Good morning folks

A death in the family, an unplanned business trip to Galveston for two day which saw me come home with a slight relapse of my recent illness as well as heavy business workload have left me scant time to finish this issue over the past week and short on talk fit for polite company

Hopefully I can put forth a better effort next week.

Impish is doing our Easter Issue again this Year since it falls closer to his day than mine . Luckily we had decided this just prior to my getting all these surprises.

Now if you’ll excuse me I have a pile of customers, a wife, a bunch of irate family and a doctor all making demands of me and I have to find a way to appease them all.

Enjoy the issue

Left in the comments section for us by first time commenter Roger Brunswick.

My apologies Roger for removing this from the comments section but I found it quite well thought out and presented and unfortunately not nearly enough people read or use our comments section. By putting it here I made sure everyone would see it and you’d get your full 15 min of fame as it were.

I thought that your readers might enjoy this take on Trumps popularity. Perhaps the best explanation yet.

Here is an answer to the question asked by so many…. Why are so many Americans voting for Trump?

Like many citizens, I’ve wondered and tried so hard to understand why Trump has such a remarkable following. (The Democrats and Media seem to think it’s obvious why we should not !!) Then a friend sent me this Raccoon story. It makes no difference about your political leanings, it’s just a good explanation of WHY. (or it’s as good as any I have ever heard and I agree with it)

Please, don’t reply with political rants from your side of the fence. This is not a message to support either party. It just helps understand how on earth Trump can remain so “popular” You have to admit, it’s not easy to understand.

OK. To begin, a Republican writes a letter; read on, even if you are a Democrat, it explains the lure of Trump.

Dear Representative,

From the time I was able to vote I voted republican. I am 80 and have a great deal of respect and influence with hundreds of senior ball players who also network with thousands of others around the country.

I received your questionnaire and request for money and strongly agree with every question since Obama was elected. Unfortunately the one question that was missing is “What has the Republicans done for the American people?” We gave you a majority in the house and senate and you never listened to us. Now you want our money?

You should be more concerned about our votes, not our money. You are the establishment which means all you want is to save your jobs and line your pockets… Well guess what? “It’s not going to happen” You can shake in your boots when I tell you our movement is for TRUMP and he hasn’t asked for a dime.

You might think we are fools because you feel Trump is on a self destruct course but look beyond Washington and listen to the masses. Nobody has achieved what he has, especially in the state of New York.

If you really want to know how the majority of people feel? And this applies to both democrats and republicans, read below, it says it all.

Sincerely,

Here comes the part about the raccoons:

You’ve been on vacation for two weeks, you come home, and your basement is infested with raccoons. Hundreds of rabid, messy, mean raccoons have overtaken your basement. You want them gone immediately… You call the city, 4 different exterminators but nobody can handle the job… But there is this one guy and he guarantees you he will get rid of them, so you hire him. You don’t care if the guy smells, you don’t care if the guy swears, you don’t care if he’s an alcoholic, you don’t care how many times he’s been married, you don’t care who he votes or supports, you don’t care if he has plumber’s crack…you simply want those raccoons gone! You want your problem fixed! He’s the guy. He’s the best. Period

Back to Trump

Here’s why we want Trump, yes he’s a bit of an ass, yes he’s an egomaniac, but we don’t care.

The country is a mess because politicians suck, the Republican Party is two-faced & gutless, and illegals are everywhere.

We want it all fixed! We don’t care that Trump is crude, we don’t care that he insults people, we don’t care that he had been friendly with Hillary, we don’t care that he has changed positions, we don’t care that he’s been married 3 times, we don’t care that he fights with Megan Kelly and Rosie O’Donnell, we don’t care that he doesn’t know the name of some Muslin terrorist.

This country is weak, bankrupt, our enemies are making fun of us, we are being invaded by illegal’s, we are becoming a nation of victims where every Tom, Ricardo and Hasid is a special group with special rights to a point where we don’t even recognize the country we were born and raised in; “AND WE JUST WANT IT FIXED” and Trump is the only guy who seems to understand what the people want. We’re sick of politicians, sick of the Democratic Party, Republican Party, and sick of illegals.

We just want this thing fixed. Trump may not be a saint, but he doesn’t have lobbyist money holding him, he doesn’t have political correctness restraining him, all you know is that he has been very successful, a good negotiator, he has built a lot of things, and he’s also not a politician, he’s not a cowardly politician. And he says he’ll fix it. And we believe him because he is too much of an egotist to be proven wrong or looked at and called a liar.

Also we don’t care if the guy has bad hair.

*We just want those raccoons gone*.

Out of our house. *NOW.*

I feel this is why thousands of people that haven’t voted in 25 years are registering to vote this year. The raccoons have got to go.

Roger Brunswick

So Impish told me he received not one but two commendations at work this week. I was impressed until he sent the a picture of them.

So THAT’S what they mean when they say ‘Hair of the Dog’!

Google Condom Announced

This draft press release was secretly forwarded to me from an old college friend, well placed at the Googleplex in a high-profile R&D unit. He insists on anonymity for obvious reasons, but he has proved a reliable source in the past. (I heard about Google Glass from him in 2012 about six months before beta versions actually appeared in public.) Internal metadata attached to the document suggest that product introduction is imminent.

LATEST GOOGLE WEARABLE PROMOTES BOTH ZPG AND ENHANCED PLEASURE
The new Google Condom represents the most advanced technological wonder in the contraception market. Merely the latest product in the wide-ranging Google portfolio of remarkable inventions, this remarkable innovation further advances Google’s global mission: to solve the world’s problems – from the everyday to the epic, from the mundane to the monumental.
This enhanced condom includes all the standard advantages of regular condoms (a thin impermeable polymer membrane that permits confident safe sex and inhibits both pregnancies and STI disease transmission) but also deftly incorporates a wide range of technological devices designed to heighten, record and transmit many of the most significant aspects of sexual intimacy.
Head Scientist Stephen Highland of the R&D unit Google X notes that many of the individual innovations present in the Google Condom were developed in support of other Google products, such as Google Glass. “We learned a lot about miniaturization from Glass,” maintains Highland, “but for the Google Condom, it was a matter of synergy, bringing together a suite of appropriate technological solutions into one unified package, something that Google has always done well.”
Recent breakthroughs in nano-technology, including the same engineering micro-precision that allows miniature cameras to be attached to small insects to study invertebrate flight, come to fruition in the Google Condom. The base model Google Condom (GC) includes a micro-camera at the tip (or “head”) of the condom that weighs just over three grams and incorporates a wide-angle lens and a three megapixel camera sensor with ultra-high ISO that allows spectacular imaging even in low light conditions. Photos are automatically captured at fifteen-second intervals for as long as ten minutes.
Google Media Specialist Ginger Ingram says the “result is a bit like a ‘cervix selfie.’ “
Video output, still under development, will be available in the Hyper GC+ model, due for release in October. For all GC models, Wifi (Wi-Fi 802.11b/g) transmission hardware is mounted in a small fluid-proof polymer pouch at the base of the condom, unobtrusive and out of the way. Data is transmitted to a suitable receiving device (laptop, notebook) via Bluetooth protocols for up to a thirty-foot radius. Data files are JPG, MP3 and MP4 formats and are fully compatible with all Android devices.
One step up from the base model, the GC+ condom includes a series of embedded sensors that provide audio outputs, timer alerts and temperature monitoring to the receiving device.
Usability testing indicates that the opportunity to capture and later “relive” the multi-sensory condom experience is “highly exciting” and “revolutionary” in its impact for practitioners.
Google focus groups have been uniformly glowing. “The quality of the visual imagery is stunning,” reported one early tester, “from entry to final event.” During the climactic moments the Dolby enhanced audio files have been described as reminiscent of “up close at Niagara Falls” or the “take-off of a Boeing 747.” For a full-feature experience, the audio outputs can be synced seamlessly to standard camcorder output files if the condom event is captured by a third party or a remotely mounted camcorder on a tripod.
Timing alerts have proven attractive to the Fitness Tracker market. The ability to set a auditory reminder signal (which for a GC+ means a soft, low-timbre tone, audible to both participants) assists efforts to prolong copulatory duration. Infinitely adjustable to intervals from one to twenty minutes, the preset timer indicates time taken in res copulatio. By establishing a “benchmark,” users then can take measures to extend the union. One prototype tester reported that with just a little practice, he was able to double his original session average to over seven minutes.
Heat sensors produce a low humming tone when copulatory temperatures rise more than five degrees Celsius above standard body temperature. “Frictional heat is one measure of intensity,” added Highland. “Testers report greater enjoyment when this range of temperature elevation is maintained for an extended period. Helping users find their ‘sweet spot’ is a Google priority.”
Final pricing has not yet been finalized, but Google Marketing insists that the base model GC will cost “less than a good dinner out.”
The document has a release date tentatively slated for April of this year.
My source reports that Silicon Valley being the hyper competitive snakepit that it is, word of the pioneering aspects of GC has leaked out and other companies are already scrambling to produce their own competing versions. Apple’s product, predictably named the “iCum,” will include a variety of bright Art Deco colors as distinguishing features.
I suppose it is only a matter of time before folks will be asking for a “smart condom” at their local liquor store or other usual purchase location. My own feeling, perhaps a bit retrograde and coming from a perhaps jaded engineer, is that a wearable is only as “smart” as what it covers. I am not sure where a penis lies on the intelligence spectrum, but that is a separate issue.

Sorry no time or appetite for recipes this week, just some bacon to make your mouth water right along side Clan Mistress SC’s

So Cashews Grow Like This, And We Officially Know Nothing

In the wonderful world of trail mix, cashews are the real MVP. (Chocolate excluded.) We’ve eaten plenty of them over the years, but we never stopped to wonder: How do these things actually grow? 

Well, now that we know, we’re kind of freaking out.

Turns out, each and every cashew nut grows attached to a “false fruit,” the red, apple-esque object in the photo above. Technically, the cashew nut itself is the tree’s fruit, so the fleshy cashew “apple” is merely a byproduct. The “false fruit” is edible, but highly perishable.

Cashews are cultivated primarily in Brazil and India, where the “apples” are often made into beverages or jams. Cashew harvesters also chew on them in the fields, drinking their sweet juice. 

After the cashew nuts are detached, they are dried in the sun in their shells. And if you’ve ever wondered why you can’t buy in-shell cashews, the reason lies in the shell itself. Cashew shells contain anacardic acid, which can cause allergies and irritation similar to poison ivy. Once the nuts are removed from their shells, they are steamed or roasted to remove any poisonous residue. After that, they’re finally ready to enjoy.

So next time you reach for a handful of cashews, take a moment to remember the weirdly wonderful way they came to be.    via Huffington Post

THE KNEELING HIGH JUMP

This is Incredible!!!

Are you aware that a new world record has been set for the HIGH JUMP
from a KNEELING position?

The record (0.757 meters) – remember this is from a KNEELING position,
was set recently on a beach near Montpellier in Southern France.

The photograph below was taken a split second before the jump – but it gives
you an idea as to how it was achieved.