Leprechaun Laughs # 306 for July 8th 2015


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As you get off the elevator at the Conference Room level Lethal favors for presenting his issues you are met by DL/LL staffers who check each of you over critically under the watchful eye of a pair of CyberLethals. You are cautioned for your own safety to remove anything that jingles jangles click clops beeps buzzes or otherwise makes noise and place them in what they claim are sound proof bags. You are cautioned to place your phones on silent though they strongly recommend you turn them completely off. All this is being conducted barely above the level of a whisper.

When you ask what this is for or about you are informed it is a safety precaution due to a currently on going medical issue with the Ninja Kitties. You become concerned and inquire if its contagious. You’re inform that it is in fact not contagious as its not possible to transfer an epic hangover in between humans let alone interspecies.

As you enter the Conference Room you see that it is set up as is usual post party around here. there is a 2 bay treatment area from Hangover Heaven replete with medical chairs Oxygen & IV materials in the back corner partially concealed by screens. Several the the HH team are passing among the assembled offering analgesics, sunglasses, Gatorade and other post party relief materials. A CyberLethal at the door hands you a pair of headphones instructing to you wear them for the issue as the normal pre issue address will be done over them to insure maximum quiet.

You notice three other things as well. The first being the scent of real Lethal Brown Gold Coffee coming from the urn in the cheap seats. Secondly you notice a preponderance of sleeping cats not curled up (though a few are) but generally sprawled out all over the room. The third being that every video monitor in the room is scrolling or flashing the same message:

Let Sleeping Cats Lay! DO NOT Startle, Frighten, Rouse, Awaken or Otherwise Disturb Sleeping Cats! IF one climbs in your lap or arms LET IT! This is for your own safety!

YOU might have ONE beauty of a hangover but THEY HAVE NINE!

IGNORE THIS WARNING AT YOUR OWN (DIRE) PERIL!

As you’re taking all this in you see Impish on the stage apparently having made use of the freight elevator off stage slow and carefully making his way to his place on stage holding himself some what stiffly & awkwardly. It’s then you notice Bruce the Brutal perched on Impish head between his horns sleeping half on his back and snoring loudly with his tail wrapped about Impish’s left ear. Impish appears to be wearing some sort of leather vest like garment and at least one of the pouches on the front of it sports a head and front paws of a sleeping cat lolling out of it while another appears to have a tail protruding from it.

Lethal has just made his way into the room and is carefully stepping around/over a few cats on the stairs to the stage. As he turns to face you you can see Chais unhappy face peering out of blood shot Azure eyes grumpily regarding you from inside Lethal’s vest  before making a rude sounding noise lowering her head and covering her eyes with a paw and grumbling.

Seeing Impish’s predicament and how uncomfortablly he’s straining not to disturb Brutus Lethal takes piety on him and motions for the CyberLethals to take the podium he normally uses over to Impish so he might use it as a chin rest and give his neck and shoulders a respite. Ishish sighs and regards Lethal greatfully giving him a thumbs up.

Lethal lowers a mic on his head set into place looks around the room and then his lips start moving. You hasten to don your head set.

…Folks! I see some of you are still pretty well the worse for wear. Hang in there hopefully the ministrations of the Hangover Heaven Crew, the analgesics, coffee and the shooters of Bailey’s for the coffee will bring you around.. I call your attention to the room doors which are now closed and sealed. this is because I’m having pure Oxygen pumped in under slightly hire than normal atmospheric pressure to help you all with your hangovers. By the time you finish the issue and you coffee the hyperbaric treatment should be done and have worked whatever magic its going to on you. As for those of you whom look like extras for some cheesy SciFI Invasion of the Lobstermen movie, all I can suggest is that you try to avoid any large tubs of drawn butter for a few days.

We do have one special announcement this morning but given how bad the majority of you still appear I think we’d better do the coffee first and then make that announcement.

YGR_LR 3

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And now that Announcement I spoke of…

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From all of us (real & imaginary) here at DL/LL Digital Media Enterprises

HDay3

Here’s your present!

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And here’s a little advice from someone older than you (I know hard to believe right?) on growing old:

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Whoops! Too Late!

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Well according to her:

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But according to Impish’s Research (which I counseled against)…

Ginny is so old her birth certificate is in Roman numerals & expired.
Ginny is so old, when she was a kid rainbows were black and white.
Ginny is so old, she walked into an antique shop and they put a price on her.
Ginny is so old if she were a car it would be time to roll back her odometer.
Ginny is so old Jurassic Park brought back memories.
Ginny is so old one of her pets was on on Noah’s Ark.
Ginny is so old she left her purse on Noah’s Ark.
Ginny is so old her social security number is 1.
Ginny is so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince
.Ginny is so old she knew Captain Crunch while he was still a private.
Ginny is so old she knew Mr. Clean when he had an afro.
Ginny is so old when she was a kid there was no Old Spice it was called baby spice
Ginny is so old they put her in a museum instead of an old folks home.
Ginny is  so old, she looks in the mirror and says “Mirror, Mirror on the wall..WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?”
Ginny is so old the candles cost more than the birthday cake.
Ginny is so old the fire department are on standby when you light her birthday cake.
Ginny is  so old, the candles on her birthday cake raised earths temperature by 3 degrees.

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Poor Impish! That dude can never catch a break! Not even in that other reality he insists is his real life. He was so happy to finally have a place of his own where he really could be king of his own castle without having to ask some property management company “please sir might I have permission to…”

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The coach had put together the perfect team for the Cleveland Browns. The only thing missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn’t find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.  

Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in the West Bank . In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Israeli soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away.  KABOOM!
He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney. KA-BLOOEY!
Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.  BULLS-EYE!

“I’ve got to get this guy!” Coach said to himself. “He has the perfect Arm!”
So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Browns go on  to win the Super Bowl.

The young man is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants,  all the young man wants is to call his Mother.

“Mom,” he says into the phone, “I just won the Super Bowl!”

“I don’t want to talk to you,” the old woman says.  “You are not my son!”

“I don’t think you understand, Mother,” the young man pleads. “I’ve won the greatest sporting event  in the world.  I’m here among thousands of my adoring fans.”

“No! Let me tell you!” his mother retorts. “At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn’t get raped!”  The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says,…

“I will never forgive you for making us move to Cleveland!”

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An air traffic control tower suddenly lost communication with a small twin engine aircraft. A moment later the tower land line rang and was answered by one of the employees.

The passenger riding with the pilot who lost communications was on a cellular phone and yelled “Mayday, mayday!! The pilot had an instant and fatal heart attack. I grabbed his cell phone out of his pocket and he had told me before we took off he had the tower on his speed dial memory. I am flying upside down at 18,000 feet and traveling at 180 mph. Mayday, mayday!”

The employee in the tower had put him on speaker phone immediately. “Calm down, we acknowledge you and we’ll guide you down after a few questions. The first thing is not to panic, remain calm!”.

He began his series of questions:

Tower : ” How do you know you are traveling at 18,000 feet?”

Aircraft: “I can see that it reads 18,000 feet on the Altimeter dial in front of me.”

Tower: “Okay, that’s good, remain calm. How do you know you’re traveling at 180 mph?”

Aircraft: “I can see that it reads 180 mph on the Airspeed dial in front of me.”

Tower: Okay, this is great so far, but it’s heavily overcast, so how do you know you’re flying upside down?”

Aircraft : ” “The shit in my pants is running out of my shirt collar

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Breathtaking ruins of the Soviet space shuttle program

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(CNN)What was once the gleaming pride and joy of the Soviet space program now lies covered in dirt and bird droppings in a disused hangar in Kazakhstan.

With their broken windows, missing tiles and ransacked interiors, these shuttles are a haunting — and fascinating — piece of space history, rarely seen by the outside world.

Indeed, when 36-year-old Russian photographer Ralph Mirebs discovered the derelict shuttles and rocket at Baikonur Cosmodrome, he was touched by the sad end for these “wonderful winged machines.”

In another lifetime, these prototypes are thought to have been part of the Soviets’ Buran Program, which began in 1974 and was discontinued in 1993.

To see the rest of the amazing photos click here

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Ask Impish, one should never challenge a Kitty-Fu master! At least, not without stock in a band-aid company!

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We know Ginny darlin’ and its ok. We still love you despite the blonde syndrome you suffer!

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The 3 worst companies at protecting your data

When it comes to keeping your data secure, not all businesses are created equal. That’s why the Electronic Frontier Foundation created a report card to let you know how well popular tech companies are protecting your data from government snoops.

It looked at all sorts of businesses, from cell service providers to gadget manufacturers, and the results are quite surprising.

According to the EFF,

Congress … dragged its feet on halting the NSA’s indiscriminate surveillance of online communications and has yet to enact the strong reforms we deserve. Congress is even on the precipice of making things far worse, considering proposals that would mandate government backdoors into the technology we rely on to digitally communicate.

The EFF judged companies based on 5 basic criteria: Follows Industry Accepted Best Practices, Tells Users About Government Data Demands, Discloses Policies on Data Retention, Discloses Government Content Removal Requests, and Pro-user Public Policy: opposes backdoors.

The EFF took a look at 24 companies in total, and three stood out as the worst at protecting your data. Who are the culprits? That would be AT&T, Verizon and WhatsApp. AT&T and WhatsApp only met one of the EFF’s criteria, and Verizon met two.

The report wasn’t all bad news, though. Nine companies received five-star ratings from EFF. Adobe, Apple, CREDO, Dropbox, Sonic, Wickr, Wikimedia, WordPress.com and Yahoo each met all five pieces of the EFF’s data security criteria. You can see every single company’s results in the EFF’s chart below, and you can access the full report here to read about how your favorite companies faired.

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http://www.komando.com/happening-now/313346/the-3-worst-companies-at-protecting-your-data/all

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After all the work in the last 10 days on issues plus all the stuff going on here at Keebler Towers I’m taking the easy way out today with a couple of video recipes before one actual sure to please recipe.

The Colder, Better Way To Have Iced Coffee

 

If you know me then you know coffee making and consumption is a very serious subject with me, one I don’t take lightly. I approve of and personally make these myself. I tried one with a  single glass I had here and actually went out and bought glasses to do this with. This is one of the very few times I would recommend possibly considering a flavored coffee, within reasonable limits of course!

3-Ingredient Pancakes You Need To Try

 

Charleston Cheese Dip

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Total Time: 25 min
Prep: 10 min
Cook: 15 min
Yield: 10 servings
Level: Easy

 

 

 

 

Ingredients

1/2 cup mayonnaise
One 8-ounce package cream cheese, softened
1 cup grated sharp Cheddar cheese
1/2 cup grated Monterey Jack cheese
2 green onions, finely chopped
1 dash cayenne pepper
8 butter crackers, crushed, such as Ritz
8 slices bacon, cooked and crumbled
Corn chips, crackers or bagel chips, for serving

Directions

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.
In a medium bowl, mix the mayonnaise, cream cheese, Cheddar cheese, Monterey Jack cheese, green onions and cayenne pepper. Transfer the mixture to a shallow baking dish, such as a 9-inch pie pan. Top the mixture with the cracker crumbs and bake until heated through, about 15 minutes.
Remove the pan from the oven and top with the bacon. Serve immediately with corn chips, crackers or bagel chips.

Try it with crabmeat or sautéed mushrooms!

Unexpected Ways to Top Hot Dogs

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We don’t get “French country rolls” her in Texas so we go with fresh baguette and usually substitute French Fried Onions from the can chopped up for the potato chips and a little Alouette cheese spread (a whipped cream Brie with Garlic & Herbs in the roll.

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Better with bacon, either wrapped around the dog before grilling or from the pouch mixed in the cheese spread. Consider red roasted pepper strips, or grilling the peppers in place of raw.

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You got balsamic vinegar? You got ketchup? You got balsamic ketchup. Feeling the need to kick this up? Substitute halved and seeded pickles Italian Cherry peppers for the tomatoes. Better yet do what I do, use the brine from the hot cherry peppers to pickle some cherry tomatoes and use those!

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The hell with the Veggie dog! Use a proper dog like Nathans or Hebrew National! Don’t use that jarred Natcho cheese sauce either! <Shudder!> All you need is a little Velveeta and some Salsa and you’re in business.

This is another case where bacon makes it ‘mor beddar!’ Also if you can get them try Alexia brand potato puffs for this. When they come out of the oven hit them right away with a little salt plus onion & garlic powders.

Finally pickled jalapenos are tamer than their fresh counter parts and you can tame them even more by removing the seeds and pith from the center of the slices.

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A great switch up to breakfast tacos/burritos, especially when camping (you can get sausage gravy in non refrigerated foil pouches) but they forgot the Colby jack cheese on top and the salsa! The rolls will stand up better to the gravy if you toast them but these are definitely a make them as you eat them item as opposed to making a bunch and sitting them on a platter.

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Ralph Nader: Trump for President? Giving GOP nightmares

imageDonald Trump, the bombastic builder of Trump towers and Trump gambling casinos, is moving from his reality TV show to the theater of presidential elections.

If he survives the first three months of mass media drubbing him and his notorious affliction of ‘leaving no impulsive opinion behind,’ he’s going to be trouble for the other fifteen or so Republican presidential candidates.

Already the commentators have derided his massive egotitis – he said “I” 195 times in his announcement speech, not counting the 28 times he said “my” or “mine” or the 22 mentions of “me.”

But Trump revels in self-promotion and, as one commentator wrote, “plays the media like a harp.”

If he is still campaigning by Labor Day, watch out Republicans! He will be a big nightmare for Republican contenders – from Jeb Bush to Ted Cruz, from John Kasich to Scott Walker.

Here are some reasons why:

Many American voters love to vote for very rich candidates, whether they are Republicans or Democrats. They believe they can’t be bought. They love business success stories. And being very rich, the media keeps the very rich candidates in the limelight, as do the national polls.

He can pay for his own media. Remember billionaire Ross Perot and his purchase of national television to show his charts on deficits. People laughed.

But Mr. Perot got 19 million votes in 1992, even after dropping out of the campaign in the summer and being labeled a conspiracy theorist before again becoming a candidate in the fall!

Trump regularly and personally attacks the other candidates, which makes for regular news. The other candidates do not like to engage in personal attacks unless under political duress.

Trump turns liabilities into assets, including his vaunted forthcoming disclosures of his net worth – he focused on assets, while ignoring many complex liabilities. While Jeb Bush and Mitt Romney before him tried to play down their wealth, Trump insists he’s worth over ten billion dollars.

He even ridiculed Bush who announced for president without wearing a suit and tie.

To accusations that he has taken public subsidies and eminent domain protections for his giant projects, Trump replies that capital and tax money create jobs and more businesses.

Trump will crowd other candidates out from valuable TV, radio (Rush Limbaugh thinks highly of him) and print space. To adjust, they may have to become more flamboyant, further expanding the circus-like atmosphere of the Republican Primaries, while the Democratic Party leaders chortle.

Some of Trump’s positions have sizable support among Republican voters. He believes in public works programs on a big scale. He talks jobs, jobs, jobs and says he’s the only one among the candidates, who has been creating jobs.

He objects strongly to the trade agreements, including the proposed Trans-Pacific deal now in the news, on the grounds that other countries, such as Japan and China, are superior negotiators and are taking us to the cleaners.

He wants to build a tall wall on the Mexican border. He is against Common Core and federalizing education.

He warned against invading Iraq in some detail, predicting it would expand Iran’s influence. He is for a strong military and talks about the mistreatment of veterans. He exudes self-confidence and attaches it to American national interests.

Having survived tough, acidic New York journalism for years, he is almost scandal-proof. Attacks from his business and political enemies have helped to immunize the big-time scrapper from serious reporting.

He feeds off public cynicism about politics.

If the Republican bigwigs try to exclude or humiliate him, Trump has the means to run as an Independent candidate for president — as Mr. Perot essentially did under the banner of his Reform Party.

Just the prospect of that added nightmare might induce caution at the top levels of the GOP.

He is not going to run out of money and, unlike his competitors, he doesn’t have to spend any precious campaign time dialing for dollars or making campaign promises.

He can hire the smart strategists, speech-writers, election lawyers and primary delegate-seekers.

One hurdle Trump may not be able to surmount is Saturday Night Live. Lorne Michaels, SNL’s forever producer, uses exaggeration and satire to lampoon politicians.

How can he satirize buffoonish satire itself? How can he exaggerate Trump who brags that the master bathroom on his private jet has a 24-karat-gold-plated sink?

Geeze here I am forced to admit two weeks in a row that Ralph Nader has a point!

If next week I have to agree with Hillary or Obama I swear I’m going to have Impish eat me and put me out of my misery!

Isn’t there something in the foretelling of the Apocalypse’s coming about liberals regaining their wisdom?

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About lethalleprechaun

I believe in being the kind of man who, when my feet touch the floor in the morn', causes the Devil to say "BUGGER ME! HIMSELF IS UP!" ======== I'm a White Married Heterosexual who fervently believes in the war(s) we are fighting, the Second Amendment which I plan on defending with my last breath and my last round of ammunition as well as Arizona's stringent law on Immigration and the need for the border wall. I'm a right of center Con-centrist with Tea Party & Republican sympathies who drives an SUV. I am a Life Time Member of the NRA, a Charter Member of the Patriots' Border Alliance and North American Hunters Association. If there is a season for it and I can shoot one I'll eat it and proudly wear its fur. I believe PETA exists solely to be a forum for Gays, Vegetarians, Hollywood snobbery to stupid to get into politics and Soybean Growers. The ACLU stopped protecting our civil liberties sometime after the 1960s and now serves its own bigoted headline grabbing agenda much in the same way as the Southern Poverty Law Center. I am ecstatic that WE the PEOPLE finally got mad enough to rise up and take back the Government from WE the ENTITLED and reverently wish the Liberals would just get over the loss and quit whining/protesting all the time. After all they're just reaping what they've sown. I am Pro-choice both when it comes to the issue of abortion AND school prayer. I believe in a government for the people, by the people which represents and does the people's will. Therefore I an Pro States rights and mandatory term limits but against special interest group campaign contributions and soft money. I think that sports teams who allow their players to sit or take a knee during the National Anthem should be boycotted until the message is received that this is not acceptable behavior for role models for children. I believe Congressional salaries should be voted on bi-annually by the people they represent and not by themselves. I think Congress should be subject to every law they pass on the populace including any regarding Social Security or Healthcare. Speaking of the Healthcare bill (or con job as I see it) I hope Trump will overturn it and set things back to normal. I oppose the building of an Mosque or ANY Islamic center at or within a 10 mile radius of Ground Zero in New York. I will fight those in favor of this until hell freezes over and then I will continue to fight it hand to hand on the ice. Further I think the ban on immigrants from certain nations known to harbor and promote terrorism is a justified measure, at least until we can come up with better methods of vetting and tracking those non citizens we allow in the country. We did not inflict this measure on them those who refuse to point out, denounce or fight radical religious terrorism brought this upon themselves.
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3 Responses to Leprechaun Laughs # 306 for July 8th 2015

  1. Hap says:

    Glad to see you are all moved in! Now the unpacking begins for the next few days, weeks, months….

  2. Ginny "OLDER THEN DIRT: says:

    Well I must say, in all my many years, I never had such an announcement of my birthday. You truly out did yourself. Yes, please send the “SEXY” guy over to help me celebrate…..woo hoo!
    As far as your question, what play was being performed the night Lincoln was shot….My American Cousin…..I must say I was quite disappointed when they cancelled the balance of the show after the commotion with Abe.

    Another great issue, following the celebrations of July 4th. I’m still nursing a bit of a hangover…. you guys really know how to party. Your hot dog toppings were outstanding….and yes give me
    a Hebrew National hot dog….nothing compares. Well I gots to go, Paul is taking me for a ride to
    “Put Them Out to Pasture”, he told me it’s a new amusement park.

    • lethalleprechaun says:

      Umm…thats a ‘retirement’ facility Ginny!
      Guys take their wives there so they can go next door to the place beside it
      ‘Sugar Daddy’s Fun Center’ and get a younger model.

      I wasn’t going to say anything about this, but since you alluded to it…
      Rumor has it you knew dirt when it went by the name rock. Any truth there?

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