party, anyone found wandering the grounds still attempting to party after that time will be pressed into service with the clean up crew and held against their will until the entire party mountain is spic and span. You will accomplish this using your own toothbrush. Fair warning given!

Finished Party Facility Photos

Two new views of the now totally completed Gatehouse Facility which houses the Gatehouse Bar & Grill on the lower level, the facilities entrance area and the Patron’s accommodations. The inner courtyard on the second level via the skylights looks down on the Gatehouse Bar & grill for those interested in keeping track of their spouses, lovers or booty call partners.

Speaking of the Gatehouse Bar & Grill, stop by and cast you vote for your favorite version of the Bloody Mary, the Bloody Dragon as shown here, or the Bloody Molly shown here.

I vote for the Bloody Dragon!

Patron’s Dining Area

Breakfast Service

Breakfast Service starts at 4 AM when the most of the areas will close for cleaning and restocking until 6AM. We’ve anticipated a variety of needs for breakfast from fresh hot donuts and baked goods to breakfast burritos and biscuits for those who want to eat a light breakfast to more substantial things for those needing either to fuel up for the day ahead or to soak up some of that alcohol. Biscuits and Gravy (w/ or w/o an egg), full on Irish & English breakfasts for those of you from across the pond, egg benedict, a meat lovers breakfast, French toast breakfasts (pictured to go but all breakfasts are available to go to take back to your rooms) a traditional Pancake breakfast, heck we’ve even got Smore’s Pancakes with warm dark chocolate drizzle for those wanting to experience the intimate in sugar rushes&/or diabetic comas

Of course a full assortment of breakfast beverages are available, including for this party only my own Brown Gold coffee blend and custom blended Earl Grey and Irish Breakfast teas along with more than a dozen types of juice and 8 different smoothies. Oh wow!  Brown Gold and Orange Juice!  We even have those of you who feel compelled to play with your food covered:

You can get it with French toast fingers or plank cut fried and griddled potatoes.

Open Air (seasonally) Wine & Cigar Bar

You can relax in our Wine & Cigar bar out of the sun but still (weather permitting open to the outdoors or you can lounge pools side and work on your tan while enjoying the music and a nice glass of wine.

If you guys lose track of me, look here first!  This is where I’ll be spending most of my time.  A Cuban in one hand and a special glass of wine in the other.

Normally it’s a Blues/Jazz Bar however for the opening weekend we’ve managed to snare several well known acts which will play multiple times throughout the weekend:

The Piano Guys:

 

2CELLOS:

 

Bond String  Quartet:

 It will be featuring the fruits of our latest venture ‘Celtic Blues Vineyards’ wines as well as both Impish and my personal labels :

Speaking of wine here’s a little wine related tip to help with your party enjoyment:

You can enjoy any of them on the Wine & Cigar Bars partially covered deck though you might need to beware the ‘sun napping’ dragon as this is rapidly becoming a favorite place of his to relax after a hard day of being Impish Dragon or Mr. Blue.  True.  I do like lounging in the sun.

Though I strongly suggest if you encounter this situation you accommodate it with good humor. Impish learned the hard way the wisdom of these sage words of advice. Rumor has it that head/ear scratches, belly rubs and the odd bit of meat removed from the tails of shrimp cocktails will be gratefully received if you encounter any Ninja kitties like this

As you can clearly see the Ninja Kitties are more than ready for the party and have even gone so far as to dress for it. IU wouldn’t suggest trying to keep up with them unless you are a mythical creature- they do have 9 lives to party with after all.

Here’s a look at an outdoor portion of the completed tube ride:

The waterfall feature of the tube ride. [As you can see a few people are hard at work finishing up one of Impish’s ‘hidden napping spots’ under the falls. Originally the area was just meant to house some of the controls for the water ride and access to the piping. However dragons will be dragons and after several mishaps with tails and piping we were forced to enlarge it to accommodate a napping dragon.]

Eventually the falls will take you to our water slide at the picnic area:

Where you’ll be carefully watched over by our capable lifeguards. Here are a couple now:

Water slides or pools with in pool bars not your thing? Take the other fork  of the float ride then leading to a more tranquil & relaxing area:

Fire pit will be lit at night

 (Don’t worry about the Ghostrider he’s just there to insure a successful proper campfire!) however anyone caught taking unfair/forced advantage of another guest or  behaving in an inappropriate manner might ‘accidentally’ find themselves on the receiving end of his Penance Stare. Fair warning given!

and  S’mores materials will of course be readily available.  Be sure to Try the Dragon S’mores! Grilled Marshmallows & Nutella on Freshly baked chocolate chip cookies.  In addition we have S’mores brownies for those too lazy to actually make their own as well as banana and strawberry varieties

 

Or you can chill out in one of the several pools dotting the facility:

and perhaps work on your tan.

Watch out for unintended tan lines however!

Be warned however than what happens beneath the water might be observed as several of the pools have glass sides which are viewable from one of our bars.

 Continuing on with the subject of our water features-

The geothermal heated hot springs are now completed for nice relaxing soaks. As you can see we’ve taken great pains to incorporate them  into the natural landscaping and keep the lighting to a minimum for the after dark fun and frolic crowd! 

We also have multiple party Jacuzzi tub/pool arrangements.

With all this activity and heat it will be important to stay hydrated so avail yourself of a can of something cold from one of our wander Beverage Babes.

The cans are icy cold and come in a koozie to keep it that way for as long as possible. Guys, we would ask that once you finish tipping (which is of course not required and entirely optional) one of our Beverage Babes you return her to her original upright position and allow her to continue her mission of rehydration as soon as possible.

You won’t be wasting any time hosing the Chlorine or Dragon slobber off between activities either! We have the latest in shower technology for your rinsing off guaranteed to never run out of hot water and take practically no time at all.

Of course if your in mind for a more leisurely post pool/dragon tongue bath shower, there are the showers located outside the private cabanas if you’re a Patron. OR the ‘party shower in the gatehouse for those of you interested in some good clean wet adult fun.

After a morning of partying you’ll probably be hungry we’re well prepared for that. Fortunately I was able to procure the services of Hogwarts Kitchen Staff for the summer parties which means fantastic amounts and varieties of food.

We’ve got your sandwich needs covered. Meatball sub on toasted garlic bread, All manner of Crosandwiches, Chicken and Waffle sandwich, Rubens with my own magical pastrami or try my favorite, the New Yorker- 1/2 Pastrami & 1/2 Corned Beef! Dagwood Clubs you’ll have to unhinge your jaw for (unless you’re a dragon or troll) and and Italian Hoagie with unabashedly sassy Giardiniera relish that will make you sing the Tarantella Napolitana from the Godfather. Oh wait! Did I forget to mention the whole loaf of Italian bread Chicken &/or Veal Parmesan subs?

We’re not picturing the burgers (12 kinds)  hot dogs (6 kinds), grilled sausages (8 kinds). VEGITARIAN BURGERS?! SOY DOGS?! THROW THAT PANSEY AZZED LIBERAL OUT OF HERE NOW!

As I was saying, we don’t have the space and/or time to show those as well as all the standard sides for a party of this nature. Those are an automatic given, though probably several notches above what you are used to.

SIGH! What now?! OK! OK Already Impish! Apparently I an required to show you his hot dog creation, ‘The Dragon Dog’ before  pressing on. Its 6 foot long Nathan’s hot dogs, chili, bacon, pickled Jalapenos, yellow mustard and 3 kinds of white cheese on a split sub roll as seen here:

We’ve got you pizza cravings covered too. Breakfast pizzas, Pizzas big enough to feed hungry dragons, deep dish pizzas, pizza by the slice, pizza fries and even Sloppy Joe Pizza Bagels!

By the way- did I mention the fact you have the option of getting your pizza from our wood fired oven or off a grill?

As you are going through the tour, you notice that your feet are beginning to get wet.  Looking around for a leak, you notice Impish Dragon drooling gallons and gallons of drool, all over the stage and running down into the audience.
Damn it Lethal!  Now I’m stuck between all the wonderful food choices and I can’t  make up my mind.  I’m frozen solid with indecision and will probably be stuck here till I starve!  That is if I don’t dehydrate myself to death with drooling!
And it’s all your fault!
What do you mean, there’s more?!
Oh Shit!
There’s MORE!

You’ve a hankerin’  for some TexMex/Mexican? Nada Problamo Pardner!

Super Nachos ( 4 kinds), Double stacked Quesadillas (6 kinds), Taquitos (4 kinds) Fajitas/Tacos ( 6 ways), Enchiladas 4 ways, BBQ fries (made with the burnt ends of brisket & p0rk plus our own special BBQ sauce and a ladle of chili)  Brisket rubbed with ‘Leprechaun Dust’ and slow smoked, Pulled Pork so falling apart tender you won’t even need to chew it and of course ribs ( 2 styles of pork plus beef , & beefalo).

Asian Cuisine? Your covered! Szechuan,  Noodle Bowls (43 options to pick and choose from w/ no limit other than what you can cram in the bowl), Sushi (3 types and up to 18 different kinds), Egg Rolls, Wok Fried Black Pepper & Garlic shrimp, Dumplings/Pot Stickers (4 kinds & 2 ways)

plus all the normal mundane dishes you can think of

While you digest all that you might want to spend a little quiet time in one for our Video Gaming Suites , or the Media Library (last photo is from the other end showing access to the interior of the media stacks. With over 250,000, movies and music albums on hand you might be a while.

 

or, if you’re a Patron and got here early enough to have a choice of Patron’s Rooms, you might get to retire to your room for a snooze in this unique and novel bed while feeling like a King or Queen!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

NOW, I really need to get back to working to the Independence Day Issue itself and supervising the final details and loading in of all the food stuffs and Potables. I’m sure there is a pile of stuff I missed but I still have the next issue to cover it .

Oh one last thing, my personal thanks to Impish’s private harem of Virgins for acting in the capacity of both Facility Beta testers for the last week as well as models for this tour of the facilities.

There is no way in hell I’m even going to try to compete with THAT!!!!

Oh my gawd!  What a fantastic tour!

And you know what’s even crazier?  There’s even more coming on Saturday!  Yup!  There sure is!

So, let’s round out this issue with …

Impish Dragon is sitting at his desk, with his feet up, working on his computer.  By looking at him, his fingers poised over the keyboard, but not moving, you would think that he was stuck in a thought or perhaps, as the seconds go by and turn into minutes, that he is catatonic, for no typing is taking place, but his eyes are wide open and unstaring into the distance.  To those fellow members of team D.R.A.G.O.N. who know him, they would not be surprised by this action as it seems to take place several times a day.  Usually Impish, a.k.a. Mr. Blue, is asleep with his eyes open, off in day dream land thinking of the latest pastry or virgin he will have for lunch, or perhaps, on a good day, trying to think of another word for the fourth or fifth meal of the day that the hobbits haven’t already thought of.

But not today.  Today is different.  Today, an inner battle is raging turmoil in his overly large, but underutilized brain.  Why don’t we peek in on him and see what chaos is fermenting above his brain pan.  Follow me as we walk across his shoulder, climb into his ear canal and walk down the long empty corridor towards his brain.  You can hear your footsteps echo in here.  You’d think that would disturb him and wake him from his state, but as you can see, he doesn’t even raise his had to scratch his ear.

Okay, we turn left here.  You wonder where we’d go if we turned right?  Well, eventually, we’d end up coming out one of his nostrils, and trust me when I tell you, that is not any fun.

Okay, we have two choices here.  The left door goes to his conscious mind and the right to his unconscious.  Let’s try the left one first.

The door opens with a loud creaking and seems to get stuck after only a couple of inches.  You give a huge push and the door opens a little further with a horrendous groan.

A little bit of WD-40 would go a long way in here, don’t you think?  Well, as you can see, there isn’t ANYTHING going on in his conscious mind.  And from the looks of Mr. Dragon from the outside, I suppose that’s not too surprising.  Let’s try the other door.

With much pushing and shoving you manage to get the left door closed with a commiserate amount of groaning and squealing from the door.  You approach the second door and can hear at least two distinct voices coming from the other side.  When you open this door, you are surprised when it opens very quietly as if it’s gotten a lot of use and care.  After listening carefully for a few seconds it’s easy to identify the different voices.  Let’s listen in.

Mr. Blue: Explain to me again what you think it is we’re doing here…and who you are exactly.

Mr. Gray:  I’m you.  Well, part of you.  You should remember, that you have three distinct forms you can change into.  You got that so far, big guy?

Mr. Blue: Yeah, I can change into three forms.  A mature blue dragon, complete with scales, wings, tail, flying, fire breathing, the whole nine-yards.

 

Mr. Gray:  Correct.  In that form you are the traditional dragon that razes villages, eats villagers, eats virgins in the traditional sense, etc.

 

Mr. Blue: Right.  And I can change into my smaller dragon form.  Traditionally known as Impish Dragon…

 

Impish Dragon: I’m hungry.  I’m horny.  Hee, Hee, Hee!  I’m hungry and horny.  Hee, Hee, Hee!  Feed me or f….

 

Mr. Blue and Mr.  Gray: Shut up, Impish!

 

Mr. Blue:  Anyway, Impish is my public persona that is most well-known amongst the staff and members of Dragon Laffs.  He’s the “face” of Dragon Laffs if you get my drift.  With my help, he is usually a fairly capable fellow…

 

Impish Dragon: Oh look!  Shiny!

 

Mr. Blue: …but when he’s on his own, and I am otherwise occupied plotting and planning he tends to get himself in trouble.  Most of the time that Mr. Green is upset with us, it’s because I’ve allowed him too much control and he ends up doing something stupid.  Also, changing forms is very taxing and I end up having to rest, which gives him more control.  Anyway, it’s been a work in progress for several hundred years and we’re still working the bugs out of the system.

 

Mr. Gray: But you have a third form…

 

Mr. Blue:  Yes … I do … but I’m finding it very hard to remember who or what that third form is.  It’s like it’s right there … and I could reach out and touch it … but it is just out of reach.  It’s actually very annoying.

 

Mr. Gray:  Why don’t you sit down Mr. Blue.

 

Mr. Blue:  Um … not to point too fine a point on this but, we’re having this conversation inside my head.  It’s totally dark in here and how can you tell if we’re sitting or standing.

 

Impish Dragon:  Gold coins and virgins.  Virgins and gold coins.  There’s a song in that somewhere.  Where’s Lethal Leprechaun?  He’s good with songs.  Lethal?  Hey my little green buddy, where are you?  Lethal?

 

Mr. Gray:  Okay, I’m going to turn the lights on, but I don’t want you to be surprised.

As you watch, the blackness begins to lighten and you begin to see the outline of a black cavern.  Right in front of you is a huge blue dragon, laying on his belly, his front paws resting under his chin, while his large, elongated snout points towards a human man, standing in front of him.  As they come into focus a short puff of smoke comes out of the dragons maw and the man takes a step back waving his hand in front of his nose.  Near the edges of the blackness you can see Impish Dragon peering into the darkness.  You assume he is looking for Lethal Leprechaun, but you can’t ever be really sure.

Mr. Gray:  Gez, Mr. Blue.  What the hell did you have for lunch?  Never mind.  Now, does my being here bring to mind what your third form is?

Mr. Blue:  Well, just hazarding a guess here…

Impish Dragon:  Are we a kobold?  Kobolds are Kool!  Hee, Hee, Hee!  See what I did there?

Mr. Blue and Mr. Gray: Shut up, Impish!

 

Mr. Blue: As I was saying, I’d assume my third form is human.

 

Mr. Gray: Right…and…?

 

Mr. Blue:  You!  You’re my third form?

 

Mr. Gray:  Exactly.

 

Mr. Blue: But how … who … and why don’t I remember?

 

Mr. Gray:  To answer all those questions, let’s start with who.  You can call me Bob…or Mr. Gray.  Before we all started D.R.A.G.O.N. you knew everything about me.  You WERE me.  But, it was decided that, due to operational security, we needed to separate our identities between the two dragons on one side and the human on the other.  Without going too much into the reasons behind that, let’s just suffice it to say that it was important.

Mr. Blue: And now it’s not?

Mr. Gray: Oh no!  It’s just as important now as it ever was.  The problem is,

Impish Dragon: Lethal?  Where are you Lethal?  I’ve got a story for you … no … wait … a song!  I’ve got a song for you!  Lethal?

Mr. Gray: ahem… the problem is, the use of the flashy thingy that Mr. Green uses on us, is beginning to have less and less of an effect on us and our personalities are beginning to blend again.  Now, personally, I don’t find that to be such a bad thing.  I can help you, as I did in the past, with our little blue friend over there  …

Impish Dragon:  You fracking green midget, where the hell are you?

Mr. Gray … from getting himself into trouble and lessen the beatings he gets and between the two of us, our mission success can only go up as we have the freedom to use all of our talents.  Now, the problem is …

Mr. Blue: Mr. Green.

Mr. Gray: Exactly.  I’m quite sure he will be concerned with mission security, and rightly so.  We have become more of a liability.  Not so much that I think it outweighs the benefit, mind you.  But, I’m not sure that Mr. Green, and in turn HIS boss, will see it that way.  And I can’t say I blame him.  Since he’s not inside here …

Mr. Blue: Yeah, it’s crowded enough as it is.

Mr. Gray: …to see the precautions we’ll put into place, he can’t know for sure that they will work, even though we will KNOW that they will.  So, here’s what we’re going to do.  If I push on this, right here…

Mr. Blue: Stop!  That feels … weird!

Mr. Gray:  Right, so trust me, if I exert just a little MORE pressure, you will forget everything that has to do with me.

Mr. Blue:  Okay, but what if you’re on the outside? If I push there, you’ll still remember.

Mr. Gray:  Exactly, so you’d push right there.  NO!  Not now.  It only takes a little pressure to accomplish the job.

Mr. Blue: So then, how do we put ourselves back together again.

Mr. Gray:  Good question.  If that happens, all you have to do is wait until it’s safe and double tap … LIGHTLY … the same spot and whoever is on the inside will put the memories back for the person on the outside.

Mr. Blue:  You’re sure it will work?

Mr. Gray:  Absolutely positive.  The only thing is, there has to be at least one hour, sixty minutes, between the pushing of the spot.  You can cause permanent damage if you do it in any less time than that.  And even at that, at the one hour point, it’s going to be painful.  The longer you can wait to press the spot, the easier it would be.  After about three hours, there will be almost no pain at all.  Well, comparatively.

Mr. Blue: Comparatively, what does that mean?

 

Mr. Gray:  Well, there’s always going to be SOME pain.  But, let’s not worry about that right now.  There’s some other things we need to discuss and we can’t count on us not being disturbed from the outside.  Although it will be easier and easier for us to communicate as we go.  Practice makes perfect.  Now, I believe that Mr. Green and Chitty already think something is going on with us, so we have to appear to all outward appearances …

You are suddenly yanked out of the conversation inside the dragon’s head as a bellowing leprechaun comes into your office.

Lethal Leprechaun comes right up beside you and yells, “IMPISH DRAGON, WHAT IN ALL THE NINE-HELLS ARE YOU DOING SLEEPING WHEN YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE FINISHING THAT BE-DAMNED REPORT FOR ME!!!”

 

Impish Dragon leaps to his feet with a gasp and a cry and a crash, as liquid forms a puddle between his feet.  Both the dragon and the leprechaun look down and while Lethal Leprechaun starts laughing, Impish says, “Dammit Lethal, you made me spill my coffee!  And BREAK one of my favorite mugs!”

 

As Lethal Leprechaun leaves Impish’s office he can be heard to say, “Sure me boyo.  Sure.  If that’s the story you want to stick to, I’ll not be sayin’ any different.  Hey Terrance!  Guess who I just made piss his pants!  Har! Har! Har!”