And here we are back around to another day.  My dearest friends and family, this is for you.  You are the reason I do this.  You are the reason I put effort into…okay, you get the idea.

Anyway, I didn’t make it to church on Sunday like I wanted to, but I DID make it to my Group Grief Therapy last night, and that was after only one week out from my surgery.  I actually drove myself there.  Which was  not near as hard as I thought it would be.  It was, after all, my left leg that was operated on and all the driving is done with your right leg since I don’t have a manual transmission.  So, it was all good.  I stopped the pain pills a few days ago, so there was no impairment issues, either.

And also as of today, I’m pretty much done with my walker and using my cane, except for long distances.  But, around the house and going out to get the mail…I’ve even taken the dogs out a few times on my cane.  The problem with that is that my puppy, Willow Dragon, is a friggin’ BEAST!  She pulls against the leash, even the expanding one and I have to be really careful that she doesn’t pull against me and pop my hip out or pull me over.  So, instead, I have to be ready to let go if it looks like she’s going too fast and won’t stop and will do me damage.  As big as a beast as she is, she still isn’t a year old yet.  But, so far so good.

Anyway, let’s get to the good part of the show, shall we? 

Our dear friend of the show, Friggin’ Pete, came up with a really good question.  He wrote and said, “Don’t you find it kinda odd that Jeffery Epstein was a pedophile who had an island where he took young girls for sex.  He flew tons of major male personalities to that island including top Political Leaders, Major Actors, Billionaires, Business Leaders, Media Personalities and the rich and powerful people from all walks of life.

AND the only one in jail for any of it……is a woman…” 

Yeah, I do find it odd.  And I find it odd that it has all been buried and hidden away and no one has heard a word about it with everything else that’s going on in the world.  Can you imagine if it was a Republican who had done the things that he was accused of, there wouldn’t be a day gone by that we wouldn’t be hearing about it.  Just like Hunter’s laptop.  I can’t believe the pile of bullshit that has become.  There is such a double standard in this world that it sickens me.

“Life is not the way it’s supposed to be – it’s the way it is.

The way you cope with it is what makes the difference” 

After his plane was hit and he was forced to eject, the Marine fighter pilot finally regained consciousness. He was in a hospital in a lot of pain.

He found himself in the ICU with tubes/IV drips in both arms, a breathing mask, wires monitoring every function and a nurse hovering over him looking worried.

It was obvious he was in a life-threatening situation.

The nurse gave him a serious look, straight into his eyes. Knowing he was not only a fighter pilot, but a Marine, she spoke to him softly and slowly, enunciating each word:

“You may not feel anything from the waist down.”

Somehow he managed to mumble in reply, “Can I feel your tits, then?”

And that, my friends, is a real positive attitude.

I’ve just invented a telepathically controlled air freshener.

Makes scents when you think about it.

“Lined up in attack formation…”

It’s like my mom always told me…

“You might not be the dumbest guy in the world, but you better hope he doesn’t die.”

These days, my idea of living dangerously is going grocery shopping without a list.

I love this!

The Original Charlie’s Angels

There are still so many people who buy into this one.

I just got a full tank of gas for $22.  Granted, it was for my lawn mower, but I am trying to stay positive here.

And here’s a weird one, sent in by Leah D…it’s the “Anti-Fascist Blues” by Five Times August

Yes!  Beware!  Be very … um … ware…

My daughter asked me what it’s like to have kids, so I interrupted her every 11 seconds until she cried.

I correct autocorrect more than autocorrect corrects me.

Some people are afraid to be corny.

Not me.  I live life on the cob, baby.

Math Teacher:  If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have? 

Student:  A drinking problem.

When someone asks, “Where do you see yourself in 10 years…”

Buddy, I’m just trying to make it to Friday.

You ever had garbage in one hand but you accidentally throw out the thing that you want in your other hand?

LOL!

Anyways, the baby’s ok.

If you don’t get the reference you are really young.

One great thing about Texas heat…

You can guarantee no one is waiting in your backseat to kill you.

And if you don’t get this one, well…then I’m just sorry for you.

When you die, people cry and beg for you to come back…

but, when you do, there’s the running and screaming…

Let’s finish out today’s episode with a couple of more comments, shall we?  This one is from Joe:

Can I tell you guys right up front how great you guys are?  I honestly don’t think that there is a blog/ezine/on-line community anywhere that can compare to the likes of you.  You have been SO supportive of me and understanding of what I’m going through, how can that compare to any where else?  AND you have been supportive of each other.  When one of you makes a comment in the comment section about having an issue or a problem, there is always someone who offers up support and well wishes.  I am honored and blessed to have you guys as readers and contributors to this website. 

Thank you.

So, today is Father’s Day, even though you guys will be reading this the day after that or so.  Fathers are so very important.  Mothers are special and hold a deep and sacred spot in all our hearts, but Fathers are important.  Did you know that in a household without a Father, the child is five times more likely to grow up in poverty and commit crime; nine times more likely to drop out of schools, and twenty times more likely to end up in prison.  Everyone agrees how important it is to have a loving mother at home, but those statistics only appear in a fatherless household.  They disappear in a traditional mother and father or a single parent – father only household.  So, like I said, FATHERHOOD IS AN IMPORTANT, EVEN SACRED DUTY!  Children need a father figure.  It doesn’t have to be a blood father, it can be an adoptive father, father figure, or some masculine person to look up to.  Look inside yourself and see if you are doing all you can to fulfill your fatherly responsibilities to the young people around you.

 

Today, Monday, when you’re actually likely reading this, (if I can get this done on Sunday night) is the Juneteenth holiday…and I’m not really sure what I’m supposed to say about that.  It is actually today, Sunday, but celebrated on Monday. 

“Juneteenth is a federal holiday in the United States commemorating the emancipation of enslaved African Americans. Juneteenth marks the anniversary of the announcement of General Order No. 3 by Union Army general Gordon Granger on June 19, 1865, proclaiming freedom for enslaved people in Texas.^[7] Originating in Galveston, the holiday has since been celebrated annually on June 19 in various parts of the United States, often broadly celebrating African-American culture. The day was first recognized as a federal holiday in June 2021, when President Joe Biden signed the Juneteenth National Independence Day Act into law.^[8][9] The Juneteenth flag is a symbol of the Juneteenth holiday.”

And before I get around to telling on myself for doing things that I wasn’t supposed to do, let’s get started on the fun and laughter part of this parade, shall we?

Um…yeah, we are?

After my funeral, I want one of my friends to take my phone and text everyone “Thanks for coming”

“She is master of all she surveys.  And I’m here to make sure that happens.”

Restaurant toilets are so dangerous!!

So many of my dates have gone to use them and vanished!

I lost a friend to marijuana once.

I found him two hours later at Waffle House.

Grammar.

The difference between feeling your nuts and feeling you’re nuts.

The difference between helping your Uncle Jack off the horse and helping your Uncle Jack, off the horse.

“Yes, Miriam, I have the letter opener, bring me today’s mail.”

That moment when you look around at all the stuff that needs to be done and feel so overwhelmed that you sit down and leisurely scroll through your phone instead.

I hate this virtual doctor stuff.  I went on one about a prostate exam.

Now, I can’t find my phone…

Had a bit of a theme going there for a minute, didn’t we?

And a father figure.

I don’t think I know of anyone with a 3D printer THAT big.  But, it is cool!  And yes, I have watched Treehouse Masters.  It was one of Mary’s favorite shows.  We spent many an hour watching them turn ordinary clusters of trees into beautiful homes in the sky.  And I believe you are right about the differences between gazeboes, pavilions, and pergolas.  I have a pergola in my backyard.  Thanks for sharing.

Okay, as an Emergency Manager, I found this article extremely interesting.  A candle that produces oxygen.  And not just a little oxygen.  Enough for four people for up to 20 hours.  But, read it here.  It’s not long: https://minearc.com/oxygen-candles-providing-emergency-air/

– As I’ve grown older, I’ve learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

– I’m responsible for what I say, not what you understand.

– Common sense is like deodorant — The people who need it the most never use it.

– My tolerance for idiots is extremely low these days. I used to have some immunity built up, but obviously there’s a new strain out there.

– It’s not my age that bothers me; it’s the side effects.

– I’m not saying I’m old and worn out, but I make sure I’m nowhere near the curb on trash day.

– As I watch this generation try and rewrite our history, I’m sure of one thing: It will be misspelled and have no punctuation.

– As I’ve gotten older, people think I’ve become lazy. The truth is I’m just being more energy efficient.

– If you find yourself feeling useless, remember it took 20 years, trillions of dollars, and four presidents to replace the Taliban with the Taliban.

– Turns out that being a “senior” is mostly just googling how to do stuff.

– I want to be 18 again and ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.

– I’m on two diets. I wasn’t getting enough food on one.

– I put my scale in the bathroom corner and that’s where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.

– My mind is like an internet browser. At least 19 open tabs, 3 of them are frozen, and I have no clue where the music is coming from.

– Hard to believe I once had a phone attached to a wall, and when it rang, I picked it up without knowing who was calling.

– Sometimes the Universe puts you in the same situation again to see if you’ve learned anything.

– There is no such thing as a grouchy old person. The truth is that once you get old, you stop being polite and start being honest.

Remember when we were little and had underwear with the days of the week on them?  Yeah.  Those would be helpful right now.

Guys I need your help!  In the middle of an argument with my wife, she told me that I’m right.  What the hell do I do next?

Weight Of Million Dollars

And we’re going to end it here today with a huge thank you to all of you out there for the love and caring that has come this way.  Know that it has been sent back your way as well.  Be well, until we meet again.  Tomorrow, I have Grief Group so I probably won’t get another issue out until Wednesday or so.  So, until then.

 

I meant to tell you guys something, yesterday.  Yesterday, and I’m not sure which yesterday this will end up being for you guys so, Thursday, 16 Jun 22, was the 16th Anniversary of Dragon Laffs!

Sixteen years of playing games with you guys.  Sweet Sixteen!

It’s been an amazing trip my friends, truly it has been.  And here’s to another 16 years of fun and mayhem!  Who’s with me?  Yay!!!  [Runs off stage to the sound of thunderous applause] (or) [Runs off stage to the sound of thunderous crickets] (please circle the appropriate response)

So, yeah, feeling pretty good again today.  Got another decent night’s sleep.  Pain level is at a reasonable height. And I’m moving around quite well.  I actually made it out to the back pergola and read and smoked a cigar.  That might not sound like much to you guys, but it’s five steps down the back porch and then two BIG steps up the pergola!  And then sat in the HOT sun (but I was under the cool shade with a nice breeze, early before it got too hot).  I managed to bring my phone, tablet, and cigar with me, and … I DID IT ALL ON MY OWN!!!! 

Now, before my nurses out there have a meltdown and show up at my front door to punch me out a blackeye, I did have Izzy Dragon near enough to rescue me in case I got into trouble, but I wanted to do it by myself, including the transport of my needed supplies, and I DID IT!  Quite proud of myself after only 4 days post surgery. 

But enough about me!  Let’s get this party started.  Or this camping trip going.  Or this…you understand. 

And the funny thing is, I know of this “Chicken Gun” of which they speak.  In all honesty, the gun was designed to shoot LIVE chickens at windshield canopies!  And that’s what they did at first.  And if you go on line and google chicken gun, you will find all kinds of information.  Here’s a NEWER version of the gun:

Then the animal rights people stepped in and they couldn’t use live chickens anymore and had to use dead chickens.  And that’s a little bit MORE of that story.

That is SO AWESOME!!!  Me too!  Me too!  I want to call them food weapons, too!!

Eyelashes are supposed to prevent things from getting into your eyes, but when I do have something in my eye, it’s always an eyelash.
Eyeronic

 

Stephanie: “Apologizing won’t make it go away.  You have deadlines.  Responsibilities!”

Impish Dragon: “I didn’t apologize.  I said I was sorry you couldn’t see things my way.”

I saw a guy at the coffee shop today.
No mobile phone, no tablet, no laptop.
He just sat there drinking coffee.
He looked totally out of place.

Well, I didn’t get this one done on time … as you could tell since you aren’t reading this on Saturday, but you are reading it on Sunday.  I had a bit of a rough night last night.  And I’m having a bit of a rough day today.  Not pain wise or anything, but my night was filled with nightmares and spiraling grief and depression.  And today, of course, there are no nightmares, but the grief and depression are doing their best to kick my ass.  So, I’m going to do my best to take my dragon ass back.  And in that regard, we go back to the fun and laughter.

COME ON!!  LET’S DO THIS!!

“Honey, your Uber is here…”

I heard someone call a corn dog a “Meat Twinkie” and life just feels different now.

Damn!  I wish I had thought of that!

Checkers Be Like:

He didn’t say that, and if he did, he didn’t mean it, and if he did you don’t understand it, and if you did,  it’s not a big deal, and if it is, it’s taken out of context, and if it wasn’t, others have done it, and if they haven’t, at least mean orange man gone.

And you kids think you have it so good now with  your smart phones and stuff.  When I was a kid, you could order your own Nuclear Reactor through the MAIL!!!

Question:  What is the world’s tallest building?

Answer:  The library because it has the most stories.

I have so much admiration for whoever it was that put up this plaque.  ESPECIALLY if it’s just up on a building somewhere with no explanation.

You ain’t never danced, until you Danced with Dragons

“Look into my eyes! Look deeply into my eyes!  Yo!  Jack!  My eyes are up here!”

One day a teacher was talking about marriage in class. 

Teacher:  What kind of wife would you like Johnny?  

Johnny:  I would want a wife like the moon.

Teacher:  Wow!  What a choice…Do you want her to be beautiful and calm like the moon? 

Johnny:  No, I want her to arrive at night and disappear in the morning…

Yes, I know it’s an old joke…

I yelled “COW!” at a woman on a bike and she gave me the finger. 

Then she plowed her bike straight into the cow.

I tried.

A group of kids is called a migraine.

I recently spent $8,000 on a young, registered Black Angus bull.  I put him out with the herd, but he just ate grass and wouldn’t even look at a cow.  I was beginning to think I had paid more for that bull than he was worth.  Anyhow, I had the Vet come and have a look at him.  He said the bull was very healthy, but possibly just a little young, so he gave me some pills to feed him once per day.  The bull started to service the cows within two days. All of my cows!  He even broke through the fence and bred with all of my neighbor’s cows!  He’s like a machine!  I don’t know what was in the pills the Vet gave him…but, they taste like peppermint.

If you praise a woman who aborted her child because “She did what was best for herself”, then I hope you praise men for abandoning their children because “they did what was best for themselves.”

I actually knew a guy who tried this.  He got pulled over by the cops and ordered to take them down.

Men are not intimidated by “strong women.”

But far too many women believe that being aggressive, rude and generally unpleasant makes them “strong.”

No.  It makes you insufferable.

It’s not that we “can’t handle you”, quite the contrary.  We just prefer not to, in light of much better options.

Yup, that’s exactly where it’s at.

(Just like me)

Wanna know what it’s like living in the South?  Take a hot shower.  Don’t dry off.  Put on all your clothes.

You may not see them suffer like they made you suffer, but believe me, their biggest punishment is that they are who they are.

When I was a kid, they didn’t take me to a psychologist… my mom was able to open my chakra, stabilize my karma, and clean my aura with one single slap!

What a cool looking pergola thingy.  I like it!

Don’t judge someone just because they sin differently than you.

That is so cool and one hell of an end table!

And with that we are at an end of this issue.  Thanks for hanging in with me folks.  I hope you guys had as much fun with this issue as I did.  May your Sunday be filled with Love and Happiness.

I know that’s the same header I used last, but I liked it so much I just had to use it again!

And more good news…

I feel GREAT this morning!

Well, relatively speaking.  I did just have major surgery and all, BUT, I got a GREAT night’s sleep last night, pain free, ten hours of movement free sleep, woke up this morning feeling better than I have in a LOOOOONNNNGGGG time.  And today I’m moving pretty well.  My pain level is still pretty high, say a 4, which on the pain scale is significant.  But I usually (pre-surgery with my arthritis and such) operate at a 5 to a 6.  So for all intents and purposes I’m at a negative 1 or 2 this morning!  So …

I feel GREAT this morning!

Some of you out there will appreciate this next…I’ve often told people that my ongoing, usual pain level is such that when I wake up on a GOOD morning in enough pain that would send most people to the emergency room.

I have a busy day planned for today.  I have a phone counseling session with my counselor early this afternoon and my first in-home physical therapy session later this afternoon.  So, it should be an interesting day.  So, before I have to pause this issue, what do you say we get to some of the fun stuff?

Mind your Crotch while on the Steep Slope.

Had a terrifying experience last night.  I was alone in the house having a bath…when all of a sudden…I felt a tap on my shoulder.

Next week has been exhausting.

Boy, ain’t that the truth!!!

You’ve got Serrie as a GPS device, and now Alexa is getting into the game, but did you know that in the mythological days, dragons were used exclusively for travel directions and mapping?  We have an innate sense of direction, not only on the planet, but interstellar and interrealm as well.

OH, HELL NO!  Someone call the home, Grandpa has gotten loose again!

Just put $20 in my gas tank.  It went from a lowercase e to an uppercase E.

PROPS!  That is both sarcastic and funny as hell!  You don’t often get both at the same time.

And haven’t we all been THERE before!

Okay, I want to get some of these in before I have to get ready for my counselor call…

To Kris72663, Dale, Tomw, Friggin Pete, Patricia Greene, Prescott Steve, SMSgt Chuck Gill (Retired) and Tammye, Hank, and Leah who all sent me quick comments to the blog site over the last day or so wishing me well, and sending me prayers and such.  Leah D said that thinking of me was a pain in her neck (roflmao!), Hank says he hopes I reach normalcy, Chuck Gill and Tammye are thinking of me (long time brother, I hope you are well!), Prescott Steve called me an SOB (okay, so it was a tough SOB, but still [laughing so hard here I can hardly see to type]), let’s see, what else…Patricia Greene sending prayers for rapid recovery (darn, can’t really twist that one around any…gotta work on that one…), Friggin’ Pete telling me to do what I’m told…HA! Like THAT’s likely to take place.  Pete, you know better than that!  Tomw reminding me that God’s in charge and always takes care of his kids, just not necessarily in the way we want, but in the best way.  Tomw, I agree and me and Heavenly Dad have had some LONG conversations lately and He’s been brining me round to His point of view about a couple of things. And then finally, back to hence we started with Kris who is predicting the future with by the time you see this you should have had your surgery and be resting comfortably and THAT’S EXACTLY how we started today’s episode out this morning, now didn’t we?

TA-DA!  

Okay, not exactly what I was going for, but you get the drift.  A LOT of people have been sending me well wishes and prayers and I am VERY thankful!

Not sure what it is, but it is a wild picture.

And now another one…

We were at one of the many funerals we attended last year (or maybe the year before) and Mary said, “I never get dressed up, why don’t you take my picture.” ( I had already taken several that she never knew about) You have no idea what I had to go through to get her to laugh. Come to think about it, not much really.  I could normally get my dear Mary~Mae to laugh when I wanted to.  She could pretty much do the same with me. (And now I’m crying…but they are really good tears) I miss you my heart.

I was on this great date with this really cute woman, we were just sitting up our picnic dinner under this tree when this guy jumped out of nowhere and attacked me!

My body just asked for water and I gave it a mini donut because nobody tells me what to do.

And in case you’re wondering what that is…which might happen if you are very young and not old enough to have heard of this, it’s a pot to piss in.

Okay, you’re gonna want to click on this link and watch this video from reddit … actually a sub reddit called “Idiots In Cars”  https://www.reddit.com/r/IdiotsInCars/comments/vd5l72/you_are_gonna_want_to_see_this/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

Okay, I’m totally confused.

That’s it for today so I can make this one appear on time.  Until next time my friends.  Peace and happiness to you all.  Love to everyone.

Well, since I’m going to push this out as soon as I’m done with this, AND since it’s not going to be a real issue, just an update, AND since it’s not really morning here anymore, but afternoon (but I suppose it’s still morning for some of you since we have campers from all over the world) I’m going to go ahead and leave the greeting of “Good Morning Campers” up there anyway and not try to fix it.

I’m home.  I got home late yesterday afternoon and was going to try to send out a quick message to all of you, even if it was by my phone app, but quite frankly, I was in such incredible pain when I finally got home and was inundated with phone calls and stuff, that I fell into bed last night at 10 pm and zonked out after about ten seconds.

I woke up at 0300 when my alarm went off to take my pain pills and antibiotic, got up and used the bathroom, climbed back in bed and was right back to sleep again until 0730 when I got up for the day.  Nine and a half hours of good solid sleep (Aside → and I’ve still been sleepy all day today) and my morning has been filled with doctor calls, home health care calls, home physical therapy calls and all the family/friends that I didn’t notify yesterday and who didn’t get notified down the telephone tree figuring, “okay, it’s been long enough, he hasn’t called me, I’m calling him.”  And this is one of the times that I figure that Facebook would have come in handy.  But, since I really don’t use Facebook, even if I put something on my page, nobody would have seen it anyway since I never use it.

So, that’s the story of yesterday and today, so here’s the hip story.  And of course, it has to be dramatic or it just wouldn’t be Impish Dragon, right?

So, surgeon warned me ahead of time that some of this stuff might happen, so as not to be a surprise to me when I came out.  The stuff he warned me about wasn’t the worst of it as far as I’m concerned, but here goes.  He told me afterwards that it was one of the worst hips he had EVER seen.  Hip probably should have been replaced like two years ago, but I was busy taking care of Mary and put my own well-being to the side.  Paying for that decision now, but wouldn’t change a thing.  Be that as it may, the muscles were very chewed up and, because it was bone on bone in my hip (cartilage was completely gone) a portion of the hip bone was worn away as well.  Well, you can’t put a new hip joint in and have it be loose, so there was some extending and stuff he had to do to make the joint nice and tight the way it is supposed to be.  Consequently, my left leg, with the new left hip, is now about 1 inch longer than the right leg.  And don’t think THAT doesn’t make it weird as shit to walk on.

And because the muscles were so badly deteriorated, they feel like they were beaten on instead of just cut through smoothly.  So, they are VERY sore and bruised instead of  just along the incision.  The actual incision area isn’t really that bad, the part that hurts really bad is the back of my thigh, my butt (of all places?!) and like wrapped around my knee in that area (!?!).  So, much more painful this time around than last time.  The whole offset with the difference in lengths.  When I asked about a work release for the time off, I was expecting him to say 6 or maybe 8 weeks.  And he says that I’m to be off work for 3 months!!!  When I asked him about it, his answer was, “It was a really bad hip.”  So yeah, drama.  

Anyway, that’s the update for getting me home.  I started this little update 3 1/2 hours ago, and with phone ringing and people coming over and dog drama and since I started this sentence the following drama…

I just received a bill in the mail for $34,000 for Mary’s final hospital stay that was supposed to be worked out already.  So, since I started with the Insurance company last time this happened, this time I called the hospital billing department … twice … since we got disconnected on the first call and I had to explain everything all over again to the second person I talked to.  Anyway, long story short, I got it worked out again.

For the sixth time.

Sigh!

Anyway, I’m going to go ahead and post this so you guys get the update and then start working on a regular issue so we ALL have something to laugh about.  (As if the above isn’t worth laughing about).  Not sure when the issue will be put out.  But, we here at Dragon Laffs, Inc will do the very best that we can.  Love you all and thank you all to EVERYONE who have sent me well wishes in the comments, personal emails, and silent prayers.  I know that’s why I had the blessed fortune of making it through this.