I’ve tried to be good. I really have. But, I can’t keep my mouth shut over this one. I could just cry I’m so frustrated. The Biden administration is making plans to pay illegal immigrants that were separated from their families $450,000 per person. Which means almost a million dollars at a minimum for a parent separated from a child.
FOR BREAKING THE LAW!
For Coming here illegally.
If you do that in any other country the BEST you can hope for is to be put in jail, here you get to be a millionaire.
And that’s my money and your money.
That’s more money than the family of a military member who is killed in action gets. That’s topped off at $400,000. That’s more money then most of the 911 families received. And yes, I know, that was caused by another country, but I’m just using that as a comparison.
So, an illegal alien is more important to our current government administration than an American servicemember who gives his life for his country. Someone who is willing to sneak into this country against the law, steal our stuff, break our laws, is worth more to our president, than an honorable American who makes the ultimate sacrifice and lay down his life to protect his friends, family and loved ones … and YOUR friends, family and loved ones back home.
THAT IS WHAT OUR PRESIDENT THINKS OF YOU!
Just another example of him putting America LAST … AGAIN!
As a Veteran this turns my stomach. As an American citizen this turns my stomach. And as a taxpayer, this pisses me off! You are using MY money to reward lawbreakers. Why don’t you just pay car thieves to steal cars or arsonists to burn shit down? It’s the same damn thing!
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THEM!?!? If this, alone, is not a clear enough sign for impeachment then I don’t know what is.
Okay …
I’m done …
Ready to weep in my whiskey, but I’m done.
So, let’s get this laughter going then, shall we? Cause I think we need it. Well, I do, anyway.
A belly button is basically a scar from when you got into a knife fight with a guy in a mask after being evicted from your first place.
Remember: When you bury a body, cover it with endangered plants so it is illegal to dig it up.
Follow me for more gardening tips.
I don’t understand why we spend so much on clothes to impress someone we want to be naked with.
This is total nonsense.
I was born a male and I identify as a male, but according to Stouffer’s Lasagna, I’m a family of 4.
“What do you mean, you’ve been trying to reach me about my car’s warranty?”
Way to go, Frank!
My boyfriend hates it when I shorten his name to Dick.
Especially since his name is Steve.
Last night my neighbors kept me up with the headboard banging. I finally yelled, “The guy last night made her scream louder.” That shut them up.
If she admits she’s wrong, apologizes, and agrees to change her ways, dump her immediately. Because that might be a man. Women don’t do that.
Okay, what the hell is that keeping you from doing? All I can think of is opening canned food. Is Popeye the only one who has to worry? And is it worth the $500 to stop Brutus and protect Olive Oyl?
“Why? What did YOU dress up for Halloween as?”
When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy is the medication they must be on.
I really don’t mind getting older, but my body is taking it badly.
Getting older is just one body part after another saying, “Ha, ha! You think that’s bad? Watch this!”
That would actually be funny, if it weren’t so damn true.
You call it OCD.
I call it put the shit back where you found it.
Grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change.
The courage to change direction when I see them coming.
And the wisdom to not try to smack some sense into them when I can’t avoid them.
Amen!
You can’t get mad at people who suck the life out of you if you keep giving them the straw.
Person: I like your name.
Me: Thanks, I got it for my birthday.
I’ve been sent an awful lot of these the last couple of days but I won’t put them all in here right now because that would just overwhelm you guys. But it’s amazing how they accumulate.
I just found a document that says all of our restrictions have been lifted, and we are all free…it’s pretty old though…dated 1776…
Some of the biggest cases of mistaken identity are among politicians.
They have a lot of trouble remembering that they are not God!
And I’m going to finish today off with some last minute Halloween images that were seen last night…
That sounds truly disgusting!
Thanks Aussie Pete and thanks to all of you who contributed to this episode of Dragon Laffs and who have sent in all the stuff you have sent to me. May your coming days be filled with love and happiness and may you not eat too much candy.
You ever have a holiday just kind of sneak up on you? I’ve been saving Halloween cartoons and stuff for weeks and weeks thinking that I’d spread them out over the couple of issues before the holiday and just realized as I sat down to start this issue that THIS was the Halloween episode.
So, what the hell happened to the time?
I guess it’s like anything else, if you don’t pay attention to it, it disappears faster than it should.
Nah, that’s not it. More likely I’ve been so damn busy there hasn’t been enough time to do the things I need to do, much less any extra.
So, this is going to be the Halloween issue. I’ve got enough material for a trick or treat bag FULL of Halloween issues, and there’s a bunch of other stuff I wanted to talk about and I’m playing a makeup darts match tonight and … you get the idea.
So, let’s get this party started.
“Life is a Highway”
“I Obviously Took a Dirt Road”
My Mom was cleaning out their liquor cabinet and offered me a bottle of Vodka they’ve had for ages. I had to say no because I know it’s 70% water from me stealing it when I was 16.
There! Summer is over! Hope you’re happy you pumpkin spice loving psychos.
You know you’re ugly when you go to a haunted house and come out with an application.
I want to move away from Halloween for just a second and share something with you that Mrs. Dragon shared with me last night. It actually brought tears to my eyes.
Absolutely amazing
Remember in the last issue where we talked about putting a message on your voicemail if you were lost or your battery was dying or you were in a place where you didn’t have service or … yeah, you remember that one. Well, you ever feel really stupid about something when someone points out something REALLY obvious to you? Well, I got this message from Pete … one of your more saner voices of reason around here and he said: Of course your voice mail still works for the caller. Tell me, if your battery is dead or too low to receive call or has no signal, how you are going to change the message on it? If you enter data into your phone and send it, but the signal can’t reach the cell site, how is the data going to get to the location of the voice mail center to change your recorded message? Um… well yeah! No kidding. Thanks Pete for being the voice of reason. I’m going to change my voicemail BEFORE I become lost and in an area with no coverage because I’m psychic and KNOW that’s going to happen, right? Well, if I’m psychic and KNOW that’s going to happen, then JUST DON’T GO THERE IN THE FIRST FRIGGIN’ PLACE!
Anyway … somebody has to pay attention around here.
How about a little before and after picture … do you remember this picture of the Willow Dragon?
Well, this is one from just now ..
As you can see, Her Willowness has gotten a bit … um … bigger. Just as sweet and just as loving, but a whole lot bigger. She squared up on a blowing leaf the other day and damn near tore my arm capturing said leaf. She is learning to sit, stay, and wait to be fed. Although eating is still an exercise in prison ethics. Good fun. I have stopped calling her Prison Bitch … well, I’ve dropped the Prison part, anyway.
I sat in my Haircutters chair and said “Make me look sexy.”
She started drinking…
My sex life is like a Ferrari.
I don’t have a Ferrari.
I went down to the paint store to get thinner.
It didn’t work.
I love how in scary movies, the person yells out, “Hello?” as if the killer is going to be like, “Yeah, I’m in the kitchen, want a sandwich?”
I never called you ugly. All I said was, “I bet you could trick or treat over the telephone.”
I don’t hold grudges.
I hold memories that keep me better prepared for our next encounter.
I learn from the mistakes of people who take my advice.
Dear Women, we don’t say this enough, but thank you.
Thank you for not killing us in our sleep.
Sincerely,
Men
Have you ever met someone so stupid you felt bad for their dog?
Okay, I’m changing his name to Friggin’ Pete. So, we’ve got Aussie Pete and Friggin’ Pete. Why Friggin’ Pete you ask? Well, I’ll tell you…because he keeps sending us stuff that either makes me go hmm or brings a tear to my eye or … well, read this and you’ll see what I mean:
This has been around for years but, as I reread it, it hits a little closer to home. I hope you take the time to read it.
Pete
The older I get, the more I enjoy Saturday mornings. Perhaps it’s the quiet solitude that comes with being the first to rise, or maybe it’s the unbounded joy of not having to be at work. Either way, the first few hours of a Saturday morning are most enjoyable.
A few weeks ago, I was shuffling toward the basement shack with a steaming cup of coffee in one hand and the morning paper in the other. What began as a typical Saturday morning, turned into one of those lessons that life seems to hand you from time to time. Let me tell you about it.
I turned the dial up into the phone portion of the band on my ham radio in order to listen to a Saturday morning conversation. Along the way, I came across an older sounding chap, with a tremendous signal and a golden voice. You know the kind, he sounded like he should be in the broadcasting business. He was telling whoever he was talking with something about “a thousand marbles.”
I was intrigued and stopped to listen to what he had to say. “Well, Tom, it sure sounds like you’re busy with your job. I’m sure they pay you well, but it’s a shame you have to be away from home and your family so much. Hard to believe a young fellow should have to work sixty or seventy hours a week to make ends meet. Too bad you missed your daughter’s dance recital.”
He continued, “Let me tell you something, Tom, something that has helped me keep a good perspective on my own priorities.” And that’s when he began to explain his theory of a “thousand marbles.”
“You see, I sat down one day and did a little arithmetic. The average person lives about seventy-five years. I know, some live more and some live less, but on average, folks live about seventy-five years.
“Now then, I multiplied 75 times 52 and I came up with 3900 which is the number of Saturdays that the average person has in their entire lifetime. Now stick with me Tom, I’m getting to the important part. It took me until I was fifty-five years old to think about all this in any detail”, he went on, “and by that time I had lived through over twenty-eight hundred Saturdays. I got to thinking that if I lived to be seventy-five, I only had about a thousand of them left to enjoy.
“So I went to a toy store and bought every single marble they had. I ended up having to visit three toy stores to round-up 1000 marbles. I took them home and put them inside of a large, clear plastic container right here in the shack next to my gear. Every Saturday since then, I have taken one marble out and thrown it away.
“I found that by watching the marbles diminish, I focused more on the really important things in life. There is nothing like watching your time here on this earth run out to help get your priorities straight.
“Now let me tell you one last thing before I sign-off with you and take my lovely wife out for breakfast. This morning, I took the very last marble out of the container. I figure if I make it until next Saturday then I have been given a little extra time. And the one thing we can all use is a little more time.”
“It was nice to meet you Tom, I hope you spend more time with your family, and I hope to meet you again here on the band.
73 Old Man, this is K9NZQ, clear and going QRT, good morning!”
You could have heard a pin drop on the band when this fellow signed off. I guess he gave us all a lot to think about. I had planned to work on the antenna that morning, and then I was going to meet up with a few hams to work on the next club newsletter. Instead, I went upstairs and woke my wife up with a kiss. “C’mon honey, I’m taking you and the kids to breakfast.”
“What brought this on?” she asked with a smile.
“Oh, nothing special, it’s just been a long time since we spent a Saturday together with the kids. Hey, can we stop at a toy store while we’re out? I need to buy some marbles.”
With only 684 of my own marbles left, it really makes you think about what your priorities are and what they ought to be. Thank you Pete, truly, for a really wonderful essay.
“I’ll get gas in the morning” is one of the worst decisions you can make as an adult.
The most important thing I’ve learned in life,
and I can’t stress this enough:
you have to make a salad in a bigger bowl than you think.
My kids won’t stop bugging me for an in-ground swimming pool, so tonight we’re watching the movie Poltergeist.
And with that dear friends, I hoped you enjoyed this super-sized Halloween issue of Dragon Laffs. I know it wasn’t much of a normal issue, but hey! Sometimes it’s good to just laugh. Until we meet again. Cheers!
It’s truly wonderful to see everyone this fine Thursday morning. And a fine Thursday morning it is, too. At least I’m assuming it’s a fine Thursday morning, since I’m starting to write this on Tuesday evening. Yes, it’s my own little version of time travel. We actually have a frost warning in effect for tonight, the first one of the year. I’m not sure I’m ready for a frost warning yet. We have had nothing but rain for the last like month. I got a chance to mow the lawn the other day, which I normally manage once a week or so, but with the weather I think had gone about ten days and I swear with all the rain and intermittent sun, I really thought I was going to need a farm tractor.
It had to be, no lie, 4 to 6 to about 8 inches tall in the sunny spots. And lush and green! Oh man! No wonder the bunny rabbits like it so much! Which of course drive my puppy dogs just crazy! Defenders of the realm, they are! Keep those evil bunny rabbits away!
When we lived at the old house, it was the squirrels. Here, it’s the bunny rabbits. And the neighbor’s cat. Now, that’s an evil feline. It get’s running just in front of the dogs and is just powerful enough to leap to the top of the fence when they are running at top speed. The cat leaps to the top of the fence, the dogs crash into the bottom of the fence, and get their ever-living bells rung.
And of course this dragon just laughs and laughs. Because I see it unfolding every, single time.
The cat is evil and the dogs are stupid. So, okay, maybe not stupid, but completely and utterly controlled by their basic instincts. Something runs away from them and they have to chase it. Whether it’s me throwing a ball away from them, a rabbit running across the backyard, a butterfly fluttering across the field, or an evil cat who is going to, yet again, crash them into the hard wooden fence. They have no control over it. It’s instinctual stupidity.
Kind of like American Politics.
(See what I did there?)
Anyway, what do you say we get on with the laughter and put some other funny stuff into this ezine? Yup, I think that’s a great idea, too.
You realize that …
right?
Okay, I’ve got to say, I don’t think I want to drink coffee made with beans that have been pooped out of a creature. Seriously, I don’t see the attraction, don’t see the appeal, and in fact, I don’t give a damn HOW good it tastes, just the fact that it was crapped out would be enough for me to not drink it … ever. Besides, if I remember correctly, it’s also like the world’s most expensive coffee. And as far as I’m concerned, I don’t go to Starbucks because they charge too damn much for a simple cup of joe.
That is an awesome idea! I would’ve never thought of that! Thanks to Stephanie for passing on that bit of advice.
And the next skating competitive pair is …
WHEN I DIE
Will someone please go to my funeral dressed as the Grim Reaper? Don’t say anything, just stand there…
Whenever I’m having a bad day, I just stop and remind myself, at least I don’t have my Ex’s name tattooed on my body.
“Daddy, why do people hang horses?” asked my daughter.
“Nobody hangs horses, darling,” I consoled her on my lap. “Who told you that people hang horses?”
“I just heard mummy on the phone saying that her new boss was hung like a horse.”
Yeah … I got nuttin’
The only way I’d stop supporting Trump is if I found out he slept with Pelosi.
Okay, that’s just wrong, in so many ways.
Raise your hand if you want to see Hunter Biden testify for 30 + hours before a Senate Intelligence Committee just like Donald Trump, Jr. had to do over the Russian Collusion hoax!
When your wife is mad, just tell her that she is overreacting. She’ll realize you’re right and calm down instantly.
Follow me for more marriage advice!
Today my son asked how I know that everyone driving is named Dick.
I got this next one from Pete and he labeled it “Impish”. I must say, I’m honored.
This is what Paris looks like from the Eiffel Tower
For those who don’t know me, I’m kind, calm, and sweet. For those who know me, shut up, please.
Y’all be sure to leave those Biden signs in your yard…so people will know where to siphon gas when it’s $8.00 a gallon.
How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in your pan?
You take away their little brooms.
From time to time my wife puts on her wedding dress.
Not because she’s sentimental.
She really gets that far behind with the laundry.
I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you how you need to be “saved” or you’ll “burn”.
Stupid firemen.
And that my friends is it for today. I hope you had as much fun as I did. May the rest of your week be filled with as much fun and laughter as you can possibly handle and as much love as you could possibly desire.
Well, it seems as though the last issue published as it was supposed to, so I guess this platform works at least. As much of a pain in the ass as it is. Any port in the storm.
Maybe it’s a government conspiracy to keep Impish Dragon’s voice off the internet. You know it’s not like Faceblock where they can stop you anytime they want, I can say anything I want to here and the only ones I have to worry about here are the FBI, NSA, CIA … okay, so I guess I DO have stuff to worry about.
So maybe in light of all of that, we ought to, oh I don’t know, laugh?
I got my glasses fixed.
My girlfriend sat on them
It was my own fault though.
I should’ve taken them off.
Can I be the first one to say, “YUCK!”
This message needs to get out to pretty much everyone these days …
Just because you are offended – doesn’t mean you are right!
Every time a bird shits on my car, I eat a plate of scrambled eggs on my porch to show them what I am capable of.
Woman: Do you have any batteries?
Clerk: Sure come this way. (wiggles finger)
Woman: If I could come that way, I wouldn’t need batteries.
Izzy Dragon’s baby picture.
Oh, the good old days!
I told my wife I wanted to be cremated.
She made me an appointment for Tuesday.
The Manhattan Style makes me think that there might be OTHER styles.
Just spent 15 minutes searching for my phone in my car.
While using my phone as a flashlight.
Even our plumbers are special.
Everyone needs that one friend who’ll get drunk with you, for no reason at all.
One minute your young and fun. And the next, you’re turning down the stereo in your car to see better.
An Obituary printed in the London Times…..Absolutely Dead Brilliant!!
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, “Common Sense”, who has been with us for many years.
No one knows for sure how old he was,
Common Sense has been lost inbureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
– Knowing when to come in out of the rain; – Why the early bird gets the worm; – Life isn’t always fair; – And maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you can earn)
Common Sense began to deteriorate rapidly when overbearing regulations were set in place ! ! !
Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student
Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense was preceded in death, -by his parents, Truth and Trust, -by his wife, Discretion, -by his daughter, Responsibility, -and by his son, Reason.
He is survived by his 5 stepchildren; – I Know My Rights – I Want It Now – Someone Else Is To Blame – I’m A Victim – Pay me for Doing Nothing
Very few realize we have lost Common Sense
Today I passed a drug test at work. My dealer has some explaining to do.
Most people don’t act stupid. It’s the real thing.
You just have to take life one “WTF” at a time…
I hate when people say, “Act Like An Adult.”
Have you seen adults lately? That’s horrible advice!
If you ever see me JOGGING, please kill whatever is chasing me.
Do you ever just listen to someone and think, Holy Shit, you’ve got the IQ of a crayon.
Every damn day.
It’s time to do some of these. Let’s see how much fun we can have.
If you’re 40+, it’s time to leave those young girls alone and get you a woman that understands the signs of a stroke.
I’m having people over to stare at their phones later if you want to come by…
Mother’s Day gift?
Finally figured out the reason why I look so bad in pictures.
It’s my face.
I don’t know where you got your opinion, but I hope you kept the receipt.
I just saw on the news that they’re suggesting that people check on the elderly.
I’m usually up by 6 or 6:30.
Bring donuts.
And that’s it for today my friends. I hope you have a wonderful week full of love and happiness.
So, not sure how this is going to work out. I have to use the damn processing unit on the WordPress site. I’m still discovering a lot of stuff about it. I still don’t like it, but it may be because I’m not used to it. It may be because it’s a huge pain in the ass. But, there may be some pluses … like I may be able to videos back into my issues again. But, there may be some minuses … it may take me a lot longer to put an issue together until I get used to this. So issues may be shorter or there may be fewer issues per week. I’m not sure how all this will play out.
But we’ll see, I suppose.
And see, that’s a perfect example. I found a better color, but now I can’t go back and change the first paragraph … but I can’t change the second paragraph’s font size. It’s crazy.
It allows me to put pictures in and stuff, and in much different arrangements, but if the pictures are too small, I can’t resize them.
And I can now put videos back in … if it actually shows up when I post. There should be a dancing baby above, so if there is, then that’s a plus. But, it looks like it only works on YouTube, and some others that I’ve never heard of. Guess I’ll have to experiment.
So, yeah. It’s a real pain in the ass to set up each and every paragraph as I type it … but I guess that’s something I’ll get used to as well. So, let’s get this issue going I suppose and see where it takes us, shall we?
And that’s exactly what I’m talking about … last night before I went to bed, I had gotten a bit further in this issue than I am right now, and when I saved it and came back to it this morning, part of it was missing! So, me and this interface are going to have a real “come to Jesus” kinda talk!
But in the mean time … let’s get to some of that laughter, shall we?
The hacker was so disappointed in my bank account … he started me a Go Fund Me page.
I have to tell you guys, the comments and outpouring of love I’ve received from you all since my last episode has been amazing! Jaw dropping, floor stomping, back pounding amazing! And it seems that most of you like the political stuff and the ranting or at least are willing to put up with it. Not that I was going to stop, just … um … tone it down a little.
But, from Don Graves we get: I do enjoy this e-zine, and much like anything I read or watch if I don’t like what I see I move on. Your politics and mine do not often match, but I served to give you the right to rant if you want. Keep up the good work! Don, thank you for your Service. And yes, believe it or not folks, there is a lot of that in the service where two vets don’t have the same political views. But we can sit down together and discuss it without it coming to arguments and fighting, because we understand that it’s okay for two full grown adults to have different opinions. Cheers, brother.
And from our dearest friend Stephanie: I love you dragon, and really enjoy the humor. Yes, it has been a bit political, but what isn’t? I miss the lair and the wild drunken revelry we used to have. I can make flower tiaras for the ladies and sharpen spear points. Might even be able to sew bells on pointy shoes. Yeah, I miss those days as well. We need to get back to those good old days. I need to sit and write a good story again. And speaking of stories … no one said anything about Lasagna Bob! Hmmm, not your guys’ cup of tea I suppose. Okay
And we’ll do a few more in a minute.
Okay, more comments. Although, I suppose that if you really wanted to read them, you could go to the comments section and read them yourself, but then that wouldn’t allow me an opportunity to publicly respond to all of them, so … put up with it.
This one is from Kris, who says: I’m fine with the political stuff. Maybe I’m just as angry as you so I appreciate the humor more than others. Please don’t stop totally.Maybe that’s part of it, how close anger and humor really are. We get so mad at what our “LEADERS” are doing to us instead of what they are supposed to be doing for us and we have no choice but to lash out. We can’t lash out physically and with violence, either because we’re not that kind of people, we physically can’t do that, or some other limiting situation, so we do the next best thing. We poke fun, sometimes hurtfully so, because that’s all we have left. It’s also a bit sad and emasculating because it’s all we have left to us.
And then Cynical John (what a GREAT name) who writes: I enjoy it all–rants, jokes, puns. Maybe I enjoy the rants is because I agree with you most all the time. Keep it up! It’s nice to be agreed with, to hear the cheering in the background when I go on a rant. To feel the crowd surge forward when I say, “he should be strung up by his toenails” like I could snap my fingers and the scoundrel would be hung by his offending digits. Yes … that feeling is truly marvelous.
“Do you promise to love, honor, and cherish for as long as you both shall live?”
I will never, ever be able to NOT see this again!
Tom Harlander is next up with his comments: I have a big collection of photos, memes, etc., from your postings that I in turn post on my Facebook page. I have been told by the Facebook censors recently that some of them are not true, my response has been to post another statement in response that the “checkers” are liars and frauds. So far they haven’t responded, so I guess that’s not deniable. I like the political stuff, but also the fun things. When they manage to combine, that’s great. Thanks Tom. We all steal from each other. If it wasn’t for you guys sending me stuff to post, I wouldn’t have an issue to publish at all. And then Steve uses half the stuff he uses from stuff he gets from Dragon Laffs and I use about half of what he posts in his postings and …. it just goes round and round until all of us have gotten a good laugh from all of it. That’s the key takeaway. “Has everyone laughed at everything? Okay, we can move on now.”
And then Al put in his east coast voice: yer stuff is good. youse is clearly of the ‘second greatest’ generation… and socialism and pcism are simply incomprehensible. take it easy, we’ll wait…Thanks Al. Youse is good people, too. And thanks for waiting. Me? I hate waiting for stuff, but I appreciate that there are times where waiting is good. Hopefully, we’re getting this whole thing worked out.
Dave is up next and writes to say: I check a few times every day, to see if you have a new page up. When I see it, I usually stop whatever I was doing and go right to it. I need the break, for some real humor, not the stupid tik-tok shit. Keep your page the way it has been. If you lose a reader from time to time, don’t worry about. You have also gained readers who don’t subscribe, they just enjoy humor. Since politics are ruining everything, why not poke fun at them. Just think, the new 4 star admiral came from my state, Pennsylvania. I was in the Navy, but shit like this doesn’t make me proud. Thanks Dave. I’m not really worried about losing a reader as much as keeping in mind what my readers want to read. And I think I’m getting that, thanks to you all. I know I’m not going to please all of the people all of the time, but that also doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t at least check in…otherwise it could reach a point where the only person I’m writing for is … me.
Then it’s Tina’s turn and she writes: i have to say, i check my inbox every day hoping to see you’ve posted a new bunch of laughs. i agree with most of what you write, and what part i don’t agree with, i skip over. hey, i’m sure you wouldn’t agree with everything i say either. keep it the way it is, or change it up,,, i’ll still be checking in cause i need the laughs and i don’t mind the serious. dragon laffs are one of the best parts of my day. please don’t stop. Wow! Thanks Tina. That makes me want to post something every day. And feel bad because I don’t. But seriously. Thanks. It makes me feel really good.
Male bees die after mating.
That’s basically their life.
Honey. Nut. Cheerio.
“Protect the Kingdom!”
Okay, let’s finish these up, shall we. Let’s go to Mike next: How could you not take a few shots at the politico’s, especially since they make such juicy targets of themselves, provide your ammunition and load your gun for you. It would harder no not give them their due. This is quite true, Mike. They do make it Sooooo damn easy.
Then we have Alan F.: Look forward to and enjoy every mailing. serious or humorous. Keep up the good work Thanks Alan, appreciate the very kind words.
And Trish Gilbert says: I love your political rants because I feel the same way which is why Fakebook deleted my page and banned me. They don’t like the truth. You always make me laugh at just the right time. Please keep up the awesome job. One of the main reasons I really don’t have a Facebook account. I have one, but if it wasn’t for my dart league, I really wouldn’t. They decided that’s the way we would keep track of things in the league, so I have an account for that, since I am the treasurer, statistician, secretary, gopher, and all around “other job” guy.
One of our favorite dear friends, Leah D. adds: I need your political rants as much as the laughs. I need to know I am not the only one mad as hell about what is going on. That puts me in the mood for comedy, like aspirin for a headache. Yup, battling the bullshit with laughter. That’s what we do. And yeah, you aren’t the only one who is mad as hell about what’s going on.
And finally, just a few minutes ago, Greg added: I’ve always enjoyed your stuff got all of them in a LAFFS folder although I don’t really go back to them much. I have just always dragged them over “just in case! I get them on my work emails makes my day 🙂 I understand Greg, I have folders of folders of stuff I don’t want to get rid of just “because”. They’re just electrons, right? Thanks for being a fan.
And thanks to ALL of you … you guys have REALLY made my day!!!
Pete sent this to me, um, actually almost a week ago, but it is so apropos and fits so well with what we have been talking about that I have to put it in, right here. Thanks Pete for all you do and for all you send me.
I came across this today, it’s something I wrote a few years ago but, it sure has relevance to today.
If we are going to become a Nation that is PC, first of all …good luck with that. Second is, we are not able to stop at banning the “N” word. I surely understand that people take offense to that word but, the fact is, people take offense to all kinds of words. So I believe in the interest of this so called “Political Correctness” and to insure the sensitivities of our Citizens, we need to ban a few more words and subjects.
Lets start with the subject of weight, that is a very sensitive thing to some people. If you or someone you know grew up overweight you know how hurtful and offensive words like: fatty, pig, tubby, pudgy, cow, thunderthighs, to name a few, can be. I move we ban all words and subject matter to do with being overweight.
For the Irish people and people who deal daily with the ravishing, devastating affects of alcoholism we should ban all references to alcohol and drunkenness, especially as it pertains to the stereotypes of people of Irish decent.
For the preservation of the feelings of our Polish friends, we need to ban all words related to “Pollock” and all manner of stereotyped jokes and subject matter on them!
Then there are blonds, short people, Indians, Mexicans, Jews, Catholics, The French, aged people. There are the Chinese, Hillbillies, geeks, the disabled, Foureyes, all manner of sex words. Yup, there are a whole world of offensive words and subjects that this Politically Correct shit encompasses!
As for humor, it is a tool for learning, just look at one of the greatest Comedians of all time, Richard Pryor. He used extreme racist humor and he used it to teach Blacks and Whites about each other as did Carroll O’Connor! And the world is a better place because of them and their humor! Humor is first of all to make us laugh but, it is secondly and, most importantly, to make us look into ourselves and make us think!! When subjects and words are banned we lose part of that opportunity and all we have left…is to laugh!
When we ban words and subjects, we stifle, retard, and pervert the growth of understanding and knowledge needed to get past the prejudices, stereotypes and misconceptions we have for each other. We shut down our thoughts, we shut down our feelings and we throw all the racism and hostility into the closet and keep it hidden in the dark! Then we let it grow and fester there in it’s ignorance and stupidity.
Pete
With my luck, I’ll probably die the day after I get my shit together.
I accept myself for who I am and what I believe, it is not my responsibility for you to accept me. That is your problem!
Life is better when you’re laughing.
It helps if you imagine auto correct as a tiny little elf in your phone who’s trying so hard to be helpful but is in fact quite drunk.
I’d love to give a shit, but my Shit Dispenser is broken. Would you like to try your luck on the Wheel of Sarcasm?
YOU KNOW WHAT’S FUNNY?
A LOT OF THINGS!
SO LIGHTEN THE HELL UP!
Dad: GO TO YOUR ROOM NOW!
Child: *Storms off* JIM MORRISON WAS OVERRATED!
Dad: WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT SLAMMING THE DOORS!?
I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you’re “being a respectful friend.” Do it at home and you’re “destroying evidence.”
For the first time in history, you can simply post, “He’s an idiot,” and 90% of the world will know whom you’re talking about.
Wow! Check out those prices!!!
Laughter is the best medicine, but if you laugh for no reason, you need medicine.
I’m going to finish today’s issue out with a short collection of dragon memes sent to me by dear Stephanie. I will say this didn’t go as bad as I thought it would. I was put together with the WordPress interface. I was a pain in the ass and took a long time, but I suppose it could have been worse.
I discovered some short cuts along the way, so we’ll see if I can’t speed up as I go.
Love and happiness to you all. Until we meet again.
Dragon Laffs 