Dragon Laffs #2055

We’ve made it all the way round to Thursday again.  Been a VERY busy week.  Monday was Grief Group, Tuesday was my follow up appointment with the surgeon, Physical Therapy, and darts, Wednesday was going to church for either a different Grief Group or Bible study.  As of the writing of this, I haven’t decided yet.

So, talking to the doctor, he is EXTREMELY happy with my progress and we decided I don’t have to wait until September 8 to go back to work.  We talked about it and decided  that 15 August was the correct date.  So, that’s what I’m going with.

Tuesday was much better at darts than last time.  I didn’t win any more matches, but I played better and faster and am getting back into the swing of things.  So, all of that helps. 

So, I know that you don’t want to listen to me ramble on about me and do want to laugh, so…

Officer:  Do you know why I pulled you over? 

Me:  The warrant probably 

Officer:  You have a broken…What?! 

Me:  What?!

I talk an awful lot of smack for someone who tips over when putting on their underwear.

They said I could be anything I wanted…

…So I became problematic.

Some friends are much more comfortable to sleep on then others.

My Heart Says Yes…

…But My Ankle Monitor Says No.

My young coworkers asked me to show them pictures of me in high school.  I said I’d go home and dig some out.  They said, “Can’t you just look on your phone?”

And I laughed and laughed and laughed and then I cried.

This damn phone book gets bigger every year!

No matter how hard I try, I never seem to run out of bad ideas.

If I’m a sarcastic asshole when I talk to you, it’s either because I really like you and feel comfortable teasing you…

Or I really hate you and don’t care if you know it…

Good luck figuring out which one.

I got so drunk last night, I walked across the dance floor to get another drink and won the dance contest.

Izzy Dragon saw this picture and said she didn’t like it because it was a bad mix of DC and Marvel.

A husband buys a dozen pairs of panties of the same color for his wife.  His wife protests, “Why the same color?  People will think I don’t change my panties!” 

The husband asks, “Which people?”

“Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it.”

– Golda Meir

Then suddenly, out of nowhere, when Roe vs. Wade popped back in the news… all the Liberals knew what a woman was again.

“Im so old that my blood type is discontinued.”

– Bill Dane

“The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened.

– Mark Twain

“Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes, age just shows up all by itself.”

– Tom Wilson

“I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do.”

– Phyllis Diller

“Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere.”

– George Burns

“Don’t let aging get you down. It’s too hard to get back up.”

– John Wagner

“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.”

– Robert Orben

“At age 20, we worry about what others think of us,  at age 40, we don’t care what they think of us,  at age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all.”

– Ann Landers

“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.”

– Andy Rooney

“I’ve never known a person who lives to be 110 who is remarkable for anything else.”

– Josh Billings

“The idea is to die young as late as possible.”

– Ashley Montagu

And back then, this stuff worked for ANYTHING!!!

I’m not drinking ANYTHING that has “penis” in its name!

And that’s it for today my friends.

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3 Responses to Dragon Laffs #2055

  1. jhjoseph says:

    Thanks for making me laugh and perhaps hundreds.

  2. David Dixon says:

    TIL Had to google TIL to find out what it means.

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