It’s Thursday.  Thanks to EVERYONE who pointed out to me that the guy on the motorcycle had the tow strap around his chest!  I honestly didn’t notice that.  I just thought that it was a really crappy t-shirt design. 

It’s been a tough week for me.  Every single day this week has been busy.  Which means I’ve built this issue in between doing a bunch of other things, so I’m not really sure whether I’m coming or going.  So, not sure if I covered everything this episode or not. 

But, one thing I am REALLY sure of, there is plenty of stuff for you guys to  laugh at and forget about the world’s BS for a little while. 

The Biden Family was found to have accepted bribes from China for years!  Big surprise there!  I’m gonna go WAY out on a limb here and say NOT A DAMN THING IS GOING TO BE DONE ABOUT IT!!  NOTHING!!  ZILCH!!!  It’s all fixed and rigged and it doesn’t matter.  The only reason that anything might be done about it is if the shadow government powers-that-be are done with him and don’t want him to run again, they will use this as an excuse to get rid of him.  Okay, so that sounds like I’m covering both sides of that bet, so …

I had to get to this one right away!  This video…well, not THIS video, but the original video of the Cat Lady giving her whole speech, was sent to me by our good buddy Sasquatch.  But, he sent it to me as an MP4, which I like cause I can watch it really easily, but I dislike cause I can’t load it into the ezine.  So, I have to go and search the internet for a copy that I CAN put into the ezine and the only one I could find was a talk show where THEY were talking about it.  But you will get the general idea.

And it was amazing how many talk shows that I found talking about it where they were calling her a hater and a racist because she called out the craziness of it!  All I can say to them is…seek help!

What do you get if you spell Evian (Water) backwards?

Hmmm…

This quick little report if from Lynn…

Breitbart reports that Fox News is refusing to let Tucker out of his contract before it expires in 2024. In other words, they want to to keep him on the sidelines until after the 2024 election. In other words, Fox News wants another 4 years of Joe Biden

Tucker is just the latest example of the establishment removing prominent thought leaders/important personalities on the right before the next election. They removed James O’Keefe from Project Veritas, Dan Bongino, and they removed Trump from everything in a coordinated effort back in 2020.

All this makes Elon buying Twitter that much more important.

She makes a pretty good point.  

Why’s it always, ALWAYS have to be Bob?

Dang dude!  Stop giving away all my secrets!!!

Even statues of me start appearing in places.

I have no idea…maybe the wind tore it off the side of a building???

I was eating my Chinese dinner last night and it made me think!

There are thousands of Chinese restaurants and take-outs all over this country which means there are loads of Chinese people!

But how many Chinese funerals have you seen? I’ve never seen one!

So what are they doing with them?

No thank you very much!!

Don’t let anyone else ruin your day.
It’s YOUR day.
Ruin it yourself.

Not diggin’ the mustache, dude.

Why is it OK to say when I look in your face?

Time stands still, but it’s not OK to say you have a face that would stop the clock.

The local bar was so sure its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet.

The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money.

Many people had tried over time, including the professional wrestlers and bodybuilders, but nobody could do it.

One day a scrawny little man came in, wearing a tie and a pair of pants hiked up past his belly button.

He said in a squeaky annoying voice, “I’d like to try the bet.”

Even the hillbilly chicks burst into laughter.

After the laughter had died down, the bartender said, “Ok,” grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. He then handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.

But the crowd’s laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass.

As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man, “What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, weight lifter, or what?”

The man replied, “I work for the IRS.”

Just looking at this picture would freak Izzy out and give her nightmares for weeks!!!

This is from Joe from NJ and he says, “What if we all did this?”  and I think it’s a GREAT IDEA!!!

Dear WalMart & Target, HomeDepot and all other stores that have self checkout –

You are almost exclusively self-checkout now. The last time I was there, you had a lady stopping everyone at the exit, checking receipts. I didn’t choose to participate in that nonsense, so I just skipped the exit line and left. I heard her saying “Sir, Uh, Sir” as 1 kept walking and raised the receipt above my head, leaving the store. You can either trust me to do self-checkout, or you can put your cashiers back in place like it used to be. I’m not interested in proving that I did your job for you. You want me to be a cashier with no training then that’s your problem not mine. Don’t Audit me for a position you refuse to employ any longer.

Signed, All of us

Absolutely marvelous!  And what do they do if they check your receipt and find that you’ve made a mistake?  Accuse you of stealing?  No thank you very much.

Here’s another oldie but goodie…

There was a midget down in Texas whose testicles ached almost all the time.

The midget went to the doctor and told him what the problem was. The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look. The midget dropped his pants.

The doctor stood him up onto the examining table, and started to examine him. The doc put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget to turn his head and cough, usual method to check for a hernia.

“Aha!” mumbled the doc and putting his finger under the right testicle, he asked the midget to cough again. “Aha!” said the doctor and reached for his surgical scissors.

Snip, snip, snip, snip on the right side then snip, snip, snip,snip,snip, snip, snip on the left side.

The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt.

The doctor then told the midget to get dressed and see if they still ached.

The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around the doc’s office and discovered his testicles were no longer aching.

The midget replied, “Perfect Doc, and I didn’t even feel it… What did you do?”

The Doctor replied, ” I cut two inches off the top of your cowboy boots”

And only two sexes.  How about that?

A motorcycle officer stops a vehicle that has ran a red light.  

The driver is a real jerk and comes running back to the officer and asks why he is being harassed by the Gestapo and the officer calmly tells the driver of the red light violation. 

The driver goes into a tirade, and questioning the officer’s ancestry, sexual orientation etc.  

The officer takes it all in professional stride and writes the ticket and places an “AH” in the bottom right hand corner – Narration” 

The officer hands the driver the ticket and requests a signature.  

The driver angrily signs the ticket and notices the “AH” and demands to know what that is for. 

The officer removes his mirror like sunglasses and gets in the drivers face and in a low voice says “So that when we get in court in three months time, I can remember that you are an ass hole!” 

Three months later, in court, the driver has hired a lawyer, as his driving record is not what you would call perfect, and he expects to lose his licence. 

The officer gives his evidence on the driver running a red light.  

Then under cross examination, the driver’s lawyer asks if this is the ticket the officer had issued. 

“Yes, this is the defendant’s copy of the ticket I issued” states the officer. 

Lawyer then asks ” Is there any particular marking or notation on this ticket that you don’t normally make?”

The officer says “Yes in the bottom right hand corner, in the Narrative box, is the  AH underlined” 

Lawyer “What does the AH stand for, officer?” 

Officer ” Aggressive and Hostile” 

Lawyer ” Are you sure?” 

Officer ” Yes sir.” 

Lawyer ” Are you sure that it doesn’t stand for ass hole?” 

Officer ” Well sir, I am sure you know your client better than I do” 

Pretty darn effective ones, too!

Boy, ain’t that the truth!

Now there’s a conversation we could have…I’ve never heard that one before!

The headwaiter of the five-star, elegant restaurant recoiled in disgust as a man in muddy hipwader boots, frayed and torn jeans, dirty leather jacket, long, stringy dirty hair, and a beard with flecks of long ago food marched right towards him.

The man said, “Yo, bucko, where’s your shitter?”

The headwaiter calmly replied, “Go down the hall and turn left. When you see the sign marked ‘Gentlemen’, pay absolutely no attention to it and go right inside.”

A little girl was diligently pounding away on her father’s word processor.

She told him she was writing a story.

“What’s it about?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” she replied. “I can’t read.”

That’s gotta come in handy, right?

Midlife is when the growth of the hair on our legs slows down. This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache.

Midlife women no longer have upper arms; we have wingspans. We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts; we are flying squirrels in drag.

Midlife has hit when you stand naked in front of the mirror and can see your rear end without turning around.

Midlife is when you bounce (a lot), but you don’t bounce back. It’s more like splat!

Midlife is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream, “Listen, honey, even the Roman Empire fell, and those things will too!”

Midlife is when you realize that, if you were a dog, you would need a control top flea collar.

Midlife is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so old that you have to pay someone to look at you naked.

Midlife brings the wisdom that “life throws you curves” and that you’re now sitting on your biggest ones.

Midlife can bring out your angry, bitter side. You look at your latte-swilling, beeper-wearing know-it-all teenager and think, “For this I have stretch marks?”

Midlife is when your memory really starts to go: the only thing you still retain is water.

The good news about midlife is the glass is still half-full. Of course, the bad news is that it won’t be long before your teeth are floating in it.

You know you’ve crossed the midlife threshold when you’re in the grocery store and you hear a Muzak version of “Stairway to Heaven” in the produce department.

Midlife is when your 1970’s Body-by-Jake now includes Legs-by-Rand McNally (more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of the state of Wisconsin).

Midlife is when you start to repeat yourself and your chins follow suit.

You become more reflective in midlife. You start pondering the “big” questions: what is life, why am I here, and how much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before it’s no longer a healthy choice.

Prepare yourself…a lot of wisdom coming your way!

A mouse looked through a crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife opening a package. 

What food might it contain? 

He was aghast to discover that it was a mouse trap. 

Retreating to the farmyard the mouse proclaimed the warning: “There is a mouse trap in the house, a mouse trap in the house! ” 

The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said, “Excuse me, 

Mr. Mouse, I can tell this is a grave concern to you, but it is of no consequence to me. I cannot be bothered by it.” 

The mouse turned to the pig and told him, “There is a mouse trap in the house, a mouse trap in the house!” 

I am so very sorry Mr. Mouse,” sympathized the pig, “but there is nothing I can do about it but pray. Be assured that you are in my prayers.” 

The mouse turned to the cow. She said, “Like wow, Mr. Mouse. A mouse trap. Like I am in grave danger. Duh…NOT!” 

So the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected, to face the farmer’s mouse trap alone. 

That very night a sound was heard throughout the house, like the sound of a mouse trap catching its prey. 

The farmer’s wife rushed to see what was caught. 

In the darkness, she did not see that it was a venomous snake whose tail the trap had caught. 

The snake bit the farmer’s wife. 

The farmer rushed her to the hospital. 

She returned home with a fever. 

Now everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup, so the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard for the soup’s main ingredient. 

His wife’s sickness continued so that friends and neighbors came to sit with her around the clock. 

To feed them, the farmer butchered the pig. 

The farmer’s wife did not get well and a few days later she passed away. 

So many people came for her funeral, that the farmer had the cow slaughtered, to provide meat for all of them to eat. 

So the next time you hear that someone is facing a problem and think that it does not concern you, remember that when there is a mouse trap in the house, the whole farmyard is at risk. 

On Mother’s Day, my seven-year-old son couldn’t wait to present me with a book of poetry he had written about me. 

Part of it was an acrostic of my name, Victoria, with an adjective describing me next to each letter. 

Beside “I” he had written “Intelligent,” next to the “C,” “Caring,” and for the “O,” “Outstanding.” 

I was swelling with pride until I came to the final “A.” 

Next to it my son had written “Able to scream.” 

You know I can’t possibly say anything here.  

And that dear campers, brings us to the end of another exciting episode of Dragon Laffs!  Until we meet again, may our Dear Lord bless you with Love and Happiness.