Dragon Laffs #2107


Okay, so I’m stuck on crying dragons.  Hopefully this will be a much happier lead-in than the last several have been.  Aren’t you guys getting a little tired of the moroseness that’s been hanging around here lately?  I know that I have.  Let’s get some happiness going here, huh!

Oh Amen to that!  Dad says, “Why are you late?”  
Work ran over and …
“Why are your eyes so red?”
“Um..it was the … um … 
“Come over here and let me smell your breath!”
BUSTED!!

“Remember that guy who overdosed on pot?”  ~ Said no one ever.

Overdosed?  No!

There is truth in there.  If that is what your wife needs/wants then he is absolutely right.  For my Mary, it would have been a Heath candy bar.  And yes, that would have definitely been step one in foreplay.

Phobias may be memories passed down through generations in DNA, according to a new research.

So, if I’m afraid of …say … giant spiders, it might be because it’s preprogramed in my DNA?  Or heights, or dogs, or … that’s wild.

That’s kind of a good point…

Wanna bet when he gets home he blames it on the Pizza place?

Farmer John lived on a quiet rural road. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate. The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day. So one day Farmer John called the sheriff’s office and said, “You’ve got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens.”
“What do you want me to do?” asked the sheriff.
“I don’t care, just do something about those crazy drivers!” So the next day he had the county workers go out and erected a sign that said: SLOW–SCHOOL CROSSING
Three days later Farmer John called the sheriff and said, “You’ve got to do something about these drivers. The ‘school crossing’ sign seems to make them go even faster.”
Again, the sheriff sends out the county workers and they put up a new sign: SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY
That really sped them up. So Farmer John called and called and called every day for three weeks. Finally, he asked the sheriff, “Your signs are doing no good. Can I put up my own sign?” The sheriff told him, “Sure thing, put up your own sign.” He was going to let the Farmer John do just about anything in order to get him to stop calling everyday to complain.
The sheriff got no more calls from Farmer John. Three weeks later, curiosity got the best of the sheriff and he decided to give Farmer John a call. “How’s the problem with those drivers. Did you put up your sign?”
“Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since then. I’ve got to go. I’m very busy.” He hung up the phone.
The sheriff was really curious now and he thought to himself, “I’d better go out there and take a look at that sign. It might be something that we could use to slow down drivers.” The sheriff drove out to Farmer John’s house, and his jaw dropped the moment he saw the sign. It was spray-painted on a sheet of wood:

NUDIST COLONY GO SLOW AND WATCH OUT FOR THE CHICKS

“Get back here, lunch!”

If there is ever a slight chance at getting something that will make you happy, risk it.  Life is too short and happiness is too rare.

You KNOW if that is his wife the beating he got when she saw that picture, right?  And you KNOW she saw it, because he’s enough of an idiot that he HAD to show it to her.

Not to brag, but most of my family isn’t speaking to me.

Many people would be scared if they saw in the mirror, not their faces — but their character.

And he would have done it again.  Because he was a Veteran…a service member of the United States.  And that is what you do for a fellow service member.

WHERE     IS     MY     DRAGON’S     LUNCH!?!?

Boy, isn’t that the truth!

The following manuscript, dated 2000+ years ago, was discovered and is presented here, in its entirety:  

Setting: Athens, inside a tailor shop. The customer is holding a garment. The tailor speaks first.

“Euripides?”

“Yes. Eumenides?”

Finis

Mail Call

We haven’t done this for a while, so let’s dip into the comments section and see what out fellow campers have to say and maybe offer a little advice or some comments back…let’s see.

Cornelious
18 hours ago

Electric car. Thanks to the retarded sheep that voted for them.

I’m with you 100%, Cornelious.  No matter how many  times we point out the facts that electric cars are nothing more than a gimmick, that they don’t save any money, that they aren’t any better for the environment, that they burn MORE carbon based fuel per mile than the average gas powered vehicle, despite ALL of that, the “retarded sheep” as you say keep voting for the people who want to see them on the roads.  California, of course, being the worst of the bunch.

Helen
14 hours ago

This is a hard time of the yr for me also , my husband passed in June. He was diagnosed with leukemia just before Thanksgiving. It’s really hard when half of yourself is missing and you’re figuring out how to go on. The grief hit me again just as hard as when he passed.

I understand completely, Helen.  As I’m sure you’ve read, this has been a very hard time for me as well.  Definitely not looking forward to Christmas, since it was the day after that my Mary went into hospital for the first time…but we, the both of us, will get through this.  Especially with the love and support of our fellow campers.  

Leah D
3 days ago

Have you ever had a special spot you felt like was yours alone. Somewhere you can get away from it all for a little while, enough to put the stiff in your backbone and carry on?
Dragon Laffs has always been that for me.
Thankful for you preserving, through all your toil and trouble.

Thank you Leah, that means an awful lot to me.  Truly.  Dragon Laffs is a bit of a refuge for me as well.  A place for me to laugh and to get out some of my thoughts and ideas amongst friends.

Sex-Ed classes in school should just be listening to a baby cry for six straight hours while watching Peppa Pig.



A local farmer has successfully grown a field of vibrators. 

Unfortunately he now has a problem with squatters.

Snaccident:  n.  1.  Eating an entire bag/box of something by mistake.

ENGLISH LESSON

Tsunami ……………….. T is silent
Honest ……………….. H is silent
Psychology ……………….. P is silent
Knife ……………….. K is silent
Wife ……………….. Husband is silent

CLASS DISMISSED

Gonna have to use this squirrel for more…

I was at the shopping center and saw a woman dressed like Snow White.  She was the fairest of the mall.

A man walks into a bar with a small newt on his shoulder.  

The bartender says, “What an interesting pet.  What’s his name?” 

“Tiny,” the man replies.

“What an odd name!  Why do you call him Tiny?”

“Because he’s my newt…”

I’ve just been to the gym.  They’ve got a new machine in.  I only used it for half an hour as I started to feel sick.  It’s great though.  It does everything — KtKats, Mars bars, Snickers, Chips, the whole lot.

I’m not a saying I’m a bad cook but my doctor told me to start eating out.

And that’s it for today my friends.  I hope you managed to laugh your way through the issue and at least part of the day.  May you be blessed with Love and Happiness.

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5 Responses to Dragon Laffs #2107

  1. Dale says:

    This Saturday my husband will be gone 14 yrs. Miss him every day and still wear my wedding rings every day too. I will always miss him.

  2. Cynical John says:

    I know this is a tough time of year for you, but please remember that there are those around who love you and who are in your heart and those of us who appreciate you and what you do for us, both on this blog and in the real world and who thus keep you in our thoughts.

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