Dragon Laffs #1842


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Good Morning Campers,

It’s Monday … and I’m back to work as you’re reading this.  Be sad for me.  LOL!  I’ve enjoyed my couple of days off, and I’m sure it will be a dead zone during the time between Christmas and New Year’s, but I’d still rather be off work.

Oh well.  I’ve really grown used to the luxuries in life, like heat, electricity, and food, so I guess I have to go back to work.  Although I suppose I could just sit on my ass and let the government take care of me … isn’t that the democratic way?  Okay, it’s too early to get into that now, let’s do other things first, okay?

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Holy Crap!  Everyone!  Everyone of them has died!??!!

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1) No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats.

2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair.

3) If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person.

4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.

5) You can’t trust dogs to watch your food.

6) Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.

7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.

8) You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

9) Don’t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.

10) The best place to be when you’re sad is Grandpa’s lap.

Those are some really great truths!

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Just do me a favor, and let me know BEFORE you use it for the first time.

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GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.

2) Wrinkles don’t hurt.

3) Families are like fudge…mostly sweet, with a few nuts.

4) Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut that held its ground.

5) Laughing is good exercise. It’s like jogging on the inside.

6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

I like the kid’s truths better.  The adult’s truths are … too adult.

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GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD

1) Growing up is mandatory; growing old is optional.  Amen!

2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.

3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you’re down there.

4) You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

5) It’s frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.  No Shit!  What good is all this knowledge and wisdom if nobody bothers to use it?

6) Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.

7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

Still liking the kid’s one better.

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Must be a southern girl thing … but if you’re looking for a handsome dragon to help you clean that hay outta that bra …

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Studies have shown that intelligent people swear more than stupid motherfuckers.

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I have to share this with you guys because it made me laugh like hell.  As many of you know and something I didn’t publish this year because we got some really crappy news on Christmas Eve, but the day before Christmas is my birthday.  And today, the day after Christmas, I have two funny stories about that.  The first is a comment from Dave:

Dave


My birthday was Christmas Eve. I turned 70 and I will tell you, 69 was NOT as much fun as I thought it would be!

Dave, I gotta tell you.  I laughed like hell when I read that.  And I really needed a laugh. 

The second thing was that in today’s mail I got a birthday card from my Dad, Papa Dragon most Senior.  Now, I’m 62 years old now and I thought at first that maybe Dad forgot or couldn’t get out or any number of things, but like I said, I’m an older guy and I don’t worry about birthdays like maybe I used to.  And being 2020 and EVERYTHING that my family had gone through this year, it’s almost getting comical like, okay, what ELSE … you know.  But, it probably was that the mail was just delayed, like I’ve heard from so many other people that it’s been.  I got a very nice card from Dad and inside was tucked a twenty dollar bill. 

I opened it in front of Mrs. Dragon and just laughed and laughed and she said what’s so funny? And I said the thought of an 85 year-old man sending his 62 year-old son a twenty dollar bill for his birthday is just hilarious.  Not that I’m not appreciative, I truly am, but I just think it’s funny.  Love you, Dad.

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The perfect headline for today’s America.  Could change it to COVID is nation’s top killer and it would mean the same thing since everyone who dies who has the COVID virus in them or the antibodies is listed as a COVID death to inflate the numbers. 

And speaking of fucked up numbers, here’s an article that was sent to me that I’m going not going to reprint in its entirety in the hopes that the gateway pundit doesn’t get pissed off at me for doing so, but I think it’s important enough for everyone to read, so I will give you the highlights and STRONGLY URGE you all to go and read the very short article.

First of all, here’s the link to the original article:  https://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2020/12/evidence-shows-total-deaths-2020-no-different-prior-years-open-economy-democrats/

And the headline:

More Evidence Shows Total Deaths in 2020 Are No Different Than Prior Years – Open Up the Economy Democrats

A couple weeks ago a study at John’s Hopkins University was taken down because it showed that total deaths in the US in 2020 were no different than prior years.  Today another expert shares the same.

They also talked about how the article from the CDC showing that their own numbers showing that deaths from JUST Corona Virus were only 6% of deaths attributed to Corona Virus was also taken down amongst many other articles also taken down.

And the chart showing deaths:

Deaths in the USA over the years…

2010: 2.5M
2011: 2.5M
2012: 2.5M
2013 :2.6M
2014: 2.6M
2015: 2.7M
2016: 2.7M
2017: 2.8M
2018: 2.8M
2019: 2.9M
2020: 2.5M (as of November)

Where is the massive spike?

(h/t @MillerStream)

— Dr. David Samadi, MD (@drdavidsamadi) December 13, 2020

And their concluding paragraph, which I think, says it all:

Again, there is data that indicates that COVID is not as terrible as China and the US medical professionals would like us to think. This is why this report at Johns Hopkins had to be taken down. It has nothing to do with the truth and everything to do with the message.

What ever happened to just studying and reporting the truth?

Indeed?  Media, news people, you should all be ashamed of yourselves.  Didn’t you take this career to follow the truth?  To uncover lies?  To tell the truth no matter what?  Instead, you sell out?  Aren’t you all so proud of yourselves.  Don’t you feel so proud when you tell your children what you do for a living. 

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Yup, that’s about right.

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The Dragon Version of Laser Tag

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I’ve had a really bad day.  First my ex gets run over by a bus and next I get fired from my job as a bus driver.

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So, I was playing chess the other day ….

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Here’s another great one.  Ever want to prove to someone why the 2nd Amendment is so important?  Here you go:

Watch this it is interesting and true.

This incident actually happened in 1946 in the USA . Look it up if you don’t believe it.

  I was completely unaware of this event that took place in Athens , TN in 1946. I did not know an armed revolt on American soil by WWII veterans ever took place during our lifetime. A very sobering video to say the least.

  Now the second amendment should be a little clearer to everyone.This movie lasts less than four minutes and is well worth the time. The production was old fashioned, but it tells a true story.

http://voxvocispublicus.homestead.com/Battle-of-Athens.html

FACTS: Please do not delete this bit of US History of which many Americans have no knowledge. View it and share it and pray that we will never need such a response to government!

Of course the returning soldiers were from the greatest generation.  They didn’t understand “woke”, “toxic masculinity”, “culture appropriation” and all the other modern perverted drama-queen foolishness, and other bull sh*t nonsense of today.

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Aftermath of Dragon Laser Tag

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Lovable Lucy at Christmas

As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them.

What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay’s kids’ stockings were overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.

One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don’t sell those things at WalMart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown.

If you’ve never been in an X-rated store, don’t go. You’ll only confuse yourself. I was there an hour saying things like, “What does this do? You’re kidding me!Who would buy that?”

Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section.

I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool lane during rush hour.

Finding what I wanted was difficult.Love Dolls come in many different models.

The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do things I’d only seen in a book on animal husbandry.

I settled for ‘Lovable Lucy’. She was at the bottom of the price scale. To call Lucy a doll took a huge leap of imagination.

On Christmas Eve and with the help of an old bicycle pump, Lucy came to life.

My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours. Long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the dangling pantyhose with Lucy’s smooth legs and bottom. I also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. I went home, and giggled for a couple of hours.

The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him VERY happy. But had left the dog confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more.

We all agreed that Lucy should remain in her panty hose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional Christmas dinner.

My grandmother noticed Lucy the moment she walked in the door. “What the hell is that?” she asked. My brother quickly explained, “It’s a doll.”

“Who would play with something like that?” Granny snapped.

I had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut.

“Where are her clothes?” Granny continued.

“Boy, that turkey sure smells nice Gran” Jay said, to steer her into the dining room. But Granny was relentless.

“Why doesn’t she have any teeth?”

Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and no one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, “Hang on Granny, hang on!”

My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, “Hey, who’s the naked gal by the fireplace?”

I told him she was Jay’s friend.

A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Lucy. Not just talking, but actually flirting. It was then that we realized this might be Grandpa’s last Christmas at home.

The dinner went well.

We made the usual small talk about who had died, who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Lucy made a noise like my father in the bathroom in the morning. Then she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa.

The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth-to- mouth resuscitation..

My brother fell back laughing over his chair and wet his pants. Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car.

It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember.

Later in my brother’s garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of Lucy’s collapse.

We discovered that Lucy had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh. Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to perfect health!

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Someone just used my driveway to turn around and now I’m standing outside with two cold, open beers and a lonely face.

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Wow, what a conundrum!  Okay, Left hand on one side, right hand on the other side and grab the money with my teeth!  Final answer!lightning

Did You Know – A bolt of lightning can heat the air surrounding it to more than 50,000°F  — that’s five times hotter than the surface of the sun!

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Just got this from Leah … and I think it’s a great idea!

I just learned of a New Year tradition in Ireland – Shortly after midnight, some people like to open their front door to let the old year out and let the New Year in! A very Irish take on ‘out with the old, in with the new’!

My plan to usher out 2020 at my house?  Open every flippin door and window I can. 

Keith Carney

At 11:59 December 31 we all gotta take a shot and never speak of this year EVER AGAIN

Leah, I agree with you, 100%!

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Yup, that would definitely be okay!

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YEAH?  Well, maybe coffee is addicted to ME.  Ever think of THAT??

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It’s been bloody cold here.  We got a teeny bit of snow, but nothing to speak of.  Another Christmas without snow. Sigh. 

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A Quick Note About Motivationals: You’ll notice we’re in the W’s which means we’re almost at the end of my file … again.  I have no problem starting over again in my file, but I’m putting out a call for you guys to send me more.  I’m looking as well.  I know there’s new ones out there.  Send them my way when you find them.

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Another New Home COVID Test

1.  Pour a large glass of red wine, try to smell it.

2.  If you can smell the wine then drink it and see if you can taste it.

3.  If you can taste and smell the wine, it confirms you don’t have COVID.

Last night I did the test 19 times and all were negative, thank God!

Tonight I am going to do the test again because this morning I woke up with a headache and feel like I am coming down with something.

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“You’re the reason this country puts directions on shampoo.”

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Bozo criminals for today picked the absolute worst place to try to rob. From Las Vegas, Nevada comes the story of a group of bozos who burst into Mr. D’s bar and proceeded to inform everyone there that this was a holdup. What they didn’t know was that the house band, named Pigs in a Blanket, was made up of off-duty police officers. Not surprisingly, the officers quickly put down their guitars and proceeded to arrest the bozos.

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Please be careful on the roads.  Lots of people are drinking excessively and letting their wives drive.

Oh damn!

Hey, I just post them.

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My application for membership in the Flat Earth Society was accepted – I’m on top of the world!

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All of us have this guy in our family tree somewhere.

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And that, my friends, is it for your Monday.  I hope I was able to bring a smile to your face as we wind down 2020 together.  I hope this year can slip out quietly, but it looks like it’s going to go out kicking and screaming.  May you find a little bit of love and laughter today.  Until we meet again.

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