Dragon Laffs #2111


I think I’m overwhelming the WordPress program when I finish up one of these super long, super special Christmas issues.  I get ready to schedule the issue for 0200 hrs. in the morning for when I want it to go out and it just publishes it.  So it ends up going out at like 9 pm the night before!  Which screws up my whole timing.  It’s done that to me like three times now.  I tell you, I’m getting a little annoyed.

Not enough to stop doing the super long special Christmas issues though.  I’ve still got a LOT of Christmas stuff to get through.  I’m still wondering whether I’m gonna get it all done by the time the fat guy gets here.  No, not me.  I’ve lost weight, remember?  No, I’m talking about Santa.

Anyway, Izzy had her all day appointment today and it only cost me about $2K instead of the $3k I was figuring on … yeah, I know.  Wonderful thing to have to come up  with right before Christmas.  Hopefully I’ll get some of that back from the insurance company.  They said about half.  The rest of it I’ll just have to pay back to the credit card.  But, thank God I kept one of those.  I had promised myself I was going to cut them all up when they were all paid off and I did.  My dear sweet Mary had a lot of medical bills over the last couple of years and we had lived off the credit cards there for a while and got ourselves in some trouble.  But they were all paid off … one way or another.  And then they were all cut up.  Except one that I kept for emergencies.  And this was it.  So, when the check comes in from the insurance company it goes straight to the credit card company and I pay that thing off asap.  With it just being Izzy and I now, it won’t be that hard.  Couple of months, it will be taken care of.

A week from this coming Monday, we have a video appointment to get the results of the all day testing and hopefully, they will determine what I want them to determine, that Izzy has high functioning adult autism and that will mean that she will be eligible for help especially if I were to die suddenly, I wouldn’t have to worry so much about her.

Anyway, on to less morbid and more cheerful stuff.  We’re here to laugh and have fun!  So, let’s get to that part of the show, shall we? 

Doesn’t everybody?

Birthdays are good for your health.
Studies have shown that people who have more birthdays live longer.

I’m sorry, and I’m probably an asshole, but that meme just cracks me up!!

It’s okay to be white, black, straight, or gay.
But it’s NEVER OKAY to stop at a yellow light when we both could have fucking made it!

Picking up the Sunday paper at the corner stand, I ran into one of my neighbours doing the same, and said, 

” I hear you have an anniversary coming up soon, is that right?” 

He replied,   “Yep, a big one… 20 years.”

“Wow,” I excxlaimed and asked, “what are you going to get your wife for your anniversary?” 

My neighbor replied, “We’re going on a trip to Australia.” 

“Jeez, Australia, that’s some gift!” said I. just a wee bit envious. 

 “That’s going to be hard to beat. What are you planing to do for your 25th anniversary?” 

“Go back and get her.”

COMING SOON!
To a theater near you!
Dragon In The Wind!

The psychiatrist was interviewing a first-time patient. “You say you’re here,” he inquired, “because your family is worried about your taste in socks?” 

“That’s correct,” muttered the patient. “I like wool socks.” 

“But that’s perfectly normal,” replied the doctor. “Many people prefer wool socks to those made from cotton or acrylic. In fact, I myself like wool socks.” 

“You DO?” exclaimed the man. “With oil and vinegar or just a squeeze of lemon?”

An elderly lady hustled onto a crowded bus carrying a large picnic basket.  She stood right in front of a man and grabbed the overhead rail such that the picnic basket went hanging over the man’s head. The man politely offered the seat but sweet lady declined saying she was going to get off soon. 

Suddenly the man felt dropping something on his head.  He tilted his head to find out, the liquid was licking and dropping, which went in his nose and ran down across his lips. He felt the taste of it, looked up at the lady and asked with a smile, “Pickles, ay?” 

The old lady replied, “No, no, puppies, dear!”

BOY!  AIN’T THAT THE EVER LOVIN’ TRUTH!!!!
I could tell you stories…
Yes, Impish Dragon’s Birthday is in December.
Yes, there’s a bit of a sore spot there.  LOL!
Nah!  After all this time, I’m used to it by now.

Nothing says you’re getting too old more than sending a text after a night out that says, “Here’s that recipe I was talking about.”

This is our old corporate headquarters.  To say the place had issues …

I don’t really want to make bad choices, but I got here late and all the good choices were taken.

My favorite Christmas show

I sat quietly with my own thoughts today.

Remind me never to do that again.

And everyone raise their hand who’s been there!

If a woman tells you that you’re right, that’s called sarcasm.

I’m sure someday it will …
Music was so important to US that it hurts now that it’s just ME.
So, this meme hits awfully close to home…it has been reduced to noise.

Yup.

Her:  Let’s do doggy style.

Me:  Alright with me!

Me:  OFF THE BED!

Her:  What?!

Me:  Get out of it!

Her:  But I …

Me:  OUTSIDE!

Her: 

Me:  GET!

This goes back several years, but I will run it every year.  God Bless you Lethal.  I miss you, too brother and can’t wait until I see you, too.

Like many people, I sing in the car, but when I put it in reverse, I’m a back up singer.

Home Depot is putting holiday decorations in the second row of housewares, so Aisle B Home for Christmas.

Absolutely freaking asinine!!!!

Women mature faster than men because we get our boobs at like 14 and men get them at like 45.

A young guy was complaining to his boss about the problems he was having with his stubborn girlfriend. 

“She gets me so angry sometimes I could hit her, the young man exclaimed. 

“Well, I’ll tell you what I used to do with my wife” replied the boss.  “Whenever she got out of hand I’d take her pants down and spank her.” 

Shaking his head the young guy replied, “That doesn’t work. Once I get her pants down I’m not mad anymore.” 

On a lonely, moonlit country road a young man’s car engine started to cough. Immediately pulling over to a scenic little spot he said to the young lady next to him, “That’s funny, I wonder what that knocking noise was?” 

“I’ll tell you one thing for sure,” said the girl coolly, “It wasn’t opportunity.”

An elderly lady hustled onto a crowded bus carrying a large picnic basket.  She stood right in front of a man and grabbed the overhead rail such that the picnic basket went hanging over the man’s head. The man politely offered the seat but sweet lady declined saying she was going to get off soon. 

Suddenly the man felt dropping something on his head.  He tilted his head to find out, the liquid was licking and dropping, which went in his nose and ran down across his lips. He felt the taste of it, looked up at the lady and asked with a smile, “Pickles, ay?” 

The old lady replied, “No, no, puppies, dear!”

And that is the PERFECT place to put an end to today’s episode.  I am currently at Men’s Breakfast while most of you will be reading this on Saturday morning, then we will be helping to deliver boxes of food to needy homes, so it should be a very satisfying morning after quite a dissatisfying Friday.  I found out that the head gasket needs to be replaced on my car to the tune of about $1.6K … I’m not sure where it’s going to come from, but I know that God will take care of it.  I’m going to start a withdrawal from my retirement 401k and be glad that I have that.  The car goes in the shop on the 20th and they are going to give me a loaner to drive while they have mine, since I also start Physical Therapy back up for my feet the same day.  Boy, if it isn’t one thing, it’s another.
Sigh.

I’m trying to stay positive, really I am.
So, until we meet again…

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1 Response to Dragon Laffs #2111

  1. Maggie says:

    the GENTLEMAN IN CHARGE will never give you more than you can bear. HE knoes just what you need and will provide. Bless you & Izzy take care.M

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