Welcome to June! One of the nicer months of the year around here … supposedly. We’ll see how it plays out. The way things are going lately, I’m not planning on anything working out.

I really don’t have much for the opener for today, so what do you say we just jump right in, shall we?

I did notice that today is my “service computation date”. The date where they add up all my “government service and figure out how much time that is and what date it would date back to. It’s not an exact science. Basically, I now have 35 years of service to the United States Air Force under my belt. That’s counting the two years as a civilian cop that they don’t count because it was a “Temp job”. Yeah…don’t ask.

Anyway, let’s get this party started, shall we?

Honestly, I did, too.

H O L Y C O W !!!

You can get more with a kind word and a gun

than you can with a kind word alone. 

– Al Capone (1899-1947)

You know, there were very few things that upset my ex-wife.

It makes me feel rather special to have been one of them.

A minister was giving the children’s message during church.  

For this part of the service, he would gather all the children around him and give a brief lesson before dismissing them. 

On this particular Sunday, he was using squirrels for an object lesson on industry and preparation.  

He started out by saying, “I’m going to describe something, and I want you to raise your hand when you know what it is.” 

The children nodded eagerly.

“This thing lives in trees (pause) and eats nuts (pause)…” 

No hands went up.  

“And it is gray (pause) and has a long bushy tail (pause)…” 

The children were looking at each other, but still no hands raised. 

“And it jumps from branch to branch (pause) and chatters and flips its tail when it’s excited (pause)…” 

Finally one little boy tentatively raised his hand.  The minister breathed a sigh of relief and called on him. 

“Well,” said the boy, “I know the answer you’re looking for is supposed to be ‘Jesus’ …  but it sure sounds like a squirrel to me.” 

A college student has been thrown out of his apartment for not paying his rent, so he sends an e-mail to his father. 

“Please send money. I’m in the street.”

The father replies, “Have no money. Watch out for cars.” 

Judi stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, “I have a complaint!” 

“Yes, ma’am?”

“I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!”

“What was wrong with it?”

“It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!” 

The librarian nodded and said, “Ahh. So you must be the person who took our phone book.” 

R2-D2 was in that picture?

Completely unsurprising.

A wasp landed on my bare foot and now I

know how to Riverdance.

How rare is it for a cow to be struck by

lightning?

Medium rare.

The uncomfortable feeling I get when everyone watches me unwrap a gift makes me totally understand why the dog takes his treats into the other room.

I smashed a sheet of glass and I can’t find the

last part.

It’s a bit of a pane.

I basically have 3 hairstyles:

Straight, wavy, and homeless.

And that’s it my friends. Welcome to June. I hope you had as much fun as I did. Until next time, be well, be happy and …