‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the cavern,
Not a dragon was stirring, they were all at the tavern.
The huge stockings were hung by the chimney with boards, 
In hopes it would help with the treasures they would hoard.
The dragonettes were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of virgin sacrifices danced in their heads. 
And mamma in her leather and I flying fast, 
Had just stumbled in from being drunk off our ass. 
When outside the entrance there arose such a ruckus, 
I fell over the footstool to see what it the fuck was. 
Away to the door I stumbled like a drunk gecko, 
Threw open the door and flaming belch I did let go. 

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow,
Gave a lustre of midday to the objects below,
When what to my wondering eyes did appear,
But a miniature sleigh and eight tiny rein-deer, 
With a little old driver who looked up in fear, 
As the belched gout of flame drew ever so near. 
And I heard him exclaim as he stopped, dropped, and rolled, 
“Impish, you bastard!  You promised you’d be controlled! 
Every year I bring my rein-deer by your cavern to give you some toys, 
And every year your drunk and try to fry my dear girls and boys. 
Well,  I’m done!  I’m finished.  I’m history.  I’m through! 
Since you can’t control yourself there’s no Christmas for you!” 

It was then Mrs. Dragon came to my rescue, my wife,
Dressed now in a homespun housedress to save my life. 
She ambled up to Santa, leaned over and whispered in his ear, 
And stayed there and whispered for what seemed like a year. 
The longer she spoke the more ashen his face grew,
His rosy red cheeks took on a new hue. 
Finally, she stepped back and folded her arms,
And Santa looked up at her deep in alarm. 

“You wouldn’t…”, he said with a gack! 
She said, “You know Mrs. Claus and I go way back.” 
Santa started to argue, but then suddenly gave in with a leer, 
“Okay, you win, you’ll have Christmas this year. 
But, I’m tired of this crap.  This shit is over. 
He does this again and you’ll get no do-over!” 
Then Mrs. Dragon, she drew up three times her usual size, 
Came right right up to Santa and stared right in his eyes, 
“You listen to me fat man, those pictures won’t go away,
I’ll keep them forever, so if you know what’s right just climb on your sleigh,
And Mrs. Claus and I won’t ever have to have our little chat,
And you’ll keep delivering Christmas, so you understand that!” 

She whirled and stormed back towards the cavern, 
whilst Santa and Impish looked on in deepest concern. 
Santa then turned and called the reindeer by name,
“Come on guys, let’s get the fuck out of the game, 
Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer! and Vixen! 
On, Comet! on, Cupid! on, Donner and Blitzen! 
And I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight, 
“Happy Christmas to all, and what a fucked up night!”       

Good Morning and Merry Christmas my dear Campers, 

I know that you are probably not reading this first thing on Christmas morning … at least, I hope you aren’t reading this first thing on Christmas morning, but if you are, well, then Merry Christmas to you as well.  Some of us have lots to do on Christmas morning and others of us, not so much.  I understand.  Truly, I do. 

I am writing to you right now on the morning of the 23rd.  Mrs. Dragon is very, very sick.  I am trying to get sick.  Okay, not trying.  I am sick, but not as sick as she is. 
Yay! 
Merry Christmas!  Oh well, it is what it is.  Let’s get some laughter going for those of us who need it this Christmas morning.

So, it’s been a while since we’ve done any of these, so let’s see what we’ve got…

Okay, a couple more…this one from our dear friend and fellow camper Leah…

I think we got a few more in.  I think I just heard the old mail bag hit just a minute ago.

Thanks to John S. for this one:

And thanks to ALL of you who have sent birthday and Christmas wishes.  They are deeply appreciated.  Truly, I love you all.

It is now Friday morning. 
Christmas Eve. 
Happy Birthday. 
Was up most of the night last night with Mrs. Dragon.  She hit a top temperature of 102.  She finally broke her fever about 0300 hrs. and is now down to 99.7.  Got her to eat some applesauce and a popsicle.  So, we’ll see how she does for the rest of the day.  If she goes back up in temp, we go to the immediate care.  If she stays down, we stay home.  We are NOT going to the ER.  The ERs are mobbed with COVID patients and for some area hospitals, they are waiting in the ER for 48 hours for a bed in the regular hospital.  Fuck that.  I can hear her snoring in the other room, so I know she’s sleeping.  The next time she wakes up, I’ll check her temp again.  (Don’t tell her that I told you guys about her snoring.) 

Okay, let’s carry on with this Christmas/Birthday issue.  We still have A LOT of Christmas cartoons and memes to get to!

Did a little mechanics work today. 

Put a rear end in a recliner.

ALTERNATIVES TO “MAN COLD”: 
Him-fluenza
Bro-chitis
Whimpering Cough
He-bola
Dude-onic Plague
Man-demic Outbreak

Friends, please put on a mask.  It saves lives.  Yesterday, a friend of mine went out with his girlfriend and on the way passed by his wife and she did not recognize him.  The mask really did save his life.

Yeah, that last one goes back a couple of years.  Man, I miss you brother.

This issue is HUUUGGGEEE!!!  I knew I shoulda used more Christmas stuff earlier in the month.  Okay, last push to get the rest of it in here.  Let’s see what I have left in the files…

And finally, my dearest friends, campers, family, and loved ones.  May you spend this holiday with loved ones wrapped in the spirit of the season, holding tight to the love of each other and of God’s blessings.  Thanks for all that you do all that you have given to me and to this blog.  Love and happiness to you all and to all a very Merry Christmas.

 

Good Morning Campers, 

Well, lots of stuff going on today.  Or in the next couple of days, actually.  Tomorrow, Christmas Eve, is my birthday.  The day after that is Christmas.  And although it’s a commercial, Steve shared this absolutely wonderful video, and I just have to share it with you guys, so let’s see if this works:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c4-oyBnknHk

So, did it bring a tear to your eye as well?  That’s the spirit of Christmas.  No, not Chevy.  People coming together to help someone else feel good at a time of year when so many of us feel like shit.  Thanks, Steve for sharing this with us on a day when so many of us feel like crap. 

But that’s not what we’re here for today.  Today we’re here to have fun.  To laugh together and begin to ring in the holidays with friends and family.  Loved ones.  Thanks you guys for being here with us.

Now THAT’S a CHAIR!!!

I have now heard the perfect description of what’s going on.  Come on children, come sit by Grandpa Impish’s feet and learn the wisdom: 

They’re telling the unjabbed to take the jab because the jab works. 

And telling the jabbed to get a booster because the jab doesn’t work. 

All while telling everyone that the unjabbed are putting the jabbed in danger by not getting a jab that didn’t protect the jabbed.

February 22, 2022 (2/22/22) falls on a Tuesday so we’ll be able to call it 2’s day.  I know, I’m a dork, but I’m excited about this!

In line at McDonald’s — shitty little kid behind me screaming he wants an apple pie at his mother —

I get to the counter — 

Me:  Hi.  I’ll have a number 3, larger, and excuse me, but how many apple pies do you have back there?  

McDonald’s Worker:  12  

Me:  I’ll take them all.

Well, if the parents won’t parent …

A weasel walks into a bar. 

The bartender looks up and says, “Wow!  In all my years tending bar, I’ve never had a weasel stop by.  What can I get you?” 

“Pop,” goes the weasel.

“I was ripped from my home.

I was tied up and sold on the street. 

I was dragged into a strange room. 

I was made to stand in cold water. 

I had weights attached to every limb. 

I was wrapped in burning heat lamps. 

I was left to die slowly in the corner. 

My captors just stared at me and smiled.”

— If a Christmas tree could speak.  (Happy Christmas!)

Aww, isn’t he cute!

Impish Claus

My daughter asked me why she can’t just quit school and I told her it’s against the law and they’ll put me in jail and my sweet, sweet child looked me in the eye and said, “I’ll visit you.”

My mother used to tell me I was the worlds greatest potato peeler.  I really bought into it.  And every time we’d have potatoes I’d get so excited to show off my skills as the ultimate peeler.  It wasn’t until I was in my mid 30s that I realized the whole play.  Touché mom.  Touché.  

EAT LIKE NO ONE IS GOING TO SEE YOU NAKED.

I hate it when people ask me if I’m ready for Christmas.  No Susan.  I’m not even ready for today.

I love jokes for smart people.

There is a rare breed of people who go all in.  They keep their word.  They give it their all.  They put themselves last for those they care about.  These  individuals rarely receive the same compassion and effort in return yet continue to give freely.  To the givers, forgivers, and selfless lovers out there… Keep pushing forward.  Don’t let this cold world change who you are.

My emotional support animal is a chicken. 

A four piece. 

With a biscuit.

I said I was good at making decisions.  I didn’t say the decisions I made were good.

First there was this picture, by itself:

Which led me to this YouTube:

One of the most beautiful and wonderful speeches of all times, which in turns leads to one of the most amazing dance scenes of all times:

Which THEN led further down the rabbit hole to two of my ALL TIME favorite musicians playing one of my favorite Christmas Carols:

Which tumbled me deeper down to this one.  But, I must admit that when I thought about it, I in turn searched for a different one and found them live in Toledo, Ohio and realized I had never seen them live and although I didn’t care as much for the live version audio-wise, the visual were stunning!  So, now I share with you the last of my rabbit-hole descending’s for today with one of my all time favorites and with what I would crank up to a million decibels and ride screaming through town on the back of my motorized sleigh laughing my dragon head off while playing… 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k86fSDH0mA0

And it all started with a Peanuts picture… 

ah… the mind of a dragon

My life is just a collection of poorly made decisions with good music playing in the background.

Karma is a bitch? 

Oh no honey…karma is a classy and wise elder that will calmly sit you down and serve you a tea you later realize was laced with the same poison you served others for years.

I’m snowed in.  Nothing a little salt can’t handle.  Especially around the rim of a margarita glass.

Nobody claim 2022 as “your year”.  We’re all going to walk in real slow.  Be good.  Be quiet.  Be cautious and respectful.  Don’t touch anything.

If only that were enough for them to take the hint.

Only in America in 2021 can you get arrested for opening your business, but not for looting one…

Yeah, I’m with the rest of you.  My answer would be C and G

Keeping colleges closed this fall is far more likely to stop the spread of communism than it is to stop the spread of COVID.

• Monuments are being destroyed

• Movies are being removed or edited

• Television shows are being canceled

• Logos are being removed from foods

How do you like communism so far?

Gonna go lay under the Christmas tree to remind my family that I’m a gift.

Kids:  We’re bored  

Me:  Listen, your grandparents didn’t even know where I was from 1983 to 1988.  Go find some sticks to play with.

Christmas time is great because you can shout, “DON’T COME IN HERE!” and people think you are wrapping presents.  When you just want to drink wine in peace and not share your chocolates with anyone.

You all need to stop asking Santa to bring you a good man…I was almost kidnapped twice last week.

Induction:  The act of inserting ducks  

Deduction:  The act of removing ducks

And how many of you youngsters out there are gonna get that one?

And therein lies the perfect ending spot for today’s issue.  May your days be filled with the joy and wonder of a child’s Christmas excitement.  Love and happiness to you all.

 

Good Morning Campers, 

I have determined that a sincere smile and a warmly said, “and have a Merry Christmas” to everyone you deal with at this time of year will reward you with, at the very least, a grunted reply of “and you, too” but much more often you will get the other person’s face lighting up like the angel’s aura and a small, yet noticeable sparkle in their eye.  The poor people that have to work this time of year in the service industry whether it be in the grocery store, department store, or where ever are taking a lot of abuse from the customers that they face every day.  They’re not getting paid any extra.  It’s not like there’s combat pay during this time of year, even if there should be.  And the amount of extra assholes out there is amazing.  So, a smile and a “Merry Christmas” goes a long way. 

Plus, it makes me feel really good, especially when I am having a crappy Christmas myself.  So, that’s my morning observation over coffee today.      

This is from the Babylon Bee … so … be warned… https://babylonbee.com/news/christmas-gift-ideas-for-your-liberal-child

10 Christmas Gift Ideas for Your Leftist Child

First off, congratulations on raising a child already versed in progressive ideals! Your Christmas holiday is sure to be filled with joy, laughter, fear of using incorrect pronouns, and vegan egg nog.

If you’re having trouble finding that perfect Christmas present for your liberal child due to their inconsistent morality, hypocritical life choices, or gender confusion, then let us help you with this handy list of gifts they’re sure to not cancel you for:

1) Brand new gender: New genders are so hot right now. We would urge you to grab one before they run out, but honestly, there will always be more genders.

2) Allowance increase followed by tax increase: This valuable life lesson will impart to your youngling the wisdom found in pretending to give while actually taking.

3) Battery-powered police car to flip over and set on fire: Progressive children love acting out violently in the name love. This flammable gift is perfect if your child was too young to burn actual police cars back in 2020.

4) Crowbar and a ride to Nordstrom: Unique experiences are the most precious gifts you can give your child. This gift offers a hands-on understanding of where progressive policies have led.

5) Playskool Dr. Fauci Shrine™: Turn your child’s dresser into a sanctuary of reverence toward the benevolent Dr. Fauci. These are flying off the shelves, so grab one quick!

6) Twitter account: Hey, your kid is never too young to learn the ins and outs of Twitter, including public shaming, cyberbullying, destroying careers, and contributing to a giant cancerous tumor of hate.

7) Vaccinate Me Elmo™ doll: Have you seen the commercial for this toy? What a great commercial.

8) Coal: This will prevent conservatives from burning it in power plants and destroying the planet! 

9) Chairman Mao pop-up book: Let your child’s imagination be filled with stories of the beloved revolutionary who called for equality and fairness for everyone besides the 80 million who died under his rule. (Avoid Tuttle Twins books at all costs) 

10) A whuppin’: Let’s be honest here.

We’re everywhere…you just have to look.

China claims that Coronavirus came from an old bat, but Pelosi denies having been involved.

A lot of people do.  It’s perfectly understandable.

One question…Why?

The best safe word you can use is “Meatloaf.”  It means “I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that.”

You don’t realize how old you are until you try to get back up after wrapping presents on the floor.

One of Impish Dragon’s little helpers

Dear perfume wearers, A little hint for you all: 

PFT PFT is enough 

PFT PFT PFT PFFFFFT PFT PFFFFT PFFFT PFT is really too much. 

And when I feel the need the yell, “Mask! Mask! Mask!” and grab my M-50 it really is too much.

I wear this AT LEAST a dozen times a month.

Guess The Camper

One of our Campers sent this in.  Can you guess which one?

My response is: Nah.  It’s just a natural born, God given talent.  Why not enjoy it.

NO KIDDING!  Reading in bed at night would be SO MUCH easier.  Especially if they improved the technology so the letters actually glowed for a while.  I read on my tablet now because, otherwise I would go broke from buying actual books, and gas driving to the books store or the library every single day, but glow in the dark ink is a way cool idea.

And you can easily switch out Biden in that second picture and change the words to ANY OTHER world leader

Sadly, with this administration, those bombs are probably filled with hundred dollar bills

God, I LOVE it when that happens!

Because it’s only in books where we can truly get inside a character’s head; feel his feelings; read his thoughts.  With a movie you watch the story, inside a book you become the story.  It plays out inside of you.  You become the characters.

I went for a run but came back home after two minutes because I forgot something. 

I forgot that I’m fat and can’t run for more than two minutes.

My First Day as a Crime Scene Investigator

Detective:  How did this man drown?  

Me:  He couldn’t breathe underwater.

When doctors and nurses are quitting their jobs over a medical mandate, it’s time to realize that something is seriously wrong.

This is what happens when you order a President through the mail.

How long before “Let’s Go Brandon” is deemed terroristic hate speech, banned on all platforms, and warrants an investigation from the FBI?

Lou Holtz, Foot ball coach, was asked what is the difference in football players today and 50 years ago.  He answered, “Simple.  Today’s athletes talk about rights and privileges.  And the players 50 years ago talked about obligations and responsibilities!”  To me that describes society today.

I’m old enough to remember when mentally ill people were put in hospitals, not Congress.

That moment when you finish a book, look around, and realize that everyone else is carrying on with their lives… As though you didn’t just experience emotional trauma at the hands of a paperback.

Mary Poppins Voice:  Okay, Children!  Time to go! 

[15 minutes later]  

Batman Voice: I SAID LET’S GO!

When someone asks what you are thinking about, say: I hope no one ever finds the body.

Thanks to Leah for sharing the above

And that wraps up another issue my dear camper friends.  We are at a Monday heading into Christmas week.  May this week be peaceful and calm for you and yours.  Love and happiness be spread across your homes.

Good Morning Campers,

Well………I have news……….and it’s not good news……….it’s not bad news……….it’s just a pain in the ass news.  They canceled my surgery.  Due to…are you ready for this….come on, you can guess…that’s fucking right!  Due to FUCKING COVID! 

I’m so fucking pissed. 

All elective surgeries have been canceled until further notice. 

That’s such bullshit.

And not a damn thing I can do about it. 

Probably at least through January. 

Now, there are a couple of minor pluses to this.  I can now take Mrs. Dragon to all of her special appointments.  And maybe that’s why this is all happening, so that I can be with her when she needs me.  I don’t know.  But, I’m still pissed.  But, what can I do?  Nothing.  Story of my life.  Well, now I just have a hundred things to deal with.  So, I guess that’s something. 

Anyway, let’s all get cheered up with some fun.

I just cleaned my kitchen floors using only my feet and some baby wipes without spilling my wine…if anybody needs a life coach.

Why does everyone force introverts to be talkative and leave their comfort zone, but no one forces the extroverts to shut up, even for a minute, to make the zone comfortable?

He told me he wants to walk me down the aisle.  I said sure and I drove him to the liquor store.

Remember:  When something goes wrong in the circus, they send in the clowns to distract the audience.  Well, something has gone very wrong with this circus, and the clowns are everywhere.

Go ahead…call me a Ho again, motherfucker!

The police just pulled me over and said, “Papers?” 

I said, “Scissors, I win!” and drove off. 

I think he wants he wants a rematch – he’s been chasing me for 45 minutes!

This is absolutely bloody marvelous! 

It was last Wednesday night, and I was sitting at home watching television. I was all nice and cozy wrapped in a blanket, Molly was asleep in my lap and the phone rang. Molly jumps up all scared, scratched my leg, and kicks me, you know where! I stumble up and trip on the blanket and fall on my face! I am not a happy camper at this point!

“Hello?”

A girl’s voice came over the line. “Can I speak to Ben, please?” Just Granny and I live here, and my name definitely is not Ben. It was probably a wrong number but I was not in a very good mood now.

“I’m sorry, he’s not in right now. Can I take a message?”

“Do you know what time he’ll be back?” she responded.

“I think he said he’d be home around 10:00.”

Silence on the other end… a confused silence.

“Is this Bill?”

My name isn’t Bill, either. This was definitely a wrong number.

“Yes, it is. Do you want to leave a message for Ben?”

“Well… he said he would be home tonight and asked me to call him…” she said in a slightly irritated voice.

I replied, “Well, he went out with Karen about an hour ago, and said that he would be back at 10:00.”

A shocked voice now: “Who’s Karen?!”

“The girl he went out with.”

“I know that! I mean… who is she?”

“I don’t know her last name. Look, do you want me to leave a message for Ben?” “Yes… please do. Tell him to call me when he gets home.”

She was sounding pretty irate at this point, and I could hear her temper flaring. “I sure will. Is this Jennifer?”

She exploded this time. “Who’s Jennifer?”

Apparently she wasn’t.

“Well… he’s going out with Jennifer at 10:00. I thought you were her.

Sorry… it was an honest mistake.”

“Ben’s the one that’s made the mistake! Tell him that Alice called him and the she’s very upset and that I would like him to call me as soon as he gets home.”

I smiled and said, “Okay, I will… but Becky isn’t going to like this…”

CLICK

So much for their Merry Christmas, HUH!!

Have you ever given the finger to a text message? 

Or is that just me?

As a matter of fact, I have!  Today, even!

To better help you understand Dr. Fauci, The CDC, WHO and the many other experts (So Called) when they get on TV and explain the variants, the vaccines the mandates and so on, here are the definitions of some of the phrases they may use.

“It has long been known”

I didn’t look it up but, I think I remember hearing about it one time.

“A definite trend is evident”

This data is practically meaningless.

“While it has not been possible to provide definite answers to the questions…”

There’s been unsuccessful experiments and worthless theories flying all over the place but, we still don’t know our ass from a hole in the ground, so I’ll guess.

“Three of the samples were chosen for detailed study….”

The other results didn’t make any sense.

“In my experience”

Once.

“In case after case”

Twice.

“In a series of cases”

Thrice.

“It is believed that”

I think.

“It is generally believed that”

A couple of others think so, too.

“According to statistical analysis”

Rumor has it.

“A statistically-oriented projection of the significance of these findings”

A really wild guess.

“A careful analysis of obtainable data”

I called the Facebook Fact checkers.

“It is clear that much additional work will be required before a complete understanding of this phenomenon occurs”

I don’t understand it….and I never will.

“After additional study by my colleagues”

They don’t understand it either.

“It is hoped that this study will stimulate further investigation in this field.”

I am pleased to feed you bullshit.

 

God Bless you Pete!  And the stuff that you send me! 

Bob, I wrote this a few years ago and I don’t know if I sent it to you before or not so….here it is. 

The cost of a gift.

 It was a Christmas many, many years ago. A four year old little girl was filled with the expectations of all that is Christmas. Wide eyed with joy and excitement over the thought of Santa Claus coming down her chimney and leaving her a present, full of wonder of what it would be, a new baby doll, maybe a bicycle, maybe even a new doll house. She wondered and hoped as she fell asleep that Christmas Eve.

 What that little girl did not know was that her family had fallen on very hard times. This was a time long before unemployment payments, food stamps and all of the other safety nets we have today, times were hard, very hard and there was very little money for even putting food on the table for this Mother and Father and their five children, let alone buying Christmas presents for them. But still, the little girl slept that night comforted in the believe of the magic of Christmas.

 She awoke that Christmas morning to find one gift with her name on it, with newspaper as it’s wrapping. Inside she found a book, a used book, a book so used and worn that the cover was long gone. It was the only thing her Mother and Father could come up with to give her but, it was something. Now, I know what you’re thinking but, the little girl loved that book, she loved it so much that she carried it with her everywhere and asked anyone and everyone to read it to her. She had so many people read it to her that even though she could not read, she could read that little beat up, worn out little book because, she followed the words as it was read to her. She loved her book so much and that love of books and reading would follow her all the days of her life.

 I know this story to be true, the year was 1922, the book was Little Black Sambo and the little girl….that was my Mother.

 My Grandma and Grandpa Sutton’s inability to pay for a gift gave my mother the greatest gift she could have received that Christmas morning. They gave her a hunger for the knowledge, the stories, the adventures and thrills she found in books and love of reading that followed her for the next 95 years of her life.

 The cost of that gift was simply the love Grandma and Grandpa had for a four year old little girl.

May you find the real gifts, the real love and the real magic of Christmas this year…..

Pete

And yes, it is a true story.

We were a poor family and it was a bone-chilling cold winter. My Daddy asked me what I wanted for Christmas. Knowing full-well that “Santa” couldn’t afford the new bicycle I really wanted, I answered, “Well, Dad, I’d like a new pair of corduroy pants and something small to play with, if that’s okay.”

Impatiently, I waited for Christmas morning, and of course, I couldn’t race downstairs until I heard Mom and Dad stirring around down there, getting breakfast going. Cautiously, I crept down the stairs and looked over the banister rail at our lovely (but scantily decorated) Christmas tree. I could see at least one box that I was sure was for me!

Trying my best not to rush over to the tree to confirm my hopes, I went into the kitchen, and after we finished breakfast, Mom suggested we go into the front parlor and see what Santa had brought us. Mom could tell I was itching to see my gift, so it was the first box she distributed. Sure enough, it was the box I spied on my way downstairs earlier. I eagerly tore off the (re-used) wrapping paper and the little home-made bow, lifted the lid and….

There was the most magnificent pair of dark brown corduroy pants I’d ever seen! Mom said, “Try them on, son, and see if they fit you.”

I whisked off my pajama bottoms and pulled on my new pants. “Did Santa bring me something small to play with?” I asked.

Dad said, “Well, Son, put your hands in the pockets of them-there new pants!” I did as directed. The bottoms of BOTH pockets had been cut out!

Sadly, that, too was from Pete.

Holiday shopping advice for men:

When your significant other hints that she wants puppies for Christmas, it’s always best to get clarification before scheduling her an appointment with a plastic surgeon.

Okay, Stephanie sent this to me, and I read what she wrote BEFORE I looked at the picture.  She wrote:

Ok, this really isn’t what you want to see next door. Probably loud, slightly drunk, might even have a radio. What I want to know is, if he is using a crutch, how did he get up there.  

So  my first thought is, “What the hell is she talking about … then I clicked on the picture that went with it…

So Stephanie, dear Stephanie, I agree with all of your questions and have one more … What the fuck? 

And with that, sadly, I’m out of time.  I’ve got to get to sleep.  Sorry this one is a bit shorter than usual.  Love and happiness to you all.

Good Morning Campers, 

Well here we are, a little closer to the weekend.  A little closer to Christmas.  A little closer to Impish’s surgery.  A little closer to chaos. 

I’m actually working night shift tonight, so I can go in and teach a class to some night shift folks so they don’t have to ruin their schedules and only I have to ruin mine.  I tried to sleep in late today.  Didn’t work out so well.  My stupid internal alarm clock screwed me up and I was trying to wake up at my usual time.  I forced myself to stay in bed for a couple of extra hours, no where near the amount of time I am going to need to stay up to work until 2 or 3 in the morning tonight, but I guess we’ll see how it works out.  If I fall asleep on the way home, you guys will find out by me not posting this issue.  I guess if you are actually reading this, it all worked out since this is Tuesday and it won’t actually post until Thursday and I won’t finish it up until sometime on Wednesday when it will all be over with.  So, what do you say we get this stuff started and get some laughs in before I need to pull myself together and head to work, shall we?

This is from Sasquatch and it is truly as he says. 

This is amazing!

This is a master piece by Vincent Van Gogh….Tap on the photo and click and hold with the mouse and move gently in any direction.

A mindboggling  experience to see this Art work from any angle or perspective that one wishes. Simply Astounding Technology!

https://static.kuula.io/share/79QMS

Relax and  appreciate the finer points of this 360⁰ view of the masterpiece.

https://static.kuula.io/share/79QMS

You’d think there would be an editor, some place who was bright enough to catch that one.

And so ends another week without me becoming unexpectedly rich.

Not in jail, not in a mental hospital, not in a grave — I’d say I’m having a very good day.

The first million people to send me $1 will get a copy of my guide on how to become a Millionaire using Facebook

It’s tough for some of us to get into the Christmas spirit.

I hate telling people I’m a taxidermist.  When they ask what I do everyday, I say, “You know.  Stuff.”

I did some financial planning and it looks like I can retire at 63 and live comfortably for eleven minutes.

Sure!  I’d LOVE to play cowboys and Indians!  (And yes, I know that’s politically incorrect, but so the fuck am I, so it all balances out)

I never thought I’d be the kind of person who’d wake up early in the morning to exercise …

And I was right.

How to scare the hell out of the new generation: 

Put them in a room with a rotary phone, an analog watch, and a TV with no remote.  Then leave them directions on how to use all of the above in cursive.

Then once they escape the room, have their escape vehicle be a manual transmission.

Yup, me too. 

I’ve seen this one before and it’s still just as funny now as it was before.  

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100% ? We have all been to those meetings where someone asks for a 110% effort. Here’s a little math that might prove helpful. What does it take to give 110% to a project/task/job?
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

Then:
H A R  D W  O  R  K
8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98%

K  N  O  W   L  E D G E
11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96%

But,
A T  T I T  U  D E
1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100%

And,
B U  L  L S  H I T
2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%

So, it stands to reason that hard work and knowledge will get you close, attitude will get you there, but bullshit will put you over the top. And look how far ass kissing will take you…

A  S  S  K  I  S  S I  N  G
1 19 19  11 9 19 19  9 14  7 = 118%

So, when ‘hard work, knowledge, attitude and bullshit fail,’ you know what where to start

When is the Employee Christmas Party for Self-Check Out at Walmart?

Wow!  What a unique and interesting label.

Dear Santa, 

I would like a new birthday suit this year.  My current one is old, wrinkled, and sagging.

“Don’t waste your breath on those who have earned your silence.” ~ Christine Szymanski

I’ve always known that the author of Pearls Before Swine is a genius … and here’s proof!  

“You’re going to come in contact with an awful lot of people who are at their absolute breaking point this week.  Friends, family, co-workers, teachers, strangers in the grocery store, retail workers.  While it may be the merriest time of the year for some, it may be the saddest, most stressful, loneliest, most heartbreaking for others. 

We’re all busy.  But we’re not too busy to be kind, caring, and patient.  Remember the best thing you can give someone this season is love.”

~ Amy Weatherly

True and wonderfully said Ms. Weatherly.  Thank you.

And according to AOC, these smash-and-grab robberies aren’t even taking place.

If you ever feel useless, remember it took 20 years, trillions of dollars, and 4 US Presidents to replace the Taliban with the Taliban.

Just to be perfectly clear, some of the “Old White Men” are the reason that we’re not speaking German or Japanese in America today!

If you hate it, leave it for those of us who love it!  If you hate it, why the fuck are you here?

And why do you still not fucking get it?!

Dinosaurs had no bacon. 

See how that worked out?

Do you know what 50 Cent did when he got hungry? 

58 

Please don’t delete me.

Some things to ponder as we get older

The inventor of the treadmill died at the age of 54   

The inventor of gymnastics died at the age of 57   

The world bodybuilding champion  died at the age of 41  

The best soccer player in the world, Maradona, died at the age of 60   

And then..

KFC inventor died at 94   

Inventor of Nutella brand died at the age of 88   

Cigarette maker Winston died at the age of 102   

The inventor of opium died at the age of 116 in an earthquake    

Hennessy inventor died at 98   

How did doctors come to the conclusion that exercise prolongs life?

The rabbit is always jumping, but it lives for only 2 years. The turtle that doesn’t exercise at all, lives 400 years.

So …

Have a drink …

Take a nap …

And, if you wake up, have bacon & eggs!

I laughed so hard at this.  Christmas Nipples.  At school.  Makes me want to go out and try it myself.

And that’s it for today my friends.  A little closer to surgery.  A little more nervous.  Thank you all for the prayers and well wishes that I am still receiving.  I’ll let you all know and keep you all informed as best as I can.  Love and happiness to you all.