Well, today is Monday and I went back to work this morning after my one day off this weekend and boy did I feel it.  I had a heck of a time staying awake.  I was going to take a sick day and call in this morning until I remembered that both of my guys were already taking the day off, so it was just going to be me there today.  So, I drug myself out of bed and went to work.  But, I think I’m going to take a vacation day or two later on this week and maybe extend my weekend this week.  We’ll see. 

Izzy and I have to take Pepper dragon to the Vet on Thursday for her annual visit, that ought to be fun, and it’s at like 1030 in the morning so it’s not worth going in to work before hand to turn around and come back home to pick Izzy and the dog up and by the time we get done and get back home, there won’t really be enough time left in the day to go back to work, so I’ll end up taking Thursday off anyway…and I might just throw Friday in the mix as well and make it a long weekend. 

Anyway, enough talk about long weekends, let’s talk instead about making some laughter, shall we?

I walked in the bedroom to find my wife dead in the bed the other day.  Looking at her lifeless there, I decided to have one last go.  Right in the middle she opened her eyes and shouted BOO! 

Honestly, some people are fucking sick in the head.

Ghetto word of the day:  Bishop.  My girlfriend fell down, so I picked that bishop.

You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the whole world and somebody’s still going to hate peaches.

This is an older drawing done of me by one of the art students at Dragon Laffs, Inc.

That’s about the way I was this morning…

When I was young, I was a poor golfer.

But after years of play and practice, I am no longer young.

Mine needs to have its own heartbeat.

Dear Diet,
It’s not me, it’s you.  I just don’t think it’s going to work between us.  You’re boring, tasteless, and I can’t stop cheating on you.

I’m not surprised Jeff Bezoz started seeing a woman who was close with his wife.  That’s classic Amazon, “if you like this, here’s something similar you also might like.”

We spent a lot of money on our front entrance (if you can find it) to our corporate Headquarters

When you dream, one portion of your brain creates the story while another part witnesses the events and is shocked or surprised by the plot twists.

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica?

Where do they go?  Well wonder no more.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the penguin family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:

“Freeze a jolly good fellow.”

“Freeze a jolly good fellow.”

Gotcha! You really didn’t believe that I know anything about penguins, did you?

You cannot be a true coffee lover until you’ve tried to suck the spilled coffee off of your shirt.

Get on my level.

My emotional support animal is a chicken.

A four piece.

With a biscuit.

Never do anything you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics.

If the FBI waited 18 months to seize “nuclear documents” from a country club, everyone at the agency should be fired.

If Slow Joe really didn’t know that Mar-A-Lago was being raided, that’s a tacit admission that someone else is in charge.

Facebook is a perfect example of socialism.  You get it for free.  You have no say in how it works.  The guy who runs it is rich.  You have no privacy, AND if you say one thing they don’t like, they shut you up…

Had a woman who was in active labor, despite insisting she couldn’t be pregnant.  She said her last period was “like ten months ago” so she’d gone through menopause.  She was 25.

Go ahead…throw out all those mailman jokes you’ve been holding on to this whole time!

I once had a patient tell me he needed his decapitation medicine because he was feeling full of shit.  I had to thing about it for a minute then I realized he was asking for his constipation medication.

I had a patient’s mom ask me if putting a catheter in her 6 year old son would break his hymen and would he still be a virgin.

Our spirts are everywhere.

And that’s it for another issue my dear friends.  May you have nothing but happiness until we meet again on Saturday.