So, it’s Thursday morning and I’m off work. No, not a holiday and I’m not sick. Just had a rough night last night emotionally, and because of that, spent a pretty much sleepless night last night and the way I’m feeling, I am in no shape to go to work today. Emotionally, I just couldn’t handle it.
So…that’s me this morning. I’ve already gotten 3 work calls. But, that’s okay. I know my guys need me. It’s nice to be needed. I can’t wait till my surgery when my son will have my cell phone for the several hours that I will be in surgery and I told him to answer my phone. He is enough like me that his voice WILL be confused with mine. Everyone will be sure they will be talking to me. And he is going to hate it. LOL! I can hardly wait.
Anyway, Let’s get into the laughter and maybe we’ll find time to get into some other things later on.
I broke up with my girlfriend Loraine. She found out I was seeing another girl, Claire Lee.
Good News Though!
I can see Claire Lee now, Loraine is gone!
If you don’t get it…you’re too young.
I just ordered a Life Alert bracelet so if I get a life, I’ll be notified immediately.
Mother Nature apologizes for the late arrival of Spring.
Father Time was driving and refused to stop and ask for directions!
And then Summer leaped out in the middle of the road and caused a huge accident!
AND we have the BEST rides!
Ladies, if you come across a man who is smart, humble, well educated, financially secure, passionate, patient, mind blowing in bed, hot, great at fixing things around the house, can cook, loves you like he can never get enough of you, and listens to every word you say…
Then please be assured that the shit you are smoking is of superior quality.
I finally figured out what I want to be when I get older…
My coffee looked at me this morning and told me, “Sorry, I don’t do miracles.”
“Hey! Hey! Hey! Little Goyle! I gots a message for youse from da big guy! He says youse can come home now. Like, right now. Kapeesh? Get you’s skinny hiney up outta dere and getta move on!”
The man is absolutely, 100% right!
“Alright, Pal! I’m tired of you picking on all my smaller friends! How about you try picking on someone your own size for a change? Not too much fun now, IS IT MUTHAFUCKA!”
I finally found a diet plan that really works. It’s called “The Price of Food.”
Ask Alexa, “What is a woman?”. Ketanji Brown Jackson needs to know.
I identify with Dorothy.
I seem to attract men who are cowards, have no heart or are in need of a brain.
I have no idea why Politicians are attracted to me.
Stop saying, “They didn’t teach us that in school.”
Yes, they did!
You were talking.
Right when we needed somebody really good.
THAT WORKS FOR ME!!!! It just cost me $65 to fill the tank on my FRIGGIN’ EQUINOX! It’s not like it’s a big car, it’s a normal size car and it cost me $65 to fill it up! It wasn’t even all the way empty!!!!
You know, if Biden is the worst President ever, this guy was the biggest asshole President ever!
AND THIS BITCH!!!!
Yup! That was gonna be my question.
I hope Elon Musk never gets into a scandal because ElonGate would be really drawn out.
Here’s a fun fact about bees. Most of them are actually allergic to pollen. When exposed to pollen, they develop hives.
2014: Didn’t jog
2015: Didn’t jog
2016: Didn’t jog
2017: Didn’t jog
2018: Didn’t jog
2019: Didn’t jog
2020: Didn’t jog
2021: Didn’t jog
2022: Still haven’t jogged
This is a running joke.
I hate it when I’m singing a song and the artist gets the words wrong.
I haven’t done a Last Word in a while, but this one is important, and actually, it may even be a two parter. Both of which are in response to two different comments that I received from readers. Both of them serious. The first one from Helen
Dragon Laffs #2025
My husband has leukemia. I’ve been in mourning since the end of January. It’s heart wrenching to watch him fail day by day. Now he’s in hospice care. This is a hard road to travel, so I understand your grief.
My Dear Helen, I wish I could wrap you in my big dragon wings and comfort you. I know you understand my grief, and I, dear lady, understand yours to some small, slight degree. I think for me, in some ways, it was somewhat easier. Although my dear Mary was sick for most of the time I knew her, to one degree or another, it was only the last year or so that it got a little bad, and even at that, it was never really THAT bad, we had mostly really good times together. And then when it was time for her to go, it was relatively quick. But, I know you are watching your dear husband. And I don’t know if he is suffering or if he is comfortable, but you still know and you are still watching and I know your frustration, and your anger (or if you are like me, internal, insufferable rage that you dare not show him). Dearest Helen, I understand and since I read your comment, you have been in all my prayers. Please don’t hesitate to write to me or let me know if you’d like me to share your email and I know you will have others from here write to you, too. I know that they will also be praying for you. Please let us know if there is anything we can do for you. You are a member of our family.
And the second letter was from Leah
Dragon Laffs #2025
I like the second one best. It is the truth, and your privacy is yours to protect.
Thanks! I really mean it. Your idea of a Bobist, Leahist, is a good one. . . as long as they don’t mis-hear as ‘Leftist”. I have a problem with not answering because of Matthew 10:33 “But whosoever shall deny me before men, him will I also deny before my Father which is in heaven”.
And I am completely staying out of the Mother in Heaven fight between the Mormons and the LGBTQ crowd.