Dragon Laffs

       Well, here it is, another Saturday in our little corner of madness we call Dragon Laffs.  A teeny, tiny town totally true to the theory of fabricated fantasy, fairy-tales and folklore.

Another week has gone by and I’m another week closer to my surgery.

Growing old is hard work…  The mind says, “Yes” but, the body says, “What the hell are you thinking?”

So, Thursday was Groundhog Day and, as most of you know, when the poor little guy popped his head out of his hole he saw his shadow, which means, six more weeks of winter.  More about Groundhog Day later.

Just found out yesterday, that I might be able to have my surgery earlier than before.  Like much earlier…like a week from Monday.  That would be pretty awesome.  I’ll let you guys know as soon as I know.

And what else goes with ceiling fans?  Why, airplanes of course!

So very, very cool.  It’s a shame at the end though.

This is so very, very important and so horribly insidious, this warning just had to come as soon as I saw it.

From our dear friends over at Kim Komando’s Breaking News:

Have you ever gotten an annoying, unsolicited phone call from a company or someone you don’t know? Many times they come at the worst possible moment, like when you’re about to sit down for a nice family dinner.

There’s bad news, though, some of these calls are going from aggravating to malicious. It’s true, there are scammers making seemingly harmless phone calls, but you won’t believe how they are using those calls against their victims.

How this phone scam works

The Better Business Bureau (BBB) is receiving complaints from people across the U.S. about the latest phone scam making the rounds.

What’s happening is, people are receiving automated calls from someone claiming to be an employee of a certain business. Some companies they are supposedly representing are cruise lines, home security agencies, or social security firms.

The criminal begins the call with a simple, “Can you hear me?” Warning: Do NOT answer that question on one of these unsolicited calls. It’s a scam!

If you answer that question, or any question for that matter, with a “yes,” the criminal can use it against you. They are actually recording the victims’ responses.

If they record you saying “yes,” they can use it to claim that you agreed to certain charges. They then threaten to sue the victim if they attempt to deny the charges.

These calls usually show up with the local area code on the caller ID. This lets the victims’ guard down, thinking it’s someone local and they might know the person.

What you need to do

Police are urging everyone who receives a call like this to immediately hang up. It’s not rude to hang up on a potential scammer.

This isn’t the first time this type of phone scam has been seen. Last year, a similar version was going around with the criminal asking people questions like, “Do you pay the household bills?” or “Are you the homeowner?”

Taking advice from police is your best course of action here. If you get a call from someone you don’t know asking an easy question where the answer is yes, hang up.

Caution is always the best action, especially in today’s world!

You have been WARNED!! 

Her dog was in heat, but she agreed to look after her neighbor’s male dog while the neighbor was on vacation. She had a large house and she believed that she could keep the two dogs apart.

As she was drifting off to sleep, she heard awful howling sounds.

She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together and unable to disengage.

Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, and although it was very late at  night, she called her vet ,who answered in a very grumpy voice.

After she explained the problem to him, the vet said,

“Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and he will be able to withdraw.”

“Do you think that will work?” she asked.

“Just worked for me,” he replied.

I liked this one so much, I had it made into a door knocker for my office door at DL&LL Enterprises.

President Trump invited the Pope for lunch on his mega yacht, the Pope accepted and during lunch, a puff of wind blew the Pontiff’s hat off, right into the water.

It floated off about 50 feet, then the wind died down and it just floated in place.

The crew and the secret service were scrambling to launch a boat to go get it, when Trump waved them off, saying “Never mind, boys, I’ll get it.”

The Donald climbed over the side of the yacht, walked on the water to the hat, picked it up, walked back on the water, climbed into the yacht, and handed the Pope his hat.

The crew was speechless. The security team and the Pope’s entourage were speechless.

No one knew what to say, not even the Pope. But that afternoon, NBC, CBS, ABC, MSNBC, CNN all reported:

“TRUMP CAN’T SWIM!”

I’m pretty sure it’s not Friday, but I believe this is one of Lethal’s other Day-Sisters.

 

And everyone of you who read this ezine are in that category as well.

So, where is the Beer Garden?

 

I don’t care about Disney lying about my prince charming.  I’m more upset about forest creatures and their unwillingness to clean my house.

 

I like pizza as much as the next dragon.  Okay, I like pizza MORE than the next dragon, or the next person, or the next mythological creature, or … well … you get the idea.  But, even I wouldn’t drive this car. 

It does make me hungry, though.

Trying to disprove the saying, “You can’t take it with you,” a stingy old lawyer, diagnosed with a terminal illness, finally figured out how to take at least some of his fortune with him when he died.

He instructed his wife top go to the bank and withdraw enough money to fill two pillowcases.  He then told her to take the bags of money to the attic and leave them directly above his bed.  When he passed away, he planned to reach out and grab the bags on his way to heaven.

Several weeks after the funeral, his wife, up in the attic cleaning, came upon the two forgotten pillowcases stuffed with cash.

“Oh, that old fool!” she exclaimed.  “I knew I should have put the money in the basement.”

Actually, I’ve been in the restaurant business for many, many years and I can tell you for a fact that it means both.  Anything that is good for you is going to cost more.  Anything that is fun, is going to cost more.  Anything that is necessary is going to cost more.

Groundhog Day is a traditional holiday originating in the United States that is celebrated on February 2. According to folklore, if it is cloudy when a groundhog emerges from its burrow on this day, then the spring season will arrive early, some time before the vernal equinox; if it is sunny, the groundhog will supposedly see its shadow and retreat back into its den, and winter weather will persist for six more weeks.

Modern customs of the holiday involve early morning celebrations to watch the groundhog emerging from its burrow.

In southeastern Pennsylvania, Groundhog Lodes (Grundsow Lodges) celebrate the holiday with fersommlinge, social events in which food is served, speeches are made, and one or more g’spiel (plays or skits) are performed for entertainment. The Pennsylvania German dialect is the only language spoken at the event, and those who speak English pay a penalty, usually in the form of a nickel, dime, or quarter per word spoken, with the money put into a bowl in the center of the table.

Groundhog Day was more widely adopted in the U.S. in 1887. Clymer H. Freas was the editor of the local paper Punxsutawney Spirit at the time, and he began promoting the town’s groundhog as the official “Groundhog Day meteorologist”.

The largest Groundhog Day celebration is held in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania, with Punxsutawney Phil. Groundhog Day, already a widely recognized and popular tradition, received widespread attention as a result of the 1993 film Groundhog Day.

On the way he met a farmer on his donkey. Upon seeing the king the farmer said, “Your Majesty, you should return to the palace at once because in just a short time I expect a huge amount of rain to fall in this area”.

The king was polite and considerate, he replied: “I hold the palace meteorologist in high regard. He is an extensively educated and experienced professional, and I pay him very high wages. He gave me a very different forecast. I trust him and I will continue on my way.” So they did.

Furious, the king returned to the palace and gave the order to fire the weatherman at once! Then he summoned the farmer and offered him the prestigious and high paying role of royal forecaster.

The farmer said, “Your Majesty, I do not know anything about forecasting. I obtain my information from my donkey. If I see my donkey’s ears drooping, it means with certainty that it will rain.” So instead, the King hired the donkey on the spot.

And thus began the ancient-old practice of hiring asses to work in the government and occupy its highest and most influential positions…

Being a government employee myself, I take offense at that last … wait … never mind. 

God’s Plan for Aging?

Most seniors never get enough exercise. In His wisdom God decreed that seniors become forgetful so they would have to search for their glasses, keys and other things thus doing more walking. And God looked down and saw that it was good.

Then God saw there was another need. In His wisdom He made seniors lose coordination so they would drop things requiring them to bend, reach & stretch. And God looked down and saw that it was good.

  Then God considered the function of bladders and decided seniors would have additional calls of nature requiring more trips to the bathroom, thus providing more exercise.  God looked down and saw that it was good.

So if you find as you age, you are getting up and down more, remember it’s God’s will. It is all in your best interest even though you mutter under your breath.

Ain’t that the sad, sad truth.

Oh my gosh, say it again!  Shout it from the roof tops!  I’m tired of not having as nice a life as the ones who won’t work that I have to pay for!

That’s all I’m saying about the Superbowl this week, I’m sure that Lethal will have plenty to say about it on Wednesday.

 

You’ve heard me talk about playing darts, right?  Well, our league was featured in a tiny website about Miami County…that’s Miami County Indiana, so you guys get to watch the video here.  I’m in the video, but I’m not one of the speakers.  See if you can find me.

Like where’s Waldo, it’s Where’s Impish?

Morning Folks!

Come on in don’t mind the bar, I’m just setting up for my private Super Bowl Party for true supporters of the New England Patriots. Pay no attention to the sighs and moans of despair, that’s just Impish. He’s finally settled down from wailing and gnashing his teeth to this now. See he was all set to hop in the ‘Hatin on the Pats’ bandwagon, until I pointed out he was permanently decked out in the primary Patriots team color of blue and if he kept it up I’d be sure to add some Red (blood) and white (bandages) to that for him.

Now he’s upset that he’s not invited to the party because he’s not a true supporter of the Pats. He’s be relegated to attending the women’s Super Bowl party over on party mountain (where they’ll actually be watching the Puppy Bowl) and roped into providing the heat for my secret weapon which should allow us men folk to enjoy the game in peace and quiet sans incessant female interruptions.

You folks get started on the issue, I’ve got to go scare up 500 fondue forks for the secret weapon over on party mountain. I’ll catch up later.

Whoops! My bad! That’s not right. Err… must have pushed the wrong button.

That’s better! Guess I need more coffee this morning.

 

Football is played by some pretty tough guys, in fact some are even (respectfully) referred to as ‘Monsters of the Grid Iron’.  So it stands to logic those in the Super Bowl must be some of the toughest the game has to offer. Well as tough as they all may be combined, there’s one guy who is tougher than all of them. Chuck Norris.

Here are some Chuck Facts to prove it.

• When Chuck Norris swims in the ocean, the sharks are in a steel cage.
• When Chuck Norris does a push up, he’s not pushing himself up-
  he’s pushing the world down.
• Before the Boogie Man goes to sleep at night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris gives Freddy Kruger nightmares.
• When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
• There is no real Theory of Evolution, just a list of animals Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
• Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
• Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice cubes together.
• Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him, so he tracked down nothing and killed it.
• The world did not have a tilt in its axis until Chuck Norris stubbed his toe on the North Pole.
• Chuck Norris once urinated in the fuel tank of a tractor trailer. That tractor trailer is now known as Optimus Prime.
• Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He just stares at them until they give him the information he wants.
• Chuck Norris once got bitten by a rattlesnake. After three excruciating days of terrible pain and suffering the snake died.
• Chuck Norris has already been to Mars. That’s why there is no life there.
• Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
• Chuck Norris had 21 playing black jack and asked for another card. He won.
• Chuck Norris can eat Chinese food with one chop stick.
• Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn’t nearly foolish enough to attack him.
• Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
• Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
• The original title to “Alien vs. Predator” was “Alien & Predator vs. Chuck Norris”.
• Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
• Chuck Norris once took a Lie Detector test. The machine confessed everything.
• While vacationing in France Chuck Norris went out for a casual bike ride and accidentally won the Tour de France.
• Chuck Norris actually died 10 years ago. The Grim Reaper is just afraid to tell him.
• Once Death had a near Chuck Norris experience.
• Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
• Fear of spiders is called Arachnophobia. Fear of tight spaces is call Claustrophobia. Fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic.

 

Yes she does and you’d be smart to get them for her, if you expect to watch the Super Bowl in peace this weekend that is. Personally I recommend several bottles of this wine-

Speaking of watching the Super Bowl in peace it’s time to reveal my secret plan for you guys to achieve this lofty goal.

Alright guys here it is, the perfect way to keep the women that insist on tagging along to ruin your Super Bowl party quiet through out the entire game. Just get all the materials shown here ahead of time and dedicate a small grill, fireplace or woodstove for S’more’s crafting. Add a pot of fru-fru flavored women’s coffee and be sure to have a bottle each of Bailey’s and Godiva Chocolate Liqueur displayed prominently on the coffee bar.

S’more facts about everyone’s favorite campfire concoction

Campfires and s’mores go together like whiskey and coke. Everyone has their own technique. Some people like to crisp their marshmallows, while others prefer just a hint of melt.

About your ingredients:

Graham Crackers were originally developed as a healthy food in 1829 by Rev. Sylvester Graham.

Coenraad Johannes van Houten is the evil genius you can thank for discovering the process that allows chocolate to be molded into firm, sweet bars (perfect for placing atop your ‘healthy’ cracker…).

Alex Doumak developed the process giving marshmallows their cylindrical shape in 1948.

S’mores like a pro!

Like a good steak, there is a scale to how well-done you like your marshmallow.

Rare: will have a slight golden hue and take less than a minute.

Medium Rare: has a more solid, deep gold to brown coloring and needs between 2-3 minutes typically.

Medium: a solid, light brown shade with some crisping. You’ll need to cook it for just over three minutes.

Well Done: now you’re getting into earthy browns and you’ll start to taste the fire, 4 minutes.

Blackened: as blasphemous as this is, I guess some people are into it…. Cook between 4-5 minutes.

Aflame: this should be self-explanatory. Please blow out the marshmallow before you shove it in your face hole.

Come on baby light my fire

There are also two preferred methods for cooking:

Glowing Embers will produce a creamier filling (no jokes) sealed inside a light, flaky crust.

A small dancing flame will sear the exterior quickly, sealing the marshmallow and leaving it with a cool and firm center.

Get your grub on!

Some suggested variety for your favorite campfire treat:

Use peanut butter cups instead of chocolate.
Salted Carmel-Spoon on a little warm caramel sauce and a pinch of sea salt
Flavored graham crackers are a great way to change things up on the fly.
Try dark chocolate instead of your traditional Hershey’s.
Throw in some fresh fruit  (Bananas and Strawberries go very well)
Carmel sauce and toasted coconut make it a Samoa cookie S’more.
Swap the graham crackers for chocolate chip cookies and use Nutella in place of chocolate bar.

Other candy ideas:

Almond Joy
Peppermint Patty
Twix
Nestlé’s Crunch
Rolos
Kit Kat

Cheeseburger Hand Pies

You didn’t think we’d forget the guys did you? Here’s one for them & perfect for the big game. You can make them ahead and them pop them in the oven when your ready.

And just so the guys can follow it and understand (Paul K9 I’m looking right at you!) it’s in a easy to understand video format.

 

I added some crumbled bacon, an entire 3 oz. pouch and used bacon grease instead of oil. I also added some chopped mushrooms with the onion and used grated Swiss instead of Cheddar cheese because we’re a big fans of a local burger joints Bacon Mushroom Swiss Burgers with Truffle Mayo. We might not be doing the Truffle Mayo but they’re still darn good.

You also very easily could take this to the Taco side by adding Taco Seasoning to the meat, omitting the mustard using Taco Sauce or a Thick & Chunky Salsa in place of the ketchup and shredding yourself a little Jalapeno Jack cheese in place of the Cheddar.

 

Lord knows we’re in serious desperate need of this! We’ve ‘dumbed things down’ just about as far as we can go and it’s hurting us badly.

The NY Giants win 4 Super Bowls (and tried for a 5th) that was ok. The Pittsburgh Steelers 6 times. Dallas Cowboys and San Francisco Forty-Niners 5 times each, sure no problem with it. But just let the New England Patriots (who have the most appearances in the Super Bowl at 9) try for a 5th time and the haters start in.

The question is, is the hate legit or is it more Trump related collateral damage by sulking tantrum throwing Liberal Loony Tunes? (apologies to Warner Bros.)

Apparently anyone even remotely associated with President Trump (I still get a thrill saying that) is going to suffer the ire of the Liberals  over their losing to him.

Patriots fans have spent nearly two full seasons being reminded of the close friendship between President Donald Trump and their team’s three top figures — owner Robert Kraft, star quarterback Tom Brady and coach Bill Belichick.

Some fans in the northeastern states that backed Democrat Hillary Clinton in the November presidential election say they’re struggling to reconcile their football loyalties with their distaste for Trump. Many other fans — more than 1 million people voted for Trump in Massachusetts alone, Clinton won by less than 3,000 votes in New Hampshire and Trump picked up one of four electoral votes in Maine — say critics are simply injecting politics where it doesn’t belong.

“It’s pathetic. We have a double standard where if you admit you like Trump, you get blasted by the media,” said Brian Craig, a Lowell, Massachusetts, Republican who voted for Trump. “If Brady endorsed Hillary, no one would care.”

Plenty of people put politics aside completely when they root for their teams. But after an election that magnified the country’s deep differences of opinion, the Super Bowl matchup offers easy symbolic foils for anyone inclined to play politics.

Trump’s friendship with Brady has been fodder for sports talk radio and local news in New England since September 2015, when one of Trump’s trademark red “Make America Great Again” hats was spotted in Brady’s locker and the quarterback said it would be “great” if the GOP hopeful in a crowded primary field won it all.

Trump drew attention to his relationships with the Patriots several times throughout his campaign and leading up to his inauguration, including an election eve rally where he read a glowing letter from Belichick and claimed Brady voted for him, prompting a denial from the quarterback’s supermodel wife, Gisele Bundchen.

Brady, for his part, hasn’t revealed his vote and questioned this week why his long friendship with Trump is “such a big deal” after being asked whether he called the Republican to congratulate him, as Trump claimed in a speech attended by Kraft the night before his inauguration.

“If you know someone, it doesn’t mean that you agree with everything they say or do,” Brady said.

Indeed, few recent marriages of sports and politics have caused this much hand-wringing. There was relatively little furor when basketball megastar LeBron James — fresh off winning a title for the Cleveland Cavaliers — endorsed and stumped for Clinton in his home state of Ohio, which Trump won anyway; or when now-ousted Bills coach Rex Ryan introduced Trump at a campaign rally in Buffalo last year.

As president, Trump drew on his sports connections when he tapped New York Jets owner Woody Johnson as the next U.S. ambassador to Britain. And Peyton Manning, the retired Denver Broncos quarterback who won the Super Bowl last year, joined Trump and other leaders in Philadelphia on Thursday night as Republican lawmakers gathered to map out their congressional agenda.

Conversations on Twitter, Facebook and other social networks show the Patriots have certainly won over some new fans because of the Trump ties.

And many in Patriots Nation are certainly dreaming of sweet revenge if NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has to hand the championship trophy to Brady. Goodell suspended Brady for four games at the start of this season for using underinflated footballs in a playoff game, a case that winded through two federal courts and spurred lots of disdain for Goodell among Patriots fans.

For plenty of others, the Trump association is just another reason to dislike a franchise that’s enjoyed unprecedented success but has also been the part of two high profile cheating scandals (“Spygate” and “Deflategate”) and whose coach cultivates a gruff, stand-offish persona.

“I want the Falcons to win for normal sports fan reasons, but I want the Patriots to lose in embarrassing fashion for political reasons,” said Todd Moye, who grew up in Atlanta and now lives in Fort Worth, Texas.

 

Get  over it already you bunch of whiney bitches!

 

Self Affirmation- Cat style

If you’re of an age with me, which most of you are (or older) then you remember going to the library and using the card catalog to locate books containing the information you wanted or wanted to read.

The card catalogs themselves were practically fine furniture, generally made out of oak, carefully crafted to show off the grain pattern, beautifully stained and adorned with brass fittings which the library staff always kept shining bright.

You no longer see them much any more in libraries the card catalog is now digital and kept on computer in a kiosk. Many went to scrap yards, some made it to antique stores or were bought and repurposed for other commercial use. They are in fact very popular in Mom & Pop Hardware stores for the storing of loose parts and such things. Very few have made it to homes, that is until some genius and wine officando came up with this brilliant idea.

I might have to see if I can find a section of one to start storing my collection of rare Irish whiskeys in.

NO Impish! “All my stuff” does NOT include my secret Brown Gold recipe. I’ve told you I’m taking that to my grave. Either place I end up I might find myself in need of a bargaining chip.

Well that’s it for this week folks, unfortunately I’ve run out of time and have to get to the stuff that pays to keep a roof over my head.

Well, I went to the doctor on Thursday and we have determined that I need my hip replaced.  First my knee two years ago and now my hip!  I’ve got to find the warranty on this body and find out what the hell is going on.

So, it’s been a long, long week with too many damn doctor appointments and not enough down time.  So, I don’t know about you, but I REALLY need this, so…

Yes, we are going to start the issue out with one of these…

The problem – There’s a box with a hole at each end and there’s a rabbit in the box. The rabbit sticks his head out of the hole in one end, and a minute later he sticks it out the other end.
Half a minute later, his head appears at the opposite end, a fourth of a minute later it appears at the end opposite to that one, an eighth of a minute later… etc., etc.
How long will it take before the rabbit sticks its head out of both ends of the box at the same time?
In theory, two minutes. In practice, no answer is possible unless, of course, you split hares.

I know, I’m really sorry.  But, blame Karl, it’s his joke.

This next one was sent in by Karl, also.  It definitely explains why I haven’t heard from him for a while.

Be glad you didn’t press both at once!

“HEY! HEY!  Close the damn door!  I’m eating in here!”

I hate to do this again…and again, it’s all Karl’s fault…

After a heavy day’s digging at the archeological site in Norway, researchers uncovered a priceless statue of the ancient Norse thunder god. He had bulging muscles, an imposing stance, and his famous giant hammer. But most important of all, the eyes in his fierce-looking face were made of two giant rubies that glittered with a brilliant red color.
Of course, the two leading archeologists on the dig were both determined that they should be the one to have their name listed on the discovery.  Pretty soon, a big argument was underway. The two provided the others with a great source of amusement for the evening. By the time they finally gave up, calling a truce, everyone else was feeling quite refreshed by the entertainment.
As the crowd dispersed, one junior digger turned to his friend, and remarked, “Well, *THAT* was a fight for Thor’s eyes”.   I know.  I’m so sorry.     I know it’s late in the season, but I finally got my flu shot the other day.    

 

You gotta have a sense of humor about everything…. well, not everything, but how about THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ISIS

That was SO tasteless….but I’ll bet you laughed at some part of it.

This is just one of many upgrades that we give to our security team members.

Aww….that’s so sweet!

A woman walks into an accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.
The accountant says, “Before we begin, I’ll need to ask you a few questions.
“He gets her name, address, social security number, etc.
And then asks, “What’s your occupation?”
“I’m a Lady of the night,” she says.
The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says, ” let’s try to rephrase that.”
The woman says, “OK, I’m a high-end call girl”. “No, that still won’t work. Try again.”
They both think for a minute; then the woman says, “I’m an elite chicken farmer.”
The accountant asks, “What does chicken farming have to do with being a prostitute?”
“Well, I raised a thousand little peckers last year.”
“Chicken Farmer it is.”

 

I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out?”

I can’t understand why women are okay that JC Penny has an older women’s clothing line named, “Sag Harbor.”

Well, I’m out of time, so that’s it for this week folks.  Until we meet again.

Welcome folks! Come on in grab a cuppa joe, a nice fresh still warm scone and a seat. Don’t mind that moaning you’re hearing DL/LL HQ isn’t haunted. That’s just a certain dragon bemoaning the loss of the Packers and the win by the Patriots.

He’s so upset that he actually admitted to me that I was right all along about the Patriots to avoid giving me the opportunity to doing an I-told-you-so on him.

Now some people who were tricked into locking themselves back in their bolt hole for another day so that certain other people could attempt to talk football smack without fear of pipe dream shattering logic and statistics being brought into the mix might take this as an golden opportunity to rub that sneaky conniving dragon’s it in the face of that sneak. However I will attempt to take the high road here and not do such a thing… OH LIKE BLOODY HELL I WILL!

 

With the Pat’s having 9 Super Bowls (4 wins) under their belts to the Falcon’s paltry 2 appearances ( COUGH! 0 wins)I’m pretty sure the results are a forgone conclusion. However lets not depend on my opinion lets get the line from the odds makers shall we?

The Patriots are a 3 point favorite. Current betting odds are 3:2 for Pats & 5:2 for the Ravens .

 

AHEM!… Moving right along, Texas weather has been it’s usual unpredictable self, just when you think there will be absolutely no winter the skies open, the heavens rumble, the winds blow and the temperatures plummet ah…err, that is dip semi considerably. Sunday night got down to the high 40s after expecting to be blown clear to Kansas most to the day, while Tuesday saw us in the 80s (while those of you in New England celebrated the Patriot’s win with a Nor’easter). Later towards the weekend we’ll struggle to get out the low 50s. Ah well regardless it beats the bloody hell out of shoveling, blowing, plowing, scraping and sanding!

OK a little update. You’ll probably recall (dimly) that I got a bag of this for Cmas from Molly. Well I finally had the guts to open and try it last Saturday. (I needed SOMETHING to wake me up since there wasn’t going to be any DragonLaffs until Sunday.)

Well not only is it the world’s strongest coffee, it’s also to world’s bitterest! Seriously! Once it was done brewing I poured a bit into a tea cup and blew on it until it was cool enough to taste and evaluate. I made it according to the brewing instructions on the bag in a clean pot with bottled water. It was extremely acrid by itself. I had made 8 cups in my 12 cup pot because that’s what the directions called for. I microwaved another 2 cups of bottled water and added that to the carafe swished it around and tried again, this time with 1 packet of artificial sweetener to a 6 oz. cup (normally I use 1  pkt. to a 14 oz. mug) it was still extremely bitter.

Finally I had to use 2 pkts. of sweetener in my 14 oz. mug plus a good dollop of Half & Half to make it drinkable but far from seriously enjoyable. It reminds me of the time I was out of coffee and had to use Espresso grind to make a pot.  I have added 8 oz. of the grounds to the 32 oz. current batch of Brown Gold being sure to incorporate it well. This has added a stronger bottom note and a bit of acidity but I cannot say for sure that I noticed any serious increase in my energy clarity or anything else post consumption of the entire pot of straight Death Wish. So it’s not something I plan on adding to my Brown Gold recipe permanently.

It’s post Inauguration and yet the Liberals are still whining crying and pitching a hissy about Trump. Even their Witch in Chief Hillary “Broomstick’ Clinton has had the good taste to STFU and accept it- at least for 4 years. For the rest of you who can’t seem to bring yourself to follow her example I have this gift to help you get over it and accept it.

BTW- For those of you saying “Trump is not my President” I have some disturbing news. The Electoral College made it official when they cast their ballots and  the Chief Justice has sworn him in. he IS the President of the United States of America. If you are an American citizen then he IS your president, like him/it or not.

Still maintaining he’s not? Fine please renounce your citizenship and transport yourself to the nearest border. In short, get out. You don’t deserve to be here. Oh and please drag those whiney Hollyweirdos that made the pledge to leave the country if Trump won with you. Be sure to take Rosie O’Donnell and all of The View with you as well.

And if you’re a Liberal and don’t live though 8 years of Trump, well rest in the comfort of knowing you helped make America great again by not surviving his Presidency.

 

During the course of writing the issue for this week I received an email asking if since the Super Bowl was in my hometown and my Pats were playing if that meant I would be attending the game at NRG Stadium.

No.

Way.

In Hell.

With the match-up set, average ticket prices for the game edged slightly higher, up to $5,216 on Monday, according to a price tracker kept by ticket marketplace SeatGeek.

Not only that but everyone I know will be avoiding the Downtown area like it was filled with plague infected Liberals ah err…I meant to say Zombies. Traffic will be basically gridlock 24/7  from about Wednesday on. Every place to eat and shop will be packed to the maximum allowed by the Fire Marshal with lines out the door. Parking will be impossible and/or astronomically expensive. Lines to get in will be hours long and security is going to be extremely heavy.

Me, I’ll just lay back in my recliner, watch the Puppy Bowl with Molly and grab the occasional update. I’ll eat and drink better and for way cheaper too. And when all is said and done and I’m done celebrating the Patriots win my commute to my rack will be all of 3 minutes long and that includes dropping my dirty dish in the sink, detouring around cats and stopping to a little bladder relief all on the way.

“Signs” song by Five Man Electrical Band

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you ask Alexa (Molly got one for Christmas and I drive her nuts by asking Alexa questions like this) she’ll tell you-  “Some say the meaning of life is ‘42.’”

 

Why You Don’t Send Your Seniors to Summer Camp

Click on photo and wait for movement.

Well folks I had intended to include a bit more but time constraints primarily due to wonky internet access (My area has suffered repeated intermittent service outages of at least an hour duration for the last 24 hours) dictate that I get this up while I can so we don’t have any more complaints about delayed issues.

So, it’s now President Trump.  How great is that?  I feel like I’ve been holding my breath and I just now let it go.  Like a huge weight has been lifted from my chest.

I really can’t think of anything else to say right now…I’m just giddy with excitement.  I can’t wait to see what he does first.

Okay, so now I sound like I’m gushing.  It’s time to

How about some “Just not real important information”?

That’s because back then, that’s all you had to play with.

Playing dragon tag.

Okay, so this one is great, sent in by my dad.

The next time you get a bit cranky and things don’t seem to be going quite the right way, think about this guy:

I just gotta say…damn!

So, my buddy wheats and I were talking on text the other day and he came up with a GREAT idea for a new section in Dragon Laffs.  He thought that …. well …. here’s the conversation as it happened:
WHEATS:  Lee Merriweather is on Star Trek.  (Did I mention that Wheats is a HUGE Star Trek fan?) Losira — “I am for you, James T. Krik.” She touches you and you die.

WHEATS:  She was yummy.
WHEATS: 
IMPISH: No kidding (very loquacious, right?)
WHEATS:  Original Catwoman in the 1966 Batman movie.
IMPISH: Yes she was (Yes, she was Catwoman or Yes, she was yummy?  Even I don’t know what the hell I was talking about)
WHEATS: Maybe in DL you could do a “hot wimmins of 60’s TV”
WHEATS: Barbara Feldon, Barbara Bain, Barbara Eden
WHEATS: And so many more
IMPISH: No doubt.  That would be cool. (Okay, so that was almost a coherent sentence)
WHEATS: Julie Newmar, Yvonne Craig, Elizabeth Montgomery
WHEATS: Eva Gabor
WHEATS: Marta Kristen (Judy Robinson)
Well, he shot names at me so fast, I couldn’t even reply, but because of him and that conversation, may I present…
Lee Merriweather was in The Time Tunnel (1966-1967), Batman (1966-1968), Mission Impossible (1966-1973) and many, many others that don’t fall into our category of 1960’s and TV.

 

Barbara Feldon was best known for her role as Agent 99 in Get Smart (1965-1970)

 

Barbara Bain was mostly known for her role in Mission Impossible, but I really enjoyed her in Space: 1999 even though it was in the 70’s.  Looking back at Space: 1999 I am amazingly disappointed in what we don’t have in the way of space travel and technology.

Barbara Eden everybody knows from that fantastic costume in I dream of Jeannie.  She had many, many other roles, even to include a movie with Elvis (Flaming Star from 1960), but we will always remember her as Jeannie.

So, that’s a good start.  Let us know if there are other Hot Wimmins you’d like to see

Why yes!  Yes it should be.

Well, I’m out of time, so that’s it for today.  Be well, be safe, be happy.