Dragon Laffs #1999

So yeah…I missed Monday.  It was a really long, really hard weekend.  My body feels like it’s been run over by a steamroller.

Yeah, I’m getting too old for this…although, according to my doctor, whom I saw this morning, I’m heathy as a friggin’ horse.

Blood pressure was about perfect, weight is down even more, I’ve now lost a total of  about 85 lbs.  She set me up with a whole gamut of blood tests, urine tests, and she’s sending me for physical therapy to try and help with my back pain.  STILL waiting to hear a date for my hip surgery.  I’m going to have to give them a call and jiggle their elbow I think. 

I’ve got the news on again, which I know is a mistake, but they are saying that Biden is going to announce a ban on Russian oil.  The average price of gas is $4.17 a gallon.  I filled up after my doctor’s appointment this morning.  Cost me $50!  For 3/4 of a tank of gas!  I paid $3.99 a gallon.  And we here in northern Indiana are normally a bit cheaper than the rest of the country.  They were showing signs from places like Los Angeles where it was over $5.00 a gallon.  But you know what?  YOU KNOW WHAT!  It’s worth it to stop buying fucking Russian oil!!  But you also know what???  We can drop that price right back down again, but drilling in our own damn country like we SHOULD BE DOING!!!!! 

And Harris is on TV telling us with a great big shit eating grin on her face, that “we are in the midst of a turning point.  We have the technology to transition to a zero emission fleet.”  Yeah…a couple of problems with that, not the least of which is that Afghanistan is the leading place to get the minerals you need for the batteries for your stupid electric vehicles and you just gave that country to China!  Oh wait!  That’s right…the Bidens all work for China.  I’m sorry.  I forgot that part. 

Alright, let’s get a couple of laughs in before Biden tells us how we’re going to get on without Russian oil.  We’re probably going to release another couple of hundred thousand barrels of strategic reserves or something stupid like that.

Now there’s a mom thinking outside the box.

Why are companies putting the lids on so tight now that I’m older?

Some of the amusement rides that we have at Dragon Laffs, Inc. are the envy of the likes of Disney World and Six Flags!

You know…there’s probably a logical explanation for this…but for the life of me, I can’t figure out what in the hell it might be.

The Year is 1922 
Very interesting for all ages.

The year is 1922,”One hundred years ago.”  What a difference a century makes!

Here are some statistics for Year 1922:
The average life expectancy for men was 47 years.

Fuel for cars was sold in drug stores only.

Only 14 percent of homes had a bathtub.

Only 8 percent of homes had a telephone.

The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph

The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower.

The average US wage in 1922 was 22 cents per hour.

The average US worker made between $200 and $400 per year.

A competent accountant could expect to earn $2,000 per year.

A dentist earned $2,500 per year.

A veterinarian between $1,500 and 4,000 per year.

And, a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.

More than 95 percent of all births took place at home

Ninety percent of all Doctors had NO COLLEGE EDUCATION! Instead, they attended so-called medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press AND in the government as “substandard.”

Sugar cost four cents a pound.

Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.

Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.

Most women washed their hair once a month and used Borax or egg yolks for shampoo.

Canada passed law prohibiting poor people from entering into their country for any reason.

The Five leading causes of death were:

1 Pneumonia and influenza

2 Tuberculosis

3 Diarrhea

4 Heart disease

5 Stroke

The American flag had 45 stars …

The population of Las Vegas , Nevada was only 30.

Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced tea hadn’t been invented yet.

There was neither a Mother’s Day nor Father’s Day.

Two out of every 10 adults couldn’t read or write And, only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school.

Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were available over the counter at local drugstores. Back then pharmacists said: “Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach, bowels, and is a perfect guardian of health!” (Shocking?)

Eighteen percent of households had at least one full-time servant or domestic help…

There were about 230 reported murders in the ENTIRE U.S.A.

I am now going to forward this to someone else without typing it myself. From there, it will be sent to others all over WORLD all in a matter of seconds! It is impossible to imagine what it may be like in another 100 years.
Never mind 100 years…….just 5 more years

If a man speaks in the forest, but there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?

So I got sucked down a YouTube rabbit hole and this is what I found.  Made me laugh really hard, so I thought it would make you guys laugh, too.  31 years ago…

Ain’t that the truth!

I can’t wait for the sunrises to come back…

One of the more tame rides…

Think you are havinbad day? 

Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned-out section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire.   The deceased male was dressed in a full wetsuit, complete with scuba tanks on his back, flippers, and face mask. 

A post-mortem test revealed that the man died not from burns, but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification.   Investigators then set about to determine how a fully clothed diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire. 

It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the man went diving off the coast, some 20 miles from the forest.   The fire fighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, had called in a fleet of helicopters with very large dip buckets.   Water was dipped from the ocean and emptied at the site of the forest fire. 

You guessed it.   One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next, he was doing the breaststroke in a fire dip bucket 300 feet in the air. 

Some days it just doesn’t pay to get out of bed. But keep reading….

Stilthink yourhavinbad day? 

A man was working on his motorcycle on the patio, his wife nearby in the kitchen.   While racing the engine, the motorcycle accidentally slipped into gear.  The man, still holding onto the handlebars, was dragged along as it burst through the glass patio doors. 

His wife, hearing the crash, ran in the room to find her husband cut and bleeding, the motorcycle, and the shattered patio door.   She called for an ambulance and, because the house sat on a fairly large hill, went down the several flights of stairs to meet the paramedics and escort them to her husband. 

While the attendants were loading her husband, the wife managed to right the motorcycle and push it outside.   She also quickly blotted up the spilled petrol with some paper towels and tossed them into the toilet. 

After being treated and released, the man returned home, looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle.   He went into the bathroom and consoled himself with a cigarette while attending to his business.   About to stand, he flipped the butt between his legs. 

The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her husband screaming.   Finding him lying on the bathroom floor with his trousers blown away and burns on his buttocks, legs and groin, she once again phoned for an ambulance..   The same paramedic crew was dispatched. 

As the paramedics carried the man down the stairs to the ambulance they asked the wife how he had come to burn himself.   She told them.   They started laughing so hard, one slipped, the stretcher dumping the husband out.   He fell down the remaining stairs, breaking his arm.

Still having a bad day ?

Jusremembericoulbe worse.. 

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000.   At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers.   A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

Little cousin Eddie has a really crappy job.

Stilthink yoarhavinbad day ? 

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle.   Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places.   Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

STILthink yourhavinbad day ? 

Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany.   Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly.   The two hapless protesters were trampled to death.

Wha?!   STILL havinbaday ?? 

Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn’t pay enough postage on a letter bomb.    It came back with ‘return to sender’ stamped on it.   Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.

Thernow, feeling  better?

I bet the people who voted for Biden are turning over in their graves.

The doctor said if I have the vasectomy, I wouldn’t have any kids…so I had the operation.  I got home…they’re still fucking here!

When you absolutely, positively hate your neighbors

You know you’re old when you now clean to the music you used to drink to.

When they said, “History repeats itself,” I wasn’t expecting all of the twentieth century in two years.

Pretty bad time to be a disastrously bad real estate developer with hundreds of millions in debt coming due and your primary source of laundered money currently banned from world banks.

The distance between dreams and reality is called Action.

Dad is obsessive compulsive about his vinyl and owns every single Beatles record except for one…

I think he needs Help.

The problem is not that people are uneducated.  The problem is that they are educated just enough to believe what they’ve been taught, and not educated enough to question what they’ve been taught.

And that my friends is that.  Love and happiness to you all.

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1 Response to Dragon Laffs #1999

  1. Leah D says:

    I looked it up . . . the year I was born, life expectancy was 67.2 years. I just turned 72 in February. Is there a tax or a change for going over the limit? Never mind, I think I can fight it, I am only half alive!

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