And it’s Friday…for me…and Monday for you guys. Here I am, trying my best to get ahead for you. See! See, me working for you. Not buying it, huh?
I want to start off by thanking Pop Smith for the wonderful donation that he sent in AND it’s perfect timing because it’s that time of year again my friends. (I hate this part) It’s time to pay the bills for the year. I’m asking for your help in keeping Dragon Laffs free. That was always the deal. I would continue to do this as long as I didn’t have to put advertisement on the site. The only way to do that is to pay for the site outright. It’s not that expensive, but with storage, email and the website itself it comes out to a bit each year and I ask for you guys to pay for it.
I know, mean of me. But, my part is the labor. You guys cover the expenses and I cover the labor. So, starting today, donations are open. Anything helps.
Several ways to donate. The easiest is to hit the donate button on the upper right of the website. Some of you have never been to the website, go to dragonlaffs.com and on the right hand column you’ll see the donate button that will take you to PayPal where you can donate. Or you can send me a donation through snail mail. Email me at impishdragon@dragonlaffs.com and I will send you my address. No, I’m not going to put it here. Or you can Zelle me. Again, if you email me I can tell you how. If you have any other suggestions for me, I’m all ears.
Anyway, that’s it. That’s my plea. We have the month of August to figure out where we go from here.
Now…
Absolutely amazing!
This one is WILD!
These questions were reportedly asked by elementary children
and appeared in a newspaper article.
Dear God: Why did you make people talk foreign languages? It
would be easier if everybody could talk English like you and
me.
Dear God: If you made the sun and the moon and the stars you
must have had lots of equipment.
Dear God: Instead of letting people die and having to make
new ones why don’t you just keep the ones you have now?
Dear God: How come you only have 10 rules and our school has
millions?
Dear God: When you made the first man did he work as good as
we do now?
Dear God: There were no clouds Saturday so I think I saw
your feet. Did I really?
Dear God: I know there’s a God because I go to His house on
Sunday and see all the cars parked there.
Dear God: Where does yesterday go? Do you have it?
Dear God: I’m afraid of things at night more than in the
day. So if you could keep the sun on longer that would be a
good thing.
MOM’S SURVIVAL TIPS
1. Don’t sweat your every mistake or faux pas.
They make up for the things you got away with that nobody knows about.
2. Avoid marrying anyone who deliberately flushes the toilet when
you’re taking a shower.
3. When someone tells you that what he’s about to say is “for your
own good,” expect the worst.
4. The value of a dog is its constant reminder of how much fun it is to
act idiotic.
5. If you are lavishly praised, enjoy the taste but don’t swallow it
whole.
6. When a politician says, “let me make something perfectly clear,
remember that he usually won’t.
7. You children may leave home, but their stuff will be in your attic
and basement forever.
8. If someone says, “I know what I mean, but I just can’t put it into
words,” he doesn’t know what he means.
9. Two people cannot operate a TV remote control in the same
room at the same time.
10. Don’t waste time trying to be your own best friend. You can’t
pat yourself on the back, and it’s unsatisfying to cry on your own
shoulder. Find a real friend instead.
Wouldn’t you think all the gas pouring out on the ground would have given it away?
Carole was planning her upcoming wedding and asked to wear her mother’s wedding gown. When she tried it on, it was a perfect fit on her petite frame.
Suddenly, her mother’s eyes filled with tears. Putting an arm around her, Carole lovingly said, “Don’t cry, Mom. Remember, you aren’t losing a daughter, you’re gaining a son.”
“Oh, forget about that!” her mother sobbed. “I used to fit into that gown!”
“What’s the date today?” asks a blonde.
“I don’t know. You’ve got a newspaper in your hands…why don’t you look at it?”
“That wouldn’t do any good, it’s yesterday’s paper
A fellow met his friend, a notorious horseplayer, on the street.
The guy looked like he’d just lost his best friend.
“Why so sad?” he was asked.
“I had a hundred dollars stashed away to bet on the ponies today,” the gambler said “but my wife found it and blew it all on the rent and groceries!”
A man suffering from severe insomnia finally breaks down and goes to see a psychiatrist.
“Doc, you gotta help me,” the man says, dark circles weighing heavy under his eyes. “Every single night, the second I turn off the lights, I’m overwhelmed by this terrifying compulsion that someone is hiding under my bed. I end up sliding out of bed to check underneath it every hour on the hour until the sun comes up. I’m completely exhausted!”
The psychiatrist nods sagely, stroking his chin. “Ah, a classic case of nocturnal paranoiac compulsion. I have a highly specialized two-week intensive cognitive therapy program that is guaranteed to cure your fear and get you a full night’s sleep. However, because of the advanced techniques required, it will cost you $5,000.”
The man, who was already tight on cash, winced at the price tag. “Five grand?! Let me think about it and maybe get a second opinion,” he says, before quickly walking out the door.
A week later, the psychiatrist happens to spot the man sitting at a local bar. Expecting to see a shattered, sleep-deprived mess, the doctor is shocked to find the man looking vibrant, fully refreshed, and happily enjoying a beer.
Curious, the psychiatrist walks over and asks, “I see you never called to enroll in my program. How are you sleeping?”
“Like a baby!” the man smiles. “Eight hours straight every night.”
The psychiatrist is stunned. “That’s impossible! How on earth did you cure a deep-seated psychological compulsion like that without my $5,000 treatment?”
“It’s ok, my friend actually solved my problem for free!”
“How?” said the psychiatrist?
“My friend came over and sawed off the legs of my bed!”
Nope!
And that’s it … but before I go. Remember I showed you the picture of the watch that buddy Wheats was making for me? Well, I received the finished product…and it is a true piece of Art!! It is gorgeous! He is a true artist. The things he can do with a watch is amazing. The things he’s shown me that he’s done for other people are truly amazing. Everything from superheroes to aircraft to … well … truly amazing. Here’s mine.
Is that not the coolest thing EVER?! Pure Class Baby!
Thank you, my dearest and oldest friend.
Okay, Until next time. Donate. Pray for clear weather … um … yesterday for you guys, tomorrow for me … so I can get rid of the tree in my neighbor’s yard and may God Bless you with Love and Happiness until we meet again!
Dragon Laffs 