Well, I went to the doctor on Thursday and we have determined that I need my hip replaced. First my knee two years ago and now my hip! I’ve got to find the warranty on this body and find out what the hell is going on.
So, it’s been a long, long week with too many damn doctor appointments and not enough down time. So, I don’t know about you, but I REALLY need this, so…
The problem – There’s a box with a hole at each end and there’s a rabbit in the box. The rabbit sticks his head out of the hole in one end, and a minute later he sticks it out the other end.
Half a minute later, his head appears at the opposite end, a fourth of a minute later it appears at the end opposite to that one, an eighth of a minute later… etc., etc.
How long will it take before the rabbit sticks its head out of both ends of the box at the same time?
In theory, two minutes. In practice, no answer is possible unless, of course, you split hares.
I know, I’m really sorry. But, blame Karl, it’s his joke.
This next one was sent in by Karl, also. It definitely explains why I haven’t heard from him for a while.
Be glad you didn’t press both at once!
“HEY! HEY! Close the damn door! I’m eating in here!”
I hate to do this again…and again, it’s all Karl’s fault…
After a heavy day’s digging at the archeological site in Norway, researchers uncovered a priceless statue of the ancient Norse thunder god. He had bulging muscles, an imposing stance, and his famous giant hammer. But most important of all, the eyes in his fierce-looking face were made of two giant rubies that glittered with a brilliant red color.
Of course, the two leading archeologists on the dig were both determined that they should be the one to have their name listed on the discovery. Pretty soon, a big argument was underway. The two provided the others with a great source of amusement for the evening. By the time they finally gave up, calling a truce, everyone else was feeling quite refreshed by the entertainment.
As the crowd dispersed, one junior digger turned to his friend, and remarked, “Well, *THAT* was a fight for Thor’s eyes”. I know. I’m so sorry. I know it’s late in the season, but I finally got my flu shot the other day.
You gotta have a sense of humor about everything…. well, not everything, but how about THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ISIS
That was SO tasteless….but I’ll bet you laughed at some part of it.
This is just one of many upgrades that we give to our security team members.
Aww….that’s so sweet!
A woman walks into an accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.
The accountant says, “Before we begin, I’ll need to ask you a few questions.
“He gets her name, address, social security number, etc.
And then asks, “What’s your occupation?”
“I’m a Lady of the night,” she says.
The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says, ” let’s try to rephrase that.”
The woman says, “OK, I’m a high-end call girl”. “No, that still won’t work. Try again.”
They both think for a minute; then the woman says, “I’m an elite chicken farmer.”
The accountant asks, “What does chicken farming have to do with being a prostitute?”
“Well, I raised a thousand little peckers last year.”
“Chicken Farmer it is.”
I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out?”
I can’t understand why women are okay that JC Penny has an older women’s clothing line named, “Sag Harbor.”
“Oh NO! I’ve just been saying that your new hairdo makes you look less attractive.”
“I also heard that you’ve been calling me fat?!?”
“Oh NO! I just said that the way you wear those stripes makes you look larger than you really are.”
“I’ve also heard that you’re saying that my husband has a wart on his dick!”
“Oh NO! I only said that it feels like he has a wart on his dick!”
Well, I’m out of time, so that’s it for this week folks. Until we meet again.