Dragon Laffs #2009


Spent a bad day today.  Depression is beating me about the head and shoulders, so I am going to do my best to concentrate on other things.  I actually screamed out loud on my drive home from work today.  I usually listen to podcasts when I drive to and from work.  Today, my mind started wandering and, like it normally does, it went to my dear Mary and today’s internal video was all about the last day in the hospital and I found myself with my forehead pressed against her forehead as she passed away.  Driving down the highway at 68 mph is not the best place to be crying your eyes out, so I screamed. 

Didn’t help.

I’m not sure, but I may have scared the shit out of the driver in the next lane. 

I really need to take better care of myself.  I’ve lost all interest in eating.  Which is great for weight loss, but really crappy for health.  I am now taking too much medicine for how much I weigh.  And, I’m getting nauseous in the morning because I’m not eating anything after taking my handful of fucking pills that I take every damn morning. 

And I said I was going to concentrate on other things.  That ain’t working out real well. 

So, let’s move ourselves along to other things, the first of which is laughter…

A lot of folks can’t understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in our country. ~~~

Well, there’s a very simple answer.
~~~
Nobody bothered to check the oil.
~~~
We just didn’t know we were getting low.
~~~
The reason for that is purely geographical.
~~~
Our OIL is located in:
~~~
Alaska
~~~
California
~~~
Coastal Florida
~~~
Coastal Louisiana
~~~
Coastal Alabama
~~~~
Coastal Mississippi
~~~~
Coastal Texas
~~~
North Dakota
~~~
Wyoming
~~~
Colorado
~~~
Kansas
~~~
Oklahoma
~~~
Pennsylvania
~~~
And Texas
~~~
Our dipstick is located in the White House!
~~~

Any Questions?
NO? Didn’t think So.

We hang petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.

Aesop, Greek slave & fable author

Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber

Plato, ancient Greek Philosopher

Politicians are the same all over: they promise to build a bridge even where there is no river.

Nikita Khrushchev, Russian Soviet politician

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I’m beginning to believe it.

Quoted in ‘Clarence Darrow for the Defence’ by Irving Stone.

Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel.

John Quinton, American actor/writer

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other.

Oscar Ameringer, “the Mark Twain of American Socialism.”

I offered my opponents a deal: “if they stop telling lies about me, I will stop telling the truth about them”.

Adlai Stevenson, campaign speech, 1952.

A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country.

Texas Guinan, 19th century American businessman

I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.

Charles de Gaulle, French general & president

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.

Doug Larson, English middle-distance runner who won gold medals at the 1924 Olympic Games

What happens if a politician drowns in a river? That is pollution.

What happens if all of them drown? That is solution !!

I have come to the conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two are lawyers and three or more are the government.

John Adams (1735 – 1826)

Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Government. But then I repeat myself.

Mark Twain (1835- 1910)

I don’t make jokes. I just watch the Government and report the facts.

Will Rogers (1879- 1935)

I contend that for a nation to try and tax itself into prosperity, is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.

Winston Churchill (1874 – 1965)

A government which robs Peter to pay Paul, can always depend on the support of Paul !

Will Rogers (1879- 1935)

The problem we face today is that the people who work for a living are outnumbered by those who vote for a living.

George Bernard Shaw (1856- 1950)

I don’t like political jokes, but a lot of them get elected.

Joseph Badger (1935- 2021)

Baby pictures of the Whelplings

Too few people spontaneously combust.

That is just the right size!  Put them in the freezer, they’d be the right temperature!  Man, I gotta find them!

When a woman says, “Correct me if I’m wrong”

Do not under any, I mean ANY, circumstances do it!

My ex once said he couldn’t live without me and I recently found out he’s still alive. 

More lies.

Dancing with my best friend.

My bank has a new service where they will text you your balance.  It’s cool, I just don’t think they should add “LOL” at the end.

WEDDING NIGHT CONFESSIONS

Husband:  Honey, I have to confess, I’ve slept with loads of prostitutes before I met you! 

Wife:  I just knew I’d seen you somewhere before!!

I just used the self checkout in Walmart without needing assistance and they made me district manager.

Dog:  You are my life!  I will do anything for you!  

Human:  Drop the ball.  

Dog:  Nope.

Is it just me, or does it feel like the years 2020, 2021, and 2022 have been 

Written by 

Stephen King 

Directed by 

Quentin Tarantino 

with a 

Soundtrack by 

Yoko Ono

Behind every husband who thinks he wears the pants in the family…

Is a wife who told him which pants to wear.

OH HELL NO!

So, as you may have guessed, my life kinda blew up again over the weekend.  And I’m just now catching back up.  I think I told you that my surgery is scheduled for June 13th and I have to find a ride to the hospital at 5 am, well…it may not be coming soon enough.  My hip actually gave out on me several times while I was teaching class…once enough to actually bring me crashing into the students desks.  That’s kind of tough to laugh off.  The other times, just enough to to make me stumble around like I was fucking drunk. 

And that just exacerbated my depression even more…to an alarming degree.  The screaming in the car was MILD compared to what I’ve been going through.  It’s been horrible.  It sucks being alone.  I HATE being alone.  I don’t want to be alone.  I want Mary back, dammit! 

THIS

FUCKING

SUCKS!

sIgH…

oKaY …

i’M bAcK … because, what choice do I have? 

You know you guys are keeping me sane, right?  Or what passes for sanity nowadays.  Between you and Izzy Dragon, I’m not really sure what I would do without you guys.  Right now Izzy and I are on a Batman kick.  We watched all the Dark Knight movies and are currently, as I’m writing this, watching the Lego Batman movie. 

It’s Tuesday night and this will post on Thursday to put me back on track, so let’s go ahead and put some more memes and cartoons and stuff out here, shall we? 

DIET TIP: 

Eat food off of other people’s plates.  Those are their calories. 

They don’t count.

I never do sit ups at home as I am against domestic ab use.

After venting to someone, do you ever just sit back and think, “I should’ve kept that to myself.”

Often

And that it is for today.  I tried to throw some extra stuff in here since it’s been so long since I’ve posted…one week to be exact.  I should post again on Saturday and be back on schedule again.  My apologies for my crazy week.  And I hope all of you are doing well.  Love and happiness to you all.

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1 Response to Dragon Laffs #2009

  1. Hms says:

    I understand your gift. My husband has Lukemia and is now in comfort care, so day by day I’m losing my ROCK, I hate b e ing alone also, at least s t my daughters keep coming home to see their dad and to comfort me. I think it was John Wayne that said..Buckle up Butter Cup .. it’s a bumpy road ahead!

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