Good Morning Campers,

Right up front, I want to say how proud I am of you readers who have rallied around Helen who shared with us in the comments how she, too is not having a good holiday season as her husband has recently been diagnosed with leukemia. Helen, we are so very sorry for you and your husband and will of course keep you both in our prayers and best wishes.  Helen, please let us know if there is anything that we, as a community can do to help you guys out.

We’ll get to some of the other comments further into the issue, but for now, why don’t we get into the good stuff, shall we? 

The public gate outside the headquarters of Dragon Laffs, LTD.

Daughter:  Dad, I have a flat tire!  

Dad:  Can’t you call your husband?  

Daughter:  I tried, he didn’t answer.  

Dad:  Do you have a spare?  

Daughter:  He didn’t answer either.

I think I’ve said just about every one of these in the last week.

The OMICRON VARIANT reportedly has mild symptoms like soreness and exhaustion.  The same thing you’d feel after a hard days work…

No wonder liberals are terrified of it.

Just what every girl wants to find in her stocking

So, David D writes:  At least you’ll have the weekend to get an issue out before your surgery on Monday.  Well, technically, this is true.  And I will be a total wreck by then, so I won’t have anything else to do either, so there’s that, as well., so … good point.  And once I’m back home and recovering, I’ll have a lot of free time, so I SHOULD be able to put out a bunch of extra issues, so there’s that, too.  So, we’ll have to see.  I know I’ll have physical therapy to go to and things like that, but I should have some extra time.

I hate the Kay commercials, “Every kiss begins with Kay.”  No, that’s a lie.  They usually begin with beer or vodka.

I really can’t think of a single thing to say … you could say that I’m tongue tied.

Okay, so Willow Dragon met her first cat this morning.  Now, mind you, Willow is growing like an unwanted weed in a bed of flowers.  She’s up to almost 40 lbs and she’s only a little over 5 months old.  She’s a big girl.  Well, we went out back this morning to do our morning business and there was a little gray cat curled up in the cold on our back bench on our little pergola.  She never even noticed as she ran by the first time.  Although the cat noticed us.  After doing her thing, Willow came running back and the cat had stood up and was meowing and of course this caught Willow’s attention.  She stopped, backed up and started growling and barking.  I thought she was going to take off after the cat.  The cat just sat there and meowed politely.  Willow, on the other hand, raised all the hair on her back, ran and hid behind me while she barked and then ran for the back door.  She was terrified of this poor little frozen kitty.  Now, had Pepper gone out there, Pepper would have chased her to the fence line and bit her little ass if she could have caught her.  But Pepper is upstairs, curled up with Izzy Dragon and couldn’t be bothered to go outside at such an ungodly hour of the morning.  I laughed so hard that this big old puppy, that outweighs this cat at least 10 to 1 is scared to death of it.  I wish I could have brought the poor little thing inside, but I can’t.  Mary and Izzy are both terribly allergic, and it does have a collar and belongs to someone in the neighborhood.  It’s in our yard all the time, but never for this long.  It normally goes home by now.  It’s been out on our bench for several hours now. 

My brain says, “Let’s do something exciting today.” My body says, “Don’t listen to that fool.”

I don’t have an advent calendar, so I’m just opening cupboard doors and eating whatever’s in there.

I recently took a pole:  99% of people were annoyed when their tents fell down.

This next one is great.  Thanks to Stephanie for sharing it with the rest of us.  I think that every teenager should have to memorize these rules and be able to recite them to any adult that asks at any time.  Except that there are a bunch of “adults” that I know that need to memorize these as well.

My wife was mad at me for my addiction to the Monkees.  I thought she was joking. 

But then I saw her face. 

Now I’m a Believer.

I ran twice yesterday. 

First, I ran out of bacon.  Then, I ran to get some more.

I was drinking at a bar last night so I took a bus home. 

That may not seem like a big deal to you, but I’ve never driven a bus before.

Trump Supporter Hands Cashier $20, Cops Called When He Sees Back

NONE DECEMBER 07, 2021

A Trump-supporter went out for a bite to eat with a few friends at a Texas restaurant. After finishing their meal, he went to the register to pay with a single $20 bill. Much to his surprise, the cashier was a liberal, who quickly called the cops after seeing what was on the back of the money that he was just handed.

David Hill posted an account of an ordeal on Facebook, explaining the unexpected chain of events he was met with when he wanted to spend some time with his buddies at an unnamed Texas restaurant. After deciding where to meet, Hill and his friends headed to a local eatery to enjoy some conversation and a few laughs. However, things would take a turn when it was time to pay the bill.

“Unknowingly, the $20 bill I had in my wallet had ‘Trump Lives Here’ written in permanent marker on the White House,” Hill explained. However, those three words were all it took for all hell to break loose with the employee, who was none too pleased to see what was written on the bill.

“The cashier looks at it and says, ‘I can’t take this money, it’s invalid because it’s been defaced,’” Hill recalled. Stunned, he asked if the cashier was serious only to be left even more shocked when the liberal firmly held his ground, asking if the customer had another form of payment.

At that point, it was a matter of principle, so Hill stuck to his guns as well, telling the cashier that the cash was all he had on him. Leaving the customer even more aghast, the cashier suggested Hill go to a nearby ATM, get some more money, and return to the restaurant to settle the tab. Frustrated, David simply looked the employee in the eye and said, “Nope, the money works, you can take it.”

With the two at a deadlock, the employee threatened to call the police, but the threat was welcomed by the Trump supporter. As a small group of onlookers gathered, a police officer arrived and asked the usual question: “What seems to be the problem here?”

Before Hill could respond, the cashier piped up with a bold accusation. “This man is attempting to pass counterfeit currency which has been defaced, and I’m not accepting it,” he told the officer. Of course, the cop demanded to see the bill, but the cashier didn’t get the reaction that he had hoped for after the officer took a closer look at the money.

“Son, there are millions of bills with writing on them, and it is valid currency, so kindly take it and give the gentleman his change,” the officer informed the employee after examining the bill. But, things were far from over.

Shocking everyone, including Hill and the responding police officer, the cashier replied, “Nope. I’m not taking it.” When the officer asked why not, the employee revealed his motives. “Because anything with Trump’s name on it disgusts me, he’s not my President,” the employee declared. Things weren’t going to go in his favor, though.

After pausing for a second, the cop said, “Ok here’s the deal, take the money and give the gentleman his proper change or his lunch is free today because he’s trying to pay you for the meal.” Much to everyone’s surprise, the liberal cashier would rather give the Trump-supporter a free meal than take the money, so he refused the payment again.

Seeing that the employee wasn’t going to change his mind, the officer turned to Hill and said, “Have a nice day sir, you are free to go.” Then, he turned to the cashier with a warning. “I guess when word gets out that meals are free if Trump’s name is written on a $20 bill on The White House, this place will get swamped with people wanting to eat for free,” the officer pointed out. What’s more, when his boss finds out he’s been costing the business money due to his personal political motivation, he’s likely to be out of a job.

While defacing a bill is frowned upon, as it turns out, this cop knew what he was talking about. According to U.S. code 18 U.S. Code § 333, it’s technically only illegal to deface money to the point that it is “rendered unusable.” Since this was only written on and the bill could still do its job, it was legal tender, meaning that a cashier would have to take it.

Furthermore, if you are working with the public, you need to learn to leave your own political bias at home and treat all paying customers the same. This employee should have taken the cash, just like Hill would have to accept his change if it had a message plastered on it that he didn’t like.

And that’s it for today my friends, may you have wonderful start to you week.  Love and happiness to you all.

Good Morning Campers, 

Okay, so I have news.  Time to lay it all out for you guys.  Here’s what’s going on.  My hip replacement surgery is the very last surgery scheduled for the year and is set for 27 December at 0730, which means our show time at the hospital is 0530.  I’m pretty sure that my Doc scheduled ONLY me for the day and he did it so that it would still fall during this calendar year for insurance purposes, but after Christmas so as not to interfere with our Christmas.  (Even though we aren’t having one this year because of everything that’s going on, it’s still awfully sweet of him to do it that way)  Mrs. Dragon is very happy that I will be able to drive there at oh dark hundred in the morning.  I have to have a COVID test on the 22nd to prove that I’m not sick at their “special” clinic. 

On the 29th, the same day I figure I ought to be going home out of the hospital, Mrs. Dragon has 3 tests that need to be run on her, one of which, a chemically induced cardio stress test, is going to leave her to the point where SHE can’t drive, so we have a friend who is going to spend the day with her and may have to bring BOTH of us home. 

Then, while I’m recovering (8-12 weeks according to the doctor including physical therapy, but I’m betting I’m back to work in 6 to 8 weeks) Mrs. Dragon has to see a heart specialist in the third week of January and then the very next day a bladder specialist.  Both of which are an hour and a half away in Indianapolis.  She also has to see a liver specialist who hasn’t gotten a hold of us yet.  Now, this is all before I’m allowed to be back behind the wheel again and I’m the normal driver in the family.  She will NOT go to these doctors without me (and I don’t want her to) so I either become the world’s most awesome navigator/cheerleader while she drives or I break all the rules (like I did with my knee surgery) and drive before I am supposed to. 

Not to mention all the normal appointments we are all (including Izzy Dragon) are going to have plus the (if I remember correctly) 3 times a week physical therapy.  And all the crazy co-pays that go along with all this stuff that God alone knows where is going to come from. 

So, to all of you who have written and said that you can’t believe the crappy luck and how it’s all piled on…you are right.  I can’t believe it either.  It’s gotta be a test of faith, because I’ve ALWAYS insisted that God will see us through, because he always has and I’m sure he always will.  There has always been a path and it’s always come out the other side.  Just because I can’t see it this time doesn’t mean that it isn’t there.  I know it’s there and I know with the prayers, well wishes, and love of friends, family, and fellow campers like you all, I don’t have anything at all to worry about. 

So, with all of that being said and off my chest, why don’t we get this Christmas season started with some laughter and some fun!   

Being an adult is so stupid.  My friend is coming over and I’m excited to show her my new shower curtain.

I keep thinking, “Oh man, I’m so immature.  How am I allowed to be an adult?” 

Then I spend time with teenagers, and it’s like, “Wow, okay, yeah.  I am an adult.  I am so an adult.  Look at me adulting all over the place.”

Just one little kiss…under the mistletoe…

And I have some more news…my buddy from darts and from work, the electrician, came to my rescue.  The beautiful, wonderful man came to my rescue.  He told me exactly what I needed to buy, I went to the store, bought exactly what he told me and he had the whole thing fixed in about 20 minutes.  He acted like it was no big deal.  I told him for someone with a life time of expertise in his knowledge area, it was no big deal, for a former bomb loader and current CBRN Survival Instructor, Emergency Manager, and Dragon I would still be trying to fix it, would have burned down the house and would be sitting on the curb out front in tears.  Thank the dear Lord for good friends and family.  And all he wanted for his trouble was a kiss.  I don’t know that’s what he wanted, but that’s what he got…from me…today…at work…in front of all the guys…he seemed a bit embarrassed.  I don’t know why.

Wow!  Paul K. sent this to me and … well, these are his words, so I’ll let him tell it: 

   Just came across this (IMPORTANT WATCH)

  This is amazing, it is Ronald Reagan in the 1964.  I don’t usually send out political things except jokes. This is NOT Democrat or Republican, it’s our freedom. 

  What foresight, If I didn’t tell you who it was and you didn’t recognize the voice or see him, you would think it was written yesterday.

  It’s about 4 1/2 minutes long and a must watch.

   Paul.

Wow!  You’d think he was talking about today!

Hey!  I recognize those nipples!

I’m in THERAPY. 

To learn how to deal with people who should be in THERAPY.

Not to brag…

But I’ve been avoiding people long before the virus outbreak started.

The world is full of monsters with friendly faces and angels full of scars.

Boy, ain’t THAT the truth!

Me in January:  [stuffing tangled lights and broken ornaments into unlabeled boxes] Problem for another day!  

Me in December:  Son of a bitch!

Be extra careful on the roads with Christmas around the corner.  A lot of men will be drinking and getting their wives to drive.

Actually heard some of this on the radio, but this is a pretty nice, concise list.  Thanks to Pete for sending it in.

Feminine hygiene products, socks, can openers, powdered milk, things that can be made by adding water only, things that can just be warmed up.

Even though it’s Christmas time, I still have to do some of these, both because they are funny as hell and also because if I don’t I’ll be so over run with them that I’ll never get caught up.

So…they can’t locate illegals for deportation, but they can find them to give them money.

Socialists say I should stop confusing socialism with communism.  I say socialists should stop confusing my money with their money.

If you still hate Trump after the shit show we’ve been living the last several months, your commitment to stupidity is truly impressive.

Okay, so I fucked up.  I’m ashamed to admit this, but I completely lost track of the days of the week.  I guess stress will do that to you.  I honestly thought yesterday was Wednesday and it was Thursday and I completely missed my deadline to post for Thursday’s issue, which is why you guys didn’t get an issue on Thursday and why you are getting this one on Saturday instead.  Yes, I really do understand how incredibly stupid that sounds, but I’m going back to…

So, it’s just as well, I guess.  It’s been a crazy fucking week.  So…yeah, pretty normal.  I’m actually looking forward to the surgery so I can get 6 plus weeks of sitting on my ass and not worrying about anything except healing.  Yeah, who am I kidding, I’ll find plenty of shit to worry about. 

But, still. 

There will be less. 

Won’t there? 

Anyway, now that that’s out of the way, let’s get a few more laughs in before the cavern collapses or the minotaur who lives downstairs gets cranky or something else happens. 

I’m so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I’m saying.

And that’s it my friends.  Till next time we meet.  Love and happiness to you all. 

Cheers! 

Impish Dragon

Good Morning Campers, 

So I’m not going to apologize for my meltdown, mostly because it’s been continuing for the last couple of days, so yeah.  But, it’s getting better.  Or maybe I’m getting used to it.  Just goes to show you that you can get used to anything if you let yourself. 

So, here’s the plan …

and we’re sticking to the damn plan … 

are we PERFECTLY CLEAR on this? 

What? 

What’s the plan? 

Oh yeah… sorry.  The plan…

WE’RE GOING TO LAUGH!

As a gentleman I know when to hold the door and your hand, but I also know when to pull your hair and pin you against the wall.  

And you boys out there need to learn.  Signed: A gentleman

Scary          As          Fuck!

Still a little pissed I can’t fly or set things on fire with my mind.

And Friggin’ Pete has done it again.  He has sent me something that has brought a tear to my eye and lifted up my heart.  Thanks for sharing this one Pete.  One of my own favorite movies.

It’s that time of year again, if you love “It’s a Wonderful Life” you should really read what Jimmy Stewart had to say about it.

Jimmy Stewart Remembers “It’s a Wonderful Life”

By Jimmy Stewart

A friend told me recently that seeing a movie I made over 50 years ago is a holiday tradition in his family “like putting up the Christmas tree.” That movie is “It’s a Wonderful Life,” and out of all the 80 films I’ve made, it’s my favorite. But it has an odd history.

When the war was over in 1945, I came back home to California from three years’ service in the Air Force. I had been away from the film business, my MGM contract had run out, and frankly, not knowing how to get started again, I was just a little bit scared. Hank Fonda was in the same boat, and we sort of wandered around together, talking, flying kites and stuff. But nothing much was happening. Then one day Frank Capra phoned me. The great director had also been away in service, making the “Why We Fight” documentary series for the military, and he admitted to being a little frightened too. But he had a movie in mind, so we met to talk about it. He said the idea came from a Christmas story written by Philip Van Doren Stern. Stern couldn’t sell the story anywhere, but he finally had 200 twenty-four- page pamphlets printed up at his own expense, and he gave them to his friends as a greeting card. “Now listen,” Frank began hesitantly. He seemed a little embarrassed about what he was going to say. “The story starts in heaven, and it’s sort of the Lord telling somebody to go down to earth because there’s a fellow who’s in trouble, and this heavenly being goes to a small town, and …”

Frank swallowed and took a deep breath. “Well, what it boils down to is, this fella who thinks he’s a failure in life jumps off a bridge. The Lord sends down an angel named Clarence, who hasn’t earned his wings yet, and Clarence jumps into the water to save the guy. But the angel can’t swim, so the guy has to save him, and then …” Frank stopped and took a deep breath. “This doesn’t tell very well, does it?” I jumped up. “Frank, if you want to do a picture about a guy who jumps off a bridge and an angel named Clarence who hasn’t won his wings yet coming down to save him, well, I’m your man!”

Production of “It’s a Wonderful Life” started April 15, 1946, and from the beginning there was a certain something special about the film. Even the set was special. Two months had been spent creating the town of Bedford Falls, New York. For the winter scenes, the special-effects department invented a new kind of realistic snow instead of using the traditional white cornflakes. As one of the longest American movie sets ever made until then, Bedford Falls had 75 stores and buildings on four acres with a three-block main street lined with 20 full grown oak trees. As I walked down that shady street the morning we started work, it reminded me of my hometown, Indiana, Pennsylvania. I almost expected to hear the bells of the Presbyterian church, where Mother played the organ and Dad sang in the choir. I chuckled, remembering how the fire siren would go off, and Dad, a volunteer fireman, would slip out of the choir loft. If it was a false alarm, Dad would sneak back and sort of give a nod to everyone to assure them that none of their houses was in danger. I remembered how, after I got started in pictures, Dad, who’d come to California for a visit, asked, “Where do you go to church around here?” “Well, ” I stammered, “I haven’t been going … There’s none around here.” Dad disappeared and came back with four men. “You must not have looked very hard, Jim,” he said, “because there’s a Presbyterian church just three blocks from here, and these are the elders. They’re building a new building now, and I told them you were a movie star and you would help them.” And so Brentwood Presbyterian was the first church I belonged to out here. Later that church was the one in which Gloria and I were married. A few years after that it was the same church I’d slip into during the day when Gloria was near death after our twin girls were born. Then, after we moved, we attended Beverly Hills Presbyterian, a church we could walk to. It wasn’t the elaborate movie set, however, that made “It’s a Wonderful Life” so different; much of it was the story.

The character I played was George Bailey, an ordinary kind of fella who thinks he’s never accomplished anything in life. His dreams of becoming a famous architect, of traveling the world and living adventurously, have not been fulfilled. Instead he feels trapped in a humdrum job in a small town. And when faced with a crisis in which he feels he has failed everyone, he breaks under the strain and flees to the bridge. That’s when his guardian angel, Clarence, comes down on Christmas Eve to show him what his community would be like without him. The angel takes him back through his life to show how our ordinary everyday efforts are really big achievements. Clarence reveals how George Bailey’s loyalty to his job at the building-and- loan office has saved families and homes, how his little kindnesses have changed the lives of others, and how the ripples of his love will spread through the world, helping make it a better place.

Good as the script was, there was still something else about the movie that made it different. It’s hard to explain. I, for one, had things happen to me during the filming that never happened in any other picture I’ve made. In one scene, for example George Bailey is faced with unjust criminal charges and, not knowing where to turn, ends up in a little roadside restaurant. He is unaware that most of the people in town are arduously praying for him. In this scene, at the lowest point in George Bailey’s life, Frank Capra was shooting a long shot of me slumped in despair. In agony I raised my eyes and, following the script, pled, “God … God … Dear Father in heaven, I’m not a praying man, but if You’re up there and You can hear me, show me the way. I’m at the end of my rope. Show me the way, God …”

As I said those words, I felt the loneliness, the hopelessness of people who had nowhere to turn, and my eyes filled with tears. I broke down sobbing. This was not planned at all, but the power of that prayer, the realization that our Father in heaven is there to help the hopeless, had reduced me to tears. Frank, who loved spontaneity in his films, was ecstatic. He wanted a close-up of me saying that prayer, but was sensitive enough to know that my breaking down was real and that repeating it in another take was unlikely. But Frank got his close-up anyway. The following week he worked long hours in the film laboratory, again and again enlarging the frames of that scene so that eventually it would appear as a close-up on the screen. I believe nothing like this had ever been done before. It involved thousands of individual enlargements with extra time and money. But he felt it was worth it.

There was a growing excitement among all of us as we strove day and night through the early summer of 1946. We threw everything we had into our work. Finally, after three months, shooting some 68 miles of 35-millimeter film we completed the filming and had a big wrap-up party for everyone. It was an outdoor picnic with three-legged races and burlap-bag sprints, just like the picnics back home in Pennsylvania.

At the outing, Frank talked enthusiastically about the picture. He felt that the film as well as the actors would be up for Academy Awards. Both of us wanted it to win, not only because we believed in its message, but also for the reassurance we needed in this time of starting over.

But life doesn’t always work out the way we want it to. The movie came out in December 1946, and from the beginning we could tell it was not going to be the success we’d hoped for. The critics had mixed reactions. Some liked it (“a human drama of essential truth”); others felt it “too sentimental … a figment of simple Pollyanna platitudes.”

As more reviews came out, our hopes sank lower and lower. During early February 1947, eight other current films including “Sinbad the Sailor” and Betty Grable’s “The Shocking Miss Pilgrim,” outranked it in box-office income. The postwar public seemed to prefer lighthearted fare. At the end of 1947, “It’s a Wonderful Life” ranked 27th in earnings among the releases that season. And although it earned several Oscar nominations, despite our high hopes, it won nothing. “Best picture for 1946” went to “The Best Years of Our Lives.” By the end of 1947 the film was quietly put on the shelf. But a curious thing happened. The movie simply refused to stay on the shelf. Those who loved it loved it a lot, and they must have told others. They wouldn’t let it die any more than the angel Clarence would let George Bailey die. When it began to be shown on television, a whole new audience fell in love with it. Today, after some 50 years, I’ve heard the film called “an American cultural phenomenon.” Well, maybe so, but it seems to me there is nothing phenomenal about the movie itself. It’s simply about an ordinary man who discovers that living each ordinary day honorably, with faith in God and a selfless concern for others, can make for a truly wonderful life.

And I heard him exclaim as he held up his flagon;

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good Dragon.

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. 

I’ll let you know…

I do not burn bridges.  I just loosen the bolts a little bit each day.

So, I had a chance to talk to the Owl (my brother) on the phone for several hours last night.  And although he is by no means doing good, he is doing better.  He’s not in the hospital, they let him go home and he’s feeling better.  Not good, but better.  So, we are going to do my surgeries first.  Not that I’ve heard from the surgeon yet.  I really thought I would have this week, but I didn’t.  Maybe by the time you guys are reading this, I will have.  I REALLY need to have this done before the end of the year so that the insurance will pay for as much of it as possible and so that I can get it the hell out of the way.  I’m gonna have to set up some sort of payment anyway, cause what are they going to do, take the hip back?  But, one problem at a time. 

Anyway, that’s all the update I have for you guys right now.  Trying to keep you guys up to date and in the loop. 

Now, back to our show.

I’m pretty sure I left my phone back in the restaurant … can you go back and check for me?

Here’s to the magnificent women who love to ride motorcycles and aren’t afraid to pee in the woods!

Being “Clean and Sober” means I’ve showered and I’m headed to the Liquor Store.

 

We all place ourselves in danger to one degree or another when we stand up…

but we place our children and our grandchildren in even greater danger when we don’t.

Anyone remember the good ol’ days, before Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter? When you had to take a photo of your dinner, then get the film developed, then go around to all your friends’ houses to show them the picture of your dinner? 

No? 

Me neither. 

Stop it.

Make sure everybody in your “boat” is rowing and not drilling holes when you’re not looking. 

Know your circle.

Spent a long two days on my poor aching body teaching, so let’s throw a bunch of these out there so I can wrap this thing up

I want to say a fast thank you to everyone who has offered up kind words and prayers on behalf of me and my family.  Thank you very much.  I know that we are just at the beginning of a long road with this and your help and well wishes are needed and deeply appreciated.  Thank you for all you do and for being part of my family and part of my heart.

Good Morning Campers, 

So, right now, we’re not going to talk about ANYTHING! Do you hear me people?  Nothing.  We ain’t talkin’ ’bout nuthin’!  I’m so damn stressed, I can’t stand it!  So, therefore, we’re going to laugh instead.  We’re going to laugh through the tears.  And press the fuck on! 

So, let’s go campers! 

There’s some more of those Google Street view pictures

WTF!  Okay, one more

Judge:  Do you understand that you have to tell the truth?  

Me:  Yes, your honor.  

Judge:  Do you swear?  

Me:  Every day, motherfucker.

I don’t know who needs to know this, but even if a bear wears socks and shoes, he still has bear feet. 

~ From my good buddy Jonathon J

 

I’ve just turned off The News and put on a Serial Killer Documentary to relax.

I don’t understand why people say such hurtful things like:

“Want to go for a run?”

or

“Try this kale.”

“Die!  Piggies, Die!” 

Well, it’s not like I have any news, anyway.

“Life laughs at you when you are unhappy.  Life smiles at you when you are happy.  But, Life salutes you when you make others happy. ~ Charlie Chaplin  

Charlie Chaplin is the SHIZZLE!  

The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it.  You either have to laugh or cry.  I prefer to laugh.  Crying gives me a headache.  ~ M.P. Hinkley

You guys are sending this stuff to me on purpose

I think the proper term for “senior” women should be:

Queen-agers. 

That is all.  Carry on.

Sigh.  The kitchen overhead light went out.  Like, completely out.  Died.  Kaput!  Dead.  Never to be used again.  I’m telling you, I’ve had enough.  I know that God will ALWAYS give us a path through everything that he places in front of us, but this one seems pretty convoluted.  Between Mrs. Dragon’s possible liver cancer and her heart problems and needing to see the new specialists, my needed surgeries (yes, that’s plural), my brother needing my kidney, and now the light fixture needing replaced, which is of course the LEAST of all this, but like the straw that broke the dragon’s back.  And Where In The Hell is the money for all of this supposed to come from?  I reached out to a dart brother who is also an electrician and pretty much cried to him on the phone and he is going to come over on Monday to look at the light and see what needs to be done.  Until then we will be in the dark in the kitchen.  Oh well, we’ll get by.  I’ll be teaching all weekend anyway.  I’m really trying to be strong for Mrs. Dragon, because if she starts worrying her blood pressure goes up and that makes everything for her, so instead, I’m writing it all out here and maybe I’ll just delete it all before I post this issue, since YOU GUYS don’t need this shit either, because you know DAMN!  I’VE HAD ENOUGH. 

Two weeks ago all I was worried about was keeping track of COVID for the base.  Hell, it hasn’t even BEEN two weeks.  I just went to the doctor complaining that it was getting harder and harder to sleep due to the pain.  Mrs. Dragon has been suffering her heart problems, but the rest of it was found with routine blood tests. 

Two fucking weeks. 

Where’s that damn time travel now when I need it? 

No, I haven’t been drinking.  Although I really need to, and maybe tonight is the night I should, but I worry that I might have to run Mrs. Dragon to the E.R. or something in the middle of the night or some shit … so I don’t. 

But, it’s now late and I have to work again tomorrow and teach all day on hard floors which means I’ll be in bad pain tomorrow night.  I have to decide whether to leave this bit in because you all are family and I love you or take it out because you don’t need this shit either.  You’ll know what I decide by either inclusion or omission when you either read it or don’t ever.  Anyway, here are a few more funnies and then I’m calling it a night.  

Well, I guess love wins out.  May your days be filled with Love and Happiness.  I’ll try and keep you guys in the loop.

Good Morning Campers, 

Well, I really thought I was going to have time to put together an issue for you guys.  I had the best of intentions.  But, over the last couple of days, life as I know it, has fallen apart.  I have rants, bitches, gripes, complaints, screams, frustrations … you name it, I’ve got them. 

My stress level is MAXED-THE-FUCKED-OUT!  

I STILL don’t have a date for my surgery, but that may all be a moot point.  My little brother is in kidney failure.  Well, his kidney’s HAVE failed.  My LAST little brother.  And he’s NOT a candidate for a donation.  Him and I have the same blood type.  Which means it’s me or nobody.  Okay, so there’s no question there.  I can put off my surgery.  Pain and I are old friends, I’ve been saying that for years, what’s another couple of weeks or whatever. 

But now Mrs. Dragon needs three new tests and two different specialists.  She has, along with her fucked up heart, a significantly raised tumor marker in her last blood test for her also fucked up liver.  Doctor wants her to have a liver scan, carotid scan (strange sounds in her neck) and a chemical stress test.  Wants her to see the liver specialist and a new heart specialist. 

And if all of that isn’t bad enough, we were due a $330 refund from AT&T since August and those lying fucking thieves have not only not paid us, but have come up with lie after lie that we have fought back on and fought back on and fought back on and all after they took two months of payments out of our account AFTER we stopped DIRECT TV.  So, they basically STOLE money from us and have made excuses for NOT returning OUR money back to us.  For four months they have kept OUR money and now, instead of getting it back, we are “supposedly” getting a $120 refund in the form of a VISA gift card that was processed last week and due to shortages in employees might take up to 6 weeks to get here.  We are already not having a Christmas around here because of all the fucking medical bills and all the rest of the shit that’s going on, and now we have thieves stealing from us!  I told them on the phone tonight that I wasn’t rich enough to hire a lawyer to fight back, but that I did own a blog and I would tell everyone who would listen that I have been with AT&T for over 30 years and it used to be that they were one of the greatest companies in the world, but over the last several years, they have been just like all the rest of them.  They don’t care about their customers.  They lie and cheat and steal, just like the rest of them.  There is no such thing as customer service any more and as soon as I can I am going to drop everything that I have that is AT&T and whoever will give me the best deal and treat me right, they will get my business and they I will praise until they treat me badly.  AT&T, I gave you chance after chance after chance and you let me down.  You should be ashamed. 

Well,  I can’t say that I’m any less stressed.  I can’t say that I’m any less angry.  But after sharing with you guys, I at least don’t feel like I’m going to go off and burn down a village somewhere.  Although I can understand why Smog did what he did. 

I will try to keep you guys in the loop with my brother, with my surgery, and with Mrs. Dragon and I just know that your prayers will be sent my way and I deeply appreciate every one of them.  For the time being and for the next hour or so, why don’t we try to do a little laughing before I have to go to bed and start another day of trudging through the world.

  

You might want to move that sign back just a bit

Why was Darth Vader referred to as Lord Vader? 

Because calling him Master Vader made all the Stormtroopers giggle.

I LOVE this one … even though I’ve probably used it before:  

How do you milk sheep? 

Bring out a new iPhone and charge $1,000 for it.

I really don’t mind getting older, but my body is taking it badly.

BOOBYTRAP backwards is PARTYBOOB.  

Just sayin’

When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to find out they are not it.

LSHMSFOAIDMT = Laughing So Hard My Sombrero Falls Off And I Drop My Taco

My son, who’s into astronomy, asked me how stars die. 

“Usually an overdose, son,” I told him.

Never in the history of calming down has anyone ever calmed down by being told to calm down.

“I work with animals,” the guy says to his date. 

“That’s so sweet,” she replies.  “I love a man who cares about animals.  Where do you work?” 

“I’m a butcher,” he says.

Do babies named “Karen” even exist or do they suddenly appear at age 40 and want to speak to the manager?

Google Maps

And more Google Maps

I thought I was just in a bad mood, but it’s been a few years so I guess this is who I am now.

Google Maps, I have questions…

God:  You’re a fire ant. 

Fire Ant:  What does that mean?  

God:  When you bite something it burns like fire.  

Fire Ant: [Gasp!] You mean I’m a dragon?  

God:  What? No.  

Fire Ant:  I’m the teensiest dragon!

Okay, so like What The Fuck Google Maps?! 

Okay, so that’s more than an hour, but that’s all I’ve got and for that I’m sorry, but they did cheer me up and I hope you too.  I’m working this weekend and I hope to put something together for Saturday since it will be doubtful for Monday, but like I said, I will keep you guys posted on what’s  going on, even if it’s through the app on my phone. 

Love and happiness to you all.