Dragon Laffs #1525


Dragon Laffs 5

Campers       Well, here it is, another Saturday in our little corner of madness we call Dragon Laffs.  A teeny, tiny town totally true to the theory of fabricated fantasy, fairy-tales and folklore.

Another week has gone by and I’m another week closer to my surgery.

Growing old is hard work…  The mind says, “Yes” but, the body says, “What the hell are you thinking?”

So, Thursday was Groundhog Day and, as most of you know, when the poor little guy popped his head out of his hole he saw his shadow, which means, six more weeks of winter.  More about GGroundhog-day-clip-art-the-clipartsroundhog Day later.

Just found out yesterday, that I might be able to have my surgery earlier than before.  Like much earlier…like a week from Monday.  That would be pretty awesome.  I’ll let you guys know as soon as I know.

Lets Laugh

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And what else goes with ceiling fans?  Why, airplanes of course!

So very, very cool.  It’s a shame at the end though.

This is so very, very important and so horribly insidious, this warning just had to come as soon as I saw it.10

From our dear friends over at Kim Komando’s Breaking News:

Have you ever gotten an annoying, unsolicited phone call from a company or someone you don’t know? Many times they come at the worst possible moment, like when you’re about to sit down for a nice family dinner.

There’s bad news, though, some of these calls are going from aggravating to malicious. It’s true, there are scammers making seemingly harmless phone calls, but you won’t believe how they are using those calls against their victims.

How this phone scam works

The Better Business Bureau (BBB) is receiving complaints from people across the U.S. about the latest phone scam making the rounds.

What’s happening is, people are receiving automated calls from someone claiming to be an employee of a certain business. Some companies they are supposedly representing are cruise lines, home security agencies, or social security firms.

The criminal begins the call with a simple, “Can you hear me?” Warning: Do NOT answer that question on one of these unsolicited calls. It’s a scam!

If you answer that question, or any question for that matter, with a “yes,” the criminal can use it against you. They are actually recording the victims’ responses.

If they record you saying “yes,” they can use it to claim that you agreed to certain charges. They then threaten to sue the victim if they attempt to deny the charges.

These calls usually show up with the local area code on the caller ID. This lets the victims’ guard down, thinking it’s someone local and they might know the person.

What you need to do

Police are urging everyone who receives a call like this to immediately hang up. It’s not rude to hang up on a potential scammer.

This isn’t the first time this type of phone scam has been seen. Last year, a similar version was going around with the criminal asking people questions like, “Do you pay the household bills?” or “Are you the homeowner?”

Taking advice from police is your best course of action here. If you get a call from someone you don’t know asking an easy question where the answer is yes, hang up.

Caution is always the best action, especially in today’s world!

You have been WARNED!! 

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Her dog was in heat, but she agreed to look after her neighbor’s male dog while the neighbor was on vacation. She had a large house and she believed that she could keep the two dogs apart.
As she was drifting off to sleep, she heard awful howling sounds.

She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together and unable to disengage.

Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, and although it was very late at  night, she called her vet ,who answered in a very grumpy voice.
After she explained the problem to him, the vet said,

“Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and he will be able to withdraw.”

“Do you think that will work?” she asked.
Just worked for me,” he replied.
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Dragon Pics

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I liked this one so much, I had it made into a door knocker for my office door at DL&LL Enterprises.

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Karl sends us this story of his adventures:           I met a beautiful young woman at a night club. We were getting on very well when she told me she had something to show me. She then removed her wig, and I was surprised to see that she was totally bald.           “It’s called alopecia,” she added, “but if you still like me you can ask me anything.”           I have always wanted to know, so I asked her straight. “Does your condition make you bald in other places?” I asked.           She whispered in my ear, “There’s only one way to find out.”           What an idiot I was…forgetting about Google at a time like this! Sorry Karl, sounds like you had a bit of a rough night last night.   2501 

President Trump invited the Pope for lunch on his mega yacht, the Pope accepted and during lunch, a puff of wind blew the Pontiff’s hat off, right into the water.

It floated off about 50 feet, then the wind died down and it just floated in place.

The crew and the secret service were scrambling to launch a boat to go get it, when Trump waved them off, saying “Never mind, boys, I’ll get it.”

The Donald climbed over the side of the yacht, walked on the water to the hat, picked it up, walked back on the water, climbed into the yacht, and handed the Pope his hat.

The crew was speechless. The security team and the Pope’s entourage were speechless.

No one knew what to say, not even the Pope. But that afternoon, NBC, CBS, ABC, MSNBC, CNN all reported:

“TRUMP CAN’T SWIM!”

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Fantasy

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I’m pretty sure it’s not Friday, but I believe this is one of Lethal’s other Day-Sisters.

 

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And everyone of you who read this ezine are in that category as well.

2Groan

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So, where is the Beer Garden?

 

I don’t care about Disney lying about my prince charming.  I’m more upset about forest creatures and their unwillingness to clean my house.

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Critter

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I like pizza as much as the next dragon.  Okay, I like pizza MORE than the next dragon, or the next person, or the next mythological creature, or … well … you get the idea.  But, even I wouldn’t drive this car. 

It does make me hungry, though.

Trying to disprove the saying, “You can’t take it with you,” a stingy old lawyer, diagnosed with a terminal illness, finally figured out how to take at least some of his fortune with him when he died.

He instructed his wife top go to the bank and withdraw enough money to fill two pillowcases.  He then told her to take the bags of money to the attic and leave them directly above his bed.  When he passed away, he planned to reach out and grab the bags on his way to heaven.

Several weeks after the funeral, his wife, up in the attic cleaning, came upon the two forgotten pillowcases stuffed with cash.

“Oh, that old fool!” she exclaimed.  “I knew I should have put the money in the basement.”

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Actually, I’ve been in the restaurant business for many, many years and I can tell you for a fact that it means both.  Anything that is good for you is going to cost more.  Anything that is fun, is going to cost more.  Anything that is necessary is going to cost more.

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Groundhog Day is a traditional holiday originating in the United States that is celebrated on February 2. According to folklore, if it is cloudy when a groundhog emerges from its burrow on this day, then the spring season will arrive early, some time before the vernal equinox; if it is sunny, the groundhog will supposedly see its shadow and retreat back into its den, and winter weather will persist for six more weeks.

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Modern customs of the holiday involve early morning celebrations to watch the groundhog emerging from its burrow.Greetings From Punxsutawney, Penna.3

In southeastern Pennsylvania, Groundhog Lodes (Grundsow Lodges) celebrate the holiday with fersommlinge, social events in which food is served, speeches are made, and one or more g’spiel (plays or skits) are performed for entertainment. The Pennsylvania German dialect is the only language spoken at the event, and those who speak English pay a penalty, usually in the form of a nickel, dime, or quarter per word spoken, with the money put into a bowl in the center of the table.53905197_n2

Groundhog Day was more widely adopted in the U.S. in 1887. Clymer H. Freas was the editor of the local paper Punxsutawney Spirit at the time, and he began promoting the town’s groundhog as the official “Groundhog Day meteorologist”.DogGroundHog-small

The largest Groundhog Day celebration is held in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania, with Punxsutawney Phil. Groundhog Day, already a widely recognized and popular tradition, received widespread attention as a result of the 1993 film Groundhog Day.

Kick his ass5

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Once upon a time there was a king who wanted to go fishing. He called the royal weather forecaster and inquired about the weather forecast for the next few hours. The weatherman assured him that there was no chance of rain in the coming days.

So the king went fishing with his wife, the queen.

On the way he met a farmer on his donkey. Upon seeing the king the farmer said, “Your Majesty, you should return to the palace at once because in just a short time I expect a huge amount of rain to fall in this area”.

The king was polite and considerate, he replied: “I hold the palace meteorologist in high regard. He is an extensively educated and experienced professional, and I pay him very high wages. He gave me a very different forecast. I trust him and I will continue on my way.” So they did.

Furious, the king returned to the palace and gave the order to fire the weatherman at once! Then he summoned the farmer and offered him the prestigious and high paying role of royal forecaster.

The farmer said, “Your Majesty, I do not know anything about forecasting. I obtain my information from my donkey. If I see my donkey’s ears drooping, it means with certainty that it will rain.” So instead, the King hired the donkey on the spot.

And thus began the ancient-old practice of hiring asses to work in the government and occupy its highest and most influential positions…

Being a government employee myself, I take offense at that last … wait … never mind. 

Motivate

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Misconception

Miss America

Missing The Point

Mission Accomplished

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God’s Plan for Aging?

Most seniors never get enough exercise. In His wisdom God decreed that seniors become forgetful so they would have to search for their glasses, keys and other things thus doing more walking. And God looked down and saw that it was good.

Then God saw there was another need. In His wisdom He made seniors lose coordination so they would drop things requiring them to bend, reach & stretch. And God looked down and saw that it was good.

  Then God considered the function of bladders and decided seniors would have additional calls of nature requiring more trips to the bathroom, thus providing more exercise.  God looked down and saw that it was good.

So if you find as you age, you are getting up and down more, remember it’s God’s will. It is all in your best interest even though you mutter under your breath.

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Ain’t that the sad, sad truth.

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Oh my gosh, say it again!  Shout it from the roof tops!  I’m tired of not having as nice a life as the ones who won’t work that I have to pay for!

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That’s all I’m saying about the Superbowl this week, I’m sure that Lethal will have plenty to say about it on Wednesday.

 

Last Word

You’ve heard me talk about playing darts, right?  Well, our league was featured in a tiny website about Miami County…that’s Miami County Indiana, so you guys get to watch the video here.  I’m in the video, but I’m not one of the speakers.  See if you can find me.

Like where’s Waldo, it’s Where’s Impish?

Cheers Impish

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2 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1525

  1. Lethal Leprechaun says:

    You’reaching in the slouched cap at the far end of the officials table in opening & closing scenes.
    You let your hair gown back because you head got cold.

  2. Ginny says:

    What a fun blog. Hope you have a SUPER DUPER SUPER BOW; Glad they are pushing your
    hip surgery up….why suffer any long they you have too

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