Good Morning Campers,
As Lethal mentioned on Wednesday, Mrs. Dragon and I are now officially house owners. This process has been going on now for several weeks, and I didn’t mention it before now because … well … quite honestly, I didn’t want to jinx it. I was quite sure that as soon as I mentioned it officially here on Dragon Laffs, everything would fall through.
But, it’s now complete. All we have to do is move in.
Have I ever mentioned how much I hate moving? Yes. Many years in the military, moving all over the world, and I swear to you each and every time is worse than the last.
I hate it.
One week from today is the big move. In the mean time, we’ve been moving some stuff over, boxes and stuff, but on the 18th, I’ll have some help, rent a truck and we’re moving down the road.
Really and truly, I hate it.
So, here’s a quick couple of pictures of our new house and then we’ll get on with the ezine.
Nice, I know, right?
Which of course the girls just love to death.
But, that’s enough about that. Now…
John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully, “Give me one last request, dear,” he said.
“Of course, John,” his wife said softly.
“Six months after I die,” John said, “I want you to marry Bob.”
“But I thought you hated Bob,” she said..
With his last breath John said, “I do!”
By the Gods of all Dragons, how many times have we talked about this same problem?! This one topic alone pisses me off more than so many others. It’s too damn easy to suck on the government teat and not work. It should be hard. But then again, I think stupidity ought to hurt more than it does.
According to The Chive (http://thechive.com) “Just go to town on the damn things. Rumor has it they have no calories on their special day.”
They are one of America’s favorite food. And all the things you can do with them…well…I’ll bet our favorite Celtic Chef would have a LOT more ideas on that than I would, but if you can think of it, someone’s probably tried it.
A hand grenade can go off in 4 to 5 seconds.
Always remember, once the pin is removed, Mr. Grenade is no longer our friend.
Ever since I was a child, I have always had a fear that someone was hiding under my bed at night,
so I finally went to a shrink and told him ‘I have got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there
is somebody under my bed!! I’m scared. I think I’m going crazy.’
‘Just put yourself in my hands for one year,’ said the shrink. ‘Come talk to me three times a week
and we should be able to get rid of those fears.’
‘How much do you charge?’ I asked. ‘Eighty dollars per visit,’ replied the doctor. ‘I will sleep on it,’
I said. Six months later the doctor met me on the street. ‘Why did you not come to see me, about
those fears you were having?’ he asked.
‘Well, eighty bucks a visit, three times a week for a year, is $12,480.00. A bartender cured me for
$10.00. I was so happy to have saved all that money, that I went & bought me a new pickup truck.’
‘Is that so,’ With a bit of an attitude the shrink said, ‘And how, may I ask, did a Bartender cure you?’
‘He told me to cut the legs off the bed. Ain’t nobody under there now.’
FORGET THE SHRINKS. HAVE A DRINK, AND TALK TO A BARTENDER!
IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO GET A SECOND OPINION.
I just really like this guy. This is some really good animation and very expressive. I’d love to have more like this one.
My Dad, Papa Dragon Most Senior, sent me the following heartwarming story…
THE NIGHT WATCHMAN
Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert.
Congress said, “Someone may steal from it at night.” So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.
Then Congress said, “How does the watchman do his job without instruction?”
So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.
Then Congress said, “How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?”
So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One was to do the studies and one was to write the reports.
Then Congress said, “How are these people going to get paid?”
So they created two positions: a time keeper and a payroll officer then hired two people.
Then Congress said, “Who will be accountable for all of these people?”
So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.
Then Congress said, “We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $918,000 over budget, we must cut back.”
So they laid-off the night watchman.
NOW slowly, let it sink in.
Quietly, we go like sheep to slaughter. Does anybody remember the reason given for the establishment of the DEPARTMENT OF ENERGY during the Carter administration?
Didn’t think so!
Bottom line is, we’ve spent several hundred billion dollars in support of an agency, the reason for which very few people who read this can remember!
It was very simple… and at the time, everybody thought it very appropriate.
The Department of Energy was instituted on 8/04/1977, TO LESSEN OUR DEPENDENCE ON FOREIGN OIL.
Hey, pretty efficient, huh?
AND NOW IT’S 2015 — 38 YEARS LATER — AND THE BUDGET FOR THIS “NECESSARY” DEPARTMENT IS AT $24.2 BILLION A YEAR. IT HAS 16,000 FEDERAL EMPLOYEES AND APPROXIMATELY 100,000 CONTRACT EMPLOYEES; AND LOOK AT THE JOB IT HAS DONE!
(THIS IS WHERE YOU SLAP YOUR FOREHEAD AND SAY, “WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?”)
38 years ago 30% of our oil consumption was foreign imports. Today 70% of our oil consumption is foreign imports.
Ah, yes — good old Federal bureaucracy.
NOW, WE HAVE TURNED OVER THE BANKING SYSTEM, HEALTH CARE, AND THE AUTO INDUSTRY TO THE SAME GOVERNMENT?
Hello!! Anybody Home?
Signed….The Night Watchman
Thanks Dad. You know we give you these great stories, we share true experiences with you, and we even tell you out-right what’s going on. I hope you are not only listening, but passing this on to your friends and family. It’s time to stand up and be counted.
How about some more Golf jokes for my Dad and all the rest of you golfers out there…
This is a good quiz…This will clarify some of your ideas and help you to choose a candidate for President. You may be surprised— use the “other stance ” choice often —it is very informative.
It is very well done and worth your time.
I lined up with Marco Rubio 93%
Rick Santorum 90% and
Ted Cruz at 87%
So yeah, this is a very interesting Quiz.
The blonde quickly responded, “The living one.”
Heck, I ain’t blonde, but this would be MY choice too!
I understand that Al Sharpton and associates are asking for South Carolina to do the same thing. Perhaps it is them that is behind the CNN story?
Here’s one of our security specialists and her mount on deep patrol. They’ve paused here to take a break when this picture was taken.
So, my little dragonette told me a joke a minute ago…
Izzy: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Dad: I don’t know, why?
Izzy: To get to the idiot’s house.
Dad: <Quizzical Look>
Izzy: Knock, Knock
Dad: Who’s there?
Izzy: The chicken
The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
“Not a chance,” says the husband, “it is 3:00 in the morning!”
He slams the door and returns to bed
“Who was that?” asked his wife.
“Just some drunk guy asking for a push,” he answers.
“Did you help him?” she asks. “No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!”
“Well, you have a short memory,” says his wife. “Can’t you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, you should be ashamed of yourself! God loves drunk people too.
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, “Hello, are you still there?”
“Yes,” comes back the answer. Do you still need a push?” calls out the husband.
“Yes, please!” comes the reply from the dark.
“Where are you?” asks the husband.
“Over here on the swing ,” replied the drunk.