Dear Campers,
I am going to apologize and tell you that Dragon Laffs is going to be delayed by 24 hours. Thank you for your kind understanding.
Impish Dragon
Leprechaun Laughs #375 for Wednesday January 18th 2017
It all started last Saturday when I raised the periscope cam from my Friday the 13th bolt hole. When I saw things looked normal I opened communications with my best bud and (formerly) trusted pal Impish and queried “Is it safe?”
In response I got a suddenly cut off by a death rattle blood curdling scream from him. I dropped the periscope cam and cut communications immediately resetting the time lock on the bolt hole for another 24 hours, hoping all the while I would be able to locate enough of my buddy to give him a decent BBQing…err that is Viking funeral.
Then I find out ol’ Mister Smart Tail played a fast one on me so he could have a shot with getting away with talking football smack. With the Indianapolis Colts already well on their way to the glue and dog food factories he had to fall back on his back up Greenbay team whom Mr. Murphy seeing a chance for serious comic relief had given a shot at the play offs this year. Well I smacked his snout pretty hard (or so I thought at the time) in the comments section with facts and figures proving Greenbay had a snowball’s chances in Hell of making it to the Superbowl much less actually (barely stifled giggle) winning it.
Then come Sunday in a last 18 second miracle Greenbay beat the Cowboys to elevate Impish’s already made of cheese brain to extreme levels of Cheese headedness. Now he’ll be insufferable until either the Ravens peck Greenbay’s eyes out next Sunday or until the Patriots send them home sobbing from Houston on February 5th to go back to their off season meat packing jobs.
All that not being bad enough, Monday morning I had a rare weekday shot at sleeping in a bit. Since due to my legs and the associated pain I often don’t sleep well or uninterruptedly through the night this was a welcome event since I usually make it to the weekend with a serious sleep deficit or wind up having to take brief naps during the week to get through the day. So I was really looking forward to sleeping in until 8:30 or possibly a decadent 9:00 AM.
Well Mr. Murphy had an answer to that too. Tornado Warnings. Starting at 7:15 and lasting until 8:45 with a special warning for a funnel cloud that was a scant 5 to 7 miles North of me but moving East to West (to my knowledge it never actually touched down).
So as I grumpily stared into my Brown Gold while munching my multigrain English muffin and veggie cream cheese I mused about what other possibly unpleasant surprises the year might have in store. If recent events were any indication on a personal level forewarned would be forearmed and a definite good idea.
So I turned to the King of Prognostication of (vaguely worded) Possibility Pronouncements himself, Michel de Nostredame, AKA Nostradamus.
We’ll hear more from him later in the issue.
Mean time….
Michel de Nostredame, AKA Nostradamus, was a French physician and astrologer who lived in the 16th century. Many conspiracy theorists believe, he’s predicted a lot of things; including the French Revolution, Adolf Hitler’s rise to power, 9/11 and even Trump’s election win.
His “prophecies”, are written in four-line verses and are extremely vague, so are very much open to interpretation especially after the fact – anyway *Tin foil hats on* here are some of the predictions he made for 2017:
“For forty years the rainbow will not be seen. For forty years it will be seen every day. The dry earth will grow more parched, and there will be great floods when it is seen.”
So here he’s predicting both floods and drought which is covering all the bases. But his believers think this is a sign that global warming will lead to crazy ‘The Day After Tomorrow’ style weather.
Hmm, try selling this one in California at the moment or Texas the last few years.
“The great man will be struck down in the day by a thunderbolt. An evil deed, foretold by the bearer of a petition. According to the prediction another falls at night time. Conflict at Reims, London, and pestilence in Tuscany.”
So he’s talking about thunder and conflict again pretty vague, the Nostradamus fans think this might be about an assassination that leads to war.
Reims is in France. I seriously doubt there will be any conflict there as the French will just capitulate like they usually do. That is unless he’s referring to a Terrorist attack on the cathedral there, though none of the interpretations I scanned putting this issue together took that view of this quatrain.
We’ll have more from old Nostradamus in just a bit but first some more chuckling.
“Shortly before sun set, battle is engaged. A great nation is uncertain. Overcome, the sea port makes no answer, the bridge and the grave both in foreign places.”
So something about a battle at sunset and an issue with sea ports… His believers aren’t too clear on this, but some how it means world war 3 is coming.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anytime they don’t know what the hell Michel is prattling on about (which is most of the bloody time if you ask me) Nostradamus interpreters think its about either WW III or the Apocalypse.
“Pestilences extinguished, the world becomes smaller, for a long time the lands will be inhabited peacefully. People will travel safely through the sky (over) land and seas: then wars will start up again.”
So this one is a little more wild apparently this means commercial space travel will become a reality, but there will be more war… possibly with aliens (in case you didn’t realize by now Nostradamus loves mentioning wars)
Well OF COURSE he does! Sex and Violence sell after all. Just as Hollyweird! As far as the ‘Alien war’ goes, I’m thinking the has more to do with terrestrial illegal aliens (or possibly terrorist sneaking across borders) than the extraterrestrial kind.
Nostradamus will be back in just a bit with more predictions for 2017.
THAT folks is the end result of all the liberal brainwashing that has been going on quietly for decades in our public educational system.
Well actually I can think of several other things like drink coffee, Irish Whiskey, Guinness and a few others but the rest I suppose would be subheadings under those two main categories.
[Snicker] And all this time Impish has been thinking it was me that was having him followed.
“Letters are found in the queen’s chests, no signature and no name of the author. The ruse will conceal the offers; so that they do not know who the lover is.”
So a Royal Scandal!? This is about as precise as Nostradamus ever gets, because of that no one online has a crazy theory about this one. My moneys on Prince Harry doing something… again
I love the British Royal Family, they help make our Politicians look like less of the thieves and idiots they are!
“A fox will be elected without speaking one word, appearing saintly in public living on barley bread, afterwards he will suddenly become a tyrant putting his foot on the throats of the greatest men.”
So the Animals will rise up against man!? Nope, apparently this about someone getting elected then becoming a complete bastard…
Now I could say this referred to Obama but I’m sure the Liberals hiding in our wood work (yes we fumigate and often but there are so damned many of them) would undoubtedly point out and I am forced to agree this really does sound more like it refers to Trump.
Nostradamus will be back in a scroll or two.
Stalkerazzism has apparent just hit a whole new low in England!
“Twice put up and twice cast down, the East will also weaken the West. Its adversary after several battles chased by sea will fail at time of need.”
You’d be wrong to think this has anything to do with the East Coast–West Coast hip hop rivalry. Apparently this is a clear sign that China will become the leading global super power.
Hmm..Today (Monday’s) headline regarding China:
BEIJING (Reuters) – China will “take off the gloves” and take strong action if U.S. President-elect Donald Trump continues to provoke Beijing over Taiwan once he assumes office, two leading state-run …
OK enough of ol’ Michel de Nostredame, AKA Nostradamus, was a French physician and astrologer and his 16th century take on the future. Time to consign him back on the shelf in the Conspiracy Nuts section until next year.
Moving right along, I predict the end of the issue, not Nostradamus’ sort, is almost upon us for the week.
I see Ginny’s been worshiping Impish’s graven image again!
This last one comes from our very quiet but oh so deliciously naughty Cali beach bunny Diaman. I know I’m going to catch hell for this…But it is Funny!
Well ‘tis off I am to gaze into and partake deeply of my version of the tools for prognostication that Nostradamus used to see what portents of the future I can come up with. Maybe a nice fat stock tip or an upcoming trend I can exploit or get in on the ground floor of!
What he had his ways and I have mine!
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Dragon Laffs–1522
Good Morning Campers,
Today, January 14th, is “Dress Up Your Pet Day”. But since dressing up your pet is such a sad thing to do to the poor pets, I’m not going to celebrate it here. Just look at this poor little super-hero, does he look happy at all to you?
Or how about this little hotdog. First of all, that has such incredibly 
bad connotations, but that little guy looks ANYTHING but happy.
What makes people think that pets actually LIKE to be dressed in silly looking clothes?
So, no. We won’t be celebrating “Dress Up Your Pet Day”.
The other thing about Saturday the 14th is that it’s the day after Friday the 13th. Now, Lethal did a really good job of explaining all the ins and outs of Friday the 13th, so allow me to explain the horrors that await on Saturday the 14th with this little video.
So, grab a coffee, sit yourself down and…
A motorcycle police officer stops a driver for shooting through a red light. The driver is a real jerk, steps out of his car and comes striding toward the officer, demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo !
So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation. The motorist instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer’s ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit offensive terms.
The tirade goes on and on without the officer saying anything.
When the officer finishes writing the ticket he puts an “AH” in the lower right corner of the narrative portion of the ticket. He then hands it to The ‘violator’ for his signature. The guy signs the ticket angrily, and when presented with his copy points to the “AH” and demands to know what it stands for.
The officer says, “That’s so when we go to court, I’ll remember that you’re an asshole !”
Two months later they’re in court. The ‘violator’ has a bad driving record with a high number of points and is in danger of losing his license, so he hired a lawyer to represent him.
On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run through the red light.
Under cross examination the defense attorney asks;“Officer is this a reasonable facsimile of the ticket that you issued to my client ?”
Officer responds, “Yes, sir, that is the defendant’s copy, his signature and mine, same number at the top.”
Lawyer: “Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this ticket you don’t normally make ?”
“Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an “AH,” underlined.”
“What does the “AH” stand for, officer ?”
“Aggressive and hostile, Sir.”
“Aggressive and hostile ?”
“Yes, Sir.
“Officer, are you sure it doesn’t stand for asshole ?”
Well, Sir, you know your client better than I do.
How often can one get an attorney to convict his own client ?
Well, you gotta admit, it’s tough to bamboozle a lawyer, but if anyone can do it, it’s a cop. Gotta love those guys in blue!
Well, it’s a food group for Lethal and I. Does anyone out there also rely on Caffeine to make it through the day?
This next one comes from my dad, Papa Dragon Most Senior. He didn’t write it, but he passed it on to me. It’s entitled “The Electoral College is Working Exactly as Our Forefathers Intended.
Hillary won California 5,860,714 to Trump’s 3,151,821. 61.6% to 33.1% exclusive of the other candidates.
But deduct her California vote from her national vote leaving her with 54,978,783, and deduct Trump’s California vote from his national total, leaving him with 57,113.976, he wins in a landslide in the other 49 states, 51.3% to her 48.7%.
So, in effect, Hillary was elected president of California and Trump was elected president of the rest of the country by a substantial margin.
This exemplifies the wisdom of the Electoral College, to prevent the vote of any one populace
state from overriding the vote of the others. Trump’s Campaign Manager,
Kellyanne Conway, whose expertise is polling, saw this early on and devised
her strategy of “6 pathways to the White House”.
This meant ignoring California with its huge Democrat majority and going after the states
that would give him the necessary electoral votes to win, FL, NC, MI, PA, OH, and WI.
When the afternoon of January 20, 2017 arrives, the Republican Party will have:
1) The Presidency.
2) A majority of the House of Representatives.
3) A majority of the Senate.
4) Almost two-thirds of all the governorships.
5) Total control of the statehouses in almost two-thirds of all the states.
And in the near future, Republicans will be able to add:
6) A majority of the Supreme Court
The above has never happened before in American history.
Think about that and let it sink in for a moment.
And it’s all because of one reason: Barack Obama’s forcing his extreme far-left agenda on an unwilling country by executive orders, left wing judges, and obsequious bureaucrats.
It’s important to pass this on. With the demand that we do away with the Electoral College and take the popular vote being pushed by the media, etc, all Americans need to know that the Electoral College is working exactly as our Founding Fathers intended.
That’s the very best explanation for the Electoral College that I’ve ever heard.
“Sir Harry Knuckles, I don’t wish to disturb your counting of the treasure, M’Lord, but I believe thou shouldest glance over thy right shoulder.”
Thinking…definitely something the democratic population doesn’t have to worry about.
The theme song of the Lethal Leprechaun.
We here at DL&LL pride ourselves on letting everyone have a say. And in that vein, we have a “confession” from our own K2.
My name is Karl and I am a foodaholic. I have been eating food for as long as I can remember. When I was a working stiff, I would eat a little food before I went to work. You know, just a little food to brace myself for the day. I would hide my food in a brown sack when I went to work. At noon, I would go off somewhere and eat from it. Sometimes I noticed some other food addicts doing the same thing. When I got home, I openly ate food in front of my little loving wife. My depravity knew no bounds and I even made my two daughters eat food. I am sad to say that they too have become habitual food eaters.
Because I have had a lifelong familiarity with food, I can say unequivocally that tofu is not food. Tofu is the anti-Christ of food. Tofu is the black hole of flavor in food. You can put tofu on one table and it will suck the flavor out of the food on a separate table even if that other table is across the room. Upon close investigation, you will see that tofu is cut from slabs of lard-like substance made from decomposed lawn slugs and bleached out grass clippings. Studying the MRI’s of people who say that they like tofu show that they have large voids or gaps in their brains. The “this tastes like crap” receptors in their brains cannot fire off. Tofu tastes like a soft hockey puck without the rubber flavor. My guide dog will eat his own feces but will not touch tofu.
So, speaking of dog feces, this brings up rap music. Rap is the tofu of music. Rap will suck the melody out of any song it is played with. Rap causes brain damage. Listening to rap for 24 hours will turn you into a mental cripple. That is because rap destroys the brain cells responsible for judgment, rendering the person incapable of telling the difference between what is good and what is Tofu.