Today is Saturday and I’m in the middle of a long weekend. I’m trying my best to relax, waiting on the Whelpling to come by so we can take care of a tree branch in the backyard that is hanging over the fence into the neighbor’s yard. It split from the wind and is hanging on, so we need to either pull it down or cut it down or something.

Then, if the weather clears up, we’re going for a ride.

But, in the mean time, …

NIGHT CLASSES FOR MEN – SIGN-UP NOW
Classes for Men at our Local Learning Center for Adults Note: 

Due to the complexity and difficulty level of their contents, each course will accept a maximum of 8 participants each.

TOPIC 1 –
How to Fill Up the Ice Cube Trays. Step by step, with slide presentations.


TOPIC 2 –
The Toilet Paper Roll: Do They Grow on the Holders? 
Round table discussion.


TOPIC 3 –
Is it Possible to Urinate Using the Technique of Lifting the Seat Up and Avoiding the Floors/Walls and Nearby Bathtub? 
Group practice.


TOPIC 4 –
Fundamental Differences Between the Laundry Hamper and the Floor. Pictures and explanatory graphics.


TOPIC 5 –
The After-Dinner Dishes and Silverware: Can They Levitate and Fly into the Kitchen Sink? 
Examples on video.


TOPIC 6 –
Loss of Identity: Losing the Remote to Your Significant Other.
Helpline support and support groups.


TOPIC 7 –
Learning How to Find Things, Starting With Looking in the Right Place Instead of Turning the House Upside Down While Screaming. 
Open forum.


TOPIC 8 –
Health Watch: Bringing Her Flowers is NOT Harmful to Your Health. 
Graphics and audio tape.


TOPIC 9 –
Real Men Ask for Directions When Lost. Real life testimonials.


TOPIC 10 –
Is It Genetically Impossible to Sit Quietly as She Parallel Parks? 
Driving simulation.


TOPIC 11 –
Learning to Live: Base Differences Between Mother and Wife. 
On-line class and role playing.


TOPIC 12 –
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion. 
Relaxation exercises,meditation, and breathing techniques.


TOPIC 13 –
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy: Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries, Other Important Dates, and Calling When You’re Going to Be Late. 
Cerebral shock therapy sessions and full lobotomies offered. * 


* Upon completion of the course, diplomas will be issued –  to the few survivors.

Nurse came in and said Doc, there’s a man in the waiting room who thinks he’s invisible. 

What should I tell him?

The doctor said: Tell him I can’t see him today. 

This one is from Joe…

Note from a friend with a rather large wife:

____________________

The socialization of men separates them from the more grounded emotions of women. 

Most of the arguments in married life are the fault of men, and for one reason only; men have never learned how to compliment women. 

I’ll give you an example from my marriage to Karen. 

I don’t want to say Karen is fat….because so many other people do. Her measurements are 54-46-44….and her other breast is slightly smaller. 

We once went to the Opera, and no one would leave until she sang a song. 

Getting back to this compliment thing, one day I pulled into the driveway after work, and Karen came running out of the house, bouncing all over. 

She asked “How do you like me in the no-bra look?”

Without thinking, and sure I was giving her a compliment, I said “Well, it sure smoothes out those wrinkles on your forehead.” 

The next thing I remember is the Doctor placing paddles on my chest and yelling “Clear!”

At the coffee shop:

Is your husband easy to please?

I don’t know…I’ve never tried!

Youngman:

I just got back from a pleasure trip.

I took my mother-in-law to the airport

This one has some pretty good clips in it…

And that’s it my friends. Another one in the box. I hope you had as much fun as I did. But, I’d like to get a jump on the next one, so I’m going to say …