Dragon Laffs #1969


Good Morning Campers, 

Okay, so I have news.  Time to lay it all out for you guys.  Here’s what’s going on.  My hip replacement surgery is the very last surgery scheduled for the year and is set for 27 December at 0730, which means our show time at the hospital is 0530.  I’m pretty sure that my Doc scheduled ONLY me for the day and he did it so that it would still fall during this calendar year for insurance purposes, but after Christmas so as not to interfere with our Christmas.  (Even though we aren’t having one this year because of everything that’s going on, it’s still awfully sweet of him to do it that way)  Mrs. Dragon is very happy that I will be able to drive there at oh dark hundred in the morning.  I have to have a COVID test on the 22nd to prove that I’m not sick at their “special” clinic. 

On the 29th, the same day I figure I ought to be going home out of the hospital, Mrs. Dragon has 3 tests that need to be run on her, one of which, a chemically induced cardio stress test, is going to leave her to the point where SHE can’t drive, so we have a friend who is going to spend the day with her and may have to bring BOTH of us home. 

Then, while I’m recovering (8-12 weeks according to the doctor including physical therapy, but I’m betting I’m back to work in 6 to 8 weeks) Mrs. Dragon has to see a heart specialist in the third week of January and then the very next day a bladder specialist.  Both of which are an hour and a half away in Indianapolis.  She also has to see a liver specialist who hasn’t gotten a hold of us yet.  Now, this is all before I’m allowed to be back behind the wheel again and I’m the normal driver in the family.  She will NOT go to these doctors without me (and I don’t want her to) so I either become the world’s most awesome navigator/cheerleader while she drives or I break all the rules (like I did with my knee surgery) and drive before I am supposed to. 

Not to mention all the normal appointments we are all (including Izzy Dragon) are going to have plus the (if I remember correctly) 3 times a week physical therapy.  And all the crazy co-pays that go along with all this stuff that God alone knows where is going to come from. 

So, to all of you who have written and said that you can’t believe the crappy luck and how it’s all piled on…you are right.  I can’t believe it either.  It’s gotta be a test of faith, because I’ve ALWAYS insisted that God will see us through, because he always has and I’m sure he always will.  There has always been a path and it’s always come out the other side.  Just because I can’t see it this time doesn’t mean that it isn’t there.  I know it’s there and I know with the prayers, well wishes, and love of friends, family, and fellow campers like you all, I don’t have anything at all to worry about. 

So, with all of that being said and off my chest, why don’t we get this Christmas season started with some laughter and some fun!   

Being an adult is so stupid.  My friend is coming over and I’m excited to show her my new shower curtain.

I keep thinking, “Oh man, I’m so immature.  How am I allowed to be an adult?” 

Then I spend time with teenagers, and it’s like, “Wow, okay, yeah.  I am an adult.  I am so an adult.  Look at me adulting all over the place.”

Just one little kiss…under the mistletoe…

And I have some more news…my buddy from darts and from work, the electrician, came to my rescue.  The beautiful, wonderful man came to my rescue.  He told me exactly what I needed to buy, I went to the store, bought exactly what he told me and he had the whole thing fixed in about 20 minutes.  He acted like it was no big deal.  I told him for someone with a life time of expertise in his knowledge area, it was no big deal, for a former bomb loader and current CBRN Survival Instructor, Emergency Manager, and Dragon I would still be trying to fix it, would have burned down the house and would be sitting on the curb out front in tears.  Thank the dear Lord for good friends and family.  And all he wanted for his trouble was a kiss.  I don’t know that’s what he wanted, but that’s what he got…from me…today…at work…in front of all the guys…he seemed a bit embarrassed.  I don’t know why.

Wow!  Paul K. sent this to me and … well, these are his words, so I’ll let him tell it: 

   Just came across this (IMPORTANT WATCH)

  This is amazing, it is Ronald Reagan in the 1964.  I don’t usually send out political things except jokes. This is NOT Democrat or Republican, it’s our freedom. 

  What foresight, If I didn’t tell you who it was and you didn’t recognize the voice or see him, you would think it was written yesterday.

  It’s about 4 1/2 minutes long and a must watch.

   Paul.

Wow!  You’d think he was talking about today!

Hey!  I recognize those nipples!

I’m in THERAPY. 

To learn how to deal with people who should be in THERAPY.

Not to brag…

But I’ve been avoiding people long before the virus outbreak started.

The world is full of monsters with friendly faces and angels full of scars.

Boy, ain’t THAT the truth!

Me in January:  [stuffing tangled lights and broken ornaments into unlabeled boxes] Problem for another day!  

Me in December:  Son of a bitch!

Be extra careful on the roads with Christmas around the corner.  A lot of men will be drinking and getting their wives to drive.

Actually heard some of this on the radio, but this is a pretty nice, concise list.  Thanks to Pete for sending it in.

Feminine hygiene products, socks, can openers, powdered milk, things that can be made by adding water only, things that can just be warmed up.

Even though it’s Christmas time, I still have to do some of these, both because they are funny as hell and also because if I don’t I’ll be so over run with them that I’ll never get caught up.

So…they can’t locate illegals for deportation, but they can find them to give them money.

Socialists say I should stop confusing socialism with communism.  I say socialists should stop confusing my money with their money.

If you still hate Trump after the shit show we’ve been living the last several months, your commitment to stupidity is truly impressive.

Okay, so I fucked up.  I’m ashamed to admit this, but I completely lost track of the days of the week.  I guess stress will do that to you.  I honestly thought yesterday was Wednesday and it was Thursday and I completely missed my deadline to post for Thursday’s issue, which is why you guys didn’t get an issue on Thursday and why you are getting this one on Saturday instead.  Yes, I really do understand how incredibly stupid that sounds, but I’m going back to…

So, it’s just as well, I guess.  It’s been a crazy fucking week.  So…yeah, pretty normal.  I’m actually looking forward to the surgery so I can get 6 plus weeks of sitting on my ass and not worrying about anything except healing.  Yeah, who am I kidding, I’ll find plenty of shit to worry about. 

But, still. 

There will be less. 

Won’t there? 

Anyway, now that that’s out of the way, let’s get a few more laughs in before the cavern collapses or the minotaur who lives downstairs gets cranky or something else happens. 

I’m so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I’m saying.

And that’s it my friends.  Till next time we meet.  Love and happiness to you all. 

Cheers! 

Impish Dragon

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5 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1969

  1. Leah D says:

    You will live in a hellish world of no control until they finally give her a diagnosis.
    Then, no matter what it is, you can mark your path ahead.
    You know that, because of your military background. First the enemy must be identified, their threat assessed, then you can plan your plan of attack and shore up your defenses.
    In Utah, you can call 211, and they are great for finding any resources available to you. Do you have that there?

  2. David Dixon says:

    At least you’ll have the weekend to get an issue out before your surgery on Monday.

  3. Helen says:

    We’re jot having a great Xmas either. Just found out my husbbnd has Lukemia. Just before
    Thanksgiving . Still doing tests. He’s a basket case, would help to know what the treatments will be.

    • Stephanie says:

      So sorry to hear of your husbands illness. Praying this is an early diagnosis and easily treatable.
      May God give you peace, strength, healing.

    • Leah D says:

      Helen, there is one good thing about having Leukemia . . . it is one of very few cancers they now have gene therapy to cure it. May God bless you with that line of treatments.

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