It all started last Saturday when I raised the periscope cam from my Friday the 13th bolt hole. When I saw things looked normal I opened communications with my best bud and (formerly) trusted pal Impish and queried “Is it safe?”

In response I got a  suddenly cut off by a death rattle blood curdling scream from him. I dropped the periscope cam and cut communications immediately resetting the time lock on the bolt hole for another 24 hours, hoping all the while I would be able to locate enough of my buddy to give him a decent BBQing…err that is Viking funeral.

Then I find out ol’ Mister Smart Tail played a fast one on me so he could have a shot with getting away with talking football smack. With the Indianapolis Colts already well on their way to the glue and dog food factories he had to fall back on his back up Greenbay team whom Mr. Murphy seeing a chance for serious comic relief had given a shot at the play offs this year. Well I smacked his snout pretty hard (or so I thought at the time) in the comments section with facts and figures proving Greenbay had a snowball’s chances in Hell of making it to the Superbowl much less actually (barely stifled giggle) winning it.

Then come Sunday in a last 18 second miracle Greenbay beat the Cowboys to elevate Impish’s already made of cheese brain to extreme levels of Cheese headedness. Now he’ll be insufferable until either the Ravens peck Greenbay’s eyes out next Sunday or until the Patriots send them home sobbing from Houston on February 5th to go back to their off season meat packing jobs.

All that not being bad enough, Monday morning I had a rare weekday shot at sleeping in a bit. Since due to my legs and the associated pain I often don’t sleep well or uninterruptedly through the night this was a welcome event since I usually make it to the weekend with a serious sleep deficit or wind up having to take brief naps during the week to get through the day. So I was really looking forward to sleeping in until 8:30 or possibly a decadent 9:00 AM.

Well Mr. Murphy had an answer to that too. Tornado Warnings. Starting at 7:15 and lasting until 8:45 with a special warning for a funnel cloud that was a scant 5 to 7 miles North of me but moving East to West (to my knowledge it never actually touched down).

So as I grumpily stared into my Brown Gold while munching my multigrain English muffin and veggie cream cheese I mused about what other possibly unpleasant surprises the year might have in store. If recent events were any indication on a personal level forewarned would be forearmed and a definite good idea.

So I turned to the King of Prognostication of (vaguely worded) Possibility Pronouncements himself, Michel de Nostredame, AKA Nostradamus.

We’ll hear more from him later in the issue.

Mean time….

Michel de Nostredame, AKA Nostradamus, was a French physician and astrologer who lived in the 16th century. Many conspiracy theorists believe, he’s predicted a lot of things; including the French Revolution, Adolf Hitler’s rise to power, 9/11 and even Trump’s election win.

His “prophecies”, are written in four-line verses and are extremely vague, so are very much open to interpretation especially after the fact – anyway *Tin foil hats on* here are some of the predictions he made for 2017:

“For forty years the rainbow will not be seen. For forty years it will be seen every day. The dry earth will grow more parched, and there will be great floods when it is seen.”

So here he’s predicting both floods and drought which is covering all the bases. But his believers think this is a sign that global warming will lead to crazy ‘The Day After Tomorrow’ style weather.

Hmm, try selling this one in California at the moment or Texas the last few years.

“The great man will be struck down in the day by a thunderbolt. An evil deed, foretold by the bearer of a petition. According to the prediction another falls at night time. Conflict at Reims, London, and pestilence in Tuscany.”

So he’s talking about thunder and conflict again pretty vague, the Nostradamus fans think this might be about an assassination that leads to war.

Reims is in France. I seriously doubt there will be any conflict there as the French will just capitulate like they usually do. That is unless he’s referring to a Terrorist attack on the cathedral there, though none of the interpretations I scanned putting this issue together took that view of this quatrain.

We’ll have more from old Nostradamus in just a bit but first some more chuckling.

“Shortly before sun set, battle is engaged. A great nation is uncertain. Overcome, the sea port makes no answer, the bridge and the grave both in foreign places.”

So something about a battle at sunset and an issue with sea ports… His believers aren’t too clear on this, but some how it means world war 3 is coming.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anytime they don’t know what the hell Michel is prattling on about (which is most of the bloody time if you ask me)  Nostradamus interpreters think its about either WW III or the Apocalypse.

“Pestilences extinguished, the world becomes smaller, for a long time the lands will be inhabited peacefully. People will travel safely through the sky (over) land and seas: then wars will start up again.”

So this one is a little more wild apparently this means commercial space travel will become a reality, but there will be more war… possibly with aliens (in case you didn’t realize by now Nostradamus loves mentioning wars)

Well OF COURSE he does! Sex and Violence sell after all. Just as Hollyweird! As far as the ‘Alien war’ goes, I’m thinking the has more to do with terrestrial illegal aliens (or possibly terrorist sneaking across borders) than the extraterrestrial kind.

Nostradamus will be back in just a bit with more predictions for 2017.

THAT folks is the end result of all the liberal brainwashing that has been going on quietly for decades in our public educational system.

Well actually I can think of several other things like drink coffee, Irish Whiskey, Guinness and a few others but the rest I suppose would be subheadings under those two main categories.

[Snicker] And all this time Impish has been thinking it was me that was having him followed.

“Letters are found in the queen’s chests, no signature and no name of the author. The ruse will conceal the offers; so that they do not know who the lover is.”

So a Royal Scandal!? This is about as precise as Nostradamus ever gets, because of that no one online has a crazy theory about this one. My moneys on Prince Harry doing something… again

I love the British Royal Family, they help make our Politicians look like less of the thieves and idiots they are!

“A fox will be elected without speaking one word, appearing saintly in public living on barley bread, afterwards he will suddenly become a tyrant putting his foot on the throats of the greatest men.”

So the Animals will rise up against man!? Nope, apparently this about someone getting elected then becoming a complete bastard…

Now I could say this referred to Obama but I’m sure the Liberals hiding in our wood work (yes we fumigate and often but there are so damned many of them) would undoubtedly point out and I am forced to agree this really does sound more like it refers to Trump.

Nostradamus will be back in a scroll or two.

Stalkerazzism has apparent just hit a whole new low in England!

“Twice put up and twice cast down, the East will also weaken the West. Its adversary after several battles chased by sea will fail at time of need.”

You’d be wrong to think this has anything to do with the East Coast–West Coast hip hop rivalry. Apparently this is a clear sign that China will become the leading global super power.

Hmm..Today (Monday’s) headline regarding China:

BEIJING (Reuters) – China will “take off the gloves” and take strong action if U.S. President-elect Donald Trump continues to provoke Beijing over Taiwan once he assumes office, two leading state-run …

OK enough of ol’ Michel de Nostredame, AKA Nostradamus, was a French physician and astrologer and his 16th century take on the future. Time to consign him back on the shelf in the Conspiracy Nuts section until next year.

Moving right along, I predict the end of the issue, not Nostradamus’ sort,  is almost upon us for the week.

I see Ginny’s been worshiping Impish’s graven image again!

This last one comes from our very quiet but oh so deliciously naughty Cali beach bunny Diaman.   I know I’m going to catch hell for this…But it is Funny!

Well ‘tis off I am to gaze into and partake deeply of my version of the tools for prognostication that Nostradamus used to see what portents of the future I can come up with. Maybe a nice fat stock tip or an upcoming trend I can exploit or get in on the ground floor of!

What he had his ways and I have mine!