It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day in my …

Aww, who am I kidding!?

It’s 37 degrees outside and windy.  It’s only the middle of October and they are already talking about “the first snowflakes falling” and when that’s going to happen.  I worked my butt off this weekend (Yes, if you want to go there, my “ass is dragon”) and I’m tired and cold and, and…and

And, well, it’s NOT A BEAUTIFUL DAY IN ANY NEIGHBORHOOD!!!

Sigh…

Well, I’m glad I got that off my chest.  In fact, I feel so good now, that it IS A BEAUTIFUL DAY IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD…

Wow, schizophrenic much? 

Well, I’m sure that you guys are sick of me playing with the words.  Playing with them?  More like abusing them.  Beating them up.  Slapping them around.  Doing things to them that are just NOT RIGHT! Treating words like …

Okay, enough already!!  Geez!  Get to the damn point!

Alrighty then.  To the point.  Here’s the damn pointy-point:  

Aww, Stanley, I miss you, brother!

If you wait long enough to cook dinner, everyone will eat cereal.

Follow me for more recipes.

Lions can hunt and kill their own food by the time they’re 3 months old.

My 3-year-old couldn’t find her lunch box, and it was in her other hand.

I can’t believe we’re at the top of the food chain.

That is the … um … the … er, um that’s the … what were we talking… um … about?

I was thrown out of the breakroom of my Walmart yesterday. 

They asked me what I was doing there.

I told them I was on break.

They said you don’t work here.

I said I’d just finished using the self checkout, so clearly I do.

This is a great picture that reminds me of a book cover or something.  I can’t remember where I’ve seen it before, but the picture is very familiar to me.

Me:  Welcome to my she shed.

Gynecologist:  Please stop calling it that.

Idolizing a politician is like believing the stripper really likes you.

Boss:  You failed your drug test.

Me:  I had a poppy seed bagel. 

Boss:  Explain the weed and cocaine. 

Me:

Boss:

Me:  It was an everything bagel.

A good way to get out of a conversation you don’t want to be in, is to take off one of your socks and hand it to the person talking.

1.  Go to Google.

2.  Search cat

3.  Touch the paw icon

4.  Touch anywhere

You’re Welcome

– So, what do you do?

– I’m a supervillain.

– What’s your name?

– Autocorrector.

– HAHAHA!  Are you Sirius?  What’s your super powder?  Wait a minion…what the help is happy ninja to me? PLEATS MAKE IT DUCKING STOP!

There’s that whole laser pointer thing again.  Not a single guy in the room is reading this anyway.

This is very interesting 🤔

If I give you $1 billion and you stand on a street corner handing out $1 per second, twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, you would still not have handed out $1 billion after 31 years!

Now read on. This is true and rather hard to really understand.

The next time you hear a politician use the word ‘billion’ in a casual manner, think about whether you want the ‘politicians’ spending YOUR tax money.

A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into some perspective in one of its releases.

1.  A billion seconds ago, it was 1959.
2.  A billion minutes ago, Jesus was alive.
3.  A billion hours ago, our ancestors were living in the Stone Age.
4.  A billion days ago, no-one walked on the earth on two feet.
5.  A billion Dollars ago was only 13 hours and 12 minutes, at the rate our present government is spending it. 

We are charged:

•  Stamp Duty
•  Tobacco Tax
•  Corporate Income Tax
•  Income Tax
•  Council Tax
•  Unemployment Tax
•  Fishing License Tax
•  Petrol/Diesel Tax
•  Inheritance Tax (tax on top of tax)
•  Alcohol Tax
•  G.S.T.
•  Property Tax
•  Purchase Property Tax
•  Tax on Title Searches
•  Tax on Building Inspections
•  Tax on supplements
•  Taxes on various food items
•  Taxes on Dining out
•  Tax on all utilities – Phone, hydro, water, waste disposal
•  Service charge taxes
•  Social Security Tax
•  Vehicle License / Registration Tax
•  Vehicle Sales Tax
•  Workers Compensation Tax
•  And now Carbon Tax

AND I’m sure you can think of more……

STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?

Not one of these taxes existed 60 years ago, and our nation was one of the most prosperous in the world.  

We had absolutely no national debt.

We had the largest middle class in the world.  A criminal’s life was uncomfortable. What on earth happened?

When I was a kid they didn’t take me to a psychologist.  My mom was able to open my chakra, stabilize my karma, and clean my aura with a single slap.

The discussion reminded me of a story about Brendan Behan.  The writer was once invited to Oxford to take part in a debate about the difference between prose and poetry.  His opponent spoke for almost two hours.  Behan rose to hsi feet and promised to be brief.  He recited an old Dublin rhyme.
There was a young fella named Rollocks
Who worked for Ferrier Pollocks
As he walked on the strand
With a girl by the hand
The water came up to his ankles.
“That,” declared Behan, “is prose.  But if the tide had been in it would have been poetry.”

My favorite game is trying to take something out of the refrigerator without moving the other items in front of it.  I call it Refrigerator Jenga, and when you lose, you clean up marinara sauce for 40 minutes.

Not many of you are going to get that one.

A rock in bad hands killed Abel.  A rock in good hands killed Goliath.  It’s definitely not about the rock, folks.

Jameson doesn’t do that crap to you!!!!

 

If you stay silent and fail to rock the boat in the war between Good and Evil, your life might be easier, but your children’s won’t.

So very true, and a wonderful tribute!!!

And that is a lovely place to end this one.  Love and Happiness to you one and all, until we meet again!