Today is my dear Mary’s birthday. Thursday, March 24th. She would have been 54 years old. I’m writing this on Monday, three days before hand and I’m already freaking out. I don’t know what to do, how to act, I’m not sure I know how to breath at this point. It’s been two and a half months and I still expect her to be home when I walk through the door at the end of the day.
7 stages of grief: Shock or disbelief, denial, bargaining, guilt, anger, depression, and acceptance/hope.
5 stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
6 stages of grief: Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance, and meaning
4 stages of grief: Shock and numbness, Yearning and searching, disorganization and despair, and reorganization and recovery
You understand what I’m saying here? No? Me either really except that there is a million theories and none of them, NONE OF THEM truly explain what really goes on inside someone’s head when they are grieving. I think the 5 is probably the closest to what I’m going through, minus the bargaining. There is/was no bargaining. The doctor laid it all out for me, gave it to me straight, told me there was no chance, because I told him to. I wanted it straight up, flat out, no shit. And he gave it to me that way. I didn’t want any false hope, so therefore, there was/is no bargaining.
I think my counselor explained it best, (oh, and if you haven’t figured it out, I’m writing to get this shit out of my system, or if not get it out of my system, maybe exorcise some of my demons) (and yes, I have demons, lots of fucking demons) anyway, I think my counselor explained it best when she said that the grief spectrum is not cyclical, it’s more popcornish. It jumps from spot to spot to spot. Sometimes different spots on the same day, hell, sometimes on different spots on the same hour! Denial to anger to depression back to anger back to depression to acceptance back to anger … you get the idea. There is also a great deal of anxiety thrown in. To the point of a full-blown anxiety attack, right now, as I’m typing. It’s been building over the last week.
AND I AM FREAKING THE FUCK OUT!
Last Thursday – St. Patrick’s Day Today (This Thursday) – Mary’s Birthday This Friday – Anniversary of my brother dying
I can’t breath. I miss her so much. It still so hard every single solitary day … hour … fucking minute.
And again, I find myself in a position to apologize to you all for being the recipients of my emotional sputum. But, you didn’t have to read this far if you didn’t want to. And it is cathartic for me, so thank you for your patience and understanding.
So now, let’s move on to other things, more enjoyable things, and maybe I can get lost in something enjoyable, if only for just a little while.
Just saw a tiktok challenge of “Try to write your name without raising the pen”. Congratulations GenZ, you’ve just discovered cursive.
The wings were … a mistake … that I made a few years ago. They’ve since grew back. We won’t speak of it again.
This next one is from Leah D. From a discussion on Grief. I won’t share her’s because it’s not my place, but I will say to her, that I do understand. But, she sent me this and I agree … 100%.
And a hundred million little things sets it off every single day.
Me In High School: Eats a Gordita Supreme and a dozen Krispy Kreme donuts at midnight…loses three peanuts.
Me Now: Goes up a pant size every time I swallow my spit.
“You Shall Not Pass!”
Okay, that one REALLY made me laugh!!!
Okay, this was pretty cool and for the record, I read it straight through without any problem at all…
Apparently, it’s rude to poke someone in the forehead and say “Skip Intro” when they start talking to you.
FUCK YOU Kissinger!
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.
Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Philosophy is wondering if a Bloody Mary counts as a smoothie.
Every box of raisins is a tragic tale of grapes that could have been wine.
After seeing what Biden has done in the last month, I want to thank him for not doing anything for the last 47 years.
Joe, let’s just forget the whole “Build Back Better” thing and I’ll settle for, put it back the way you found it!
Who else thought Blinded By The Light said, “Wrapped up like a douche, another runner in the night” or was that just me? LOL!
Wife: I have blisters on my hands from the broom.
Husband: Next time take the car, silly.
And that’s it for today my friends. Keep good thoughts for me today. It’s going to be a hard one for me. Love and happiness to you all.
It’s Monday morning and it was a nice, slow, uneventful weekend. Just what the doctor ordered. At least I’m assuming that’s what it was, since I’m writing this on Saturday morning. Is it wishful thinking? Seeing into the future? You guys will know by the time you are reading this. Another case of time travel. You gotta love it.
So, Putin is still being an asshole. Something has got to give. The best possible outcome would be a sniper takes him out.
And we have guys winning in women’s swimming. Stupidity on a half shell.
And someone asked me why I haven’t said anything about the truck convoy. Well, it’s kind of a bit of a story. See, there’s someone very important to me who’s a truck driver. He believes that driving truck is one of the most important jobs in the world. He thinks he is a damn good truck driver and is even entering the truck driver Olympics this year. He explained it to me like this: If truck drivers stop delivering goods for 24 hours, it takes 3 days for the stores and shelves to recover. If they stop delivering for 48 hours, it takes over a week for them to recover. If they stop delivering for 72 hours, it takes the country almost a month to recover and if the truck drivers stop delivering for 4 days the country never recovers. He explained that a REAL truck driver takes his job VERY seriously. It is very important. And rather than making a point to the government, who will never be hurt by a convoy, all they are really hurting is the average citizen who never did anything wrong to the truckers. They are the people who they serve. They are the people who they are supposed to be helping day to day. They are their customers. So, my perspective has been changed a little bit by this trucker.
And just so you know, this trucker is my son. The Whelpling. Who has been driving truck for many, many years.
So, anyway…Let’s get this party started. I’m sure I’ll have more to say later, but for right now…
Here’s a great story from “Friggin’ Pete” called:
For Just One Night
Our house was directly across the street from the clinic entrance of John Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore. We lived downstairs and rented the upstairs rooms to out-patients at the clinic.
One summer evening as I was fixing supper, there was a knock at the door. I opened it to see a truly awful looking man. “Why, he’s hardly taller than my eight-year-old,” I thought as I stared at the stooped, shriveled body. But the appalling thing was his face – lopsided from swelling, red and raw.
Yet his voice was pleasant as he said, “Good evening. I’ve come to see if you’ve a room for just one night. I came for a treatment this morning from the eastern shore, and there’s no buss ’til morning.”
He told me he’d been hunting for a room since noon but with no success, no one seemed to have a room. “I guess it’s my face… I know it looks terrible, but the doctor says with a few more treatments…”
For a moment I hesitated, but his next words convinced me: “I could sleep in this rocking chair on the porch. My bus leaves early in the morning.”
I told him we would find him a bed, but to rest on the porch. I went inside and finished getting supper. When we were ready, I asked the old man if he would join us. “No thank you. I have plenty.” And he held up a brown paper bag.
When I had finished the dishes, I went out on the porch to talk with him a few minutes. It didn’t take a long time to see that this old man had an oversized heart crowded into that tiny body. He told me he fished for a living to support his daughter, her five children, and her husband, who was hopelessly crippled from a back injury.
He didn’t tell it by way of complaint; in fact, every other sentence was prefaced with a thanks to God for a blessing. He was grateful that no pain accompanied his disease, which was apparently a form of skin cancer. He thanked God for giving him the strength to keep going. At bedtime, we put a camp cot in the children’s room for him. When I got up in the morning, the bed linens were neatly folded and the little man was out on the porch. He refused breakfast, but just before he left for his bus, haltingly, as if asking a great favor, he said, “Could I please come back and stay the next time I have a treatment? I won’t put you out a bit. I can sleep fine in a chair.” He paused a moment and then added, “Your children made me feel at home. Grownups are bothered by my face, but children don’t seem to mind.” I told him he was welcome to come again. And on his next trip he arrived a little after seven in the morning. As a gift, he brought a big fish and a quart of the largest oysters I had ever seen. He said he had shucked them that morning before he left so that they’d be nice and fresh. I knew his bus left at 4:00 am, and wondered what time he had to get up in order to do this for us.
In the years he came to stay overnight with us there was never a time that he did not bring us fish or oysters or vegetables from his garden. Other times we received packages in the mail, always by special delivery; fish or oysters packed in a box of fresh young spinach or kale, every leaf carefully washed. Knowing that he must walk three miles to mail these, and knowing how little money he had made the gifts doubly precious. When I received these little remembrances, I often thought of a comment our next-door neighbor made after he left that first morning. “Did you keep that awful looking man last night? I turned him away! You can lose roomers by putting up such people!”
Maybe we did lose roomers once or twice. But oh! If only they could have known him, perhaps their illness would have been easier to bear. I know our family always will be grateful to have known him; from him we learned what it was to accept the bad without complaint and the good with gratitude to God.
Recently I was visiting a friend who has a greenhouse. As she showed me her flowers, we came to the most beautiful one of all, a golden chrysanthemum, bursting with blooms. But to my great surprise, it was growing in an old dented, rusty bucket. I thought to myself, “If this were my plant, I’d put it in the loveliest container I had!”
My friend changed my mind. “I ran short of pots,” she explained, “and knowing how beautiful this one would be, I thought it wouldn’t mind starting out in this old pail. It’s just for a little while, till I can put it out in the garden.”
She must have wondered why I laughed so delightedly, but I was imagining just such a scene in Heaven. “Here’s an especially beautiful one,” God might have said when he came to the soul of the sweet old fisherman. “He won’t mind starting in this small body.”
All this happened long ago – and now, in God’s garden, how tall this lovely soul must stand.
And this beauty is from Ted.
IN REALITY..????
Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert.
Congress said, “Someone may steal from it at night.” So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.
Then Congress said, “How does the watchman do his job without instruction?” So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.
Then Congress said, “How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?” So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One was to do the studies and one was to write the reports.
Then Congress said, “How are these people going to get paid?” So they created two positions: a time keeper and a payroll officer then hired two people.
Then Congress said, “Who will be accountable for all of these people?” So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.
Then Congress said, “We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $918,000 over budget, we must cut back.” So they laid off the night watchman.
NOW slowly, let it sink in.
Quietly, we go like sheep to slaughter. Does anybody remember the reason given for the establishment of the DEPARTMENT OF ENERGY during the Carter administration?
Anybody? Anything? Anyone? No? Didn’t think so!
Bottom line is, we’ve spent several hundred billion dollars in support of an agency, the reason for which very few people who read this can remember!
Ready??
It was very simple… and at the time, everybody thought it very appropriate.
The Department of Energy was instituted on 8/04/1977,
TO LESSEN OUR DEPENDENCE ON FOREIGN OIL.
Hey, pretty efficient, huh???
AND NOW IT’S 2022 — 45 YEARS LATER — AND THE BUDGET FOR THIS “NECESSARY” DEPARTMENT IS AT $242 BILLION A YEAR. IT HAS 16,000 FEDERAL EMPLOYEES AND APPROXIMATELY 100,000 CONTRACT EMPLOYEES; AND LOOK AT THE JOB IT HAS DONE!
(THIS IS WHERE YOU SLAP YOUR FOREHEAD AND SAY, “WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?”)
Ah, yes — good old Federal bureaucracy.
NOW, WE HAVE TURNED OVER THE BANKING SYSTEM, HEALTH CARE, AND THE AUTO INDUSTRY TO THE SAME GOVERNMENT? What can possibly go wrong?
Okay, this one is for my sweet Mary…They are BOTH the wrong festive leaf!!! The first one, for obvious reasons, the second one is a four-leaf clover, which stands for good luck and all that, but has absolutely NOTHING to do with St. Patrick’s Day or the Irish!! That would be a feckin’ SHAMROCK, which has 3 leaves! A favorite of St. Patrick’s which he used to teach of the Holy Trinity, that being the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. A DEFINITE and EMOTIONAL hot spot for my dearest.
Yes, we were a couple that dressed in matching outfits for St. Patrick’s Day.
Yes, it’s an Impish Dragon Meme
Don’t be afraid of being different, be afraid of being the same as everyone else.
This picture reminds me of the old Bowery Boys TV show
Scientists have found that one dog year does NOT equal 7 human years.
In fact, the only thing that equals 7 human years is 2020.
It has also been determined that the year 2021 is equal to 10.75 years and, so far, the year 2022 is looking to be equal to approximately 137 +/-5 years.
Sometimes, just hanging out on the rooftops is all the fun I need.
This next one comes from my dad, Papa Dragon Most Senior
The average age of the military man is 19 years. He is a short haired, tight-muscled kid who, under normal circumstances is considered by society as half man, half boy. Not yet dry behind the ears, not old enough to buy a beer, but old enough to die for his country. He never really cared much for work and he would rather wax his own car than wash his father’s, but he has never collected unemployment either.
He’s a recent High School graduate; he was probably an average student, pursued some form of sport activities, drives a ten year old jalopy, and has a steady girlfriend that either broke up with him when he left, or swears to be waiting when he returns from half a world away. He listens to rock and roll or hip-hop or rap or jazz or swing and a 155mm howitzer. He is 10 or 15 pounds lighter now than when he was at home because he is working or fighting from before dawn to well after dusk. He has trouble spelling, thus letter writing is a pain for him, but he can field strip a rifle in 30 seconds and reassemble it in less time in the dark. He can recite to you the nomenclature of a machine gun or grenade launcher and use either one effectively if he must. He digs foxholes and latrines and can apply first aid like a professional. He can march until he is told to stop, or stop until he is told to march. He obeys orders instantly and without hesitation, but he is not without spirit or individual dignity. He is self-sufficient. He has two sets of fatigues: he washes one and wears the other. He keeps his canteens full and his feet dry. He sometimes forgets to brush his teeth, but never to clean his rifle. He can cook his own meals, mend his own clothes, and fix his own hurts. If you’re thirsty, he’ll share his water with you; if you are hungry, his food. He’ll even split his ammunition with you in the midst of battle when you run low. He has learned to use his hands like weapons and weapons like they were his hands. He can save your life – or take it, because that is his job. He will often do twice the work of a civilian, draw half the pay, and still find ironic humor in it all. He has seen more suffering and death than he should have in his short lifetime. He has wept in public and in private, for friends who have fallen in combat and is unashamed.
He feels every note of the National Anthem vibrate through his body while at rigid attention, while tempering the burning desire to’ square-away’ those around him who haven’t bothered to stand, remove their hat, or even stop talking. In an odd twist, day in and day out, far from home, he defends their right to be disrespectful. Just as did his Father, Grandfather, and Great-grandfather, he is paying the price for our freedom. Beardless or not, he is not a boy. He is the American Fighting Man that has kept this country free for over 200 years.
He has asked nothing in return, except our friendship and understanding. Remember him, always, for he has earned our respect and admiration with his blood. And now we even have women over there in danger, doing their part in this tradition of going to War when our nation calls us to do so.
As you go to bed tonight, remember this shot. . … A short lull, a little shade and a picture of loved ones in their helmets.
Lord, hold our troops in your loving hands. Protect them as they protect us. Bless them and their families for the selfless acts they perform for us in our time of need.
The debt that is owed by each of us to each of these men and women is unpayable. They have voluntarily put their own lives up for the rest of ours. But there are things that we CAN do. As individuals we can say thank you when we see them. We can treat them with the respect they deserve. More importantly, as a country, we can pay them better, treat them better, take care of them better when they return broken and damaged. When they are homeless we can find them places to live. We can treat them better than the fucking illegal aliens are treated who are breaking the damn law to come here and who have done NOTHING for our country, but the shit faced politicians are falling all over themselves to do things for trying to get their votes because they know that the vets won’t give them their votes like that. The fucking left wing politicians will fall on their knees and suck your dick for a vote if you’re an illegal alien, but if you offer to die for your country, they won’t even talk to you. Yeah, we owe these guys a lot. One of the most important things we, as individuals, can do for them is to get these worthless pieces of shit out of office.
This one is from Ted and it fits in perfectly with my opening statement
An apple a day is bullcrap. Apples are dangerous. Just look at Eve, Snow White, or any pig at a luau…
Sometimes I find a random screw lying around my house and I just assume it’s from my life falling apart.
Don’t think of yourself as a meme thief.
Think of yourself as a Digital Media Redistribution Agent for Dragon Laffs.
NOT RECOMMENDED FOR CHILDREN UNDER 6!!!!!!???????
I can remember when I was just a young dragonette, the doctor telling my mom to drink a beer every night to help her gain weight. It didn’t work.
I just wanted five minutes to drink my coffee in peace, so I sent my kid in the other room to look for a toy that is in my pocket.
Follow me for more parenting hacks.
I have done this one so many times that Izzy Dragon, when she was little, got to the point that she would check my pockets first, before she would go to the other room. So, I had to pre-plan and hide the toy somewhere I knew she wouldn’t find it before I sent her to search for it. And then later, sneak it out of its hiding spot so she didn’t see. The gun safe worked really well…or on top of the cabinets in the bathroom.
I’ll bet it was an instantaneous cure! Who gave a shit about a toothache when you were all coked up?
Oh, shit! Duck!
Too late.
Y’all be sure to leave those Biden signs in your yard…so people will know where to siphon gas when it’s $8.00 a gallon.
Never Forget: Democrats cheered rioters for eight months before they were “outraged” by January 6th.
The most precious metals on earth are the Dog Tags of the Warriors who stand between Our Country and the Evil that many claim doesn’t exist.
If you’re offended by Nativity Scenes, Charlie Brown, Rudolph, or “Baby, it’s cold outside…” Maybe life outside your Mom’s basement, just isn’t for you.
Hey Joe, I was separated from my family on a number of occasions while I protected this Country. Can I get $450,000?
No? Why not? Because I’m not an illegal, law-breaking, alien? Just a loyal, honest, hard-working, willing-to-give-up-my-life-for-you military veteran? And because you know that means you don’t have a chance in hell of getting my vote.
And THAT, dear Campers, is the honest truth. THAT is why the illegal aliens get all the benefits they get, why they get all our money, why the borders are open, because the fucking democrats know that if you pay someone or bribe someone, you can pretty much count on their vote.
“We Don’t Lick People!”
~ Lies Adults Tell Kids
I Don’t Just Have A Chip On My Shoulder
…I’ve got the whole damn potato
Um…shouldn’t you contact a veterinarian immediately?
Absolutely wild!
Are you sweating whilst putting petrol in your car? Feeling sick when paying for it? You have the CAROWNERVIRUS!
Being conceived in the back of a Jeep don’t make you part Cherokee.
And that’s it my friends. Hope you have a great week. May you find love and happiness.
It’s Saturday. I made it through St. Patrick’s Day…barely. There were tears. There was gnashing of teeth and wailing. Now, I have two more events to get through. One on Thursday and one on Friday. My darling Mary’s birthday is Thursday and I’m already wound up about it. It’s like I’m on the edge of a panic attack and have been for the past couple of days and it’s been getting worse each day. Basically I’m freaking the fuck out.
So … I NEED to laugh. Need to laugh bad. So, won’t you guys join me?
Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, surrounded by assholes. ~Sigmund Freud
The government is finally legalizing weed. Because that’s what you do when you’re broke and desperate. You sell drugs.
My hobbies include long scrolls down my phone, talking to my pets, binge watching Netflix, singing in the shower, staying in my PJs too long, being tired all day…then not sleeping at night, drinking everything but water, ordering stuff online, reading about new diets while eating cake, and making lists of things I will never do…
Dragons and Celtic Crosses have a long history together. There is magic in both.
I’ve just turned off the news and put on a serial killer documentary to relax.
This is exactly what my Mary would have said! LOL!
New Dieting Tip!
Just fill up your car’s fuel tank and you won’t be able to afford groceries!
Good luck!
Which makes perfect government sense.
Gas so damn high the mailman is working from home. He called me yesterday and read my bills to me.
I’ve got a little secret…
McDonalds closed 850 stores in Russia this week, which is their way of enforcing a no fry zone.
A man in Moscow buys a newspaper, glances at the front page, and throws it away. He does the same thing every day. Eventually, the seller snaps. “Why DO you do that?” “I’m just checking for an obituary.” “But obituaries aren’t on the front page!” “The one I’m looking for will be.”
The cops just left. They said if I was gonna walk around the house naked, I have to do it inside.
Sometimes I tuck my knees
into my chest and lean forward.
( That’s just the way I roll.)
~ Aussie Peter
It seems the monsters under my bed are afraid of the skeletons in my closet.
That was sent in by Friggin’ Pete and it helps a lot right now. Thanks, Pete.
“Siri, why am I so bad at relationships with women?”
“This is Alexa.”
An odd place to end, but that has to be that for tonight. Ran out of time and battery power and strength. Love and happiness to you all, until next time.
Well, it’s Thursday. It’s been a long week. They are all getting longer and longer.
Teaching class today. Special mid-week class. Should be fun, I have some special guests in today’s class.
Not much to go over this week. I’m a bit anxious, stressed and depressed. Mrs. Dragon’s birthday is coming up, today is St. Patrick’s Day, one of Mary’s “special” days, being very Irish. So, it’s a bit of a bad week coming for me. So, we need some laughs my friends…real bad.
Luke Skywalker was in a Chinese Restaurant having trouble eating with chop sticks until he heard a voice saying, “Use the forks, Luke.”
I like that part of America where if you put mayonnaise on potatoes it becomes a salad.
I agree sex is great, but have you ever tried grocery shopping without kids?
Just an example of some of the wall art in the offices of Dragon Laffs, Inc.
A man asked me for a dollar. I told him I only carry big bills. He said give me one of those. I gave him my electric bill.
More proof that the young of today won’t survive.
Things I hated as a child: Getting spanked and naps.
Things I love as an adult: Getting spanked and naps.
Fuel: $4.15 per gallon
Full Tank: $140.00
Drive off from gas station without paying: Court date 6 weeks later and $80.00 fine.
Savings: $60.00
Subscribe for more money saving tips!
Record keeping of trespassers
You kids today with you legal weed…
Back in my day, we had to walk a mile uphill in the snow to meet a sketchy guy in an alley.
We paid what he asked, and we smoked what he had, and WE LIKED IT.
THAT IS AWESOME!!
Turn A Blind Eye
Meaning: To ignore situations, facts, or reality
Origin: The British Naval hero, Admiral Horatio Nelson, had one blind eye. Once when the British forces signaled for him to stop attacking a fleet of Danish ships, he held up a telescope to his blind eye and said, “I do not see the signal.” He attacked, nevertheless, and was victorious.
Caught Red-Handed
Meaning: To be caught in the act of doing something wrong
Origin: This originates from an old English law that ordered any person to be punished for butchering an animal that wasn’t his own. The only way the person could be convicted is if he was caught with the animal’s blood still on his hands.
Go The Whole Nine Yards
Meaning: To try your best at something
Origin: During World War II, the fighter pilots were equipped with nine yards of ammunition. When they ran out, it meant that they had tried their best at fighting off the target with the entirety of their ammunition.
Let One’s Hair Down
Meaning: To relax or be at ease
Origin: In public, the aristocratic women of medieval times were obliged to appear in elegant hair-dos that were usually pulled up. The only time they would “let their hair down” was when they came home and relaxed.
Cook The Books
Etymology: From the mid-17th century. A metaphor based on cooking, whereby ingredients are changed, altered and improved. Thus financial statements can also be so modified to the benefit of the “cook”.
It’s about the journey, not about the destination. No matter what you’re working for, take a few moments to appreciate the present. You’ve traveled a long way to get here. That’s worth celebrating.
Shapiro sits down next to Rabinowitz on the subway. Shapiro reaches into his wallet and pulls out a photo.
“That’s my wife,” he says. “Gorgeous, isn’t she?
Rabinowitz shrugs. “If you think she’s pretty, you ought to see my wife.”
“Why, is she gorgeous too?”
“No, she’s an optometrist.”
Grammar, the main difference between knowing “your shit” and knowing “you’re shit”.
Forgive and Forget?
I’m neither Jesus nor do I have Alzheimer’s.
Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, surrounded by assholes. ~Sigmund Freud
And that’s it for today my friends. I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did. May your days be filled with love and happiness.
It’s Monday morning! Did you remember to set your clocks ahead? Because it’s that time again.
Fall behind, Spring ahead and it’s Spring time, so we go ahead. One hour ahead. At one a.m. in the morning Sunday morning, you should have woken up, ran around your house and set all of your clocks ahead to two a.m. and then gone back to bed.
Or I suppose you could have just reset your clocks before you went to bed or after you got up…that would have worked too, I guess.
Anyway, I suppose we could go ahead and start laughing…since we’re already an hour behind.
Jean Kerr…
The only reason they say “Women and Children First” is to test the strength of the lifeboats.
Prince Philip…
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife
Harrison Ford …
Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself.
Jimmy Durante…
Home Cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is.
An old black and white photo of me and an old girl friend
Betsy Salkind…
Men are like linoleum floors. Lay ’em right and you can walk all over them for thirty years.
John Glenn…
As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind – every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.
David Letterman…
America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.
Old Italian Proverb…
After the game, the King and the Pawn go into the same box.
I stepped into an elevator today and a very large breasted woman stepped in with me.
As I was staring at her because I couldn’t help it, she says would you press one please, so I did.
I really don’t remember much after that.
“Um…here, YOU take the rock.”
That’s an awesome vent cover. That is JUST a vent cover, right?
I told my wife I saw a deer on the way to work.
She said how do you know he was headed to work?
The guy at the furniture store told me the sofa would seat 5 people without any problems.
Then it occurred to me, I don’t think I know 5 people without any problems.
Once upon a time there was a king who was only 12 inches tall. He was a terrible king, but he was a great ruler.
Johnny and Ruth are biking down a hill.
Ruth hits a tree. Johnny decides to continue on.
Ruthlessly.
We all know that Albert Einstein was a genius…
…but his brother Frank was a monster.
I had my patience tested.
I’m negative.
This next one is from our buddy Sasquatch who says, “This makes as much sense as anything I’ve heard.”
Some more really interesting words by Buddy Brown sent in by Sasquatch
An old man meets a young man who asks: “Do you remember me?”
And the old man says no.
Then the young man tells him he was his student, And the teacher asks: “What do you do, what do you do in life?”
The young man answers: “Well, I became a teacher.”
“Ah, how good, like me?” Asks the old man.
“Well, yes. In fact, I became a teacher because you inspired me to be like you.”
The old man, curious, asks the young man at what time he decided to become a teacher. And the young man tells him the following story: “One day, a friend of mine, also a student, came in with a nice new watch, and I decided I wanted it. I stole it, I took it out of his pocket. Shortly after, my friend noticed that his watch was missing and immediately complained to our teacher, who was you.
Then you addressed the class saying, ‘This student’s watch was stolen during classes today. Whoever stole it, please return it.’
I didn’t give it back because I didn’t want to.
You closed the door and told us all to stand up and form a circle. You were going to search our pockets one by one until the watch was found. However, you told us to close our eyes, because you would only look for his watch if we all had our eyes closed.
We did as instructed.
You went from pocket to pocket, and when you went through my pocket, you found the watch and took it. You kept searching everyone’s pockets, and when you were done you said ‘open your eyes. We have the watch.’
You didn’t tell on me and you never mentioned the episode. You never said who stole the watch either. That day you saved my dignity forever. It was the most shameful day of my life.
But this is also the day I decided not to become a thief, a bad person, etc. You never said anything, nor did you even scold me or take me aside to give me a moral lesson.
I received your message clearly. Thanks to you, I understood what a real educator needs to do.
Do you remember this episode, professor?
The old professor answered, ‘Yes, I remember the situation with the stolen watch, which I was looking for in everyone’s pocket. I didn’t remember you, because I also closed my eyes while looking.’
This is the essence of teaching:
If to correct you must humiliate; you don’t know how to teach “
Russia has already been cut off from CNN, Pornhub, and Facebook. The US is now working on depriving Russians of MacDonald’s and CocaCola. If they keep going with these sanctions, Russians will soon be among the healthiest, well adjusted and best informed people on the planet.
I think I’m starting to lose my mind.
But, as long as I keep the part that tells me when I gotta pee, I should be okay.
That’s it for today guys. Happy Day Light Savings Time. Happy Monday. May your days be filled with Love and Happiness.
Dragon Laffs 