Dragon Laffs #2172

Just closed out the last episode and have jumped right into this one so that maybe I can get one done in time for Monday.  It’s going to be a long hard weekend, but I’m still going to try to get one done for you guys.  That is my goal.  So, I know the best part of this is the fun stuff for you guys, so what do you say we jump right into that and if I can think of anything to add to it, I will…

I got sent a big bunch of these by Stephanie (I think?) so let’s run them down cause these guys at Liberty Arms are really funny!  And Patriotic…and timely…and…well, you’ll see!

Stewardess:  [on loud speaker]  Please let the staff know if any passengers are disturbing you or behaving inappropriately.  

Me:  Hi, yes.  The woman at the window seat, keeps being incredibly rude, and yelling at me. 

Stewardess:  Ma’am, that’s your toddler.

School will be closed due to high winds.
Tornado Happening.
Go in the hall and put a book on your head.
Also, we are having pizza for lunch.

This one is a true classic that I heard many years ago.  It is so worth running again.  Thanks to Joe from NJ for bringing it back around.

Long but worth reading. 

Please read the entire letter and not skip to the end. 


This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the Michiganm Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan. This guy’s response is hilarious, but read the State’s letter before you get to the response letter.

SUBJECT: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec.

20; Montcalm County

Dear Mr. DeVries:

It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:

Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond. A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of the Department’s files shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.

The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2003.

Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action.

We anticipate and would appreciate your full co-operation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.


David L. Price District Representative Land and Water Management Division

** This is the actual response sent back: **

Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County.

Dear Mr. Price,

Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to respond to. I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson, Michigan. A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two wood “debris” dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skilful use of nature’s building materials “debris.” I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.

As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.

My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers or (2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request? If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.

I have several concerns. My first concern is… aren’t the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation, so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department’s dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event causing flooding is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling their dam names.

If you want the stream “restored” to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers, but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter… they being unable to read English.

In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources

(Beavers) and the environment (Beavers’ Dams).

So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2003? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then.

In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the bears!

Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! (The bears are not careful where they dump!)

Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.

My question is…what’s Planet Nine?

Just call it a cool picture.

Joe Biden’s note card doesn’t just tell him which reporters to call on, it includes what order to call on them in and what PRE-SUBMITTED questions they’re going to ask.


Embarrassing, but not surprising!

My boss just texted me: “Send me one of your funny jokes!”
I texted him back: “I’m busy working. I’ll send one later.”
“That’s hilarious,” he said. “Send another one!”

Here’s another oldie from Joe from NJ.  This one is special though.  Here’s how he describes it.  Oldie but goodie.  Impish I mean REALLY old.  This was my mother’s favorite story.  She was born in 1918!  And here you go…

On the first day, God created the dog and said, “Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past.  For this I will  give you a life span of twenty years.”

The dog said, “That’s a long time to be barking.  How about only ten years and I’ll give you back the other ten?”

And God said that it was good.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said, “Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh.  For this, I will give you a twenty-year life span.”

The monkey said, “Monkey tricks for twenty years?  That’s a pretty long time to perform.  How about I give you back ten like the dog did?”

And God again said that it was good.

On the third day, God created the cow and said, “You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer’s family.  For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.”

The cow said, “That’s kind of hard to want me to live for sixty years.  How about twenty and I’ll give back the other forty?”

And God agreed it was good.

On the fourth day, God created humans and said, “eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life.  For this, I’ll give you twenty years.”

But the human said, “Only twenty years?  Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?”

“Okay,” said God, “You asked for it.”

So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves.  For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family.  For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren.  And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information.  I’m doing it as a public service.

Well, that’s one explanation.  Joe’s mom’s anyway.  Thanks Joe, for sharing your mom’s favorite story.

Absolutely hilarious!  

These little voodoo dolls are such a pain in the … well … everywhere!

Next up…a bunch of trucker memes and cartoons, in honor of the Whelpling!  My favorite trucker.

Keep your marriage fresh by writing each other little love notes like: 

“I considered smothering you with a pillow last night…but I didn’t.”

Most Of Us Expect Far Too Much From Ourselves
and never give ourselves credit for all the things we’re doing right.  You’re trying your best, facing challenges that would likely overwhelm anyone, and learning and growing every day.  And you’re doing it while feeling a range of messy, confusing emotions and healing from pains large and small from the past.  Stop and give yourself a little credit.  You’re stronger than you know, and you’re doing better than you think.

~ Lori Deschene

When you’re told that mining coal is bad, but mining copper, lithium, cobalt, nickel is good, you know you’ve been DECEIVED.

Okay, I’ll be sure not to … ah … whatever it is that … um … I’m either supposed to or not supposed to do or not do or … I have no idea.

April 1st is named FOOL’S DAY, after Steve April.  He was born on 01 April 1579.  He did 105 businesses in his lifetime.  He lost all his father’s assets, and so everyone started calling him father of the fools. 

At 19, he married a 61-year-old woman who divorced him after a year because of his foolishness.  He used to read all kinds of fake stories like you are doing now.

This would have been a much better story closer to the first of April.

I have worked on some pretty old aircraft, which had some pretty old fasteners, which is to say that I’ve seen an awful lot of these screw heads … but there are a bunch of these that even I’ve never seen!!

If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck…

according to Facebook fact-checkers, it is, in fact, a squirrel.

Earlier today, I saw a bumper sticker that said, “I’m a veterinarian, therefore I can drive like an animal.”  And suddenly I realized how many proctologists are on the roads…

Okay, so someone tell me, cause I DON’T SEE IT!!

Do you hear banjos?  I hear banjos.

You gotta admit, she’s good.  Never breaks character, plays the stupid moron quite well.  We all know she can’t POSSIBLY be as stupid as she pretends to be, but she goes up on stage, all the time and refuses to give in.  That’s dedication to a craft, I gotta tell ya, I admire her.

DO YOU GET IT?!?!  It’s an analogy!!!!  A story that is extra to make a point!!!  So I’ll ask again…you, democrats…DO YOU GET IT!?  Sigh.  I didn’t think so.

They’re not taking away my guns.  EVER.

This was sent in by Friggin’ Pete way back towards the beginning of November of last year.  I told you I was behind in some of my emails.  This is his little essay, but I will say that I agree 100%!!!  This is another of those instances where I can honestly say, “Darn!  I wish I had said that!”

Just my thoughts.

You can argue whether or not Margaret Sanger started Planned Parenthood as a means to keep the Black population under control through abortion. You can argue whether or not Planned Parenthood was a scheme born of a racist Democrat Party to help limit the birth of Black babies. You can argue whether Planned Parenthood has been used as a tool to keep Black People poor and dependent on a racist Democrat Party. You can argue whether or not abortion is morally acceptable, whether it is a sin, whether it is murder. You can make all the arguments you want on Planned Parenthood and on abortion and on who, how, whats, whys, and the moralities of it all but….you can not argue the fact that the Black population of this country would be double what it is if not for Margaret Sanger, Planned Parenthood, abortion and the racist Democrat Party that fought for and backed it all…..


Very nicely said, brother.  Very nicely said.

Right now about half the country has a conspiracy theorist friend who looks a lot less crazy than they did six months ago…

I have several of them, as a matter of fact.

I always knew I’d get old. 
How fast it happened was a bit of a surprise, though.

And yeah, I wrote that in blue, because I sure as heck could of said it myself.

Me In Heaven

God:  You’re about to get your wings. 

Me:  Garlic parmesan or honey bbq? 

God:  Get out.

Paddy called the RSPCA today and said, “I’ve just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox with four cubs.”

“That’s terrible,” the RSPCA Officer responded.  “Are they moving?”

“I’m not sure,” Paddy says, “but that would explain the suitcase.”

Wife said, “Our new neighbors are so in love.  He kisses her, strokes her hair and hugs her.  Why don’t you do that?” 

I said, “Because I don’t know her that well yet.”

That one is from Izzy Dragon.  She texted it to me and I just had to share it with you guys.

Don’t hate someone for what they look like on the outside.
Hate them for the piece of garbage they are on the inside.

He’s gonna need a bigger gun.

Yup, we’re still doing this.  And Joe goes back to an old standby for his response.  Here’s Marsha’s contributions so we all remember…

No Joe….but I am thinking about that as my retirement plan. Rob bank, spend week spending money so I know what it was like to have money….then when caught identify as gay male…get sent to male prison, no work, great healthcare, can still wear women’s clothes and sex with men….

And now Joe…

Men are just happier people!

Why, you ask?

What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.  The garage is all yours.  Wedding plans take care of themselves.  Chocolate is just another snack.  You can never be pregnant.  You can wear a white T-Shirt to a water park.  You can wear NO shirt to a water park.  Car mechanics tell you the truth.  The world is your urinal.  You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.

There you go Marsha… you’re up!!

We are so misunderstood.  Always have been, always will be.

if a chick orders lobster tail on the first date would you be bothered?

Chad Johnson:
They don’t sell lobster tail at McDonald’s

I’d be more inclined to grow up if I saw that it worked out for everyone else.

And with that, we’re going to call it a night…a day…an issue…episode…whatever.  I hope you guys had as much fun reading this one on a Monday morning as I did putting it together on a working weekend.  May God Bless you with Love and Happiness.

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5 Responses to Dragon Laffs #2172

  1. John McDonald says:

    Actually, the tow strap is around his back, not his neck as Mr. Wouter pointed.

    I did not “get it” either until I read the explanations.

  2. John McDonald says:

    Really like the trucker memes.

    Way back when, I used to drive a truck.

    There were a lot of idiots on the road.

    Now there are more.

    Truckers act surprised when I give them courtesies such as letting them pull in front of me to pass, flashing lights to let them pull back in, giving them a lot of room before I pull in front of them, and remembering that it takes a long time to stop a tractor trailer.

    Oh, and the serious answer to the Semi is: Originally, they way that they were set up is that the front one was a truck and the second one was separately and towed with a pintle hitch and only the tongue weight of the second one was on the first one (kind of like a farm wagon or a kid’s wagon). That was a tractor-trailer.

    Then the fifth wheel came out and the trailer attached to the fifth wheel and much/half of the weight of the trailer is on the power unit. So the trailer is only partly/half or semi on the tractor. Therefore, it is a semi-trailer. That lead to the semi name.

    The one about Hillary Clinton and the AR-15 is not correct.

    I also agree about limiting access to assault style weapons. It makes it too easy for idiots to have too many rounds.

    Yes, I have pistols and rifles. No, I am not giving them up.

    The problem is that it is too easy for the idiots to get access to the assault style weapons.

    The problem is writing enforceable laws.

    I have one neighbor that I don’t care if he has a fully automatic M-60 and as much ammunition as he can afford. If he wants a field artillery piece, that is fine. I might even go get it or help him get it.

    Some of my other neighbors make nervous think that they might a bean flipper. And I would do my best to keep them away from a bow and arrows, let alone ANY firearm.
    The biggest problem is that too many people have weapons are are not qualified to properly use them.

    I am old enough that I did not have to take a hunter safety course. I took one anyway.

    Their safety protocols were similar to that of USMC, Quantico, VA. There, if you messing around with a firearm, you hoped the drill stopped you. Your potential victims were much more direct and did not have the patience. However, I don’t recall anyone doing it a second time.

    I have seen the dam letter before and I believe when I first saw it, there were more back and forth.

    And the cheat sheet for Biden, he is a long ways from the only person that does it.

    I like the prison bus.

    The alternative is to get 3 pigs, paint 1, 2, and 4 on their backs and let them loose in Wal-Mart and watch them look for 3.

    Thanks, I do enjoy these.

  3. Stephanie says:

    The guy on the motorcycle is being towed. The rope is around his neck.
    I don’t think I sent those particular signs.
    Cranking up the heat down here to send your way.

  4. Wouter, Centurion, Pretoria, Gauteng, South Africa says:

    Good afternoon Mr. Dragon Man and Fellow Campers.
    The guy being towed – he has the tow rope under his armpits around his chest, not tied to the bike.

    • impishdragon says:

      Now that I know what I’m looking for, I see it. At first, to me, that just looked like some crappy design on his shirt, but now I see it. Thanks Wouter and everyone else who pointed this out to me!

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