Dragon Laffs #1950


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Good Morning Campers,

Welcome to the weekend.  Another working one for me.  More classes to teach, more GIs to work with.  More CBRN classes to work my way through.  The difference between this weekend and the many, many others is this is the one where the TRs (traditional reservists) have to decide whether they take the vaccine or … not.  And the not is … still somewhat up in the air.

So, it should be quite the interesting weekend for all concerned. 

I’ve already had a pure crappy day. 

I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned this before or not, but me a biting bugs and stuff don’t get along.  Like at all.  You may remember me getting all kinds of really strange swelling and stuff from brushing up against some weeds in the back yard and someone said that it may have been *.  Well, mosquitos and bees are the same way.  Make a long story short, I took a rare break at work today and bee2stepped outside to smoke a quick cigar and had a bee fly down the back of mybee1 shirt and … you guessed it, stung me on my back!  Little bastard!  And of course, it swelled right up and here it is like 7 hours later and it still hurts like a son-of-a-bitch.

And that pretty much set the pace for my whole friggin’ day.

So … if anyone needs to laugh today, it’s this poor little dragon.  So, let’s do this!

Lets laugh

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My Four Moods

  1. I need coffee
  2. I need a nap
  3. I need a vacation
  4. I need duct tape, rope, and a shovel

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Apparently “beer” isn’t “a helpful reply” when asked for ways to improve team meetings.

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spinning pink ribbon

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Ahem … (but why martinis?)

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Dragon Pix

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“I know sweetheart, I’ll keep all the big mean bees away from you.”

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Little bastards!

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A fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a
living. All the typical answers came up – fireman, mechanic, businessman, car salesman… and so forth.
However, little Justin was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the
teacher prodded him about his father, he replied, “My father’s an exotic
dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes to music in front of
other men and they put money in his underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go home with some guy and stay with him all night for money.”
The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other
children to work on some exercises and took little Justin aside. “Is that
really true about your father?”
“No,” the boy said, “He works for the Democratic National Committee and helped to get Biden elected, but it’s too embarrassing to say that in front of the other kids.”

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Lord’s Prayer

By a 15-year-old school kid who got an A+ for this entry (TOTALLY AWESOME)!

The Lord’s Prayer is not allowed in most U.S. Public schools any more. A kid in Minnesota wrote the following NEW School Prayer:-

Now I sit me down in school
Where praying is against the rule. 
For this great nation under God,
Finds mention of Him very odd.

If scripture now the class recites,
It violates the Bill of Rights.
And anytime my head I bow
Becomes a Federal matter now.

Our hair can be purple, orange or green,
That’s no offense; it’s a freedom scene.
The law is specific, the law is precise.
Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.

For praying in a public hall
Might offend someone with no faith at all. 
In silence alone we must meditate,
God’s name is prohibited by the State.

We’re allowed to cuss and dress like freaks,
And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks.
They’ve outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible.
To quote the Good Book makes me liable.

We can elect a pregnant Senior Queen,
And the ‘unwed daddy,’ our Senior King.
It’s ‘inappropriate’ to teach right from wrong.
We’re taught that such ‘judgments’ do not belong.

We can get our condoms and birth controls,
Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles.
But the Ten Commandments are not allowed,
No word of God must reach this crowd. 

It’s scary here I must confess,
When chaos reigns the school’s a mess.
So, Lord, this silent plea I make:
Should I be shot; My soul please take!

Amen

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I’ve got this one on my phone and have sent it out as a text image several times to people with no explanation … just to make a point.

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Fantasy

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“Come with me if you want to live!”

“Now, that just sounds like the lamest pickup line I’ve ever …”

“Just run, dammit!”

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There are far too many businesses with this exact plan.

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I’m not sure if I washed the spider down the drain in my shower or if he took one look at me naked and then leapt willingly to his death.

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Secrets to Inner Peace

If you can start the day without caffeine,

If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

If you can resist complaining and  boring people with your troubles,

If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,

If you can conquer tension without medical help,

If you can relax without alcohol,

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

 

Then You Are Probably

The Family Dog!

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And you thought I was going to get all spiritual ….

 

Handle every Stressful situation like a dog.  

If you can’t eat it or play with it,

 

Piss on it and walk away.

That was from Papa Dragon most Senior (my Dad) who got it from his buddy Vito.

Thanks and love to both of them.

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Stop an argument … stop a heart … one or the other.

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Warrior

Motivate

Hooters

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hope

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Hopscotch

Horror Movies

Horror

Hostage

Hostility

Hot Air Balloons

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Please congratulate me on my new position!

It’s the fetal position, I will be in it for a while.

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I saw two guys wearing matching outfits and asked if they were gay?

They arrested me.

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I’m trying to see things from your point of view.

But I can’t stick my head that far up my ass.

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I don’t mind coming to work, but this eight hour wait to go home is just bullshit.

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Politic

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Even the devil on my shoulder sometimes screams out, “What the hell are you doing?”

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Actually, I think that’s a bit excessive myself.

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And with that bit of anal humor, I think we’ll end this right here.  I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend.  Please feel bad for me while I work this weekend, lol.  Love and happiness to you all.

I hope to have an issue out on Monday, but you guys know the way my weekends work out for me sometimes.

Cheers Impish

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3 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1950

  1. Stephanie says:

    Love you man. I keep an epi pen in case i get stung. No enjoyment being up close and personal with bees

  2. RODNEY C PAQUIN says:

    How do I unsubscribe?
    The blog was fun, but now there’s too much (obviously serious) political crap.

    • impishdragon says:

      Not really sure Rodney. I’m sorry you’re unhappy with my offerings. That’s your right. I always figured most everyone read it online, it wasn’t until recently that I found out that you could read it in email. I’ll try to investigate over the next couple of days and see if I can figure it out and let you know.

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