While I am feeling much better than I was last week, I’m still not fit company for man nor beast (I know this because I’ve hurt a few beast’s feelings recently. NO! Not Impish’s). Thought things would get better as soon as the family member was buried. I was dead wrong.

Now the battle known as probate begins. Already the vultures are circling and trying to outright steal the estate or get in ahead of everyone else to mark their territory. Since I cannot physically be there for a prolonged intractable period, unless I plan on throwing away my business, this makes the entire affair 3 times as frustrating and 5 times as difficult. Toss in an estranged family member on top of that who can’t play nice with the rest..well you get the idea. Familicides  have historically been justified based on less.

Enough of this and my problems let’s move it along shall we?

The Perfect Formula For Brewing Coffee, Down To The Gram

There’s no doubt that coffee culture has reached an unprecedented level of snobbery. But that elitism also happens to produce one fine cup of java. Anyone who loves coffee (and we’re pretty sure that’s everyone reading this) knows that a perfectly brewed cup of coffee is a taste of heaven on earth.

While it’s true that we’ll drink weak coffee no matter how disappointing it is, and we’ll drink coffee that’s so strong it makes us feel nauseous (because at the end of the day, bad coffee is better than no coffee), we’re all in search of that perfect cup. And we just found a chart made by Roasty that shows us how to brew it — whether brewing one cup or 12.

The folks at Roasty recommend using a kitchen scale to achieve the perfect amount, but they understand that not everyone can embrace that level of coffee nerdery, so they offer many measurement options as you can see above. The ratios are not absolute — all coffee drinkers have their personal preference — but following them will get you the closest to a universally enjoyed cup of joe.

Until you feel you can brew a perfect cup with your eyes closed, we suggest printing out the chart and taping it to the fridge. Also, head on over to Roasty for more tips on brewing the perfect cup.

A homeowner in Alberta wakes up one morning to find a bear on her roof.

She looks in the yellow pages and finds an ad for “Alberta Bear Remover.”

So she calls the number and a man says he’ll be over in 30 minutes.

The bear remover arrives and gets out of his van. He’s got a ladder,

a baseball bat, 12-gauge shotgun and a mean looking pit bull dog.

“What are you going to do?” the homeowner asks.

“I’m going to put this ladder up against the roof.  Then I’m going to go up

and I’ll knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat.  When the bear

falls off the roof, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go.

The bear will become subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the

back of the van.”

Then he hands the shotgun to the homeowner.

“What’s the shotgun for?”asks the homeowner.

“If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog.”

Impish keeps insisting this is a brilliant crossover movie idea.

The Irish are always the first ones to come to the aid of their fellow man…passengers, in this case!

Shortly after take-off on an outbound evening Aer Lingus flight from Dublin to Boston, the lead flight attendant nervously made the following painful announcement in her lovely Irish brogue:

“Ladies and gentlemen, I’m so very sorry, but it appears that there has been a terrible mix-up by our catering service. I don’t know how this has happened, but we have 103 passengers on board, and unfortunately, we received only 40 dinner meals. I truly apologize for this mistake and inconvenience.”

When the muttering of the passengers had died down, she continued,

“Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal so that someone else can eat, will receive free and unlimited drinks for the duration of our 5 hour flight.

Her next announcement came about 2 hours later:

“If anyone is hungry, we still have 40 dinners available.”

S’mores Lasagna

Ingredients

• 1 package instant chocolate pudding
• 1 3/4 cups milk
• 1 cup mini marshmallows
• 1 container Cool Whip
• 1 container Marshmallow Fluff
• Graham crackers
• 2 cups heavy whipping cream
• 3 Tbsps. powdered sugar
• 2 Tbsps. cocoa powder
• Chocolate drizzle

Instructions

• In a bowl, combine pudding mix and milk. Whisk thoroughly, and set aside.
• In another bowl, combine Cool Whip, Marshmallow Fluff, and whip together with electric mixer.
• Add mini marshmallows, and combine with electric mixer.
• To assemble, layer graham crackers on the bottom of a baking dish. Add a layer of Cool Whip mixture, and a layer of pudding. Repeat until there are three layers.
• In a bowl, combine whipping cream, powdered sugar, and cocoa powder. Whip well with mixer.
• Layer this mixture on top of the lasagna.
• Sprinkle crumbled Graham crackers and add chocolate drizzle on top. Serve, and enjoy!

Bread Crumb Mac and Cheese Muffin Bites

Cook: 10 minutes
Prep: 10 minutes
Serves 6

Ingredients

1 cup milk
2 tsps. corn starch
1 egg
1 box macaroni
8 oz. cheddar cheese, shredded
1/2 cup Italian bread crumbs
2 Tbsps. butter

Instructions

Preheat oven to 400 ºF.
Mix milk, corn starch, and egg in a medium-size mixing bowl.
Boil macaroni according to directions on box.
Add shredded cheddar cheese and mix.
Pour in milk mixture and stir thoroughly.
Line muffin tin with muffin cups and coat with nonstick cooking spray.
Spoon macaroni and cheese mixture into each muffin cup.
In separate mixing bowl, combine Italian bread crumbs and butter.
Top each muffin cup with a spoonful of bread crumb mixture.
Bake 8 to 10 minutes at 400 ºF.
Allow to cool, serve, and enjoy!

I add cooked diced Ham, Smoked Sausage or crumbled Bacon to mine

So THAT’S where dragons come from!

Some strange and interesting facts about New Jersey

[A strange and interesting place]

You ever notice how nobody ever wants to talk about what is under the boardwalk?

And that’s saying something trust me!

Seriously, I spent a week there one afternoon! At least Houston has a Funeral Museum!

But you can still steal them and drive with a body in your trunk!

Even back then the Mob wasn’t about to let anybody make a movie on their territory

And that was before they even threw you down the slide head first!

Or as the kids called it Saturday night in Mom & Dad’s basement

It’s was also home to the highest teen birth rate at about the same time!

Get the windshield check the oil and hit the guy in the trunk wid dis tire tire again will ya? He’s making too much noise.

And most of them are working in Meth Labs too!

I think Jersey got snookered on that deal

So are Ginny and Impish

And shortly after Times Square hosts the premier of winners secret movie sex movie and sex texting pics!

And just to prove my quips are not just me hating on Jersey, here’s one from Jersey Ginny herself:

The New Jersey Way

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in D.C. — one from New Jersey, another from Tennessee and the third, from Florida. They go with a White House official to examine the fence.

How it works:

The Florida contractor, Jonathan, takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. “Well,” he says, “I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”

Cletus, the Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do the job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me.

Vito from New Jersey doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, “$2,700.”

The official, incredulous, says, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?”

Then Vito whispers back, “$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence.”

“Done!” replies the government official.
 

And that, my friends, is how it all works!

Been using this tactic a lot lately. It’s especially handy with those who don’t take the hint.

Bring Potato Chips

Take 60 seconds to read this story. It will give you time to settle your brain, gather your thoughts, calm down and finish your week off on a positive note.

A little boy wanted to meet God. He knew it was a long trip to where God lived, so he packed his suitcase with a bag of potato chips and a six-pack of root beer and started his journey.

When he had gone about three blocks, he met an old man. He was sitting in the park, just staring at some pigeons. The boy sat down next to him and opened his suitcase. He was about to take a drink from his root beer when he noticed that the old man looked hungry, so he offered him some chips. He gratefully accepted and smiled at him.

His smile was so pretty that the boy wanted to see it again, so he offered him a root beer. Again, he smiled at him. The boy was delighted! They sat there all afternoon eating and smiling, but they never said a word.

As twilight approached, the boy realized how tired he was and he got up to leave, but before he had gone more than a few steps, he turned around, ran back to the old man, and gave him a hug. He gave him his biggest smile ever.

When the boy opened the door to his own house a short time later, his mother was  surprised by the look of joy on his face. She asked him, “What did you do today that made you so happy?”

He replied, “I had lunch with God.” But before his mother could respond, he added, “You know what? He’s got the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen!”

Meanwhile, the old man, also radiant with joy, returned to his home. His son was stunned by the look of peace on his face and he asked, “Dad, what did you do today that made you so happy?”

He replied “I ate potato chips in the park with God.” However, before his son responded, he added, “You know, he’s much younger than I expected.”

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime! 

Embrace all equally!

Have lunch with God…….bring chips.