It is Saturday!  It has been a week!  Grief Group, Physical Therapy, a real live meeting at the Sherriff’s Office (LEPC meeting, which stands for Local Emergency Planning Committee), more Physical Therapy, Teleworking every day, with a full 8 hours of telework on Thursday … IT’S BEEN A WEEK!  And I’m actually pretty happy about that.

Although, I did have one minor panic attack.  I’m not sure WHY I’m having these things.  They don’t really make much sense.  I’ve never had them before.  It’s gotta be part of my grieving process that’s not making any sense to me.  

Okay, so I just read several articles on line and it turns out that it IS part of the grieving process, just not recognized as such because it doesn’t happen to many people.  So, I’m not alone.  I’ll just bring it up at my next meeting and we’ll take it from there.

Another thing that Izzy has been doing with my help, I bought her a rock tumbler as a gift and we put the first load of rocks through.  It is a four step process.  I’ve never done this before, even as a kid, so I’m having as much fun with it as she is.  You put the rocks in a drum, add a special tumbling grit, which gets finer with each time you put it in, add a little water, and then you tumble it for several days.  The first tumble with the #1 grit was for 6 days.  They started out with a pre-packaged bunch of rocks that came with the kit, we used half of it and threw some of our own stones in there as well.  I put one of mine in, too.  I wish I had taken a picture of the before stones, but they were all just brown rocks.  Here is what they looked like after step one and 6 days of solid tumbling.

The one that’s circled is mine.  The second stage gets tumbled for 6 to 8 days.  So, next Saturday we’ll see what they look like.

Okay, we’ve talked about a bunch of other stuff, so now it’s time to talk about funny stuff, so let’s get there!

Not if you have to ask, dude.

If I got a dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you.

That’s cold blooded.

You’ve already lost because you’re asking.

Some angry guy with road rage just yelled out his window, “I’m gonna make your life a living hell!”

I yelled back, “Thanks, but I’m not looking for a relationship right now.”

Yeah, we all know this person, too.

And every man who has EVER been in a relationship will agree…

The Most Dangerous Animal in the World…

Is a Smiling Woman Sitting in Silence.

Good old cartoons!!!

This one is called Awaiting Santa … and it’s a beautiful picture that always brings a tear to my eye.

Boy, ain’t that the truth!

Sorry I sprayed that WD-40 in your mouth…

But it DID stop that noise you were making.

That is absolutely awesome advertising!!!

Back in my day, it was a game of dodgeball where you found out who really didn’t like you.

Nationwide manhunt for those who stormed the US Capitol!
That’s a good thing.
My question is this:
Why is there no nationwide manhunt for the people who burned and looted Seattle and Portland for over 150 days?
Why no manhunt for the people who burn down federal buildings?
Why no manhunt for people who burned churches?
Why no manhunt for people who threw Molotov cocktails, chemical irritants and explosives at police officers?
Why no manhunt for people who topple statues?
Why no manhunt for people who looted and burned private businesses?
Why no manhunt for people who brutally attacked elderly people merely for trying to defend their livelihood?

Why?  Could there be a hidden agenda?  Not so fucking hidden when you look at it that way, is it?

I got nuthin’, so it’s just gonna have to be because it’s a cool picture.

That was a long way to go to prove a point…

Although it does kind of emphasize her cheeks.

I’m gonna get smacked around for that one.

The only reason our government would want to disarm us after 243 years is because they are planning on doing something to us that we would shoot them for.

And you know that’s the truth!

Infestation !!! Who do we call for Pest Removal ?

In this crazy political season, a little religion might be appropriate so here is a short Bible study.

Remember what Jesus said: ‘Goats on the left, sheep on the right’ (Matthew 25:33).

Jesus also told Peter that if he wanted to catch fish do it from the right side of the boat. They did and filled the boat with fish.

John 21:6 (NIV) … He said, “Throw your net on the right side of the boat and you will find some.” When they did, they were unable to haul the net in because of the large number of fish.”

The Origin of Left & Right…often wonder why it is that Conservatives are called the “right” and Liberals are called the “left”?

How about this verse in the Bible: Ecclesiastes 10:2 (NIV) – “The heart of the wise inclines to the right, but the heart of the fool to the left.” It surely can’t get any simpler than that.

Spelling Lesson:

1. The last four letters in American……….I Can
2. The last four letters in Republican…… I Can
3. The last four letters in Democrats…….. Rats

End of lesson! …Test to follow in November 2022.

Remember, November 2022 is to be set aside as rodent removal month.

Please share this Bible Lesson with all your friends and email buddies to help achieve that goal.

Never grow a wishbone where a backbone ought to be.

I wouldn’t do anything for a Klondike Bar…but I would probably do some sketchy stuff for a full tank of gas.

Everyone says I should sign up for a 401k, but I don’t think I can run that far.

“A Vodka, Please.”

“Umm, this is McDonald’s…”

“Okay, Whatever, A McVodka, Please.”

Gotta share this comment from our Nursey Camper Friend Marsha ’cause it’s so much fun!

WHAT ABOUT THE MORE THAN 4% WHO HAVE ATTEMPTED WORLD DOMINATION!?!?!?

I think that slice indicating the amount of time spent doing what they were elected to do is a bit generous…probably extremely generous.

Sadly, there are way too many military members who are beginning to feel the exact same way.

We are hearing very similar sentiments over and over and over again.

If you don’t get it, I’m not going to explain it.

I like this next one, just because it’s something stupid enough that I would say it in real life if I could remember it…

Don’t use a big word when a singularly unloquacious and diminutive linguistic expression will satisfactorily accomplish the contemporary necessity.

I don’t really have a plan.  I rely on caffeine and weirdness to get me through the day.

I’ve NEVER Seen An Alcohol And Cigarette Shortage…

And that brings us to the conclusion of today’s episode my wonderful friends and family.  I hope you all had as much fun reading as I had writing.  Please have a wonderful weekend filled with love and happiness.  Until we meet again.

Just some of the critter friends that we’ve featured on the show from time to  time.  And some that I’m sure you’ll see again in the future…plus others.  I’ve actually started this one on Sunday evening while I’m listening to the police scanner of an active shooter event in Indianapolis at the Greenwood Park Mall while talking to my brother The Owl on text message.  He got the message through his “sources” down in Florida and reached out to me to make sure that neither Izzy Dragon nor I was in Indy today and he showed me how to use an app that both of us had to tune in to something in particular from anywhere in the country.  So…pretty cool.  There is a feature on there called “Popular” and it goes by the most listeners and when I tuned in there were more than 21,000 people listening in on this active shooter incident…on an app…on their phones!  Wild!  I talk on the radio as part of my job all the time, and you can listen on this app, so I guess I’m gonna have to mind my P’s and Q’s a little bit closer, lol. 

Nah!

Anyway, Izzy Dragon is at work tonight and I had plans to binge watch Stargate Universe that my buddy Wheats sent me Season 1 on Blu-ray on.  I really am enjoying it.  I’m on like episode 8 or something like that.  It’s really pretty good.  I’m not much into the Stargate thing, saw the original movie and that was about it, so this could jumpstart me into a whole new genre of stuff to watch. 

Okay, so I just looked it up and I’m actually watching the last of the Stargate stuff first!  Wheats, buddy what are you doing to me?  But again, that’s okay.  I may go back and watch the other stuff, I may not.  More of a book person, anyway. 

So, at this point, I think it’s time to slip into the beginnings of the fun stuff.  I have some mail and comments and stuff to get to, but for now, let’s start in on the laughter.

I’m trying to cut back on sugar so I started to browse the internet for advice on how to do so.
The first website I went to asked if I wanted to accept cookies. 
……
This isn’t going to be easy.

This chef on TV just said, “Where there’s fat, there’s flavor.”  I know he was talking about food, but I still took it as a compliment.

“I wuv you!”  Yeah … I was a bit goofy in high school.

Bet you all aren’t laughing at the Amish any more.  As they go clickety-clacking right on past the gas station.

I love to sing.  My music collection is mostly 70s rock and it’s amazing how I remember the words to songs that I haven’t heard in years.  One of the favorite things Mary and would do is put on the music collection in the car and drive and sing.  But, she would always turn the volume way up so she couldn’t hear me, BECAUSE I SUCK!  Oh my lord I am so bad.  But, I truly do love to sing!

My 3 year-old daughter asked, “Where does poo come from?” 
To make it simple, I said, “You just had breakfast, right?”
“Yes,” she replied.
“Well, the food goes in your mouth and down into your tummy.  Our body takes all the good stuff it needs out of the food and then what’s left goes down to your bottom and when you go to the toilet that comes out as poo.”
She looked confused and stared at me in stunned silence for a few seconds.  Then she asked, “And Tigger?” 

What should you do if you have two belly buttons? 

Give one to the Naval Reserve.

DO IT NOW!

“Fly my dragon!  Bring home my treasure!”

To the thief who took my anti-depressants:

I hope you’re happy!

[Walks into a book store] 

Me:  Do you have any books on turtles? 

Worker:  Hard back? 

Me:  Yeah, with little heads.

When you have two kids but only 17 cookies left and can’t have them fighting about unfair distribution so you eat all 17 cookies because you’re a good parent.

A thief broke into my house last night…He started searching for money, so I woke up and searched with him.

“Are you decent?” 

Not morally, but I’m wearing pants if that’s what you’re asking.

Let’s take the opportunity here to take a few minutes and do some mail, comments, stuff like that. Let’s start with one from Marsha, our nurse friend from several days back…

Biden can blame it on whatever he wants to blame it on, but we all know it’s his fucking fault!

Okay, we’ll do a few more to catch up to present, okay?

Friggin’ Pete sent us this great little essay that I’d like to share with the rest of you guys.

As a man, I used to think I was pretty much just a regular person, but I was born white, into a two-parent household which now, whether I like it or not, makes me a “Privileged”, racist and responsible for slavery.

I am a fiscal and moral conservative, which by today’s standards, makes me a fascist because I plan, budget and support myself.

I went to High School, got a degree, got in some college and have always held a job. But I now find out that I am not here because I earned it, but because I was “advantaged”.

I am heterosexual, which according to “woke” folks, now makes me a homophobe

I am not a Muslim, which now labels me as an infidel.

I believe in the 2nd Amendment, which makes me a de facto member of the “vast NRA gun lobby”

I am older than 60, making me a useless imbecile who doesn’t understand the writings on Facebook, Instagram or Snapchat.

I think and I reason, and I doubt much of what the “main stream” media tells me, which makes me a “Right-wing conspiracy nut”.

I am proud of my heritage and our inclusive American culture, making me a xenophobe.

I believe in hard work, fair play, and fair compensation according to each individual’s merits, which today makes me an anti-socialist.

I believe our system guarantees freedom of effort – not freedom of outcome or subsidies which must make me a borderline sociopath.

I believe in the defense and protection of America for & by all citizens, now making me a militant.

I am proud of our flag, what it stands for and the many who died to let it fly, so I stand and salute during our National Anthem so I must be a racist.

I believe in the rule of law and the law and order that the Police provide regardless of the flaws of a few. So I back the rampant Systemic racism that is so prevalent in all areas of our society.

So all together this make me a brutality loving Privileged racist homophobic advantaged fascist Right-wing conspiracy nut NRA gun carrying infidelic Facebook illiterate xenophobic borderline socialpathic anti-socialist Right-wing conspiracy nut militant.

Please help me come to terms with the new me because I’m just not sure who I am anymore!

Well, me too, Pete.  I dare say that there are a few others of us that need the same help.

Okay, ran out of time for more.  Love and happiness to you all.

Good Monday morning my friends.  I made it through the weekend.  Friday was a rough night.  But, otherwise, it was okay.

I realized something on Saturday.  I decided to go through my closet and clean out the clothes that are too big for me now.  A year ago I was wearing size XXXL shirts and size 48 pants.  Today, I am in XL shirts and 38 pants.  I haven’t been in clothes this small since I was an 18 year-old in Basic Training. 

And as of right now, I have nothing else to talk about, so let’s get right into the fun stuff. 

I am aghast!  Why would the Pope recognize the Nazis?  

Back in time quite a ways…

I know 5 people who are clinically insane…I’m 2 of them.

Kinda my job, but back in WWI.  Would’ve been good fun.

Living in Peru, IN I have to wonder where these two were working.

“Ma’am, have you seen my wife?  She is dressed the same as me.”
“Oh, so she’s dressed like a fucking idiot, also.”

Just because I give you advice, it doesn’t mean I know more than you, it just means I’ve done more stupid shit.

I asked my wife what women really want, she said attentive lovers.  Or maybe she said “a tent of lovers.”  I wasn’t really listening…

I drink wine, I read books, and I know things.

I admit, my pervert level is well above the national average, but I’m totally okay with that.

Women’s Magazine:

Page 14:  How to lose weight fast.

Page 15:  You’re beautiful the way you are.

Page 16:  Cake recipe.

AAARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!! God, that hurts just to LOOK at!!!!!!

I LOVE IT!!!

Okay, for this next one, I’m not sure of the validity of this.  I haven’t heard all of this, I have heard some of it.  I haven’t been able to verify all of it, but I also have no reason to doubt the truth of it.  I would like to know if any of the rest of you have heard any of this or have knowledge of this. 

More oddities re: TX School Shooter, if your pondering he is a

18 year old transvestite ILLEGAL ALIEN who lived with his grandma. 

Held a Part time job at McDonald’s (he worked 8 hours a week), for minimum wage. 

He dressed up in girl’s clothes — and had a VERY expensive female wardrobe. 

He dropped out of school because he was obsessed with playing video games.

He had a Brand new expensive game console. 

He also owned a brand new F250 pickup “fully loaded.”  

Weapons:  2 Brand new Daniel Defense (brand) AR15/M4 rifles, with Military grade Optics.

Each rifle is priced between 3,000 to 4,000 dollars.  

He had Thousands of rounds of Military grade ammunition.  

Owned and was wearing a thousand dollar bullet proof vest. 

He owned All this from his part time job at McDonald’s…?!

Ford F250 Platinum $71,000.00

Clothes $3000,00

Game Console $500.00

Rifles $6000.00/$8,000.00

Optics $1400.00 each

Ammo $900.00

Body Armor $1000.00

TOTAL –  $83,400.00

On a Minimum Wage job ??!!

Seems to me SOMEONE WAS FUNDING HIM, HELPING HIM and TRAINING HIM…

And oh – he just happens to have known the Buffalo shooter?  Seriously?!

And add to the fact that those rifles were EXACTLY like one of the rifles from the Las Vegas “shooter”. EXACTLY, down to the optics, AND the vertical fore-grip. And that particular configuration is only available and (legally owned) and only available to “Military and Law Enforcement” …

And all this just before the NRA Convention, how timely…

This is DEFINITELY worth thinking about.  And WHY is this the FIRST time I’m reading any of this, IF it’s true?

The Dragon Laffs, Inc. Trojan Horse.  How we take over other websites.

Things found in bodies: 
A woman came in complaining of pain in her uterus.  She eventually admitted that a few months ago she and her boyfriend wanted to have sex but didn’t have any contraceptives so they improvised and used a FINGERLING POTATO.  By the time she came into the clinic it had taken root in her uterus and had actually sprouted a leaf that could be seen at her cervix.

This one is GREAT fun:

Things found in bodies: 
My mom’s friend was a nurse for many years and she said the strangest thing she saw was a girl who came in because her boyfriend had stuffed her vagina with potato salad.

Really?  I expect stupid shit from the guys, but you women are supposed to know better.

You folks are getting worse and worse…

And one more:
Things found in bodies: 
I used to be a 911 operator.  I once took a call for a lady with a goldfish stuck in her vagina.  No idea if it was alive or dead when it went in, but she couldn’t get it out because the scales were facing the wrong way.

What did parents do with dirty diapers before they discovered the Walmart parking lot?

If I can make at least one person smile, pee their pants a little, or maybe spit out a drink, then my day was not wasted!

Why Biden keeps looking at his watch:

Okay, I want you to pay REALLY close attention to this next meme and keep it in mind between now and November…

And yes…maybe I am a little paranoid.  But, is it really paranoia if they really ARE out to get you?

A bad day with a bald head is better than a good day with a man bun.

To measure puns properly use a sighsmograph!

I’m someone’s reason to smile.  And probably someone’s reason to drink heavily.  I’m all over the place.

That’s it for today my friends.  I hope you enjoyed.  Love and happiness to you all.

It is absolutely amazing to me how embarrassing Biden is being on the world stage and how bad America looks right now.  He is such a fucking moron.  I’m ashamed of him.  He is actually going around the world begging other countries to produce oil when we have more oil buried under our country than anyone else does.  And he gave China some of our strategic reserves.  And why is no one calling him out for this shit?!  Why is everyone letting him get away with this crap?  I’m so over it!  HE NEEDS TO BE IMPEACHED!  He is incapable of properly leading this country.

Okay, I need to get to some laughter.  I have to go out in just a little while and if I get myself wound up before hand I’m not going to have a good night.  So, let’s get some laughter going and I can rant later. 

Most of the rest of have, too.

You know what is really sad?  People are all saying we should all be praying for our schools, but don’t want prayer in our schools.

Something to keep in mind: 
Farmers and truckers run on diesel.  When they can no longer afford fuel, the rest of us don’t eat.

Way cool!

A VERY old picture of me as a baby.  It’s actually in black & white.

Yup!

Whoopi, I want you to come for mine, personally.

Just saw what has to be the stupidest blog of the day:

“5 Reasons Why Breathing Air Is Good For You.”

Getting offended by something on the internet is like choosing to step in dog crap instead of walking around it.

I’m overwhelmingly surprised that someone let him have it in the first place.

Me:  Can you pass me the Rooster Sooster Sauce? 

Him:  The what? 

Me:  The Warsha Chester Sire Sauce. 

Him:  Are you having a stroke? 

Me:  The Worst Sister Shire Sauce.

Sure, cause we all have yachts to sail in together.

“It’s okay sweetie.  Tell me what the bad dragon did to you.”

This is a very worthy cause…give this man money!  He’s got a plan!

I learned two very important lessons in my life.  I can’t recall the first one, but the second one is that I need to start writing things down.

An Apology To My Wife: 

I am sorry. 
The kids were playing some sort of a cowboy game.
The five year-old kept yelling “Yippee Ki Yay”
I did not think.
Instinctively, I finished the phrase.
And now he knows a new word.

I laughed REALLY hard at that one!

So, this next one is a very interesting read.  You guys know that my son, the Whelpling, is a truck driver, so I have a soft spot in my heart for truck drivers.  He is NOT the author of the next piece, but he could be.  And this is just from ONE TRUCKER.  Multiply this by the thousands of men and women who drive for a living. 

HOLY CRAP!!!!!

All I’m asking for, is the right to the same weapons that I paid for the Taliban to own.   ~ Michael Malice

Here’s a good article sent to us by Stephanie.  A woman, legally armed at a party, took out an active shooter, saved lives, and will not be charged.  It’s a good thing she lived in an area not controlled by a prosecutor more concerned with criminal rights then victim rights.  Since it’s such a short article I’ll just include the whole thing here:

Police: Woman killed man who fired rifle into party crowd

Authorities say a woman in West Virginia fatally shot a man who began firing an AR-15-style rifle into a crowd of people at a party 

Having a little nap on the sofa before taking myself up to bed for my main sleep…I call that a snors d’oeuvre.

And he should be removed from any position of authority anywhere.  This man should not be allowed to be a dog catcher in a town with a single traffic light.  He is a fucking moron.  No.  I take that back.  That gives morons a bad name.

If it wasn’t Gin…

Gerald the Dragon:  Humans don’t hoard things? 

Human:  Sometimes, I guess.  So you have a big pile of gold somewhere? 

Dragon:  Absolutely not!  Those gold hoarding dragons really give us a bad name! 

Human:  So what do you hoard? 

Dragon:  …books… 

Human:  But you’re a fire dragon. 

Dragon:  I know!  I find these poor abandoned books, but I can’t even read them because I just know I’ll tear it or burn it.

[The human runs off and grabs an armful of books, before coming back to sit by the dragon] 

Human:  “Chapter One — Peter Breaks Through…”

[They lay there and read until the sunlight fades.  Gerald can’t keep a smile off his face]

The devil doesn’t come to you with his red face and horns, he comes to you disguised as everything you’ve ever wanted.

I Do Not have ducks.
Or a row.
I have squirrels,
And they’re friggin’ EVERYWHERE!

Today is my … or would be … my 27th Wedding Anniversary.  I felt it necessary to at least mention it.  I’m trying very hard to ignore it.  But, to be completely honest, my heart is racing and my hands are shaking and I’m trying very hard not to scream.  Unless you know me VERY well, you probably couldn’t tell that anything is wrong.  I think Izzy knows, because I yelled at some moron on the TV who said that arming the teachers at Robb Elementary would have been a bad idea.  Now, mind you, this is a guy who VERY OBVIOUSLY has never fired a weapon in self defense or had a weapon fired at him.  I basically ranted at the TV for 3 minutes.  So, she knows that I’m out of sorts.  But, probably not HOW out of sorts I am.  I’m hiding it well.  

Anyway, here shortly I’m going to Physical Therapy, then taking Izzy to her counselor appointment and then maybe take Izzy out to dinner somewhere.  But, by the time you guys are reading this tomorrow morning it will all be passed.  So…Love and Happiness to you all.  Be kind and forgiving to one another while you can.  Until next time.

Yes, you and your little dog Toto, too.  Anybody else thinks she looks like your 3rd grade teacher?  Gonna start something new today.  Gonna start putting my words in black, in regular print and everything else, the jokes, the laughter, other people’s words will be in some other color.  Mine should be in black, due to the seriousness of my words.  The importance of my words.  The forcefulness of … oh, who am I trying to kid?  I’m doing it this way because it’s easier to keep my train of thought when I’m ranting with this silly Word Press program.  Otherwise, every time I hit a new paragraph I have to reassign the font, and the color and the size.  This way, by using the presets, I don’t have to change anything.

So, anyway, welcome to Thursday.  It’s been an interesting week so far.  

Monday:  Did 4 hours of telework.  Went to the grocery story and walked the WHOLE store while pushing a grocery cart with Izzy.  Izzy kept telling me, “You can wait in the car if this is too much for you.  You can wait in the car if this is too much for you…” But, I wasn’t going to give up.  About half way through the store, the voice in my head started telling me, “You can wait in the FUCKING CAR!!!” But, I hung in for the whole thing.  And boy did I pay for it.  But, I was proud.  Proud and sore.  Dammit!  LOL!  Then Monday night I went to Grief Group, got wound up for Friday.  We talked a lot about forgiveness in all its different forms:

• Forgiving your loved one for passing (leaving)
• Forgiving yourself if:
  • You had something to do with the passing
  • You think you had something to do with it
  • You think you could have done something to prevent it
  • Etc.
• Forgiving someone else if THEY had something to do with your loved one’s passing, (i.e. doctor, drunk driver, shooter, etc.)

The funny thing is that in my Bible study lately one of the main topics has been forgiveness and in the book that I just finish, one of the subtopics/under plot arcs was forgiveness, AND not this past Sunday, but the Sunday before, the preacher at church gave a lesson on forgiveness.  So I’m wondering if God isn’t preparing me to get ready to forgive someone for something.  Ephesians 4:32.  I guess I’ll find out.

Now, let’s get to the good stuff, while we wait for the rest of the week to happen.

Songs will finish.
Gigs will end.
Bands will break up.
But people will NEVER FORGET the MUSIC AND MUSICIANS that touched their heart and soul.

Well, I didn’t get much done before we walked over to Tuesday.  It’s still early on Tuesday, but I won’t have much time to play today, so I’m going to try to get a little bit done before I have to leave.  I went to Physical Therapy this morning where they found out that I walked the grocery store yesterday and beat me up today for it.  I swear I heard them giggling over it behind my back.  Did my 4 hours of telework and tonight I’m going to go and play darts!  I can’t wait!  I haven’t played darts … real darts … well … in a long time.  

Okay, so why am I tearing up over playing darts?  Just because it was something that Mary and I used to love to do, I guess.  Maybe I’ll take some pictures and share them with you guys tomorrow.  

Anyway, back to the fun stuff.

This one is funny as hell.  Thanks to Stephanie for sharing.  This rooster loves his job!  To the point of passing out! https://www.facebook.com/groups/729606971086125/permalink/997057797674373/?sfnsn=mo&ref=share

“You actually ate my jellybeans!!!”

Where can I find a microwave that doesn’t beep so loud and let my whole family know I’m eating again.

Rules For Wearing Animal Print Yoga Pants:

1.  Weigh less than the animals they represent.

Probably closer to a 100 foot radius

It’s okay to talk to yourself…and okay to answer yourself.  But sad when you have to repeat what you said because you weren’t listening!!

Messenger has been sent to headquarters.  Help is on the way.

Well, my darts match didn’t work out so well tonight.  I guess I pushed a little too hard.  I got through the first couple of legs of the first match and had to forfeit.  I was slowing everyone down.  It was a lot harder than I thought it was going to be.  Everyone was very understanding, they do all love me a lot, after all, and would have gladly let me take as much time as I needed, but it was VERY obvious I couldn’t keep up.  I won the first leg and was shooting fairly well for not having shot anything at all this year, but it was too much for me. 

Sounds like an awesome plan to me!

 

Sometimes you meet someone and you know from the first moment that you want to spend your whole life without them.

God is looking down on humans right now thinking, “Damn.  Maybe I should try dinosaurs again?”

Wife:  I’m pissed!

Husband:  Again or Still?

I tried a non-alcoholic beer last night and I think I have discovered what my favorite ingredient in beer is.

Be weird.  Be random.  Be who you are.  Because you never know who would love the person you hide.

I’ll spare you the bullshit about my constitutional rights if you just fuck you!

Said no right thinking person anywhere.

When I was young, we didn’t have MTV.  We had to go to rock concerts and take drugs.

Trash cans at Disney Parks are placed 25 feet from hot dog stands.  Walt Disney made up the measurement by walking and eating a hot dog.

Q: What did the lawyer name his daughter?

A: Sue!

 

Q: What kind of key opens a banana?

A: A monkey!

 

Q: Why did the yogurt go to the art exhibit?

A: Because it was cultured.

 

Q: What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?

A: Bison.

 

Q: How do snails fight?

A: They slug it out.

 

Q: What’s a foot long and slippery?

A: A slipper.

 

Q: What kind of crackers do firefighters like in their soup?

A: Firecrackers!

 

Q: Which month do soldiers hate most?

A: The month of March!

 

Q: Where do boats go when they get sick?

A: The dock.

And that wraps that up for today.  I hope you all had as much fun as I did.  I think I’m going back to painting my words in blue again, I didn’t find this as much fun.  Anyway, Love and Happiness to you all until we meet again.