Good Morning Campers,
As we mentioned last week, I will be covering Lethal’s Wednesday and he will be covering my Saturday…except, he sent me the following to include in my issue. So, in essence, he has done both the Saturday special issue for Independence Day AND his usual Wednesday issue. All I’m really doing is adding a few comments, a little at the end and calling it done.
Man! What a great PAL he is!
So…without further ado…I give you, Lethal Leprechaun:
OK so before we get swamped with anymore questions from you distraught/concerned party planning to attend readers let’s address the Impish sized elephant in the room.
Relax Impish there is no actual elephant its just a figure of speech. Sheesh!
As I was saying…For some reason this year the 4th falling on a Saturday is causing employers all sorts of confusion. Some are giving their people Friday off, some are giving them Monday off (probably expecting they’ll still be recovering) and still others are giving off nothing. I know you’re all concerned about getting you maximum amount of party time in so we’re covering both bases.
THE ANNUAL DL/LL DIGITAL MEDIA INDEPENDENCE DAY EXTRAVAGANSA WILL COMMENCE AT 6 PM ON THURSDAY JULY 2nd WITH EARLY CHECK IN FOR PATRONS AND CONTINUE TO RUN UNABATED THRU 6PM ON MONDAY JULY 6TH.
As with our Memorial Day party, anyone found wandering the grounds still attempting to party after that time will be pressed into service with the clean up crew and held against their will until the entire party mountain is spic and span. You will accomplish this using your own toothbrush. Fair warning given!
Finished Party Facility Photos
Two new views of the now totally completed Gatehouse Facility which houses the Gatehouse Bar & Grill on the lower level, the facilities entrance area and the Patron’s accommodations. The inner courtyard on the second level via the skylights looks down on the Gatehouse Bar & grill for those interested in keeping track of their spouses, lovers or booty call partners.
I vote for the Bloody Dragon!
Patron’s Dining Area
Breakfast Service starts at 4 AM when the most of the areas will close for cleaning and restocking until 6AM. We’ve anticipated a variety of needs for breakfast from fresh hot donuts and baked goods to breakfast burritos and biscuits for those who want to eat a light breakfast to more substantial things for those needing either to fuel up for the day ahead or to soak up some of that alcohol. Biscuits and Gravy (w/ or w/o an egg), full on Irish & English breakfasts for those of you from across the pond, egg benedict, a meat lovers breakfast, French toast breakfasts (pictured to go but all breakfasts are available to go to take back to your rooms) a traditional Pancake breakfast, heck we’ve even got Smore’s Pancakes with warm dark chocolate drizzle for those wanting to experience the intimate in sugar rushes&/or diabetic comas
Of course a full assortment of breakfast beverages are available, including for this party only my own Brown Gold coffee blend and custom blended Earl Grey and Irish Breakfast teas along with more than a dozen types of juice and 8 different smoothies. Oh wow! Brown Gold and Orange Juice! We even have those of you who feel compelled to play with your food covered:
You can get it with French toast fingers or plank cut fried and griddled potatoes.
Open Air (seasonally) Wine & Cigar Bar
You can relax in our Wine & Cigar bar out of the sun but still (weather permitting open to the outdoors or you can lounge pools side and work on your tan while enjoying the music and a nice glass of wine.
If you guys lose track of me, look here first! This is where I’ll be spending most of my time. A Cuban in one hand and a special glass of wine in the other.
Normally it’s a Blues/Jazz Bar however for the opening weekend we’ve managed to snare several well known acts which will play multiple times throughout the weekend:
The Piano Guys:
Bond String Quartet:
It will be featuring the fruits of our latest venture ‘Celtic Blues Vineyards’ wines as well as both Impish and my personal labels :
Speaking of wine here’s a little wine related tip to help with your party enjoyment:
You can enjoy any of them on the Wine & Cigar Bars partially covered deck though you might need to beware the ‘sun napping’ dragon as this is rapidly becoming a favorite place of his to relax after a hard day of being Impish Dragon or Mr. Blue. True. I do like lounging in the sun.
Though I strongly suggest if you encounter this situation you accommodate it with good humor. Impish learned the hard way the wisdom of these sage words of advice. Rumor has it that head/ear scratches, belly rubs and the odd bit of meat removed from the tails of shrimp cocktails will be gratefully received if you encounter any Ninja kitties like this
As you can clearly see the Ninja Kitties are more than ready for the party and have even gone so far as to dress for it. IU wouldn’t suggest trying to keep up with them unless you are a mythical creature- they do have 9 lives to party with after all.
Here’s a look at an outdoor portion of the completed tube ride:
The waterfall feature of the tube ride. [As you can see a few people are hard at work finishing up one of Impish’s ‘hidden napping spots’ under the falls. Originally the area was just meant to house some of the controls for the water ride and access to the piping. However dragons will be dragons and after several mishaps with tails and piping we were forced to enlarge it to accommodate a napping dragon.]
Eventually the falls will take you to our water slide at the picnic area:
Where you’ll be carefully watched over by our capable lifeguards. Here are a couple now:
Water slides or pools with in pool bars not your thing? Take the other fork of the float ride then leading to a more tranquil & relaxing area:
Fire pit will be lit at night
(Don’t worry about the Ghostrider he’s just there to insure a successful proper campfire!) however anyone caught taking unfair/forced advantage of another guest or behaving in an inappropriate manner might ‘accidentally’ find themselves on the receiving end of his Penance Stare. Fair warning given!
and S’mores materials will of course be readily available. Be sure to Try the Dragon S’mores! Grilled Marshmallows & Nutella on Freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. In addition we have S’mores brownies for those too lazy to actually make their own as well as banana and strawberry varieties
Or you can chill out in one of the several pools dotting the facility:
and perhaps work on your tan.
Watch out for unintended tan lines however!
Be warned however than what happens beneath the water might be observed as several of the pools have glass sides which are viewable from one of our bars.
Continuing on with the subject of our water features-
The geothermal heated hot springs are now completed for nice relaxing soaks. As you can see we’ve taken great pains to incorporate them into the natural landscaping and keep the lighting to a minimum for the after dark fun and frolic crowd!
We also have multiple party Jacuzzi tub/pool arrangements.
With all this activity and heat it will be important to stay hydrated so avail yourself of a can of something cold from one of our wander Beverage Babes.
The cans are icy cold and come in a koozie to keep it that way for as long as possible. Guys, we would ask that once you finish tipping (which is of course not required and entirely optional) one of our Beverage Babes you return her to her original upright position and allow her to continue her mission of rehydration as soon as possible.
You won’t be wasting any time hosing the Chlorine or Dragon slobber off between activities either! We have the latest in shower technology for your rinsing off guaranteed to never run out of hot water and take practically no time at all.
Of course if your in mind for a more leisurely post pool/dragon tongue bath shower, there are the showers located outside the private cabanas if you’re a Patron. OR the ‘party shower in the gatehouse for those of you interested in some good clean wet adult fun.
After a morning of partying you’ll probably be hungry we’re well prepared for that. Fortunately I was able to procure the services of Hogwarts Kitchen Staff for the summer parties which means fantastic amounts and varieties of food.
We’ve got your sandwich needs covered. Meatball sub on toasted garlic bread, All manner of Crosandwiches, Chicken and Waffle sandwich, Rubens with my own magical pastrami or try my favorite, the New Yorker- 1/2 Pastrami & 1/2 Corned Beef! Dagwood Clubs you’ll have to unhinge your jaw for (unless you’re a dragon or troll) and and Italian Hoagie with unabashedly sassy Giardiniera relish that will make you sing the Tarantella Napolitana from the Godfather. Oh wait! Did I forget to mention the whole loaf of Italian bread Chicken &/or Veal Parmesan subs?
We’re not picturing the burgers (12 kinds) hot dogs (6 kinds), grilled sausages (8 kinds). VEGITARIAN BURGERS?! SOY DOGS?! THROW THAT PANSEY AZZED LIBERAL OUT OF HERE NOW!
As I was saying, we don’t have the space and/or time to show those as well as all the standard sides for a party of this nature. Those are an automatic given, though probably several notches above what you are used to.
SIGH! What now?! OK! OK Already Impish! Apparently I an required to show you his hot dog creation, ‘The Dragon Dog’ before pressing on. Its 6 foot long Nathan’s hot dogs, chili, bacon, pickled Jalapenos, yellow mustard and 3 kinds of white cheese on a split sub roll as seen here:
We’ve got you pizza cravings covered too. Breakfast pizzas, Pizzas big enough to feed hungry dragons, deep dish pizzas, pizza by the slice, pizza fries and even Sloppy Joe Pizza Bagels!
By the way- did I mention the fact you have the option of getting your pizza from our wood fired oven or off a grill?
As you are going through the tour, you notice that your feet are beginning to get wet. Looking around for a leak, you notice Impish Dragon drooling gallons and gallons of drool, all over the stage and running down into the audience.
Damn it Lethal! Now I’m stuck between all the wonderful food choices and I can’t make up my mind. I’m frozen solid with indecision and will probably be stuck here till I starve! That is if I don’t dehydrate myself to death with drooling!
And it’s all your fault!
What do you mean, there’s more?!
You’ve a hankerin’ for some TexMex/Mexican? Nada Problamo Pardner!
Super Nachos ( 4 kinds), Double stacked Quesadillas (6 kinds), Taquitos (4 kinds) Fajitas/Tacos ( 6 ways), Enchiladas 4 ways, BBQ fries (made with the burnt ends of brisket & p0rk plus our own special BBQ sauce and a ladle of chili) Brisket rubbed with ‘Leprechaun Dust’ and slow smoked, Pulled Pork so falling apart tender you won’t even need to chew it and of course ribs ( 2 styles of pork plus beef , & beefalo).
Asian Cuisine? Your covered! Szechuan, Noodle Bowls (43 options to pick and choose from w/ no limit other than what you can cram in the bowl), Sushi (3 types and up to 18 different kinds), Egg Rolls, Wok Fried Black Pepper & Garlic shrimp, Dumplings/Pot Stickers (4 kinds & 2 ways)
plus all the normal mundane dishes you can think of
While you digest all that you might want to spend a little quiet time in one for our Video Gaming Suites , or the Media Library (last photo is from the other end showing access to the interior of the media stacks. With over 250,000, movies and music albums on hand you might be a while.
or, if you’re a Patron and got here early enough to have a choice of Patron’s Rooms, you might get to retire to your room for a snooze in this unique and novel bed while feeling like a King or Queen!
NOW, I really need to get back to working to the Independence Day Issue itself and supervising the final details and loading in of all the food stuffs and Potables. I’m sure there is a pile of stuff I missed but I still have the next issue to cover it .
Oh one last thing, my personal thanks to Impish’s private harem of Virgins for acting in the capacity of both Facility Beta testers for the last week as well as models for this tour of the facilities.
There is no way in hell I’m even going to try to compete with THAT!!!!
Oh my gawd! What a fantastic tour!
And you know what’s even crazier? There’s even more coming on Saturday! Yup! There sure is!
So, let’s round out this issue with …
Impish Dragon is sitting at his desk, with his feet up, working on his computer. By looking at him, his fingers poised over the keyboard, but not moving, you would think that he was stuck in a thought or perhaps, as the seconds go by and turn into minutes, that he is catatonic, for no typing is taking place, but his eyes are wide open and unstaring into the distance. To those fellow members of team D.R.A.G.O.N. who know him, they would not be surprised by this action as it seems to take place several times a day. Usually Impish, a.k.a. Mr. Blue, is asleep with his eyes open, off in day dream land thinking of the latest pastry or virgin he will have for lunch, or perhaps, on a good day, trying to think of another word for the fourth or fifth meal of the day that the hobbits haven’t already thought of.
But not today. Today is different. Today, an inner battle is raging turmoil in his overly large, but underutilized brain. Why don’t we peek in on him and see what chaos is fermenting above his brain pan. Follow me as we walk across his shoulder, climb into his ear canal and walk down the long empty corridor towards his brain. You can hear your footsteps echo in here. You’d think that would disturb him and wake him from his state, but as you can see, he doesn’t even raise his had to scratch his ear.
Okay, we turn left here. You wonder where we’d go if we turned right? Well, eventually, we’d end up coming out one of his nostrils, and trust me when I tell you, that is not any fun.
Okay, we have two choices here. The left door goes to his conscious mind and the right to his unconscious. Let’s try the left one first.
The door opens with a loud creaking and seems to get stuck after only a couple of inches. You give a huge push and the door opens a little further with a horrendous groan.
A little bit of WD-40 would go a long way in here, don’t you think? Well, as you can see, there isn’t ANYTHING going on in his conscious mind. And from the looks of Mr. Dragon from the outside, I suppose that’s not too surprising. Let’s try the other door.
With much pushing and shoving you manage to get the left door closed with a commiserate amount of groaning and squealing from the door. You approach the second door and can hear at least two distinct voices coming from the other side. When you open this door, you are surprised when it opens very quietly as if it’s gotten a lot of use and care. After listening carefully for a few seconds it’s easy to identify the different voices. Let’s listen in.
Mr. Blue: Explain to me again what you think it is we’re doing here…and who you are exactly.
Mr. Gray: I’m you. Well, part of you. You should remember, that you have three distinct forms you can change into. You got that so far, big guy?
Mr. Blue: Yeah, I can change into three forms. A mature blue dragon, complete with scales, wings, tail, flying, fire breathing, the whole nine-yards.
Mr. Gray: Correct. In that form you are the traditional dragon that razes villages, eats villagers, eats virgins in the traditional sense, etc.
Mr. Blue: Right. And I can change into my smaller dragon form. Traditionally known as Impish Dragon…
Impish Dragon: I’m hungry. I’m horny. Hee, Hee, Hee! I’m hungry and horny. Hee, Hee, Hee! Feed me or f….
Mr. Blue and Mr. Gray: Shut up, Impish!
Mr. Blue: Anyway, Impish is my public persona that is most well-known amongst the staff and members of Dragon Laffs. He’s the “face” of Dragon Laffs if you get my drift. With my help, he is usually a fairly capable fellow…
Impish Dragon: Oh look! Shiny!
Mr. Blue: …but when he’s on his own, and I am otherwise occupied plotting and planning he tends to get himself in trouble. Most of the time that Mr. Green is upset with us, it’s because I’ve allowed him too much control and he ends up doing something stupid. Also, changing forms is very taxing and I end up having to rest, which gives him more control. Anyway, it’s been a work in progress for several hundred years and we’re still working the bugs out of the system.
Mr. Gray: But you have a third form…
Mr. Blue: Yes … I do … but I’m finding it very hard to remember who or what that third form is. It’s like it’s right there … and I could reach out and touch it … but it is just out of reach. It’s actually very annoying.
Mr. Gray: Why don’t you sit down Mr. Blue.
Mr. Blue: Um … not to point too fine a point on this but, we’re having this conversation inside my head. It’s totally dark in here and how can you tell if we’re sitting or standing.
Impish Dragon: Gold coins and virgins. Virgins and gold coins. There’s a song in that somewhere. Where’s Lethal Leprechaun? He’s good with songs. Lethal? Hey my little green buddy, where are you? Lethal?
Mr. Gray: Okay, I’m going to turn the lights on, but I don’t want you to be surprised.
As you watch, the blackness begins to lighten and you begin to see the outline of a black cavern. Right in front of you is a huge blue dragon, laying on his belly, his front paws resting under his chin, while his large, elongated snout points towards a human man, standing in front of him. As they come into focus a short puff of smoke comes out of the dragons maw and the man takes a step back waving his hand in front of his nose. Near the edges of the blackness you can see Impish Dragon peering into the darkness. You assume he is looking for Lethal Leprechaun, but you can’t ever be really sure.
Mr. Gray: Gez, Mr. Blue. What the hell did you have for lunch? Never mind. Now, does my being here bring to mind what your third form is?
Mr. Blue: Well, just hazarding a guess here…
Impish Dragon: Are we a kobold? Kobolds are Kool! Hee, Hee, Hee! See what I did there?
Mr. Blue and Mr. Gray: Shut up, Impish!
Mr. Blue: As I was saying, I’d assume my third form is human.
Mr. Gray: Right…and…?
Mr. Blue: You! You’re my third form?
Mr. Gray: Exactly.
Mr. Blue: But how … who … and why don’t I remember?
Mr. Gray: To answer all those questions, let’s start with who. You can call me Bob…or Mr. Gray. Before we all started D.R.A.G.O.N. you knew everything about me. You WERE me. But, it was decided that, due to operational security, we needed to separate our identities between the two dragons on one side and the human on the other. Without going too much into the reasons behind that, let’s just suffice it to say that it was important.
Mr. Blue: And now it’s not?
Mr. Gray: Oh no! It’s just as important now as it ever was. The problem is,
Impish Dragon: Lethal? Where are you Lethal? I’ve got a story for you … no … wait … a song! I’ve got a song for you! Lethal?
Mr. Gray: ahem… the problem is, the use of the flashy thingy that Mr. Green uses on us, is beginning to have less and less of an effect on us and our personalities are beginning to blend again. Now, personally, I don’t find that to be such a bad thing. I can help you, as I did in the past, with our little blue friend over there …
Impish Dragon: You fracking green midget, where the hell are you?
Mr. Gray … from getting himself into trouble and lessen the beatings he gets and between the two of us, our mission success can only go up as we have the freedom to use all of our talents. Now, the problem is …
Mr. Blue: Mr. Green.
Mr. Gray: Exactly. I’m quite sure he will be concerned with mission security, and rightly so. We have become more of a liability. Not so much that I think it outweighs the benefit, mind you. But, I’m not sure that Mr. Green, and in turn HIS boss, will see it that way. And I can’t say I blame him. Since he’s not inside here …
Mr. Blue: Yeah, it’s crowded enough as it is.
Mr. Gray: …to see the precautions we’ll put into place, he can’t know for sure that they will work, even though we will KNOW that they will. So, here’s what we’re going to do. If I push on this, right here…
Mr. Blue: Stop! That feels … weird!
Mr. Gray: Right, so trust me, if I exert just a little MORE pressure, you will forget everything that has to do with me.
Mr. Blue: Okay, but what if you’re on the outside? If I push there, you’ll still remember.
Mr. Gray: Exactly, so you’d push right there. NO! Not now. It only takes a little pressure to accomplish the job.
Mr. Blue: So then, how do we put ourselves back together again.
Mr. Gray: Good question. If that happens, all you have to do is wait until it’s safe and double tap … LIGHTLY … the same spot and whoever is on the inside will put the memories back for the person on the outside.
Mr. Blue: You’re sure it will work?
Mr. Gray: Absolutely positive. The only thing is, there has to be at least one hour, sixty minutes, between the pushing of the spot. You can cause permanent damage if you do it in any less time than that. And even at that, at the one hour point, it’s going to be painful. The longer you can wait to press the spot, the easier it would be. After about three hours, there will be almost no pain at all. Well, comparatively.
Mr. Blue: Comparatively, what does that mean?
Mr. Gray: Well, there’s always going to be SOME pain. But, let’s not worry about that right now. There’s some other things we need to discuss and we can’t count on us not being disturbed from the outside. Although it will be easier and easier for us to communicate as we go. Practice makes perfect. Now, I believe that Mr. Green and Chitty already think something is going on with us, so we have to appear to all outward appearances …
You are suddenly yanked out of the conversation inside the dragon’s head as a bellowing leprechaun comes into your office.
Lethal Leprechaun comes right up beside you and yells, “IMPISH DRAGON, WHAT IN ALL THE NINE-HELLS ARE YOU DOING SLEEPING WHEN YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE FINISHING THAT BE-DAMNED REPORT FOR ME!!!”
Impish Dragon leaps to his feet with a gasp and a cry and a crash, as liquid forms a puddle between his feet. Both the dragon and the leprechaun look down and while Lethal Leprechaun starts laughing, Impish says, “Dammit Lethal, you made me spill my coffee! And BREAK one of my favorite mugs!”
As Lethal Leprechaun leaves Impish’s office he can be heard to say, “Sure me boyo. Sure. If that’s the story you want to stick to, I’ll not be sayin’ any different. Hey Terrance! Guess who I just made piss his pants! Har! Har! Har!”