As you get off the elevator at the Conference Room level Lethal favors for presenting his issues you are met by DL/LL staffers who check each of you over critically under the watchful eye of a pair of CyberLethals. You are cautioned for your own safety to remove anything that jingles jangles click clops beeps buzzes or otherwise makes noise and place them in what they claim are sound proof bags. You are cautioned to place your phones on silent though they strongly recommend you turn them completely off. All this is being conducted barely above the level of a whisper.
When you ask what this is for or about you are informed it is a safety precaution due to a currently on going medical issue with the Ninja Kitties. You become concerned and inquire if its contagious. You’re inform that it is in fact not contagious as its not possible to transfer an epic hangover in between humans let alone interspecies.
As you enter the Conference Room you see that it is set up as is usual post party around here. there is a 2 bay treatment area from Hangover Heaven replete with medical chairs Oxygen & IV materials in the back corner partially concealed by screens. Several the the HH team are passing among the assembled offering analgesics, sunglasses, Gatorade and other post party relief materials. A CyberLethal at the door hands you a pair of headphones instructing to you wear them for the issue as the normal pre issue address will be done over them to insure maximum quiet.
You notice three other things as well. The first being the scent of real Lethal Brown Gold Coffee coming from the urn in the cheap seats. Secondly you notice a preponderance of sleeping cats not curled up (though a few are) but generally sprawled out all over the room. The third being that every video monitor in the room is scrolling or flashing the same message:
Let Sleeping Cats Lay! DO NOT Startle, Frighten, Rouse, Awaken or Otherwise Disturb Sleeping Cats! IF one climbs in your lap or arms LET IT! This is for your own safety!
YOU might have ONE beauty of a hangover but THEY HAVE NINE!
IGNORE THIS WARNING AT YOUR OWN (DIRE) PERIL!
As you’re taking all this in you see Impish on the stage apparently having made use of the freight elevator off stage slow and carefully making his way to his place on stage holding himself some what stiffly & awkwardly. It’s then you notice Bruce the Brutal perched on Impish head between his horns sleeping half on his back and snoring loudly with his tail wrapped about Impish’s left ear. Impish appears to be wearing some sort of leather vest like garment and at least one of the pouches on the front of it sports a head and front paws of a sleeping cat lolling out of it while another appears to have a tail protruding from it.
Lethal has just made his way into the room and is carefully stepping around/over a few cats on the stairs to the stage. As he turns to face you you can see Chais unhappy face peering out of blood shot Azure eyes grumpily regarding you from inside Lethal’s vest before making a rude sounding noise lowering her head and covering her eyes with a paw and grumbling.
Seeing Impish’s predicament and how uncomfortablly he’s straining not to disturb Brutus Lethal takes piety on him and motions for the CyberLethals to take the podium he normally uses over to Impish so he might use it as a chin rest and give his neck and shoulders a respite. Ishish sighs and regards Lethal greatfully giving him a thumbs up.
Lethal lowers a mic on his head set into place looks around the room and then his lips start moving. You hasten to don your head set.
…Folks! I see some of you are still pretty well the worse for wear. Hang in there hopefully the ministrations of the Hangover Heaven Crew, the analgesics, coffee and the shooters of Bailey’s for the coffee will bring you around.. I call your attention to the room doors which are now closed and sealed. this is because I’m having pure Oxygen pumped in under slightly hire than normal atmospheric pressure to help you all with your hangovers. By the time you finish the issue and you coffee the hyperbaric treatment should be done and have worked whatever magic its going to on you. As for those of you whom look like extras for some cheesy SciFI Invasion of the Lobstermen movie, all I can suggest is that you try to avoid any large tubs of drawn butter for a few days.
We do have one special announcement this morning but given how bad the majority of you still appear I think we’d better do the coffee first and then make that announcement.
And now that Announcement I spoke of…
From all of us (real & imaginary) here at DL/LL Digital Media Enterprises
Here’s your present!
And here’s a little advice from someone older than you (I know hard to believe right?) on growing old:
Whoops! Too Late!
Well according to her:
But according to Impish’s Research (which I counseled against)…
Ginny is so old her birth certificate is in Roman numerals & expired.
Ginny is so old, when she was a kid rainbows were black and white.
Ginny is so old, she walked into an antique shop and they put a price on her.
Ginny is so old if she were a car it would be time to roll back her odometer.
Ginny is so old Jurassic Park brought back memories.
Ginny is so old one of her pets was on on Noah’s Ark.
Ginny is so old she left her purse on Noah’s Ark.
Ginny is so old her social security number is 1.
Ginny is so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince
.Ginny is so old she knew Captain Crunch while he was still a private.
Ginny is so old she knew Mr. Clean when he had an afro.
Ginny is so old when she was a kid there was no Old Spice it was called baby spice
Ginny is so old they put her in a museum instead of an old folks home.
Ginny is so old, she looks in the mirror and says “Mirror, Mirror on the wall..WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?”
Ginny is so old the candles cost more than the birthday cake.
Ginny is so old the fire department are on standby when you light her birthday cake.
Ginny is so old, the candles on her birthday cake raised earths temperature by 3 degrees.
Poor Impish! That dude can never catch a break! Not even in that other reality he insists is his real life. He was so happy to finally have a place of his own where he really could be king of his own castle without having to ask some property management company “please sir might I have permission to…”
The coach had put together the perfect team for the Cleveland Browns. The only thing missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn’t find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.
Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in the West Bank . In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Israeli soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away. KABOOM!
He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney. KA-BLOOEY!
Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph. BULLS-EYE!
“I’ve got to get this guy!” Coach said to himself. “He has the perfect Arm!”
So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Browns go on to win the Super Bowl.
The young man is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his Mother.
“Mom,” he says into the phone, “I just won the Super Bowl!”
“I don’t want to talk to you,” the old woman says. “You are not my son!”
“I don’t think you understand, Mother,” the young man pleads. “I’ve won the greatest sporting event in the world. I’m here among thousands of my adoring fans.”
“No! Let me tell you!” his mother retorts. “At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn’t get raped!” The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says,…
“I will never forgive you for making us move to Cleveland!”
An air traffic control tower suddenly lost communication with a small twin engine aircraft. A moment later the tower land line rang and was answered by one of the employees.
The passenger riding with the pilot who lost communications was on a cellular phone and yelled “Mayday, mayday!! The pilot had an instant and fatal heart attack. I grabbed his cell phone out of his pocket and he had told me before we took off he had the tower on his speed dial memory. I am flying upside down at 18,000 feet and traveling at 180 mph. Mayday, mayday!”
The employee in the tower had put him on speaker phone immediately. “Calm down, we acknowledge you and we’ll guide you down after a few questions. The first thing is not to panic, remain calm!”.
He began his series of questions:
Tower : ” How do you know you are traveling at 18,000 feet?”
Aircraft: “I can see that it reads 18,000 feet on the Altimeter dial in front of me.”
Tower: “Okay, that’s good, remain calm. How do you know you’re traveling at 180 mph?”
Aircraft: “I can see that it reads 180 mph on the Airspeed dial in front of me.”
Tower: Okay, this is great so far, but it’s heavily overcast, so how do you know you’re flying upside down?”
Aircraft : ” “The shit in my pants is running out of my shirt collar
Breathtaking ruins of the Soviet space shuttle program
(CNN)What was once the gleaming pride and joy of the Soviet space program now lies covered in dirt and bird droppings in a disused hangar in Kazakhstan.
With their broken windows, missing tiles and ransacked interiors, these shuttles are a haunting — and fascinating — piece of space history, rarely seen by the outside world.
Indeed, when 36-year-old Russian photographer Ralph Mirebs discovered the derelict shuttles and rocket at Baikonur Cosmodrome, he was touched by the sad end for these “wonderful winged machines.”
In another lifetime, these prototypes are thought to have been part of the Soviets’ Buran Program, which began in 1974 and was discontinued in 1993.
To see the rest of the amazing photos click here
Ask Impish, one should never challenge a Kitty-Fu master! At least, not without stock in a band-aid company!
We know Ginny darlin’ and its ok. We still love you despite the blonde syndrome you suffer!
The 3 worst companies at protecting your data
When it comes to keeping your data secure, not all businesses are created equal. That’s why the Electronic Frontier Foundation created a report card to let you know how well popular tech companies are protecting your data from government snoops.
It looked at all sorts of businesses, from cell service providers to gadget manufacturers, and the results are quite surprising.
According to the EFF,
Congress … dragged its feet on halting the NSA’s indiscriminate surveillance of online communications and has yet to enact the strong reforms we deserve. Congress is even on the precipice of making things far worse, considering proposals that would mandate government backdoors into the technology we rely on to digitally communicate.
The EFF judged companies based on 5 basic criteria: Follows Industry Accepted Best Practices, Tells Users About Government Data Demands, Discloses Policies on Data Retention, Discloses Government Content Removal Requests, and Pro-user Public Policy: opposes backdoors.
The EFF took a look at 24 companies in total, and three stood out as the worst at protecting your data. Who are the culprits? That would be AT&T, Verizon and WhatsApp. AT&T and WhatsApp only met one of the EFF’s criteria, and Verizon met two.
The report wasn’t all bad news, though. Nine companies received five-star ratings from EFF. Adobe, Apple, CREDO, Dropbox, Sonic, Wickr, Wikimedia, WordPress.com and Yahoo each met all five pieces of the EFF’s data security criteria. You can see every single company’s results in the EFF’s chart below, and you can access the full report here to read about how your favorite companies faired.
After all the work in the last 10 days on issues plus all the stuff going on here at Keebler Towers I’m taking the easy way out today with a couple of video recipes before one actual sure to please recipe.
The Colder, Better Way To Have Iced Coffee
If you know me then you know coffee making and consumption is a very serious subject with me, one I don’t take lightly. I approve of and personally make these myself. I tried one with a single glass I had here and actually went out and bought glasses to do this with. This is one of the very few times I would recommend possibly considering a flavored coffee, within reasonable limits of course!
3-Ingredient Pancakes You Need To Try
Charleston Cheese Dip
Total Time: 25 min
Prep: 10 min
Cook: 15 min
Yield: 10 servings
1/2 cup mayonnaise
One 8-ounce package cream cheese, softened
1 cup grated sharp Cheddar cheese
1/2 cup grated Monterey Jack cheese
2 green onions, finely chopped
1 dash cayenne pepper
8 butter crackers, crushed, such as Ritz
8 slices bacon, cooked and crumbled
Corn chips, crackers or bagel chips, for serving
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.
In a medium bowl, mix the mayonnaise, cream cheese, Cheddar cheese, Monterey Jack cheese, green onions and cayenne pepper. Transfer the mixture to a shallow baking dish, such as a 9-inch pie pan. Top the mixture with the cracker crumbs and bake until heated through, about 15 minutes.
Remove the pan from the oven and top with the bacon. Serve immediately with corn chips, crackers or bagel chips.
Try it with crabmeat or sautéed mushrooms!
Unexpected Ways to Top Hot Dogs
We don’t get “French country rolls” her in Texas so we go with fresh baguette and usually substitute French Fried Onions from the can chopped up for the potato chips and a little Alouette cheese spread (a whipped cream Brie with Garlic & Herbs in the roll.
Better with bacon, either wrapped around the dog before grilling or from the pouch mixed in the cheese spread. Consider red roasted pepper strips, or grilling the peppers in place of raw.
You got balsamic vinegar? You got ketchup? You got balsamic ketchup. Feeling the need to kick this up? Substitute halved and seeded pickles Italian Cherry peppers for the tomatoes. Better yet do what I do, use the brine from the hot cherry peppers to pickle some cherry tomatoes and use those!
The hell with the Veggie dog! Use a proper dog like Nathans or Hebrew National! Don’t use that jarred Natcho cheese sauce either! <Shudder!> All you need is a little Velveeta and some Salsa and you’re in business.
This is another case where bacon makes it ‘mor beddar!’ Also if you can get them try Alexia brand potato puffs for this. When they come out of the oven hit them right away with a little salt plus onion & garlic powders.
Finally pickled jalapenos are tamer than their fresh counter parts and you can tame them even more by removing the seeds and pith from the center of the slices.
A great switch up to breakfast tacos/burritos, especially when camping (you can get sausage gravy in non refrigerated foil pouches) but they forgot the Colby jack cheese on top and the salsa! The rolls will stand up better to the gravy if you toast them but these are definitely a make them as you eat them item as opposed to making a bunch and sitting them on a platter.
Ralph Nader: Trump for President? Giving GOP nightmares
If he survives the first three months of mass media drubbing him and his notorious affliction of ‘leaving no impulsive opinion behind,’ he’s going to be trouble for the other fifteen or so Republican presidential candidates.
Already the commentators have derided his massive egotitis – he said “I” 195 times in his announcement speech, not counting the 28 times he said “my” or “mine” or the 22 mentions of “me.”
But Trump revels in self-promotion and, as one commentator wrote, “plays the media like a harp.”
If he is still campaigning by Labor Day, watch out Republicans! He will be a big nightmare for Republican contenders – from Jeb Bush to Ted Cruz, from John Kasich to Scott Walker.
Here are some reasons why:
Many American voters love to vote for very rich candidates, whether they are Republicans or Democrats. They believe they can’t be bought. They love business success stories. And being very rich, the media keeps the very rich candidates in the limelight, as do the national polls.
He can pay for his own media. Remember billionaire Ross Perot and his purchase of national television to show his charts on deficits. People laughed.
But Mr. Perot got 19 million votes in 1992, even after dropping out of the campaign in the summer and being labeled a conspiracy theorist before again becoming a candidate in the fall!
Trump regularly and personally attacks the other candidates, which makes for regular news. The other candidates do not like to engage in personal attacks unless under political duress.
Trump turns liabilities into assets, including his vaunted forthcoming disclosures of his net worth – he focused on assets, while ignoring many complex liabilities. While Jeb Bush and Mitt Romney before him tried to play down their wealth, Trump insists he’s worth over ten billion dollars.
He even ridiculed Bush who announced for president without wearing a suit and tie.
To accusations that he has taken public subsidies and eminent domain protections for his giant projects, Trump replies that capital and tax money create jobs and more businesses.
Trump will crowd other candidates out from valuable TV, radio (Rush Limbaugh thinks highly of him) and print space. To adjust, they may have to become more flamboyant, further expanding the circus-like atmosphere of the Republican Primaries, while the Democratic Party leaders chortle.
Some of Trump’s positions have sizable support among Republican voters. He believes in public works programs on a big scale. He talks jobs, jobs, jobs and says he’s the only one among the candidates, who has been creating jobs.
He objects strongly to the trade agreements, including the proposed Trans-Pacific deal now in the news, on the grounds that other countries, such as Japan and China, are superior negotiators and are taking us to the cleaners.
He wants to build a tall wall on the Mexican border. He is against Common Core and federalizing education.
He warned against invading Iraq in some detail, predicting it would expand Iran’s influence. He is for a strong military and talks about the mistreatment of veterans. He exudes self-confidence and attaches it to American national interests.
Having survived tough, acidic New York journalism for years, he is almost scandal-proof. Attacks from his business and political enemies have helped to immunize the big-time scrapper from serious reporting.
He feeds off public cynicism about politics.
If the Republican bigwigs try to exclude or humiliate him, Trump has the means to run as an Independent candidate for president — as Mr. Perot essentially did under the banner of his Reform Party.
Just the prospect of that added nightmare might induce caution at the top levels of the GOP.
He is not going to run out of money and, unlike his competitors, he doesn’t have to spend any precious campaign time dialing for dollars or making campaign promises.
He can hire the smart strategists, speech-writers, election lawyers and primary delegate-seekers.
One hurdle Trump may not be able to surmount is Saturday Night Live. Lorne Michaels, SNL’s forever producer, uses exaggeration and satire to lampoon politicians.
How can he satirize buffoonish satire itself? How can he exaggerate Trump who brags that the master bathroom on his private jet has a 24-karat-gold-plated sink?
Geeze here I am forced to admit two weeks in a row that Ralph Nader has a point!
If next week I have to agree with Hillary or Obama I swear I’m going to have Impish eat me and put me out of my misery!
Isn’t there something in the foretelling of the Apocalypse’s coming about liberals regaining their wisdom?