It is absolutely amazing to me how embarrassing Biden is being on the world stage and how bad America looks right now.  He is such a fucking moron.  I’m ashamed of him.  He is actually going around the world begging other countries to produce oil when we have more oil buried under our country than anyone else does.  And he gave China some of our strategic reserves.  And why is no one calling him out for this shit?!  Why is everyone letting him get away with this crap?  I’m so over it!  HE NEEDS TO BE IMPEACHED!  He is incapable of properly leading this country.

Okay, I need to get to some laughter.  I have to go out in just a little while and if I get myself wound up before hand I’m not going to have a good night.  So, let’s get some laughter going and I can rant later. 

Most of the rest of have, too.

You know what is really sad?  People are all saying we should all be praying for our schools, but don’t want prayer in our schools.

Something to keep in mind: 
Farmers and truckers run on diesel.  When they can no longer afford fuel, the rest of us don’t eat.

Way cool!

A VERY old picture of me as a baby.  It’s actually in black & white.

Yup!

Whoopi, I want you to come for mine, personally.

Just saw what has to be the stupidest blog of the day:

“5 Reasons Why Breathing Air Is Good For You.”

Getting offended by something on the internet is like choosing to step in dog crap instead of walking around it.

I’m overwhelmingly surprised that someone let him have it in the first place.

Me:  Can you pass me the Rooster Sooster Sauce? 

Him:  The what? 

Me:  The Warsha Chester Sire Sauce. 

Him:  Are you having a stroke? 

Me:  The Worst Sister Shire Sauce.

Sure, cause we all have yachts to sail in together.

“It’s okay sweetie.  Tell me what the bad dragon did to you.”

This is a very worthy cause…give this man money!  He’s got a plan!

I learned two very important lessons in my life.  I can’t recall the first one, but the second one is that I need to start writing things down.

An Apology To My Wife: 

I am sorry. 
The kids were playing some sort of a cowboy game.
The five year-old kept yelling “Yippee Ki Yay”
I did not think.
Instinctively, I finished the phrase.
And now he knows a new word.

I laughed REALLY hard at that one!

So, this next one is a very interesting read.  You guys know that my son, the Whelpling, is a truck driver, so I have a soft spot in my heart for truck drivers.  He is NOT the author of the next piece, but he could be.  And this is just from ONE TRUCKER.  Multiply this by the thousands of men and women who drive for a living. 

HOLY CRAP!!!!!

All I’m asking for, is the right to the same weapons that I paid for the Taliban to own.   ~ Michael Malice

Here’s a good article sent to us by Stephanie.  A woman, legally armed at a party, took out an active shooter, saved lives, and will not be charged.  It’s a good thing she lived in an area not controlled by a prosecutor more concerned with criminal rights then victim rights.  Since it’s such a short article I’ll just include the whole thing here:

Police: Woman killed man who fired rifle into party crowd

Authorities say a woman in West Virginia fatally shot a man who began firing an AR-15-style rifle into a crowd of people at a party 

Having a little nap on the sofa before taking myself up to bed for my main sleep…I call that a snors d’oeuvre.

And he should be removed from any position of authority anywhere.  This man should not be allowed to be a dog catcher in a town with a single traffic light.  He is a fucking moron.  No.  I take that back.  That gives morons a bad name.

If it wasn’t Gin…

Gerald the Dragon:  Humans don’t hoard things? 

Human:  Sometimes, I guess.  So you have a big pile of gold somewhere? 

Dragon:  Absolutely not!  Those gold hoarding dragons really give us a bad name! 

Human:  So what do you hoard? 

Dragon:  …books… 

Human:  But you’re a fire dragon. 

Dragon:  I know!  I find these poor abandoned books, but I can’t even read them because I just know I’ll tear it or burn it.

[The human runs off and grabs an armful of books, before coming back to sit by the dragon] 

Human:  “Chapter One — Peter Breaks Through…”

[They lay there and read until the sunlight fades.  Gerald can’t keep a smile off his face]

The devil doesn’t come to you with his red face and horns, he comes to you disguised as everything you’ve ever wanted.

I Do Not have ducks.
Or a row.
I have squirrels,
And they’re friggin’ EVERYWHERE!

Today is my … or would be … my 27th Wedding Anniversary.  I felt it necessary to at least mention it.  I’m trying very hard to ignore it.  But, to be completely honest, my heart is racing and my hands are shaking and I’m trying very hard not to scream.  Unless you know me VERY well, you probably couldn’t tell that anything is wrong.  I think Izzy knows, because I yelled at some moron on the TV who said that arming the teachers at Robb Elementary would have been a bad idea.  Now, mind you, this is a guy who VERY OBVIOUSLY has never fired a weapon in self defense or had a weapon fired at him.  I basically ranted at the TV for 3 minutes.  So, she knows that I’m out of sorts.  But, probably not HOW out of sorts I am.  I’m hiding it well.  

Anyway, here shortly I’m going to Physical Therapy, then taking Izzy to her counselor appointment and then maybe take Izzy out to dinner somewhere.  But, by the time you guys are reading this tomorrow morning it will all be passed.  So…Love and Happiness to you all.  Be kind and forgiving to one another while you can.  Until next time.

Yes, you and your little dog Toto, too.  Anybody else thinks she looks like your 3rd grade teacher?  Gonna start something new today.  Gonna start putting my words in black, in regular print and everything else, the jokes, the laughter, other people’s words will be in some other color.  Mine should be in black, due to the seriousness of my words.  The importance of my words.  The forcefulness of … oh, who am I trying to kid?  I’m doing it this way because it’s easier to keep my train of thought when I’m ranting with this silly Word Press program.  Otherwise, every time I hit a new paragraph I have to reassign the font, and the color and the size.  This way, by using the presets, I don’t have to change anything.

So, anyway, welcome to Thursday.  It’s been an interesting week so far.  

Monday:  Did 4 hours of telework.  Went to the grocery story and walked the WHOLE store while pushing a grocery cart with Izzy.  Izzy kept telling me, “You can wait in the car if this is too much for you.  You can wait in the car if this is too much for you…” But, I wasn’t going to give up.  About half way through the store, the voice in my head started telling me, “You can wait in the FUCKING CAR!!!” But, I hung in for the whole thing.  And boy did I pay for it.  But, I was proud.  Proud and sore.  Dammit!  LOL!  Then Monday night I went to Grief Group, got wound up for Friday.  We talked a lot about forgiveness in all its different forms:

• Forgiving your loved one for passing (leaving)
• Forgiving yourself if:
  • You had something to do with the passing
  • You think you had something to do with it
  • You think you could have done something to prevent it
  • Etc.
• Forgiving someone else if THEY had something to do with your loved one’s passing, (i.e. doctor, drunk driver, shooter, etc.)

The funny thing is that in my Bible study lately one of the main topics has been forgiveness and in the book that I just finish, one of the subtopics/under plot arcs was forgiveness, AND not this past Sunday, but the Sunday before, the preacher at church gave a lesson on forgiveness.  So I’m wondering if God isn’t preparing me to get ready to forgive someone for something.  Ephesians 4:32.  I guess I’ll find out.

Now, let’s get to the good stuff, while we wait for the rest of the week to happen.

Songs will finish.
Gigs will end.
Bands will break up.
But people will NEVER FORGET the MUSIC AND MUSICIANS that touched their heart and soul.

Well, I didn’t get much done before we walked over to Tuesday.  It’s still early on Tuesday, but I won’t have much time to play today, so I’m going to try to get a little bit done before I have to leave.  I went to Physical Therapy this morning where they found out that I walked the grocery store yesterday and beat me up today for it.  I swear I heard them giggling over it behind my back.  Did my 4 hours of telework and tonight I’m going to go and play darts!  I can’t wait!  I haven’t played darts … real darts … well … in a long time.  

Okay, so why am I tearing up over playing darts?  Just because it was something that Mary and I used to love to do, I guess.  Maybe I’ll take some pictures and share them with you guys tomorrow.  

Anyway, back to the fun stuff.

This one is funny as hell.  Thanks to Stephanie for sharing.  This rooster loves his job!  To the point of passing out! https://www.facebook.com/groups/729606971086125/permalink/997057797674373/?sfnsn=mo&ref=share

“You actually ate my jellybeans!!!”

Where can I find a microwave that doesn’t beep so loud and let my whole family know I’m eating again.

Rules For Wearing Animal Print Yoga Pants:

1.  Weigh less than the animals they represent.

Probably closer to a 100 foot radius

It’s okay to talk to yourself…and okay to answer yourself.  But sad when you have to repeat what you said because you weren’t listening!!

Messenger has been sent to headquarters.  Help is on the way.

Well, my darts match didn’t work out so well tonight.  I guess I pushed a little too hard.  I got through the first couple of legs of the first match and had to forfeit.  I was slowing everyone down.  It was a lot harder than I thought it was going to be.  Everyone was very understanding, they do all love me a lot, after all, and would have gladly let me take as much time as I needed, but it was VERY obvious I couldn’t keep up.  I won the first leg and was shooting fairly well for not having shot anything at all this year, but it was too much for me. 

Sounds like an awesome plan to me!

 

Sometimes you meet someone and you know from the first moment that you want to spend your whole life without them.

God is looking down on humans right now thinking, “Damn.  Maybe I should try dinosaurs again?”

Wife:  I’m pissed!

Husband:  Again or Still?

I tried a non-alcoholic beer last night and I think I have discovered what my favorite ingredient in beer is.

Be weird.  Be random.  Be who you are.  Because you never know who would love the person you hide.

I’ll spare you the bullshit about my constitutional rights if you just fuck you!

Said no right thinking person anywhere.

When I was young, we didn’t have MTV.  We had to go to rock concerts and take drugs.

Trash cans at Disney Parks are placed 25 feet from hot dog stands.  Walt Disney made up the measurement by walking and eating a hot dog.

Q: What did the lawyer name his daughter?

A: Sue!

 

Q: What kind of key opens a banana?

A: A monkey!

 

Q: Why did the yogurt go to the art exhibit?

A: Because it was cultured.

 

Q: What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?

A: Bison.

 

Q: How do snails fight?

A: They slug it out.

 

Q: What’s a foot long and slippery?

A: A slipper.

 

Q: What kind of crackers do firefighters like in their soup?

A: Firecrackers!

 

Q: Which month do soldiers hate most?

A: The month of March!

 

Q: Where do boats go when they get sick?

A: The dock.

And that wraps that up for today.  I hope you all had as much fun as I did.  I think I’m going back to painting my words in blue again, I didn’t find this as much fun.  Anyway, Love and Happiness to you all until we meet again.

Thanks to all the sympathetic messages and emails I’ve received concerning my upcoming wedding anniversary.  Thanks you guys.  You’re the best.  But, let’s put that to the side for the second.  

For the rest of you, we won’t be doing our annual charity push until end of August through the middle of September.  You can start saving one cup of coffee a week now to save up, lol.

Now, I swore I wasn’t going to talk about this, but it’s ALL over the news and it’s pissing me off.  The whole abortion thing with the Supreme Court.  First of all, the Supreme Court just returned the Abortion ruling to the States, WHERE IT BELONGED IN THE FIRST PLACE.  The Federal Government has WAY TOO MUCH CONTROL of things it has no right to have control of.  The ONLY thing it is supposed to control is protection of the country (hence the United States military) and interstate commerce or some such.  THAT’S IT!!

Now, if you want to talk about the fact that the States are screwing up the abortion problem then I’ll agree with you 100%.  It is unbelievable to me that a little 10 year old girl in Ohio can be raped and can be denied an abortion.  I’m anti-abortion except under special circumstances and this would definitely qualify as a special circumstance.  First of all, I would think this would threaten this poor little girl’s life.  Second, SHE WAS RAPED!  And the state of Ohio forces her to go to Indiana to get an abortion.  That is unconscionable!  Shame on you, Ohio.

Shinzu Abe is assassinated with a homemade weapon. 
We’ve lost two actors…James Caan-82 and Tony Sirico-79 (Paulie Walnuts from the Sopranos)
The world is coming apart at the seams and now, more than ever, we need 

So, it’s time to get into the good stuff, so…

I can think of way better things to do by the hour…

She got her looks from her father.  He’s a plastic surgeon. ~ Groucho Marx

Today I went to the toilet without my phone…
There are 112 tiles in the bathroom.

I just ran into Best Buy to get some batteries…
The kid behind the counter asked me for my phone number and zip code…

I told him 867-5309 and 90210.
He never questioned me once.

Friggin’ kids!

All of us waiting impatiently for the next issue of Dragon Laffs to post.

No way in hell!!

Remember when we had to smack the TV because the channel wasn’t coming in clearly?
I feel that way about FAR TOO many people!

YOU AND ME BOTH!!

I think it’s adorable they’re putting jokes on the side of snacks now.

Like this one:
Serving size: 3 cookies.

Yup, I saw the same drone.  Thrown by a teacher at a student who was either sleeping, talking, cheating, passing a note, or doing something else they weren’t supposed to do.  Not saying it was me…not saying that at all … although it could have been.

Okay, so it’s an old joke…but it’s a good joke:

Me:  Hi, my name is Matt, and I’m an alcoholic.

AAA Person:  Sir, this is triple A.

Me:  I know.  I’m explaining why my car’s in the lake.

And the annoying part is that it says isles instead of aisles.

“Me and Tommy are here to collect for the newspaper dues.  I know you don’t want to be late and have us have to come back…”

I’ve had that same problem with Jameson.

As opposed to parking one car on top of the other?

Yeah, a lot of you kids have NO IDEA…

I’m doing one of those escape rooms today…

Well, work…I’m going to work.  But, I’m trying to figure out how to get out of it.

Fitness Instructor:  Have you ever done a marathon?

Me:  You mean like on Netflix?

That’s disgusting.

Calm down Mr. Mechanic Guy.  I’m just here for an oil change.  If I wanted to know about all the other shit wrong with my car I’d turn down the radio.

The cops just left.  They said if I’m gonna walk around the house naked, I have to do it inside.

I just got sacked from my Bingo calling job. 

Apparently saying, “A meal for two with a hairy view” is not the correct way to pronounce 69.

I hate it when people act all intellectual and talk about Mozart while they’ve never even seen one of his paintings…

I think people who use the wrong wrong word should have the humidity to admit it.

Izzy Dragon and I got into a bit of a discussion today.  She posted something on line that went something like this:  There is not a single thing you need to do to deserve food.  You deserve food because you are an alive person.  

So, I asked her where this food was coming from?  She saw where I was going with my question and she said that, there is plenty of food that grows on trees and bushes and stuff.  

So, I asked her, where around here is there food, that is free to take, that grows on trees and bushes and stuff.  And she told me that we have berries that are growing in our own backyard.  

Yup, this is true.  Go gather me, say a week’s worth of berries for two people from our backyard that will give us the vitamins and proteins and stuff that we will need for that week.  Well, you can’t get protein from berry you need meat for that, don’t you?  

And where are you going to get that meat from?  The government should supply it for us, free.  

And where is the government going to get it from?  From there own government farms.  

There are no government farms.  Then the government can buy the meat from the farmers and then give the meat to us.  

Okay, now we’re getting to it.  And where does the government get the money to buy the meat?  Come on, you got this one.  From taxes that they collect from everyone.  

Everyone except those people that don’t work that you think should be fed also.  So, under your plan, we are basically paying for our own food anyway, except we are also paying to feed the people who are unwilling to contribute to the society who are feeding them.  It’s basically the same way that it works now, except you want us to bring someone else to our table and feed them, too.  Someone who has done absolutely nothing to contribute to our household, to our family, to our wellbeing, but we should invite them to sit down to our table for every meal that we sit down to, treat them like family when they have done nothing to act like family.  Does that seem right to you?  Does that seem fair to you?

I applaud this whole thing the youngsters nowadays have about that education should be free and medical care should be free and food should be free and everyone should be paid a living wage and woulda, coulda, shoulda … blech! 

There are a couple of simple points you children need to understand, so sit down near Uncle Impish’s knees and listen up.  First of all, the government doesn’t produce ANYTHING.  It just takes.  Anything the government gives to you, it has to take from someone else. 

Second, that taking process costs money.  So, if the government wants to give everyone $100, it probably costs them, with everyone they have to pay, and all the bureaucracy involved, $150 per person.

Third, and it’s your money anyway.  You’re the one paying for it!  So, in order for the government to give you $100, somewhere else they are taking $150 from you!  You just don’t notice it.  Free medical, free food, free education — NONE OF IT IS FREE!!!!  The doctors and nurses and teachers and such all still have to be paid by someone!!!  And since the government doesn’t make money, only takes money, FROM US, it’s us who is paying anyway.

So, rather than you and me paying for EVERYONE to go to the doctor, isn’t it better for us to pay as we go?  That way, it’s only the people who need it who pay for it? 

And yes, we can do some things to make it cheaper.  We are spending billions of our dollars EVERY FUCKING YEAR over seas for stupid shit.  Condoms for French camels and shit.  Billions of dollars that goes to other countries that should be staying right here and we should be helping people pay for the really expensive cancer treatment medication and putting homeless veterans into homes.  Men and women who offered to give their very LIVES for our country!!  No, instead we send our money to the very countries who are threatening to behead those same men and women.  

We need to put America first!  And we need to put those Americans who serve America at the front of the line!  Put the damn politicians at the back of the friggin’ line.

Okay, I’ve ranted enough.  I’m just getting myself pissed off.  Let me close with one simple quote.  One that I think hits right to the very heart  of today’s Last Word.  It’s from JFK’s inaugural address on January 20, 1961 and it goes like this:

“Ask not what your country can do for you – ask what you can do for your country.”

May love and happiness, peace and prosperity keep you until next time.

So, it’s Saturday.  I’ve had the better part of a week of teleworking and it’s been…a week.  I’ve caught up on a couple of hundred emails, answered some phone calls.  Disappointed a LOT of people because I’m not there to actually DO stuff, so all-in-all a fairly successful week.  I’m enjoying being at home.  I NEED to be at home.  Still recovering, still very sore and weak.  And still not over the passing of my wife. 

This week is going to bring it’s own hell.  On Friday, the 15th of July, Mary and I would have celebrated our 27th wedding anniversary.  That’s going to be a fun day.  I scheduled an appointment with my counselor for Wednesday the 13th.  And it will be an in-person appointment unlike my lately phone call appointments.  So…I’m trying to plan accordingly.  Monday I have grief group and I’ll bring it up then.  Izzy has an appointment with her counselor on the 15th. 

Anyway, let’s line up some laughs and try to get this week ended with some funnies to get next week started the right way! 

“Rage Against The Machine” never specified what type of machine they were furious with, but I figure it was probably a printer.

The next James Bond will be made to satisfy the woke brigade.  Bond will start off as a man and will transgender to a woman.  The film will be called, Cocktopussy.

Our operatic star…this is from Night of the Dragon

Boy, ain’t that the truth.

I have no problem with vigorous background checks on firearms.  While we’re at it, do the same for immigration and voter ID.

Please!  Take my word for it.  Don’t learn this one by experience.

If you are going to hang out with me, you need the following:
A sense of humor
An understanding and appreciation of sarcasm
The ability to shake your head and roll your eyes.

She wears my T-shirts to bed.
She wears my jacket when she’s cold.
She even wears my boxers.
But I wear her panties one time and suddenly I have “serious mental issues” and I’ve “overstepped my boundaries.”

Scotty, Beam me up!

What’s wrong with whiskey for breakfast?

Got a couple of messages I’d like to share:

Before I got married I didn’t know there was a wrong way to put milk back in the fridge.

At my age, rolling out of bed in the morning is the easy part.
Getting up off the floor is a whole other story.

Being an adult is a little out of my price range right now.

At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, “That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for ice cream and cake.  Doesn’t it embarrass you?”

“Why should it?” answered her spouse.  “I keep telling them it’s for you.”

Today my bank informed me that Facebook friends can not be used as references for a car loan.  You guys are useless.

Could never happen in real life, right? … right?

If I was a plastic surgeon…
I would 100% put a squeaky toy squeaker in every breast implant.

Sure, go ahead, try it.

Some of my friends exercise every day, meanwhile I’m watching a TV show I don’t like because the remote fell on the floor.

Some people wake up finding messages like 
“Good Morning, Baby!”

I wake up to
“Battery full, Remove charger.”

And that’s it for today.  Love and happiness to you all.  Until Monday.

So, it’s the 4th of  July as I’m writing this.  My poor puppy dogs went nuts last night with the people setting off fireworks last night near the house and the worst is yet to come, except … they’ve added the chance of storms into tonight’s forecast, so this might end up being screwed up.  Pepper Dragon and Willow Dragon don’t like thunder any more than they like fireworks, so I’d just as soon have the fireworks so that everyone can enjoy them. 

And now we hear that some other fucking moron chooses today in Highland Park, Illinois to create an active shooter incident at a 4th of July Parade.  Five people are dead and sixteen people are taken to the hospital.  But, we should take weapons away from the good people…that should help.  Because everyone knows that making it more difficult for the good guys to get weapons will automatically make it more difficult for the bad guys to get weapons, right?  

Okay, I know I’m preaching to the choir.  

And since it’s still the 4th of July, here’s a great video to start with, that brother Wheats sent to me.  Modern Swing music with a military bent.

I enjoyed the music and the video and the group is worth checking out.  Fun music.

And speaking of fun, what do you say we get on to that portion of the show?

I got myself a seniors’ GPS.
Not only does it tell me how to get to my destination, it tells me why I wanted to go there.

I like to listen to BeeGees music when I cook Chinese food.  You can tell by the way I use my wok. 

I’m not sure if that’s true.  That we can’t know true happiness if we never experience true sorrow.  But, there is definitely enough sorrow in this world, that I’m also pretty sure that none of us will ever be able to test that theory.

“Happy Birthday big boy!”

My wife and I have started role playing in the bedroom, her favorite is “Sexy Librarian” where I have to sit quietly while she reads a book.

Me:  How much for the angry lawn gnome? 

Yard Sale Lady:  That’s my toddler.

If we’re ONLY talking about looks, I’m a 6.  But, if you take my personality, sense of humor, and values into consideration, I’m actually a strong 2.

Here at Dragon Laffs, Inc. some of our Uber rides are more dangerous than yours.

When filling out a job application, I saw they had a section for “Previous Life Experience”, so I wrote down that I was a Pharaoh in 2300 B.C.

So a burglar broke into the house…I put the red dot on his chest and the cat did the rest.

I feel bad for parents nowadays.  You have to be able to explain the birds and the bees… The bees and the bees… The birds and the birds… The birds that used to be bees… The bees that used to be birds… The birds that look like bees… Plus bees that look like birds but still got a stinger!!!

Tonight’s Powerball Jackpot is a full tank of unleaded gas and a sheet of plywood.

My wife wanted to disgrace me in the presence of her friends, she said I wasn’t good in bed.  She was shocked when they all disagreed with her.

Absolute truth!  The old west was one of the most polite and safe places to be, contrary to the all the old movies.  When everyone was armed and knew how to use their weapons, it forced everyone else to be polite because you never knew who you were going to piss off.  Colonel Cooper is 100% correct.  If everyone was trained and armed, the felons would have no victims to take advantage of and crime would take a HUGE decline.

NO KIDDING!!!

Or even to be allowed to WALK with scissors!

Another way to ask that same question is how did so many Government Employees become millionaires?

Probably cheaper, too.

The turtle can breathe through it’s ass.  Humans have not yet reached this stage of evolution, although many have learned to talk through it.

It’s six months since I joined the gym and no progress.

I’m going there in person tomorrow, to find out what’s really going on…

And that does it for another issue.  I did hear that they caught the scumbag that shot up the parade yesterday (July 4th).  Haven’t heard anything else about it, yet.  It ought to be an easy fix for people like that.  Save the state an awful lot of money.  Take him out back, put a bullet in the back of his head.  Piece of cake.  If you’re 100% sure it’s him, then go ahead and do it. 

Anyway, that’s all I’ve got for today my dear camper friends.  Be well, be full of love, and be full of happiness.  Until we meet again.