Today is Thursday … well, for me, it’s actually Sunday and I was going to take the day off and relax, but I got a message from someone and I felt bad about it and had to jump on here and get it off my chest and say:
Let me ‘splain. I got this comment today:
As to the other part of your comment, Joe, the easiest way to get a hold of me is my new email attached to the actual website for the ezine.
And the Colts are setting records in their game against the Giants. I’m so proud of these guys. They have set the record for the Giants having the largest lead of their season … and it’s only half time. I didn’t think they’d do that well against the Giants, but I really didn’t think they’d let them kick their butts THIS badly.
So, anyway, let’s get some laughs started while we’re here, shall we?
Apparently not this time.
Older people often go to another room to get something and when they get there, they stand there wondering what they came for.
It is NOT a memory problem.
It is nature’s way of making older people get more exercise.
Yeah, THAT’S gonna be the problem.
The Math teacher asked Johnny, “How many feet are there in a yard?”
Johnny responded, “It depends on how many people are standing in the yard!”
Apparently, you can’t use “BEEFSTEW” as a password. Why not?
It’s not STROGANOFF.
“So, Yeah. I just wanted to introduce myself. I’m your new neighbor. I’m moving into the cave, right over on the next ridge, I’m pretty quiet, you won’t even know I’m there, and it’s not like I’ll be throwing a lot of parties or anything…”
If you can’t look back at your younger self and realize that you were an idiot, …
… you are probably still an idiot.
If size doesn’t matter, why are there no 3 inch dildos?
She said her kids have A.D.D….
My smart ass said, “All Different Daddies?”
Now I’m blocked!
Our IT section is a little … different at Dragon Laffs, Inc. But, we are always looking for, how shall I put this … talented help.
A group of engineering students and their teacher were given free airplane tickets to go on a holiday. Once on the plane, the Captain announced that they were on the plane the students had built.
Everyone freaked out and rushed out of the plane, except for the teacher who stayed there with calm. When the flight attendant asked why he hadn’t left he responded, “I know the abilities of my students quite well, this thing won’t even start.”
Boy, ain’t that the truth!
I got the words “jacuzzi” and “yakuza” confused.
So, now I’m in hot water with the Japanese mafia.
Some men will leave the woman that loves them thinking that there are many fishes in the ocean only to go and catch a crab.
My friend is great at selling home security systems. If people aren’t home, he just leaves a brochure on their kitchen table.
BRAIN AT 3 AM:
I can see you’re trying to sleep, so I would like to offer you a selection of every memory, unresolved issue, or things you should have said or done today as well as in the past 40 years!
All Facebook accounts are being hacked and cloned.
To avoid this you must stand naked on your kitchen table, singing “I Will Survive”, while doing the Macarena. Only then will Mark Zuckerberg travel down your chimney on a golden unicorn and present you with a special blue token to protect your account. Now send this to everyone on your contacts list, otherwise goblins will wee in your fridge.
I told my son, “You will marry the girl I choose.”
He said, “NO!”
I told him, “She is Bill Gates’ daughter.”
He said, “Okay.”
I called Bill Gates and said, “I want your daughter to marry my son.”
Bill Gates said, “NO.”
I told Bill Gates, “My son is the CEO of World Bank.”
Bill Gates said, “Okay.”
I called the President of World Bank and asked him to make my son the CEO.
He said, “NO.”
I told him, “My son is Bill Gates’ son-in-law.”
He said, “Okay.”
This is how politics works.
Kind of scary when the weather man is the closest one to telling the truth on the news these days…
This is awesome! Epic Service Dog Training Failure!
And another one … same dog, I think:
Dragon Forest, of course, is where the campground is, where we meet for Dragon Laffs.
A woman in a hot air balloon realizes she is lost. She lowers her altitude and spots a man fishing from a boat below. She shouts to him, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”
The man consults his portable GPS and replies, “You’re in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.
She rolls her eyes and says, “You must be a Republican!”
“I am,” replies the man. “How did you know?”
“Well,” answers the balloonist, “everything you tell me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I’m still lost. Frankly, you’re not much help to me.”
The man smiles and responds, “You must be a Democrat.”
“I am, replies the balloonist. “How did you know?”
“Well,” says the man, “You don’t know where you are or where you’re going. You’ve risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and now you expect me to solve your problem. You’re in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it’s my fault.”