Come on in don’t mind the bar, I’m just setting up for my private Super Bowl Party for true supporters of the New England Patriots. Pay no attention to the sighs and moans of despair, that’s just Impish. He’s finally settled down from wailing and gnashing his teeth to this now. See he was all set to hop in the ‘Hatin on the Pats’ bandwagon, until I pointed out he was permanently decked out in the primary Patriots team color of blue and if he kept it up I’d be sure to add some Red (blood) and white (bandages) to that for him.
Now he’s upset that he’s not invited to the party because he’s not a true supporter of the Pats. He’s be relegated to attending the women’s Super Bowl party over on party mountain (where they’ll actually be watching the Puppy Bowl) and roped into providing the heat for my secret weapon which should allow us men folk to enjoy the game in peace and quiet sans incessant female interruptions.
You folks get started on the issue, I’ve got to go scare up 500 fondue forks for the secret weapon over on party mountain. I’ll catch up later.
Whoops! My bad! That’s not right. Err… must have pushed the wrong button.
That’s better! Guess I need more coffee this morning.
Football is played by some pretty tough guys, in fact some are even (respectfully) referred to as ‘Monsters of the Grid Iron’. So it stands to logic those in the Super Bowl must be some of the toughest the game has to offer. Well as tough as they all may be combined, there’s one guy who is tougher than all of them. Chuck Norris.
Here are some Chuck Facts to prove it.
- When Chuck Norris swims in the ocean, the sharks are in a steel cage.
- When Chuck Norris does a push up, he’s not pushing himself up-
he’s pushing the world down.
- Before the Boogie Man goes to sleep at night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris gives Freddy Kruger nightmares.
- When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
- There is no real Theory of Evolution, just a list of animals Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
- Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
- Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice cubes together.
- Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him, so he tracked down nothing and killed it.
- The world did not have a tilt in its axis until Chuck Norris stubbed his toe on the North Pole.
- Chuck Norris once urinated in the fuel tank of a tractor trailer. That tractor trailer is now known as Optimus Prime.
- Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He just stares at them until they give him the information he wants.
- Chuck Norris once got bitten by a rattlesnake. After three excruciating days of terrible pain and suffering the snake died.
- Chuck Norris has already been to Mars. That’s why there is no life there.
- Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
- Chuck Norris had 21 playing black jack and asked for another card. He won.
- Chuck Norris can eat Chinese food with one chop stick.
- Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn’t nearly foolish enough to attack him.
- Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
- Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
- The original title to “Alien vs. Predator” was “Alien & Predator vs. Chuck Norris”.
- Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
- Chuck Norris once took a Lie Detector test. The machine confessed everything.
- While vacationing in France Chuck Norris went out for a casual bike ride and accidentally won the Tour de France.
- Chuck Norris actually died 10 years ago. The Grim Reaper is just afraid to tell him.
- Once Death had a near Chuck Norris experience.
- Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
- Fear of spiders is called Arachnophobia. Fear of tight spaces is call Claustrophobia. Fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic.
Yes she does and you’d be smart to get them for her, if you expect to watch the Super Bowl in peace this weekend that is. Personally I recommend several bottles of this wine-
Speaking of watching the Super Bowl in peace it’s time to reveal my secret plan for you guys to achieve this lofty goal.
Alright guys here it is, the perfect way to keep the women that insist on tagging along to ruin your Super Bowl party quiet through out the entire game. Just get all the materials shown here ahead of time and dedicate a small grill, fireplace or woodstove for S’more’s crafting. Add a pot of fru-fru flavored women’s coffee and be sure to have a bottle each of Bailey’s and Godiva Chocolate Liqueur displayed prominently on the coffee bar.
S’more facts about everyone’s favorite campfire concoction
Campfires and s’mores go together like whiskey and coke. Everyone has their own technique. Some people like to crisp their marshmallows, while others prefer just a hint of melt.
About your ingredients:
Graham Crackers were originally developed as a healthy food in 1829 by Rev. Sylvester Graham.
Coenraad Johannes van Houten is the evil genius you can thank for discovering the process that allows chocolate to be molded into firm, sweet bars (perfect for placing atop your ‘healthy’ cracker…).
Alex Doumak developed the process giving marshmallows their cylindrical shape in 1948.
S’mores like a pro!
Like a good steak, there is a scale to how well-done you like your marshmallow.
Rare: will have a slight golden hue and take less than a minute.
Medium Rare: has a more solid, deep gold to brown coloring and needs between 2-3 minutes typically.
Medium: a solid, light brown shade with some crisping. You’ll need to cook it for just over three minutes.
Well Done: now you’re getting into earthy browns and you’ll start to taste the fire, 4 minutes.
Blackened: as blasphemous as this is, I guess some people are into it…. Cook between 4-5 minutes.
Aflame: this should be self-explanatory. Please blow out the marshmallow before you shove it in your face hole.
Come on baby light my fire
There are also two preferred methods for cooking:
Glowing Embers will produce a creamier filling (no jokes) sealed inside a light, flaky crust.
A small dancing flame will sear the exterior quickly, sealing the marshmallow and leaving it with a cool and firm center.
Get your grub on!
Some suggested variety for your favorite campfire treat:
Use peanut butter cups instead of chocolate.
Salted Carmel-Spoon on a little warm caramel sauce and a pinch of sea salt
Flavored graham crackers are a great way to change things up on the fly.
Try dark chocolate instead of your traditional Hershey’s.
Throw in some fresh fruit (Bananas and Strawberries go very well)
Carmel sauce and toasted coconut make it a Samoa cookie S’more.
Swap the graham crackers for chocolate chip cookies and use Nutella in place of chocolate bar.
Other candy ideas:
Cheeseburger Hand Pies
You didn’t think we’d forget the guys did you? Here’s one for them & perfect for the big game. You can make them ahead and them pop them in the oven when your ready.
And just so the guys can follow it and understand (Paul K9 I’m looking right at you!) it’s in a easy to understand video format.
I added some crumbled bacon, an entire 3 oz. pouch and used bacon grease instead of oil. I also added some chopped mushrooms with the onion and used grated Swiss instead of Cheddar cheese because we’re a big fans of a local burger joints Bacon Mushroom Swiss Burgers with Truffle Mayo. We might not be doing the Truffle Mayo but they’re still darn good.
You also very easily could take this to the Taco side by adding Taco Seasoning to the meat, omitting the mustard using Taco Sauce or a Thick & Chunky Salsa in place of the ketchup and shredding yourself a little Jalapeno Jack cheese in place of the Cheddar.
Lord knows we’re in serious desperate need of this! We’ve ‘dumbed things down’ just about as far as we can go and it’s hurting us badly.
The NY Giants win 4 Super Bowls (and tried for a 5th) that was ok. The Pittsburgh Steelers 6 times. Dallas Cowboys and San Francisco Forty-Niners 5 times each, sure no problem with it. But just let the New England Patriots (who have the most appearances in the Super Bowl at 9) try for a 5th time and the haters start in.
The question is, is the hate legit or is it more Trump related collateral damage by sulking tantrum throwing Liberal Loony Tunes? (apologies to Warner Bros.)
Apparently anyone even remotely associated with President Trump (I still get a thrill saying that) is going to suffer the ire of the Liberals over their losing to him.
Patriots fans have spent nearly two full seasons being reminded of the close friendship between President Donald Trump and their team’s three top figures — owner Robert Kraft, star quarterback Tom Brady and coach Bill Belichick.
Some fans in the northeastern states that backed Democrat Hillary Clinton in the November presidential election say they’re struggling to reconcile their football loyalties with their distaste for Trump. Many other fans — more than 1 million people voted for Trump in Massachusetts alone, Clinton won by less than 3,000 votes in New Hampshire and Trump picked up one of four electoral votes in Maine — say critics are simply injecting politics where it doesn’t belong.
“It’s pathetic. We have a double standard where if you admit you like Trump, you get blasted by the media,” said Brian Craig, a Lowell, Massachusetts, Republican who voted for Trump. “If Brady endorsed Hillary, no one would care.”
Plenty of people put politics aside completely when they root for their teams. But after an election that magnified the country’s deep differences of opinion, the Super Bowl matchup offers easy symbolic foils for anyone inclined to play politics.
Trump’s friendship with Brady has been fodder for sports talk radio and local news in New England since September 2015, when one of Trump’s trademark red “Make America Great Again” hats was spotted in Brady’s locker and the quarterback said it would be “great” if the GOP hopeful in a crowded primary field won it all.
Trump drew attention to his relationships with the Patriots several times throughout his campaign and leading up to his inauguration, including an election eve rally where he read a glowing letter from Belichick and claimed Brady voted for him, prompting a denial from the quarterback’s supermodel wife, Gisele Bundchen.
Brady, for his part, hasn’t revealed his vote and questioned this week why his long friendship with Trump is “such a big deal” after being asked whether he called the Republican to congratulate him, as Trump claimed in a speech attended by Kraft the night before his inauguration.
“If you know someone, it doesn’t mean that you agree with everything they say or do,” Brady said.
Indeed, few recent marriages of sports and politics have caused this much hand-wringing. There was relatively little furor when basketball megastar LeBron James — fresh off winning a title for the Cleveland Cavaliers — endorsed and stumped for Clinton in his home state of Ohio, which Trump won anyway; or when now-ousted Bills coach Rex Ryan introduced Trump at a campaign rally in Buffalo last year.
As president, Trump drew on his sports connections when he tapped New York Jets owner Woody Johnson as the next U.S. ambassador to Britain. And Peyton Manning, the retired Denver Broncos quarterback who won the Super Bowl last year, joined Trump and other leaders in Philadelphia on Thursday night as Republican lawmakers gathered to map out their congressional agenda.
Conversations on Twitter, Facebook and other social networks show the Patriots have certainly won over some new fans because of the Trump ties.
And many in Patriots Nation are certainly dreaming of sweet revenge if NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has to hand the championship trophy to Brady. Goodell suspended Brady for four games at the start of this season for using underinflated footballs in a playoff game, a case that winded through two federal courts and spurred lots of disdain for Goodell among Patriots fans.
For plenty of others, the Trump association is just another reason to dislike a franchise that’s enjoyed unprecedented success but has also been the part of two high profile cheating scandals (“Spygate” and “Deflategate”) and whose coach cultivates a gruff, stand-offish persona.
“I want the Falcons to win for normal sports fan reasons, but I want the Patriots to lose in embarrassing fashion for political reasons,” said Todd Moye, who grew up in Atlanta and now lives in Fort Worth, Texas.
Get over it already you bunch of whiney bitches!
Self Affirmation- Cat style
If you’re of an age with me, which most of you are (or older) then you remember going to the library and using the card catalog to locate books containing the information you wanted or wanted to read.
The card catalogs themselves were practically fine furniture, generally made out of oak, carefully crafted to show off the grain pattern, beautifully stained and adorned with brass fittings which the library staff always kept shining bright.
You no longer see them much any more in libraries the card catalog is now digital and kept on computer in a kiosk. Many went to scrap yards, some made it to antique stores or were bought and repurposed for other commercial use. They are in fact very popular in Mom & Pop Hardware stores for the storing of loose parts and such things. Very few have made it to homes, that is until some genius and wine officando came up with this brilliant idea.
I might have to see if I can find a section of one to start storing my collection of rare Irish whiskeys in.
NO Impish! “All my stuff” does NOT include my secret Brown Gold recipe. I’ve told you I’m taking that to my grave. Either place I end up I might find myself in need of a bargaining chip.
Well that’s it for this week folks, unfortunately I’ve run out of time and have to get to the stuff that pays to keep a roof over my head.