Sheesh! What’s this my 4th ‘Special Edition’ in a row?! I’d say I was feeling over works and underpaid except I’d have to be getting paid to do this in the first place!

As you can tell from the opening banner, yet again Impish is in the lime light today. In fact he’s spending so much time in it lately I’m frankly surprised he hasn’t turned lime green as yet.

No, I’m not being excessively cranky about things, actually I’m kicking off a surprise for Impish in honor of his Wedding Anniversary. I figured after 20 years they deserved a special accolade, so welcome to the DL?LL Digital Media Enterprises Roast of Mr. & Mrs. Impish Dragon’s marriage! Well ok, mostly Impish’s side of it because frankly I’ve seen Mrs. Dragon get mad and while I’m not publically permitted to mention her mythical lineage, quite frankly I’m loathe to have her mad at me!

Just think Impish if you’d been in jail for murder you’d be out now!

Mrs. Dragon and Impish were sitting around the breakfast table one lazy morning.

He suddenly said, ‘Darling, if I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all my stuff.’

‘Now why would you want me to do something like that?’ she asked.

‘I figure that you would eventually remarry, and I don’t want some other asshole using my stuff….’

‘What makes you think I’d marry another Dragon?”

At least that’s what Impish claims, but then again….

Irish Descendants – Step it out Mary

Well? We’re all waiting Impish! What’s the answer? Enquiring minds (and Mrs. Dragon) want to know which you pick!

One day Impish and Mrs. Dragon were working outside. When Mrs. Dragon bent over to tend some flowers Impish remarked “Gee honey your backside has certainly grown..I think its larger than the grill!”

Not one to leave well enough alone, count his blessings that he could still see, wasn’t in the hospital or that Mrs. Dragon wasn’t calling the Leprechaun for a really big body disposal favor, Impish locates a tape measure and measures both.

“I was right hun your backside is two inches broader than our grill!”

Once again Mrs. Dragon in a Herculean feat of self control says nothing and refrains from committing mayhem or justifiable homicide.

That night our favorite(?) dragon finds himself feeling..well, a little Impish and amorous shall we say, but Mrs. Dragon soundly and frostily rebuffs him saying, “What?!  Do you really expect me to get this big old grill all fired  up for just your one Vienna Frankfurter? Oh Hells no!”

Mr. &Mrs. Impish Dragon are  celebrating their 20th wedding anniversary in their home early this morning.

“Just think,” the old man says, “we were sitting here at this same breakfast table, naked as jaybirds, 20 years ago.”

“Well,” Mrs. Dragon snickers naughtily, “what do you say, do you think we should get naked?”

The two chuckle and proceed to slowly strip to what God gave them. Then they sit back down at the table, staring at each other.  

“You know, honey,” Mrs. Dragon says slyly, “My breasts burn for you now just as they did 50 years ago.”

“I’m not surprised,” replies Impish. “One’s in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!”

NEEDTOBREATHE “Brother”  unplugged

Apparently in the course of roasting someone it’s customary to say a few nice things about the person while having an entire evening’s (issue’s) laughs at there expense. So here’s one for my brother from another mother.

Lyrics:

“Brother”

Ramblers in the wilderness we can’t find what we need
Get a little restless from the searching
Get a little worn down in between
Like a bull chasing the matador is the man left to his own schemes
Everybody needs someone beside em’ shining like a lighthouse from the sea

Brother let me be your shelter
I’ll never leave you all alone
I can be the one you call
When you’re low
Brother let me be your fortress
When the night winds are driving on
Be the one to light the way
Bring you home

Face down in the desert now there’s a cage locked around my heart
I found a way to drop the keys where my failures were
Now my hands can’t reach that far
I ain’t made for a rivalry I could never take the world alone
I know that in my weakness I am strong, but
It’s your love that brings me home

Brother let me be your shelter
I’ll never leave you all alone
I can be the one you call
When you’re low
Brother let me be your fortress
When the night winds are driving on
Be the one to light the way
Bring you home

And when you call and need me near
Sayin’ where’d you go?
Brother I’m right here
And on those days when the sky begins to fall
You’re the blood of my blood
We can get through it all
Brother let me be your shelter
I’ll never leave you all alone
I can be the one you call
When you’re feelin’ low

Brother let me be your fortress
When the night winds are driving on
Be the one to light the way
Bring you home

Brother let me be your shelter
I’ll never leave you all alone
I can be the one you call
When you’re low
Brother let me be your fortress
When the night winds are driving on
Be the one to light the way
Bring you home
Be the one to light the way
Bring you home

The happy couple on their Joining Day

Impish was in his new back yard trying to launch a kite. he threw the kite up in the air, the wind would catch it for a few seconds, then it would come crashing back down to earth.
 
He tried this a few more times with no success.
 
All the while, Mrs. Dragon is watching from the kitchen window, muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.
 
She opens the window and yelled to Impish, “You need a piece of tail.”
 
Impish turned with a confused look on his face and yelled back, “Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite.”

All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom. The bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand.
The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even the priest smiled broadly.
As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card.

Unfortunately about 10 minutes later Impish as forced to relinquish his to her before she’d let him put the ring on her finger.

The High Kings – Red Is The Rose

A couple meets with the minister of the Church to discuss their marriage vows.
“Pastor” said (the soon to be) Mrs. Dragon; “we wonder if we could make a change in the wording of our ceremony.”
“Yes,“replied the pastor, “It is sometimes done. What do you have in mind?”
“Well, said (the soon to be) Mrs. Dragon; looking at Impish openly, “we’d like to alter the ‘until death do us part’ section to read, ‘Substantial penalty for early withdrawal.’”

The Dean Martin Roasts – Jackie Gleason

Impish I wish I could have done this good by you pal!

After all you and Jackie have so much in common…your size, your likeability, you were both carried by you’re side kicks, your both successful comedians…you’re both rich…you’re both known as The Great One..both your wives patiently put up with you….uhh I think I’d better quit while you’re still ahead.

My understanding is one of these is a top priority on Impish’s new home improvements list. I also understand one of Mrs. Dragons top priorities is a pair of heavy sliding dead bolts for the top side of the hatch!

The Wedding Song, Paul Stookey

Just remember you two-

May you always have walls for the winds,
a roof for the rain, tea beside the fire,
laughter to cheer you, those you love near you,
and all your heart might desire.

May St. Patrick guard you wherever you go,
and guide you in whatever you do–
and may his loving protection be a blessing to you always.

SLAINTE!