So, it’s Thursday morning and I’m off work. No, not a holiday and I’m not sick. Just had a rough night last night emotionally, and because of that, spent a pretty much sleepless night last night and the way I’m feeling, I am in no shape to go to work today. Emotionally, I just couldn’t handle it.
So…that’s me this morning. I’ve already gotten 3 work calls. But, that’s okay. I know my guys need me. It’s nice to be needed. I can’t wait till my surgery when my son will have my cell phone for the several hours that I will be in surgery and I told him to answer my phone. He is enough like me that his voice WILL be confused with mine. Everyone will be sure they will be talking to me. And he is going to hate it. LOL! I can hardly wait.
Anyway, Let’s get into the laughter and maybe we’ll find time to get into some other things later on.
Sad News!
I broke up with my girlfriend Loraine. She found out I was seeing another girl, Claire Lee.
Good News Though!
I can see Claire Lee now, Loraine is gone!
If you don’t get it…you’re too young.
I just ordered a Life Alert bracelet so if I get a life, I’ll be notified immediately.
Mother Nature apologizes for the late arrival of Spring.
Father Time was driving and refused to stop and ask for directions!
And then Summer leaped out in the middle of the road and caused a huge accident!
AND we have the BEST rides!
Ladies, if you come across a man who is smart, humble, well educated, financially secure, passionate, patient, mind blowing in bed, hot, great at fixing things around the house, can cook, loves you like he can never get enough of you, and listens to every word you say…
Then please be assured that the shit you are smoking is of superior quality.
I finally figured out what I want to be when I get older…
…Younger.
My coffee looked at me this morning and told me, “Sorry, I don’t do miracles.”
“Hey! Hey! Hey! Little Goyle! I gots a message for youse from da big guy! He says youse can come home now. Like, right now. Kapeesh? Get you’s skinny hiney up outta dere and getta move on!”
The man is absolutely, 100% right!
“Alright, Pal! I’m tired of you picking on all my smaller friends! How about you try picking on someone your own size for a change? Not too much fun now, IS IT MUTHAFUCKA!”
I finally found a diet plan that really works. It’s called “The Price of Food.”
Ask Alexa, “What is a woman?”. Ketanji Brown Jackson needs to know.
I identify with Dorothy.
I seem to attract men who are cowards, have no heart or are in need of a brain.
I have no idea why Politicians are attracted to me.
Stop saying, “They didn’t teach us that in school.”
Yes, they did!
You were talking.
Right when we needed somebody really good.
THAT WORKS FOR ME!!!! It just cost me $65 to fill the tank on my FRIGGIN’ EQUINOX! It’s not like it’s a big car, it’s a normal size car and it cost me $65 to fill it up! It wasn’t even all the way empty!!!!
You know, if Biden is the worst President ever, this guy was the biggest asshole President ever!
AND THIS BITCH!!!!
Yup! That was gonna be my question.
I hope Elon Musk never gets into a scandal because ElonGate would be really drawn out.
Here’s a fun fact about bees. Most of them are actually allergic to pollen. When exposed to pollen, they develop hives.
2014: Didn’t jog
2015: Didn’t jog
2016: Didn’t jog
2017: Didn’t jog
2018: Didn’t jog
2019: Didn’t jog
2020: Didn’t jog
2021: Didn’t jog
2022: Still haven’t jogged
This is a running joke.
I hate it when I’m singing a song and the artist gets the words wrong.
I haven’t done a Last Word in a while, but this one is important, and actually, it may even be a two parter. Both of which are in response to two different comments that I received from readers. Both of them serious. The first one from Helen
Dragon Laffs #2025
My husband has leukemia. I’ve been in mourning since the end of January. It’s heart wrenching to watch him fail day by day. Now he’s in hospice care. This is a hard road to travel, so I understand your grief.
My Dear Helen, I wish I could wrap you in my big dragon wings and comfort you. I know you understand my grief, and I, dear lady, understand yours to some small, slight degree. I think for me, in some ways, it was somewhat easier. Although my dear Mary was sick for most of the time I knew her, to one degree or another, it was only the last year or so that it got a little bad, and even at that, it was never really THAT bad, we had mostly really good times together. And then when it was time for her to go, it was relatively quick. But, I know you are watching your dear husband. And I don’t know if he is suffering or if he is comfortable, but you still know and you are still watching and I know your frustration, and your anger (or if you are like me, internal, insufferable rage that you dare not show him). Dearest Helen, I understand and since I read your comment, you have been in all my prayers. Please don’t hesitate to write to me or let me know if you’d like me to share your email and I know you will have others from here write to you, too. I know that they will also be praying for you. Please let us know if there is anything we can do for you. You are a member of our family.
With Love.
*********
And the second letter was from Leah
Dragon Laffs #2025
Speaking of churches, I am upset over a big branch that call themselves Christian. Why? Because I am religious, I believe in God, the Father, and Jesus, His son. I am not a member of any church, so as when I enter a hospital they ask what religion . . . I don’t know what to say, am I a FatherSon?
Maybe a GodSon? I believe in Christ, that sets me apart from being Jewish or Muslim, or Buddhist . .. . . But if I say Christian, they think of those big churches where people wave their hands above their heads.
Any suggestions?
Dearest Leah, I have a few suggestions, but I’m not sure you’re going to like any of them. Let’s start off with you telling them what I would tell them. Tell them that you are a Bobist. or in your case a Leahist. And when they ask what that is, you tell them that a Leahist is a person who believes in what Leah believes in. And I’m Leah. And then let it go and dare them to keep asking questions.
The second thing you can do when someone asks you what religion you are, you can say, “None of your business.” and depending on your mood and the continuing rudeness of the person, you can add any amount of degree of varying curse words between the words “your” and “business”.
The third option is to answer with something so outlandish, such as, “I am a Swedish Lapsadonal Monk and I insist you allow me my religious freedom during my stay here!” Depending on your seriousness and the haughtiness of your tone, that’s normally enough to straighten the back of any bureaucrat.
Lastly, you can just keep repeating that you don’t understand the question over and over again until they get the point that you aren’t going to answer, especially if you answer all the other questions they ask logically and succinctly.
I do hope that helps, that is the BEST advice I can give you. Because I gave it some honest, serious thought, and truly, the first one is the one that I use most often, followed by the second one when pushed into a corner. And I’m sure you can imagine the colorful words that I use between the words “your” and “business”.
And that’s all I have for you guys for today. I’m teaching class again while you are reading this. This should be the last class I teach for a while, unless things change. I have an exercise coming up for the next UTA and then I have surgery and won’t be able to teach for several weeks. But, until then, we’ll have lots of issues between us.
Love and happiness to you all, my friends, my brothers and my sisters.
Dragon Laffs 
I like the second one best. It is the truth, and your privacy is yours to protect.
Thanks! I really mean it. Your idea of a Bobist, Leahist, is a good one. . . as long as they don’t mis-hear as ‘Leftist”. I have a problem with not answering because of Matthew 10:33 “But whosoever shall deny me before men, him will I also deny before my Father which is in heaven”.
And I am completely staying out of the Mother in Heaven fight between the Mormons and the LGBTQ crowd.