The world is going to hell in a handbasket.

Yes, I know that’s a terrible way to start a Thursday morning, especially one before a long holiday weekend, but it’s true.  But, it’s Tuesday, I’ve got the news on and I’m watching coverage of the Texas elementary school shooting and right now, this 18 year old kid killed his grandma, a teacher, and fourteen children in this elementary school.  And they don’t even think he had any kind of relationship with the school.  Oh, and he’s dead too, so we may never know why.

I just got done watching a story on how the New York City subway killer turned himself in today and how violence in New York City is running ramped.  Mayor Adams doesn’t have a clue.  Now that COVID is “over” he wants all the businesses to bring people back to work to get all the other businesses in The City back up and running, but how can they, with violence so horrible in the Big Apple.  It’s safer to leave their people teleworking at home!  You can’t promise to keep our people safe, why the hell  should we bring them back to work?!

And, today, through the connections I have at work, I got a copy of the Manifesto of the kid who shot up the Buffalo food mart/shopping center.  That racist little son-of-a bitch is a little nut-ball.  I’d share the Manifesto with you guys, all one hundred and whatever number of pages of it, but it was sent to me FOUO (For Official Use Only) and I have to take that stuff seriously, but I’m sure if you look around on line somewhere you can probably find it.  Very well written, very well spoken, quite literary and eloquently expressed his White Replacementism and is nutty as a peanut butter sandwich. 

So yeah, Good Morning Campers and Happy Thursday.

I went to my second Group Grief Therapy Session meeting last night.  It wasn’t any easier last night then it was the week before.  We lost the married couple, but I understand they will be back, we lost the guy who was there for grieving the sudden divorce and a couple of the women were missing, and we gained a new woman, so for those of you with score cards, you will notice that that left me as the only male in the room.

THE ONLY MALE IN THE ROOM.
And you know at some point I cried. (Actually, it was a really tough video, I think we ALL cried.  I think a couple of the tables and chairs cried).  Three of the women threw boxes of tissues at me…and we all got a good laugh at that, so that was fun.  I am getting quite a bit out of these meetings, so that’s a good thing.  Since Monday is a holiday, we won’t have a meeting this Monday and I’m going to miss it.

Anyway, enough about that stuff for now.  I now have over a thousand unread emails.  The first unopened one is dated 4 May, so that should tell you how far behind I am.  I am trying to catch up as fast as I can.  I have NO pictures saved so I am using them as fast as I open them.  I am REALLY behind.  I need to take a whole day and just open emails.  Maybe this weekend.  But, for now, let’s get this party started!

Hydration Tip:
Drinking 1 gallon of water a day helps you avoid other people’s drama because you are too busy peeing.
Stay hydrated my friends!

Boy, ain’t that the truth!

I know a lot of retirement jokes, but none of them work.

It’s a little windy today.
Trash is blowing everywhere, so watch out for your ex.

Okay, I’m going to close my eyes and count to a hundred while you run and hide.

My nails are $45+, my hair is $150+, eyebrows $12 and in a relationship I’ll ask my man for $0.00.  My man is my boyfriend, not my father.  All you females need to stop viewing men as walking banks, period. and … okay, by now all the men have stopped reading.  No rob him blind, sis.

I’m sorry, the dogs gotta die.

125 Mind-Blowing Historic Facts & Trivia That Are Almost Too Weird to Be True

Really cool website sent in by Stephanie.  You can spend a lot of time going down through these weird facts.  Thanks Steph!  https://parade.com/1099930/marynliles/history-facts/

You remember I  told you about the Bivouac area, where we have our exercises.  It’s very unusual.  Unbeknownst to me, they made a YouTube video of how it was put together.  The man speaking is our new military squadron commander.  He also works in the squadron as a civilian and is one of the good ones.  So, here I share with you … How we got the Bivouac Area:

Uber is a little different at Dragon Laffs, Inc.

I think it would be great if Walmart added an upper level observation deck with a bar.

My wife is blaming me for ruining her birthday.  
That’s ridiculous, I didn’t even know it was her birthday.

You have to be a Star Trek fan to get that one.

Elon Musk should buy MTV and start showing videos again.

That is an AWESOME pizza!!!

Queso = Spanish for cheese

K, so = Southern for here’s the plan and y’all probably not gonna like it

I know this next one is late for Mother’s Day, but it was so good, I just had to share it.

And that’s just plain weird.

And that’s it for this one my dear friends.  Hope to see you again on Saturday.  Love and happiness to you, one and all.

So, the header above is from 2012.  Ten years ago.  Ten years ago this month.  I don’t know why I picked it for today, but I did.

I went to church this morning, to my buddy’s church.  It was interesting.  Really nice.  I cried.  Quite a bit, actually.  So, I suppose that’s a good thing.  Okay, service was a bit over an hour long.  Probably the first half was all music and singing.  But, not singing like normal hymns, although I would call them hymns, but hymns with more of a bit of a Country Western bent to them.  Now, that may have been because there was a key board, a couple of electric guitars and a couple of folk guitars, a bass guitar, and a drum set that no one was playing.  The words to the hymns were very specific to the theme of the day, which was Peace, with an underlying theme of Grace, and were more like preaching than singing, but were singing and not preaching and I’m not making sense, but that’s the impression that I got.

GRACE

Gods
Riches
At
Christ’s
Expense

Anyway, the second half of the service was the Pastor’s sermon expounding on the theme, and talking about his week (there were 3 funerals this week) and about what’s going on next week.  His talk made me cry, too.  I felt, overwhelmed, but in a good way.  A couple of people came up to me and said hello, but not too many.  I wasn’t smothered, but I wasn’t overlooked either.  Like it was just the right amount.  

I liked the church, I liked the people, I liked the message, I really liked the format, and I liked the internal feeling.  So, this one gets a second chance next week.  

And we’re going to discuss some of the other religious questions that we had with some of our friends in just a little bit, but first, we’ve got to get some laughter going here.

This “Killing Them With Kindness” is taking way longer than I expected.

Stoners will smoke a blunt in the car to prepare to kike thru the woods so they can smoke a blunt in the woods just to go back home to smoke a blunt.

It’s a good thing we don’t get as much government as we pay for.

Our magic act is considered one of the best in all the land.

I hate it when people say age is just a number.  Clearly, age is a word.

We were out burning ditches when my husband got stung on the forehead by a bee.  He’s in the ER now…face all swollen and bruised.  He almost died!!  He was very lucky because I was close enough to swat off the bee with my shovel.

The older you get, the more you appreciate cancelled plans, early nights, thunderstorms, the love of a good woman, and alcohol that is on sale.

Our all women’s baseball team has won pennant after pennant in their league!

A weasel walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “Wow!  I’ve never served a weasel before.  What can I get you?”
“Pop,” goes the weasel.

I didn’t think wearing orthopedic shoes would help, but I stand corrected.

Day 329 without sex:  I went to Starbucks today, just so I could hear somebody scream my name.

How to Prepare Tofu

Step 1:  Throw it in the Trash
Step 2:  Grill some Meat

Dems are bragging that Biden created 6 Million jobs!!! No, people just went back to work after the Pandemic.

9/11 — 2,997 killed
Pearl Harbor — 2,403 killed
Civil War — 1.5 million killed
Jan 6 — one unarmed Trump supporter killed
TOTALLY THE SAME THING.

This first one continues the conversation we’ve been having with Leah.  If you don’t remember from last issue, it has to do with the question of how to answer when someone asks what religion you are when you are not comfortable answering or don’t care to answer that particular person.

Okay, wow.  We gotta talk.  First of all, if you declare yourself a Leahist, how is that denying Him?  I quite easily explained myself as a Bobist, while also explaining how angry I was at God, and nobody who overheard the conversation had any doubt at all of my belief in the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

And I believe you should stay out of the Mother in Heaven fight.  Why would there be a fight over our Heavenly Mother?  Of course we have a Mother in Heaven.  If we are created in God’s image and we have an earthly mother, how can we NOT have a Heavenly Mother?  And how can she not be just as special and just as important?  I don’t understand what there is to fight about? 

I spent many years as a Mormon.  They taught me a lot.  And quite a few of their teachings helped develop my Bobist beliefs.  But, more than that, they were some of the kindest, most helpful, loving people I’ve ever met.  At least the ones in England were.  I can’t say as much for the ones in America in Indiana, that’s when I moved on from the church and moved on to other things for what I would call “political” reasons (too much to go into here) but the people themselves?  Absolutely lovely!

Don’t worry so much about what other people think.  Worry about how you feel.  Do you feel right with God?  Is He happy with your words and actions?  Are you happy with your words and actions?  If so, then who gives a damn what other people think?  And if you manage to piss the evil ones off, more’s the better.

And Dearest Stephanie weighed in, too: 

And this one is from Dearest Stephanie and many others who have sent me messages asking me to pass the same sentiment on to Dear Helen…

And that’s it my friends.  I am done for the night.  May your days be filled with Love and Happiness.

So, it’s Thursday morning and I’m off work. No, not a holiday and I’m not sick.  Just had a rough night last night emotionally, and because of that, spent a pretty much sleepless night last night and the way I’m feeling, I am in no shape to go to work today.  Emotionally, I just couldn’t handle it.  

So…that’s me this morning.  I’ve already gotten 3 work calls.  But, that’s okay.  I know my guys need me.  It’s nice to be needed.  I can’t wait till my surgery when my son will have my cell phone for the several hours that I will be in surgery and I told him to answer my phone.  He is enough like me that his voice WILL be confused with mine.  Everyone will be sure they will be talking to me.  And he is going to hate it.  LOL!  I can hardly wait.

Anyway, Let’s get into the laughter and maybe we’ll find time to get into some other things later on.

Sad News!
I broke up with my girlfriend Loraine.  She found out I was seeing another girl, Claire Lee.  
Good News Though!
I can see Claire Lee now, Loraine is gone!

If you don’t get it…you’re too young.

I just ordered a Life Alert bracelet so if I get a life, I’ll be notified immediately.

Mother Nature apologizes for the late arrival of Spring.
Father Time was driving and refused to stop and ask for directions!

And then Summer leaped out in the middle of the road and caused a huge accident!

AND we have the BEST rides!

Ladies, if you come across a man who is smart, humble, well educated, financially secure, passionate, patient, mind blowing in bed, hot, great at fixing things around the house, can cook, loves you like he can never get enough of you, and listens to every word you say…

Then please be assured that the shit you are smoking is of superior quality.

I finally figured out what I want to be when I get older…

…Younger.

“Hey! Hey! Hey! Little Goyle!  I gots a message for youse from da big guy! He says youse can come home now.  Like, right now.  Kapeesh?  Get you’s skinny hiney up outta dere and getta move on!”

The man is absolutely, 100% right!

“Alright, Pal!  I’m tired of you picking on all my smaller friends!  How about you try picking on someone your own size for a change?  Not too much fun now, IS IT MUTHAFUCKA!”

I finally found a diet plan that really works.  It’s called “The Price of Food.”

Ask Alexa, “What is a woman?”. Ketanji Brown Jackson needs to know.

I identify with Dorothy.  

I seem to attract men who are cowards, have no heart or are in need of a brain.  

I have no idea why Politicians are attracted to me.

Stop saying, “They didn’t teach us that in school.” 
Yes, they did!
You were talking.

Right when we needed somebody really good.

THAT WORKS FOR ME!!!!  It just cost me $65 to fill the tank on my FRIGGIN’ EQUINOX!  It’s not like it’s a big car, it’s a normal size car and it cost me $65 to fill it up!  It wasn’t even all the way empty!!!!

You know, if Biden is the worst President ever, this guy was the biggest asshole President ever!

AND THIS BITCH!!!!

Yup!  That was gonna be my question.

I hope Elon Musk never gets into a scandal because ElonGate would be really drawn out.

Here’s a fun fact about bees.  Most of them are actually allergic to pollen.  When exposed to pollen, they develop hives.

2014:  Didn’t jog
2015:  Didn’t jog
2016:  Didn’t jog
2017:  Didn’t jog
2018:  Didn’t jog
2019:  Didn’t jog
2020:  Didn’t jog
2021:  Didn’t jog
2022:  Still haven’t jogged
This is a running joke.

I hate it when I’m singing a song and the artist gets the words wrong.

I haven’t done a Last Word in a while, but this one is important, and actually, it may even be a two parter.  Both of which are in response to two different comments that I received from readers.  Both of them serious.  The first one from Helen

HOLY
SHIT!
Boy do we have stuff to talk about this morning!
I was going to lead off with my Group Grief Therapy Counseling Session last night and tell you all about that, but that has to wait now, because when I got home from work this afternoon, I got the mail out of the mail box and noticed a bill from the medical association that I belong to addressed to Mrs. Dragon.  Wondering if this was finally the hospital bill showing up, I opened it and yup, sure enough, that was what it was!  Then I looked up in the upper right hand corner to where it says: 
PLEASE PAY:
And I dropped my fucking teeth!
$54,025.64
Fifty-four thousand, twenty-five dollars and sixty-four cents!!!!  Are you fucking kidding me!?!?  Apparently not!  I was going to call the hospital first, because at the bottom of the bill is a little note that says, “BALANCE REMAINING AFTER INSURANCE – PAYMENT NOW DUE We have been advised that your insurance will not be paying the remaining balance on your account.  If you question this information – please contact your insurance company.” Damn right I question this amount! “Please send payment in full upon receipt of this notice…” Well, you’re gonna have to wait for me to sell my fucking house first! “…or contact Customer Service to take advantage of our zero percent interest payment plans.”  Let’s see $54,025.64 divided by $10 a month is 5,403 months or 450 years and 3 months.  That ought to do it.

So I called the insurance company.  And we had a “What the Fuck” conversation.  Come to find out, they denied the claim.  I said, “Huh?”  Because they were trying to “coordinate coverage” which is insurance speak for did you have any other insurance coverage other than us?  No, I didn’t.  Which I told you guys three times over the last three or four months.  You sent me a letter that said please fill out the enclosed form.  There was no enclosed form, so I called you up and said, “Hey, you sent me a letter that said please fill out the enclosed form and there was no enclosed form and you said oh, we just needed to know if you have any other insurance other than ours and I said no I don’t and you said oh, that’s all we needed, we’ll take care of it from here and that happened two more times and now you’re telling me that my wife has been dead for over four months and now the bill is coming due and you guys STILL DON’T HAVE THE SITUATION FIXED!!!!  Anyway, very long story short, a lovely lady named Kim got the whole thing straightened out and even called the hospital billing department while I was on the phone and told them that they would be processing the bill posthaste and how long it would take them to get their payment.  I’m not sure what my portion of the bill will be, I’m sure at $53K it’s still going to be substantial, but I don’t think I’m going to have to sell the house.

So now, Grief Group.  It was … good.  Interesting.  Not what I expected at all.  There were seven women (ten if you count the three women who were the … leaders (?) of the group) and three men.  One of the men was married to one of the women, but they were the only couple.  Some of the people were there for the second or even the third time.  They were going through this same thirteen week program over again.  I guess that’s a thing.  There is a workbook.  But, it’s not weird doing group counseling out of a workbook.  I thought it would be.  The workbook is more for taking notes during the approximately 45 minute video portion that is on a different topic each week (oh, by the way, each session is two hours long) and for homework that you have each night.  

Well, I laughed, I cried, I got angry, but overall it was good to be able to express myself with a group of people who were going through the same things that I am going through.  The first session, as you can imagine, was more of an introduction to things, but we got into some good conversations.  I really thought it was worth it and I’m looking forward to next week, so that has to count, right?

But, emotionally, I’m feeling a little tender today.  I’m not sure if it’s rebound from the emotions from last night, the sticker shock from the bill I got in the mail (I don’t think it’s that because I was feeling this way before I got home, although I’m SURE that didn’t help) or it might just be Tuesday.  So, what do you say we get to the laughter part of the day and see if we can’t get ole Impish back towards the straight and narrow, or in my case, the wide and twisted.

Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.

Oh, by the way, if you are wondering why you haven’t heard back from me or seen a cartoon or a meme that you sent me yet…well, right at this second, I have 756 unread emails that I am slowly making my way through.  The next one up is from Steve and I got it on May 2nd.  So that was only 2 weeks ago.  Damn!

Dammit!  I feel old!

 

How’s the diet going? 

Not good.  I had eggs for breakfast. 

Scrambled? 

Cadbury.

Remember when you were little and you would get in the above ground pool and spin in a circle with all your friends around the edge of the pool?  Around and around and around the edge of the pool until you started to form a whirlpool? And you keep going round and round and the water would go faster and faster and faster? 

Well…dragons like to do that, too.

Me:  Alexa, remind me to go to the gym. 

Alexa:  I have added Gin to your shopping list. 

Me:  Close enough.

Just convinced myself to have a banana instead of a can of Pringles. 

This is now a fitness page.

Our office softball team is doing VERY well this year.

So, I can’t remember if I told you this or not, so pardon me if I’m repeating myself.  I’m feeling REALLY strongly drawn to go back to church.  And it’s pissing me off.  I am NOT a church person.  Let me clarify that point a little bit for you. 

So, for me to say that I’m being drawn back to church, then you know that the end of times are near.
No, seriously, I am a religious person, as we’ve discussed many times before, I consider myself a learned man when it comes to things of a religious nature, and I believe that God and I have a very good relationship.  My problem is, that there aren’t any churches out there that line up with my beliefs.  So, being drawn to go back to church, I went to Catholic Mass a couple of weeks ago (that’s the part that I thought I told you guys before).  Now, having been born and raised Roman Catholic, and having left the Catholic Church approximately a gazzilion years ago (yes, about the same time the Apostles were writing the Gospels.  Yes.  I’m that old) things have changed a tiny bit.  It’s still the same basic format, but they’ve modernized the language some.
Now, the day I went, I do believe my Heavenly Father led me to go to that particular Mass because the Priest had a very special Homily (that’s the Priest’s sermon) that touched me quite deeply.  I won’t go into the specifics, but it was quite meaningful for me at that time.  I wish I could have bopped in just for that 15 minutes, but, there you have it.
Anyway, this coming Sunday, I do believe I am going to try my buddy’s church that is just down the block from me.  He speaks very highly of it.  I’m not sure what flavor of Christian it is, but I am to understand that they serve donuts before the service and if I get there at no later than 0945 I may even lay claim to one of the last apple fritters.  And as everyone who is anyone knows, a dragon can always be enticed and captivated by a fresh apple fritter.  It is one of our few kryptonites.  

HOLY CRAP!!!!

I just got my musician friend a “Get Better Soon” card.  He isn’t sick.  I just think he can get better…

YUCK@

Yup.  That’s the reason.

About time to break out the 25 piece patio set …

1 chair and 24 beers

It was a sad and disappointing day when I discovered my Universal Remote Control did not, in fact, control the Universe.

(Not even remotely.)

And that’s it my friends.  Love and happiness to you all.  May you find a little peace in your life.

Gonna be a shorter issue this morning.  Worked all weekend and now it’s Sunday night and I feel like crap!  I can’t wait to get this damn hip surgery done, it really hurts to stand on my feet too long.  But, I’m going to try to put something together for you guys for tomorrow. 

Another thing … I have my first Grief Group tonight and I’m a tiny bit apprehensive.  I am looking forward to it though.  I’ve been getting their daily emails and have enjoyed them.  I’ll be able to tell you guys all about it later this week.  But for now, ….

I don’t always walk the walk or even talk the talk, but if you ever need someone to drink the drink, I’m totally there for you.

I got an email today asking for $19.95 to teach me how to read maps backwards.  It turned out to be spam.

Leah D sent this to me, and it touched me deeply.  It means a lot.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.  Thanks Leah.

The line – “The world’s greatest tragedy, souls who are not remembered cannot survive.” really hit me hard.

So…Stephanie stopped by the office the other day…

In a shoe repair store in Vancouver BC: “We will heel you; we will save your sole, we will even dye for you. 

At an optometrist’s office: “If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.”

On a plumber’s truck: “We repair what your husband fixed.”

At a Car Dealership: “The best way to get back on your feet – miss a car payment.”

Outside a Muffler Shop: “No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.”

In a veterinarian’s waiting room: “Be back in 5 minutes. Sit. Stay.”

At the Electric Company: “We would be delighted if you send in your payment on time. However, if you don’t, YOU will be de-lighted.”

In the front yard of a Funeral Home: “Drive carefully. We’ll wait.”

Sign on the back of a Septic Tank Truck: “Caution – this truck is full of Political Promises.”

Husband’s call: “Honey, it’s me. I don’t want to alarm you but I was hit by a car as I was leaving the office. Paula brought me to the hospital. They have checked me over and done some tests and some x-rays. The blow to my head was severe. Fortunately, it did not cause any serious internal injury. However, I have three broken ribs, a compound fracture in the left leg, and they think they may have to amputate my right foot.”

Wife’s Response: “Who is Paula?”

When people bring up your past tell them Jesus dropped the charges.

“So, you were trying to sneak into Impish Dragon’s Cave.  Now, you’re going to pay.”

I just replaced my litter box with a FedX box, now when it’s full I just tape it shut and put it on my porch for someone to steal.

I have a friend who writes music about sewing machines.  He’s a Singer songwriter.

Or sew it seams.

Okay, this one is also worth a …

If you throw your hands in the air like you just don’t care, make sure you put your coffee cup down first.

Coffee is vital for survival.  Dinosaurs didn’t have coffee, and look how that turned out.

That has to be it for today my friends.  Love and happiness to you all.