The leading dragon on the internet…I guess that must be true.  I got a visit in my office today.  Some Waldo-looking Bugbear with a Russian accent.  Yup, picture a bugbear with a big ole leather jacket and that silly-assed looking hat that Waldo from Where’s Waldo wears.  And he’s gonna roll up to my office and threaten me and tell me that I need to get on the Biden bandwagon and stop shaking the liberal tree.  
I have never laughed so hard in my whole life.
I called him a fat koala bear and had him escorted from my office and released into the minotaur’s maze.  I’m pretty sure they are still down there playing hide-and-seek.  He’ll be down there AT LEAST until after the mid-terms and then I figure I’ll cut him loose somewhere in central Florida and let my good buddy Ron DeSantis play with him for a while.

Anyway, that’s been my day, I hope you guys have had a better day.  And in an effort to move in that direction, let’s go ahead and start the good stuff…  

Every woman needs a “no matter what” friend.  Someone they can call no matter what.  Someone they can vent to, no matter what.  Someone she doesn’t have to explain herself to, no matter what.

Peek-a-Friggin’-Boo!

Once you’ve seen a woman take her bar off WITHOUT removing her shirt, it makes so much more sense why they should be in charge of things.

Believe it or not, those last two pictures go together … and there’s probably a whole bunch of youngsters who have no idea what either one of them mean.

That’s not going to end well for this guy.

Anyone can make you smile, many people can make you cry, but it takes someone really special to make you smile with tears in your eyes.

Me?  Mature??!  Ha!  I still laugh when the ketchup bottle “farts”!

“I swear I heard somebody out here…”

 

The banker saw his old friend Tom, an eighty-year-old rancher, in town. 

Tom had lost his wife a year or so before and rumor had it that he was marrying a “mail order” bride. 

Being a good friend, the banker asked Tom if the rumor was true. Tom assured him that it was. 

The banker then asked Tom the age of his new bride to be. Tom proudly said, “She’ll be twenty-one in November.” 

Now the banker, being the wise man that he was, could see that the sexual appetite of a young woman could not be satisfied by an eighty-year-old man. 

Wanting his old friend’s remaining years to be happy the banker tactfully suggested that Tom should consider getting a hired hand to help him out on the ranch, knowing nature would take its own course. 

Tom thought this was a good idea and said he would look for one that afternoon. 

About four months later, the banker ran into Tom in town again. “How’s the new wife?” asked the banker. Tom proudly said, “Oh, she’s pregnant.” 

The banker, happy that his sage advice had worked out, continued, “And how’s the hired hand?” 

Without hesitating, Tom said, “She’s pregnant too.” 

As it says…not for the younger crowd.  This goes back a couple of years.  But it is good!

Not for the younger crowd:

Playwright Jim Sherman wrote this after hearing that Hu Jintao was named chief of the Communist Party in China. 

   HU’S ON FIRST 

   (We take you now to the Oval Office.) 

   George: Condi! Nice to see you. What’s happening? 

   Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China. 

   George: Great. Lay it on me. 

   Condi: Hu is the new leader of China. 

   George: That’s what I want to know. 

   Condi: That’s what I’m telling you. 

   George: That’s what I’m asking you. Who is the new leader of China? 

   Condi: Yes. 

   George: I mean the fellow’s name. 

   Condi: Hu. 

   George: The guy in China. 

   Condi: Hu. 

   George: The new leader of China. 

   Condi: Hu. 

   George: The Chinaman! 

   Condi: Hu is leading China. 

   George: Now whaddya’ asking me for? 

   Condi: I’m telling you Hu is leading China. 

   George: Well, I’m asking you. Who is leading China? 

   Condi: That’s the man’s name. 

   George: That’s who’s name? 

   Condi: Yes. 

   George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China? 

   Condi: Yes, sir. 

   George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East. 

   Condi: That’s correct. 

   George: Then who is in China? 

   Condi: Yes, sir. 

   George: Yassir is in China? 

   Condi: No, sir. 

   George: Then who is? 

   Condi: Yes, sir. 

   George: Yassir? 

   Condi: No, sir. 

   George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China.    Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone. 

   Condi: Kofi? 

   George: No, thanks. 

   Condi: You want Kofi? 

   George: No. 

   Condi: You don’t want Kofi. 

   George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. 

   And then get me the U.N. 

   Condi: Yes, sir. 

   George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N. 

   Condi: Kofi? 

   George: Milk! Will you please make the call? 

   Condi: And call who? 

   George: Who is the guy at the U.N? 

   Condi: Hu is the guy in China. 

   George: Will you stay out of China?! 

   Condi: Yes, sir. 

   George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N. 

   Condi: Kofi. 

   George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone. 

   (Condi picks up the phone.) 

   Condi: Rice, here. 

   George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East? 

   Thank You…Mr. President. 

Whew!

I’m so jealous!  I never, ever got a wave like this one!  And for this next one…Try and figure out what this next picture is.  Then after you’ve made your guesses, see below the picture below it to get the answer.

As to the picture above, here is the explanation that came along with it…

You are looking at the back of a woman with her shoulders brought together and she is leaning forward.  Her butt is on the top of the picture as if she was sitting on a stool. 

Thanks Steve

One day my six year old asked, “Daddy, what’s a transvestite?” 

I said, “Go ask your mother… he’ll tell you.” 

Noah got drunk,
Jacob lied,
Moses Murdered,
Rahab was a prostitute,
David had an affair.
God still used them.
He can use you, too.

Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching the telly when he hears a knock at the door. 

When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man, clutching a clip board and yelling, “You sign! You sign!” 

Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts. 

Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Chinese man starts to yell louder. “You sign! You sign!” 

Nelson says to him, “Look mate, you’ve obviously got the wrong bloke. Push off”, and shuts the door in his face. 

The next day he hears a knock at the door again. When he opens it the little Chinese man is back with a huge truck of brake pads. He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson’s nose, yelling, “You sign! You sign!” 

Mr Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he shoves the little Chinese man back, shouting: “Look, push off ! You’ve got the wrong bloke! I don’t want them!” Then he slams the door in his face again. 

The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he hears a knock on the door again. 

On opening the door, there is the same little Chinaman thrusting a clipboard under his nose, shouting “You sign! You sign!” 

Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts. This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the little man by his shirt front and yells at him; “Look, I don’t want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these to?” 

The little Chinese man looks at him very puzzled, consults his clipboard, and says: 

“You not Nissan Maindealer?” 

Thanks Joe!

This is amazing that this is happening…in New York and on the subway.  And other people are just standing around and watching it happen.

An oldie but goodie…thanks Steve:

A man was out in his back yard trying to fly a kite. He would throw the kite up into the air, the wind would catch it, it would spin around for a few seconds, then it would come crashing back down.

He tried this over and over, several times. All the while his wife was watching from her kitchen window.

Muttering to herself how men need guidance in everything, she opened the window and yelled, “You need more tail.”

The man turned to her and said, “Well, make up your mind. Last night you told me to go fly a kite.”

I was once popular, but my therapist took all my imaginary friends away.

And that’s another one in the record books friends.  May the rest of your week be filled with love and happiness.  Until next time.